LadyGang - LG QUICKIE: SEXGANG

Episode Date: May 23, 2024

Today, we are going back to basics. It's been a while since we talked about our sex lives, and this episode is a doozy. We describe the perfect kiss, share what song is on top of our sex playlist, discuss the movie scene with the best sex scene, and Becca shares a NSFW confession about her *skillz*. Welcome to the SEXGANG. bitches! Check out our greas sponsors!!! PaleoValley: Ready to snack smarter? Head to paleovalley.com/ladygang for 15% off your first order. Get your baby’s butt into Huggies’ best fitting diaper! Huggies Little Movers. We got you, baby.  Visit Apartments.com - THE place to find a place! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

It's time for a quickie. Podcast one presents the Lady Gang, the Hollywood girl posse with Lady Gang Quickie. Here's Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. Let's make this quick. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to Lady Gang Quickie. I'm Becca here with Jack and Kelty. Oh my God.

Are you guys ready to rage? Yeah. Welcome to... Rage or fire. The sex gang. Oh. Are you feeling so sexy right now? whatever the opposite of sexy is yeah so this is a perfect time to do this okay it's been a while

when we first started lady gang i we were very sexual beings you know jack was dating you were newly dating zach maybe just engaged i was in year four of marriage so like i was still you know had a uterus like things were it was wild different time but then over time we've gotten away from what makes the lady gang so lady gang yeah raunchy which is raunchy cool girl i'll say anything kind of vibe we say anything but it's just a little bit different it's about like bodily functions yeah exactly so we're we're taking it back to the og okay the sex game what is the most romantic sorry some of them are soft yeah this is the softest no i'm starting soft and then i'm getting okay harder just like sex yeah um okay what is the most romantic song you know um uh

brandy and monica did a re or no brandy did a remix of it but i think it was originally um The boy is mine. I was going to say Brandy and Monica. No. Everything I do. Bryan Adams. Oh, yeah. I do it for you.

Mine is Sparks by Coldplay. Oh, that's great. Mine's so depressing, but it's very romantic. Have you ever heard Jason Isbell, If We Were Vampires? Oh, God. I don't think. Maybe. I can't even listen to it.

It's so depressing. but it's so romantic it's basically like at the end of our lives like one of us is gonna have to die and the other one's gonna have to like watch the other be alone you're so messed up in the head oh i really are but we're the same because sad music makes turns me on too i mean that's it's so romantic when i watch about death when i watch the bear all those 90s canon crow song i was like i'm so turned on but he just said mrs jones i just love not mrs jones okay what is the craziest party you've ever been to sex party in LA. Oh, did they have masks? Yeah. It's eyes wide shut. Amazing. Yeah. Only be there's it's members only. Yeah. It's couples. And then you can also

be invited and you can participate or you can observe. I was obviously a voyeur. Did anybody try to pull you in? Yes. One guy at one point came over and he's like, would you like to join? Cause there was like fornication happening on the bed. And I was like, Oh no, thank you. I'm just gonna how do you get i think this is what i should get chris for his birthday it's hard to get in i only got in it was a very crazy loophole i can't even say how okay but it's real you could you could become a member yeah it's expensive what's it called can you not say sanctum sanctum sanctum i can't even imagine how bad it smells in there it was pretty clean really it always happens in a residence in la and it rotates and it's like every room people are in a lot oh and a lot of

its couples and i think that's why they make it mostly couples so that it's not a weird like orgy in a sense but some people just like to have sex and be watched by audiences so that was the couple that i was observing and when the guy were you in the same room standing against a wall in the doorway wow out peeking in the doorway and then there was a roped off area where i think more important people go. And there are celebrities that do visit these places because you're wearing the mask. You can't tell who anyone is. It's like when I went to the maroon five Halloween party at pins in Sherman Oaks and nobody knew which one Adam Levine was because so many people had masks. That's sort of the same thing. Yeah. Oh, pins, you know, pins. I thought his parties were at

hollywood forever cemetery oh this was an early one for the general public yeah no he wasn't even there um i went to a sex party too with my magician when i had a magician boyfriend oh you know when you're bringing up the sex party it really made me think of the magic castle for some reason because i'm like it's the very similar vibe yeah which i love the magic castle would be better if it was if there's thorium or whatever it is i bet you there's like an underground there's definitely a sex dungeon there yeah there is probably i don't know definitely i mean they're pervy and you just said you went to a sex party with a magician what are you just talking about about your magician you had sex with yes she thinks he might have been gay because

when she got off then he jacked off close his eyes and he'd close his eyes how do you show love but i didn't say mine well you didn't say yours either no sex party oh that was i haven't been to a sex party but the one thing that came to my mind about the craziest party is when ashley simpson tried to beat me up oh yeah that was a good one yeah talk about it did i with her she's not my friend, but should we talk about it? We should have her on the podcast. No, she would never remember that. She wouldn't. No. I did say to her once I used to live in your house and she looked at me like, who are you? I was like, we literally shared clothes, but okay. All right. Bye. Um, what's the best compliment you've ever received about your

appearance? Mine's so good. Okay. It's something that you said to me. Oh, and I will never forget it. Okay. It's so random. Okay. You go, you really have a good forehead to hairline ratio and i will never forget it that is true you do because it was so genuine and it was so weird and about something nobody else would notice it's so weird but it's because i have a bad hairline so i notice a great hairline on other people you look good with your hair plastered back you can part both sides you have the right amount of space it's not too short like theresa judas doesn't have enough forehead no no she needs more forehead i wish i could pluck out like two rows of hair for her. Me, my forehead starts back here where my brain is like, you can't have it all,

you know, kind of this face and beauty and the big brain and the big brain. But like, I can't wear my, when I wear my hair in a top knot the other day at E they had to do the, the Jennifer Lopez like thing. And I was like, is this cultural appropriation? Like the baby hair is being like waxed down early thing. They said, no, I did it. I didn't get canceled, but it felt weird to me. So I was like, okay, well I'm, you know what? You're beautiful. it was just one i'll never forget thank you that is so so strange so strange i'm trying to think of one that's obscure like that the best compliment is that the best compliment you've ever received about your appearance i had a boyfriend like who constantly told me i looked

like an alien but in like a beautiful way i love that oh yeah that's nice you know you're too perfect in my mind it felt like is it like because i'm like ex machina but i don't think it was like that i think it was more just like i have a really round head but i in my mind made it that it was because i'm just so gorgeous yeah so unique yeah i if somebody called me an alien i'd take it as a compliment i really liked it yeah i love it the best compliment i ever got you know what aliens don't have wrinkles no wrinkles bingo and they never have like a pore well et had a lot of wrinkles actually now that i think of it that's true yeah he was the cutest yeah so cute someone told you you didn't have pores. Many people tell you that you don't have pores. It's the Accutane.

It's the Accutane, but it's coming back. But, um, Chris looked at me once and I was like, so disgusting. I was like sweatpants, like, you know, just a weekend Kelty. And he said, he just looked at me and he goes, this is my favorite Kelty. And then he walked away. And I thought that was really nice because I'm always like, have I not fulfilled my fantasy because I'm always gross at home? No, you know what it is with you too, because you have to wear so much makeup for work people assume that what's going to be underneath is what with a lot of girls like even for myself if i'm wearing a ton of makeup and then i take it off it's quite a difference yeah you don't really have that difference so i think that that's why chris is also

like it's a very even if he's not conscious of that skill that you have yeah it's like really crazy to be like wow she's just as pretty without makeup that she is with makeup well and everybody's so used to seeing you with like makeup, but that's the special part is when it's off and that you aren't fugly with it off. Cause if you were fugly with it off, people might be like, Oh, put the makeup on, put it back on. Maybe the no makeup makeup. Okay. Um, do you feel like you and your partner cuddle enough? Definitely not. No, definitely not. Oh, neither one of us are big cuddlers i don't like to be a cuddler i do too i want to jared and i cuddle all of the time what do you mean all the time on the couch when we're watching tv like you're a teenager like yes yes

it's my favorite thing in the world i bet you there's like science to that being really good for there no it it's really good i saw some facts about it spoon or little spoon on the couch i kind of like lay on top of him in the back squished into the couch yeah like intertwined yeah but in general little spoon what i can't think of anything worse i love it but it's like i can literally feel the endorphins and the serotonin like i can feel it like like happening to me when we cuddle do you cuddle in bed like when we wake up the same time on weekends before after teeth brush after oh i have a huge thing about brushing like there will be no kiss nothing before toothbrush no disgusting i love it when i cuddle with chris and i can hear his heartbeat and then sometimes

i'll just go very annoyingly they're done they're done like so he can hear it like so dumb um i wish chris and i cuddled more damn it's a lot of limbs to get very lanky you know it's like we don't fit in a lot of spots that's why jared's good because he's just like a big he's like a hunky yeah a big slab but that i can kind of just like yeah yeah but and also you don't have an animal no callie that little callie show really block you you know i want to cuddle more should that be one of our manifests not into it jacks no she hates it i don't know okay celebrity hall pass killian murphy duh chris hemsworth what what is that face you've never said that before he has yes because he's just like the hottest man and he's my perfect man hunky hunky blonde

the i don't like the australian thing used to be mine i like chris pine now and i actually like him now better he's like in his like grandpa era he's very hot in real life very sexy i mean he's like well and also i will say brad pitt with long hair yeah brad pitt's hot in real life but i will say he's not a well like i guess that really that's hypocritical i was gonna say he's not like a big enough man for me but killian murphy's quite tiny he seems very small yeah yeah what's yours can't see matt nathanson no no no um i i don't have like that's the problem i want one so bad yeah people ask me all jeremy allen white i know but not any well the what's the guy's name on the bear chef jeremy allen white no no he's the character he's the actor what is the name of

his character character conrad oh i don't know chef chef is my call pass but only in his whites and only in the tank top and only in the back of that restaurant in the freezer that and smoking if it's him in his real life like getting the groceries or going to target i'm not interested at all okay just close your eyes and describe the perfect kiss who okay go jack oh i just like a smooch i just like a no tongue smooch i like a two-handed face grab moonlight serenade um a stranger yeah just kidding did you ever date one of those people was just like an amazing kisser but like nothing else was good yeah or just yeah she was gonna say sex yes because usually if they were an amazing kisser they were also me yeah and then you're just like

what am i doing but here i am what song is on the top of your sex playlist so i have this one song it's um called metamorphosis by this band let me get it right jack gives us something that no one's heard so really you know nobody has heard this song before but it's so funny because i had written it down because i was like writing this down it's a sex playlist um because people should it's okay it's by it's called metamorphosis by inner world it's like exactly what sex sounds like to me like it's very um what's the word uh seeing colors that i have transesia synesthesia yeah but then they started using it on a commercial for like a car oh my god damn it it's like buick drives with like blah blah blah blah and i'm like well now my sex song is ruined want to hear mine yeah

oh okay what song is this is it remember by uh james jared james oh is this from suits this is the same vibe as my song yeah the song's good zach discovered it can you add it to our lady gang sex playlist you just like bang to the beat bang to the beat bang to the beat real slow keep it in a bang bang i like a slow bang i like a slow bang um mine is that song um is it called mercy um you don't want by duffy no try to make me go no it's like the um we'll put it on the sex list sex list the sex playlist sex list

uh-huh screaming when we scream and when we fight yeah i can't you're my only wife yeah no ma'am please don't break my heart i know that is right are you literally tell you about that life yeah run and Clyde ready to die yeah it's the sexy part he said face down laid pipe oh i want to swim in your pool i love how kelty has no creativity because number one that song is called makeup sex like you have to be so literal and two do you really have like an emo like that's a pop emo that's what you have sex yeah okay he said laid pipe ooh swim in your waterworks ooh the waterworks is the by the way i do want to tell you that i had a just because the sex game i had a very low point in my career when i emailed my

brand agent and there's a brand called replens where it's like a thing that you can put in your vagina to make you to make you moist but it's something that a lot of people with hysterectomies because like the the you know the pipe ends you don't have any glands there's not as much you know glannage um and i would i literally wrote her and i was like i will be the face of a moist vagina for five hundred thousand dollars well yeah same way less than that same this is the price so far I'll do the lower bidder. She's not calling me, but it's a great product. Did we talk about, I'm sure we did.

Remember when I had my friend Donna, the craziest dress? Yes. And this reminds me of this because her trick was always on a date. She would go and put one of those in. And then so by the time things got busy, the guys would be like, oh my God, it's like you're 20, you know? And she's, she's older than we are. But I remember when I was living in New York also, I went to her apartment and she had

tampons, like a huge thing of tampons on the back of her toilet. And I was like, do you have enough tampons? Jeez. And she goes, it's so that men think I still get my period when they come over to have sex. Oh, that is so funny. She had obviously already gone through menopause. And I was like, that is a really good subliminal message of being like, I'm still fertile. Yeah. I love that. Oh my God. I love it. I know. Should I stop calling it my sex pocket? I feel like that's a turnoff for chris i think probably don't to chris yeah i think yeah like a pocket just seems very like like a hot pocket that feels like a like a little child like what's the name of the thing guys put on their penis oh yeah oh no that's what i said to him because someone at

work said you're a human fleshlight and that's what i said to chris i'm a human fleshlight well what is his response he was like when yeah when can we ever have sex again you did get the okay to have sex right at six weeks but it my sex pocket is not healed i can feel it yeah it does not feel right yeah that's fine so i'm taking till eight weeks i'll keep you posted until you take your time girl the lady gang okay movie scene with the best sex scene i know what this is so okay go but i don't watch enough movies deborah messing and dermot mulroney are in a movie i think it's called the wedding date yes it's the wedding date and she hires an escort to go to her sister's wedding with her because her ex is going to be there and she needs some hot guys so she

hires him yeah yeah while they're in london they go into her dad has has a boat that's parked in the driveway they go into the boat and they have sex to this maroon five song and she will be loved it was what is the name of the song so kelsey vibes um and he like takes her shirt off the way they shot it was so beautiful and also dermot moroni for the longest time i was like i love you love you so much um what was the name of the song i'll pull it up while you guys tell yours but it made me so horny jack i don't watch enough movies to remember okay put your hand up titanic you know what it is yeah titanic no is it oh yeah that's the window but i also thought you were doing the um dirty dancing when they have that's hot so yeah hot the wedding date maroon

five i feel like kelty definitely has maroon five on her sex playlist i don't know it has we have bad connotation oh here we go for that company and so it's too this isn't it no it's like that's let it be okay imagine last thing hold on just while you find it oh i know exactly secret this is a maroon five honestly i bet we'd have the sex same sex playlist because this would be on mine who's this here's the same whoa never messing she's getting it right work it okay who would have known best sex position worst sex position wait also how to lose a guy in 10 days when they're in the bathroom and they got caught in the rain and matthew mcconaughey goes and he

takes off the white wife beat her off of kate hudson it's the hottest hottest okay sorry clearly i'm i'm into a good sex scene love a sex scene what what's best sex position worst let's do worst first um in the shower it's like oh i'm bent over i need a bench or something to lean on but i'm just trying to hold on with my feet and then everything's going up my nose it's upside down it's not great it's too i like to be so hot in the shower chris likes to be cold it's like then i'm looking at my feet i need a pedicure like it's not i don't people are so into shower sex i don't get it tell me what i'm doing wrong do i need stilts do i need a bench what do we need more utilitarian shower sex it's just to sort of get it accomplished and then you're clean

and then you're clean right so it's almost like you're doing problem that we start there and then we got to go to, we got to have a whole experience. It's too much. Yeah. If you know, you have to go to the bed with Chris Knight anyway, no matter what. Yes. Okay. Cause I'm always like, why can't we just have sex in the shower and then be done? It's never over. And I don't like any sex position that you can even maybe see your butt, see my butthole. Oh, no doggy. Unless it's dark. Okay. But that's can be risky. Cause if his eyes adjust too well, then he can still see would be like doggy style in a broad daylight dude that's what jaren i do all the time just broad just i'm a daytime suck i like eyes open morning bright bright and early

coffee but whole out you think you know someone you think you know someone jack weird why is that weird jacqueline van pre-shower no post-shower pre-sex i mean pre-poop post-poop post no sorry what did i say post-poop post-shower i mean i've been with jack for 12 hours she's had four showers like she's rinsing i'm rinsing all the time she's rinsing before she's rinsing after she's rinsing around the rosie yeah i love it i love a fucking rinse rinsing yeah i don't mind i don't know that was so weird i think my butthole is i have no idea what mine looks like i have no idea what it looks go to a european wax center like i'm into that i would rather have sex from behind than in front because i'm it's like i don't know about the front part but i have a huge belly button like i don't

know i'm not i like from yeah i'm into a behind i like a behind yeah sorry i mean i'm fine with behind i just don't you see it right lighting what about if it's like he closes his eyes and then he's in and then he's not looking at the butt if you're wearing a little skirt first of all there's no closing men don't close their eyes when they're i'm just saying take the skirt i'm sorry like a little lacy skirt that is not gonna cover my butthole no just take the take the um time between you getting into doggy style and then him you having sex where he's not seeing the butthole in between both of those moments because they're seeing it the whole time they're behind you opening your butt no but you're on your knees so your butt cheeks are

spread a little bit your butt i bet you can't see your butthole let's test it i think you have a fear of something that actually isn't true i don't think that they can see your butthole unless i think they do want to they want they do wander of course they want to they want to of course zach zach martin i have a question this is not the day for him i know it's not i have a question this is so important zach i have a question that face is not ready to answer you can plead the fifth in doggy style sex can you see butthole if you want to which they did was so hot because he actually you know what zach had a moment because he goes if you want to and then he looked you down to your toes and looked you up because he

knows he's never getting that was more of a challenge you know what i mean yeah if i want to is what he said yeah like watch your butthole girl yeah it's coming okay well this was really fun thanks zach martin um we love you so much lady gang please let us know if you'd like to have more sex episodes and i do that was fun it was fun yeah it's been a long time since i i just can't wait to be open for business okay um we weren't here for a long time but we're here for us sexual time thank you so much for listening the lady gang is produced by steve delameter stacy para jared monaco and social support from amy ryerson it really means the world to us when you show up in our community outside the podcast so sign up for our secret facebook group just

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