LadyGang - LG QUICKIE: LadyLosers

Episode Date: May 28, 2020

Titling a book is hard. Because we have so many good ideas, it’s hard to pick a winner. We’re reading our unused book titles to you and reflecting on how/if they still played a part in the final product of “Act Like a Lady!” Thank you to today's sponsors! Larabar - Try one of Larabar’s Original Fruit & Nut Bars today!  Ritual – Get 10% off during your first three months at ritual.com/ladygang .  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

it's time for a quickie podcast one presents the lady gang the hollywood girl posse with lady gang quickie here's kelty knight becca tobin and jack vanek let's make this quick hello hello hello welcome to the lady gang quickie i am becca here with jack and kelty tell everyone what you just did i just scammed postmates yeah you're a f***ing thief oh there was a deal going on dirty here's what it is really here's how i justify it there's this so there's a deal going on where you can send your friend a pint of ice cream for free send a pint or something and i wanted to send it to zach he's my friend and that's true that's a loophole you know what you're show me the lie listen i just i did what i had to do guys and you know what you're kind

of just circumventing the problem of asking somebody else to do a favor for you. So you're doing a friend a favor by just sending yourself a free pint of ice cream. Yep. There you go. Friendship. Well, today's a very exciting episode of Lady Gang Quickie, something I've been looking forward to for over a year. A little backstory. As you know, our book, Act Like a Lady, is coming out June 2nd. And the hardest part, we've been starting to do press and stuff for the book, and people are always like what was it like writing the book was it hard whatever and we're like yeah you know and we kind of tell the same story but the truth was is the book process was fine the titling of the book was a oh god dumpster fire awful I think it took us seven months to name

the book I mean the amount of names and ideas and I throughout the process in true k-type have kept a running list of every time someone texted something in our group text being like what about this? What about this? I have the list. It's two whole saved documents on my phone. You're not even going to remember half of these, but I think today we're going to talk through, we're going to discuss possibles. We're going to take ownership of some of the titles if you thought this was the title and why. And you guys are going to just, I hope we ended up on the right title because now some of these are looking really good they're definitely not looking good okay the first title i'm not with stupid anymore i don't remember that one we did use that as a

chapter title for a breakups chapter so that did make it in the book oh we did yeah started from the bottom now we're slightly above the bottom i still love that one we also did use that as a chapter title too that wasn't that one was good shameless tameless and nameless oh I wish we'd done that don't blow it ladies I mean that that's pretty much that should have been like our mirror mantra as we were writing the book true damn it feels good to be a lady that sounds like a Shania a twain of us i'll see that sounds like one that you came up with probably um maybe swearing will help really yeah that's one of the titles maybe swearing will help i mean it does it's not wrong i mean i guess it helps here's a title from becca tobin a book for losers by losers

I still think we should have called it lady losers same that you know what that that was uh a voting process that we should have gone through because it would have definitely been a two to one vote I mean next book lady losers lady losers a book for losers by losers is it would grab my attention on the bookshelf same maybe you know if we ever do get a second book maybe that's the theme of our book for but we're not going to be losers by then like best-selling authors idiots but it can be i know a lot of best-selling off authors who are still definitely losers yes you don't have to be a winner to be a best-selling author at all you don't even have to be an author no that's true okay a book of advice you didn't want or need still believe in

that that would have been the the byline to the book yes that actually is great okay this one is amazing and i actually think we should steal it and still use it for something is everything terrible or am i just tired that's a good chapter name that is a good chapter name did i come up with that because i have a shirt that says um are you screaming or am i just hung over and it seems like a little offshoot of that yeah that's good well remember i was like jack you're so brilliant you've made a hundred cunty t-shirts like why can't you title this book well that was really depending on you all of our chapter titles are pretty much jack vanek t-shirts which is great logan's good which actually could you get to work in making some merch then because i think that

that's oh really what we need next is t-shirts with the title chapters yeah yes okay well by the time this comes out they will be up on the site they're up on the site guys go check it out i did it in two seconds code loser for five percent off wait no we really should do that okay use a code loser for free for i don't know what percent off but there'll be some special percentage to listeners yes okay the next book lady you know how like a book has like the title and then each letter is a word oh love anal dick pics i don't know who thought of that one wait love anal dick pics what's the last one and you i mean only one of us has done anal

so this is definitely not my title this is back as i like and you it's like you have like this health help books that are like yeah grief divorce and you it really like ties it up in a bow like nothing really makes sense but the and you really it's like it's a beautiful like nice little bring it in here's a picture of some waves and a sunset grab life by the ovaries i still liked that one same but then the book might have been like seemed a little bit more feminist than it is yeah or clinical okay keep your crotch top notch i still vote i think a book we have that illustration yes we do we use that okay here's when we started going down a deep hole the genius

still like it we do have the genius in the dictionary but i kind of feel like it didn't make it into the book and we just put it in the dictionary because we were going to include a quote from aj backstreet boys aj yeah and then under the quote it said aj mclean oh yes self-proclaimed the genius they take that out i think that yeah because we needed room in the book so i think we took the quote out so the genius might just be floating around dictionary by genius a floating the genius remember when i wanted to name the book just tits that was really we were losing it at that point the last three of these i was like let's name it tits lady hey ladies oh my god hey ladies would have just been the worst ever so bad

speaking of lady losers i got a dm when i posted um kelty's thermo thermometer story beautiful inspiring educational crazy this girl wrote me she goes she needs a nap and i think that that is my new favorite thing to say about kelty when she gets manic i had a really i had a really good reply to that story too i need to find it you did oh my god people were so nice okay your followers are so nice but then my followers spiteful bitches follow me and jack yeah totally and there's more of those than there are the nice ones we have worse becca and i have talked about it before where all of your i think you get like a skewed version of reality because all of your followers are like kelty stands yeah and you don't have any

like the fair weather lady gangers or no fear whether anybody following you she's in an echo chamber echo chamber it's like you're you just have yes men all around you so like anything you do everybody all the k-types you're like oh my god this is amazing yes this is more more more yeah this is why you just responded and they're like add a sticker for me no this is like if you hit mega fame the amount of bullying cyber bullying you would experience and cancellations on a daily basis would be like no staggering like no other celebrity would experience it yeah because like right now you can do no wrong like she's in her bubble all the times you fucked up all of your kelty stands are like it's okay kelty like they could

be like having the worst life ever ever and they'll empathize with your champagne problems that you're having true they were like yeah she gets validation jack what did they say about me okay so kill them no this it was actually pretty nice i'll add my list of people to kill like was the happy madison that movie anyway whatever happy gilmore billy madison remember he had that list of people to kill and then like and then billy madison was on it and then he crossed him out no nice to him anyways so sandra says i hope you'll actually like each other in real life because this energy seems great when in the right company i don't get it like if we didn't like each other if we didn't actually like kelty her energy would kill us slowly oh yeah but the fact that we

like kelty yeah it's it's the right company is there we love it oh i loved it and i'm honestly so excited to update my someone called it my penis chart and i was like yes well you know what i was gonna do for that chart is i have seen the thermometers that have a heart on the bottom but the heart really does look like two balls yeah and then the thermometer does look like a penis too dark so it went like a little bit too far but maybe i should have done it okay we also wanted to call the book oh wait we are when we come back we need a break the lady gang okay we're back three girls one book i like that one i'm still so bummed that we didn't start the beginning of the book that way do you think everyone would get it it's been so long since two girls one cup

existed it's such a famous video cultural icon it's infamous everybody knows yeah did you watch it yes i never watched it it was upsetting it was upsetting i think i watched parts of it how to make it in the world without a penis i like that one too that one was good we probably couldn't honestly we probably shouldn't even air this episode because there's a lot of really good titles that people are gonna steal well can't we use this as proof like when the title comes out that they've stolen ip from us i curse time stamped bitches yeah and then okay and then i went down my k-hole of like super emo titles and you guys hated them all but here are some of them scared this is scary but let's do it anyway oh my god i had no choice but to boss up

operation like yourself try not to think so much you're a mess but so am i are these going to be your book titles when you have your um what you've manifested as your next book deal without me and jack yeah have we talked about this on the podcast yet or was this we have talked about it um my book is going to be called kelty knight tries too hard so thank you so much i already have the title i feel like maybe you shouldn't use your name in it no it's like the most kelty thing of all time it's true tonight tries too hard a memoir by kelty knight by kelty knight written and edited by kelty knight that book will actually have a

really important question to ask Kelty when we're not recording. Okay. Just remind me. Okay. The last couple before we go. We're all kind of fucked up. Bad choices make good stories. You can't make everyone happy. You can have fun and still be a lady. Bad choices make good stories. This was actually funny because Kelty came up with that one and she didn't realize that that had been on a Jack Vanek shirt for about six years. Oh God. Yeah. You're like, how about this one? That was like the only suggestion that was decent yeah i'm like i have been selling that on my website for so half of a decade what's your best-selling jack vanek slogan of all time ray of sunshine yeah i'm a ray of sunshine we should have used some of those no it's fine so the other day i

was on instagram and there was like this really cute birthday card that was like um for a mother's and it was it said um uh i don't have a i don't have a grandchild for you but here's a card and i was like this is so funny like i should send this to my mom and i clicked through to the site and i was like gonna buy it and then they basically had every ripoff jack vanek product available and i was like this shit i can't support this company they even had like the little journals that were like people i want to hate volume one and i was like well this is why i'm not like a multi multi-millionaires because just all these big corporations ripped me off there are the other best selling thing is the sorry for partying shirt that's still at the jersey shore everywhere god

it is oh yeah it's all over the jersey shore i don't sell that one anymore no should you re it's summertime girl everybody's sitting at home doing nothing put it on your maybe kyle from summer house wants to have one i'm sure he'd wear that maybe i'll do a special edition for the summer house should we do a summer house collab yes yes yes i think you should reinstate like the like the the original jack vanek looks well we are trying to do we're trying to do jack vanek bracelets for the tour but the tour didn't happen that was going to be our thanks for bringing that up thanks for bringing that up sorry to crush your dreams so fragile so fragile man it's so weird because like Kelty posted this thing on Instagram or reposted somebody where it's like

I don't have fear of missing out I have fear of going out and I'm like but you wanted to tour the country with thousands of people so I just I I have to understand you you know where this comes from you know that the only reason that she'd come out is for people praising her oh because she's Tinkerbell yes she wouldn't come out just for you know to have socializing yeah not to connect. She's not missing human connection. She's missing applause. She's show me the lie. No, you know what I will say though, in my defense is that you're not wrong. You're not like you're, you're 50% there. But the other point is, and like, I'm going to make you cry. I think with my real emotions, cause quarantine has got me so in touch. The truth is,

is that I actually hate almost everyone and socializing with everyone, but I love being around you guys. Like I was actually excited about watching movies and like having fun and like going in our pajamas at 3am to the rest stop, like, you know, on the tour bus. And like, I was really looking forward to that because I feel like through this process of being, you know, friends and hosts and business partners, you guys actually know the real me like flaws and all. And so I don't have to put up that facade of like, I'm not evil. And so I can just be myself or you can just be evil. Yeah. Cause you've, you've been like, you'll call me out on it, but you'll also like, love me. And I, I was excited about hanging out with you. I do have friends and I love

hanging out with them. Um, you know, and I will socialize with them. The socializing that I don't like to do is when it's like parties person i've never fucking heard from before is like can i take you to lunch i'm like no oh yeah i hate i don't go to lunch i don't even know you nobody wants to hang out with people they don't know you know what i think i'm gonna adopt the persona when this all ends i'm gonna adopt the like weird paranoid like germaphobe and so then i can get out of every social activity that i don't want to attend and i'm just gonna be like you know what i'm still like a little scared of this whole covid thing it's going to be like a decade from now and we're all going to have vaccines and i'm going to be like i'm still i don't know you know there could

be another another flare-up i just don't know oh i really just wonder if the handshake has gone forever i don't need that i don't need to be touching your fucking slimy ass hands fist bump or the elbow um i still think that we should tour on a bus and i think we should do it next spring and make it huge and it'll be like a year of waiting and it'll be amazing i agree i want to do it i think we should we can't just let it we can't just let it go we can't be defeated it can't die i want a matching sweatsuit on a bus at a wawa in philadelphia morning with you guys like i wonder when we can do that okay well it was great to catch up with you guys thanks for the great um titles of the book i

think we ended up with a good title lady losers would have been nice a book by losers for losers still the number one okay can you imagine if we did like make the like if we did make the bestsellers list and it's like it's like becoming michelle obama educated by blah blah blah a book for losers by losers you know that's what would make us stand out in a sea of homo duration gene whatever that word is homogenousness homogeny have you ever thought about how weird it is that homogenous is a word and then there's also like a homogenous milk homogenized milk yeah homogenized and homogenous but they feel like they mean two different things i feel like i'm on an acid trip yep time to go i just would never drink a homogenized milk that just seems so thick

i don't even know what that means all right it seems curly for a long time but we were here for a good time thanks for listening and make sure to rate and review this podcast wherever you get your podcast we have new episodes of lady gang every tuesday and thursday follow us on social media at the lady gang uh follow us personally at kelty most importantly at becca and at jack bannock the lady gang network is produced by will sterling steve delamater kirsten woodward and elizabeth baquet thanks for rating and reviewing wherever you get your podcasts and tune in for new episodes every single week