LadyGang - LG QUICKIE: Mr. Snack Martin

Episode Date: February 27, 2020

They say in one’s life, we all have three great loves. Do you know yours? Listen to the LG talk about like…maybe one or two of theirs…and then force Zack into a Quickie Cameo to talk about his! Shout out to today's sponsors! Charlotte Tilbury – Charlotte Tilbury is shoppable directly from charlottetilbury.com . Lola – For 30% off your first month’s subscription, visit mylola.com and use code LADYGANG when you subscribe. Shopify – See all the ways Shopify is supporting independents at Shopify.com/Independents.  Sunbasket – Go to sunbasket.com/ladygang and enter code LADYGA NG at checkout for $35 off your first order.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

it's time for a quickie podcast one presents the lady gang the hollywood girl posse with lady gang quickie here's kelty knight becca tobin and jack vanek let's make this quick hello hello hello this is becca and i think kelty is so great hello welcome to the show dude orly needs those glasses i have a picture come here you guys we can't still talk about the glasses um okay this is a really exciting episode of lady gang quickie okay and i'll tell you why this is an episode called the three great loves can i do the intro yeah hello hello hello and welcome to the lady gang quickie i'm you can't be playing with a box if we're not even doing a box episode i'm just kidding hello hello hello and welcome to the lady gang quickie i am becca

here with kelty and jack hi what's up great to see you thanks for joining so we're doing a really exciting episode today it's called the three great loves okay so we're you know they say of our life yeah so everyone gets to have three great loves i already know you know yours yeah wait what do you i don't understand so they say that in your life you have three great loves like you end up being life partners with one of them or five of them i don't know but like you have three great loves in your life and i want us to go through and talk about who our three great loves are but in life we're like you're halfway through your life we're like a third okay so far you're rude that's so rude unacceptable um no i mean so far the three great loves so far you're right my third

husband the billionaire he's not gonna be the love of your life he's gonna be 400 pounds he's he's going to wear teeny tiny glasses anyway okay jack you can go first no i don't want to go first don't make me go first it's your idea you're gonna know i'll get inspired by yours okay the great loves of my life okay one okay the first are you listening the first great love of my life was Jason Wilment. We met in first grade. He went to school with me my whole 12 years, grade one to grade 12. We were on and off boyfriend, girlfriend, you know how it goes in elementary school. And then in junior high, ran in completely separate groups. And then there was one summer, it had to be right before grade 12, where we decided we were going to

date and we like made out for a week straight. And I was like, oh my God, this is all coming to fruition. This is the love of my life. Been in love since fourth grade. We're those people, you know? And then I think, was I in high school? And I think I was like trying to get him to sleep with me and he wouldn't. Wait, had you slept with somebody yet? You're trying to lose your virginity to him. I'm not going to say, but yeah. Close situation for that. Kind of. Yeah. And then i was like this is my guy and then a week after like i knew that i was so every day for a week in the summer he wanted to hang out with me and every day i was like yes i'll give up my whole life to hang out with you and then after as we do it was over it was over in one week but the one

week feels like an eternity it was forever it was like we've never meant to be more and then i remember like okay so then fine so then we then we like had other boyfriends in grade 12 and girlfriends and then we all had grad pictures and we gave each other like our grad pictures and he gave me one that was like love you forever kelty or something on the back you know how people do that and then i went to dance on the cruise ship and i remember being like scared and alone and so i like hung up all my friends grad pictures on my bunk because i was like all scared and alone for the first time in my life and um i remember having his like picture near me for a long time it was that's kind of a weird thing but anyway jay willment jason did you ever talk to him after

the cruise ship no i mean he we're like facebook friends ish i think he's married i think he has two kids. And then I had a friend, like someone random wrote me on Facebook. I didn't really understand it. And they were like, Hey, I know Jay. And he told me he knows you and that you're famous. So clearly he's checking up on me. Anyway, it's my 20 year high school reunion this year. So I'm going to see him at my reunion. Can't wait. I'm already dropping the pounds. I'm ready. Growing my hair. I'm not possibly drop a single more pound. Are you going to get in more shape or do you care about what you look like more for your high school reunion than you did for your vow renewal on the Seychelles? Oh, for sure. High school reunion. Well, I would technically,

but honestly, like I worked so hard for the Seychelles that it's only four months away. Like I can't fall that far off. You can hit. Yeah. Like I'm, this is going to hold over. It's going to hold over. Okay. So that's my first great love. Do you have one, Jack? Are we going to talk about our first? Okay. My first great love was also like an elementary school love his name was cory bailey and he was he was like the first guy that i ever liked you know because it's like when you're younger you don't like boys he's like the first boy that i ever noticed he had like a magnetic personality that everybody gravitated towards yeah but like not the narcissistic type but the genuine like warm type that you just wanted to be around because

they made you feel better so he was the one and i always loved him when i was younger and like he always liked my friend kendall but then i wanted him to like me but then we're best friends but then it like never really happened but then i got a note from him when i was in fifth grade and it says jacqueline i don't know if i've talked about this on the podcast but he said jacqueline um kendall said that you wanted to kiss me do you want to kiss me check yes or no hot and it was a yes or no box and i had checked and i found this note and i had never returned it back to him and i had checked yes and underneath it i had written in fourth grade it said cory i would like to is this still true to you from jacqueline and then i have it and then i have talked about

this but he passed away when i was like 16 oh yeah but i found it and now it's like hanging up in my room so he was like my first love boy that like everybody loved him he was like the biggest light in any room and he was the greatest oh i love that cool who's your first great love I mean, is it your Rams? Is it Sean McVay? No, no, no. Oh, I mean like real great love. Probably like my high school boyfriend.

It's like the first time I was like envisioning like getting married and having kids, which was like high school because I was like 18. I mean, I wasn't like ready to do it then, but I was like, oh, I get it now. Like you're like, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. Oh, you're practicing your signature. I'm going to say his name because he ended up cheating on me with another girl from high school.

Dick. Dick. um but yeah i mean it's not very interesting it's not like cory no i mean i had like a boyfriend in like first grade second grade i bet you were so cute back then i wasn't oh i do love like the boyfriends that you have when you're in like third or fourth grade and i remember it was like the biggest deal for you to sit next to them at the table yeah or to there was your like in music class i was like oh my god scott and lauren are sitting next to each other ew there was a girl that got fingered in our music class what i'll never forget how old were you oh my god too young

i like barely just got fingered i don't think i got fingered until i was like 18 i know we were in like i remember this being shocking for me it was fifth grade oh my god oh my god fifth grade how old are you 12 10 you're 10 oh my god i remember that means they're doing it in second grade now they're doing it all everywhere scares the f**k out of me i mean no sex until you're 30 like you know what's gross is that when you're hooking up at that age everybody makes like a thing of it yes yeah and it's like everyone's proud of it yeah we used to like circle this girl shauna and her boyfriend roger gaskell and when they would like french kiss oh yeah No, they'd French kiss and we'd all stand in a circle and watch because none of us had

been kissed yet. Yeah. And they were like together. So weird. Being a kid is so fucking weird. Dude, yeah, like kissing for the first time and all that stuff is so gross. It's so gross. Yeah.

It's gross. Nobody knows what they're doing. Do you remember the first time you were fingered? Oh my God. This feels like it's like illegal. It's too much. I was 10. I was in a hot tub.

A hot tub? i actually don't i do i can't talk about it even if i don't actually know if i was it was like an attempt to finger and i don't know if it was an attempt it was an attempt also it's just a do you want to know what's so fucked up is like i think i was cheated on by every boy i dated up until like college oh yeah i mean i think that's pretty normal but like i dated this guy my first like real boyfriend and i remember i was like 15 he was like 17 and i had a friend like a girlfriend that i went to like she was like a year older than me she was like cool we went to like performing arts school together and she's like a ballerina and i was dating this guy

jared and we would all hang out great name till you hear this so we would all hang out and i was like very innocent still i was so young like 15 is so young so i wasn't really like doing anything sexually yet but he smoked weed and so did my friend chelsea and so like we would be hanging out at my house and they would leave in his car to go smoke weed and then i found out later they were sleeping together she was giving him blowjobs but like in my delusional mind i was like we're in love we're great he loves me so much oh i saw her years later and gave her the dirtiest looks but like can i still hate her i still kind of hate her yeah you can you know everybody's i never blew my friend's boyfriend i never blew

anybody no really me either still not yet trying to avoid as much as possible can we get zach down here what about blowjobs we're coming husbands are coming back on the show who's next you oh i don't really want to continue okay i know you don't like this topic it's like so weird okay what do you guys want to talk how long has it been should we get zach down yeah bring zach zach should we do our own ask a dude yeah he's probably smoking weed with chelsea but here's the thing is like if i were really like allowed that to me up i would think that every time a guy was like not with you he was cheating on you oh yeah i'm i'm watching football with the guy no but some people are like that no they totally are i understand the paranoia

yeah i mean hello hey zach hey can you come down here um we need you to screw something for us like screw something in for us that's such a lie what do you really need i need you to come down i'm sanding these cabinets we have we need five minutes of your time okay well what a good guy but i thought i could like tempt him with like a task but he's sending the cabinets we could have been done shut up kelty where are you even going after this i'm going to dinner with my friends friends plural yes my new york friends where are you going i'm going to the waldorf astoria weird i can't imagine you out like i would freak out on the town it would freak me out to see kelty out like if you like went out for lunch and you're like what are you doing no

not lunch like night time like it would freak me like a late night dinner yeah i don't really want to go but it's like they're never in town so i have to go see them i mean i want to see them but i wish i had to work tomorrow you know hi i'm barbara aka your nursing educator on instagram I'm a registered nurse and I create content to help nursing students feel ready to take on anything and everything that comes with the job and trust me it's a lot. Here's one of my favorite and simplest pro tips. Upgrade your scrubs to figs. Figs are designed for us. They are super soft, lightweight, and breathable with four-way stretch to keep up with your every move. Polished professional silhouettes? Check. Functional details and pockets in all the

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we're only doing one because we kind of petered out so who is your um like elementary school boyfriend and when did you start fingering girls oh my god elementary school don't talk about fingering girls yeah who is your like first love like mine was jay willman and we met in first grade i don't know that i really ever loved anyone tight good answer it's like what my she's hard to love is it weird that we both had like the same answer you're both like i haven't loved anyone but myself ever it's great when two narcissists get together you know yeah true it's been great bond you never loved you never had like a elementary school girlfriend i mean i yeah but i don't know that i loved them no i mean i remember sneaking up to a girl and

kissing her leg when she was in the monkey her leg what part of her leg like a calf or an inner thigh like she was dangling from the monkey bars and i ran up and just snuck a smooch real quick but what part of the leg like the calf or something maybe the shin what happened after this mood what was the next move ran off wait did you like this girl what was her name alexis durden oh you're durden you went dirty on the dirty where's alexis if you're out there and you missed out you missed out because zach's great how old were you i wasn't like elementary or i don't know were your friends first grade 17 your friends watching you i don't know i just remember it's like a weird memory like did you talk to she was on so did you ever talk to her

before or did you just monkey bar her those like little you know rc car things that we used to ride around in oh um so after you kissed her leg it wasn't like a random girl i just ran off oh it was like it was but you kissed her and then you giggled and ran off and then did you ever speak the next time you kissed someone's you've never kissed do you have a thing do you have like a calf fetish no it was it just seemed who'd you go to prom who is your high school love because she was trapped so i went to prom when i was in you the older girls left yes yeah misty fair was her name misty fair sounds like a porn star she's now like a sheriff oh no yeah sheriff misty fair coming down i think misty fair is a badass she sounds amazing fucking murder you yeah

she'll blame it on someone else does she have big jugs yeah she sounds like she had huge dicks she does misty fair and her giant

fucking boobs and you went to prom with her yeah in 8th grade I have a question actually Zach you went to prom

in 8th grade the spikings were slimmed I feel like that should be illegal Zach I'm so glad you're here because I want to follow up on something

that happened in earlier quickie and see so Becca said that men don't like nipple tassels unless you have giant boobs because i did nipple tassels at christmas for chris and she said you don't have boobs so it's probably not exciting would you be excited if becca put nipple tassels on i would be freaked out if you did it like in a bad way why i would

not be able to take that seriously okay i have a question for you kelsey yeah were you serious when you walked out with nipple tassels like you had a seductive look on your face how is anyone curious with booby tassels that's the thing i was like i would laugh i think it's funny no i said it's very festive and then i walked out and i was like and he was like yeah and he was seriously i mean we're we've not we've been fucking each other for 10 years like there's not we're just happy that someone changed it up how do they stay on okay they stick oh okay do you have to make them like twirl i can't she can probably go like i just like shimmied and stuff what you're not into lingerie that's false i knew it i knew it you made that up you made that up you made that up

zach's not into lingerie back is like you know zach's really into sweatpants you know what zach loves dirty sweatpants extra 10 pounds he loves when i eat in bed zach loves dorito fingers wait you like lingerie of course really have you ever worn lingerie using you with someone else have you ever done lingerie for him on our wedding night twice what was the second time when we were traveling abroad and you walked out just laughing the whole time and i was like i was probably bombed you there's no way you can put on lingerie sober you have got to lingerie it up they're used i'll get you a set though you can give him a crotchless panty she's definitely a crotchless panty is a crowd pleaser you know you know what i bet kelty would

do she would gift you her used crotchless no i throw them out after it's a once wear wait when i think of a crotchless panty i think of that like when you put your no no yeah that's what your vagina looks like it's like a normal panty you can't tell but then you can spread them and they can have sex with you while you're in the panty and they love it you can also just pull your underwear to the side that's not as cute it's that's the same i'm not gonna tell you how to please your men but who's been married the longest okay okay so you like lingerie yes yeah like what kind like costumes or more like yeah do you like a sexy nurse or like a black body i can fit into my wedding okay we gotta go anyway on this note thanks for the great episode thank you

That I planned out and we completely changed. He misses Alexis. Misty. Misty. Love you forever. Mr. Cavs. Alexis, I hope your Cavs are doing well. We weren't here for a good time, but we're here for a sexy time.

Bye. Bye. Thanks for listening, and make sure to rate and review this podcast wherever you get your podcasts. We have new episodes of Lady Gang every Tuesday and Thursday. Follow us on social media at TheLadyGang. Follow us personally at Kelty, most importantly, at Becca, and at Jack Bannock. The Lady Gang Network is produced by Will Sterling, Steve Delamater, Kirsten Woodward, and Elizabeth Baquette.

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