LadyGang - LG QUICKIE: Quarantine Confessions

Episode Date: May 21, 2020

It’s not just us doing some kooky things in quarantine…what weird sh*t are YOU doing? Hear some of our favorite anonymous listener quarantine confessions! Thank you to today's sponsors! LaCroix – Find your favorite flavor and learn more at lacroixwater.com.   Caldrea - Get free shipping on orders of $50 or more when you shop online at caldrea.com.   White Castle – Pick up White Castle sliders in freezer aisles nationwide.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

it's time for a quickie podcast one presents the lady gang the hollywood girl posse with lady gang quickie here's kelty knight becca tobin and jack vanek let's make this quick hello hello hello welcome to the lady gang quickie i am becca here with jack and kelty hello hello hello it's 9 30 a.m yep is this the this might be the earliest we've ever recorded other than when we recorded with Mr. Wonderful at the crack of fucking dawn. Didn't we record really early with Leanne, too? Leanne Ford? Oh, yeah, we did.

Like 9 a.m.? Yeah. And honestly, it's some of our best work. So, I mean, my mouth didn't work just then. It's warmed up yet. I'm just the first talking I've done today. Kelsey, I see you're really enjoying my Dunkin' Donuts cup. Babe, you don't even know about this.

So, this cup, let me just describe it to the fans. tell them where we got it. Okay. We were in New York and, um, I made the girls go to Dunkin Donuts. Hi Callie. Um, to get coffee in the morning before we had some meetings and I am on the no plastic year. And so I was like shaming them for using the plastic cups at Dunkin Donuts. And Becca was like, you know what? I'll take one of these cups. And the guy clearly looked like, wow, we've never sold one of these before. Like he was so excited that I think he gave you a free He gave me a free donut. I'm pretty sure that they like, yeah, they probably get a raise if they sell one commission. So it's massive. I think it's like, it's 24 ounces. Um, you can't

put it in the microwave, but it's massive. And it's got such a nice cap because the cap can be for hot drinks, but you can also have comes with a straw for cold. And I think because it's so giant, it's my biggest cup. I know I'm like talking incessantly about a cup, but like last night we did the dishes and the dishwasher and Chris put them away and I didn't realize that. And this morning I came down and put coffee and I opened the cabinet and I literally gasped because I was so excited that my Dunkin' Donuts cup was clean. It like sets me up for the right day when I like have my right cup. I think the funniest thing about this whole situation with this cup too that happened is this is when we were in New York in the beginning of March

and Kelsey was so excited about her reusable cup. And then the next day is when everybody was like, no more reusable cups. You got to go back to plastic. Oh yeah. Because of the whole like germ thing. Yeah. Well, not that you can go to a Starbucks right now, but even if you used to be able to bring your own cup in and now I'm sure that'll be gone forever, but it's fine because Chris Knight knows how to make coffee guys. I've never been more turned on in my life. No, he doesn't. He was not a coffee drinker. And even I know how to make coffee and I don't know how to do anything. True. I know, but I'm such a new coffee drinker. It's only been a year and a half. And I used to come down in the mornings and I'd put the machine on and I'd get my coffee

ready. And for the past two days at 9am, I've walked down, pot's already made. What? What a gem. I've never been more turned on in my life. Wow. Speaking of turned on, how turned off are you after 50 days of quarantine with your significant other? It's not good. I have zero desire. Honestly, Brad Pitt could walk through the doors and I would still be like, nah. No men? None? None. I think quarantine has also killed my sex drive. Well, it's very hard to just be around that energy all the time. Distance makes the heart grow fonder for sure. Yes. even if it's like a couple hours a day i feel the exact opposite you're having a lot of sex i mean the same but like i just love chris so much right now i mean i look forward to every night like we

snuggle and watch tv and like have our little laughs like what are we gonna have for dinner i guess we just never saw each other before i was gonna say this is probably you just started dating yeah it's a novelty kind of yeah this is like our every night but like it used to be sprinkled in with like me going to dinners without him and coming home after three glasses of wine and being like yeah let's do it god that sounds amazing i think i just started realizing because jared and i usually are apart and like we see each other in spurts it's been the first time that we've seen each other all the time but i've realized how much my period cycle reflects my horniness and how much like the week before my period i want to have so much sex and then the

week after my period i'm like don't even touch me with the 10-foot pole yep yeah it's weird it is so crazy chris is even in on it he's like you're gonna get your period next week because like when i want to have sex with him he's like right before your period is like it's so great what is that is it like hormones like last chance to get pregnant before they expel the probably oh it's like a survival thing yeah the body's like you must pregnant now pregnant yeah that's exactly what it says you must pregnant now go pregnant okay or when we come back we have something very special and you hi i'm barbara aka your nursing educator on instagram i'm a registered nurse and i make content that's all about helping nursing students thrive one of the first and easiest things i tell

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confessions from the girls anonymously of things that they are going through during quarantine and they are unreal. Like if you think that your quarantine is shady, just listen to some of these girls. I'm going to go backwards because I think the last one is the best. These all are real. My husband thinks I'm getting in shape for summer, but it's really to get ready to leave him. oh my god savage i love her i really do want to know what uh the divorce rate is going to be like after all this is lifted because it's got to be freaking crazy it's like you either go one way or the other nobody is staying in the same lane that they began quarantine in you either end up hating your partner or you somehow fall in love with them i don't know how it's true that's a good

one. Okay. Here's a happy one. I basically moved in with my boyfriend during this quarantine and had sex for the first time ever during this time. I won't ever forget this time in my life. Holy cow. The great quarantine of 2020. Here's what I want to know though. So, you know, in the beginning of a relationship, all you want to do is have sex and jump each other's bone bone bone yes constant but I feel bad for new couples right now because they're gonna hit like they could be like three months into this new relationship but it's really like two years worth of time you're fast forwarding that honeymoon phase like real fast yeah like it's gonna be like starfish sex within the six month mark for these new couples and that's so

sad because you're only supposed to get there after like a year and a half oh I didn't think about that. Mm-hmm. Damn. It's like, it's the way I feel about peanut butter and jelly sandwiches now. Yeah. You love them. Before, before, no, no. Before quarantine, I was like, how often did I have bread in my house and peanut butter and jelly? Like not often. It was a treat before. It was a treat, but in quarantine, we've allowed ourselves to have whatever the we want. Well, peanut butter and jelly has been at my fingertips this entire time for 50 plus days. And now the thought of it is really not that exciting for me anymore which is such a bummer because was it ever that exciting for you yes do yeah because you're never gonna make yourself a pb and j in normal

like four yeah do you like what adult makes themselves a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on a regular basis as like a meal you're right you're right you're right that's why i think it's so weird that you were like wishing for it and you just seem so sophisticated sophisticated like I feel like your quarantine would be like, oh my God, I'm having mac and cheese with truffles like Oprah. Not like I'm PB&J. No, PB&J. Damn. Okay. I mean, there's other things I also love so much, but yeah, I'm sorry for you guys if the spark is out too soon. It was actually a really happy confession that she made and now we really turned it down. We turned it. Okay. My husband and I got into a fight over toilet paper embarrassed to admit that you're not alone i believe it i've

had way dumber fights that's the thing people are going to start fighting about the dumbest shit because it's like all this other really pent-up aggression and emotion that's like festering in your body and then you'll end up screaming at each other over like waffles or or something yeah like i'm chomping at the bit right now to like freaking yell at zach oh yeah for anything so like yeah if he said something to me about toilet paper that did, I did not like or agree with, we would also be in a fight right now. I'm just waiting for him to fuck up or say something. I think it's also, people are so much so used to having things happening in their lives, whether that be like around them or like at work or some kind of stuff

going on. So even if it's like, you know, fighting is a negative thing. It's like, at least you have something, you know, you feeling something. Like I'm so passionate right now about summer house on bravo it ended i've seen last week um and i can't stop thinking about it and i i know that it's because i have nothing else nothing else i mean that's how i feel if listen to your heart it's like i'm literally on the reddit like subreddit threads reading every single thing and i'm like why it sucks i would expect this behavior from jack but becca this is so exciting for you that you're in a fandom i'm messaging hannah like on the regular while i was watching the premiere person on it. She's one of the girls on it. Does she write you back? Yeah. We follow

each other and I just, all I can do right now is talk to her about it. And she's probably like this loser, like get a life. Becca, whatever happened with Carl? Oh, Carl. I, I never followed up with that. He backstory is, um, Carl from summer house and I have a mutual friend and my mutual friends saw in the beginning of summer house, how much I loved it. And so he had Carl make a video for me, like cameo style. Yeah. Um, where he said more life a lot. Cause that's like his thing. He's like more life, more life. Um, but I didn't, I mean, I didn't, I just was like, oh my God, Carl, but really we made him a video back together. Remember? Oh no. We sent the video to my friend though. We were like, oh my God, Carl, he wasn't still with him. I mean, he might

have seen it. Damn it. I have a question. What is the premise of summer house, please? So in, in new york city it's very um can you do it in like a in like a like movie trailer voice please yes every summer the movers and shakers of new york city's elite flock to the hamptons montauk amaganza east hampton south hampton uh i think no there's a lot more they all flock there they get drunk they do tons of cocaine they have sex they fornicate and they get in fights they go to dinner every night they start it off with a espresso martini who does that and then they drink so much frose you wonder how they don't gain 30 pounds throughout the summer they have theme parties they all fuck each other and there's drama on drama on drama

wow that was incredible honestly i'll watch it now like i was like i like summer house summer house is the only bravo show that i watch it's really good because it's also not like 12 year olds they're pretty close to our age yeah aren't they like late 20s late 20s to early 30 early to mid 30s but like it's so fun because one of the guys this douchebag kyle he's engaged he's clearly not ready but he's very close to 40 he celebrated like he's a blonde guy right yes yeah and like last night when i watched the finale he literally screamed out at the end of a party best summer ever and i'm like what grown person ever says that like it's so embarrassing this is the thing i do like about summer house though is most of them at least all have really good jobs right

yeah they're successful like they like work in manhattan yeah i mean to be able to like well most people on these shows don't have jobs it's true like like page is like a pretty successful, like fast fashion blogger. Um, one girl is in PR and I think she's pretty successful. Like, and Hannah actually has a podcast, which we need to do a pod swap because she's really funny. Um, but they're, yeah, they're good. Thank you for that, Becca. So enlightening. All right. This one is very good. So I'm a single mom of two working from home. Prior to this quarantine, I had locked down a sexy sophomore in college for myself to bang through the summer. since this summer snack has been quarantined with his parents for the rest of the summer

in another state i decided to do some outreach i literally take a series of photos in the am and send to my proprietors i'm up to five men and it's exhausting all i want is penetration i'm tired of masturbating and i've done nothing but create a bunch of horny monsters i feel quite filthy for doing it but it's also been really fun lol i'm probably going to have to change my number after this wow i'm whoa wait so are all of her suitors in the 21 year old brain no a sophomore in college that's not even 21 yet it's like 20 that can be like 19 or 20 it can i don't know this how old is our gal you go to college mom of two so who knows i mean she might have had her kids really young yeah i'm in love with a 24 year old so don't like you know it's

not that 24 is not bad no i mean get it where you can just make sure they're over 18 get legally make sure with two forms of id get their birth certificate passport and birth certificate okay my husband and i are quarantined in our in our small apartment and we've let ourselves indulge and stress eat from time to time the usual cravings like a bowl of ice cream or some m&ms but what he doesn't know is that sometimes when i'm in the kitchen and he thinks and putting dishes away or prepping dinner i'm really eating frosting straight out of the can from the fridge like an animal i understand that completely me too and i did it last night i made some cookies and then i had some leftover frosting and chris is like what's that i'm like frosting

for my cookies and he just laughed at me there also is nothing better than canned frosting eating whipped cream straight out of the bottle like there is nothing quite like that like that Oh no. I like the, if you go to whip, if you go to the frozen food section and the whip cream that's in the, in the freezer, in the, in the plastic bin thing, a cool whip. If you eat that like ice cream, it's really satisfying. Very delicious. That's a new low, but I'm so down. I've done it. I've done it. Yeah. Okay. Um, I haven't worn a bra in 47 days. Most of the time I'm wearing the same clothes, even underwear for at least three days straight until I finally bring myself to shower no ma'am the underwear thing we're not gonna judge you we're not gonna judge

you but we're gonna judge you it's the underwear it's the all of it i just it's gonna make you feel worse if you're gross during this time like it feels great after a long day of doing absolutely nothing to just get in the shower after a nice long day of doing nothing and like kelty does at night she scrubbed the shame away and I scrub the shame away it's a new day halfway through the day yeah like it feels great because it's like you've control over at least something one thing yes I understand because since we've been um having to like you know this is like champagne problems but like normally we had someone come clean the house and for the last few weeks I've been doing my own laundry which is something I didn't do and I realized like how much fucking

clothing I wear during the week and like how annoying it is to have to wash it all. So I just stopped. I've started wearing the same thing all the time, but I don't wear underwear. So it's like free ball, you know, even better. Ew. Disgusting. Okay. Here's the last one. This is so good. Becca, this is for you. Thank you. The universe chose the time of a national quarantine to provide me with the most disgusting hemorrhoid known to womankind. I'm not pregnant. i'm not old yet i have to exist within my home for the next foreseeable future with this medical monstrosity i even feel bad considering going to a doctor hello i know people are dying but could you please spare a moment to gaze into my erupted asshole wow i this girl's a great writer number

one i'm like i'm thrilled this is a pulitzer i need more i need more a cliffhanger no oh my god I have a question. I mean, I could Google it, but where does, so does the hemorrhoid live inside your butt? Like if you put your finger up your butt, you would feel the hemorrhoid or it falls out? It can be both. It can be both. So basically it's like a burst blood vessel. So some of the time they're inside, but then when you poop, you're pushing out poop, but you're also pushing out the little ball, the busted blood vessels. So then it like kind of will start to... And then when you sit on it, it hurts. Peek out of your sphincter. Yes. I had to fly to Japan from New York with a raging hemorrhoid, a, um, on my period and a yeast infection. So I had to have

I had to put the preparation H suppository in my butt, a tampon in my vagina. Oh, as long as well as monostat in my vagina. You know what? But having your period at the same time as a yeast infection, all you got to do is dip that tampon in some coconut oil and it's a two for one. No, because if you're like me on a yeast infection, it's the yips that cause the problem. What's a yip? Yippy yips, the lips. Wait, what? Coconut oil around that. No, I don't. Oh, your lips get so inflamed. No, just the entryway to my vagina gets inflamed. And with a hemorrhoid, do they go away on their own?

But then you have to have surgery if they're just real bad, right? They will go away on their own. But I think that once you, like some people are just prone to it. So you usually have like, it's like your ingrown toenail situation. Like they come and go, but they're problematic. But then there are people who have to have the surgery where they literally take like the equivalent of, a rubber band and they like tie it around so that it just dies oh my god it's like how people used

to like take off like skin tags and warts and stuff you just twist them yes jesus okay well on that note it's been wonderful to check in with you guys this week um i've loved all the messages from our listeners being like thank you for you know being with me during my workout or my walk when i'm cleaning the house so thanks to you guys for still listening even though you're not in your cars or commuting or anything like that. But, um, can't wait till we're all together, but I think we're handling it pretty well and we're on the other side now. So we're going to be back in life soon. Maybe, hopefully, I don't know. We'll see. No one thinks. Fingers crossed. These two doomsdayers are like, see you in 2021. Well, because in your mind, we were going to be out of quarantine like

May 1st. Yeah. You thought the tour was happening up until last week. She was planning like a Disney world trip for mayford god damn it anyway we weren't here for a long time we're here for a good time good time good time thanks for listening and make sure to rate and review this podcast wherever you get your podcast we have new episodes of lady gang every tuesday and thursday follow us on social media at the lady gang uh follow us personally at kelty most importantly at becca and at jack bannock the lady gang network is produced by will sterling steve Delamater, Kirsten Woodward, and Elizabeth Baquette. Thanks for rating and reviewing wherever you get your podcasts and tune in for new episodes every single week.

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