LadyGang - LG QUICKIE: The Awkward Years

Episode Date: March 29, 2018

The Ladies figure out a new catchphrase to end their QUICKIE episodes while opening up about their worst photos and even worse roommates. For a list of all the products mentioned on this episode, visit www.theladygang.com Follow the podcast on Instagram @theladygang and you can email Jac, Becca and Keltie at [e-mail]. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey guys, the following podcast is a Lady Gang Network and Podcast One production, which means it's going to be awesome. It's time for a quickie. Podcast One presents The Lady Gang, The Hollywood Girl Posse, with Lady Gang Quickie. Here's Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. Let's make this quick. Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to the quickie. Oh.

You guys. What? I have such a good thing to tell you. What? i'm so excited okay so remember this was a genuine like this wasn't planned i know like scripted she really just something struck her so do you remember um for like our first quickies that we didn't really know how to sign off yeah was it good for you it was good wait by the way is that not what no what emily does yes and so that is what that is what i thought that sex with emily

said and one of the lady gangs wrote and so she said we had a lady gang write in and say love the quickies episodes you bitches are the best suggestion for the closing line not here for a long time we're here for a good time oh that's cute what do you think love it what's her name or the other one I didn't keep it or see you next quickie no that doesn't even not here for

a long time we're here for a good time you didn't even keep her name so we could give her a shout out for thanking her not here for a good I can't do it all guys we're here for so do you say not here for a long time and then we all say we're here for a good time but we're here for a good time but it's just the beginning of the episode We'll remember.

I'm sorry, Sex with Emily, by the way. Yeah, we didn't know, girl. I literally thought about that right after. We love you. Sorry, Emily. And we love you. Also, go listen to Sex with Emily because she's amazing. Also, we need her back on our podcast.

I love her. Now she probably hates us. Whatever. Okay. Well, what's the quote for the mirror message? I will get my phone back out. This one's so good, you guys. Also, if you guys like these quickies, you have got to go on our iTunes because if you

don't review it enough, we may not be able to keep it. and we would love to do them every week if you guys give us enough reviews you guys just have to go crazy on iTunes are you ready you can be a good person with a kind heart and still say no

I like that so you guys are approving that's a good one because it's not cheesy it's not cheesy but I think you can be a nice person and just be like I can't do that for you you can be nice and kind and also strong and have a backbone

yeah i like that that's true yeah nice okay well um what are we grateful for go first jack okay so i went to the korean spa recently and we've talked about it like a million times um but for anybody that hasn't been you have to be completely naked and there are not a lot of times where you're in a room with a bunch of other naked strangers that you don't know and it was kind of amazing like i was appreciating every woman's body because everybody was so different you know we're different ages different ethnicities different colors different sizes and like the woman's body is amazing and everybody is just so strong and it really made me appreciate being a woman oh my god that's so nice yeah i love that i get nude right now and

you tell me that my body's beautiful i'll tell you everything great about your body no because it's like i am my biggest critic when it comes to my appearance like i look at myself in the mirror and i just like pick myself apart so i'm trying to be a lot better about that and appreciate my body rather than like tear myself down so that was really helpful in that and i liked it good for you yeah it was great um i'm very grateful to live in california because i got a taste of winter i had to go to chicago for something and i used to live in new york for eight years and i don't know how i managed i knew that i was not extremely happy but now that i live out here i realize i am not meant for that weather that is just not who i am never will be and i love i love california

and a lot of people i think go their whole lives not finding their city or their place that they really do feel genuinely happy in and also chicago winters are the brutal brutal i mean if you love it and you don't mind it it's such a great city that's the thing it's like new york great city i never want to live there again yeah i spent a lot of this winter traveling to cold places and it has made me appreciate california more than anything like it is so nice to come home to 72 degrees i know leave the winter shit goodbye yeah it's true what are you grateful for i'm grateful for rupaul's drag race yes i think it is the greatest show on television now i'm a little behind i'm watching all stars three right now and it's the only television show that i will pay 1999 to

download a season of and then just binge a season like that's great there's something about rupaul being a host where he does the same thing every like you it's kind of like lady game you love the structure i love the structure of the show i know exactly what i'm gonna get every time we're just gonna come in in a ridiculous suit he's gonna give them the maxi challenge they're all gonna like crazy then they're gonna go in the mirror and talk about each other then he's gonna be like may the best one win like yeah i just love it it's very calming for me he was the best guest rupaul's drag race is so special and i'll do anything to be a guest did you see nico is no oh he's going on it but i haven't watched it yet okay but he posted pictures oh yeah i know

and he calls himself almond milk it's amazing he does i love how he gave himself a gap yeah i mean i it's great what sexual man yeah okay anyway i love rupaul's drag race and thank you rupaul for this greatness thank you rupaul we love you all right when we come back it's time for the caboodle what's in our box that's not what it's called jack yes it is called a caboodle yes but that segment oh just what's in our what's in our box say it with us what's in our caboodle don't shake it too hard what's in the lady gang box what's in the box and we're back you guys ready for yes what's in our box okay oh this one is so good category is your awkward phase yes are you starting yes i'm gonna start so my awkward phase is conveniently now well yes

it's conveniently when my mother decided it was time to do a professional photo shoot with my sister, and those photos are blown up and framed all over my house right now. Yes. My parents' house. Did you all wear the same outfit? No, it was just me and my sister. I was in, like, a black spaghetti strap and a white pant. I thought I

was gorgeous, but I had porcelain braces. Oh, which are worse than regular braces. They are worse? It just makes it look like your teeth are full of junk. It's the grossest. The reason I had the porcelain braces is because

i didn't get all of my adult teeth until a little bit later than everybody else so when everybody had braces at like 12 and 13 i was like 15 and it was just i was mortified that i had to do it so i thought that the porcelain braces were going to be the right choice everyone can see your braces no matter what kind of teeth are yellow didn't they start doing like the braces on the inside of your teeth yeah but then everyone's tongues were getting mauled oh but now they have the Invisalign thing? Yeah, if only I had had that. It also looks creepy. Sometimes, I gotta tell you something, sometimes celebrities are wearing Invisaligns

on the red carpets when I interview them, and I'm like, could we not take our Invisalign out for a second? Anyway. That's weird. Invisalign freaks me out. It seems too germy. It's very germy. It's disgusting. I know many people who have had Invisalign, and they get so many cavities while they have

them, because they don't brush their teeth between meals, and they keep putting the dirty thing back on their dirty teeth. I have to wear a night guard because i grind my teeth like so bad i was grinding down like the fronts of my teeth and like when you take it out in the morning well no i use effort every morning because that is like the biggest fear of mine like there's nothing nastier than like mouth smell so i can't that's why i could never i also lived in a tanning bed and had skinny eyebrows and also here's my senior

picture wait hold on i got oh oh my god you're so lucky you're such a bitch i was such a bitch I remember right after I took this photo, right after this photo, I like ran off with my older boyfriend who had already graduated. Becca, you were like, yeah, Rebecca Tobin. These eyebrows are out of control. How did they even come back? How did yours go back? Why did you only wear a third earring? You didn't think it's my senior pictures I should wear an earring in my...

I really didn't care so much. Did they put this like... Not to mention, yeah, that's like a... With your tan line? That's cake. i mean not to mention that my senior year of high school this was taken i don't i think it was right can we post this we have to post this so they know what we're talking about um i took this photo like right before i got kicked out of that school and then i was sent to i have a question

when you got that photo back there you were like i'm hot you liked it at the time you look good you look like it's not like that's not awkward no you look good you just look like a total bitch yeah okay jack how's your awkward i mean everybody can look at my awkward face by googling jack vanik because i still don't know how to get those pictures off of the main page so every picture here's my favorite in this picture i am wearing a crown i have a pink and black dreadlock i'm wearing a tutu and a self-made skeleton shirt and holding a cupcake and then i have one eyelash on the bottom my scene phase was just so bad i thought it was i mean i you made a whole phase though i everyone was dressing up like a movement no i know i'm sorry to everybody because everybody's

awkward phase is going to be like mine yeah that was like in the scene and it was just god awful it's pretty bad but do you think it might have like a resurgence like everything else does 100 yeah and then people and people be like like you'll be the twiggy of the next generation People would be like, I want to have that Jack Vanek haircut where it's, like, really short in the front and then, like, leopard in the back. Yeah, be, like, totally broken off from straightening it and bleaching it. I'm waiting for that resurgence. Did you do the tanning bed thing? Yeah, in high school.

And I'd have, like, the Playboy Bunny sticker on. Oh, my God, the sticker is iconic. I'm so glad that I stopped doing it. I was next to a girl in a yoga class in Chicago who, like, you know that tanning bed color. Yeah. It's very specific. She clearly still goes, like, several times a week. And she's a blonde.

like she's naturally you can tell very fair and i just was next to her being like do you people people still go to people still go to my mind that people are still going to tanning beds like people it's 2018 you know how bad they are equivalent of like smoking a pack of cigarettes like in one honestly we're lucky that we're as beautiful as we are from all the tanning beds i did so much tanning bed thank god ipl was invest invented and then i could like laser off all the years of tanning bed oh god in your face it's just like aging and i like right now that in hollywood they're having like less girls stylists are telling them a lot of stylists are being like stop spray tanning like oh really yeah a lot of stylists are telling their clients to stop

it's so funny i just saw leah on a red carpet and i know i was she was with her stylist brad and she was like what's the one thing that she won't do that you want her to do and he was like i hate the spray tan yeah and then i didn't do a spray tan for the seg awards and people are like you looks so beautiful i love it i think that like a spray tan although i think leah looks great with a spray tan because she's a naturally like olive yeah and like i think a lot of light-skinned black girls will do that spray tan like it's a little extra glow but when you're a white girl like like us kind of white girl it is fugly do you guys remember when i the when we did the yes and i got a spray tan and it was orange like so orange there's just no and people will say

like oh my god but this spray tan is so much better it's like so natural if no it's not it's not it never is it'll never be they're they're bad but i'll still do them i like a little bit of spray tan because i'm like a luminescent but not i'm not using dark anymore i'm using light but that's why the l'oreal spray tape the the supply by oh yeah l'oreal just bomb.com yeah for if you're doing on your face i do yeah i do my face i do my chest i'll do my arms and the good thing is you can just do whatever place is showing and whatever you're wearing you don't have to like cover right you don't have to be your vagina lips it's legit what was your awkward phase i had a couple and this is so funny because my my parents were just here in la and i was driving

with my mom trying to really bond with her and i said mom like what's it like for you we're from shrewd park alberta and we're in los angeles right now and you're driving around and like you birthed me and then i turned out as me like and she was like oh my god you're so ridiculous i was like no but like that's got to be a trip you birth your child and then they're like into an alien yeah no but then i'm like sorry mom i can't come home i gotta fly in business class to new york and like yeah you really made it you know you know what i mean and like people were at like target and people are like oh my god are you kelty from the lady gang and then we were at target and we bought the us weekly that both me and becca were in and she was like oh my god reading it she was showing

the cashier she's like that's my daughter she lost um anyway point being is that i was like what is that like like as a mother it's got to be crazy and she goes well you know she's like i'm so glad everything turned out great for you she's like you were such a cute kid she's like when you were like three years old people would stop me and be like she's so special and then you had like an awkward phase that would not end and we thought maybe she's just gonna be one of those kids it's like really cute when they're little and then like never pulls it together and isn't as an adult and i was like damn with like the reality sauce i was like that's not what you're supposed to say here it goes fourth grade fourth my forehead was birthed first like i came out

like a body but like mostly the forehead and so i had you remember when the bangs were like the kelly kapowski like yeah so like no but do you remember i mean i remember but not personally the night oh anyway so when you have like a five head and then you add another five head on it was bad um okay so that was number one and i had like big front teeth and awkward awkward i also um remember like getting my point shoes for ballet in sixth grade and before i had even taken a ballet point class i was convinced that it was time for me to perform at the assembly stop it right now so i put on like a baby doll dress because it was the 80s 90s and i definitely performed a point solo to win beneath my wings yet having never taken a point class in my life and i would just

like anyway it was something special that is something magical i also performed at i remember like i just needed to perform so badly i performed at the seniors brunch you know like school has those like weird things how old were you i i was in sixth grade dancing was big um and i tore up my clothes like a homeless person and i did a performance to will you be there by michael jackson i'm gonna cry right now and that's not even the worst part my real awkward phase came oh my god and they continued for like another 10 years like sheila said um my mural awkward phase was uh 12th grade so in high school i was so awkward i i know i i was so afraid of um myself that i like left everyone in high school i went to a different high school in the city because i

was like i can't be like i need to start over and then the next year i went to a new high school because i was like i need to start over because i was just like so awkward so 12th grade i went back to the high school that all my friends went to and uh i was like you becca my baby teeth didn't come down in time but i was in 12th grade not you were in eighth grade no i was like 15 16 sophomore yeah okay so i was in 12th grade and i had no teeth they were little chiclets so they would wire my mouth shut put little bullet things on the bottom teeth and the top teeth and then put a wire between them so that it would try to like drag out your adult teeth down and so in my senior first senior photo um i'm like smiling and i just like have a big missing tooth with like a wire on

it and then i got to do the reshoots after i had gotten my first set of veneers because they're like your teeth are they're never gonna come down we have to give you some fake teeth anyway so that was really awkward because no one wanted to date me because like who wants to kiss you have a boyfriend in high school i had a boyfriend yeah i had a was it the gay ice skater oh what was his name oh um no he was on the um cruise ship um his name was um sergey sergey yeah um i had some boyfriends in high school i had a once i got my teeth done i had a really really hot boyfriend named justin mills who since has moved to boston and i looked at him up on facebook and now he's fat and bald and i was like missed the boat on that but he was so hot even my mom was like he

was so hot and i'm like it's creepy mom yeah the hot guys in high school peak in high school and then they all get bald yeah what are the girls it's true it's so crazy yeah and then i think i had an awkward phase when i started at insider because i didn't know what right elena documented the awkward phase really well in a fashion book of me so like i knew i had to like i had bad stylists and people that were like i'll style you for free and i was like great and like that should have been my first thing like don't style me for free and i just thought i needed like everything so i'd go on a red carpet and i'd be like i need an orange dress and a sparkly shoe and a clutch that is a butterfly and a red lip and a blue eyeshadow and like a lot of hair

extensions like that one time that i wore the top hat to the amas was that when you were dating ryan oh wait that's a whole other awkward phase okay we're done with your awkward phases so your whole life essentially honestly i feel like until 35 kind of like i feel like i would have been but it's like you i can't i'm so shocked that people wanted to have sex with me but anybody looks back in their past and they think it's like a terrible choice that's just how it like that's how life is and like fashion and trends and whatever you look at your a picture from me five years ago and be like what was i thinking you know remember when forever 21 used to make those shirts that were like ridiculous sayings and my yeah and they all ripped me off yeah totally the t-shirt would be

like all this and brains too like who wears that shirt oh my that's bad healthy colleen who do you thinks the most awkward out of who out of who the three of us like yeah probably you even hesitate like awkward as in socially maybe let's not play this game this is a weird game no like i feel like this reminds me of when we had that plastic surgeon guy on and kelty was like tell us what you would do to change her faces i love that game it's like this is not a game to be played no but i look at the picture of becca and i was like i know exactly who becca was in high school and i was not her like i didn't go to lunch with her i didn't hang out with you see that's deceiving because i went to like a nerdy performing arts high school and like i certainly was not the

most popular really you just look you look popular yeah yeah it's always been a bitch yeah that's true were you popular you were the whole world loved you i was like in high school i was like ninth and tenth grade because i was on the cheer squad and i was like all about like that popular life and then i got mono and i quit cheer and i started going to concerts and i didn't give a fuck about anybody you guys i just realized we've only done one yeah we're going sorry let's do one one more quick talking about ourselves you're welcome listeners i hope you feel less alone i can talk about it more shitty roommates or neighbors oh god man where do i start in your 20s that like after college roommate situation is always brutal brutal never live with your best

friend never i survived it my best friend and i did survive it but it got very ugly really i've lived with my best i've only lived with best friends oh well maybe that's just me i'm problematic common denominator no but i just feel like it's so it's just so hard you're not meant to share a space with somebody that's not a family member until you actually have to like marry them right um i don't see i don't really have any like shitty stories i did live in a house that we called the pink house after when i was in college with six girls and it would be the girls and then the boyfriends lived there and then we always had friends staying on our couch there was like 10 people at our house at any given time and it was like a literal disgusting frat house like not a

sorority house it was like a frat house the parties we'd have there pee on the seat pee on the seat there was like beer all over the ground all the time there was a rat that lived in like our bottom like den room it was disgusting but it was the best i do think that when you're living with somebody you should have check-ins like every couple months you could sit down and say you know i feel like i have you know been cleaning up after you right here's a pet peeve of mine don't leave a dirty towel on the floor like whatever it is or stop bringing so many dudes home in the middle of the night whatever it is that you don't don't let that fester because it will just explode and also people cannot read your mind like some people can live amongst filth and

they don't right like jack bannock oh yeah just live in filth they don't know anything else well and it's like you said pet peeves like something that wouldn't bug somebody else might be so annoying to you so if that's something that you're gonna like yeah fester about in your mind silently like say something i guess i had a roommate still two thousand dollars for me ew how i was on working on a cruise ship what a bitch and you share a room with another dancer and we got paid in cash because it's international water so once a month you'd go down to like the cafeteria and they would hand you like an envelope of cash now it wasn't much cash it was like eighteen hundred dollars a month which was a lot of money to me back then and because you're in international waters there's

nowhere in between getting paid to like when you get back to the port of miami to like save your money right and it was very this was before venmo and online banking because i'm old but you had to go to the bank get a cashier's check with the cash and then mail that check home to your parents or whatever anyway so i had like a secret place in my little closet caboodle area that i like hid my cash until it was like cash day and then one day both my roommate and my cash got stolen your roommate got stolen no her cash the roommates the roommates cash and my cash got stolen and so everyone was like someone broke into our room this is so crazy it was like very investigative like investigative crime like jack would love because you love a crime and so we had to get

like the pursers involved in the police on the ship because there are them well i it never ended up being her but all these years later i'm like i'm such an idiot like you loved cocaine and you stole my money you love cocaine drug habit you know all right brutal brutal okay are we gonna do our sign off yeah so what is it again uh it was we're not here for a long time oh yeah that's you becca we're not here for a long time we're here for a good time it's but we're here for yeah okay who's saying but are we all saying everybody okay we're not here for a long time But we're here for a good time. That escalated quickly.

Thanks for joining us on Lady Gang Quickie. Check out new episodes of Lady Gang every Tuesday and more quickies every other Thursday on PodcastOne.com, the PodcastOne app, and Apple Podcasts.