LadyGang - LG QUICKIE: Keltie’s Vacation in the Sex-chelles!

Episode Date: January 23, 2020

It’s the vacay recap you only wanted three minutes of but instead get twenty minutes of! Keltie’s sexy time in the Seychelles, or as we’re calling…the Sex-chelles. Shout out to these sexy sponsors! O-Shot CBD – Go to oshotcbd.com and enter c ode LADYGANG for 20% off plus free shipping.   The Goop Lab – The Goop Lab with Gwyneth Paltrow, launching on Netflix Jan 24.    Verishop – Go to verishop.com and use code LADYGANG for 15% off your first purchase.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

it's time for a quickie podcast one presents the lady gang the hollywood girl posse with lady gang quickie here's kelty knight becca tobin and jack vanek let's make this quick hello hello hello welcome to the lady and quickie it's becca jack and kelty and i just heard out of alex's mouth what the topic of this quickie is it's the seychelles recap also by the way this is now this is the second time that alex has mentioned the seychelles recap so she's making sure that it's gonna get in if you guys don't want to do it we don't have to you have a lot to talk about you've i thought you guys would be interested are you not are we supposed to like ask i never ever care to hear about somebody's vacation for more than two minutes okay so like

i had this like super emotional vow renewal oh okay all right okay fine well i mean you already told people everything you've already seen the swipe up link on your instagram like do we have the story it's true yeah you're right no that's fine let's let's move on do you have it what do you guys want to talk about tell us here tell us the highlights i don't want to know about every little second of your trip tell us the highlights okay first of all i cashed in my airline points to fly first class on etihad airlines that's a lot of points it was so many points how many points was it 450 000 points holy shit jeez like for each ticket we're only one way i had to pay for the other way but i didn't fly that got it i only flew on the nicer line once okay so it was

amazing it was everything i dreamed would be i was in the suite like the private suite with the room yeah so like your your beds are together like and you could essentially make a double bed and then there's walls that close did you join the mile high club i wanted to but chris slept the whole time that's the only time you can really do it without like getting really nasty but i was like it's so dirty if you look under the seats it's still disgusting anyway the coolest part about the flight the flight well it's not like an either or situation it's just but that's like a fun bucket list thing to do i would like to do i've obviously i have never because i haven't gone in a room on an airplane but that i would but get this i'm sleeping it's like 20 hour flight i'm

sleeping the roof goes dark and then has twinkle lights on the roof oh i thought it would be like Don't we do that on our tour bus this summer? Oh, my God. No. Remember those things? It was like the limo. You know with the limo? Yeah.

You went to prom in it. Yes. That's what it reminds me of. But it was all white. It was so beautiful. So that was amazing. Okay. Then we got to the hotel, and I have to be honest with you.

I was expecting the Seychelles to be like... Luxury. Luxury. Like Bora Bora, like super luxurious. It was not. It was very Bahamas, and I love the Bahamas, but that's a different kind of vacation. Yeah. That, like, mint green wall, turtle made out of towels and rose petals on the bed is, like, cruise ship-y.

Yeah. So I wasn't happy about that. But anyway, so the day before our vow renewal, Chris was like, have you worked on your vows? And I was like, no. I thought about them in my head. He's sitting at breakfast, writing them on his phone, crying so hard. Oh, Chris. He was, like, having such a cry.

And I was like, you're very stressed out like me, too. Anyway, so then we did the vow renewal. It was just us on the beach and then this lady. and the lady is like she makes you do these vows or whatever and then she's like okay and then she walks away and then we take out our papers and we like read our vows chris's vows were so beautiful to me i'm sure they were better than our wedding vows he was like i have failed you as a husband i've left you alone like he was just like you're the most important it was like everything i needed to hear and i will say this it was kind of his idea to do this vow renewal and even though i

love cheesy shit i was like this is so ridiculous like why are we doing this we could just like be in the tub or like you know in the pool or whatever like so stupid and then i think everyone should do it i think it's way worth it doesn't matter if you're married couples therapy count as a vow renewal renewal no you have to have a day that's just for you no phones you get dressed up you do it i like that you guys were alone because nobody wants to go to somebody's valve no no no it was like you just witness each other and then we went to the bar and drank mojitas all afternoon like It was so fun. That is fun.

It was, like, so wonderful. Then I surprised him by wearing nipple tassels. What the fuck? That is not where I thought that sentence was going to go. I'm stunned. I'm so shook right now. She just took a big bite of a veggie burger. Wait, a nipple tassel?

Like a burlesque dancer? I have so many questions. Were they underneath that dress the whole time? That is a tricky slip dress to hide tassels under. No. What did they look like? Where did you get them from? Did they swing around?

I got them on Revolve. Oh. Ew. I know. Yeah. Why are you giving them your money? I'm sorry. It was like free shipping.

So I got them on Revolve. They were silver stars with like a black tassel. And then I wore a black crotchless panty. i've never in my life wait i have a question and i this is this is no offense like wait okay i have a question too but like don't aren't nipple tassels for people that like need to accentuate their are their breasts like like what's exciting what exciting thing is happening on your chest you mean for like her size of a boob like she has nothing on her chest like nothing well i was thinking about it for me because my boobs are really floppy and my

nipples almost point down that a nipple tassel just goes straight down i don't have a boob for a nipple tassel i don't my okay my question did you wear like were you wearing like a trench coat was it like one of those kind of situations put them on in the bathroom and come out yeah popped out pop out what did you do loved it okay did you leave them on during yeah did you do anything with them like did you have like okay not really no kind of okay it's just exotic kind of a sex did you have just a hot like honeymoon sex okay well i can't like where the nipple tassels flinging around did he play with them he loved to look at it do they fall off men are visual so it's like they fell off after and then i tried i like tried to stick it on again just for

fun and then i was like it was dead like it's a one use only like 20 minutes and you're out it's like a nipple cover yeah the nipple gets sweaty and then it off um anyway it was lovely and i felt great because i've you know we've been together a long time and i would say i'm very lazy and not a fan much of a fantasy anymore and so this whole trip at the seychelles i dressed up all the time i was like a real fantasy and now our relationship is so great so what if this what if the sexuals is the secret yeah chris and kelty 2.0 i think this is like 4.0 yeah Wow. Good for you, Kelsey.

So anyway, honestly, good for you. I would never purchase a nipple tassel because I'm lazy. Well, it's not my first time wearing a nipple tassel either because I did that show. Well, you did a show in Vegas. Yeah. I like the Val Renewal. And I like, I don't like the nipple. No, I like the nipple tassel.

It's fun. But the Val Renewal is really cute. It was very sweet. I feel like the Val Renewal is like the kiss of death, though. Is that what you think? Shannon Bedore did it. Is it like a tattoo? and then no i i know you guys are gonna last but like no we might not i don't know let's be honest

anyway so then after the vow renewal we packed up and we went on this boat okay okay so then there's wait how many people were in the seychelles it looks like nobody was there when you were there there were barely any people there but to get to there was yeah it's way far and so there's like eight people on our boat so we had this crazy couple from guana those are onion rings if you woman they're from Ghana and she basically like had a crush on Chris this is like a 65 year old woman named Claudia and she's like she's like at dinner I'm so used to and I mean this in like such a nice way I'm so used to like people being like oh and what do you do oh that's so interesting tell me all the stories she didn't give a shit she cared zero percent about me and the whole time

she was like oh yeah really and then and then she had the audacity to be like be like I don't know about you two it's okay marriage isn't forever this is my third marriage oh my god amazing i was like claudia did you tell her it was your second no i didn't talk to her i barely spoke to her she was so into chris though probably standing in front of kelty like she was so into chris anyway i'm gonna tell you there were really great things and really bad things the bad i'm gonna go bad week good good week on the trip and then that'll be it okay the lady gang and we're back more seychelles so okay the worst thing that happened on the trip remember an hour ago you said that people wanted to hear about the intact lives more and then you

did an entire episode her kelty centric episode this is so classic classic classic you go you go i'll go okay i'm gonna take a break now why don't you guys fill up the space no you have to finish it's the seychelles centric episode okay so then you are also remember in the beginning of the episode stop tell me the highlight she's like okay first we get on the airplane let me tell you what she's about to tell us they went on the boat and there was a smoker and a child and she requested neither. Yes, and then I got so mad.

And now I'm in a fight with the company because I was like, I need a refund. And they're like, we never promised you no children. And I was like, yes, you did. Anyway, do you have the receipts? So the receipt is a woman named Maggie who doesn't work for the company anymore. Oh, of course she does.

Find that bitch. I know, I'm so pissed about it. What's the name of the company? Dream Yacht Charter. And I'm doing a thing where I'm going on their Instagram and writing a negative review, they only get like four comments a picture every day until they refund it.

Holy shit. I've already done it. And I was like, I had the worst experience with this company every day. And I'm like, I hope you click on my profile and see how famous I am, bitches. I'm pissed.

You know what? They're going to be like, oh no, this micro-influencer in LA is so mad at us. That's really going to hurt our business. The smoking is so gross, though. Anyway. Worst day is turtle day. So we go to this turtle island

where it's so cool because there's all these turtles and they're like old land turtles and they're so beautiful they're chatting around with us visiting them it's so cute and then i'm like is there a washroom on this island and they're like it's that and i was like that outhouse and it was like less than an outhouse it was like when they have an outhouse but they put a toilet over it yeah like to pretend like it's a toilet it's not it's a hole in the ground it's a hole in the but what did you expect like plumbing on this like remote little mini mini turtle island i mean if you can't use real um straws you definitely can't

have plumbing on the turtle island no no no but this is my point my point is that i've this is not my first outhouse the lake cabin that i grew up going to had an outhouse you can have a beautiful nice outhouse if you if you know that 10 private boats are coming to your island i think you should lice all that shit i think your life sounds hard i know anyway so then then we went honestly if you squat it's all the same seriously i would have gone in the ocean i know you don't want to in the ocean no i would pee in the ocean it wasn't a pee who poops in the middle of the day i know i do which is my main problem with lady without like a coffee in the very beginning of their morning did you smoke one of those cigarettes no it was awful anyway so that was like my worst

shit in the middle of the day on turtle island in an outhouse nothing is worse than being in a wet bathing suit and having to take a shit that's what i'm saying wiping your wet butt and all the And, like, the smell is different. Yes, yes. The moisture. It's so dark. It was dark. Okay.

So then. I'm so sorry. Did you get back on your private yacht? Yes. So then I went back on the. So then we went to this private island, and it was the most beautiful water I've ever seen. If you follow me on Instagram, it's Cannonball Day. And so my goal with Chris is what we talked about in our vows is to have more fun and more adventure and live life more and be less concerned about, like, succeeding.

Because we've succeeded. but we just now need to enjoy the fruits of your labor thank you becca so i'm there and i'm like okay we're like snorkeling around and i'm like chris come on let's snorkel and i just get up on the boat and then i just start cannonballing over and over again and then chris cannonballs and then everyone on the boat cannonball the water is in the indian ocean is so salty you float right to the top you don't even have to like tread water you're just like and then i'm like chris i'll race around the boat and so we had like a race and he was like i want to only swim sideways and like we were just having so much fun it was like i was nine and it was so joyous i had such a joyful

feeling and i think i'm renewed and then i just eat chocolate mushrooms and i have that same experience and i don't need a boat or an ocean anyway it was so wonderful thank you so much to everyone that was interested in my trip that was commenting on my content oh i didn't tell you the part that bad part though yeah you did the outhouse no day okay so so day five i bought my period six days early and i had packed i i knew there was a possibility i was gonna get my period on the flight home so i packed two tampons figured oh if i get it i'll be in the airport and two pairs of things that's all i had we are on islands with no people and it is the new year there and they close everything for four days one of the days on our trip we literally had to bike

ride around an entire island going to every mom and pop little like hole in the wall store being like do you have tampons let me tell you this the women of the seychelles love a thick maxi pad oh hell yeah you didn't have them at your hotel i was on the boat oh the boat they didn't have them on the boat no i doubt it was tampon gate so finally we're like driving around we're like i don't know what we're gonna do i don't know what we're gonna do i was like i'm gonna have to wear my things as my like as my swimsuit and just like wear black things in the ocean like i don't know what's gonna happen i was like and then and then the blood will just start seeping out i know you'll get attacked by a shark i know there were so many thoughts so finally i found this nice woman and i

was like do you have any tampons and she was like digging through anyway so then while we were looking for tampons i found a gift for you guys but i didn't get it for you because i didn't have room to bring it back perfect but in the seychelles they sell virginity soap what's that it's literally a bar of soap yes that's amazing damn it i could use that i should have got it for you but i didn't maybe you didn't have room for a tiny bar it was big i didn't have any extra room i didn't even bring tampons thank you for the gift thank you for thinking of us okay almost maybe buying us again did you guys miss me now i'll have you guys talk so i can eat my burger i feel like we're probably almost done aren't we we are almost done but people don't like it we're like almost done

have a conversation about when you missed it well i had a very relaxing time while you were in the state shelves because no one was texting me 9-1-1 emergencies it was tight and or emailing me the few times you did reach out i got nervous i was like oh no she's in a zone that has reception and i want her to get out immediately um but it was very relaxing even tracy who has the stacks podcast on lady gang network she just had twins and who are so being cute the cutest babies i've ever seen is it hands down boys or girls two identical twin boys oh my gosh they are like the cutest most perfect little babies and i don't like newborns but these i want to hold all day long well because they they look like cute little butter balls they are so like aliens they're so

cute i can't handle it but she so she had these babies like a couple days before christmas and this lined up with kelty's trip which is great because kelty couldn't like send her any emails but then she did and tracy was like got a few in a row and she was like i'm just responding with like i got it but i'm gonna be a minute getting back to you because i just had two babies i'm a And a new mom and a Christmas and nobody should be working. First of all, I didn't mean them really for Tracy. No, they were a group. She's part of the network, so I didn't want to leave her off and let her feel like she wasn't a part of the network.

I knew she's on maternity leave. I wasn't expecting her to respond. Yeah. I think when people are on maternity leave, you just don't include them unless it's important, right? Because it's like – Well, see, I come from the place of like that I would be feeling left out like I am when you guys talk about me behind my back. You're an idiot. anyways um yeah i liked when you were gone but i did get a little too relaxed i was like

wait are we making money right now because it doesn't feel like it doesn't feel like it i haven't had to work becca and i did do one day of work together without you yeah we did on our own accord we met at um le pan quotidian in beverly hills that's not how you say it I thought it was Le Pan Quotidien Le Pan is the bread Le Pan Quotidien

Aren't you Canadian Everyone in Canada should be able to pronounce French words She's not from the Canadian But even my friend from Ottawa Quotidien is not how you say that Quotidien I'm looking this up I thought it was Quotidien

That's definitely not it Le Pan Le Pan Le Pan It's bread. The bread. I'm going to look up Cotidien. Le Pen.

They have it on YouTube. Okay. Hold on. Pronounce. How to pronounce. Cotidien. What? Cotidien.

Le Pen. Cotidien. Cotidien. Le Pen. Cotidien. Cotidien. I can't do it. Americans say Cotidien.

I have to say Le Pen. Le Pen. At least Le Pen. Anyways, we met at Le Pen. And guess who we met there? Elizabeth Berkley. jesse spano yep we talked to her for like an hour she's great she's so nice yeah she wants to yeah we need to have her on what you know they're doing a reboot of um saved by the bell and i

and they're all going back i think is tiffany amber thesen even going back kelly kapowski i think she said everybody is if mario lopez is going back then are you kidding he's like been waiting his whole life to go back but he's the only he's been standing outside with the name of A diner. What's he called? The Max. The Max. He's outside the Max like, I'm ready, guys.

I'm ready. Are we making it happen? He stayed fit just in case he can place later. Like, where's my red tank top? I'm ready. I wonder if they'll make him wear those acid wash jeans. I hope so. Oh, I wish.

The elastic waist. But she was so nice. She was so. Showgirls is the greatest movie of all time. Also, her husband. Is hot. Smoke. So hot.

Show. Like, big and beefy and long hair and, like, artistic-y and piercing blue eyes. He's part of the Ralph Lauren family. Like, he's, like, Ralph Lauren's nephew or something. Oh, shit. Okay, Jesse Spano. Jesse Spano did good. She's been killing it.

And you guys were killing it today when I did the Seychelles recap. I know you hate me, but it's over. We weren't here for a long time, but we're here for a decent time. For a nippletastic time. thanks for listening and make sure to rate and review this podcast wherever you get your podcast we have new episodes of lady gang every tuesday and thursday follow us on social media at the lady gang uh follow us personally at kelty most importantly at becca and at jack bannock the lady gang network is produced by will sterling steve delamater kirsten woodward and elizabeth beckwet

thanks for rating and reviewing wherever you get your podcasts and tune in for new episodes every single week