LadyGang - LG QUICKIE: The Look of Our Lives After Quarantine

Episode Date: April 30, 2020

What are we discovering during our current state of quarantine? What TV are you watching? Listen to Your Heart is pretty great. But children are dancing inappropriately on Tik Tok! Plus, some inspirational quotes and questions! Shout out to Ritual for sponsoring this episode. Get 10% off during your first 3 months at ritual.com/ladygang.   See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

it's time for a quickie podcast one presents the lady gang the hollywood girl posse with lady gang quickie here's kelty knight becca tobin and jack vanek let's make this quick hello hello hello and welcome to the lady gang quickie i am becca here with jack and kelty oh my god it's just it's like it's our emotional joy to keep the lady gang happy and engaged during this tumultuous time and like i'm out i have nothing left to give you it's only the top of the show because we also took more time to set up uh this podcast we are so challenged let's not get into it anymore because they're sick of hearing about it so boring we're done we're all on and happy quickie thursday everybody this has got to be the best quick we've ever done because it's

got to be worth it ha ha ha i want to make you laugh i want to entertain you oh my god wow you you really turned it up kelty you're ready to go much bigger too much bigger honestly that's great it's what that's great what are we doing today kelty we're doing so many things today but you know what we need is an inspirational quote i'm no you need to stop eating i know you told me every time last time was slurping now it's eating i know she's she can't help herself what are you even eating at least i'm not smoking cigarettes actually we'd prefer that because you can't really hear that also what a random thing to say if i saw you smoking a cigarette i'd be like it's it that's it it's over she's getting locked up in an institution have you

ever smoked cigarettes before yeah of course when did you smoke cigarettes when you dated ryan ross oh god no like oh like probably when i was like 14 wait kelty can we talk about really quick okay there's that new bachelor show listen to your heart that we've talked about as you know in the lady gang there is a contestant on listen to your heart that looks exactly like ryan ross via 2003 to the t exactly a cleft chin can't grow facial hair a giant eyeball a bulbous nose i mean it is it is and like a it's the same swoopy hair like a greasy is it greasy or you naturally oily shiny like we don't know and then also like a brooding selfie with weird lighting and a leather jacket that's too big for his scrawny body it's so many things um and then i

went on well i am excited because i'm an early adopter of what's the guy's name russell or something yeah i'm an early adopter of russell because i've already commented on his posts and he has 1700 followers right now and i feel like once listen to your heart begins he's gonna rocket to million bachelor nation fans and i will be one of the first um fans that's really weird because i i actually watched the show last night and he is not i don't think one of the ones that's gonna make it so he's probably gonna stay at 1700 fans and you'll be you'll be one of the few becca can you hear us yeah i just have literally no interest in what you're talking about i posted on instagram a preview of listen to your heart and i said i'd

rather be forced to watch my parents fornicate so that's how i feel about listen to your heart i am cautiously optimistic and but i also love well here's what was the difference jack and i talking about it we're like yeah like back in 2003 we would have totally tried to sleep with him but then we're like no he's 30s like it's just not cute when you're 30s it's cute when you're 20s he's definitely our age he's our age you guys this whole thing is so stupid because here's the problem the wrench in the whole plan we're already in the regular bachelor questioning people's reasons for being there if it's fame so then if you have a bunch of aspiring musicians getting on a show where they know they're going to be playing their music and also quote finding love

is the goal like the jig is up abc they're here to be famous maybe they'll fuck around with each other and get fingered every now and then but their goal is to just be famous so you gave them a platform it is very true and i talked about that last night with my parents but it's still i kind of love it until they fucking start playing music i hate listening to people just break out into a song or dance and then there's nothing more annoying than two musicians who date each other and sing together which is the premise of the show however i'll still watch it because i love anything bachelor but it's it's honestly the present or the premise of the show is everything that i hate when have you ever been anywhere where people break out into dance

honestly nowhere but i think it's just the thought of it but no i've never been at a party i've never been at a party tap shoes like how the guys just bring out their guitars to play dave matthews band like jack comes into the living room he's like you guys want to hear you want to hear a little ditty i didn't mean the dance part but this but people i've been at so many parties where somebody just picks up a guitar and starts singing we know that that's my worst nightmare is a jam sesh and then especially you know two people that like have some sort of sexual chemistry i'm like i don't want to see the shit that's going on in your brains the dirty thoughts while you're

singing to each other it's gross i just have one more thought in 2001 when river dance was really big do you remember when river dance like pulled the wool over everyone's eyes and made us believe that irish dancing was sexual i never believed that i have never even thought what was that guy robbie robbie flanagan what the fuck was his name i know the lead guy yeah a high cuban pant an irish jig shoe a like a rambo hair tie and he was like river dance michael flatley michael was his name flat stanley why did you say robbie flanagan but do you remember when everyone was like you know what i need to do pay 350 to go see river dance yeah people used to go see that bullshit

it can you imagine if you were like trend it was like i mean it's like going to see the rockettes but it's like hot guys at least but the rockettes are like a christmas tradition that you know you go once a year like yes it's cheesy and tap dancing but anyway what i was thinking is can you imagine like patrick flanagan being like in college and being like some guys like crash into me yeah and everyone's like oh my god jeff you're so great and then michael flatley's like you want to see something else i would actually like that that's not better than i would be into i'd rather do that than crash into me a reverence to crash into me a nice mashup if you will oh my god kill me you should start we should start combusting into dance in regular places

no but just so i hate flash solo like i'm just i'm in well i don't go anywhere now but back when i'm into the real world i'll just be like here i am picking a tomato out and then it's pure wet and throw that's actually my biggest nightmare is just i think that's what singular person me breaking out into a dance guys there's someone i follow on instagram whose daughter's been doing a lot of tiktok and she's the daughter is less than 10 years old i want to say like eight nine maybe 10 and she's doing these dances and sticking her tongue out in a sexual manner and it's dude terrifying well i wonder like the tongue out while dancing i don't care who you are i don't even want to see usher stick his tongue out while dancing certainly not you know that there's that

one dance it's like the kesha dance and that everybody's the something stirring your tea is the lyrics but the end of this dance that all of these 12 year olds are doing it ends with them saying i'll suck your dick but then it's a bunch of preteens doing this dance about sucking a dude's dick and i don't understand and maybe it's the same kind of thing when we used to dance in junior high to like really raunchy lyrics that we never really understood you didn't understand it no but as an adult now understanding these lyrics oh my god and here's my issue with it when i was grinding up on boys when i was 13 and like really just backing it up into them there was no camera where some nasty 40 year old man in wisconsin could be sitting in his cabin jerking off watching

me grind up on these boys that's every time i think about that and i see a pre-teen dancing i'm like dude this is that anybody in the world all these things oh it's terrifying the risk that i ran was the creepy nasty guy mr felice who he ran a fellowship of christian athletes and he would stand there watching us grind up under these boys and thinking inappropriate thoughts but that was just one man yeah now it's just it opens it up to everybody every freak on the internet i'm like mom mom come in the backyard my mic is like fine mom mom come in the backyard i've made a production come come and it's like let's talk about sex baby let's talk about you that was like the song back then remember no yeah no that was not my song hey hey mr wanna

have pep because i want to have sex get mark get mark on your one get to lick my balls i just remembered the sweat burns down my balls song that was our song the window to the wall From the window to the wall. Yeah. The slipknot's in my balls. Yeah. It's disgusting. The cock is f***ed up.

It's f***ed up. Anyway. We love it. I love it. Okay. So I thought we should have an inspiration. Well, when we come back, an inspirational quote. The Lady Gang.

And we're back. Okay. I have been collecting these because we need inspiration right now. Okay. Are you ready? Oh, this one's so deep. maybe right now your journey isn't about love hold on uh okay maybe right now your journey isn't about love maybe maybe right now your journey is about being alone maybe this is the season you

are being challenged to learn how to wake up in the middle of a bed to finally find hope in the vacancy hope in the quiet hope in the way you stretch into your life and give yourself permission going to take up space within it. Maybe right now you are being shown that you can take care of yourself and that you can depend on the person you have become, that you can be your own home no matter what comes your way. Oh, wow. Sounds awful. Is this a quote somebody wrote for this situation or is this you're just applying it to this situation? I'm applying it to this situation. Oh, okay. What's the first activity that you're going to do when you get out of quarantine go to a restaurant for dinner yeah i need to go to a bar bar restaurant yeah oh my god

it's sit at a bar order a drink have a conversation with somebody i haven't been living where kelsey you didn't even go to restaurants before this what are you gonna do i know you didn't do anything before this i know my life's gonna look exactly the same the only thing that you did before this that you went out to is home depot and it's pretty much i think still open i think you can still go to home depot um but now i'm on my renovation so i'm i'm not really i mean i have like three to four planters in my backyard that don't have plants in them yet so i would love to go to a nursery and get some plants for the summer um but i'll probably mostly still be in my house i think chris is not in love with me anymore i think he's like because i i think that

i think that we've now spent the most time we've ever spent together in our whole relationship and he was like wait so you this is how you always look it's so weird to me that you still think about like that that you still think about the way that chris thinks you look i know you it's not like you're always made up no and also i think after being married that long he's seen you he knows what you look like he's fully aware he could probably close his eyes and picture you dressed up dressed down looking good looking bad it's not like you're one of you're not like a mrs mazel that wakes up two hours before he wakes up and does your makeup yeah you make sure you look perfectly like picture perfect every day yeah like yeah but it's been so many days in a row

of like this rash I have in my armpit but are you showing him that that's also part of it I'm not sharing with Zach the nitty-gritty details of my life like how I've been taking hair growth gummies that are also giving me so much leg hair and and vagina hair but I'm not telling him that part because i want to keep the spark you know i did it just i did just show jared my nipple hairs close up for the first time don't do that revelation a revelation uh i did afterwards but i never realized when you really look close you have a lot more than the one that you think you have yeah or at least i do stop doing those things you guys like keep it keep it sexy is your sexual is your sex life better during quarantine or worse mine's the same because yeah it's like

it's the same jack well she's at her parents house oh can they hear you right now oh yeah your parents oh my god it's been uh we've had to get creative you know she's like meet me in the bathroom meet me in the pantry like on summer house they meet each other in the pantry to hook up you know what i want to do take out the trash and take down sex in the pantry and they get their sexual juices all over the food people are going to eat yeah yeah but the pantry items are in

boxes like it's not like you're touching those do you guys notice now those things with your hands do you guys now notice in tv and commercials all the things that people touch and how you're like i wonder if i'll ever be able to do that again oh my god someone a set of keys something as simple as that i'm like never any any show that i watch that people are like anywhere like in a cafe and a bar like with anybody i'm like whoa i was like this feels weird i was driving the other day and i passed the britney spears in the zone that we went to jack so bad for them i felt i was thinking we are really lucky we we dodged corona that day because we definitely that's where you contract it there was a lot of that that is a place that a lot of people are going coming and touching and

touching and touching we did make a really good point not to touch anything when we were there we didn't do any of the of the ball things oh i think i think that i'm starved for touch because i've had so many different men touching me all day like what like your microphone it's like the microphone the light the you know like people are always at me all day and now no one's at me so i'm just at chris i've like changed like yesterday i was like can you just hug me for like five minutes i will say it was nice i will say at least you have somebody that can hug you that's true that is true i hope the ladies yourself you strong women but yeah it was nice what you just said basically says you can't so i could try idiot when you're alone okay well i listen i i never

thought i would say this no i always knew i'd say this but i i really i really i really miss you guys like i really miss you and i'm filled with joy for when we'll be together again i like just can't wait for us to be like in our little studio like taking the piss out of each other and like i've really you guys are my special friends we are special friend i know this sucks hang in there lady gang we're almost through it we're almost through are we doing the right thing we don't know you know what not with that attitude and um realist we weren't here for a long time we weren't even here for that good of a time but thanks for sticking with us and we'll see you next week we love you guys bye don't touch anything bye love ya thanks for listening and

make sure to rate and review this podcast wherever you get your podcast we have new episodes of lady gang every tuesday and thursday follow us on social media at the lady gang uh follow us personally at kelty most importantly at becca and at jack banik the lady gang network is produced by will sterling steve delamater kirsten woodward and elizabeth baquet thanks for rating and reviewing wherever you get your podcasts and tune in for new episodes every single week.