LadyGang - LG QUICKIE: LadyHang Live In Chicago!

Episode Date: July 25, 2019

The Ladies are back as they hit the Windy City on the next stop of their nationwide tour! Follow the podcast on Instagram @theladygang and email Jac, Becca and Keltie at [e-mail]! And check out the TV show page's official page @ladygangtv Check out new episodes of the LGTV show every Sunday at 11:00 only on E! And thank you to today's sponsors:  Amazon = Go to Amazon.com/shop/ladygang to find their favorite products while keeping the podcast FREE!  Apartments.com = Visit Apartments.com to find your next place to rent. Change your apartment. Change the world.  MedMen = Use promo code LADYGANG to get 10% off at checkout when you spend $30+ (Cannot be combined with other offers; keep out of reach of children; for use by adults 21+)  The Real Real = Shop in-store, online at TheRealReal.com , or download the app and get 20% off select items with promo codes REALSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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It's time for a quickie. Podcast One presents The Lady Gang, the Hollywood girl posse with Lady Gang quickie. Here's Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. Let's make this quick. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to the Lady Gang Chicago. I see all of you with your designer purses just up on the stage.

You can't put those on the ground. You know, they're too expensive. Put them on the stage. We got to give a big thanks to Ketawon Botanical for sponsoring our summer tour. Yep. How delicious are these spritzes? They're so good. You know the best part about it?

I'm the laziest cocktail maker on the planet. it all summer long it's just keta one botanical soda water and a goddamn garnish and it's no added sugar artificial sweeteners or and it's no carbs which we love we love it a little more jacqueline um there are three varietals there's peach and orange blossom cucumber mint and grapefruit and rose i hope you guys all got your little sampler they're delicious they're a great summer drink good for brunch in good for bachelorette parties and just a good ladies day drink i saw you on instagram for the one person that instagrams me a day i know you you really made her day thank you it's true all right well and it's time for good week i'm going first again i get nervous

you guys i always have a nervous poop before we go on and then like i need to get it out so then i can drink and not like think about things okay i'm gonna start with my bad thank you you're welcome so much information well you don't want me to like get you know gassy while i'm sitting up here because the nerves are speaking of this is important psa the gas psa oh the yes okay so you guys ever get trapped gas yeah you're practically watching the doctors right now just so you know definitely trust everything we say in a medical totally um if you ever get trapped gas after an airplane it happens lay on your left hand side and you put your arm above your head are there any nurses or doctors in here that can say that it's right right

the nurse says i'm right doctor nurse nurse and then it just pushes it all out doctor doctor why are you here we are far too stupid for you everyone needs an outlet she's listening while she's like doing surgery yeah well i just needed everybody to you what i lasik whoa i need mine fixed so i'm gonna come to you later today yeah just like put a needle in my eye jack bought a lasik surgery off groupon and she's having are you having trouble yes it's time to move on to the next section Take a sip, bitch. Does anybody else have anxiety like Kelty because we said we were doing Good Week, Bad Week, but then we're not?

All the Keltys. My people. You guys. You need a drink. All the Keltys in here. We made Kelty Chug One. Jack, for the sake of your friends. God damn it.

Okay. I'm starting with Bad Week. I'm switching it up. So my Bad Week is I live in an apartment complex where my balcony kind of overlooks the street and cars will, you know, drive by as they do on streets. and one night I was out on my balcony I was having a glass of wine, I was enjoying the sunset and a car kind of pulls up slowly and parks right in front of my

apartment balcony and I go and I kind of look in the car and it's a girl and she's talking on speakerphone with a man and I start eavesdropping because I'm a nosy little bitch and it turns out that she is having full on

phone sex with her boyfriend on speakerphone in a car, which by the way, you should know, even if your windows are up, I can still hear what's going on in your car. So I'm going to read some of my favorite quotes. Yes. From the phone sex. Yes. Babe, my dick feels like it's eight feet long. Suck my balls, bitch. i can't wait to suck on your supple breasts my porn won't load where did we put those nipple clamps again and then i'm assuming after he gets off my dick feels like a slug and the best part of it all is i'm looking over at this girl

while they're having phone sex and the bitch is eating a sandwich that's good as we do because anytime i'm like sexting i'm definitely taking a shit you're never like in a sex you're not like masturbating while you're sexting you're definitely like eating a nice like pasta meal do you still sex do i say no no you don't sex in a relationship you only sex with strangers right right okay my good week so i have insomnia I can't sleep ever. The only way I can sleep is if I smoke weed or take Ambien. I talked about Ambien on our last live show, so I probably sound like an addict right now, but the other night I take an Ambien, and when I take an Ambien, if anybody's taken one before, you do weird shit.

You say weird shit. I used to text random guys that I wanted them to roll me up in a little ball and stick me in their pocket and take me with them forever. Now because I have a boyfriend, I just like texting weird shit, and then I'll like look up weird stuff online. So the other night I took an Ambien. I wake up the next morning. I don't really remember what I did, so I'm looking through my text messages. I'm like, nothing weird was said. I look on my browser page on my internet, and I was on this Facebook page called Nicholas Cage's Face on Things. And it's a Facebook page of Nicholas Cage's face photoshopped on different things, like a pickle, like pickless cage. So I didn't think anything of it. A couple

days go by i come home i have a big box in the mail in said box idiot is a pillow it's like a sequin pillow i'm like huh what is this i got four of them four nicholas page pillows who likes nicholas cage in here can you take this off of my hands here she looks like she really wants i don't want it. I have three at home. Wow. But that's a great week. It's better than like texting random dudes things. Why don't you just not get on your phone after Ambien? Because it's like a fun little thing to figure out in the morning. It's like I'm playing detective. I'm worried. Okay, I'm going next. My bad week. We flew here yesterday and my flight was at 6 a.m. and I had to leave for the airport at 4 so I go down to my driveway and I'm waiting for the uber and across the street I have

this neighbor who I've always wondered what his story was he's single he's probably 60 I googled him and he used to be an actor like a working actor but no one famous but it doesn't appear that he's ever been married I don't I don't think that he's gay I don't know what his story is and I'm very confused by it. Serial killer. Well, he also leaves every single morning with his yoga mat, like every morning at 6 a.m. ish. He parks his car in his driveway, and I'm sitting there.

It's so quiet. It's so dark out in the middle of the night, and I hear tapping, like tapping on, like, his car. And I'm terrified. I'm afraid of everything. I'm like, okay, it's probably a raccoon going through his garbage cans. it's not really a big deal and I'm like hello and I hear tapping and I'm pretty sure it was coming from his trunk and I did nothing wait I always go to the worst case scenario and I was

right yeah he killed somebody well not yet but so now I think I live across from a serial killer I think I might be responsible for some person's death she was crying out for help but what was I supposed to do she had to get to the airport i had to lady you know you know like i just couldn't throw a wrench in my day like that i hope to god are you fixing my weave she's covering your extension dance moves like made it available thank you this is taking too much time from the show okay okay my good week is um when we started the lady gang pretty early on my good week was that This guy calls himself Papa Roxy, his artist name. Oh, my gosh.

And he writes songs. Did someone say Roxy? Roxy Hart! No. Has anybody not seen Chicago? Am I the only one that doesn't get this reference? This is so upsetting. No, it's Papa Roxy, like the people you call to take your picture.

Oh, paparazzi. What the f*** did you not get that? I thought you said papa-roxy. Oh, my God. Paparazzi, okay? He calls himself paparazzi. And for a really long time, there was a YouTube video of him singing a song about me, and it was called the Becca Tobin super song.

Well, I was tweeted the other day that this young man has the actual Becca Tobin super song available on iTunes now and I'd like to play it for you. Can we afford this? Becca Tobin, you're such a nice woman. You're such a good singer and dancer and actress, oh yeah. Becca, Becca, Becca, Becca Tobin. Okay, you get the picture. But I want everyone to go over and spend 99 cents on this song on itunes let's get it in the topping the charts please it's called the becca tobin super song thank you everybody uh kelty what's up ah there's a new podcast in town there's a new gang is anyone listening this is my good week what gang it's called the tiny meat gang podcast what i don't know what it's about i haven't listened to it but i was on itunes and

i was like gangs we started something oh my god kelty gangs have been around a long time but like gangy podcasts no and i thought it would be so fun to do a collaboration between the lady gang and the tiny meat gang like meat as in like like tiny micro penis no the icon is just a steak oh so they're just like miniature meat it's a tiny meat gang i think like i think immediately your micro penis like a tiny meat you would yeah actually i don't know what it's about but check it out that's my good week my bad week happened last night when i arrived in your shitty town of chicago no no let me tell you something i don't trust any airport with an automatic flush that's so many of them every bathroom in america has automatic flushers exactly what fell down your

flush so i like to travel in my air force one jumpsuit everyone's you know mainstream it's green it has many pockets that can hold different things boarding pass diet coke you know whatever so i'm peeing like a douchebag i did not want anyone to talk to me yesterday don't try to make small talk with me unless you're a fan unless unless you're a paparazzi um i was like so i had my airpods in the whole time from arrival to arriving i know i'm a douchebag and i put a lot of things in my pocket lip chap charlotte tilbury very overpriced lipstick ipod charging case thingamajigger on this side i had other things anyway so i i peed and then i stood up and then i turned around and i was like oh i gotta zip up my thing and the holder for my ipod

and then i was like i'm gonna go in and oh automatic flash and it was gone and this is somehow chicago's fault it's i'm just saying that so far on tour i've had bad things happen to me in every airport dallas i had no voice okay well my story no one's laughing so let's move on it was you got your laugh you're good okay anyway so now i just have airpods but nowhere to charge them oh my god first world problems the lady gang all right it's time for allegedly allegedly what's to have you don't have to say with me you know that this isn't like a segment that we all say together so you're right okay we have things to talk about lady gang feel free to yell at me sean mendez and camila do you love him wait you have a story about sean

my best friend got married two weeks ago and we were at the waldorf astoria getting ready which sean mendez was also at getting ready he wished my best friend a happy wedding day and i shunned him and told him to i did not realize that it was sean mendez at the time I hate you. Oh, no. Get out. This can only mean one thing. Get the f*** out.

Get the f*** out. How dare you treat our Shawn like that? That Canadian tight pant national treasure? Shawn Mendes is our collective boyfriend. I understand you. Do you want to know why? Because Shawn Mendes walking down the street is nobody. Yes, he is.

He's so cute. It's his swagger. It's his when he's performing. but i understand i probably would have done the same this kid his underwear ads are they good he's like i'm like 12 do you okay not in that picture hands up if you are as the kids say shipping camila and sean whoa you guys you guys are savage okay so my question is has it are they a couple has it been announced that paparazzi saw them making out oh they're making out i just saw them like kind of holding hands and like canoodling it's publicity their song but it's smart but

they're also totally boning they have to be but you don't yeah you're boning if you have the opportunity to bone the mendez and you don't bone the fucking mendez bone men dead it's in his blood oh my god all right next topic so we know that tay swizzle and scooter we're on are in a fight that's fine old news so Tay Tay sang the song shake it off at the big concert this weekend and she enunciated her words and now everything everyone feels like she was shading Scooter because she said she over enunciated liars and the dirty dirty cheats of the world I'm on team Tay I'm on team Tay for this one I'm not I'm not I'm not either No.

You don't want to own the Masters to play the victim. You can't play the victim when you're, like, the most powerful girl in music. Yeah, no, I'm sick of it. Put your big girl panties on. This is business. Thank you. But at the same time, if we had the opportunity to buy back the Masters, all 254 episodes of Lady Gang, we would want the opportunity.

We could buy them for $5. ours is not for sale for 300 million i'll tell you that much okay next topic julianne huff julianne huff and her husband brooks like have had trouble in the bedroom they've been seeing a sex therapist and they've worked together to create an erotic blueprint wait what the is that that sounds like something you would do it does maybe you and julianne should be friends i don't need it exactly thank you everyone knows kelty everyone you guys i wish that everybody saw kelty trying to face down with her husband earlier it was the most like traumatizing thing i have ever seen of kelty putting the camera like to her vagina while she's like grinding

in her leopard onesie it was disgusting who's been married the longest anyway congrats all right final topic because jack said that when we do allegedly is at the live show it's boring so i have to go through it quickly gwyneth paltrow got roasted online because she didn't recognize her co-worker for the third time but it wasn't just anyone it was sebastian stan from avengers so she introduced herself three separate times to a guy that stars in the movies with her Kelty, you do this all the time. Kelty does this all the time. Also, I've heard really bad things about Sebastian.

Maybe she's choosing not to remember him. You know what I mean? I don't even know who that is. It's a great tactic. Any boys, you're like, who are you? Oh, hi. He's an actor? Nice to meet you.

She forgot she was in that movie? Yeah, she didn't remember she was in the movie. That's a boss move. Yeah. She's like, oh, sorry. I was so busy putting eggs in my vagina. I forgot that I even acted last year. I acted in an entire movie.

All right. I just want to defend myself based on this story. It's not that I don't remember people. It's that I don't care. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. Isn't that worse?

I don't remember any of you guys later. No. But, but, during the taping of Lady Gang TV, my friend Rebecca Tobin, who's been raised brilliantly, taught me a secret, which is when I see someone, whether I know who they are or not, I say, watch. Ready, Jack? It's so good to see you. Yeah. Oh, instead of meet you, because she doesn't know if she's met you or not. Yeah. My sister's shaking her head like a righteous bitch over there. Because the only good thing about being raised in Atlanta is that sometimes the southern manners are just better, you know? And so the nice thing in the South is to always say nice to see you,

no matter what let's all adopt that okay ready i'll say it's so nice to see you oh good to see you again that's great cool looking so thin your boyfriends must really be working you out at night she's got six boyfriends you get it okay i got it i got it she's having a lot of sex okay okay on that note on that note hold on hold on hold on i need to do the last thing please follow us on instagram at at the lady gang you can also sign up for our newsletter at the lady gang.com you can also unfollow kelty at kelty on so rude merchandise available today we have new bride gang things because all of y'all are going to weddings and jack was like i'm sick of all the bridal ugliness on amazon.com so please get bridal things

i am at kelty on instagram at k e l t i e at becca at jack vanek we are the lady gang thank you for coming and we will see you next tuesday that escalated quickly hey guys thanks so much for listening to the lady gang you can subscribe if you love the show and check out new episodes every tuesday and thursday on podcast one or wherever you get your favorite podcasts follow us on social at the lady gang or follow us personally at kelsey at becca at jack bannock and head on over to our website theladygang.com to ask us questions sign up for our newsletter or buy all the cute lady gang merch you see us wearing thanks for listening and we'll see you next tuesday

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