LadyGang - LG QUICKIE: The Dos And Don'ts Of Summer

Episode Date: July 18, 2019

Don't mind the first 8 minutes of TMI...the Ladies discuss the must haves (and not so must haves) of the summer! Follow the podcast on Instagram @theladygang and email Jac, Becca and Keltie at [e-mail]! And check out the TV show page's official page @ladygangtv Check out new episodes of the LGTV show every Sunday at 11:00 only on E! And thank you to today's sponsors: Amazon = Go to Amazon.com/shop/ladygang to find their favorite products while keeping the podcast FREE! Apartments.com = Visit Apartments-dot-com to find your next place to rent. Change your apartment. Change the world. ThirdLove = That’s ThirdLove.com/LADYGANG for 15% off today Walt Disney World = Now’s the time to find your “Happy Place” at Walt Disney World Resort See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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wearfigs.com and use code figs ca for 15 off your first order that's wearfigs.com code figs ca podcast one presents the lady gang the hollywood girl posse with lady gang quickie here's kelty knight becca tobin and jack vanek let's make this quick hello hello hello and welcome to the lady Happy Thursday everybody. I am Becca here with Jack and Kelty. It's quick. It's quick. I had so much sex this weekend. Oh my god. Hours. I don't want to do this. It's so weird when you talk about sex sometimes. You're like Chris loves my vagina. He loves going down on me. I'm like I don't need to hear it. But now, well, I have a question. Is it still, like, real hot and heavy with Jared? Yeah. Or are you guys, like, out of the cocaine phase?

No, we're, it's still. Are you having sex every day when you're on tour? Well, not on tour. I mean, tour buses aren't really, like. Sexual. Lucrative to have sex on. Yeah. They're gross.

So, not on tour, but normally, yeah. Every day? Yeah. But it's, like, we see each other in chunks. Yeah, right. So, it's, like, you've got to make the most of it. Yeah, you've got to have sex. You can't be, like, I don't feel like it for this whole week.

My vagina is. Wait, I can't. No, I'm just saying, in my youth, I could have sex every day. And I would insta... It's like working out. Like, you used to be able to party all night, and then you wake up in the morning. Now I have sex for, like, a nice hour and a half romp. Hour and a half?

What? It's so long. I know. Is the whole time sex? No, it's, like, foreplay. Oh, my God. That is my nightmare. I would rather run a marathon than have 90 minutes intercourse with my husband.

But now I'm so sore. It's like now I can't have sex for another two weeks. I got to recover. Wait, 90 minutes. Can you give, as much as I don't want to hear, as much as I really don't want to hear play by play, I do need to know what takes up. Let's break it down. Like let's fraction it out.

There's like the naked spooning and like finessing the body. So how long does that, how long does the naked finessing leave? This is before kissing? Yeah. There's like, that's touching. That's just like getting in the mood, like being body warmth, touching, small talk. What time of day did this happen? Morning.

Okay. A nuzzle, like a morning nuzz. Okay. I have a question. Do you guys brush your teeth before this? No. When Jared and I have morning sex, like, he knows. I'm like, you cannot touch, kiss.

No. I'm like, we're both dating up and brushing our teeth before anything happens. Morning sex is from behind, like, only. No kissing. I love the smell of Chris in the morning. That's sick. Ew. I hate, there is a girl, I'm going to cut you off really quick and go back.

There is a girl that posted in the Facebook group, and she's like, i hate the smell of sleep and she's like i don't like when people don't shower because i can smell the sleep i know exactly what you're talking about i do too i shower every morning i hate the smell of like a body just sitting in its corpse yeah in my cheat fill wait what that is i'm okay truly shocked can you give me the play-by-play okay how long like for some nuzzling there's finesse nuzzling and then there's like neck kissing small talk you're like larry david you're having small talk while you're having sex we're not having sex yet while you're finessing and then chris will like go down on me for a while and then we'll like pull out a vibrator because i have like a

heart time orgasming without a vibrator so like he'll go down to me because he loves it so much in the morning without brushed teeth without brushed teeth i mean ew wait and then you guys kiss after he goes down on you without brushing his teeth? We don't, like, French kiss. Oh my god, I'm dying. Then the vibrator. Wait, can you not get off by him going down on you? I can, but it

takes a long time, and it's better in the summer. Right now. Are you for real? I have a hard time having an orgasm if I'm cold. And it's cold in my house right now. They should make weighted blankets that are warm with holes in it that you can breathe out of. No, you should just have one hole for your head, so then the guy is

going down on you, but your head is just sticking up the top. Well, when Chris goes down on me, he puts me up on a pillow. Do you put your body up on a pillow? No. I have done that before. Yeah, like a sex pillow. We have a sex pillow, but like, or just a regular pillow. It's the one they use in the guest bedroom. Yeah, the

wedge. You have a wedge. And then sometimes you pull a blanket over just your top part to keep warm and snuggly. Because I've got to be warm. I can't have an orgasm if I'm not warm. So summer is best for an orgasm. Then their vibrator for a while. And Chris is like, I don't want to talk about it. You guys are judging me.

I'm not. We're in it. You've got to finish. I've never felt more different than someone in my life. You've got to finish. You're halfway through. So if you put a vibrator right under clitoris, it's too much. So you have to put it around.

You need a lower speed. Yeah, like lower speed, but like all around. Like Chris, like there's a pleasure tease. Oh, my God. Okay. Okay. And then. Do you ever give him a blowjob or no?

No. Well, I'm not there yet. No. it's 90 minutes it's a full feature film i'm sure some blowjobs make it in so then usually like i'll finish first she comes first and then like i'll start with like a hand job you know what i mean for him like sitting up or like i'll get on top sitting up like if he's sitting up and i'm sitting up like i could do it to his face i love to my god i'm not talking about this anymore it's too sexual okay but anyway and then blah blah blah pump pump pump pump pump we're done shower

brush our teeth how long does the actual sex last for like if it was up to chris it would be another 90 minutes and i'm like i got five minutes in this vagina so the the actual all that stuff leading up is like foreplay almost it's over an hour of foreplay yeah kind of 20 minutes of sex the sex is the annoying part yeah the foreplay is fun well my vagina is sensitive and if i have more than like 10 minutes of sex it will be sore for weeks do you guys use lube because it's because it's dry yeah well i don't know i can't i can't i love a lube i cannot have an orgasm and then be expected to participate for another hour not for an hour i oh wait you need a break no i need to like be done after my orgasm oh me too we have to time it so that like my orgasm comes right

before his because if i have one i don't want to have to keep working no i don't want to keep working either but it's hard problem of my life well then you need to stop having during sex though that's the hard part you i i usually do yeah i i mean i can orgasm easily easier through like oral than sex and i'm like this is not this supposed to be the topic at all this quick well i'm glad that we went there because i now know what you do every saturday morning and i'll never be the same not every saturday but i'm just i'm trying to bring my life and i'm glad that you're doing it good for you get that sex in i'm just trying to be a good wife you know have you have you naked stretched recently i haven't no i haven't needed to um chris and i are renewing

our vows you are yeah on our trip to the seychelles i'm gonna get a dress no way i'm gonna do it on the day of the golden globes why what's the significance well because i have to miss the golden globes because of the way the flights work out and so i'm like well if i'm gonna miss the golden globes make it special well i probably wouldn't be able to take it off work unless i was doing something huge so i'm now i'm gonna have to renew my oh so you're doing it so that work doesn't get upset with you yeah cool i like how you exposed yourself right now your bosses are like go yourself guilty what do you need to have to renew your vows nothing you just say we're just gonna say them and we're trying to decide right now i'd love to hear

what the lady gang thinks is should we say the vows we said to each other on our wedding yes and then do new ones do both i think you should definitely write my vows are stupid yeah write new ones i'm like if i had only known what i really needed to promise you wait so 90 minutes i hope that was in your original vows no you're really wait what year are you at with marriage it'll be five wait when's your when's your anniversary uh august 17th so you're gonna to be there over your anniversary no oh so you're just doing it right it's just gonna be beautiful i'm gonna wear a white dress and get a photographer i'm gonna be so beautiful so i'm growing out my hair i just want to let everyone know oh hi your hair looks so good yeah but it needs to be long

mermaid for a vow renewal yeah for a vow renewal just get a wig i bought two wigs this week i did see your posts i bought the best wig anyway this isn't the topic when we come back we're gonna do our actual show show the lady gang all right we're back today's topic is summer do's and don'ts summer is coming and we're going to do a list of things we love about summer and things that we absolutely hate loathe about summer would you like to start with the positive or the negative of jacqueline positives okay things we love about summer am i going first yeah bikinis that's on my other list that is transferring over i really did have a come to jesus moment the other day when i was shopping for bathing suits for the summer and i do not want to buy

a bikini like i'm over the part of my life where i wear bikinis that's how i felt for the last like five years of my life are you a one-piece or not i'm now an officially like a one-piece or bust well that's really shitty i don't even look good in a one-piece yes you do one pieces are hard though you got to find the white right one the thing that's shitty is if you're not a bikini girl and you're not a one-piece girl then you're just a beach moo moo girl and that would be me am i tankini girl no oh my god no one is tankini is gonna come back in style i think they're kind of they're already back in a fashion way oh what the though is up with the bikini selection it's bad can i get if if i wanted to wear a bikini i couldn't even find one with a modest bum i have

the same complaint what the i've seen it why is everyone not modest by our standards the problem is is if it's a cute bathing suit you can expect that it's a brazilian butt yeah there's this brand called monty have you ever seen that yeah but it's still a little bit too like southern sexual no no wait am i thinking of this they have really cute cuts that do then they have like different like levels of modesty like i don't necessarily want to wear a period panty bikini but like oh my god give me something i know monty i mean i was too like j crew was like a brazilian cut really what the hell anyway it's just hard it's really difficult to find a bathing suit and then victoria's secret brought their swim back it was so disappointing they're sure it's just always so

low-waisted it's like your ass cracks hanging out of all their bottoms well and if you have a tramp stamp it's like even worse so okay how's that removal going it's going okay but i see it it's fine you can't how many sessions have you done i've done three but you can still really oh you need like 12 our makeup artist christina is on like she's done a lot on her wrist and it's really going away oh yours is lighter it's lighter but it's because i keep having to cancel my appointment because we're busy the problem is with that is like every time you have to go higher like it's It starts off being okay, and then, because my friend Alexis has a tramp stamp, too, that she was trying to remove, and I went with her once, and she was on, like, six, and it

was excruciating for me to watch. That makes me sad. It's very painful, but anyway, okay, things I love about summer. I love a sundress. Love a sundress. No bra. Because in the winter, when you don't wear a bra under your t-shirt or whatever you're slob in the summer no bra stylish nipples out nip nip i like it nip nip nip nip i like a muumuu

like like i like the beach muumuu that becca was talking about yeah because i never know what to wear in the summer you know what else is great uh driving in your car and like blasting third eye blind with the windows down in the summer yeah how's it gonna be when you don't know me That makes me feel young because I'm so, like, not in the Third Eye Blind era. Yes. Wait, I'm younger than you. But you were into weird emo music. But, like, my age of people who liked mainstream music, it was, like, you weren't quite.

That was definitely around. It was a little bit more my sister's era, which is yours, Kelty. It, like, really hit. I am offended. Okay. I know, like, every Third Eye Blind song, but that is because I was, like, in that. In that. They were, like, what.

Commercial emo. They were what the emo bands worshipped. They were never, like, actually emo. Yeah. Everyone wanted to be in there. Stephen Jenkins. Yeah. He's such a weirdo.

I would love, I'd love to see him live now. Okay. What do you love about the summer? I picked sundresses. Vacations. Are you going on any vacations? I'm going to Spain. Ooh.

No, you're not. I'm so excited. Where are you going? Barcelona. Barcelona. Barcelona. San Sebastian. Ooh.

And Mallorca. Oh. You know what sucks about Spain? The food. San Sebastian is literally known for having the best food in the world. Have you seen Parts Unknown? Anthony Bourdain does San Sebastian. It's orgasmic.

It is? Yeah. When I went, it was just like a lot of tapas. Oh, I love a tapas. That's like a universally good food. Not if you're not a meat eater. Oh, yeah. They do a lot of meat.

It's like a lot of tiny meats, and then you're just stuck with a bowl of rice. Okay. Well, that's why you can't go on vacation internationally when you're a vegetarian. or you have to go to like that it is hard it is you have to be adventurous yeah i am adventurous not if you're a vegetarian you can only get so adventurous with a vegetable yeah and a grain like a pickle whoa a pickled carrot and like oh kimchi couscous okay um jack what do you freaking hate loads um i love the humidity in the summer while traveling i can't i can't exist in humidity i wilt away like even like when we're in the south it was

like 85 degrees but 60 it's a very specific heat it just fucking kills me and i'm not used to it in california and i never get used to it yeah i hate summer because it's when i have to look at man feet everywhere i go so upsetting speaking of 90 minutes of sex while we were doing the moment of like naked touching chris's talon got me oh gross i haven't looked that would have taken me out it almost did i was like nope but i gotta do it i gotta be a good wife i gotta stay stay with the program but like how do you tell you know what i'm just going to do it on this program chris your toenails are too long dude no you're hurting me you're hurting me so i brought jared with me when i was like getting a manicure and i was like you should just get

a pedicure like it'll be fun like you'll like it he's never gotten one before he fucking loves it and now he goes and gets him by himself like you just gotta take him with you once okay and he'll realize how luxurious and amazing it is and then his talons like should your toenails be longer than your toe no no one's not even women so even if if there was any ability for toe play you would never get a scratch right why are you having toe play with his toes his toes should not be involved no but if not it's not toe play but like if chris's toes rub against me i think his toenails should be short enough so that i don't feel them and you don't want to feel like a the callousness of their feet like the house doesn't upset me oh the way a toenail does a toenail's

the worst you know who definitely has ugly feet prince harry how do you know just picture his feet i just feel like why him because i just feel like redheads have bad toenails i am dating a redhead yeah how's his toenails i have never looked at them harry i'm scared of feet i know i don't look at feet either i don't even if my life depended if i had gotten abducted i just googled his feet who's jared's wait no trin terry i think he has one of those like weird non-existent toenails woman oh from like too many sports maybe like his toenail popped off like if if i describe it jack it's you just can't tell in that picture if there's a toenail or not i'll be right back with a full rundown so my point was that if chris got abducted and they were like

okay we're gonna line up five feet oh my god and you have to pick chris's foot and whoever the foot you pick will be the lover you we return to you i couldn't pick chris out of a lineup i've never looked at his feet i hate feet so much the only way i don't know what his feet look like i know i i actually have like a foot phobia like i we know when i get i get nervous and i start laughing when feet are like around my face hate it but the only way i'd be able to tell jared's is because they're frankly but that's it it's true i've never looked at them before in this deep dive in feet i'm also looking up apparently there's a lot of controversy about megan markle's feet does she have a long very very slim foot long second toe long second toe what does that mean longer than her no toes

yes that's why she always wore closed-toed shoes that hurts or it has to hurt i don't know if i experience it would be hard to find shoes that fit she has a big foot too yeah her feet look like a nine nine and a half for sure it's a bunion too oh i think i have a bunion what's a bunion it's like that bone pull your feet out we'll tell you um okay well i will i was actually wondering okay can you tell me the other thing i hate about summer is do i have a bunion right there no not quite it always hurts in shoes it's just it's beginning it's just your foot You're just old. Other things I hate about summer.

I hate that all the people try to act like they read. Okay? You're not a fucking reader if you read one book in the summer. You're a part-time vocabularist. Can't you just let people feel good about reading? No, you can't. But they're like, oh, my God, just read the best book. The Devil Wears Prada.

Let them read. You're not a reader. You're not a reader. You're the leadest, you bitch. you are being a bitch you don't even read you don't know books i only usually don't have a library card i usually only read in the summer have you read the book i gave you yet no no i've been writing a book you bitch every time i'm like you know what this would be so relaxing to read a book no i have to write one i read and write oh yeah but that's because like reading brings you

joy like enjoyment i know i didn't even do a daily a weekly spread this week in my bujo i was that busy wow I don't even know what's happening that's why I wait speaking of books I'm sorry to cut you off it was so interesting um speaking of books Chelsea Handler's new book yeah get it's so good game changer did you read it yeah wait what's it called again so I thought you weren't reading I'm so confused I did it before you made me write write essays oh but she has a new book and it's really really really good and you know how she sort of like went off the deep end like crazy and how she like threw herself into politics not that that's going off the deep end but she talks about it how she like lost her mind yeah and now this is like the coming back around she's

just drunk on fun again no but she's she's like a combination of the two which is all we wanted all we wanted circle you can be all things and it's that's what it is it's like very it's really good it's so good everybody that should be your summer read in her audiobook she reads it obviously and it's it's really good summer pick because next summer you'll be reading our book so that doesn't have a title yet help us with the title we need a title it's a lady so good the lady guide to something the lady guide to your vagina surviving life and all of it without a what without a penis i loved that recommendation i did too but it's not really like that i know it's like too feminist i know i know but we don't we don't hate men we don't hate men we love them we hate

their toes but yeah i guess we hate some of them we hate some of them for sure i've hated every guy some women yeah so it's fine we hate people equally we're equal opportunity haters yes i did make a jacket okay you did equal opportunity hater no i hate everyone okay but i yeah let's make can we do an equal opportunity hater it's like a little bit more pc jack doesn't like it's actually not pc at all yeah like is it okay right now in this climate In this climate? No, sir. No, sir.

Okay. Well, anyway, we have to go, you guys. Why? Because it's time. Okay. All right. I'm so sad and sorry about the first eight minutes of this podcast. And so am I.

Okay. And we weren't here for a good time. But we were here for a long time. That escalated quickly. Hey, guys. Thanks so much for listening to The Lady Gang. You can subscribe if you love the show and check out new episodes every Tuesday and Thursday on Podcast One or wherever you get your favorite podcasts.

follow us on social at the lady gang or follow us personally at kelty at becca at jack bannock and head on over to our website the lady gang.com to ask us a question sign up for our newsletter or buy all the cute lady gang merch you see us wearing thanks for listening and we'll see you next tuesday