LadyGang - LG QUICKIE: Too Many F-Bombs To Count!

Episode Date: September 27, 2018

It's for for another BLEEPING Quickie where Keltie shares a new BLEEPing catchphrase and Becca's dog makes a BLEEPing noisy cameo before the ladies answer your BLEEP questions about starting a business and so much more BLEEP. BLEEP. Follow the BLEEPing podcast on Instagram @theladygang and you can email Jac, Becca and Keltie at Hello [e-mail]! And thank you to today's sponsors:  Amazon = Go to amazon.com/shop/ladygang to find their favorite products while keeping the podcast FREE!  LaCroix = For more information join the LaCroix community at @lacroixwater or check them out at www.LaCroixwater.com Robin Hood = Get FREE stock like Apple, Ford, or Sprint to help build your portfolio when you sign up at LadyGang.robinhood.com TalkSpace = Go to Talkspace.com/LADY, and use the code LADY to get $45 off your first month See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey guys, the following podcast is a Lady Gang Network and Podcast One production, which means it's going to be awesome. It's time for a quickie. Podcast One presents the Lady Gang, the Hollywood girl posse with Lady Gang Quickie. Here's Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. Let's make this quick. Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to the Lady Gang Quickie. Happy Thursday.

Happy Thursday. It's almost Friday. that was jack singing kelty hello oh my god um eardrums did that hurt your ears sorry everybody do we have a uh inspirational quote today kelty's not paying attention no i have a new no i have a new um saying what go yourself oh my god yeah so inspirational quote i talked to chris about it yesterday i was like you know my new favorite thing to say is go yourself i say it all the time i just never would expect it from you i know but that's like where i'm at in life is like i think it's good people are just like incompetent and like yeah say stupid shit i just

think to myself go yourself do you say it like that with like a slight little stutter yourself dave like dave well because one of the things i've been doing lately is um killing people with kindness so like that doesn't sound like you're really killing anyone with kindness Or are you smiling and thinking it? Well, keeping my enemies close. So it's like when someone's going down and I don't actually like you, you'd never know it. You're not going to know. Yeah.

Because I'm keeping you in my Rolodex. You know what I mean? And so inside, I'm saying like, go f*** yourself, Steve. But outside, I'm saying, Steve, what's up? How's your weekend? You know what I mean? Yep. That's my new thing.

Cool. You don't know if you actually like somebody or not. That is the most dangerous. Because I, in the past, I'm black or white. Like, you could tell. If I wasn't a fan, like, I'm cold. Not anymore. Now it's a big game of fuckery.

I'm just letting everyone know that you'll never know. It's very Southern of you. It's what we do in the South. I know. It is. Like, very much. Oh, darling, you look so good. She looked like trash.

Yeah. Or whatever. She looked like trash. But it's fun because it's one of my favorite things to just be, like, get off a phone. Like, I'm on a conference call or something. Don't say it out loud. Yeah, no. and then I know it's disconnected

and then I just go like go f*** yourself Adam well you know what's going to happen is one day it's not going to be disconnected and then you're going to f*** yourself go f*** yourself Kelty yep it's going to be a full circle moment yeah one of these days but it's really fun

you guys should try it when you're mad at things yeah Zach's favorite thing to do when like he's working with somebody like in customer service and they're not doing something right or like not giving him what he needs or whatever it is he he says out loud well okay i guess i'll just go myself oh my god i love that i want to do that too it's pretty embarrassing it's pretty it's amazing strong because it is yeah it's very bold but i enjoy it yeah and then it makes the other person feel so uncomfortable that hopefully

they'll help you sure finally yeah well i guess i'll just go myself then yeah totally cool what's in our box okay let's do it are you guys ready after this commercial break don't shake it too hard what's in the lady gang box what's in the box breaks back i like that you call it a commercial these aren't commercials okay oh god here's one oh god running a business oh no jack this is you girl don't do it don't do it really inspirational it's so hard i mean it's here's the thing when you start a business by yourself you have to do everything i mean i feel like we've all realized that now doing the lady gang and most people aren't good at creative marketing hr yeah being

a boss so if you don't have the money and the resources to delegate to other people you just have to kind of understand that a lot of things will probably be done half-assed for a while until you can like build a business up that much um but it's hard i mean i'm not going to sugarcoat it at all it was like the hardest thing of the past decade of my life so i don't know and then now we're running another one i would say that lady gang has definitely made me age in my face yeah you know not me just chill over here well i'm not exactly like uh like i don't enjoy being a boss i don't either i don't enjoy being in charge of other people i want to be in charge of just myself well here's the thing like when for the longest time i was looking up to people

like sofia maroso where i was like one day i'm gonna be this big boss lady i'm gonna have 200 employees i'm gonna be telling everybody what to do don't want it and i've realized that number one i don't want to be a boss i don't want to be in charge of other people and like even with like injury and them suing you like there's a lot of things that can go wrong that i don't have the ability to really elena's elena's rubber hands what can i do she's gonna fall down in like an hour oh yeah office and break her leg yeah but that's the thing there's so many things that happen outside of your control that it's you're liable that you're liable for and that's really scary and i think that like we have we've had this conversation i don't think on the podcast but like

i think women are shamed for like not aspiring to be that and i've realized that it's really important and super valuable to acknowledge that if you don't enjoy that you don't have to pretend to right not everyone has to be a lady boss no like i'm a boss of myself and i feel like it's pretty boss of me to be able to admit that i don't enjoy being in charge like i want to be in charge of me yep and and basically my husband and that's it well that and that's exactly what i learned yeah and because it is you know we get inundated with with this girl boss lady boss this whole thing like do your own thing you're not a feminist if you don't do this yeah but i mean there's a lot of risk that comes to being your own boss yeah like you have no security whatsoever my biggest

fear i lived in constant anxiety and worry that everything was going to crash and burn which it could have at any minute so i mean there's nothing wrong also with having stability and security and health insurance yeah listen sometimes i wish i could go back in time and pick like a more steady for sure lifestyle like why didn't i become smarter i mean only you can become smarter but yes you can jack okay next question should we all take iq tests okay i'm scared of my iq shit my mom or dad says like advice just says quote shit my mom slash dad says okay i'll go because i can think of my dad immediately two things growing up if we oh a dog's chewing on a bone and it's really loud hold on a dog is chewing on a bone my dog because your dog is

sitting pretty over in the corner being a good little girl and callie's being a munch that's a great word yourself callie no callie in the street dog okay so my dad would say everything's negotiable oh mm-hmm that's one and number two when we were little kids he would say see we were just talking about how good orly was and hey orly shut up come here orly come here okay so becca's dad tom tobin everything's negotiable everything's and when we wanted something so bad he would say you whine you blow it you whine you blow it yeah and my mom would just tell me not to wear thongs with skirts the dogs are wrestling right now are you it's wwe i love my dad would always say to me baby

girl you can have it all but you can't have it all at the same time and my mom would always tell me to stand up straight yep what about you jack i can't think of anything my parents like will say on the reg but my grandpa so he was greek and they he moved to america like with nothing started a fish fry spoke very minimal english and he would just offend people all the time he reminded me a lot of larry david because he would just say all this shit but everybody thought it was super funny because he was like this foreign old guy so he'd like call people fat or stupid or whatever and he'd be like i'm not saying you're fat i'm just saying you're fat and like for some reason that just like negated the fact that he was like totally offending people that's amazing i'm

gonna start doing that yeah i'm not saying you're stupid i'm just saying you're stupid right that's for some reason like people don't get offended if you just say just gus gus what i like that name peteris it was not like gustav no it was gus oh i mean that was like his american name what was his greek name i don't remember what it was it was some like really hard to pronounce thing and they gave everybody new names when they came to america that's like me what was your um when they entered from alice island they took a lot of the jewish last names and like would cut them in half or like take out the ski or the steen or the bird so what was your actual last name it was i think they tobin ski tobin ski yeah or tobin ski i don't know how to pronounce it but just ending with ski

hmm yeah i could be wrong don't quote me but i have heard that about tobin where did kelty go kelty just took a call you guys um i think she had to go track oh she's gone okay should we just okay well then we're just going to do a new we're going to keep going so this is rebecca and jacqueline we're back to rebecca and jacqueline um let's find something that's actually interesting no it's sad against the wrong what you can't open it and then i'm literally going through all of them oh my god kelty leaves and the rules go out the window screw it okay okay here's a long one i don't even know what this is from which would you prefer

a wild turbulent guys wait i have to correct myself what they're saying that it could be false that they changed the names that's something it's just like a myth but that's so weird okay i'm gonna find it here's a better question would you accept twenty thousand dollars to shave your head and continue your normal activities without a hat or wig until your hair grew back no my face what's the minimum price you'd take for this i don't know i i don't think i could it would have to be a lot of money because number one i have an awful shaped head my face would not look good i'm not like i'm not like natalie portman look good with a shaved head um i also have psoriasis on my scalp so that would be a really

disgusting yeah that'd be nice and flaky yeah um one fact one you know my girlfriend afton shaved her head for a halloween costume stop it yeah she was 11 and then uh charlie staron from mad max so she shaved her entire recent it was two halloweens ago holy cow and then another fun fact is the guy that i'm dating went to wanted to go to the barber and just shave his head randomly and the barber literally refused to do it because his head was shaped too weird i like that that's a real at least keeping it real i know like honesty is great but i don't think i'd ever shave my head. You ready? Yeah, I'm ready. What's next?

Kelsey's back. Which would you prefer? A wild, turbulent life filled with joy, sorrow, passion, adventure, intoxicating successes and stunning setbacks or a happy, secure this kind of goes back to our other thing. Happy, secure, predictable life surrounded by friends and family without wide swings of fortune

and mood. Can I read that to myself? Like, do you want a crazy life of ups and downs or do you want just like a steady complacent life? oh god i don't know i don't know it's really tough i mean i think i want the crazy life i mean i feel like we've all kind of gone into that side of it yeah just by default really nice but some sometimes it seems nice to just be like i guess when you hit those low dips i think you'd be like

i'll take the other one now i'll take just being okay yeah it's like i want to have all the craziness and the fun and the emotions and everything but i also want to go home to like my house with my like nice sturdy relationship and like a job you know what I mean because I've already lived through that and like I was terrible like the craziness of it all like oh my god

not knowing if someone's going to text you back like oh I had a very turbulent 20s well that's the thing I feel like have the first part in your 20s and then in your 30s have this nice boring secure life I'm into boring now I'm really into boring but I think you have to have

the turbulent to appreciate the boring yeah yeah you gotta get it out of your system yesterday i was like eating a fudgesicle in my backyard like playing ball with callie and i was like this is the life yeah but then there's people fudgesicle they make one delicious so good there are people though like i think maybe it's like a firstborn thing but my sister really has always her entire life been happiest with like plainness like boring just steadiness like feeling safe and secure whatever that means in all aspects of her life like she's like go yourself adventure yeah no she like doesn't need it she loves she takes so much like she just loves being yeah like comfortable yeah i don't know yeah it's so weird because i feel the complete opposite of it and i have

life FOMO and I always want to be doing like the most crazy fun whatever thing that I look at people like that and I'm like how are they not like itching to go get out and do something but some people are just built so differently it's true with that and I'm not like my house like you always love to go to a restaurant to have a drink and like an event and I'm like that's my worst nightmare I don't like an event I like she means like a Hollywood event like she means like an activity oh i love an activity yeah that's my nightmare i hate an event i want to postmates my food and eat it in silence you know i can't do that okay i want to maybe have tv on but you hate tv on yeah sometimes elena when she's working here at the office she likes to listen

to like a podcast or a tv show and it drives me insane but i would never say anything because i love you so much now you're saying it i can't you're saying it to literally the entire sounds like upset me well when you're working i would understand but like at home like folding laundry quiet i like it to be no music no sometimes music that's so strange like i would never you know people like sometimes people sleep with the tv on or they just have it on for background noise never elena says she does sleep with the tv like every night never but what channel i put on the office every night i put on a curb every night how do you sleep when you're paying attention to it You don't pay attention to it.

I literally turn it on and close my eyes. Well, that's how I play Curb every night. Does Richie not mind? He usually goes to bed after I do. Oh, so he'll turn it off? So he'll turn it off for me. That's nice. When he sees that I'm asleep.

Or sometimes I'll wake up and turn it off and then go to sleep. But I have to have... It's white noise, basically. Oh, see? Yeah, I need it. I don't even have a rain machine because I count the rain driplets. You know, like the white noise? You don't need drops for white...

I have white noise and I play Curb. Yeah. I have a double because I'm so uncomfortable. White noise and curved anesthesia? Yep. Oh, my God. It's a mistake. Okay.

Last question. Last question. Least favorite buzzword. Ooh. Influencer. Yeah. I'm trying to think. I know I have one.

Influencer. YouTuber. Influencer is bad. Just kidding. YouTuber is going to be mine, too, which I know is mean, but. Influencer is pretty bad. Yeah. Yeah.

Influencer. That probably sounds good on the mic, what you're doing. Also, followers, you guys, the new thing in Hollywood, this is going to blow your mind. The new thing in Hollywood is publicists walk down the red carpet with their client's Instagram page loaded on their phone and just put the Instagram page in your face and say, do you want to talk to Cheryl? And they just have their like how many followers they have. Because nobody knows how they are.

Yeah. Also, like, don't people know that like people buy their followers and certainly the ones who have publicists showing their Instagram pages, those are the people with followers. Absolutely. Fake followers. Yeah. Bots. So, and I'm just like, go f**k yourself.

Go f**k yourself. Gina. Gina PR. Gina PR. Yeah. What else? Oh, well, my least one. Oh, authenticity is pretty good.

She's so authentic. No. She's not. Like, literally nobody's authentic. Chrissy Teigen's authentic. And us. Mm-hmm. Fun fact.

My husband, so I can tell you a segment we're going to do on the podcast that we're not going to do anymore. You mean the show? In the show. TV show. I was going to measure my nipple hair. Wait, we're not doing it anymore? No, we can't do it.

Why? I've got X-nayed. Because it's too gross? That's so upsetting. It is upsetting. So I've been growing out my nipple hair. Do you guys want to see it? Sure.

I already thought. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. We told her not to show us because we wanted to be surprised on the show. Yeah. We're not going to do it now, though. So are you going to pluck it?

Well, I'm going to before I go to Hawaii, so I wanted to give you guys a chance. Let me see. Let's see it. Okay, hold on. Is it black? Yeah, it's black. Do you see it? Is it a double?

Yeah, it's a double. Let me see. That's not that long. It's only like an inch long. That is long. That's long. It's a pubelang. That's an inch.

It's also, when I pictured your nipple hair, I pictured. I plucked mine recently. You didn't picture it to be this black, did you? I feel like nipple hair is always black. I pictured it closer to your areola. Well, my areola is right there. Oh, it's just dark in here. It's on the nipple.

Anyway, so I've been growing it out because I was going to pluck it and measure it on the show. And Chris came to me and had a real serious conversation with me. And he was like, so listen, I just like you can do anything you want. But I just think for your journalistic career, like you don't want to be the girl that measured your nipple hair. So I got X-rayed because of Chris. I was like, he's like, just do whatever you want. I never tell you what to do. But, like, I just think this segment, like, is one too far for you going on to, like, then host the Thanksgiving parade.

Yeah, I get that. And I was like, you're right. Do you think Go F*** Yourself is also probably not great? Wait, or anything that we talk about on this podcast? Or Washo Dick? Washo Dick is going to be the new fun phrase. Yeah, I guess, like, this was the thing. Are we turning around your image now?

This is the thing that Chris said was over the line. Like, he's cool with everything. I understand that. if i were gonna edit you down yeah to like be a little more but like that's that would take away from our lady gang magic sauce well at least we can talk about it on the podcast totally because no one's listening to that nobody listens to the podcast except the 30 million downloads that we've received whatever okay um was it good for you what the hell are you doing i was trying to blow this candle off you couldn't do that because it's on the paper notebook and we're gonna it's making

me nervous okay we're not here for a long time we were here for a good time yourself that escalated quickly thanks for joining us on lady gang quickie check out new episodes of lady gang every tuesday and more quickies every thursday on podcastone.com the podcast one app and apple podcasts