LadyGang - LG QUICKIE: The LadyGang SPOOKTACULAR!

Episode Date: October 31, 2019

It's Halloween and you know what that means?? Time for costumes, candy, and parties! Let's talk childhood costume memories and debate whether or not this holiday is only for kids. (Hint: It's totally for adults.) Shout out to today's spooky sponsors! Hulu – Go to hulu.com to start your free trial today!  Murad - Get 20% off sitewide and free 3 day shipping by going to murad.com/ladygang and using promo code LADYGANG20.  Stamps – Start your 4 week trial and get free postage plus a free digital scale by going to stamps.com, clicking the microphone button at the top of the homepage, and typing in code LADYGANG.  Thinx – Visit periodbetter.com and use code LADYGANG for $10 off your first pair.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey guys, the following podcast is a Lady Gang Network and Podcast One production, which means it's going to be awesome. It's time for a quickie. Podcast One presents The Lady Gang, The Hollywood Girl Posse, with Lady Gang Quickie. Here's Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. Let's make this quick. This is Halloween, this is Halloween, pumpkins scream in the dead of night. this is halloween this is halloween halloween halloween this is halloween is spooky i hate

this holiday so much i love halloween oh say hello hello hello hello hello hello welcome to the spooktacular the spooktacular lady gang halloween spectacular spooktacular oh my god i'm so terrified i think i just blacked out kelty is literally staring at me while she's okay what is the first halloween costume i remember ever being dressed up in a cowgirl cowgirl hot what grade like third grade or something i remember i was a troll once like with the belly and the jewel yeah well it was when i was like i had a whole it wasn't like i was naked with the jewel you had like a head-to-toe suit yeah and then the other one that i remember from my childhood is i was like a fairy but at the time i was obsessed with michael jackson so

i said that i was a michael jackson princess fairy that's hot no the best thing about being young is that you can hybrid a costume when i was like in fifth grade i just wanted to wear everything that was glitter like i wanted all the makeup plus the princess so i just went as glitter girl and i like had a silver because you know when you got those like 99 cent plastic top hats but They had the glitter on it, and it was like, that was a big deal to get that silver hot because you knew you got to keep it after, and that was going to be so good for all your costumes in the basement later on a random Tuesday, and then I had like glitter pants and it was like part of an old pirate's costume and like, glitter girl.

Glitter girl. Okay, what was your laziest Halloween costume as a child? Like when you're probably too old to be doing Halloween, but you're like, I'll just go as? When I was 16, I went as a- Jack Vanek. Well, basically, I went as a punk rock princess, which is a song of one of my favorite bands. And I basically just dressed like myself and crimped my hair. So that was pretty lazy.

In eighth grade, we're too old to go trick-or-treating, but me and my best friend Katie tried to. And we went as skiers. It's literally snowing in Canada right now. Skiers? Like, skiers. So we wore, like, ski goggles on our toques. Wow. And then just, like, our ski pants and our regular ski jackets and mitts.

And we're like, we're skiers. You're those asshole kids that people are like, why are they still trick-or-treating? Yeah. Like, they're adults. Candy's amazing. You used to get into, like, crazy, like, so much drama when we would trick-or-treat. Get the candy. No, when we'd trick-or-treat and we were too old.

Like, we'd, like, get into egg fights with, like... Oh, shit. Egg fights? Yeah. With, like, rival neighbors. Tell us that story. Damn. Rival schools.

Who brought the eggs? All I remember is one year we were at the neighborhood across the street from the one i grew up in and all of a sudden like my best friend katie had an egg like just that whacked her in the head oh and then we had i don't know some sort of war we got into a lot of trouble dude throwing eggs is dangerous dangerous it is imagine if i hit you in the eye did you guys get wait it's not froshed froshed did you get froshed what's that okay like a freshman yeah like i don't know where the word came from but like when you were in sixth grade going into don't even think that this is the end of the spooky episode this is just a spooky sidebar oh my god do you wow when

you were in sixth grade going to seventh grade the people that were already in junior high school got to frosh you and and then when you were in ninth grade going in tenth grade the people that were already in high school got to frosh so it's like hazing hazing and what they did is they came up to you and they just put egg on your head but ha ha ha jokes on you bitches because guess what's a beautiful hair mask that's true egg and mayonnaise mayonnaise it's so shiny have you ever washed your hair with an egg shine no i would make shine or say actually i think mayonnaise gets rid of lice that's the equivalent of doing like taking my period my diva cup and just rinsing my hair with it no egg is a it's a i don't want to talk about this period i don't talk about this

back it is now when we come back when we come back more spooky tales we get the lady gang okay what are you going for halloween this year jack i know you already have it planned i have a few costumes okay um one so i'm going to visit jared on actual halloween and we're going to be the shining twins right i like this option yeah and then uh me and two my girlfriends are doing hocus pocus oh that's cute yeah and then my who are you sarah sanderson sarah jessica parker i had to take the hot one before somebody else got it yeah that would be It would have been a real bummer if you had gotten either. I got Bette Midler.

Yeah. Well, my friend Anna, who has red hair, is being Bette Midler. And then my friend Alexis got stuck with whatever her name is. I don't remember her name. With the step hair. Yeah. It looks like it has something about Mary come. You snooze, you lose.

And then if I end up going, I'm going to a day dog party. And I'm going to be. Wait, a what? There's a Halloween dog party? That sounds fun. Yeah, Malibu Cafe. I got. I might come.

When is that? On Saturday. I might come. You're 26? No. It'll be the 2nd of December. Oh, it's the week before. Yeah.

It's already passed because today's the 31st. Maybe I should do that. Oh, well, then I went there. Great. I got Callie the best Halloween costume. What? Okay. So, as you guys know, I told you months ago that I've been growing out her paws and that

she was going to go as the Grinch. Yeah. Oh, that's cute. For Halloween. But the problem was is that, A, they don't make Grinch dog costumes. B, it's very hard to make a Grinch dog costume. Why can't you just, like, paint her green? You would, but it's like the same thing of, like, why don't you have a girl with black hair be a blonde?

Like, it's not as easy to get that color on Callie as it would be if she was Orly's color, white. You know what I mean? So I have made a turn, and it still involves the furry feet. She's now going as a tarantula. Oh, that's cute. And so I got her this little backpack. She puts it on, and then it has all the other legs. But wait, when you say going as, does that mean you're going somewhere?

She's just going to dress her up at home and take a picture. You know what? No, this is a legit question. Where are you taking her? You guys are being spooky and evil right now. Where is she going? She's going around the neighborhood to visit the children. Do you have children in your neighborhood?

No way. she's gonna walk around and i'm so excited about her costume you guys are dicks also i recently dropped off if you're like in the new in la in the mood for a last minute costume i just dropped off my entire costume box at the goodwill because i had years of costume i had um one year chris and i went as princess kate and prince william but i went as slutty princess kate the bridal the wedding dress oh but i cut it so it's short okay that seems like a child's idea one year make it what you want it to be how can you make it a slutty kate as a bride it's so weird did anybody guess your costume yes not a child i literally had the princess diana engagement ring on guys

oh it was princess di no it was kate middleton oh she got married i don't know what that is the most average not average but normal the royal the next queen of england she's very normal looking super normal there's nothing like it was perfect i would never even know who she was if she was next to me but what chris is wearing exactly what prince william wore at the wedding and i'm wearing exactly no idea what they wore because you're not a royalist and you're lame and you're spooky okay um you're not that's all and then one year chris and i went as pirates this is the most disappointing thing what so for many years every year on halloween we went to the maroon five christmas halloween party do they not have that anymore i don't know we wouldn't be invited

anyway but what does it maroon five they used to have this like big halloween party at pins oh i thought it was at the hollywood river cemetery i think it's moved around a lot but anyway we went for many many years every year and it was like kind of a bust every year we went they always are everything's a bust everything's a bust so the last year we went we were like are we gonna go and it was literally like 2 p.m and we went to duane reed and we got like the last costume that was available which was like these stupid pirates so i put eyeliner on chris like we looked so dumb we weren't trying i wore a knee-high boot like it was a real bust like i've had way better costumes that was the year that the party was out of control and every person was there

and it was like the most fun ever it was like i was being seen by everyone in this stupid ass pirate costume that's what happens when you don't care and then one year i had a halloween party at my house that jack came to but left at like seven she arrived at six and left at seven we made a appearance because we were at a beer pong competition but that was the year that i was sexy dumb and dumber sexy dumb and dumber sexy anything is the dumbest costume but also it was an emoji party where everyone had to come dressed up as an emoji which was so good but then jack didn't come in as emoji and i still let her in because i'm not spooky you're an idiot okay what's your um do you have any costume stories absolutely not my job is dressing in costumes so like do you

and zach i'm gonna make an effort to do it no ever number one i hate spending money on dumb shit number one a costume is at the top of the list next to a massage at the nail salon it's only five dollars though i don't care it's so bad when she puts that hair clip in my hair and i'm like don't put that yeah i'm like here comes the light you just find like i am not somebody that is cheap and i will spend money on the dumbest things but there are certain things that i just cannot get on board with no one of it halloween costumes no i can't handle spending hundreds of dollars even 50 on something i'm never going to use again second thing massages i have a very hard time justifying a massage because it's like you can't take it with you

you can't wear it you can't eat it it just is cool i mean do you not have these feelings i'm just trying to think if i think that way of anything i love halloween things where i really draw the line car washes i have a really hard time getting a car wash i don't want car washes are not i don't want to spend that's the point sometimes it's not even that it's expensive it's like i'm like i don't want to spend twenty dollars to wash my car you've never dressed up for halloween as an adult uh of course you have maybe twice oh my god what were your costumes do you remember have you and zach ever done i did never he hates a costume too wait what oh my god one time how are we even friends i don't know i love nothing more that's the only way i'll go to a

party is if there's a costume oh my god i hate a themed party so what do you do on halloween you just do like a breakdown you just turn all the lights off and pretend you're cold well first of all we never live anywhere that people trick-or-treat it's always on a weekday i don't think people trick-or-treat usually do they yes what do you think children do i don't know i think it's i felt like it's unsafe the last couple years we've taken our goddaughter like during the early hours and then we go to home so we'll take her out we'll see all the kids stuff because that's really like the cutest part and like we'll have some cocktails we'll sip them along the way we might go back to like our friend's house and like have some pass out some

candy and have drinks but it's usually on like a tuesday so i don't want to go out and rage and also la is the worst place to be on worse it like west hollywood halloween couldn't be worse there it's the parade so you can't get anywhere you can't go home it's you can't get uber i and also when i lived in new york that's really what tainted halloween for me that was like it's freezing cold by then you can't wear anything cute you have to wear a jacket over whatever the you're wearing and you have to be prepared to be standing outside for like eight hours waiting for a cab in the cold needing to pee damn you know what jack i think quebeca's acting like a real witch oh spooky my nightmare is just gonna be you saying spooky over and over

yeah damn i didn't know also when people like freak out over people's costumes they don't mean it what do you mean like i remember one year i was dressed we took so long getting these stupid toddlers and tiara costumes together this was when i lived in new york and like all the broadway theaters like would dress up and whatever you go out and so like we took so long getting these stupid costumes together and then all you do is like walk around and be like oh my god you look amazing no you look amazing oh my god this is genius this is so funny and then you walk away and you're like that wasn't funny or genius or cool like i'm just being polite it's like pleasantries on halloween are the worst damn spooky i am like the grinch you are it's like i didn't even know

No, I'm actually in my head thinking of a spinoff. It's just called Things Becca Hates. I don't like it when adults take things that are meant for children. Christmas. Don't get adults presents for Christmas. No. Santa Claus is not for adults. Halloween, not for adults.

Not with that attitude. I like it. I don't like it. I think it's great. I don't like it. You know what else I like? Disney, not for adults. I agree with that.

Actually, I love Disney, but I would never wear mouse ears, okay? Because it's for kids. Okay. but then also like what do you think about dressing up in a costume when it's a non-costume day because like i went to the britney spears concert and we all wore britney costumes it's probably the most i've had my life you were my costume i wear your which is i think my favorite halloween costume i've ever had with the worst person ever but it was genius the denim britney denim on denim brady i put so much effort into that genius you know how many people do that

but i did it's true i went to i went to heidi klum's halloween party in your costume i'm not think it's original i just think it was executed amazing no the execution was amazing but i went to the heidi cleum halloween party in new york in that costume and made my producer wear the boy costume yeah i borrowed it again after that over halloween i wore it twice oh wow i wore it to the britney show no i gave it back to you but anyway and then i went and i thought i was so cool and then some bitch showed up in the exact same costume and it was a girl you know vanessa ray yeah she came in the same denim britney and her boyfriend or lover whoever was the denim justin and i was like and then i and then literally in my head i thought this is

my chance to be famous because we took pictures on the red carpet and like yes the costume was amazing jack but like when you get double britney and double denim justin we took pictures the four of us i was like this is definitely going in us weekly you're going is she famous she's an actress She's on Blue Bloods. Oh, so did you think you were going to go viral? Yeah. Double denim, double trouble. Double Britney, double trouble, toil and trouble.

Vanessa Rae and her famous friend. And what? You were disappointed? Shocker. The theme of Halloween. She thought it was her shot to be famous, and it crashed and burned. It did. But that was a great costume.

Yeah, it's a good one. It was so excellent. So, well, happy Halloween, everyone. To all the girls and girls out there. I hope your kids have the best time ever. Okay, last thing Becca's a f***ing hater, go have fun Last thing, what's your favorite Halloween candy?

Like, were you a sweets? Were you a full-size chocolate bar? Did you want a toothbrush? I like chocolate I only like chocolate candy I don't really like Halloween candy that much Maybe a Snickers? Speaking of, I'm going to go get some candy

Are we done? Okay, we are done And it's been so smooth Shut up Hold on to your bones, kid See you next I haven't been here for a long time But I've been here for a good time

I'm dead Thanks for listening And make sure to rate and review this podcast Wherever you get your podcasts We have new episodes of Lady Gang every Tuesday and Thursday Follow us on social media at TheLadyGang. Follow us personally at Kelty, most importantly, at Becca, and at Jack Vanek. And we will see you next Tuesday.

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