LadyGang - LG QUICKIE: TOUGH LOVE

Episode Date: February 15, 2024

In honor of VDAY the ladies are discussing the tough love lessons they've learned about love with help from the LadyGang community! Did your lesson make the cut? Let us know if you recognize your voice and don't fall into the dicksand!!!!   Check out our amazing sponsors!!! LadyGang is sponsored by BetterHelp! Visit BetterHelp.com/ladygang to get 10% off your first month! Huggies: Get your baby’s butt into Huggies best fitting diaper! Huggies Little Movers. We got you, baby.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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but only with the code RESET at factormeals.ca. Factor, Canada's number one meal delivery service. It's time for a quickie. Podcast One presents The Lady Gang, The Hollywood Girl Posse with Lady Gang Quickie. Here's Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. Let's make this quick. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to Lady Gang Quickie. It's a quickie.

It's quick. I'm Becca here with Jack and Kelty, and we're all bundled up with cozy blankies. First of all, I love that we're in, this is like the little love sack blanket, and it has a little foot sack, but we didn't put it together. We put it ourselves separately. But wouldn't it be cool to make a sleeping bag that has your own bag, but you're connected to your friend? Oh, like your own little section?

Yeah. No. Why not? You just put sleeping bags next to each other. Whatever. Okay, fine. And the second thing I want to tell you is that not an ad. Did you get this?

I bought that too off TikTok. Oh, I got it in a PR kit. You did? What is it? Do you need more? Because I got every shade. What is it? It's called the NYX Duck Plump.

Who pronounced it? Nyx. I just realized that. I saved two colors and then I put the rest. But this one's called Clearly Spicy. Do you like a try? Yeah, sometimes. Dude, you feel this shit is burning.

Immediately burning. Are my lips looking bigger? Yeah. juicy okay try it i want to use a little bit on top of this like you can literally has a label that says extreme sensation yeah it is an extreme sensation dude jared loves when i wear these the like plumper things like he always wants a kiss because he likes it light plump yeah and he's like how are my lips looking oh my god okay jared okay so today this episode is uh post valentine's we are just talking about the tough love lessons that we've learned about love and we asked our

lady gang community to leave us voice messages i have not listened to these we're gonna go through them and respond and see you know what our girl has learned about love which i'm very excited and then we'll share our hot topics our hot takes hot takes on love let me go in here okay are you ready oh well someone wrote one wrote one before we play it okay lisa says sometimes you're the other woman and you don't know until the other chick shows up more than a year after you started seeing the guy oh my god ouch okay we're looking more for like advice on things you've learned but that that feels like it feels like lisa's life lisa sorry about that at least you found out you know I know. Okay. Better now than in like 10 years. Totally. Okay. Here we go.

This is Christy from South Carolina. And I think that a hard truth about love is that it isn't a romantic comedy or a Hallmark movie, that it's work. It takes work and it takes a lot of work. People who aren't willing to put that work in tend to be dissatisfied in their marriages. love doesn't mean that it's rainbows and puppies every single day sometimes it's disdain and even what may seem like hatred but you have to continue to put that work in because the next day it may be rainbows and puppies you just never know oh i love a southern accent disdain and hatred disdain oh my god i've never felt more seen i haven't gone to the disdain part yet just i'm sure it's coming I'm sure it's coming just you wait um I actually just last night had a conversation

with Zach in bed because I was like we have gone weeks now where the only time we talk to each other is to discuss logistics yeah just logistics straight up neither one of us has asked each other like how are you doing how's work going what's the latest what's new nothing yeah and I said to him I and he is a little bit naive where he thinks it just happens. Like the magic of a relationship is just always going to be there, the sparkle. And I said to him, and it was like, it was the first time he heard this, where I said, you actually have to keep working. Like, this is what the, this is the age old tale about how relationships take work and to like remain connected. We're going to have to continue to make it work like that. It was as if he was a

brand new baby into the world and it was the first time it blew his mind. Um, so yeah, I, it's, it, you don't really realize when you get married, like you think, you know, but you really have no idea how if every single day you kind of have to make an effort or you start hating them too much. I had this happen to me actually last night, which is crazy that this disdain conversation, and it's not disdain, but I was watching RuPaul's drag race and then I was like on my phone and like I I have the whole day you know I worked all day I've looked at my phone all day and then Chris came home from work and he was like by the way you only listen to the every third thing I say and then I was like okay I put my phone down and I walked in the kitchen and I just stared at him

and I was like how was your day and I like I I mean it's like it's so sad that I had to do that but like I think both of us you know we usually do our like cultural relationship reset in December when we go on a big trip and because our trip was amazing but also at a Disneyland I don't think we had that like sexy like real connection connection we always come back from those trips being like oh my god let's do this for another year yeah and I just feel like very unconnected and so you'll actually be proud of me this weekend um I'm going on my anniversary trip remember how he gave me the cards yeah so for people who haven't listened he gave me these cards being like give me three days and I'm gonna take you and then once I go on this trip I get to

open card number two that was in August it's now February yeah seven months later I finally gave him this weekend I have no idea oh yeah just be ready to go Friday morning and we're gonna go yeah so I'm hoping this weekend is like a reset but like I have not been trying for a long time yeah and I feel very guilty about that because he's such a good man and he does really try and he can constantly does nice things for me and I I said I've been trying so Krista thank you because he probably has a disdain for Kelty well I like I said I haven't gotten to the disdain phase yet. Like I know it's coming at some point and I'm also not a mom. So like our lives aren't as crazy, but like the thing with me and Jared, it's like, I have to like, when I'm like lacking connection,

I'm like, we need to go out to dinner and like sit and look at each other and have like, that's how I decompress. That's how I like, I feel connection. I'm like, we can't, I can't do this while sitting on the couch with you and like having the same sort of a connection. You need like something like around that to just kind of get it back. I don't know, but that's why I love date nights because I'm like I I like need them for my soul and like for our relationship my lips feel like I just put them in hot sauce I know it's a different it's a different um sensation than like the two-faced one yeah it just feels like when you've eaten spicy food okay here's Cassandra on my tongue

hi lady gang um the hardest part about love um from me after 10 years of marriage and 15 years with my husband um the hardest part about love is that love by itself is never going to be enough and it took me a long time to recognize realize and accept that um and I think it's because it comes in waves and when the waves are big it's powerful and it's passionate and it's wonderful but the waves always crash always and so it's the time and space in between the waves when you have to be very committed to love even though you don't feel its presence so the hardest part of love for me is commitment to love when love is not present oh my gosh that was poetic we have too many smart women i know no kidding right oh someone wanted to talk about your hemorrhoids always was she

canadian thank you jennifer that girl i have no idea did she have a canadian accent a little bit A boot. Okay. This is Chloe. Are you ready? Yeah. Hi, lady gang. My hard truth about love is I just got out of a six-year relationship.

I lived with the person for four years, and I really thought that we would end up together. I think my hard truth that I have really come to accept and embrace is that just because someone is in your life for a long time and you thought that maybe you would end up together doesn't mean that it wasn't still a wonderful time in your life it wasn't a waste of time it's not a waste of living with somebody and it's not a waste because you didn't get engaged or have babies you can still appreciate the time that you had with somebody um you know the years that you were together and move on and start anew with your life that's what i'm attempting to do living on my own for the first time in four years uh thank you lady gang your episodes always get

me through and make me laugh I love you all oh well it's crazy between me and Jared so he was in a relationship for 10 years yeah like 10 years his whole 20s and then I had like these little one and a half year relationships and then I was single in between both of them yeah and we learned the same lessons in like completely different ways and I learned most of my lessons in the last like year and a half that I was single before I met Jared but it's like if you don't take something out of your experience like that your relationship like that it's like that's how you become an adult and like a human in a sense but you have to learn it somehow I also love her Matt her thought of like you know what instead of walking out of these bad relationships like that what a waste of my

time she's crazy or whatever it is we can just be like we we did the thing it didn't work out I'm you know well what did you learn that you don't want in your next partner right or that you do want like what are qualities that you liked with this last partner that you can see in a different relationship or one of the ones that you're like thank god I don't have to deal with that at least and she didn't have kids yeah the lady gang Becca do you have a hard truth about love well it was all kind of in the same vein where it's like the butterflies are never gonna last unless well actually I remember there being an Oprah episode we've talked about this we should talk about it again because it's so good yeah we're like the physiological thing happening to

you that you think is butterflies when you're into a relationship is like an insecure feeling It's like an, and not knowing the fear of the unknown. And so actually chasing the feeling of the butterflies in a longterm relationship is sometimes not even possible because if you're in a secure, loving relationship, then that's good. And then if you are having those in a relationship, sometimes it's because somebody is feeling not as, you're not feeling as connected to your partner or you're feeling like you could lose the person and not know if they're going to be sticking around so like the butterflies it's such a it's such a bummer too that like because butterflies feel so good yes I'm like I'm never gonna be like ever again like

and like that's the great you only have my biggest butterflies have always been with people that like I don't think I'm good enough for them I don't know if they like me I think that they're gonna leave me like they were never I mean I have butterflies with Jared but it's in a different way it's in like he loves me so much right like I sleep so soundly with Chris because I'm safe but like I do miss it was so funny I was like listening Matt Nathanson sent me one of the new songs on his new record and and I just was like oh and the song is beautiful but I was like I will never listen to an album in like the throes of emotions at 2am unable to sleep wanting to like write out the lyrics because I feel them so deeply like ever again because I'm so safe like

good or bad I'm safe but you're right that like anxiety of like not sleeping and feeling like oh my god it's so exciting and then when he does pick you or when like he texts you finally and you're just like get that jolt of like serotonin yeah I'm like I'm never gonna feel that again thank god but at the same time you're like there is like a nostalgia about butterflies though yeah like I look back and I'm like even about being single and going on first dates I'm like it's so fun and exciting and I'm like I was miserable doing that right miserable right but it's like you're looking back at it with like rose colored glasses and you're like it was so like fun and exciting but it's really just like horrible but even like with great relationships that i've had

they've started off with like the butterflies because you don't know what the future is like you don't know if they're going to drop your ass and i think that's also why culturally everyone is obsessed with taylor swift's relationship with travis kelsey right because they are on full display of the brand new the cocaine the cocaine cocaine phase where it's like they're obsessed i literally watched her like arm and arm with her with his mother oh that was very sweet i remember having those moments of like being so excited yeah to like be included in the circle of the family yeah and then the brother and the sister like there's all of that that's like so exciting in the beginning and you just think about it and you're like if if you're lucky you never

feel that ever again yeah like because that means you're staying in your marriage but you still so I miss it so much to where you look at pictures of people in new relationships or videos or whatever. And you're like, Oh God, that looks fun. That's why everybody has, everybody's living vicariously. They love it. Right. Cause you're watching the cocaine stage. Yeah, you're right. There's this, uh, quote, you know, party down the show. This is like so random, but one of the episodes there at somebody's funeral, it was like this old lady's husband's funeral. And like, she was talking to everybody. She's like, love is like a crock pot. Like you want to be like simmering like on that like low warmth if you want it to last we are not an air fryer

don't want to be an air fryer also my air fried my fries they burn like you want to just feel like simmering and too hot crock pot god the crock pot of love usually you're making pretty good shit in a crock pot it's true it tastes great it's very but it's comfort food comes in a crock pot it's comfort food does come in a crock pot fried food that's gonna upset your stomach it comes in an air fire that's right bingo yeah you know what we just figured out love is a crock pot the new book from the lady i'm gonna find the video it's pretty good okay here we go this is melissa ladies this is melissa from toronto i'm a huge fan you guys always put a smile on my face and i would like to throw in a request to come to toronto next time you guys do it

my hard love truth is if you fight over a lot of petty things like you don't text me enough or you don't call me enough that means it's just not meant to be when you find the one things will go so much smoother and everything will just work thanks for listening and bye for now melissa so true it is so true do communication styles it's like you either have it or you don't it's very true you cannot convince somebody to text you more no or to call you more they're not into you well that's my tough love my tough love is they're gonna love you or they're not yeah and you really i mean the lesson it was so funny i was with one of the um production assistants from e the other day and we were together for a long time she's young she's 23 in la for the first time i'm like

are you dating what's going on and she was like yeah i just like had a boyfriend and then i'm out of it and i really you know i like to be in a relationship i was like stop i was like you gotta go and i did the thing go to italy have a love affair like which i always do but i was like god I wish, wish, wish, wish, wish. I had not spent my twenties and thirties. Well, nevermind. My thirties was with Chris, my twenties trying to convince people that if I was successful enough, hot enough, sexy enough, fun enough, um, outgoing enough in going enough, liked the Star Trek that they liked that they would love me. Like it doesn't work like that. Well, men are very black and white. We've talked about this a million times, but it's like, they're not, unless they're

like a sociopath or like narcissist, they're not going to play games. Men don't play games. They're you stupid yeah they either like you or they don't yeah and you're gonna know okay we have a last one it came in three bites so let's see what happens and maybe we'll have to do an edit here Kelsey Lou Kelsey Lou when it comes to love you need chemistry and timing and unfortunately timing can be a bitch yeah if you're seriously considering two different relationship options like not just like flirting around with the idea between two people but like actually thinking about making a hard choice between two people for a relationship go with the second one if the first one was what you wanted you wouldn't have paid attention to the second one oh hold on can i see what else

she's had to say this is she's a wealth of here we go if you're having trouble meeting people who get to know relationships with check your environment it could be that you're in a place where you're not finding the right people or maybe we're not putting ourselves out there enough and we should try that out if you're doing all those things and it's not working check with your heart because maybe you're hung up on someone or something that we need to do some work to let go maybe that'll free us up to meet someone oh i like that but i like the first and the second i didn't hear what she said at the end of that because i was thinking about the second one so much yeah the second tip hit me hard yeah so if you're in but if you're dating seriously want to consider

dating two people and you don't know which way to go go with the second one because if the first one was good enough you wouldn't have even entertained the second one that mind blown I've never been in that position to like two people oh I have so many times really not because I'm so popular and men love me but because I entertained like I I just entertained so many options like i was very open yeah yeah not slutty but open no no i want to reveal something i've never told you before i think um when i met chris and we started dating i went on the bachelor no just kidding um i actually was like had gone on a few dates with this other guy and chris took me out on a date and then other guy took me on a date while i was like went on the first couple

dates with chris yeah i wonder if he like was dating anyone at the same time but i never told him that I had gone and I remember this is like Chris if you're listening turn this off babe but like I went on a date I went on a date with Chris he didn't kiss me on our first date I can't remember oh god I'm a bad person anyway I remember dude number two or dude number one in this case um like took me on a date and kissed me at the end of the date and when I was kissing him I was like what am I doing I love Chris oh that's how I felt and I never went out with him again that's cute I couldn't even stand the kiss it was like he's kind of gross anyway but yeah I was mine was awful because I was in Las Vegas seeing Celine Dion with this guy oh god and I had already

gone on a date with another guy that I like really loved yeah and the whole trip to Vegas was a nightmare but you had to go I had to go because it was Celine but then I remember I was like instantly like what the am I doing I couldn't get away fast enough I mean after the show ended I had to sit through the whole thing, but like I'm going to be entertained, but yeah, it's true. It's like you, yeah. If you're open enough to find that second person, that first one really doesn't have your eye. No, no. Well, I love it. Lady gang. Thank you so much for the very thoughtful, insightful, um, DMS. And if you have any other tough love ideas, please DM us because I will post them when this episode comes up and you know, happy Valentine's day, whether you had

a valentine's or not you know you're a hot bitch and everything's gonna be fine that's right and we weren't here for a long time but we are here for a good time thank you so much for listening the lady gang is produced by steve delameter stacy para jared monaco and social support from amy ryerson it really means the world to us when you show up in our community outside the podcast so sign up for our secret facebook group just search the lady gang under groups follow us on instagram and TikTok at TheLadyGang. And the most important thing you can do is share this episode with a friend.

We would love that so much. Thanks for listening. Eating well shouldn't be complicated, but somehow it turns into recipes, prep, cleanup, and half your Sunday gone. Factor solves all that. These are fresh, ready-to-eat meals designed by dieticians, delivered to your door,

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