LadyGang - LG QUICKIE: Just Us - Driving from Austin to Dallas

Episode Date: August 15, 2024

In a highly illegal act we recorded this episode while driving from our shows in Austin to our next show in Dallas. That's right, we put recording equipment in Becca's car and discussed life, the things we wrecked at Becca's house during our sleepover and our love of baby Ford. You wanted to hear more about our lives so please enjoy this hot mess of a podcast, and a really fun episode!  Thank you for supporting our amazing sponsors! Huggies: Get your baby’s butt into Huggies’ best fitting diaper! Huggies Little Movers. We got you, baby.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

It's time for a quickie. Podcast one presents the Lady Gang, the Hollywood girl posse with Lady Gang Quickie. Here's Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. Let's make this quick. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to the Lady Gang Quickie. I am Becky here with Jack and Kelty, and I can honestly say this is the weirdest experience of Lady Gang podcast of my life.

Lady Gang on the road. This is wild. So I'm just going to set the scene. we have this thing called a pod track zoom it's like a little mini file we i'm in the back seat of becca's car sitting beside ford's baby seat i've got a bucky's extra large diet coke we and i just ate a cinnamon bun from there which i would rate a three out of ten yeah jack is known for their cinnamon buns we're in the car obviously i'm sure the sound is absolutely horrific i'm so sorry jared for having to edit this but we're on our way we have this great idea austin to dallas

it was your idea um and we're on our way to our second show yeah so jack is in shotgun she's riding shotgun and becca's driving she's got one ear on the microphone headphone and then the other ear open for noises and honks definitely illegal we're sirens sirens sirens we are an hour and 45 out hour 45 out from dallas and we're i feel pretty good after last night's show i'm not too hungover or anything i am you are why she is yes i drank like that whole bottle of champagne i got nervous and i just started drinking more champagne makes me so hungover that i don't know how you do it i just i don't know the difference because i'm too scared to drink anything else so yeah i'm just doing it my friend did tell me and she's the wellness queen of all wellness queens and she

but she still likes to party yeah she told me like i was always the type that would have a long night of drinking. And then I would like have a little bit of water, but then I would put the water next to my bed because usually hours into my sleep, I would then get so parched and have to chug that. She said, getting ahead of the dehydration is key. So you have to come home from a going out and force yourself to drink like a liter of water, like so much water. I did it once it worked. Well, it's like, there's the whole thing where it's like one cup of water for every drink you have and everybody's like i'm gonna totally do it and then you do it for the first drink and then you get too drunk and you forget to continue yeah i can't commit to that but i can commit to coming

home and just forcing myself to check it i want everyone to try this and let me know how it goes because it did work for me and i want to know if it's a fluke all right i'm gonna try it tonight great last night on stage we had to use solo cups because mama kelty forgot our sparkly which is so off-brand but our sparkly there's a bunch of mold in those though there was yeah the last time we Did we throw them out? I don't know. No, I cleaned them. Maybe we need to get new ones for this tour.

Anyway, but we did. Becca just took us to Bucky's, which is a Texas, like, amazing grocery store. It's a gas station. It's like the Costco of gas stations. And we took three extra large Bucky's styrofoam cups. That's how you know you're in Texas. Styrofoam still exists. Like, it's illegal everywhere.

But in Texas, they're like, please, take your food in a styrofoam. That's killing the ozone layer. What about the girl from New Jersey on Dallas Cowboys cheerleader America's Sweetheart's Netflix series? Yeah. She's from New Jersey. And I didn't know this. She was saying that being in Texas, she was so excited to get plastic bags. Because I guess at stores in New Jersey, they have no plastic bags anywhere.

Yeah. So she was collecting them anywhere, like CVS, whatever, whatever. And I just thought that was like so charming and funny. Well, that's like my friend Fallon from Phoenix. She always brings her own plastic straws when we travel. She literally was like, here you go. We're like at a restaurant somewhere because of the paper straws. Nothing worse.

That is so funny. And they are horrible for you. They have forever chemicals in them. The plastic ones. I mean, the paper ones. Yeah, of course. It dissolves in your mouth. Yes, that's what happens.

Oh, my God. Okay, well, Jack and I have something to tell Becca. So last night after the Austin show, we went back to Becca's house to sleep. And we stayed in her spare bedroom, which was lovely. And Becca's house is, honestly, it's crazy well put together considering you have a toddler. Like, it's actually shocking. Thank you. And so we were really excited.

And Becca was like, hey, like, Ford's room connects to this bathroom. So when you're in the bathroom, just try to, like, you know, kind of keep it quiet. Don't be too loud, whatever. And she said, you know, he's not going to wake up, but just, like, keep it quiet. So I went into the shower first. and when kelsey was in there i started hearing this like loud knocking or like wait i heard i heard something it was something was going on with like beats okay yes i did kind of hear this yes and then after what happened happened i was like oh no ford but i got in the shower

and I looked down at my toes and a giant cockroach walked across my feet on the shower tile and I killed it with your body wash bottle. But cockroaches are little bitches. So I tried to just squish him and he lived like five times. So then I had to pound him like a hammer and I I had to pound him so hard. And then I was like, unsure of how I was going to, what's going on in there. It's like,

boom, boom, boom. So then I was like, I don't know how I'm going to get rid of him. Cause I don't want to pick his crunchy body up with a towel. So then I had to crunch his body up enough so that it was small enough pieces so that it would go down the drain. This is so upsetting.

I've never seen a roach in my house. Really? You haven't? You know what they say? If there's one, there's 60. No, that's only the small one.

Was it small or big? No, it was big. It was as big as a quarter. As big as a quarter. Yeah, and it was very dramatic because some of my eyelashes were on the floor, too. So, whoop-de-woop, it all went down the drain. But, like, when they say there's many, like, where are they hiding?

Do we know? I need to call Zach immediately and get an exterminator. I'm sure that you would have seen them by now. This is disgusting. It might have come in on the bottom of my suitcase. I don't know. No, it was... Does it come up the drain or something?

It comes up the drain, probably. Or they're just around. Bugs are around. Yeah, they're around. It doesn't matter. My whole house is covered in bugs. I just let it live. There was, like, a sluggy thing, like a caterpillar on my stairs the other day.

And I was like, what's up, bro? I didn't kill it. Well, I was going to say, this is such a Kelty thing. If I was the one in the shower, I would have, like, screamed and freaked out and be like, who's going to kill it for me? Kelty didn't even say a word. She was just in there banging it. Banging it down. So then I got out.

I was like, it was a cockroach. And we're like, let's not tell Becca. Let's tell her when we're podcasting. Ew. Then. No, then. Then Jack. Then I'm not the bad girl.

And you're never going to believe this. No. I go to brush my teeth and I turn on the sink. I like turn the sink and the entire sink head explodes up. Does that happen? It shot up like three feet and then like all the water shot up and I was like, holy shit. And then I got it in my hands and then water was squirting everywhere. Okay.

So this is, this is something that Zach and I have talked about 8 million times. It drives my mom insane because she stays in that room when she comes to visit and she He's like, you have to fix the sink in the guest bedroom because it also won't do warm water. It does only cold or hot. Like it's a mess in there. And sprays like a fountain. And sprays like a fountain.

So I need to get new faucets. It's on the list of things to do. Also, Zach and I desperately need a new toilet in our master, in our, in our primary bathroom. But to be honest, it's not been like a really, really lucrative year, you guys. Like I'm really, I have to pay for like, you know, schools and childcare and, you know, it's just, we're crushing it, but like not enough for me to just go around getting a new sink. I mean, how, I'm sure I could, I'm sure I could go to Home Depot and pick something

up, but like, you know, when you just get in that, you're in that mode of like, we're not spending on things we don't absolutely need for sure, but that's where we're at. And that's why you guys are really struggling. Well, I mean, a warning would have been nice. I forgot. It was shocking. I forgot about the cockroach. And also your house is so lovely that you're, and we're also like, you know, we're imposing

by, we're both staying there and you know, when people, no, I know, but it's like, you have to get the pillows out and you have to, I was like, can I have a phone charger? And you put like a, I don't know if you got one, but I got a glass of water beside my bed. Like, you know, you were a hostess. But you do that when I come to your house and I've had to like, literally, you know, you've had to change sheets a million times for me and no, it's fine. But then when we broke the sink, we were like, don't tell Becca.

No, it's fine. And it literally flew up and she caught it. And then so we brushed our teeth with the shower. Oh, my God. Yeah. You know, there's two other bathrooms available for you. Yeah. That's all right.

That would have been fine. But we had more fun. It was such a good adventure. Oh, good. I can't believe the cockroach. I'm never going to, like, I'm not okay. Just the other day, I went, and this doesn't actually freak me out for some reason, and it should more than the cockroach because it could actually hurt you.

but outside my front door right there at the threshold was like a four inch scorpion oh my god and i knock on wood in all these years in texas i mean all these years four years but that's like a rite of passage is to like put your foot in a shoe and get a scorpion bite i have heard that they are the most painful bites that you can ever receive the baby ones are oh that's the baby ones can't control their venom is that like a baby rattlesnake how those are more venomous than the regular ones? Probably, yeah. They don't know what they're doing. Oh, that truck in front of us just let out some black smoke. We are in

Texas. This is a truck with double-backed wheels. He would have never passed the California admissions test. No. So, actually, I had crazy dreams last night, and I know it's boring to talk about your dreams, but part of my dream was that we went underneath your house, and you had a collection of snakes. And snakes are, like, my number one thing I hate.

Oh. Me, too. I hate them. It's because of the cockroach. It kicked off a fear. A whole fear-mongering kind of thing. anyway do you want to hear about my dream yeah I know this is so fucking annoying times have changed but this is I'm gonna give a little backstory actually to the lady gang hot take that they've I've never talked about it so a job that I was really close to getting or like according to my people you know you don't really know um was Aaron Foster's new Netflix show that's

coming to Netflix idiot in September I think with Kristen Bell and Adam Brody yeah so I had a call back and erin was actually in the zoom like for the call back and erin because of they were on our podcast years ago and vice versa and like you know we've all remained like friendly like if we see each other out we say hi whatever so it was like a little bit not awkward because she was so lovely in my call back but you know it's just it's always harder in my opinion to have to audition in front of people you know 100 because then i'm like well then when i run into her and we have And you didn't get the job. She's like, you did so awkward.

Yeah, and if I suck so bad, she's going to go tell people that I sucked and, like, will live on. You know, it doesn't just die right there in the room. Yeah. So, anyways, I've, and I've continued to follow her on social media. Spoiler, I didn't get the job. However, I still follow her on social media. She had a baby. And I had a dream last night that I was at this Hollywood party.

She was there. and I was talking to her because she's been quite open about her fertility struggles like leading up to having her daughter and I was trying to get advice from her for another friend of mine who's currently in the struggles of fertility and she wouldn't give me the time of day she like Aaron in the dream was making me feel like such a loser you know it was like the equivalent of being at the cool kid trying to get the cool kids table and then being the biggest loser on planet earth yeah and it was just so it was just the worst feeling ever and i woke up and i was like oh my god i'm a loser i'm a loser and it's probably because i didn't

get that job it's just like in your recesses yeah the lady gang um do we want to talk about our shows yeah our show yes singular yes um our first show last night was in austin it was a doozy it was amazing it was a shit show it was a shaboosie it was a shaboosie um you know a little rusty we're a little rusty and it was it was really cute because we said when we got out there i'm like you guys are getting the raw show like this is we did it on paper we don't know what it's going to be like in real life and then there were such nice messages in the facebook group that people were like i love that we saw like the uncut version and you know because that's what people want but it was very sweet I have to say like moment of the night

for me was that I got charms yeah um you got two different girls I got three charms I got two from a girl named Erica and then I got a tiny top hat charm which I love I need to look at my card for who gave it to me thank you so much and I feel like the charm bracelet has begun and I feel so excited about it but actually what I thought was the coolest part about last night was that we had so many people returning yeah and like we know their lives I'm like oh my god the last time we were in Austin you were engaged now you're married how's married life she rolled her eyes I'm like oh my god like it yeah I just think it was so funny to see everyone dressed up I was gonna say it was so cute how many people dressed up like really yeah understood the assignment like

we had prom dresses yeah we thought one of our girls was wearing a full-on like Miss America gown yes like it was really great and so many people were like I've had this in my closet for so long and it's just an excuse to wear it so I think that it all went according to plan and it made the night like even more fun was really wild to see my friend Trina so Trina was my dance captain when I was a rockette and then we sat we're sitting downstairs and she's like could barely tap dance I was like Trina rude don't bring that up like in front of my friends but anyway she was like this was a bridesmaid's dress and then i kind of if you're listening trina sorry i had to hold my tongue because i was like what kind of friend would make you wear like maroon and it

i'm so rude but it was like probably 20 years old that's the thing do you know like when bridesmaids used to wear like a sequin upper and then like a chiffon bottom it was a certain era yes that we're not in anymore i looked great on trina but i was so happy that like they she's a school teacher so she's back like prepping her room and she texted me and she was like i'm on my way to school with a gown hot rollers oh my god that's incredible it was so funny and it's just so nice to see friends and i love seeing zach in the audience because zach is like a quiet special daddy for you like he's so supportive but he's like a quiet zaddy you know he's such an idiot i had a lot of shout outs to him yeah i felt quite guilty throwing him under the bus for

watching 50 shades of gray in my parents' house in the summer. And also I, I always admit something not like embarrassing, but Zach doesn't love hearing about my past charades, sexual escapades. Same. Um, and not that I had a sexual escapade, but I discussed having a crush on a teacher when I was in high school. Yeah. And I looked at Zach's face and I'm like, God, he's got no poker face. No, I just see him like, let's stop there. Don't please don't describe coach Ford. Oh, I forgot about that. Oh, so good. It was so crazy. And also I want to just say this is not tour related, but I do have an update for you guys on my sex pocket. um i was having deep talks with chris knight the other day and he told me that he doesn't want me to call it a sex pocket anymore so if this is your first episode of lady gang this is gonna make no sense but um i had my uterus removed and they cut it off they make it into a pocket and i call it

the sex pocket and chris is like it's so gross when you say that it is gross but i don't say it around him i only say it on the podcast or to you right so does i'm now what do i where The line to nowhere? What am I calling it? It's a vagina still. It's still a vagina. Yeah, it's still a vagina. Okay.

And you have sex like normal. It's not like... Yeah, except better sex because now he can... There's just no place for it to go. It's not like you have a prosthetic vagina. If I did, that would be fine. Right. I don't know if they make those.

Yeah, it's like a... Anyway. Anyway, I'm not calling it a sex pocket anymore. You're just a normal lady. I'm just a normal... You know, it's hard for you to just identify as normal. I have nothing to, yeah. I think my note for myself from last night

is that I need more outfit bedazzling. You know, I think, which you had a lot. No, I had a glove and a pony, like a bow. I just. No, we need more accoutrements. You know, you did have a prosthetic ponytail. I had a prosthetic ponytail. That's honestly, my hairdresser from E! wrote me this morning.

He's like, yes, $20 pony. It did look amazing. It did. I would not have let you wear that if I had seen you put it on and it was dog shit. Really? I was really impressed with it, yeah. Yeah, it's just sad that I'm a brunette now. You are a brunette.

Yeah, I think it looks good, though. I do, too. I don't know. Everybody looks best with their natural hair color, I think. Really? Yeah. No, not that girl on... No.

What? Who? Who are you talking about? No, the girl on DCC that they took her from blonde to brunette. Oh, no. When they took her from blonde to brunette, the brunette was ugly. She came back second season with a better brunette. Any brunette, I think, looks better brunette than dyed blonde.

Like a natural. I agree. But it has to be a good brunette. Well, you know, Tracy Cunningham, this is all like hearsay, so take it with a grain of salt. Tracy Cunningham is a very famous hairstylist in LA. Yes. Like stars, like A-listers, whatever. She has a theory, allegedly, that, and she does Taylor Swift's hair or did before,

And this is why Taylor Swift has such a natural looking color because Tracy, I guess says you should never go three shades darker or three shade further than three shades darker or three levels lighter than your natural hair color or that it's not that you should never, but like the most, um, flattering color is going to be only that, like that far away from your natural color. Yeah. So I can go from poop brown to dishwater brown to orange to orange. Yeah.

Yeah. Cool. I don't even know my natural color because I have like half gray now. So it's just a doozy. Yeah, it's fun. Love it. Well, the show's fun. I think Dallas is going to be really fun.

I cannot wait. Texas is Texas, you know? The girls are great. I know. I can't wait for tonight. Yeah. And one last thing that happened to me that was very embarrassing was we were just in the Buckeyes bathroom. Buckeyes?

Buckeyes bathroom. Do you remember, Jack? I wish I had a dollar for every time you mispronounce something. Oh, my God. It's insane. You're incredible. Do you want to know the most embarrassing thing? Okay, here's something embarrassing.

So I'm hosting Miss USA a few weeks ago. You said Garcelle Beauvais? It is Beauvais. Is it? Yes. Oh, I saw it on Instagram and I was like, there she goes again. Yeah. So we're in rehearsal and Garcelle was filming Housewives in St. Lucia and they, her plane

got all messed up. So she missed rehearsal. So I did the rehearsal with like a Garcelle stand in. And there were so many names to pronounce the judges names like so that pronunciation. It was pronunciation station as I call it. And then I'm doing what you you mispronounced pronounced pronunciation. Pronunciation. Oh, my God, dude.

it was pronunciation station and um garcelle came halfway through rehearsal and so we're like hey as our last thing let's just like run the open so that you feel good about that and we run the open and we had i had written it phonetically so that i wouldn't screw it up so i wrote beau vay b-e-a-u dash v-a-y beau vay like or you could have just done b-o yeah so then i did her name and of course I did it wrong I said bouvet bouvet like a French and then she goes to me and she goes it's Beauvais and then and it was and then I was like oh my god I'm so embarrassed I think I screwed up in your pod on my podcast too and she goes yeah you did so it was like she knew that I should know better and also it's so disrespectful and I knew it was Beauvais because we talked a lot about it

in rehearsal anyway so then on the show there were so many names to pronounce and my only thing that I was worried about was doing Beauvais correctly and so I'm literally on stage like reading off the teleprompter doing a whole open and in the back second part of my brain that's not forward facing Kelty it's thinking Kelty in the back because there's like many tabs open at one time I'm just going Beau like ho Beau like ho Beau like ho so that when I said Beauvais I said it right Beau like ho anyway what happened in Bucky's oh that's it okay so you said it right I said it right? You did it. Oh, you didn't end the story. I thought when I saw your clip of you introducing her as Beauvais, I had also always thought it was Beauvais. Yeah. So we've always

been like, Oh, anyway. And bookies, bookies, bookies, bookies, bookies just now. Okay. So first of all, their sign for the bathroom says world famous bathrooms, which true. What? There is also just a billboard that said bathrooms your mother would love. Yeah. Their billboards are definitely, they had a Gen Z intern really helping them with their marketing. Yeah, one said Slay. Yeah, Slay. And then one said Girl Dinner. What were the nuggets called? Beaver Nuggets. Yeah, Girl Dinner Beaver Nuggets.

Wow, they really crush. I know. But, no, they are famous bathrooms because they're clean. Think about a gas station bathroom. No, it's a very nice bathroom. I could take a shower in there. So, anyway, we're in line. The line's moving quickly and then I see a green Venket door and I walk

up to it and I open it because it's green Venket and Vacant? How do you say vacant? Oh my Are you okay? Oh my god I'm so dumb

Help Anyway There was a lady in there And I opened it Oh no She didn't lock it properly Oh no That's alright

Oh no This is the best of us Anyway But I I'm very excited to be here I think car podcasting Is questionable at best But

We weren't here for a long time We were here for Bucky's time Texan time Texan time Bye Thanks for listening the lady gang is produced by alex ingber steve delameter and jared monaco make sure you subscribe

rate and review our podcast and if you love it share it with your friends on social media like oh my god i just listened lady gang this episode's so great swipe up to listen and if you really want to which we know you do please follow us on social at kelty at becca at jack vanek and at the lady gang sign up for our newsletter at the lady gang.com and join our secret facebook group it's super fun see you next tuesday sci-fi fans this is your summer pluto tv summer of cinema is bringing you a universe of free sci-fi movies discover new futures with the matrix and world war z host alien explorers with arrival or beam up to journey the galaxy with star trek beyond the sun never sets in outer space or on

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