LadyGang - LG QUICKIE: Keltie's Home Videos

Episode Date: September 24, 2020

Keltie’s found some old home videos. From former Rockettes struggles to that Canadian accent really shining through. Let us take you back to a time of sweet, vulnerable Keltie. Maybe they��re a little sad. But really, we can all relate. Thank you to today's sponsors! Healist – Go to healistnaturals.com/ladygang to sign up and get your free sample. Hammitt – Go to hammitt.com and enter code LADYGANG at checkout for a complimentary leather cleaner with your next Hammitt purchase. Tushy – Go to hellotushy.com/ladygang to get 10% off plus fr ee shipping. Talkspace – Go to talkspace.com to start working with a licensed therapist today.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

It's time for a quickie. Podcast one presents the Lady Gang, the Hollywood girl posse with Lady Gang Quickie. Here's Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. Let's make this quick. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to the Lady Gang Quickie. I am Becca here with Jack and Kelty, and Jack is eating what appears to be a chocolate. Chocolate cookie from Mendocino Farms.

It's the shit. She always loves that afternoon cookie. I think I have had cookies more days than not in my life. I think you have too. I think you've finished every meal with a cookie since I've seen you in my life. It's a necessity. See, I could go my whole life without having a treat like that, but I could not go my life without having like savory things.

Like I love like salty French fries. What about a chocolate covered potato chip? That sounds good. But I could honestly, like, I just, I don't crave the sweet unless I've been going ham on sweets. And then I'm like, it's like drugs. I just want more and more and more. Today I got a cake dropped off from that company, Sweet Laurel. They do like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're doing influencer cakes, but Jack and I weren't cool enough. Wow. Rude. I bet they sent you messages and you just didn't check them. And it's also because I do their

recipes. Like I attempt them and I tag them because I think they're cool. It's like no refined sugar. A lot of it's gluten-free. Um, so they sent an, a citrus olive oil cake. Good. Oh my God. It's delicious. It's a great like, um, gift to send people to like they make them and they, the packaging is amazing. This is not an ad, but I was like for the holidays, this is a really nice thing to send to people because we can't be together can't be together i just checked my instagram and they have not messaged me so well there was no message for me well i did all my messages i've made at least three of their things during quarantine so i think that if you just start baking jack they'd be jack me baking okay not making drinks and start baking baking is way

too precise of a science i would for me as well i skim through it and i'm like what no vanilla I always I'm like I don't really need this like I don't need yeah butter I can use like I don't know like milk or I like the I like the specificity of the of the direction she said I'm too spontaneous I'm like you know this is gonna be my own recipe I'm gonna spice it up and then it ends up tasting like dog shit so yeah that's where I'm at well for today's quickie um this quickie is called Kelty's Home Movies. So we said we're going to talk about this on the podcast. I have multiple videos. So what has happened in my life recently is actually pretty cool. I have had, like so many people who grew up in the 80s, 90s, 2000s, many different forms of video communications from

cell phones to handy cams to little eight tracks, like whatever. So about four, three or four years ago, my best friend Jeff and I, who he does digital work, I took all of my tapes and all of Chris's tapes up to Canada. And he has been in the process of, I paid him by the way, he's been in the process of moving everything from mini disc, VHS, like everything I possibly have in my life into this Plex account, which is essentially like my giant night library of videos. So I have now videos and recordings of chris from his band the hiccups when he was 16 years old um i have you know his concerts that he was playing he like opened for the killers once and we have like all on video and i have like all of my old dance videos and then i have like insanity videos like

i just found my high school boyfriend he sent me a vhs tape when i was on the cruise ship and he was like i'm so sorry i dumped you like i'm in love with you like it's just amazing he sent a tape of him saying this to you? Yes. And he was like, I don't know what's really going on with us. And I was like, well, you dumped me before I left. Okay. Um, anyway, so there's just so many videos. There's a ton of videos of me with my, um, ex-husband. There's a ton of videos when I was like, when I first met Christina Perry and, um, she was drinking and she was like 17 and smoking. And it's just like bizarro. Like it's such a journey. So it's been actually kind of emotional to like see all this stuff again. Anyway, so I found this video of me, um, which I've shared it

with you guys already, but I want to tell the girls. Um, so I'm in my apartment in Queens and this was the third time I had auditioned to be a Rockette, which was my childhood dream, as you know, cause you read the book. And what happens with Rockette auditions is like on a Tuesday is like the Rockette audition. And then if you make it through that whole day of like jazz tap, whatever you make it to like, what's called the callback, obviously you guys know that. so I had made it to the call back and I'd gone home that night in typical Kelty style and I'd put my my lucky leotard on and put my hair up and put my tap shoes on on the fourth floor or whatever floor I was on and had my ex-husband tape me on the handy cam so I could watch myself

back to see like what mistakes I was making in the choreography because I really wanted this job right so I found the video and I'd like to play it for you now just so you can see his reaction to my tap dancing here we go okay i don't know if you are you legally allowed to it's her video okay i'm just the owner of it i guess yeah he's gonna sue me no i don't know i hope you do okay here it is here's just the end of it i'm tapping that's it yeah pretty easy right yeah honestly no offense but it just seems ridiculously easy so i'm like then i go on to like trying to explain to him why the rockets are cool and i was like you're such a dick so i found this and i was like you know i remember because like i was saying to

chris the other night i haven't thought about this stuff in 20 years and then writing the book like all came out of me and then i really have not thought about this dude and now i have the video and I was like I remember feeling so unhappy and like he was not on my team but I never had proof it was just this memory that I'd be like yeah he was a jerk he wasn't on my team he didn't want me to succeed and now I have the proof that is it you have receipts you can see like a little like a little vision into like a bigger relationship problem just from like that one line that he said to you like what a fucking dick it's like the night before the callback of the dream job of mine he's not going to be like yeah you did great or be like yeah i'm so

glad you did it so slow the rockets make you do the tap acapella and if you miss a sound you're like basically cut so it's like i was being very precise and also it was 2004 the tap was not that difficult at radio city i'm just gonna be honest with you it wasn't you get that did you get it that year that's the year i got it in the yellow you know why the universe was like she is an asshole husband we're gonna give her this dream she needs this win she needs not because you didn't deserve it but yes the win yeah no i was like so happy and then i have like i also found all these home videos of me and katie and she came to like she came to new york one one christmas and he's like why are you why are you so mean to your i'm like ask us questions interview us on

camera like us being together in new york and he's like why are you so mean to your husband and katie's face is like wait he said that yeah he's like why are you so mean to your husband and my answer was well i don't really need you because katie's here now oh we were in trouble and then we had only been married for four months and didn't he call you nasty like you're nasty to me yeah you're like you're so nasty to me were you nasty to him i mean we were like not a nice couple yeah like he was really always pushing me and down on me and i reacted by being like super defensive and like just a bitch you know he was like instigating like yeah all your shit yeah pretty much put a little poop it was dark all right when we come back um i have the saddest

video of all time the lady gang okay i have a question can i hire him to do all of my family videos is this yes it's a very slow moving project because isn't there a company that does this yeah there's companies that you can set but it's like also like i don't know what's on these tapes so i just didn't feel comfortable sending them to like some like receipts.com like i don't want everyone to have this so um and he did find weird things he told me like sexually no i found out like a weird video ryan ross what was it tell me tell me tell me we were like at christmas and he was he was like living in my hotel in nashville i was a rockette and i was like talking in baby voice like it's just so bizarre can you play that video i don't have it like clipped because i

didn't want to clip it i don't have videos like i don't have anything jack your dad doesn't have like a dictionary like a library of videos dad does that's what i'm saying every moment of my life was videotaped when i was a kid yeah but like recent like was that on a video camera the ryan ross thing because we're in the digital age it was um that was on a handy cam oh yeah that is sexual yeah it was sexual no it wasn't at all i was just like and i was like sorry i made you staying like a holiday in for like two months straight. Like no wonder you left. Okay. So I have found a video that I think is so crazy that you guys have not heard. Cause I wanted to surprise you with something. So this video, do you remember when we were talking about how in the book I was

talking about how I was on the cruise ship and I'd gained all this weight and I was on like weight restriction and I'm talking to the camera in this video, like talking about that. And I'm like making jokes and like trying to make myself feel better about the fact that I had like gained all this weight. And I just think it's like so relatable and heartbreaking and I wanted to play it for you. We can always cut it out if you think it's fine. I know there's nothing like watching other people's home videos, right? Yikes. Okay. Hold on. And I'm going to tell you about this dream I had. Okay. Yep. That's right. Right. Right about there. Okay. Here we go so then there's the whole weigh-in issue yes kelty's officially seven and a half pounds over

her showing how does that make me feel it makes me feel like a shit but it never really hit me before because i was like whatever you know blah blah blah scales but then they took this picture for broadway and i'm like massive and i'm just like oh my goodness so then i've been trying to get my stomach to not you couldn't go by she's laughing i've been trying to get my stomach to not need as much food and it's so hard but today amanda free gun she's in the cream bar and she's eating chocolate cookies and i wanted to eat one so badly that i almost had to leave but i didn't you know it's so hard for me and you know how i am it's like kevin jerks anyway isn't that so sad yeah that is so sad i think we got to the root of the

issue we talked about with your therapist. I know. Like that was the beginning of your restrictive behavior. Yeah. Isn't that so wild? And I'm like, I don't know. It's just so sad to me that like I was on my own and like, it was like, I'm sure people feel in college, right? Like you go away to college and you're like so active and then like almost in your body changes in your twenties and you're like, oh my God. And like, I didn't know what to do with this. I was like just making jokes about it and like i wish i'd had the maturity to like be nicer to myself like oh it's just we don't even have the maturity now to be i know i was like that takes a lifetime to learn seriously this is like what our podcast is based off of us being like self-deprecating

because we hate ourselves i know and i was just like i was just really sad but i i also um so you guys have known me and you've listened to my voice on the podcast many many times i found a video of me being the most canadian of all time this is i was wait i was gonna say you sound completely different to me listen to like your old self listen to this turn around hi it's me again just gonna finish this up with a little backstage before sea legs express tonight so uh all right here we are come along so uh holy shit isn't that crazy i had such a canadian accent have you tried to like teach yourself not to be canadian no but just like the way i i like just copy all of becca's outfits i'm very similar in my speaking like now i'm around these people so

i speak like them like i'm just like a you know a chameleon do that i sort of do that when i'm home like in the south and like zach's entire family they all have like pretty thick um like draws and i'll find myself sounding especially like y'all want some cake but you have here's i hate when people do this that are not from said place that they're adopting the accent from like you have that within your like dna oh yeah yeah yeah like my then it like it comes out from like because yes how you learn language you can't like adopt an accent after like you're a teenager that's just like not how it works right but then when people are like they studied abroad in like oh god london and then all of a sudden they like have a british accent it's like that's not i know it's not i think

but i spend like a week in london and i'm like do you want some tea like change the whole way i talk it's true lift some people just absorb it like my friend married a british guy and they lived in london forever and we called her madonna after because we're like what the fuck is this like you're a fraud but it just i don't think it's they don't i don't think it's conscious like i think it's just people it is some people it is yeah like they're like worldly yes that's true. I used to be so jealous. This is going to sound so fucked up. Not fucked up, but so, so weird. I had a girl in my neighborhood who moved there around like fourth grade maybe. And she and her family were from Long Island, Great Neck, Long Island. And she had like the

coolest fashion. And by coolest fashion, I mean like she would wear like, no, like, Jeans skirt? No. Remember the, um, what are the, the jeans like Marrakech, Marrakech, Marra. We didn't have that. She wore like platform sneakers, like glittered platform sneakers. Yeah. Really cool jeans. I forget what they were called anyways. And she was just cool. And I just remember being like, I love her accent and her style. I wish I was from great, great neck, Long Island. Said no one ever. I wanted so badly to be from Great Neck, Long Island. And then I would like meet people along my way, like even as I was growing up. And if they were from Long Island, I'd be like, Great Neck? Oh, I don't know what the hell that is. And she'd be like,

Long Island. Long Island is how she would say where she's from. Did you try to take her accent over a little bit? I wanted it so bad. She was so cool. Can you do accents as an actress? Yeah. I mean, I have to like. Have you ever had to audition and be like Australian? British? No, it's a lot of Southern, which is like so easy. But then there's like different variations of Southern.

Like Texas is hard for me. Can you do some? Can you do some? Do some for us. No, I can't. Becca will never do any of this shit for us. Can you guys hear Zach unloading the dishwasher? I guess.

There's some clanks. Yeah. Oh my God. Hold for sound, please. I feel like we're on a set. be like okay cool thanks zach um well listen i love you so it was a boring that i played home videos no it's great it's kind of it was exhilarating kelty it was not but you were just so sweet and vulnerable and like and it's sad it's so sad it's really it's sad the world made

me no wonder you're so fucked up no kidding we're really getting into like you need to bring these to your therapist I think and talk to her about them next you know I um I really watching these videos I felt like I felt like Paris Hilton in a way you know how she was talking about like I put on this act and I was this character yeah when I'm watching the videos I was like I'm being so disgenuine on like what I'm just whatever it is like what I'm feeling who I am what I want like the Kelty now I would have turned to that guy and been like you get up here and you try you know well first of all I wouldn't be with that person now like I think that I ended up with someone like Chris because Chris is like such a cheerleader and he'd be like go crush it you're

gonna get it and then he would be texting me before and text me like you know I just Chris you kind of need to date assholes so you figure out like you literally have to stay with them you have to date the worst guy ever to appreciate the best guy ever 100 the world's full of douchebags yeah it's like it's like i mean not not to be offended but it seems ridiculous okay you're five foot three so growing hard for you fuck you anyway hey i'm you know he wouldn't have been able to make it on the rockets anyways because of height he was not tall enough to even be a rocket go yourself stop short shaming no i'm not short shaming beautiful the rockets short shame that's their problem they do yeah the a-holes did i tell the story about how i got

hired to be like a dancer for the rockets yeah did you not take it no i had another job offer for something else and i was like thank god could you imagine what that would have done to someone a season of dancing next to the Rockettes, like a little fucking troll under a bridge. Terrible costumes. You're like in a party skirt and like a polar bear head. Yeah. I was like, this doesn't sound glamorous at all. No glamour. Peace out. Like the opposite of glamour. They're like, here, you're going to wear a turtleneck, a beanie hat, and a knit sweater with a matching LaDuca boot. And you're going to walk this camel across the stage. you're going to be doing a duet with this

peasant. Is it like when somebody ends up being the tree in a school play? Yes. Like in Central Park cuddling. I was a tree. I was a tree in my Montessori Christmas show. But I think the tree was kind of the star. Ooh. That's what they told

you, but it wasn't. Plot twist. Plot twist. I was in the corner. But I really stole the show. I just remember feeling amazing. So there's my delusion. Here I am. and now 25 years she's still

delusional in Hollywood still thinks she's hot well we weren't here for a long time we're here for a very good time a good time reliving a somewhat sad time thanks for listening and make sure to rate and review this podcast wherever you get your podcast

we have new episodes of Lady Gang every Tuesday and Thursday follow us on social media at the Lady Gang follow us personally at Kelty most importantly at Becca And at Jack Bannock, the Lady Gang Network is produced by Will Sterling, Steve Delamater, Kirsten Woodward, and Elizabeth Baquette. Thanks for rating and reviewing wherever you get your podcasts

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