LadyGang - LG QUICKIE: The Worst Day

Episode Date: April 11, 2024

Have you ever had one of those days when everything goes wrong? There's a reason Keltie's husband calls her 10% Keltie. Check out our amazing sponsors!! LadyGang is sponsored by BetterHelp! Visit BetterHelp.com/ladygang to get 10% off your first month! Sono Bello: Schedule your free consultation and learn more about micro laser fat removal at SonoBello.com/ladygang  Huggies: Get your baby’s butt into Huggies best fitting diaper! Huggies Little Movers. We got you, baby!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

At Cox, your internet and mobile price won't change for five years. That's five New Year's celebrations, five Valentine's Days, five Fourth of Julys, five Halloweens, five Thanksgivings, and five summers that go by too fast. Through it all, your price stays the same with our five-year price lock guarantee. Cox, a step ahead. Requires two gig speeds and gig unlimited mobile. Taxes and fees excluded from price lock. Mobile data speeds reduced after 20 gigs.

it's time for a quickie podcast one presents the lady gang the hollywood girl posse with lady gang quickie here's kelty knight becca tobin and jack vanek let's make this quick hello hello hello welcome to lady gang quickie i am back here with jack and kelty hello okay this episode of lady gang is called the worst day ever and i am going to just you guys think about yours i have actually taken notes because i have to tell you a story about what it's like to be inside the tornado of kelty great i'm not gonna be able to think of one so okay i have written this the whole thing down you wrote the whole thing down yeah this is the day that i had last thursday i want everyone to know okay here we go yes it's story time first of all why did

were you preparing this as an episode what i was trying to snack i was preparing this because i wanted to tell you about it because I just wanted, so here I'm going to call this episode 10% Kelty. Okay. There, I love that you leaned back. Um, okay. So my husband, Chris, he calls me 10% Kelty. I've talked about this before, but I'll just read if you're new here, I'm 10% Kelty because he believes that I am such a tornado in life that by my own tornado-ness, I make everything 10% harder. And by that, I mean, if the plane is going to be delayed, it's my plane. If the hair bleach is going to turn your hair green, it's my bleach. If I'm going to have an allergic reaction to the medication that really they say you're allergic to the sun, but no one in the history

of time has ever been allergic to the sun. It's going to be me. If I'm going to verbally fart in someone's face, the verbal fart will come from Kelty. Like I, you know, whatever it is, I'm the tornado. 10% Kelty had an iconic few weeks. So first of all, I need to renew my passport. I'm organized this year. 2024 is the year of me getting my organization together. So I looked at my passport and I was like, Ooh, there's some places that I might want to go this summer where you need six months of clearance on your passport. So even though she does not expire until November 2024, I was proactively like it's time. So what did I do? I looked up how to renew your passport. It's been 10 years in Canada. I asked my friend Dwayne, who's Canadian. And I was like, how do

you do your passport? And he goes, Oh my God, it's so easy. Kelty go to this website, do the form, send it to Canada. You'll have a new passport in 10 days. And I'm like, great. That sounds fantastic. And so I go to Canada.gov or whatever it is. I fill out all the paperwork. I check it twice. Cause I'm so nice. I signed the papers where I need to sign them. I'm like, okay, no, I crushed it. I looked, I printed out the instructions on the photo. I drove myself to the postal annex near in Sherman Oaks where I get, where you can get post passport tick. Now, passport photos in Canada are different shape than America. If I had skimmed, I would have that up, but I didn't skim. I paid attention. Wow. I went and we measured it with a ruler. I got the right

size photo. I was so proud of myself. I put it in a Manala envelope. I put a post-it note on it. to Derek. And I said, this needs to be overnight FedEx courier style with signature, just the way they said it to Gatineau, Ontario, where the passport office is. I need a tracking number. Great. I send it in. I hear nothing. It's been three weeks. No passport has been returned to me. Like, okay. I'm at the SAG awards. My phone rings, caller ID. And I was like, okay, well, it's either hospital or it's like the government. Cause like who mine normally says scam. it's a lady i'm literally walking to the red carpet on the phone taking notes sorry um she's like hey there were terrible storms and your passport application has arrived but it is

damaged 10 it has been damaged by the rain oh also i want to mention i had said on my passport application please return my passport because now it's memories yeah it's honeymoon it's marriage the stamps the visas like i love that kind of shit you know so they're like your your passport is completely ruined completely ruined in the rain are we not making this out of baby's breath leather at this point like also canada you know your weather gets crazy i'm yeah should these things be protected a little bit better now i'm mad because i'm like well if i'd really thought about i would have put it in a ziploc bag i just had papers out papers in a manila envelope what a idiot i am that's not smart well no it's not smart thank you thank you i would have okay i

would have done that anyway forgotten the plastic bag so they're like it's um so basically you need to send in this new form and put this file number on it you need to fax it to us and it'll be fine it just says like i know i have a damaged passport i am who i say i am return yeah so i get that form I print it out. I say to Derek, take this to Staples, fax it. He calls me two hours later. And he's like, I've been standing here for two hours. This number will not accept faxes. So then I spend, I'm going to go faster. Sorry. I know this is so boring. I sent, I spent two hours trying to figure out what the fax is. So here's neither one of us said, no, no. You're like, no, it is. Okay. So here, here's where my bad day happened. Here's where my bad

day happened. I call my friend again. I said, my passport is lost. I can't travel. I can't, was something happening? She's looking, where are we? You're literally, you have till November. No, listen, I was just trying to look at, well, listen to me. Listen, okay. So here's my bad day. I get up in the morning. I call my friend. He's like, just go down to the consulate. And I was like, okay. I was like, do I need an appointment? He says, no. Great. I take, it's my day off. I take an Uber downtown. I get to the consulate. No, no, no. Not since COVID you need an appointment. And I said, okay, great. He's like, but I'm going to call up there for you. And I was like, awesome. and then they go um but i can't for an hour and a half it's lunch so i'm sit there in the lobby i

had a cry for an hour and a half waiting for them to get back then i realized that i was like you know what it i'm just gonna uber home i gotta figure this out a different way so i uber home i got my car i'm going to an ipl facial okay i had a facial that afternoon i was like it i'm going to get a mcflurry okay like it i know she's reading she goes no i know i want to get a i took too long on the top part i know i just need to give a backstory so this day i wake up it's my only day off it's award season i'm busy i take the uber downtown which i hate downtown they're like it's closed but i get the mcflurry i get in line at mcdonald's for the mcflurry i get to the thing what's happened the mcflurry machine is broken have you seen the videos of why

their their ice cream machines are always broken maggots oh my god crawling let me find this for you okay well I'm glad I didn't get my McFlurry that day I go to get the IPL and when I leave to get out of the parking structure the parking machine is broken and it ate my credit card and it wouldn't spit it out so I'm sitting there for 15 minutes trying to figure out how this machine I press the help button they're like finally after a thousand rings they're like hello I'm like it ate my card he's like I'm coming 15 minutes later I by all means move at a glacial pace I have nowhere to be people start lining up and back you a hundred percent there's one exit finally they come i get the card i went home everything i still don't have a passport if you work at passport

canada your phone line sucks i called i stayed on hold for three hours i was still number 34 in line becca's looking for maggots i'm never eating a mcflurry again i can't travel i can't eat a mcflurry i can't get out of the pay station i can't have nice things i don't know why life is so hard for me I just want it not to be 10% healthy life also in the ketchup dispensers at places they have found maggots in you know those large ones that you just pump and pump and pump it's really where they this is why I don't eat out here you go tell us there's just a bunch of videos of maggots see this is I think they probably don't clean it ignorance is bliss I don't want to know. A hundred percent. And you know what? Maggots have a lot of protein in them. That's

what I'm saying. Yeah. If I can't have that beef, the good beef, I'm going to have a maggot. Probably be good for your iron levels. My iron levels. I could really use a maggot. Although bugs, bugs do have great protein, right? This might be. Yeah, that's what they eat on a river. It's a lie, it's AI. Well, I don't want to stand behind this statement because I, I just. I know, I love McDonald's. Yeah. I do too. And I don't want anybody to be worried. Speaking of McDonald's, I did find a new love of Carl's Jr. You know, they have a beyond burger that will rock your world and secondly i love their star chicken beyond whopper at burger king will whop your world oh wow they should use that i'm gonna whop your world

your world lady gang yeah the beyond your world sleep on it even if you're a meat eater i i'm telling you the beyond whopper so i saw something on team move the other day that i really wanted to order for jack and i but maybe i'll get it as a trio gift for christmas since i always give you guys a christmas gift and you don't give me a christmas gift because gift giving is not your love language no it is no it's fine oh you just don't give me one what did you give us last year i always get you something i got you she got us you don't remember what i got you got me chapstick let's relax i got you chapstick you got me that really shitty ornament it's not shitty yes that's a beautiful glass blown ornament to celebrate your marriage i saw the price tag it was like four

dollars it's not the price it's the thought she got a chapstick is it not your favorite chapstick on the world wonderful chapstick it is dahlia yeah it shows you i'm listening and you love you love a collectible memento you make children's books for your love you have a doll of jared okay yo that's why i do love gift giving and you love christmas ornaments no i know i will put it on my tree when i have a tree take that back it does this quality shitty it doesn't matter is it i'm not gonna say where it's from but like it's shitty well have you i mean i'm sorry jack how sorry mrs claus how high quality do you need your christmas ornaments no the way that you're describing feel better my chapstick is available at all like barbecues no you're she's describing

it like it's one of those like 60 glass blown ornaments well it's five dollars so which is fine well you know what you're getting nothing anyway what was i saying about i'm gonna get you gift oh yeah christmas gift from tino it's sick so what it is is you know how you can have those air fresheners that like plug into the vents yeah it's a sauce holder for barbecue sauce no it goes i literally when i was a kid was gonna invent these like i feel like this was my idea that somebody took yeah is that like a collective like thing that we all thought we're gonna invent we were all just trying to find places for our sauces in the car yeah there's no place for my sauce there's no place for a sauce and then you're eating the fries so fast because you're driving

or you're like trying to drive somewhere and the sauce is like in the cup holder but then if you're me and you get a diet coke and a mcflurry there are no more cup holders where do you put the sauce no that is smart you know so funny so derrick my new assistant he drives like a ford focus or something love it he's great but like he drives me everywhere like i'm not driving anywhere anymore basically and it's like a red car he brought it from maine when he moved and he just looks at me the other day he goes you know what i like about working for you and i was like what he's like i've been driving around in this shitty 15 year old Ford focus for like weeks now. And you don't seem to be embarrassed at all. And I was like, no, not at all. And then he was like, and honestly,

your car's kind of shitty too. Yeah, it's not. He's like, it's just a little bit of a tinker toy because it's an EV and he's never seen an electric vehicle before ever. Well, they don't have them in Maine. They have too harsh of a winter. If I was not married to Zach, who cares about cars i think i would drive something who cares that i didn't care about no we already know how i feel about the car parts i think they're stupid i think they're too expensive and so i should drive something like a ford focus jared has a nissan sentra and he's like i'm never getting rid of it yeah he still drives that yeah i've never seen him drive a car because he drives your car he drives my car because i would rather be in the jeep

the jeep is me and i am the jeep you know i can't be in a nissan it reminds me of this family that we grew up with down the street my sister was really good friends with the daughter and they had a really modest house and the dad drove a car that they would joke was like older than him it was so we all just kind of were like oh that's funny that's mr marshall he's just like whatever come to find out the guy was worth millions of dollars and he never he refused to buy a new house in a new car he's like bernie sanders exactly since making his fortune and it's just so crazy to me that that is probably a lot of people around our country yeah they just don't feel like they need the car they don't need the house they just are just living and

sleeping on their piles of money it's like larry david he drives or he drove uh oh my god uh we're the original electric a prius yes a prius it was sexy to drive a p it was it was which is why i got mine ultimate influencer oh leo he's the reason you got it my first prius i was like no this is a cool car to have in la because not not cool but i was like it was like the first electric vehicle yeah and you're like well leo had one you know that was the first of and the last of cars where you like didn't have to worry about spending a lot of money to have a status symbol yeah it was cool it wasn't embarrassing yeah to drive a prius in any circle of people yeah in la because people like leo yeah not that it's an embarrassing car but

but a car of that price range would not be something you'd be okay pulling up to the chateau and balleting yeah but that one car you were fine with can i tell you a car story well i just have a question about the chateau is it like having a renaissance well it's a it's the last time i was there which was probably six months ago it's a private club now oh because like i've seen the miley cyrus of it all she's like performing at chateau marmont like every day i think it's because it's exclusive more exclusive now like paid or like you need to know somebody probably both where you have to be invited and you have It's like the magic castle.

Or like you have to be staying there or something. Interesting. Okay. Lady Gang is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash ladygang today to get 10% off your first month. Everybody has a social battery, and oftentimes we can spread ourselves very thin. As you know, the Kelty's of the group, we're not the Jacks. Being around people kind of exhausts us.

Everyone's different, so what's the right amount of time for social time for you? Do you recharge like Jack being around a lot of people, or does it kind of suck the life out of you? Better Help Online Therapy can give you the self-awareness to build a social life that doesn't drain your battery. Remember, therapy is not just for people who've been through major trauma. It's anyone that's learning better coping skills, how to set boundaries, or just how to recharge your social battery. If you're thinking of starting therapy, Better Help is such a great place to start. It's entirely online. It's designed to be completely convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. It's also easy to switch therapists, so as we know, it takes a few therapists until you find, like, maybe your match.

So find your social sweet spot with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash ladygang today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash ladygang. Ladygang is sponsored by Sonobello. We are definitely a group that, you know, we always go on these health journeys every year for whatever your fitness or body goals are, and we sort of fall off by this time in the spring. And we just want to tell you that the average dieter will try 162 different diets in their

lifetime. And most of those diets really fail unless you do long-term changes to your health, your diet, your workouts, and what you're doing. And so we want to talk to you about micro laser fat removal. It's a very cool way to permanently lose unwanted fat and inches when you visit Sonobello. Wherever you have that stubborn fat that you just, no matter what you do, can't get rid of your tummy, your sides, your thighs, your arms. If you are feeling like I'm done everything, I've put the work in and I'm not feeling this, it can go away permanently in one visit. They have modern techniques that can really give you a full body reset schedule your free consultation and learn more about the micro laser fat removal sono bello is running a great special right now visit

sono bello.com slash lady gang that's sono bello.com slash lady gang eating well shouldn't be complicated but somehow it turns into recipes prep cleanup and half your sunday gone factor solves all that these are fresh ready to eat meals designed by dieticians delivered to your door and ready in just minutes no prep no cleanup no excuses and it's not just about convenience you're getting real food balanced nutrition and zero artificial stuff meals that help you stay on track for all of your goals without the grind of doing it all yourself grilled chicken roasted veggies steak plates pasta bowls they taste like something you'd get in a restaurant but they come out of your microwave in two minutes flat if time cost or effort have been holding you back from

eating better factor just took those off the table right now get up to 90 off and free shipping hurry this offer won't last long go to factor meals.ca and use code reset that's up to 90 off and free shipping but only with the code reset at factor meals.ca factor canada's number one meal delivery service the lady gang okay so the other day i picked up carmella who is my like niece through best friend and um she's six now and she's sassy little devil and we're driving in the car and you know i put on disney hits because she doesn't like matt nathanson obviously and i was like putting her on and i was like disney i was like oh you know this one and she goes she sighs she goes you know and i said what and i turn it down and she goes listen i love disney

no she's like i like disney but i love bad bunny now oh well her mother her mother is a musician she has better taste i know i'd expect more than disney it was hilarious when she goes i love bad bunny now and i was like okay and that's the pipeline that kids go through one also i'm like you don't speak spanish like you don't know what any of these no one cares it didn't matter he's got some hits though the other one then i came to my house i brought her to the house she's playing with the dog and we're hanging out and she goes down. So my closet, when you go into my closet, it kind of goes off, it's under the stairs. So it's sort of like a non-space that's been turned into a closet and you kind of go in the back and there's like shoe area, but it start, there's like

a little cave area that's like two feet tall, like, you know, whatever. She walks in the closet and she's like, she goes to me and she goes, you know, I am really good at cleaning and organizing oh and you need me because it's a mess in here oh did you let her do it and then she wanted to start cleaning my closet i was like we can i have a craft ready to do with you she didn't do it that time it was it was just like i can't wait for ford like to get a little older i mean to see the quirks well little girls are just funnier yeah she's so hilarious like the way she says things like i'm really good at cleaning and organizing and then i just i'm like writing christine i'm like this is your child yeah this your ocd is genetically been passed down to

carmella yeah and then we go and then i was like you're in trouble because i took her to claire's i was just i took her um her mom was out of town and i was like she needs like a lady night you know so we went around everywhere so we go to claire's we go to the mall and i was like let's go to the mall and i'm like look at claire's and i was like she's like okay i'll take a basket and then you'll just get me anything that goes in the basket and I was like I was like this is fair yeah I was like I'll take a basket too and then she looks at me and she goes oh I love your earrings and I was like yeah she's like uh let's get my ear pierced and I was like no oh my god the manipulation is like insane and she's like let's get my ear pierced and I was like your

ears are pierced and she's like no I need another one like you and I was like well I'd have to ask your mom and she's out of town she's like call me dad and I was like no karma I was like karma we'll come back with your mom one day when you can have it she goes no call my dad and I was like okay karma she knows I'm scared of her she's like no FaceTime him I was like god okay so I text him this is so crazy I text him before and I was like Paul about to FaceTime you say no I know it's a no because I didn't want him to think that like I was okay with her getting a third earring or second earring hole i'm texting and she goes are you texting him first she knew oh my god i love it and i said no lie on to you oh my god i was like so smart you're so smart so anyway he was

like um carm we need to ask and she's like but but and i was like let's get an ear cuff so we got an ear cuff she wore it she won a bandana we went home she came to me in a cute outfit she went home with a bandana like slash red tied around her head with her bangs smushed her head and an ear like an ear cuff up here that was a good idea I was like ear cuffs yeah she's like great and so anyway so cute but like so funny she's so funny and I'm so glad that I have this time with her and that we're close enough where she's like just waiting for me at the fence and can just like hop in my car it's like I'm not having kids but like it really is the best to be the cool aunt because I just pick her up she is annoyed about my music and the call my dad I want an ear piercing I don't

have to be the one to tell her no I'm like just now she wants gonna want that earring ear cuff every day but man she was like I'm just gonna take this basket and you'll just get me everything that I put in there right every time oh no wait hold on I have one more I'm so sorry so then we're in Claire's and I'm like what about this I'm picking out the colorful like kid stuff and she goes oh no no i only wear black and i was like oh okay christina's daughter for sure christina's daughter for then we're in the house later i can't believe i didn't tell you this we're in the house later she's petting callie she's on my little little seating area in the house and she goes you know callie could be my dog and i go oh yeah well yeah and she goes because she goes with my aesthetic

black i love her queen every time i'm around boys and girls of this age this is when it becomes so apparent your christina's that it is it is so crazy that there are more men running the country than women oh because when you see a six-year-old boy and a six-year-old girl you're like i wouldn't trust that kid to take my garbage out with the little boy with the little girl i'm like i could leave her home for three months she would survive she'd get whatever she wanted she would figure it out boys are the less superior species and that is true coming from a boy mom it's true there's a beauty there's a beauty to the simplicity of their little brains yeah i freaking love it and i'm going to be really happy when he's a teenager and all the girls are being mean to their moms and

he's still going to tell me i'm beautiful yeah but it's crazy to me that somehow we did not figure out how to run the world because they've been keeping us down and physically they have actually up until literally with like every means possible it's just the fact that they're just larger literally making laws right now so our embryos are yeah i know by design easy well i've said this many times i don't know if i've said it on this podcast but like we literally physically do not need men no to survive well we need their sperm we could get a lot of sperm let's bank that let them all die out and then we could just well we'd have trouble with like inbreeding you know no you'd run out with ai you can get like carmella thousands of sperm from each

little jo like you'd be fine but how do we go about doing that okay you know what i'm taking it too far this is actually my roman empire thinking about how easy it would be to just get rid of men and just live happily as women it would be so easy when that clip goes viral on instagram i mean there are a few things that wouldn't go right in my life personally but i'd have to learn new skills or find women that knew the skills no there's many women out there that know all the skills of men it's true you don't need them for anything actually right now mostly mostly women of our especially millennial women are doing the jobs in the house that the men used to do men don't know how to fix things anymore i mean our use chris doesn't our guys do they're

generation. Lots of men don't know how to like change a tire, fix something that fell off the wall. No. And when we lose the internet and we lose the cell towers, we're just going to need skills. We're just going to need skill, people skills, emotional intelligence, but like without men, we wouldn't be scared of being murdered. I'll tell you this, just to wrap this episode up. I 100% believe that men are running the passport Canada office. I just want to like wrap it up. letting you know this system where you're running every office where you're only accepting faxes faxes in the year 2024 that's a man's world yeah thank you for coming my ted talk we weren't here for a long time we're here for a good time yeehaw baby fight the patriarchy thank you so much for

listening the lady gang is produced by steve delameter stacy para jared monaco and social support from Amy Ryerson. It really means the world to us when you show up in our community outside the podcast. So sign up for our secret Facebook group. Just search The Lady Gang under groups. Follow us on Instagram and TikTok at The Lady Gang. And the most important thing you can do is share this episode with a friend. We would love that so much. Thanks for listening. She talks about where to find a deal. You know, if you sell me something on Instagram, I buy it. Whoever markets to me does a fabulous job.

She talks about the economy. We used to joke that'll be the thing to send them to therapy. Okay, we're creating jobs. Can we look at it that way? She talks about parenting. These kids want to come home. They don't want to leave. They don't want to drive.

They want to stay in the womb. Let's talk with Heather Dubrow every Thursday on Podcast One or wherever you get your podcasts. hi i'm barbara aka your nursing educator on instagram i'm a registered nurse and i make content that's all about helping nursing students thrive one of the first and easiest things i tell nursing students if you haven't already done so upgrade your scrubs to figs out with these stiff boxy scrubs in with the ridiculously comfy well-designed figs that were specifically designed with us in mind. They're super soft, lightweight, and breathable with four-way stretch and moisture wicking fabric that keeps up during long shifts. Pockets are exactly where you need them, the fit

feels modern and tailored, and they hold their shape wash after wash. Whether you're in class, at clinical, or working the floor, you deserve scrubs that work as hard as you do. Go to wearfigs.com and use code FIGSCA for 15% off your first order. That's wearfigs.com, code FIGSCA.