LadyGang - LG QUICKIE: Uncomfortable Facts

Episode Date: April 1, 2021

Paging all science nerds, it’s time to put on your lab goggles and grab your microscopes! The ladies are reminiscing about their Biology studies by sharing some very uncomfortable facts. Did you know, “the brain named itself” or “there are a million ants per human on earth?” While some of these facts are more like riddles, one things for sure, you’ll have to listen to find out more.  Check out our amazing sponsors!!! Public: Go to public.com/lady to download the Public.com app! Start investing today with as little as $1. You’ll even get a free slice of stock when you join! StoryWorth: Get started right away with no shipping required by going to StoryWorth.com/lady - You’ll get $10 o ff your first purchase! Brooklinen: Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code [ladies] to get $25 off, with a minimum purchase of $100! Chime: Join the millions on Chime! Signup takes two minutes and doesn’t affect your credit score! Apply now at chime.com/lady  Huzzah: Stock up on HUZZAH Probiotic Seltzer by using code LADY for 20% off your order at DrinkHuzzah.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

So like many of you, we have had to get creative in how we keep in touch with our families. There's been a lot of FaceTiming this year, but I took it one step further and I sent StoryWorth to my dad. What it is, is an online service that helps your loved ones share stories through thought-provoking questions about their memories and personal thoughts. So it's a really fun way to engage with family, especially those you can't see in person. What it is, is every week StoryWorth emails your family member different story prompts questioning never thought of before questions to ask like how was your life turned out differently than you imagined it would can't wait to hear dad's answer on that and what have you changed your mind about over the years I'm really excited

I feel like I talk to my dad all the time but I really want to get to the core of who he is and I want these stories forever Kelty recently did it with her mom and the book came out beautifully because it will compile all the stories include photos and a beautiful keepsake book that's shipped free so give your loved ones the gift of spending time together wherever you live with storyworth.com get started right away no shipping required by going to storyworth.com slash lady you'll get ten dollars off your first purchase that's storyworth.com slash lady for ten dollars off it's time for a quickie podcast one presents the lady gang the hollywood girl posse with lady gang quickie here's kelty knight becca tobin and jack vanik let's make this quick

hello hello hello welcome to the lady gang quickie i am back here with jack and kelty hello hello i'm very excited to bring you okay just p.s if you put this onto your car keep listening if you're like about to go for a walk it's about to be a run if you're cooking you're about to make a hot sauce like this is a great episode for you to just pass the time doing something that you hate so like work out do your laundry scrub the bathroom like this is going to get you through that i am i can't even like imagine what the episode is going to be about yeah i have no idea so this episode is called uncomfortable facts and one of the things that you may or may not know about me is that before I became a global superstar icon, I was in high

school, a science nerd. Yeah, we knew that. Cool. So I'm just going to reiterate that I was like super fucking smart in biology. And I also took biology, didn't we? I think you have to take biology. Oh, I thought you meant it like it was an advanced course, but okay. No, I took advanced biology so in canada you take like 30 or 35s but anyway i like crushed bio and i really thought that i was going to work with animals as my job if the dance thing didn't work out so i love my favorite thing about this is that i have my notes on my ipad and i said what the episode's about while alex was updating the calendar to put the title of the episode in which is so cute and so alex like so right now we're recording it and she just put it in anyway so on facebook i follow

many different things home design grandmas like funny videos whatever grandma it's just general grandmas what are the grandmas doing all the grandmas of the world like just you know it's like aunt marcy and like i mean i don't have an aunt marcy oh your personal got it okay my personal how many grandmas do you have kelty uh i just have one uh but yeah anyway so it's like my personal facebook it's like a it's a conglomerate of different things and one of my favorite accounts to follow is called ifl science i love science right i love i didn't know what it stood for thank you jack wow love science so they have the best post that i have saved that i want to talk through today and it is called what's a fact that makes you uncomfortable we'll we'll start

your bones are wet ew well yeah because the surrounding because the surrounding parts of your body are wet yeah the inside of your bones are wet oh the inside is it because it's like in a moist environment moist are you uncomfortable here's another one what play-doh was invented as wallpaper cleaner what like a like a magic eraser i was just gonna say that yeah the original I could see that. I could see it as being a, uh, just a cleaner in general to pick up, uh, like dust and shit in your house. You know, you like dab it. Should I be concerned because of the amount that I ate when I was young? Everybody knows, everybody knows what Play-Doh tastes like. It's like a nice,

every wild saltiness. It's actually kind of good, you know, snuck it in, snuck it in every now and learn um okay hold on listen to this children's second teeth inside their skulls and freshly born horses hooves are an objective reality that haunt my nightmares wait that's not a fact like the teeth living up in your gums yeah yeah yeah think about that for a second i will say it is really weird that this is going to be a really dumb question. Can't wait. Can't wait. Teeth are bones, right? Do they grow? So were these giant front teeth of mine in my skull, this size as a baby? No, I think they grow. They grow in like how all your bones grow. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. That would be a lot of bone to keep up in your skull i think teeth are bones but you can feel them

okay listen to this a gland in beaver's butt tastes like strawberries even more uncomfortable is who found this out i know who was the first person to eat the beaver butt gland survivalist maybe i always wonder that with poisonous food i was like man And it would have been so shitty to be the person that discovered that things are poisonous, but thank you for your service. Jack, I need you to do service right now. Someone posted, wait till you Google turtle penises. Oh, are they?

I think they might be spiky. And Becca, I have a project for you. Someone says it's impossible to lick your own elbows. Oh, I've heard that, but I think that I can. try oh i can't now i hurt my neck wait they're okay turtle penis what does it look like the terrifying sex organs oh turtle penis images oh wait ew oh my god describe it describe it at the bottom of it it's like a suction cup ew is it i haven't seen that part of it oh my god it looks like a klingon oh my god you guys i grew i googled turtle penis

and one of the first things i clicked on was from john vanik phd on twitter oh snap wait it's a turtle p it looks like it's suctioning onto the bottom of the sink disgusting it is dark we'll post one on the facebook i mean and the instagram speaking of dr vanik i had a realization this is a tangent. I was watching the college admissions documentary, the whole scandal on Netflix. And I was thinking to myself, the things these parents did to get their kids into college, I was like, the only parents that I know that love their kid enough to go to jail for them are the Vanix. So I just pictured them photoshopping Jacqueline's face on all these athletes. Well, lucky for them, I was actually smart enough to get accepted into USC and UC

la on my own but they would do it they were a thing they would have done it you want to think about something deep yeah you you you you you don't actually wash your hands they wash each other while you stand there watching these aren't facts these are like riddles weird someone got stoned i'm just telling you but it's true oh also natural vanilla flavoring is made from the anal gland secretion of a beaver wait the one that's smell tastes like a strawberry wait i guess there's a strawberry version and i just had overnight oats with vanilla extract does that mean it was beaver butt beaver but but that's disgusting but i'm confused about the vanilla versus strawberry because shouldn't that just be a strawberry extract it's a twist cone the fact

that you have two beaver anal gland facts out of maybe five that you've said so far is also also if my anal glands tasted like vanilla and strawberry it'd be kind of dope maybe that's why people maybe you don't know you haven't you know experienced it yet you have to ask why i heard the lady gang wanted some free stock yes that's why we've partnered with public.com you know that is my mission for us all to talk about money to make money to invest wisely and the public app is awesome for that so just go to public.com slash kelty you can see what i'm investing in you can start investing today with as little as one dollar this is what is so cool first of all their platform is 40 women which is amazing but what's really really cool

is that the stock market shouldn't be for those people over there. It's for us. As little as $1, you can start investing. So say, take $5, take $10. You can buy slices of stock. So say your favorite company's stock is like $3,000. And you're like, well, I don't have that. So it's impossible for me to invest. Not with public.com. Basically you can say, all right, I want $10 of this stock. I want $10 of this. I love this company. I drive this car. I use this company. I want to invest in it. That's what's so, so, so cool. So go to public.com slash Kelty to follow me on public.com. By the way, when you invest as little as $1, you're going to get a free slice of stock just to join. So I want all of our listeners to go get their free slice of stock. Go to public.com

slash lady. It's going to make you money over time. Go get it right now. Public.com slash lady valid for us residents, 18 or older subject to account approval. See public.com slash disclosures, not investment advice. So it's really funny because right before I started to read this ad, I just cracked open a can of Huzzah and then I opened up this ad and it says, so everything just feels like it's meant to be right now. And I am obsessed, obsessed with Huzzah. So Huzzah is your new favorite seltzer with added probiotics and three grams of sugar or less. So drink to your health, your gut health that is. And Huzzah contains added probiotics to support healthy digestion and each flavor is non-perishable and can be stored at room temperature but it's

delicious and refreshing when served cold i even like to serve mine on a few cubes of ice and huzzah has a delicious full flavor taste in three grams of sugar or less per 12 ounce can and choose from three vibrant flavors that go big on the flavor without piling up sugar or calories they have raspberry and lemon strawberry and hibiscus or my absolute favorite juicy pear oh my gosh it's so good so stock up on huzzah probiotic seltzer by using code lady for 20 off your order at drinkhuzzah.com that's code lady for 20 off at drinkhuzzah.com the lady gang okay listen to this plants let out a high frequency scream when they're harmed oh no plants is this is this gonna affect not something else i have to care about i know now now the plants

have feelings god i just got over chicken i was just getting over chicken i've always felt like plants have feelings you know what i mean they're alive it's probably just one of those things we haven't discovered yet with our where our science is at these days like i don't you know what i don't fucking care because you care what else are we gonna eat well what if you know what if spinach is just really sensitive and what if you really hurt its feelings i can't stop eating because things have feeling well i think the most sensitive i think the most sensitive fruits and vegetables are the ones that are hand fruits that have their own case like to me a banana is so sensitive it's through years of evolution made its own little layer to go be i hate orange is

so sensitive the term hand fruit i do i do too it's so much sexual and it sounds like i don't yeah i hate it okay but also do we know they're screaming because they're in pain we don't know we don't know they're excited maybe they're stoked they're like finally i'm so i get to go be on a counter in a vase and die. I get to go be made into a salad and come out of someone's vanilla anal glands. I mean, how sad is it for the fruits and veg? Is it every plant? That's what is it? Okay. How sad is it for the, for the sad, sad plants that screamed and then they didn't even get to be made into a tasty meal because you forgot about them in the back of your fridge and they just went bad and they just went bad. Okay. Respect your plants. What are your

eyelashes demodex folicorium aka eyelash mites not only do they have intercourse on your face but the females also lay their eggs inside your hair follicle yeah if you want to do a little google of that the imagery is pretty honestly but any microscopic photo of anything in this world like do you know how many poop particles you probably have on your face right now just from be in the bathroom everywhere your phone your face everywhere the first thing that forms in the magical creation of a beautiful little human being in a uterus is a teeny tiny arsehole oh my god are you looking at butthole facts no i'm not like it just happens that people really wanted to talk about like butts yeah butts yeah i feel 12 anal facts

well i'm just saying so the butthole does form first though the butthole is the uh the start the beginning of life i was trying to think of a more euphemistic word for that but stop 99.9999999 percent of your body is empty space that's sad i'm confused is it like the dark matter i don't understand i have a fun fact okay here's what here's what the brain named itself those kelsey again another riddle stupid jack what were you gonna say Okay. Do you guys know how many ants are on the, on the world? No, there are 1 million ants per human being on the earth. Cool. I knew that. Listen to this. Your own stomach enzymes will digest you when you die. Ooh, your teeth, your teeth are the only part of your skeletal system

that you can clean. Oh, they are part of the skeleton. I mean, obviously kind of idiot. are we me um cool yeah we can clean them yep okay i guess if you have like an exposed bone when you break a boat the body part you could also clean that do a little brushy brush if back to the future was made this year he'd be going back to 1991 everyone would be listening to nirvana and the classic oldie marty mcfly could play on the guitar that i guess you guys aren't ready for could be wannabe by the spice girls this one this one you don't close your eyes they are permanently open you close your eyelids it's true you got another riddle

well they it said on the science website that these were facts they are not i mean the only facts have been the butthole ones everything else is like some kind of a butthole butthole you're like a butthole butthole a butthole it's like you're saying butthole without the t in the middle butthole butthole butthole a butthole but facts we should change the name of this episode the butt facts there are more non-human cells in a person's body than there are human cells i don't understand this is another one of those 99 of nothing well did you see the one where they're like you're basically just a donut because we're like a mouth to a bum not to bring it back to bums but you know like our whole system is just mouth to anus like can you i don't

know what you mean by donuts okay like the whole of the donut is essentially our mouth the butt and then we're just like stuff where are the where are the stuff wait i don't get it we're like an eclair and so not around donut we're not in eclair we're around donut so the stuffed eclair oh i guess the the the intestines is they do coil so it is i guess but where's the mouth and where's the butthole in the donut or the top of your donut and the bottom of your donut yeah it's like a it's like an eclair like a long donut oh yes and the middle of it is not a hole it's a hole oh my god this is i can't i feel like i'm already stoned okay the barnacle has the largest penis to body mass ratio i don't even articles had penises printer ink is more expensive than human blood

printer ink is really expensive so expensive why is that because it's more valuable than human blood because they can you know they make their own prices so they're like this is 40 for two weeks worth of printer ink jack you know how you have really bad um allergies yeah pollen is tree sperm it blows around in the wind gets in the eyes and nose and makes everyone sneeze but it's actually tree sperm delicious if you jumped into lava you wouldn't lava if you jumped into lava you wouldn't slowly sink you would explode explode you would explode because of the heat i'm not a scientist i don't know why i'm reading it a fact on twitter remember when you started off this episode being like i was pretty much a scientist i was smart as fuck have you thought

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Third-party and cash deposit fees may apply. Go to Chime.com slash lady for details. So it's no mystery that the three of us are obsessed with Brooklinen. And if you walk through our new house, It's pretty much every bedroom and every bathroom is stocked with Brooklinen. I am obsessed with this brand. They do such a beautiful job with high-quality bedding and home essentials, and they don't have crazy markups because they don't have any middlemen.

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brooklinen.com use promo code ladies to get 25 off with a minimum purchase of 100 that's b-r-o-o-k-l-i-n-e-n dot com and enter code ladies for 25 off with a minimum purchase of 100 that's brooklinen.com promo code ladies the lady gang listen to this one this is deep this is going to take you to a galaxy every time you think about something you've experienced every let me repeat this every time you think about something you've experienced you change the unique pathways associated with that particular memory so not only can you never ever remember an event exactly the way it happened you can never remember it it the same way twice yeah that's why they say a lot of the time when people give tests like statements after they witnessed i witnessed crime a lot of

the time it's not consistent not because they're lying but because they are remembering it and it might not be the first time they're remembering it it could be like the 17th time so it's even further from what really happened yep witnesses are so unreliable jack really knows that yeah yes yes yes we've got some of those okay um oh oh oh okay here we go just more uh more sex from bugs female bed bugs do not have a vagina so the male bed bugs are equipped with a spear-like penis oh my god literally rips her a new hole to impregnate her after which she flees the area so she doesn't get more wounds resulting in impregnated females spreading to new areas that scary is horrible how sad for the poor female bed bug how have they not evolved past that

want to know something else becca what you have vomit in your stomach right now it's just sitting there yeah because vomit is just the stuff coming out of your stomach that didn't it seemed better when it was the tweet i'm not scared of vomit i'm always really confused by people who like scared of vomiting or scared of other no like a vomit my sister growing up if she saw someone vomit she would instantly throw up yeah i don't i know i'm not like that you guys know you know how i don't do public pools no i didn't know that oh i don't do public pools like you wouldn't even do a pool at like a luxury hotel. I've seen you in a public pool. No, I'll do a public pool. I won't enjoy it. My brain is taking off facts like this one. When you swim in a pool,

the water has touched everyone's butthole. When you swim in the ocean, you have sex and poop in the water. How about swimming now? I wish I could go back in my Instagram. I swear to you, we were in Palm Springs and Zach said this exact thing to me at the hotel pool. He's like, think about how many people's buttholes are touching that water. Yeah. I Instagrammed it. This person stole that from me. That's why, that's why they have so much chlorine in the water. So all the butthole matter that is moving around in there. I mean, I guess, but I just, I can't really, uh, it's really, really hard for me to swim well you're just denying science because chlorine cleans it science denier but does it clean it or then you just putting some bleach up your asshole like

doesn't matter bleach in the butthole means that your butthole is squeaky clean so i know also people pay to get their buttholes bleached so it's really a two-for-one you get a swim and then you gotta you get a bleached swim in a bleach i don't even i don't know why people do that but i do my butthole is a darker tone you bleach it no but i understand why people do it your butthole is a darker shade than the rest of your body i don't think i've ever really looked at my butthole before i have and i can confirm it's dark i i'm always looking because i get so many hemorrhoids oh yeah yeah you gotta really check that out yeah you gotta get in there okay i'm gonna leave you I'm going to leave you something really lovely.

It's disgusting how much we've talked about butts. I have two final thoughts to leave you with during this science experiment of a lady gang. Okay. There is a perfect moment in the cremation process where the meat is perfectly cooked. Cremation? Cremation. Yeah, it's probably like for a millisecond. Yeah.

Okay, ready? Last one. There is no such thing as a sunrise and a sunset. Leaving us with the best riddle of them all. I want you to just take the best fact. I might be making this up, but I think I've been told, I know I've been told by someone. I think it might've been an Italian person who said that they are a lot of the time making fun of Americans because we glorify sunrises and sunsets so much that it's a cultural thing.

and that most people think it's like really stupid that we do that. Sunsets are like the best. Apparently that's something people make fun of Americans for doing. So they don't like experiencing awe in their day or joy or beauty? No, I think it's because they do that every day, all day.

They know how to enjoy life. They're like stupid Americans. You think like catching a sunset once every three months this luxury we do it every day it's the little things you know they're like really keeping you going i think that's what i could be wrong but i think that's what my italian friends were telling me that they think it's hilarious that we talk about catching the sunset that's rude it's really it's honestly is my favorite thing to do so i take personal offense to that worse and offended i'm so offended i'm not oh and i hate americans too we gotta go gotta go we weren't here for a

long time we're here for a whole time gotta go catch the sunset thanks for listening the lady gang is produced by alex ingber will sterling steve delameter and jared monaco make sure you subscribe rate and review our podcast and if you love it share it with your friends on social media like oh my god i just listened lady gang this episode's so great swipe up to listen and if you really want to which we know you do please follow us on social at kelty at becca at jack vanek and at the lady gang sign up for our newsletter at the lady gang.com and join our secret facebook a group. It's super fun. See you next Tuesday.