LadyGang - LG QUICKIE: The Future Is Calling

Episode Date: October 26, 2023

We thought we knew what we wanted our futures to look like; we could picture our sexy mature selves drinking our Aperol tits while recording the latest episode of the "granny gang," but now we are unsure. If you are anything like us, then you know that everything feels so different as we get older, and we feel less confident in planning our lives.  On today's episode, Keltie, Becca, and Jac look at our futures and discuss our new set of goals, things to get rid of, and, of course, what we will be doing in 10 years! Hold us to it!  Check out our amazing sponsors!!! Skims: Go to Skims.com and get free shipping on orders over $75! Select "podcast" in the survey and select LADYGANG from the dropdown menu! DraftKings: Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and use code LADY for a chance to get $200 in bonus bets for betting just $5! Angi: Download the free Angi mobile app today or visit Angi.com to get professional help on your next project!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

It's time for a quickie podcast one presents the lady gang the hollywood girl posse with lady gang quickie here's kelty knight becca tobin and jack vanik let's make this quick hello hello hello welcome to the lady gang quickie i'm becca here with jack and kelty hello i just had a um a text message this is so funny is this weird to anyone else i'm gonna say this on the podcast. I just got it. I got a text message now. Yesterday I was at work. Okay. And like, I, I hate to break it to you, but I'm going to accept the offer guys. I'm going to accept the offer. They asked me if I wanted to another year at e-news. Oh my gosh. Congratulations. Yay. So I got a call from my team that they were like, Hey, they'd like to extend you. And I was like,

great. I'm, you know, like, let's talk about it this week. And then yesterday I was at work and they gave me start paperwork and i was like i'm sorry i'm not gonna sign this start paperwork right now like i haven't accepted the deal yeah i'm blowing myself up that like i love the job and i'm probably gonna accept your deal but like i just got a text that they were like i heard you had a problem with the paperwork i was like i haven't even looked at it you have not sent me a contract yet who is that who's texting you the legal department from e you need to be like you need to talk to my lawyer i'll be like i would just because you know i want to know you need to say all of these correspondents should go through carolyn yeah i don't have a deal yet so i can't

sign start paperwork yeah that's weird that's like me being like hey jack um can you sign this w9 for a job you don't have yeah no that's very bizarre except this proposal to a man you don't know yet yeah exactly come on now what is this you think that my first rodeo and the thing is i don't even want anything like they're like they're like what do you want to ask for i was like nothing i love it's so much there it's so nice i was like can i have more designer clothes just kidding your fashion is so good there it's great it's so bad when i dress oh should we be shane no okay here we go are you ready for an episode yes we're gonna do an ask us no we're gonna do wow kelsey is no i'm ready is your brain okay yeah my mania this episode is called we did this

before and it was actually a big hit okay and so we're revisiting because we didn't finish all the questions because we can't stop thinking that you're wearing a wig are you serious no it's the way that you pull it down in front of your face it is like and the front pieces of your hair are very thick i'm like suspicious this episode of lady gang is brought to you by neutrophil which is our sponsor and people are like literally every day someone in the lady game facebook group is like how did kelty get her hair so thick i'm like how many times can i tell you i started taking it five years ago when they sent us our first free bottle yeah on lady gang and i have not stopped i take four every night so i do too it's a lot of pill stick it's like they don't

trust me or something sorry to interrupt what were you saying we're gonna finish something that we had started before that people love the future is calling oh god in 10 years time oh god goodbye i'm out you know what let us know what you guys want to do i already told you i i live in the now okay i know but you know what it's fine don't worry about all the hard work i did planning this this is part of the shtick okay oh yeah you're right yeah in 10 years hold on hold on okay she was winking she did a wink okay no no this was an act okay in 10 years i will be celebrating like what birthday i was doing math no not like what is going to be happening in your life my 10 year wedding anniversary oh my god exactly yeah it's so exciting oh i'll be celebrating

my 20 year wedding anniversary that's crazy wow um in 10 years i'll have a almost 12 year old i No, he'll be going into seventh grade. You'll be finding this out. Well, if he's anything like his mother, he'll start way before then. Yeah. I hope that I'm celebrating so many great things. What if you'll be celebrating him going, graduating elementary school? No.

Elementary ends at 10 years old. Then graduating junior high. Then you go to, I think he'll still be in like seventh grade. Cause I think, don't you go to high school at 14 braces? Yeah. Without a doubt. My teeth were horrific. Oh, do you have the best teeth?

Beautiful teeth. Thank you. It actually makes me sad. Cause my teeth, you know, what's funny is that I used to go to dentists, you know, throughout my younger years, my early twenties, and I would get rave reviews from the dentists about my teeth. And I was always like, they tell everyone this. No.

Cause if you go your whole life with people telling you that you're like, well, I don't know how this is any different, but I feel very grateful. But it took me this long to understand that people don't have, people have dental issues. Oh yeah. So I could be named dental issues night. Yeah. Like Kelty. I just recently went to the dentist and by the way, I have to go get my teeth cleaned

every three months now because I'm telling you, I went to get my teeth cleaned and they're like, wow, this is big problem. Are you flossing? floss every night every morning i do um that plus i do the coconut swirl plus like i do everything because of like veneer problems for some reason i have a sticky tooth everything that i eat turns into plaque like this and they even said the last time my appointment's in two weeks i'm getting my teeth cleaned right before your wedding so i can be freshened as a daisy to do all my duties of zipping this might actually happen oh i'm gonna make a note here um timing sorry uh anyway i'm

going to the dentist again soon and they said that if if it doesn't get better they're gonna have to put me under and do a deep dental cleaning like i'm a dog i would say yes please like actually under like anesthesia and like burn my teeth to the ground i want to say something i i know i eat a lot of candy no i i believe more than any other maybe not more than any other industry but i do believe that in dentistry there are so many different schools and yes i was literally gonna say this yes i have gone to so many extremes that i think you have to go shop around a lot dude it's literally big dentist it is that's what i was gonna say because it's like big pharma but big dentist you think they just want to charge me well there's a lot

i mean there's a lot of like things that you can do yeah for profit and dentistry like that's like outside of health insurance no but what i was gonna say is i'd gone to a few dentists and you know how they like measure your like gum recedingness every time I go completely different I'll go to one dentist he's like you're gonna have to get new teeth like your gums are receding you're gonna have gum disease I go to the next one he's like they look perfect I'm like how is this that's insane it's insane they just say whatever the they want to say yeah you got to go to got to go to an honest dentist so I the dentist who wants to put me under for the cleaning this has nothing to do with this episode he told me our plan is working he dr sands what's up he did

my last veneers i'm very happy with them he does the best veneers in town none of them have fallen off yet congratulations to me nice but when you get your veneers because it costs more than a goddamn car you get free teeth cleaning for life oh so it's not that anesthesia isn't free i think that that's the sell-up they're like oh no she needs a lot of free cleanings we need to up the ante because there's no money to be made here we're really thinking that you're gonna get once a year but you're going every three months i take it all back any dentist that wants to find a reason to give me anesthesia sign me i do look forward to it if it wasn't so bad and taking years off my life i would do it once a week it feels so good it takes years off your life anesthesia

it's really bad for you and they don't actually know how it works by the way no they know nothing about anesthesia how do you know it takes years off your life it's just bad for like all of your organs and yeah it like is really bad for your heart i don't i don't trust either of you anything that you're saying dr kelty signing out okay in 10 years time i will be working as oh a rich retired bitch oh nice an artist oh that's like my ultimate goal is to like have my art be able to sell enough money where i can like make some sort of a living off of it cool neither one of you said anything about 10 years i feel like we could still be doing we're still doing it's almost been 10 years since we started we're still gonna be doing this yeah we will i'm gonna be working

as a consultant for smart things we make a smart tv that's gonna be hard without a college degree i'm gonna lie about that because by the way nobody ever asks for the degree no you don't need it college is a scam it's a scam you don't need it i don't need a degree what are you consulting in let's go for everything what do you mean smart things like a smart watch no smart tv yeah like i can't even turn my own tv on that movie smart house that disney movie with that hot guy well he was like hot for when i was in seventh grade i don't remember jack have you ever noticed how scared jack is to like be accused of of like being a dirty old woman anytime a conversation comes up about a young man no no but i get so worried i thought he was

not you're creeping on young boys dude yeah you know the fucking internet it's true i know you have to be careful okay when you come back i'll tell you who i'm consulting for the lady gang okay we're back now i'll tell you who are you consulting for well i feel like i'm sorry i'm crying um i feel like i have now done so many things with my life successfully and unsuccessfully yeah that it's like i think people are gonna look to me in 10 years as just a what should i do with my life consultant no no okay hold on let me sell it to you okay it's like the way you live your life is so bad that's why i said no

you're so bad at life you are like you're bad you're good at one thing it's being really good at it extreme with everything like you don't have a healthy balance of life no no but okay but also you don't take enough interest in others no i hate to break it you need you need like a life coach needs to be somebody that cares about their clients i'm not trying to be a life coach i'm trying to be a smart consultant for life those are not the same thing hey i don't get what you're trying to be okay a life consultant would you would want someone out of me i'm trying to be a smart financial consultant no she's saying she wants to teach people how to be smart you're not smart yes i am you're you're uh what's what i'm looking no you are smart you are smart i

will give you you are a hustler no you're a hustler but you're not like you are um savvy savvy you are a hustler i'm gonna be a success consultant a success consultant no i had one of those it was the biggest scam i paid him two thousand dollars a session and he was a scammer you you had a business consultant i'm not helping anyone a success consultant and so it's like you come to me for when you want to give me give me one example of something you would say for somebody to do i've already done it claudia girl with no job she wrote her book i consulted with her i said what'd you say i told her all the secrets of making the new york times list i said hey babe here's what you need to do okay make sure you do

this and this and this and don't forget to do this and don't waste your time on this and this and this and make sure this and then what happened she made the new york times list yeah and we would have made the new york times list the second time if the indie booksellers who i love and admire hadn't screwed up their counts thanks for coming my ted talk this is your success coach that was one of the darkest days of lady gang dude that was insane that was so when i go i don't know when every time i go on the book portal oh god and i see the sales numbers and i know that we completely gave up on lady secrets after that day so i know no one has bought the books after the tour i know we sold more books of lady secrets in the first week than we did of act like a lady

And I will put that on my success. Resume. Consulting. I know what you're saying. So if somebody has a venture and they want to be like, I want to make a successful this. Like Evil Genius Consulting by Kelty. Okay. This, that's actually a really good name.

I love it. Yeah. I love it. You should trademark that before this comes out. Like Becca, you want to, listen, your career is fantastic. You audition, you get things. You want to be a star. I'm going to teach you how.

It's too late for me. but you i wish had success consulted me and when i was 26 right yeah i could have been like here's the nude pictures here's who you need to date well you already had the pictures but you didn't you didn't sit down with diane sawyer to talk about your feelings and had you done that you probably i mean i don't know that maybe not that part but like here's the parties you need to go to here's the three guys we need to date here's like you know the publicity you need to hustle you're like chris jennering people's lives christian i do think that there is maybe you know who you should talk to michael who my publicist who kelty introduced me to and he and by publicist

i mean not at the moment but every time i have a job he's which is few and far between however so he because you need to be linked with a publicity team because i know that they do that as well but their jobs are a little different they're two by the book they're two by the book i think that they need to start yeah i think that like they need to start being like listen we'll get you placement in these things we'll do these things and we'll do these things but to take you to the next level you need to date joe jonas well he's married but like whatever but that's like the thing is like you need to go see this woman it's sort of dirty weird underground shit it's the dark web of hollywood it is the dark there is already a dark web of

hollywood so you could get in there yeah but no you don't want to get in there i will success consultant evil genius consulting yeah i think that's genius the way that you pitched it was weird i want to be smart solutions what'd you say y'all want to consult for smart things products or something idiot she thought it was for my sonos yeah sorry interesting side hustle so weird okay in 10 years i will be needing a facelift yes can we get facelifts at the same time oh my god that would be so fun we should and document it great done i will be needing a organ transplant i'm like i was also thinking about what kind of a medical thing i might be needing in 10 years nothing don't put it out there i don't i don't want to put it out there

knock on the don't put out the medical it'll be a voluntary yeah yeah yeah yeah for sure i will be well my hearing's gone so like what's happening in my life now is that chris chris is like kelty please get your hearing tested i already got my hearing test but i'm gonna tell you something what chris knight yeah along with my friend megan's husband yeah are two men who talk in this in a tone that i cannot yeah he's so quiet but it's not that yes and i agree and sometimes when he's talking on the phone i was like you need to speak out yeah it's very calm and monotone yeah it's And it's like, it's at a, it's at a Richter scale that doesn't register for everyone like a dog.

Yeah. He's like a very ASMR-y type of speaker. That's not the problem. The problem is I can't even hear him walking around the house. So every day, I swear to God, every day he will come around in the kitchen. I know he lives with me. I know he's here. But are you, is it just, but is it cause you're not hearing or you aren't paying attention?

Both. But I don't, have you done a hearing test? Yes. It was garbage. Remember? and he said to take these herbs because your mono and stuff was going on that was all happening but he said you have the hearing of someone who's had in-ear monitors in the ear for 10 years oh so it's not fixable it's not really he was like take these herbs and i was like

because like you know on tv people they have like you have a little tiny bug it looks like a snail they put it right next to your eardrum yeah and do you think it's from that is it one year that's what the the guy said and he had a poster the cheetah girls on the wall so i know is the real deal cheetah girls yeah okay next in 10 years time i will be serious about oh i hope nothing nothing relaxing reading yeah chillaxing chillaxing i'll be serious about chillaxing i'm probably gonna be so i'm gonna be deep into trying to figure out how to make my kid rich that's a good age to start yeah 12 how about you chillaxing i'm gonna have a petting zoo oh um i'm gonna be serious about my outdoorsiness and i'm gonna be serious about like i i can see

myself i'm having a ranch and on my ranch i've already been researching if even if i could do it here but i can't i can't commit right now but i want to have chickens i want to have um some little baby horses. I want to have goats. I could have a donkey. I want to have multiple outdoor cats and dogs. And I just want to like live my life where when I'm not consulting, I'm in the yard working with the animals. Oh, like working with them on like tricks. What are you doing? She has a zoo. No, just being with them or a circus, just my friends. Cause I don't like people, but i need companionship and you do animal therapy works on you and i feel like a mini horse oh have you seen them they're so great have you seen the world's smallest one it died but

it was really cute wow you're gonna have to hire someone to help you i have hired someone to help me in every area of my life you're a modern lady okay last thing the future is calling in 10 years time i will be still in touch with it's a trick question is this supposed to be us as he hits her lady gang yes what age do we change no what age should we stop being friends to the woman gang what age do we go did we transfer to granny gang 80 60 when kelty 60 rude no no i was gonna say since once one of us is a grandma but that's not gonna be for a long time yeah like 30 years well but the problem is is that although the generation behind us is having babies younger it's true they are so

yeah gen z oh yeah they love to have a baby like right away so it's only millennials that are having kids late yeah that's so weird isn't it weird weird it's weird for a real thing yep yeah yep because they're seeing our are so weird yeah we're so weird in like every not not that it's like bad that we're having kids later because obviously i will but like yeah we got screwed we made weird choices you know what you needed you needed a success consultant i know i did you know well i'm actually so i'm i have this confliction in my mind all the time because i have not a word conflict conflict confliction is not a word that's the first conflict oh my god i've had a conflict now that i'm in my consulting area i want to help you she's smart she's smart um so

i'm like what is better having kids early and have our kids later blah blah i think you have to go either very young or very old yeah there's no don't let it fuck with your career in the middle yes you can have your kids like right now one of my good friends had her kids in her early mid-20s she now has teenagers and she's like she's living her second life she's living her second life chapter whatever and she's like still young and hot she still likes to travel and get around and meet people and she's not like a crotchety old woman yet but when my kids a teenager i am going to be indentures and a hip replacement and like done it's a wrap bye good night i'm just telling you that this wig is never going to be crotchety she will be fly forever so you key that's

the key you do one or the other yeah well see you guys in the future see i'm gonna play this episode in 10 years for us no yeah that'll be so fun what if one of us is dead oh my god not me it's not gonna be me because i'm alien bye thanks for listening the lady gang is produced by alex ingber will sterling steve delameter and jared monaco make sure you subscribe rate and review our podcast and if you love it share it with your friends on social media like oh my god i just listened lady gang this episode's are great swipe up to listen and if you really want to which we know you do please follow us on social at kelty at becca at jack vanek and at the lady gang sign up for our newsletter at theladying.com and join our secret Facebook group. It's super fun. See you

next Tuesday.