LadyGang - LG QUICKIE: LadyHang Live in Los Angeles!

Episode Date: October 3, 2019

The LadyGang is coming to you LIVE from LA with an epic GWBW but most importantly...an even more epic showdown to see which dad knows their daughter best! Shout out to this episode's sponsors! Batwoman – Catch the premiere of Batwoman Sunday only on the CW. Nancy Drew – Catch the premiere of Nancy Drew Wednesday only on the CW. Zip Recruiter – Try Zip Recruiter for free at ziprecruiter.com/gang. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey guys, the following podcast is a Lady Gang Network and Podcast One production, which means it's going to be awesome. Podcast One presents the Lady Gang, the Hollywood girl posse with Lady Gang Quickie. Here's Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. Let's make this quick. We're ready. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to the Lady Gang.

i'm becca tobin here with jack vanek and today is katie nightly okay who who saw this all right on the marquee did anybody see kelty's name honestly i wish i had thought of it i'm so mad but ricky sends us a picture right before we get here he's like your names are on the marquee And it says, Katie Knightley. For somebody that is so typist. As the most famous member of the lady gang and most culturally relevant, it is hard when a spelling mistake is made. It's true. It happens to J-Lo all the time.

Yeah, totally. And Beyonce. Okay. Before we get started. We are so excited. Okay, it's my part. Thank you. That's a prompt.

We've had the best summer. We hit seven cities all across America. The Lady Hang Tour is so good. And we couldn't have done it without our beautiful sponsor, Kettle One Botanicals. We're so excited. I'm drinking a very strong one at the moment. There's no carbs, no artificial flavors, no added sugars, and no artificial sweeteners, which means drink up, bitches.

We're all natural, bitches. It's also 73 calories per glass. That's 40% fewer calories than a glass of white wine. Who's still drinking white wine? Girl, you better switch that out. Switch that up. We can see you. I have a hangover already.

Okay, and we're drinking spritzes, which is the lazy girl's version of a fancy drink. It's vodka, botanical, and soda. Even us dumb bitches can make it. And the flavors are peach and orange blossom, cucumber mint, and grapefruit and rose. and we love them. You know I'm a spritz connoisseur and it's got the Lady Gang stamp

of approval. Yes. And now it is time for Good Week Bad Week. Actually. I'm starting. Are you starting?

No, Jack has to start because she'll poop her pants. I know. Okay, you guys. I know you've listened or you've probably listened to our live shows before. I have a nervous poop

before every single show and if I don't get my Good Week Bad Week out first, I'm going to shit my pants on stage so I have to go. My Good Week.

Okay, so I don't remember which live show it was, but a few live shows before, Becca Tobin publicly shamed me for using too much toilet paper. She's a bitch. And just blasted it out to everybody on the planet. I did not realize how much toilet paper I was using when I take a pee. Jared, she uses a lot of toilet paper, right? Thank you. Jared, what the fuck?

You're going to go broke. So, after I've been publicly shamed, don't show it yet. Don't show it yet. After I've been publicly shamed, this turned into a debate on the Lady Gang Facebook group. People were sharing their own experiences with toilet paper usage. People were wondering how much toilet paper you should be using because we don't talk about it. So, I decided to take it upon myself to poll my 28,000 closest friends on our Lady Gang Facebook group and see if I was f***ing crazy or if you bitches are assholes.

So, I made a poll. We know the answer. And I took all of my data, and I have created a pie chart. Is this Shark Tank? However f***ing much I want. Toilet Paper Gate 2019. These assholes use one to three squares, which is 3% of the population. I said four squares.

No. I said three to four. three to four is not even on there but 62 percent of you ladies agree with me and i'm not crazy wow jack isn't my part you're nice though honestly i can't get jack to complete one thing on our to-do list but you found the time to make this like oh my god jack we need Baby clothes in the merch store. I've been asking you for four weeks.

Holy shit. This is more important. Did your mom make this for you? Yeah. You didn't make this. You did, didn't you? She didn't. Mae?

Mae, come clean. Okay. Okay, my bad. She's like, I only took her SATs. I would never, ever make this for her. A pluses, mom. Only. A plus.

What's your bad week? Okay, my bad week. I've been with my boyfriend, Jared, for a year, but we have known each other for 10 years. And I don't believe in soulmates, but we have had this kind of soulmatey sort of a connection ever since we met. And my parents are crazy and they keep every single thing that I've done in my entire life. The other lady hang that we had, Becca I did a dramatic reading of an emo writing that I had made. My parents keep my homework.

Every note I've written, everything. So recently my mom called me and she's like, oh my God, Jacqueline, I found a picture or a poster of the Maine from like 2009 and you wrote something on it and I think you're going to like really like it. Oh God. So here's the poster. And I have, I have circled with a heart, not Jared, not Jared, but his singer, but his singer john with jack next to it and then it made me remember that i have made out with john before

sorry jared it was a postcard but i blew it up for you know oh wow kelty would you like to go wow okay mine's not quite as career uh relationship ending as jacks um so everyone knows that i have broken my foot and i've been scooting around the world do we i don't know if you've seen on my instagram like make it fashion but like make it fashion can everybody tell her to stop doing that so i'm at work the other day after like three and a half weeks of scooting and i realized something amazing i trained my dog callie to mush mush i had her on the leash i put the leash around the handle at work and i was like run callie

and she started running and then i just lifted up the other leg and i was just being pulled around work like i was on a toboggan what is it sounds like like when you're oh you're not from canada okay so like dog sled a dog sled mush mush mush like let's go bitches you know it's when the The dogs pull the sled. Mush, mush. We get it, we get it. I get it. I just don't understand the origin of mush.

Okay. It sounds like you're maybe making like a dog stew. Anyway, that was my good week, but nobody claps, so that's weird. Well, my bad week is that I once was the head bitch in charge of the Lady Gang and did like 99% of the work. And then we did a show in L.A., my hometown, and on the sign it said Katie Knightley. yeah i'm sorry we stole your bad week from you before yeah you stole it so but that's it all right i'm gonna start with my bad week so at all the live shows we've been really trolling the men like really hard if you've heard it yeah i see you i like you're selling your husband out over there

um and uh we always tell women you know we like to make a public service announcement if a husband or boyfriend has taken you to the show you owe him a blow job tonight well my parents are in wait does that mean us does that mean us no they didn't buy tickets we do not have to give them blow jobs um but however circumvent the problem thank god thank god last night my dad looked at me and he goes so does your mom have to follow the rule and this is why i am exactly why i am this way this is the man responsible kill me i have secondhand embarrassment right now you're welcome did you decide does she have to follow the rule yeah

Becca Chris in the guest room she made the rule I can I am gonna die I feel gross for you okay well stay tuned they're staying in our guest room

okay so my good week is this it's always a competition amongst the three Z-list people up on stage of who's the most famous and I don't really care. Kelsey, where do you get this information from

that you're the most famous? I polled everyone. Hang tight, hang tight, hang tight. So I don't like this game because I feel like I'm Michael Jordan and I'm just playing in the schoolyard, you know? But sometimes I really got to put them in their place and I was sent a link a couple weeks ago

that you can actually get your favorite celebrity made as a cardboard cutout and guess who's listed as one of the celebs that you can get a card word cut out. Let's bring it on out. Here she is. She's a little short. I'm a little upset about it.

Fine, whatever. Okay, here she is in all her glory. Put her next to the toilet paper gate. Okay? All right, well. It's a great outfit. It's life-size. You're looking great.

It is not. I'm fucking taller. You have heels on. It's exactly your height. I'm wearing heels in this photo. Anyways, I don't have time for this. Well, it's 98% to size. I don't have any time for this.

However, I'm so sorry. I felt so bad. I was like, they need their own cutouts. So I found beautiful photos, and I did them. God damn it, I'm holding tampons! Thank you. I'll just hold this. That's so f***ed up!

honestly you could have chosen a worse photo of me you know there's not even the worst picture i've seen of jack there's way bit worse way worse look at her face mine is horrible it is an obi tampon i also just like that she's holding tampons okay i'll just this is fun to keep over here honestly though those are rothy's shoes and they pay for this podcast so we're not mad all right all right well okay this stage is getting very full for what i planned and no one asked me about this stuff surprise bitches it's everybody's good week today because we're doing a 500 giveaway to spanks we freaking love spanks we're wearing them right now and everybody knows spanks for their shapewear but they are more than

just a shapewear brand they've revolutionized the way that women get dressed by taking their years of experience in shapewear and they have just launched their perfect black pant collection which tanya ryan is wearing get up here extra small just give me a walk give me your bed there's the high rise flare for pocket pant cropped flare and back skinny pant they're all tailored to perfection and also you can wash them in your machines yay what else oh and great if you're a VIP holder. If you're not a cheap bitch, and you're a VIP holder, you get a, in your bag

is a code for a free pair of the perfect pant. That's right. And if you want, you can go to Spanx.com slash Lady Gang, enter promo code Lady Gang at checkout for 10% off your order if you were cheap and you didn't buy VIP tickets. The Lady Gang.

Now, dads, please make your way to the stage. They're already here, Kelty. Our dads are here, except Kelty's, because she's not loved. Come on, Tom Tobin. Come on up. Hi, Dad. Hi, Dad.

This is my dad, Bill. He's the best. We need you to put on this sweatshirt in order to play this game. You must wear this. Yeah, we got your sweatshirt. I'll hold your mic. Jacqueline, your dad and her, you will be stage left. Please come over here. Dad gang. Dad, put down your beer and get in the game.

Now, we are going to be playing a game of Dad Trivia hosted by Emmy-winning Kelty Knight. So the way this game works is that I'm going to ask trivia questions to both of you

at the same time. You are going to hold your daughter's hand. If you know the answer, you or your daughter are going to shake this. Hand. Giant dildo.

I crafted this myself. So dad trivia, hold your, no, you gotta, you gotta tap her on the shoulder. If you know the answer, say shake,

and you shake, and we're gonna see who gets the most right. Are you guys ready for dad trivia? Dad gang. First question. Number one.

Where was Becca Tobin conceived? I got it. Let me try. Let him try. Try. Backseat of a

57 Chevy. That's pretty cool. Okay. You want to steal? You want to steal? Breckenridge ski trip. I love Breckenridge. Nice choice.

That's why I had a winter wedding. One point. Tom Tobin. Number two. What is a diva cup used for? Diva cup. Do you know? Think about it.

Diva cup. Don't shoot, Jack. Diva cup. Diva cup. Take a guess if you don't know. Lady things. Diva cup. It's a lady thing.

It's a lady thing you were just talking about. It's a cup for your diva. What? Right. It's a cup. Sounds like. You have no idea. Do you want to?

Wait, I have a question. Does any man in this audience know what a diva cup is? Chris knows. Yeah, because you had blood splattered all over your bathroom because of it. That is true. All right, they both lose. All right, fine, you both lose. It's a cup that catches your menses.

Next question. Finish this sentence. were not here for a long time. But we're here for a good time. Good time, time. Cheater. Cheater. Two points to Tom Tobin.

They didn't shake their dildo. They shook it. They shook the dildo. Well, you said it. She has to call on you. He screamed it. Okay. Bill, come on.

Question number four. Bill, as a longtime Lady Gang listener and filmer, cinematographer, I'm going to need you to get in the game. Here we go. Number four. where was Jack Vanna conceived

hold on sounds like a shake oh you got it you got it Tom backseat of the same 50 oh god dad is that right dad incorrect he doesn't know wait was it really

really that's false your mom is saying it's false where was she conceived May in a doctor's office oh oh yeah that's why she's super human that's why she's so weird that's why her legs are so long isn't it last question there's no way in hell you can win but tom for the win here we go finish this sentence see you next tuesday we're super competitive

Tom Chobin the winner good job dad gang you tried dad thanks for listening and make sure to rate and review this podcast wherever you get your podcast we have new episodes of Lady Gang every Tuesday and Thursday follow us on social

media at the Lady Gang follow us personally at Kelty most importantly at Becca and at Jack Bannick and we will see you next Tuesday Thank you.