LadyGang - LG QUICKIE: Motorboating Nikki Glaser

Episode Date: November 29, 2018

The Ladies hit their drunkest levels yet on their most recent episode of LGTV and Jac may have hooked up with her and Keltie's mutual ex! Check out new episodes of LadyGang's TV show on E! every Sunday at 10:30 ET/PT on E! Follow the podcast on Instagram @theladygang and you can email Jac, Becca and Keltie at Hello [e-mail]! And check out the show page @ladygangtv! And thank you to today's sponsors: Amazon = Go to amazon.com/shop/ladygang to find their favorite products while keeping the podcast FREE!  LadyBox = Check out the lastest LadyBox before they're all gone at www.theladygang.com/ladybox  Ring = Get a special offer on home security when you go to Ring.com/LADY Q Drinks = Go to www.qdrinks.com/try and enter code LADYGANG for your free sample ThirdLove = Get 15% off your first purchase at ThirdLove.com/LADYGANG See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey guys, the following podcast is a Lady Gang Network and Podcast One production, which means it's going to be awesome. It's time for a quickie. Podcast One presents the Lady Gang, the Hollywood girl posse with Lady Gang Quickie. Here's Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. Let's make this quick. Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to the Lady Gang Quickie. Becca, Jack, and Kelty here.

Oh, we don't get last names. no because if it's a quickie it's got to be quicker yeah we gotta gotta move through things fast jack kelp do it do it do it back jack kelp how are you guys looking uh i'm good i have so many things to unpack today you do about the show do you want to just jump right in you know we don't have to have like a intro to things we don't have to should i just jump in well you usually give us a quote oh well you gave us quotes on the show be yourself love yourself this is it's like this is your moment this is what you've been waiting for like for your entire life is to be an inspirational quoter on national television and you come up with love yourself that's insane

to me it's shocking i thought mine was because i thought mine was good too today though i thought of a better thing than two in the pink thing is fuzzy is your phone is it my phone yes okay sorry it's fuzzy i heard a fuzzy oh my god um well i also wrote that entire bowl of bananas Well, you should have picked out a better one. You should have picked a better one. It was a mistake. You made an error. Let's be honest.

Anyone that watched the show know that I was so drunk. By that point, I couldn't even make a mistake. You motorboated Nikki Glaser. By accident. By accident, you got up, went across the whole table, stuck your face in between her boobs. I know. I'm feeling bad about that. She was a good sport.

She was such a good sport. She was so funny. Do you think she was weirded out by it? No. No. I think it's an average Tuesday. I feel like she's done way weirder things two hours before. i love her i love her so much we can we go see her we're going yeah we're taking a bunch of

lady gangers with us she was also just on joe rogan's podcast which is amazing that's awesome and like she was like the king of podcasts i was intimidated by her hotness i'm not gonna lie i didn't know she's very statuesque she's built like a vs model yeah she's straight up victoria secret model like so beautiful so tall so like way to come to my house in like a sexy bodysuit yeah well i'm in my fat dress for thanksgiving well that's four for four of our guests hotter than all three of us so well that's not really a tough fact no that's not three of us um oh a quote sorry do you have a quote yeah i have one kelty you want to turn your phone off like by the sound so it doesn't keep is it binging is that my phone yep oh cool good story oh my god what is this is

when people start complaining saying our show is going downhill because kelty is people say that i think it was because of the sound quality i think it was the sound quality it was my fault okay are you oh you know what i'm skipping the quote this week because my phone is going crazy and i just don't want to i i'm gonna okay why don't you pull one out of your brain i'm gonna pull an inspirational quote from the internet why does it seem like jack and kelty hate each other have you seen it no have i seen it where everywhere there was only one day as a bystander that jack hated kelty when it was the day episode like on the podcast on the tv show tv show when after last night's airing really drunk really really drunk and you she was doing something

that was annoying you and that's when i was like jack you can tell you're an only oh because jack does not know how to deal with like annoying people and i get so annoyed so easily she gets so her tolerance for annoyance very small you clearly have never had to share the backseat of a station wagon for seven hours with a sibling who was constantly touching you like no you that's like the only thing about you that says only child yeah it's true and the fact that your parents come to everything with a cash order because my parents are like oh you're hosting i think that i'm an okay only child like i'm not no that's what i'm saying is that you actually have very few traits

of an only child other than yes your parents come to everything but that's a positive trait and then the only other thing is you don't know how to handle when you're being annoyed I was also probably PMSing and we were also drunk slash hungover at that time that was a hard day

I don't remember what I was annoyed by though what were you doing everything probably and they put it on TV I can't remember no but like in tone the energy's there I don't want to play devil's advocate for Kelty but I'm going to call it Kelty advocate people commented that you hate me in the podcast and the tv show and they don't think it's funny anymore um and then they were like do they secretly really hate each other posh spice scary spice

should we have a throwdown do we hate each other did they hate each other well posh spice no scary spice on good morning britain yesterday was like talking shit on victoria that she didn't want to join oh i saw it like yeah she did um i think that's so funny each other no i know i was like do you guys know that jack literally sleeps at my house and we have like a cuddle before the lady Are you getting tapes? It's just like sisters. No, it's literally, yeah. It's like we're all sisters and we all, our entire jobs revolve around us talking shit to each other and making fun of each other.

Some of us are just better at it than others. Some of them are more sly. Like maybe Becca does like a sly dig and you do a whole like, Kelty! Like you're always like, Kelty! Well, it's like probably when I, it was when somebody said to me like, I cannot believe you said Kelty's age. And I'm like, well, never mind it wasn't your age, but it was so funny. To me and me and Becca. And you.

You didn't even care. I didn't care at all. No. Oh, it's this that's making noise. Oh, there you go. Deceptive. That's going to be so annoying to everyone. I'm sorry, everyone.

Sorry, guys. We're doing my best. It is going downhill. You're right. You're right. You are 100% right. Just take the ride, though. Take the ride with us.

Listen, we're trying to half-ass like 500 things right now. That's the problem. I never half-ass anything. But. So. Okay. Except for every time you read an email. That's true.

Every time. Every time. Somebody did a meme today that was like, hey, dipshit, why don't you read through my first email thoroughly so that you don't send me any stupid questions to follow up that I already addressed in the first email. The thing is, she doesn't ask questions. Now, if you say this, are people going to think you hate me? Is this constructive criticism, Jack? She doesn't hate Kelsey. I don't hate you.

It's like her sister. I know. That is so funny to me. I know. I don't hate you either. Do they not realize that we rag on each other all of the time? Maybe you're ragging too hard, Jack. Uh-oh.

I'm not going to make you coffee next time we're filming Lady Gang TV. Bitch, I don't know how to use your coffee maker. I know. She just called me a bitch. She must hate me. See you guys. I wonder if it's this like long stem. Well, you don't want us to talk about our mutual ex, but I wonder if like people think it's like a long standing. Yeah. Like you're

jealous that I got the peen and you didn't. Yeah. I don't think you guys did have a shady moment in one of the episodes that never aired. I know it was from last week's episode. What happened? Where Jack admitted to hooking up with your mutual ex after you guys broke up what i was too drunk i don't even remember did that happen yes so okay so here's the history for those of you that didn't live my god this moment with these

people and you had a live which is everybody like myself so no i'm saying like the history of you guys the mutual ex-boyfriend who was in a band first jack dated him then kelty dated him but we uncovered for the first time after what three years of talking about this loser oh my god yeah We uncovered on the last week's episode that we never ended up airing that Jack actually went back. Okay. Wait, did you do him or just a make out? I've never had sex with him. Okay.

I still actually think I've never seen his penis. So whatever it was, it was either to me or it was like a make out. So, but here's the thing. I don't, you might have been together. I'm not sure, but I can figure it out from one clue. and that's because we watched the music video to Incubus Dig, that song because it had just have come out

so if we can figure out what year it came out we're going to look right now because we broke up on Valentine's Day how do you remember this? because the text the text that came up on his phone was happy Valentine's Day baby and it wasn't for me

how do you know it wasn't for you? it was not Jack okay hold on, Incubus Incubus Dig, see what year is so shady but i love it that's the only thing eight years ago by the way i can't believe we're still talking about this neither can i hold on this is why people still talk shit wait it doesn't have a date does it have a date it'll have a date just say um whatever year with at least you when it was uploaded on youtube it doesn't have it youtube exist eight years ago yes hold on it came

out song light license nine months ago people are still commenting on it by the way that is that is my favorite incubus song okay it has 24 million views okay oh published on december 16 2009 published on december 16 2009 let me write this down december 16 2009 no we were broken up you were yes are you sure yes because hold on let me look at when i danced for beyonce this is riveting okay never mind um no i think we were broken up jack no because we broke up in 2009 so i think we broke up then maybe it was like right after you broke up no because we broke up in february so it was like way after and i was already way after anyway anyway that's good because i'm so glad that we you discussed that on the show and i have no recollection of

How do you not? Zero percent. The Lady Gang. What happened to you? Were you the drunkest? Last week. Really? Last week?

With Nikki Glaser. With Nikki Glaser. I watched that episode with my whole family. What did they think of that episode? And it was like the raunchiest of things that you have said so far. It wasn't the most vulgar. I was the most vulgar episode three. Oh, that's when I watched when I was drunk, so I don't really remember what.

I was a disgusting human on episode three. Episode four, I was still gross. I mean, there's so much talk about me and Zach having sex, and Zach's sitting next to me, and then my dad's on the other side of Zach. Is it so awkward? Well, good thing for you. Your dad's, like, my parents, though, and the fact that he's just like, this is great. He doesn't care. I think that you and Zach have a future as, like, a comedy duo.

Okay, I love Zach. Zach reminds me, like, how he acts on, not acts on the show, but, like, your guys' demeanor is, like, J. Cullors. Like, he's so deadpan. Yeah. And very, man of few words, but they're really funny. Yeah. He's really. And so sarcastic and probably fly over a lot of people's heads.

Oh, yeah. When he was like, six months ago, you pooped your pants. That's not even like what we need. And it was so amazing. It's like I had to whittle it down. It's amazing. He's an idiot. What is your, what was the parents' reaction?

Like, did they like it? They laughed. I mean, they, and it wasn't like courtesy laughs. Really? It was like, they laughed. And I mean, I liked this episode. But, I mean, we are – for some reason, these are, like, some of the dirtiest things we're doing. Why is that?

But, like, I think next week we'll be talking about breakups. And I think it's, like, going to be a little less, like, raunchy. I mean, we'll say that now until we film it and get it cut and they take the raunchiest things we say. That's true. I think a little bit of that is happening. We filmed for, like, two and a half hours. No, but that's the thing. Everything that we said was not raunchy.

It just ends up – those are the things they end up cutting in. But then I love when we say crazy things and then girls will message us and be like, holy shit i think the same thing i've never said it or like you know and i i really do think like granted we're not curing cancer but really nobody in the entertainment industry is so let's like let's lower that bar anyway across the board across the board but like here's the thing that i'm just so proud of is that we are we are acting like the way men have acted for years yes you know and like we're talking the way that men talk and i'm not saying that it's good or bad it's just it's real well that's the thing that really pisses me off is like women get so shamed for

like talking about sex and liking sex yeah and i think that at the end of the day if there's anything the fact that we're opening that door where it's like we can talk about sex and our experiences and the fact that maybe we don't know how many people we've slept with and we're not getting shamed for it because that's how every woman is and we should be able to talk about it feels very empowering it does and i think that it's also that sort of thing where you if you can make fun of yourself or like own something yourself then you can't then you don't open up the door for anyone else to be able to say anything sort of a thing where you take the part it's like when you like talk shit on your nudes it's like yeah it's like you do it who if somebody

else can't talk shit to you about it i don't care i also think i'm a dumbass and i've already talked about it so it's true like i don't know yeah we're poking fun at ourselves my disappointment of this episode was that at the end we were doing um quotes they were no they were yeah the quote that you chose for your banana no that was disappointing for sure but um in retrospect i really like let it go but at the end jen was asking me about the shocker and i heard all of the things oh my god can i just like read some of the other ones two in the hoodie she was basically reading all the different things yeah i was upstairs doing something when you're doing that and i was like oh my god it was like no the funniest thing you're like wait what did you say

about um what was another thing you said oh the prison pocket you're like is that your butt she said that on the episode i know it's so funny i didn't know that did you always know that was your what it was called what did you think when you think of prison pocket like honestly your prison pocket could be your butt here we go the butt are you guys ready because people put their about it okay two in the curtain one for the hurtin two in the front one in the shunt two in the fun one in the bun uh two in the gash one in the stash two in the slit one in the shit oh my god two in the door one on the floor two in the meat one in her seat two in the flap one in the crap two in the gear one in the rear two in the pumper one for the dumper two in the tube one

with some lube two in the sock one for the shock two in the skunk one in the two in the cootie one in the booty two in the juice one of the caboose the best one to make some merch with all this on it we should all of them just in like a whole row oh my god two in the cover one in the but it would be funny on something that was like really long two in the punani one in the two in the snapper one in the crapper snapper i hate when people call a vagina a gash i know the best one i'm sorry the best one was two in the hoodie one in the blowfish that's my favorite wait did you say that on the show they didn't use it though so good oh my god

i'm literally like oh my god two in the hoodie one in the blowfish that's the best one that is so funny i love me in the blowfish and then darius roker is like such guys by the way yeah he's amazing can we use our powers to get us fleetwood mac tickets at the forum yes please does anybody does anyone have a hookup at the forum at the forum stevie nicks listening right now as if you are oh my god um i also really want to go see florida georgia line where i guess they're doing a residency so is lady antebellum oh let's go so many things all right anyways anyway um the last thing i'll say is that after that i was the last interview when we taped that show and i was crying so hard that was like the last thing i talked about then everyone was like

packing up and i started playing hootie and the blowfish like as our pack-up music and like no one laughed and it was like let her cry they were too tired they're like we're so over this like shut up i feel so bad for everyone that works on lady gang tv because here's the thing it must be so annoying for like the not the world because the world's not watching but like for them like i think of the girls who are producers they're so cute they're like they're young in their 20s and like they were all big fans they were all big fans of the podcast and now they're like oh they're like kill me if i hear one of their voices again i mean i'm just imagining how i would feel and then and then like they must be so annoyed when they go out for drinks with their friends

and if their friends are like oh my god i love them they're so funny they're probably like no they're not kelty's a total dick and gives me evil eyes when i don't put slippers on my shoes because her floors my favorite thing is one of our producers has her own podcast and it's like a political podcast i'm like you must think we are so dumb we are we are we're not claiming to be anything i would never have a political podcast for that reason no but we're dumb we're pretty dumb yeah um oh let's talk about our outfits because everyone was wondering jack ps why are you so bodacious in a short skirt you never wear a short skirt i haven't worn a mini skirt in maybe 15 years i don't like my legs but um i also did not realize i was a mini skirt until we walked

down the stairs i thought it was a midi skirt i thought it went down to my knees i don't know what brand it is though it's ronnie cobo oh it is and they have a nice emerald green one i want they're pretty yeah it's really pretty no i heard that dress in a backless but a gown to a black tie wedding that red one everybody needs yeah it was red it was like a dark burgundy oh i love that the velour situation's so good you also got some comments in your outfit kelty actually on my instagram they commented on my instagram how much they loved your outfit i was like well this is not what my instagram's for but okay isn't it though i think that is exactly what your instagram is for because no one's commenting on my instagram you know what i mean like someone

has to make no one's on it no one's on my instagram and i don't post anything about the show because you're a dick yeah you're not a good team player it's all we have i forget it's literally the one with the most power is like um did we make a show this week and kelty is like slaving away trying to like post all of the things on yours that nobody's looking at i know you should post about it right now okay okay sure um and everyone will know exactly what time we posted this uh my outfit was the outfit my outfit was from rent the runway the plaid dress the plaid dress i rented it for 30 it's only an 88 dress so it's by this company called joa have you ever Yeah, I just want to answer.

They're really cute shirts. Oh. I tried to look for it online so I could post about it, but I don't know if it's for sale anymore, but a skirt is available, and you can also rent it at Rent the Runway. I wore it like 17 times after my rental. I loved it. And my white ankle boots, which everyone also wanted to know, they're from Zara, and yes, they are the same ones Becca's already worn.

I'm just saying the first time it's been her to buy something before me. That's true. That is true. It's usually you. I have the same wedding band. I have the same necklace look. I have the same ear crawler. I have the same pants.

I basically want to be Becca. You have the same wedding band as Becca? Well, I mean, we both have like – no, not anymore. But no, we don't have the same wedding band or engagement at all. Never mind. I take that back. But I have – I got a tennis bracelet after I noticed how cute Becca's was. Mine was.

Oh, that is cute. I know. Look at hers. Very cute. I'm not wearing it. I hate Rent the Runway because they don't make anything for short people. That's true. I have to alter every item of clothing that I buy, every single one.

Wait, do you hate Rent the Runway or you hate everything? I hate Rent the Runway because I cannot utilize it because I get something and I – Oh, because you have to have it. Every single – What Rent the Runway – Clothes don't fit me either, though. They have the people that tailor, like, fix the – after you return something that has a hole in it, they have – so what they should do is take everything and make, like, a short version, a petite.

Yeah, they should. Be like, you could rent this. Okay. I just bought the cutest from the real, real Valentino jumpsuit, denim, head to toe. But I had to take the whole thing to basically be reworked at the alterations place because I am a little person. It's one of a kind because it's vintage. Vintage? And I just took it up so you can't even wear it.

Damn it! The legs are this short. It'll be like a crop top. It's a crop top on you. It's a good, it's a good knee-high short. aggressive camel toe also because I had to take in like the distance from my belly button to my crotch I like to do that too on mine though it's so annoying yeah that must be annoying long crotch Kathy doesn't longer crotch long crotch long crotch Kelsey that's like your part maybe I need

to do a rental clothing company that's only for short shorts shorties shorties I thought that exists it does too anyway we love you so much thank you for watching the show and I am the one person on twitter and i've really been having a fun time live tweeting the show with you guys have you said anything embarrassing yet i've said so what's the meanest thing that's been said about us on twitter are you reading yeah i read everything i mean some people are just like but to be honest i'm sorry you guys i ate something gross and i keep burping it's not even a la croix burp it's a fish burp yeah that is so gross what's the meanest thing people aren't really mean on twitter so they're kind of like i wanted to love lady gang tv but

i don't i'm like okay that's fine that's not me i'm like i wanted to love you but guess now i'm not following you i i've seen a few people be like oh could they be more annoying i'm like i mean yes we are a lot more annoying than we are on the tv show we are annoying we are the most annoying okay uh on that note we love you so much thank you for watching we have a new episode of lady gang tv this sunday on e at 10 30 and you can subscribe to listen to the podcast twice a week here and make sure to follow us at the lady gang at becca at kelty at jack vanek and we will see you next nope nope we're not here for a long time we're here for a good time are we though we're probably here for a bad time that escalated quickly thanks for joining us on lady gang

quickie check out new episodes of lady gang every tuesday and more quickies every thursday on podcastone.com the podcast one app and apple podcasts We'll be right back.