LadyGang - LG QUICKIE: Not Pleading The Fifth On Anal

Episode Date: June 28, 2018

Jac scoffs at the Meryll Streep quote this week while Becca shows off her presidential memorization skills. Then they figure out their their favorite sad songs, favorite movie endings (even if they're depressing, Keltie), the items on their bucket lists, foods they aren't ashamed to eat, and what they're good at doing! Follow the podcast on Instagram @theladygang and you can email Jac, Becca and Keltie at Hello [e-mail]!  And thank you to today's sponsors: Amazon = Go to amazon.com/shop/ladygang to find their favorite products while keeping the podcast FREE!   Be The Match = Vist join.bethematch.com.org/ladygang to join the registry today  digster.fm = Go to digster.fm/ladygang to follow, share, and listen to our “Lady Gang” playlist  Woo For Play = For 10% your first order and free shipping visit WooForPlay.com and use promo code LADYGANG See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey guys, the following podcast is a Lady Gang Network and Podcast One production, which means it's going to be awesome. It's time for a quickie. Podcast One presents The Lady Gang, the Hollywood girl posse, with Lady Gang Quickie. Here's Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. Let's make this quick. Hola. Hola, hola, hola.

Did you think you turned on the wrong podcast? Oui, oui, oui. I was trying to trick you. It's Becca and Kelty and Jack. If you're listening to a quickie, you obviously know us, right? Yeah, do we even need to introduce ourselves anymore? Yeah. Everybody kind of does, right?

I think we, yeah, we should. We should. Hello, I'm one-time Emmy winner Kelty Knight. I am one-time Teen Choice nominee Becca Tobin. You were MySpace, didn't you have a MySpace? I'm a one-time MySpace queen, Jack Vanek. One-time for many years. You're a top 12 friends of Tom from MySpace.

I was on Katy Perry's top eight. That's a fun fact. Oh, yeah. We've already talked about that. I think in episode 14, we talked about that at one point. Are you guys ready for your quote? Yeah. Yeah.

This quote is coming from someone you may have heard of. I don't even know what this is. Her name is Meryl Streep. I think you... Oh, my God. Shut up. Before I even said it, she wants to call me out for using this one before. It's brand new.

I promise. You've already done a Meryl Streep quote, though, I think. Meryl Streep's spoken more than once in a while. I don't think she has. I don't know if this is hand oil, by the way. It's hand, face, and hair. Oh, okay. Body.

All of it. It's a brand that's going to be in the new lady box. No, I know. I just don't know what it's for. Just keep rubbing it all over your skin. Rub it all up the rim to win. Nope. Are you ready?

Okay. It's amazing what you can get when you quietly, clearly, authoritatively demand it. Hmm. Meryl. i don't know meryl feels a little like how do you do that you know what i mean the squeaky oil squeaky wheel gets the and what is it squeaky wheel gets the oil that's the same if you're like loud then you're gonna get what you want i am a firm believer in the squeaky whatever the it is gets the grease how do you be quietly authoritative you just go in and you say

do this shit today you will sit down and record a quickie that's jack that's actually zach's mo to be quietly authoritative yes he yeah okay now i know what it means not me not me either i either not you either kelty i think i'm quietly authoritative i don't yell you're not this i'm gonna give you i'm gonna have to tell you you're not this okay well it's supposed to be an inspiration for our future it's nice and inspirational to be that way yeah but we won't all right i think it's more you both let's go in the box bye okay what's in the box go first kelsey no we have to take a break oh be right back don't shake it too hard what's in the lady gang box what's in the box and we're back what's in

the box okay here we go what's in the box oh my god we had so many girls in the facebook group they were so mad it was like a revolt and finally it literally was and i was like oh my god we have to lower the cat noise so i guess the squeaky wheel does get the cat it does it's true get the oil get the oil because all these girls were complaining about the cat noise and we changed it and if they had just come to me quietly and authoritatively i would have been like yeah if they just whispered it to you wheel gets the grease it's a proverb to convey the idea that the most hold please my service sucks the most noticeable or loudest problems are the ones most likely to get attention

yikes so meryl take your obnoxious authoritative fake well here's the thing when you're meryl street you can be quietly authoritative because she's the boss it's true we gotta yell because Because nobody's going to listen to us. Okay, let's go in the box. Dive right in. Song that always makes you cry. Rewind by Rascal Flatts. And To Build a Home by the Cinematic Orchestra.

Oh my god, that's mine. It is just the biggest heart-wrencher. Heart-wrenched. Heart on the floor, stamp, stamp, stamp. Yep. Can't do it. Don't make me cry. I cry to literally everything.

I do not cry. Ponda Replay by Rihanna. That is so random. It's so good. Nothing, Becca? Cool. She's passing. Don't drop that dump to them.

Song song? She's got that apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur. You know somebody has cried to that song before. Probably. A drunk girl at a bar. It's more. It's puked in her hair. Yeah.

It's less about a song and more about the memory of something happening. Yeah. Like, crash into me. Dave Matthews band. That's a sad song. That's like an emotional nostalgia. Yeah. Okay.

Okay, my turn, my turn. What's in the box? Movie with the greatest ending. Titanic. That's the worst ending ever. Are you kidding me? I think that is the worst ending in cinematic history. There's nothing more depressing than that movie.

He could have fit on the goddamn door. We've talked about this. It really pisses me off. She's a selfish bitch. Okay. With the best ending. What's a good... I'm trying to think of one with a good twist.

Girls Just Want to Have Fun, the 80s movie Sarah Jessica Parker where she answers the dance competition on dance TV to become the new couple on dance TV I won't spoil the ending but there's some lifts involved ooh and a pink spandex cropped pant ooh oh a cropped pant

that doesn't do anything and a crop top the movie with the best ending I will have to say Making a Murderer no Grease I feel like everything comes together at the end in Grease and Sandy it doesn't list films I know but it's a good ending and Sandy's wearing a great outfit so

She's literally what you're wearing right now What she wears every day I didn't answer it but it's fine I'm going to say something recent I think that a lot of movies have a lot There's a lot of good endings out there I will say The movie that I just saw with

Charlize Theron Tully I was not expecting the ending I think they did a nice job I love a good twist You guys should see it Okay. Next question is, song I'd want played at my funeral.

Ponda replay. Shit. Oh, Bohemian Rhapsody. Apple bottom jeans. I would want Little Victories by Matt Nathanson because it's my favorite song of all time. I don't really think I'm going to have a funeral. Or Africa by Toto. About what?

Africa by Toto. be so good i just want to sing along me and beck will come i kind of just want to turn my funeral into a karaoke extravaganza i don't i don't want anyone having fun like really honestly i'll be pretty pissed i want everyone chain smoking in the parking lot just falling their eyes out i can't go on my heart will go on won't go on so just do that but then like have is there a song what if it's you singing um that's candle in the wind no the song from blee where you were in the cat suit Holding out for a hero. Oh, my God.

I need a hero. It's just Becca's songs off the Glee soundtrack. It's just me from the Glee soundtrack. I'm Wide Awake by Katy Perry. It was one of my best. It was a very good acoustic version. Yeah, I think myself, anything, all of it. Anything by Becca Tobin.

You know that somebody that was a musician definitely died and requested that they play their own songs. I'm sure most of them. Elton John would do that. But that's kind of sick. I bet Whitney Houston had her own song probably I want a Whitney Houston song at my funeral

I love that bitch she's great I looked at our wedding DJ and I go Pip, you don't f***ing play I want to dance with somebody I'm out of here you played it twice his name was Pip?

yeah, Pip Rock Pip was good what's his first actual name? Pip. I didn't ask him. Oh. Pippi. That was my nickname when I was a kid.

I got a bone to pick with Pip. Why? Just kidding. That's me and Zach's biggest thing. Where I'm like, he was fine. Did he think he was the best DJ ever? He loved him. Anyway.

You had a lot of 80s, 90s music, which was fun. Yeah, I liked it. Next question. From the box. What's in the box? What's in the box? Yeast. On my bucket list.

What's on your bucket list? Ooh, anal. Have you never done that? No. Have you? I'm not saying. From your surprise, I'm going to say that you have. I'm not saying.

I was trying to get less anal. It didn't work. You've never done anal? Your mom's listening. That's why you're saying no. No, I swear to God I haven't. Okay. Swear to God.

Have you stuck your fingers in someone's butt? played the fifth i mean no i think i've like danced around you know listen like if girls like it i don't buttholes do not well but it's funny because i feel like it's a thing like guys don't think it's weird when girls like it but then it's like a taboo thing if a guy likes it but we all have buttholes they all have the same amount of nerve endings on them they have more men in their prostate is right up in there okay anyways we are what's really in the box what's on your bucket list no i'm sorry yeah what's on your bucket list was the question my actual bucket i want to be on the cover of fit pregnancy oh that's cute oh that is nice just kidding oh but i would like to it's

just not a bucket list okay um i want to go swimming with those pigs in the bahamas oh that's yeah i'm not pregnant should i say that what if this is your announcement after and i don't anal yeah i having an anal baby like i didn't have anal because i have a baby baby i don't have a baby ring um i don't want to swim with those pigs not at all i do i do not at all i don't want to swim with any sea life or any animals honestly i don't even want to swim like being so boring no being an adult being an adult has made public pools for me hell that's not in a pool that's in the ocean it doesn't matter it's all the same my bucket list is to have a jet yeah great okay what's on your bucket list culty i don't know i want to go about to go

gorilla trekking. Yeah, I'm going to go gorilla trekking. Fine. That was never on my bucket list. That was just like it came up and now I'm doing it. I think my bucket list is to have my hair so long that I can do one of those cool braids that sits over your shoulder. It's messy braid and it goes down to your belly button. I don't know if anybody

our age can grow their hair that long. I can. You can? Really? Even with dying it? Watch me. Now that it's on Kelsey's bucket list I'm doing it. Cool. I'm going to get the jet then. I'm going to be picturing Becca I get the braid, but you get the jean. So she can beat Kelsey to the wall.

I actually wouldn't do that to her. I don't want to. I know her hair journey. And it just, I wouldn't do that to her. So emotional. That's like getting skinnier than your best friend at their wedding. Yeah. You can't.

Okay. Food I'm not ashamed to admit I love. Is anybody ashamed to admit any of the food they love? Cheetos. McDonald's beef fries I'm just kidding Ice cream Chewy chips ahoy

Oh I could eat an entire little bit of Cupcake frosting with a spoon Or an entire jar of Nutella If I wanted Really? I love Nutella I want to see you do that I've done it I'll take a photo next time

I feel like I'd throw up Do you feel like you're going to throw up? How about if you do it in, like, in an afternoon? Have you guys ever done that? Like, don't sit in it all in five minutes. Oh, I thought you were saying, like, in one sitting. No, it is one sitting, but it's like a four-hour sitting. Like watching a movie.

And you just spoon it out? That's intense. You just spoon it like it's a bowl of ice cream? I feel like that would make me want to throw up. Okay, cool. Well, you don't have to do it. I'm not going to. It's not your food.

I'm not really ashamed of it. I know. I'm not ashamed of food. Cool. Great question. You're next, Jack. That wasn't a good question. Well, it's not me.

our fans put these questions in sorry fan um wait where is this oh how my perfect day would begin anal warm bed sleeping in a massage with lavender oil a facial puppy snuggles into a jacuzzi bath into the sun into like a delicious meal and a loose leaf tea or whatever just casual you're literally like creating a movie in your head that's what my morning would be what would yours be mine would probably be me waking up in my glass house on the beach that i own pouring myself a mimosa sitting outside mimosa in one hand coffee in another with my super hot super rich super tall husband in hawaii i mean you're making fun of me yours was way yeah

and i think we're talking about like reality like oh no perfect my perfect morning my perfect morning in the future jack like that i could possibly do right now i was like waking up with a cup of coffee and sitting in my bed i pretty much do my perfect morning every day because i don't have much to do so i wake up i make coffee from my beautiful nespresso machine sometimes i'll sit in bed for a little while sometimes i'll sit outside on my new patio furniture drink my coffee wow this is really yeah riveting let's let's how would you perfect question okay one thing i'm exceptionally good at just one yes try to narrow it down bex exceptionally good i I can name all the presidents in order.

Oh, that's a good one. Do it. Washington, Adams, Jefferson, Madison, Monroe, Adams, Jackson, Van Buren, Harrison, Tyler, Palmer, Pierce, Buchanan, Lincoln, Johnson, Grant, Hayes, Garfield, Arthur, Cleveland, Harrison, Cleveland, McKinley, Roosevelt, Taft, Wilson, Harding, Coolidge, Hoover, Roosevelt, Truman, Eisenhower, Kennedy, Johnson, Nixon, Ford, Carter, Reagan, Bush, Clinton, Bush, Obama, Trump. Damn.

How did you... What did you have to... Why did you have to learn that? Why the hell didn't they teach me to do that? It hasn't come in handy ever. Have you learned it in school? I learned it in fourth grade. Well, at least you'll know, like, if they have one of those who wants to be a millionaire

questions, that's like, which one of these was not a president? You'll know. True, but it'll take me that long. Do you have, like, a time limit? What was the 16th president? You could just be like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Here she goes. Oh, shit.

Okay. Jackie? I think he was 19th. Oh, God. Jackie was it. What are you exceptionally good at? Elena's going to Google it in the meantime. Like a random.

You're right. It was Lincoln. Thank you. Oh, who's 19th? I say this like I actually know anything about presidents Jack what are you exceptionally good at Like a random Hayes

Nevermind Bowling Are you serious Yeah I was a bowler in junior high I was in a league I had my own ball I had my own uniform What Pretty good bowler

What was your bowling team called I don't remember Bowling colors Turquoise and white And what did your ball look like It was turquoise and it said Jacqueline on it? No. Yeah, bitch.

Where is it now? In my parents' house. I feel like your parents' house has so much stuff in it of yours. It's literally just pictures of me. No, but like and stuff. I want to say something. Okay. Jack's parents, it's a good thing she's a late in life entertainment person because

they would be the ultimate stage parents. Oh my God. You are so right. Every event we have, if we go to like the opening of a freaking Baskin Robbins, jack is like can my parents be on the list oh they have to come they have amazing if you were like mom i'm gonna have anal for the first time they would be like can we get our kids okay great we're gonna video it well just make sure that we're there to support you they would be crazy show parents oh for sure no and i well when i was a kid i took acting classes like i thought i was

gonna be an actress and my mom was driving me up to la every week for acting classes like i'm really glad that never happened for me it's gonna happen well when i was like young and impressionable as a child yeah yeah no now it's actually now i don't give a shit it's fun with her parents now because it's like because she's like my my well they're friends yeah your mom is always commenting in the facebook group to girls like when girls are like i'm having a hard time she's like i'm so sorry and we love you so much and i was like you're so nice may she's so cute thank god my mom is not in that facebook group she's probably trying to get in i'm sure my mom is like stealthily in there you think so probably i mean lurking around always lurky lurky lurky my mom just doesn't

pretend she's just like no just right up and everybody my brother-in-law gave her an instagram account and i called him i was like what did you just do do you understand what you just did it's a lot what are you good at um i think i'm really good at organizing things i'm gonna say orgasming i wish um i don't know i mean i'm good at wrapping presents at christmas exceptionally well yeah like i feel like i oh my under my tree always looks really nice okay um i'm an excellent vacuumer okay that's enough okay how do you even know if you're excellent at vacuuming i feel like anybody that just back like some people love to vacuum and i'm one of those people like i vacuum the walls the crease of the walls does that make you an

exceptional vacuumer or you just enjoy the vacuum process? I enjoy the vacuum process. Do we have time for another one? Yeah, we have time for one more. One thing I'm especially bad at, epically bad at, reading for you. Reading every week.

Will Jack be able to get through the questions? But number one, it said exceptionally good, so I just was assuming it would be exceptionally bad. So what are we bad at? Epically bad at? Taking um handwriting what i'm taking criticism that's cut and true mine would be seeing reading um yeah my handwriting's disgusting oh my handwriting is mine's worse than that

it is i have great handwriting oh my god writing is beautiful mine's so gross and like i remember in fourth grade my best friend katie's mom was my fourth grade teacher and the only non-perfect straight a i didn't get was in like writing takes her time i think was the category you know they give you like the same yeah i don't take my time and like works neatly you i got shit to do i need this list done i need to cross it out i need to throw this stuff in a bag and take it home are you like this as a child yes i'm the same i would love to see you at age like 13 i know i'm so mad at my parents because we never had a camcorder i barely had a camera like there's just like not that many but no you guys i can remember going to my dance recital and i had like six numbers i was

in and the night before i took a giant ziploc bag and i put every earring and tight and like costume piece in the bag in the order in which i was going to perform them and like other people just like had their tights in their bag and their dance shoes in their bag mine was all like color coordinated or like i just am anal i'm an anal retentive super listy bitch okay i know fearless on that note okay on that note i'm just lazy is that a flaw same you're not lazy though yes i am you're lazy compared you know my nickname on tour was the was becca bare minimum no yeah i believe in doing the least amount of work for the biggest payoff yeah well that's also no work smarter not harder it's working smarter i get way more done i'm also

just lazy i get way more done now doing a quarter of the work than i used to when i was fucking busting my ass every second of every day gotta work smarter smarter not harder cool thanks for all your help with lady gang guys i'm just kidding i'm totally kidding okay well was it good for you or i'm not nope no welcome to our 85th we're not here we're not here for a long time but we're here for a good time. It's obviously not good enough to remember. I think it's good.

Okay, let's do it together then. We're not here for a long time. No, we're going to only... I say we're not here for a long time. We're here for a good time. Bye. That escalated quickly.

Thanks for joining us on Lady Gang Quickie. Check out new episodes of Lady Gang every Tuesday and more Quickies every Thursday on PodcastOne.com, the Podcast One app, and Apple Podcasts.

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