LadyGang - LG QUICKIE: Wash Yo Something...

Episode Date: September 13, 2018

The Ladies come up with a new name for an old scent while answering you questions about flakey friends. And thank you to today's sponsors: Amazon = Go to amazon.com/shop/ladygang to find their favorite products while keeping the podcast FREE!   Felix Gray = Got to FelixGrayGlasses.com/lady to get your pair today with free shipping & returns  MedMen = Visit MedMen today and mention the LadyGang for $10 off your order (limit 1 per customer) Tommy John = Get 20% off your first order at TommyJohn.com/lady See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey guys, the following podcast is a Lady Gang Network and Podcast One production, which means it's going to be awesome. It's time for a quickie. Podcast One presents The Lady Gang, the Hollywood girl posse with Lady Gang Quickie. Here's Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. Let's make this quick. Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to The Lady Gang Quickie. It's so quick.

Quickie, quickie. i'm becca here with kelty and jack what's up what up how's everybody doing oh sorry um i'm doing amazing i was just looking on instagram of this cow or something that its dick was as long as its legs and now i'm scarred that was disgusting i want to barf you know what it's gross about boy dogs when they have penises and the little lipstick thingy comes out why would you ever get a boy dog i mean i know they need to exist so girl dogs like orly and i love boy dogs not when their penis comes out and it comes out a lot do you think i'm gonna feel that way if i have a boy baby wait possibly their penises don't come out no but just their penises in general i

don't know the penises actually technically do come out in the same way if they're not circumcised but they don't come out like little red lipsticks but they come out of the packaging you're right no i know but it doesn't come out like a dog's skin is brown and then the penis is red yeah that's the disgusting part of the red's gross yeah really this is too it looks like an inside organ it's too weird it's too weird and cows have the same anyway there's a dog have you ever had sex with an uncircumcised guy yeah i've been with one oh i yeah i mean i haven't been with one but i've had sex with i was with one that was uncircumcised and had one testicle oh because he had had testicular cancer as a kid as a kid oh my god i don't think i would even notice if

someone had one testicle it was honestly really great because i who needs ball play balls are annoying also uncircumcised penises are no different than a regular penis when they're hard they get a bad rep they do get a bad rep and then doesn't it make their sex feel better right because they're more sensitive i think they're more sensitive i don't know if that's a myth or not but just as long as you're not giving like a handy to a limp dick you're fine yeah and as long as like you're i love your standard once it's hard it looks the same also as long as you're hygienic you know what i mean well you have to be hygienic with it yeah but that's how i feel about all dicks i'm sorry but like the smell my friend paul calls it

bald vinegar that smell disgusting that happens whether or not they have foreskin so just wash your peen wash your dick wash your dick wash your dick cash deck wow should that be a segment wash your dick i'm gonna see this on instagram okay i think it should be like a sign off like i do too when we hate someone just wash your dick wash your dick like when it's a guy that's pissed us off like if someone treats you bad jack be like wash your dick but the thing is wash your dick you say you say with like a little bit of an accent because then it could go to wash your dick or also watch your dick you don't know what it is wash it or wash it wash it or wash it

would you rather dick would you rather have a guy who has non-stop 100 of the time underarm body odor armpit body odor or ball vinegar oh ball vinegar because i love to cuddle and i like it when a man smells good when i'm up in his armpit yeah like that's hard because the armpit's always going to be there and then the ball vinegar maybe you just get a nose plug for when you're having sex and then just don't give him a blow job i guess because i would throw up if i was doing that with a scent yeah coming up yeah they should make that like you know that scent stuff that they make for the toilet now like the poopery poopery like before you go spray they should make a before sex ball vinegar spray and you like oh you know you spray it like a gold bond yeah you spray it

on your parts and then it's like oh vanilla that's actually christmas candle or maybe more of like a febreze that like just deodorizes yeah linen would be good because then you just think it's the sheets yeah just masks i'm in i'm into that we could create it it should be called wash your dick okay you guys wash your dick has 36 posts on instagram what what are they uh tell us about them just a bunch of random shit there's some memes all right well i guess we're onto something it's able to be taken wash your dick do you think that our trademark attorney will be concerned when i email him and i'm like can you look up wash your dick he probably wouldn't be i think no he'd be like this is just another day of the lady gang it's true okay are you guys

ready to go inside the box let's go don't shake it too hard what's in the lady gang box what's in the box what's in the box it's time to go what's inside the box is it what's inside the box or what's in the box okay oh god it's like we can't figure out what anything is for the quickies nor remember if it doesn't matter people still like it okay allegedly oh here we go pineapple pizza oh no i love it it's a hard yes wash your dick no i love it i hate a warm fruit i love i don't know who number one who thought of pineapple because pineapple on cheese is odd but it's so freaking good it's delicious do you put anything else or just cheese pineapple um i like pineapple and mushroom gross oh a vegetarian it's great but the best thing is gordon ramsey hates pineapple

pizza so much and he had this whole thing where i think if he raised a certain amount of money for charity he would eat pineapple pizza and it was like the worst moment of his life yeah because he's so funny that's amazing yeah he seems like a fun time yeah i want him on the show next topic flaky friends i am a flaky friend actually no you're not that's not true you're just not a friend yeah totally exactly you don't if you don't pretend to be a friend you're not a flaky no i'll tell you i'm gonna tell you a story of how direct i am as friendship this is how i work so my friend um he loves to throw a big birthday party every single year and i'd be a flaky friend for a big no and like i get it like okay i'm gonna i'm going to understand that this is important to

you even though i think it's stupid so first this year he was like hey do you have anything that you could give as like the raffle for my birthday party raffle at his birthday party does it go to charity i think it goes to pay for like the games and stuff at the i don't i don't even pay for his own birthday party i don't know hold on i'm not even done what the hell so he's like i don't know actually where the raffle money is so i don't want to quote on that where does he throw this birthday party like he rents out like a hall or whatever you know oh my god and he was like do you have anything you want to give the raffle and i was like oh i don't know like maybe i could get some swag or something but like i don't i don't really know and then he was like okay well it's

gonna be this day let me know and followed up like a couple times about the raffle stuff and i like definitely fell off i was a flaky friend so then he was like hey so for my birthday party i'm thinking of not doing a raffle but instead having like a celebrity auction do you have any celebrity friends that would want to get auctioned or could i auction you for what a date i don't really know so then i instead of being like bro i basically text him and i go wash a dick no i said i said hi i love you i am so busy i can almost guarantee you 100 i won't be at your birthday party and i won't be able to be a celebrity guest i will wish you the best party of all time but i am definitely not gonna make it but i do love you and that's like so that's

not flaky i was just like i'm not gonna say back he's just like i totally understand what i wanted to say was like we're old please don't throw a birthday party where i have to be involved like i'll come to your birthday party here's the thing i won't actually even come to your birthday party to be honest no did we have a conversation where i discussed how annoying it is when people refer to it as their birthday week oh yeah or birthday month i can't i really can't you get one thing if that i leave the country so i don't have to do anything and nobody is obligated for anything for my birthday you get one thing and then you cannot be pissed when people don't show up no it's honestly the instagram is missing out because since they're

owned by facebook i need an instagram alert when it's people's birthdays that i follow that's a good idea because they have it on facebook but like if you never go on your actual facebook page you never see the birthdays that's true and then people are so offended when you forget their birthday there's two kinds of people people who care zero percent if you forget their birthday and then people that literally i think have they're gonna unfriend you excel spreadsheet at their house that are like checking off the boxes if who they hear from yeah who they hear from and then you're on the blacklist like you forgot my birthday i'm sorry i'm on earth it's someone's birthday every day like and in all these years i've been on this earth i've met so many people

how am i supposed to remember people's birthdays that's how i think in middle school and high school it's like of course you have five friends and you stay in the same town yeah now it's insane to me and i don't like the trickery about a birthday like some people will wait until the end of the day to post and be like thanks for all the birthday wishes and i was like you should to post that seven o'clock so i could wish you so i can see it and then wish you a happy birthday but you hid your birthday from us you wanted us to be super sleuths i don't have time wash your dick i don't know by the way a super sleuth sammy just texted me from the other room yeah and she said that um our lovely accountant is here today doing our books and she said uh she just asked

did they just say wash your dick yes we sure did debbie hashtag wash your dick wash your dick debbie she's gonna pack up her things and never come back if you keep i feel like she likes us elena what do you think of wash your dick do you think it's gonna be a hit you want to add it to the lady it's vile i think we need to make a note that there is only 36 posts of wash your dick and we'll see how many we can like now grow it too i don't know who's gonna confidently use that Like, hashtag. You just have to end up throwing it on random posts just to add to the, yeah. Like, wait, when you're looking really sexual in your, like, bikinis in the beach in the summer, you're going to be like, boys, wash your dick.

Okay, I know exactly what would happen if I did that. I'd post it, hashtag it, and five minutes later, I'd get a text from my mom being like, Jacqueline, take that down right now. Oh, my God. What does mom think of their posts? I get texts on the reg telling me to take stuff down. Really? Like what? I mean, it's not you're scandalous.

It's just your body's out there. But your body's amazing. I would, if my body looked like your body, I would be like, listen, if it looks okay now, if I don't take advantage of it, it's only going downhill from now. So it's true. It's true. I support, listen, if you're of age, that's when I really get upset is the teenage girls. Oh yeah.

Who are posting like thong bikini. No, it's disgusting. It's disgusting. And like, it's not their fault. It's their parents. Where is your, where's your mother? Where's your father? Where's your dick?

Why are they allowing it? No, it's true. no and it's just an age is okay for a thong bikini i wore one at 21 i think in your 20s it's different but in different cultures are different about like whatever yeah it's like the seductive photos did you see alec was it alec baldwin who oh yeah he made a comment on his daughters she was on like this like motorcycle like with her ass out like she's a model yeah it's like a pretty whatever risque photo and what did he write like he was like take this down or take it down or like very yeah or like oh god no or something stop no it's it's like the internet

is just so vast and anybody can look at your pictures so if you're underage posting something like that it's like you don't know what weird you may want to be and masturbating to your photo glad that when i was wearing like pigtails and a bandana and like a round oakley sunglass and like a blue thong bikini on the private island when i worked on the cruise ship that there isn't like a digital photo of that right it's terrifying god although honestly pull it up for our television 16 was my best body so i am a little upset it wasn't mine i because i was on the pill and i had these massive boobs like i went from having nothing yeah and i was on like the og pill which is like just estrogen pumping through your veins like 5 000 times stronger than yeah like i'm

surprised i'm still alive but like i had these like spring break sophomore year i have a picture I have like the biggest biggest boobs yeah and like the tiniest little body so cute and I'll never have that again I got I went from an a to a c on the pill but then I also gained 30 pounds yeah like it wasn't just in the boobs it was in my face it was everywhere it was not a good look I gained 25 pounds on just cruise ship diet I wasn't on the pill I was just eating 25 pounds yeah it's hard when you've been like all the things you know what I mean like I've been 25 pounds heavier than i am now when i was like in my 20s and i've been 20 pounds lighter than i am and like it screws you up man it really does screw you up it's a really hard thing that was fun yeah

this is a tough conversation okay anyway um flaky friends that was our topic how we got to flaky friends from that i'm sure okay should i do one more i will say though about that with the weight thing i realize there's a really easy like solution and it's spending time with people who don't obsess over it oh yeah i find that when i'm with friends who are really laid back about it i become very laid back but if i spend all my time on a set with a bunch of actresses i'm a psychopath so it really is nice that like we're all pretty chill at this point in our lives yeah and we're not like you know watch us be season two like kelly ripa like just so skinny absolutely just so muscular i love french fries too much my thing is i think after even my accident like i was so

happy when i could move again that it stopped actually mattering like about the weight or any of that or fitting in whatever clothes i was like i can do a push-up because i'm healed like yeah i'm strong well you're looking at your body more as yeah like what it can do to you know what i mean so you stop like i don't know i think like a good thing to realize too and we had this conversation yesterday it's like everybody picks themselves apart so much and nobody else notices like nobody's gonna notice if you're 10 pounds heavier or 10 pounds lighter they like literally do not so that's like a good thing to try to think about like when we're talking about it yeah and i have friends who like really fixate on features on their like certain features on their faces and

it's like a lot of the time those things are the things that i love the most about them especially now when everybody looks the same it's like the things that make you different is awesome and beautiful it's true like did you see um southern charm that girl naomi got a nose job and granted she's allowed to do whatever she wants it's her face do it if you've always wanted this and that makes you happy like whatever if you're happy do you but like i used to look at her and it's so funny that her least favorite trait or quality was something that i was like she's so like there's something about her look that is just so different and so beautiful and so exotic and then she went and changed it and it's like i bet you most people felt that way and it's the one thing she

obviously didn't love about herself so it's stuff like that that i just i get really excited when people don't change the things that are different well and that's like a reason why i stopped following everybody on instagram because it's like the standard of beauty is like that kardashian face with like the same nose job and the same lips and the same filler in your face and that's what you just keep seeing like you're being bombarded by it over and over again so even with me it was starting to brainwash me being like oh well if i did this to my face and then if i got this like you think that that's what makes you beautiful but it is like those features are what make you look different and then it's exciting to see somebody that like doesn't has a different

shape nose or has like thinner lips because that makes their face look a certain way like it's i will say i was at a wedding like a couple weeks ago and a woman unsolicitedly came up to me at the wedding and she was like i was so excited to see what you were gonna wear today i was a maid of honor and i was like oh my god she's like you look so good but who dresses you for tv it's just like you're so boxy your body doesn't look good in those clothes and i was like why do people feel like a stranger i was like well that's insane that somebody would say that in person because usually people say that shit like no and i think they're like complimenting you i think but like i think she was trying to say like you're so beautiful in person and they don't dress you

right but i'm like i have a body where from the side it's one shape and from the front i'm very square like even when i went to the golden door of the summer and i was talking to the personal trainer and I was like I really want a waist like how do I get a waist and she's like your anatomy like you don't have a waist like you're a little box frame like your shoulders are the same width as your hips and it goes straight down like that's just your body and I was like but I don't want them and she's like this is your body and I was like but it looks like boxy on tv and she was like wear a shorter skirt because you've got legs like yeah you know what I mean like great yeah so you lady people always think rude oh my god I spent literally three years with people coming

up to me being like oh my god that ponytail is that why you have such a thing about the pony Because I thought you looked so cute, but you must have, like, a thing about it because people, so many people commented on it. Well, it was, like, number one, like, being on TV in HD and having, literally, it's, like, your full face on display and no hair covering it. Yeah. It's, like, all of your, yeah. Because if you have, like, a beautiful, like, hair situation, like, Naya would always have,

like, a great, as soon as she got out of the Cheerios ponytail and, like, graduated, she had, like, the big flowing hair and, like, looked way more beautiful and glamorous. but it's literally like shaving your head and being on hd like that to me but people would do it all the time and you're like in person i'm like thank you i have to go to work tomorrow at 5 a.m and do that ponytail again i'm gonna feel super confident yeah not that i'm self-conscious enough already people really just assholes yeah they think they're being nice though and that's what i realize is that they would always be like oh my god you look so much better in person you're like thanks again i'd rather look better in person than in a picture yeah

I'd rather look better on TV than in person because more people are seeing you on TV. I think I'd rather look better on TV, too. All right. Anyway, on that note. You may look better on TV. We don't even know yet. We don't know yet, girl. I won't think I do, but whatever.

Okay. Well, um. Body positivity. Hey, hope you guys enjoyed this conversation. We're not here for a long time. We're here for a good time. That escalated quickly. Thanks for joining us on Lady Gang Quickie.

Check out new episodes of Lady Gang every Tuesday and more quickies every Thursday on PodcastOne.com, the PodcastOne app, and Apple Podcasts.