LadyGang - LG QUICKIE: LadyHang Live in Phoenix!

Episode Date: August 29, 2019

The LadyGang is coming at you live from Phoenix with some important GWBW's but also some very important Allegedly (whasahappening?) pondering the hotness of the Hemsworths, someone's leaving Housewives, and how to lose your friendship with Jamie Foxx. Shout out to this episode's sponsors! Ship – Search for the SHIP dating app in the app store and start swiping with friends today.  Postmates – Get $100 of free delivery credit for your first 7 days when you download the app and use code LADYGANG.  La Croix – Learn more at lacroixwater.com and find your favorite flavors at retailers near you.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey guys, the following podcast is a Lady Gang Network and Podcast One production, which means it's going to be awesome. massive Labor Day event. Hurry into your local Sleep Number store today because we have your number. Podcast One presents The Lady Gang, The Hollywood Girl Posse with Lady Gang Quickie. Here's Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. Let's make this quick. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to the Lady Gang in Phoenix. Becca Tobin, Jack Vanek, and Kelty Knight.

Thank you. We are so excited to be here, and we want to thank our sponsor, Kettle One Botanical. I would like to thank them a lot. Who has a Kettle One drink? This is the Spritz, and you know what's amazing? is that I don't even feel guilty about it. You want to know why? It's also 40% less calories than a white wine.

So trade your wine in, girls. Okay. It's the new Basic Bix drink. I don't know if you guys have gotten your Cuddle One botanical drinks, but we have grapefruit and rose, cucumber mint, and orange, and peach, and they're all so delicious. And I'm a Spritz fan. So, stamp of approval.

She knows. All right. Well, now it's time for... I love you guys. I'm starting. Oh, my God. Here's my good week. So, you guys heard Jared Jack's boyfriend.

Yeah. Jerry. the phoenix man okay all right it's jack's boyfriend um we were talking about jack on the podcast this week and how she uses so much of his toilet paper. God damn it!

I'm trying to be a better person. She's a wiper. Hyper wiper. She's a hyper goddamn wiper. But your butthole's clean. I actually found something and I brought it to Phoenix because this is Jared's

hometown and I thought that he could use this in his house. Is it a bidet? So you can just take all this paper and just really get in there. Just get in there. This is a booster. I never realized that my wiping was a problem before. I'm going to show her right now.

Jack, hold this. I'll be the paper holder. This is the appropriate amount for number one. Three. Three squares. You fold it. Is that too little? More.

You fold it. I said that I have been very, very conscious of my toilet paper usage since I got called out. Number two. No. No, that's too much even for me. This is... What I would do with this amount is I would do two wipes. The initial...

And then a secondary where you really get in there and you make it bleed. wait you're wiping your your poopy ass with three squares of toilet paper guys this is what toilet paper was made for okay mama find me bitch okay all right my bad week i'll take it this is great no jared's taking this oh yeah yeah okay my bad week this is very sad so i was at the beach with my family in Florida, the panhandle. It's basically like Paris. And we were at the pool and I was like, you know what? I deserve a drink. I've been dealing with other people's kids and I want a drink. So I went to the bar with my mom and I had a hat on like sunglasses as you do. The sun protection is very important at this age. And I go to the bar with my mom

And I'm like, hey, can I get a skinny margarita? Even though they're never f***ing skinny in the South. They don't even know what the f*** a skinny margarita is. 800 calories. It's upsetting. And so she's like, sure, but do you have your ID? And I was like, no, but this is my mom. And she goes, okay, can you take off your sunglasses?

I took off my sunglasses. She literally. You're fine. Yikes. The age has got to show somewhere. Bitch. Bitch. So there's my bad week.

I look incredible with 80% of my face covered. check that's what botox is for thank you it's not working same okay um my good week is a simple one phoenix has kind of become my second home over the past year we already had our jerry chant which i love and i tagged him and sent it over which is great because so many people have been going to his concert and only tagging me in like videos of him playing which i also really really love and appreciate um but i come here all the time i was here last weekend i went floating on the salt river it's disgusting i have a goddamn yeast infection from it so thank you we told you i said you know what happens when you go on those river

rides a yeast infection you're like it's gonna be fun adventure you know what and i keep going and it's fun as and then i have a yeast infection like three days later maybe because you're wearing dental floss as a bikini bottom also that i'm not gonna stop not gonna stop um but my good week is you guys we've had this tour has been seven cities and phoenix is one of these cities and you guys have sold the out of this place so thank you for being amazing that's my good week um my bad week is my parents are crazy and they have saved every single thing that i've done in my entire life from like notes i've written to friends she's an only child journal entries to like magazine articles and uh the other week my mom found all of my like emo musings that i wrote

in my early 20s and i want you to like picture this i'm 21 years old orange hair half of an eyebrow dark black eyeliner like dripping down my face i'm in my room alone listening to mumford Sons on vinyl drinking Johnny Walker Black and typing about how heartbroken and sad I am on a typewriter on like tea stained parchment paper that I did

myself. You deserved it. I found my favorite little musing and I want Becca to read it. But you can start from Tell me where. From the middle right there. Here? Yeah. I want her, because Becca's really good at a dramatic

Okay. Jack Vanek. I think I'm going to float away. And I don't expect you to follow me. Because no one ever does. I think I'm going to float away. And I don't expect you to chase after me. Because no one ever does. Because everyone leaves. And if I float away, I don't expect you to chase after me. We get it. Because no one does. No one ever does. And then, this is the best part. She added something at the bottom in pen. Fuck you, Caleb. Fuck you, Caleb. You fucking fuck. You're welcome. Wow. So sad. Fuck you, Caleb. If only you had real problems i repeated it again on the back too you can use your imagination you don't chase after me no one does no one ever follows me except my dad with a camcorder everywhere all right kelty uh

my good week out of the blue this week my big fancy agency sent me a breakdown that I found out that a big show on ABC wanted to cast me as an actress. It was so out of the blue. They must have seen me in Sharknado 5. She was in that. I was excellent. She was.

Yes, I was. Anyway, it's just an odd thing because, you know, I am a television host, Emmy Award winning, and so it is, it's like, oh you want me to act now you want me to be an egot oh okay by the way i'm gonna cut you off today kelty was trying to plan how she's gonna get her egots yeah would you guys listen to a grammy nominated live camp comedy album by the lady gang

yeah they do it's called a podcast dreams come true baby anyway so i get the breakdown from my age and it's like hey kelty are you able to go to this audition and i was like sorry justin i'm too busy can i put myself on tape i don't even know what that means so then i'm like talking to becca we're working and i was like becca you'll never believe this i who have never been on television before as an actress got an audition for like a big television show and she was like oh she also got that audition by the way this was on a podcast that will come out

we talked about this because it was happening live while we were recording a podcast anyway Becca's been on a hit television show so I just want to make sure that we're clear on the levels of acting which are happening television show Broadway star hit TV show

name character on hit TV show and me Sharknado 5 evening out in the middle that's pretty good so now that was my good week so now I'm looking for new representation

if anyone has a friend who works at an agency in Los Angeles someone who won't submit me for something that Kelty Knight is also auditioning for

so my bad week I put myself on tape Becca refused to audition she was like honestly I don't want that it wasn't a big enough role wait wasn't it it was a

it was a role for one episode one episode guest star has like two lines no you had about seven lines anyway i put myself on tape i put myself on tape and i submit it they're like it's moving fast we need your tape right away it's like no problem i put myself on tape i got the tape over to them by 11 a.m she's heard nothing and guess who got a second nudge to put that on tape

what the hell is shit did you get a nudge I did how do you think she wouldn't get a nudge of course I got a nudge they're like you should see the garbage that's come in okay is that it

no we're done the lady gag okay here we go it's time for allegedly what's a happening alright well the biggest story of the week I didn't get cast on Dancing with the Stars Kelty is actually pissed off about this

on the show this year you'll get to hang out with no names like Lamar Odom Christy Brinkley who was also Roxy three times on Broadway bullshit Hannah Brown who's that I love Hannah Beast who's Hannah Beast

from The Bachelorette bitch what Karamo are you Are you f***ing kidding me? She was the best season ever. Wait, we're not fighting this. We're not doing this. Just kidding.

We're not doing this. Okay, that wasn't really news, that was a joke. Alright, the news, the bi- Yeah. The news, I know what you care about, this next story. KFC has released scented sunscreen. You can now have fried chicken- Thank you, Lainey.

Scented sunscreen. Here in Phoenix, in the desert. Wait, no, the better chicken scandal is Popeye's and Chick-fil-A. Popeye's copied exactly a Chick-fil-A sandwich and then was like, well, you can get it on Sundays. Get it on Sundays. Okay, I have a few things to say. I use a skin serum at night that smells like fried chicken. Oh, is it the P50?

It's SkinCeuticals. C for Rilic something. And every time I get into bed, Zach is like, God damn it. You smell like a hot dog. Wait, is it a hot dog or a fried chicken? It smells like both. It's a hot meat. A hot meat. And I gotta say, sometimes throughout the day, what sometimes throughout the day i get a whiff of it and i feel youthful i'm like because only young people can eat fried food and just like it's true so i'm down i want this spf if anybody finds it please send it my way all right next story This is going to make you feel so old. Maddox, like Maddox Jolie, he's going to f***ing college.

He's a freshman. Angelina just dropped off that tiny little two-year-old at college. I am 107. He's going to get laid so much in college. He's, like, hot, yeah? I mean, he's, like, not hot like I would fuck him, but he's hot like I'd fuck him for a jet. You wouldn't fuck him, Kelsey?

He's so young. He's too young. Yeah, I know. That's the problem. Do you guys have anything to say about Maddox? Not really. Not really. I'm into Shiloh.

I am digging the vibe that Shiloh is putting out there. maybe the most beautiful human on the planet. I don't know who that is either. I don't give a fuck. I'm going to wear cargo shorts. I am that fucking beautiful. I'm going to be in a cargo short and a Teva. Yeah, Tevas are bad.

All right, next. Okay. Miley and Liam. well i'll go first miley's body is on point honey the pilates is looking great honestly i don't care she's my height yeah she looks great wait what does her height have to do anything with it i don't know well sometimes no sometimes in hollywood When you see, you know, a Victoria's Secret model, you're like, oh, my God, her legs are so beautiful. Yes, she's 6'4".

Her legs are photographing gorgeously. But when someone has an insane body and they're your same height, that means you could have that body if you did Pilates four hours a day, which you don't. You wear elastic waistband shorts because you're old. You're not short, though. I didn't say I'm short. I said, Miley and I are the same beautiful height. Oh, my God. At least your knees look amazing.

Pelti is still showing off her knees. Don't they look good? Yep. Last time I showed my knees, I was told they looked like balls, so I wear pants now. So, Miley and Liam, so many years ago, many months ago, Spencer Pratt was on the podcast, The Latest Time. Do you guys remember?

Our fave. When we hit the off button, he was like, oh, you guys don't even know what is about to go down. We were told. Wait, did he talk? We've known for months that this marriage was over. And he was like, shit's going down. Brody and Caitlin weren't even married. And we were like, and then I was instantly like, Entertainment Tonight news desk.

Just kidding. I wasn't. I kept that secret. Yeah, we did know early. Really early. What's happening? We don't know. Brody has a new hot girlfriend.

He does? Who? Who? Jose Cancenco's daughter. Allegedly. Oh. She looks great. She looks hot.

Wait, how did they just both get boyfriends and girlfriends? They've been broken up for a long time, far before the public knew. They had a prenup. Miley and Liam had a prenup. He is butt hurt. He is down surfing, down under in Australia. He is very upset. They had a prenup, but in the prenup, they did not discuss who would get the animals.

Miley is getting the animals in the split. the two horses the two mini horses the little piggy she is getting them all the animals liam liam to me just dropped down because liam was hotter because miley made him interesting now he's just liam is so hot the hottest man the the hemsworths are the hottest family thing ever hot i'll take you there what do you think about the hemsworth breakup i don't care okay all right next topic another celebrity breakup jamie fox allegedly has been dating katie holmes for six years they have now allegedly broken up now

interesting fact that was harsh i don't really care i care because i'll tell you what one time a long time ago i had a relationship with jamie fox myself a friendship a friendship we were friendly a friendship wait no no no no no no no what do you mean we had a relationship or you've said hi to him once no he he she embellishes a lot you haven't noticed trusted me as his trusted to-go interviewer that's not a friendship that's a friendship no and so thank you alex stop cleaning up thanks Plains?

Okay. I love you. Thank you. So, Jamie came to me and was like, I need to talk about a project. I trust you. And then the show I was working on forced me to ask about Katie. And then he blacklisted me for the past five years. Never would talk to me.

Skipped me on carpets. It was horrible. He's like a really good friend. I know. Like a really good friend. I'm sure that was hard. So now that they've broken up, I think it's time for us to be friends again. Wow.

This is sad. cricket cricket i guess no one cares katie holmes is boring no she's not i think she's boring wait what's not boring about her she did survive scientology i'll give her that she's not boring she just can't talk about anything she can't talk about it i would read that tell all i would read that she has a gag order okay her tongue is still in the center of Scientology on Franklin in Hollywood. Love it. That's why she's boring. She has

to be. Because they're standing outside her house trying to kill her. Last topic. This one is for Becca because it's the only topic she cares about. Bethany is leaving Housewives. Talk about it. I'm not okay. Thank you for asking. Wait, why is

she leaving? Give us a... I'm so upset. First of all, Everyone's leaving. I'm also boycotting. This show and also the Housewives. Listen, Bethany is a business mastermind. She's leaving, and then she's going to make a new business,

and then she's going to come back, right? And then also, Bethany, if you're listening, please invest in the lady game. Yeah. We need things. It's upsetting, but honestly, my dream, if you guys can make this happen, My next birthday party, Sonia.

I need an evening with Sonia. Does anyone know Sonia Morgan? I need to have a night. Does anyone know Jamie Foxx? What the fuck is happening? I need it. Did anyone see her fall off the table in Miami? Holy shit.

Jamie, you know what I'm talking about. We have loved coming to Phoenix. We're now going to get on a flight. Thank you for coming. Thank you for hanging. Buy lots of merch. It's free shipping. And make sure to follow me on Instagram, at Kelty.

No, don't do it. And we will see you next Tuesday. Thanks for listening. And make sure to rate and review this podcast wherever you get your podcasts. We have new episodes of Lady Gang every Tuesday and Thursday. Follow us on social media at TheLadyGang. uh follow us personally at kelty most importantly at becca and at jack banik and we will see you next tuesday hi i'm barbara aka your nursing educator on instagram i'm a registered nurse

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