LadyGang - LG QUICKIE: Weird News

Episode Date: May 4, 2023

As an ode to Jac, things are about to get very weird in this quickie. Just like her job at Old Navy, one celeb had a job for only two weeks. Plus, a teen got stuck in a claw machine while another woman decided to spend 500 days in a cave… was it Keltie? Check out our amazing sponsors!!! Athletic Greens: Get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/ladygang  Stamps: Go to Stamps.com and sign up with code LADYGANG for a special offer that includes a 4-week trial, plus free postage, and a free digital scale! ThirdLove: Visit ThirdLove.com to get $15 off your first purchase! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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it's time for a quickie podcast one presents the lady gang the hollywood girl posse with lady gang quickie here's kelty knight becca tobin and jack vanek let's make this quick hello hello hello welcome to lady and quickie i'm back here with jack and kelty hello oh my god i'm so excited about this yeah um so this is like a weird news allegedly where i have some allegedly bites but i also like have some weird news but a lot of it like feel it feels like my heart but i'm starting this episode as an ode to jack vanik so jack well hey how are you guys first of all pretty good fine you know here in los angeles in your beautiful home yeah it's looking great we haven't been together in a bit it feels like my soul like i was so happy last night i was

gonna instagram it and then i was like i don't want to be a loser but i was like just excited see my girls. It's so nice. We do like we get once a month now. It's pretty standard, which is great. And we get shit done, which feels nice. We don't dilly dally. I realize that Zooming, it really is a real drain.

The energy on a Zoom is so dark. Is this business? Is this therapy? Is this work? Like we don't know. It's dark. It's bad. I don't know what it is. I've never felt more exhausted than when I do a Zoom. Yeah, your hair looks so good. Ew. My little bride. She goes, ew. Ew.

okay well we're gonna work on that thank you some general mayhem therapy okay that is like the epitome accepting a compliment like actually your hair looks beautiful there's nothing more that was the most genuine reaction most orange county thing that jack vanek has ever done in her life that was it nice hair i was like a zoom in of my face when that moment happened be nice to my friend seriously oh my god that was you've been working on your hair both of you and it looks so good i feel like i'm not getting the results that kelty has though unfortunately well yours is longer and it's blonder i know but yours really went from like well nothing yeah yeah so you know there's that it was like prescription when it wasn't great it's because

it was actually falling out yeah it wasn't just like oh my hair is not great it was like i was like you know yeah you're slowly dying yeah well my body had been like hey you know we're gonna to try to keep her alive yeah in order to do that we're gonna take some of our uh things that we need to do on a daily basis and shut them down like yeah grow hair you know grow hair yeah okay okay no this is this is for you jack okay so we make fun of jack a lot because she's never had a real job but she has had a real job she worked at old navy for two weeks and then the the famous the story goes if you just want to cole's notes it for us yeah i was working at old navy for two weeks and then uh it was time for spring break so as a normal high schooler does i went to go

on spring break and didn't tell them that i was going and then they fired me you don't realize you had to tell your job or she's like wait my mom didn't tell you i just like showed up they're like no you're you're you're fired and i was like great i didn't want to do a team building exercise anyways all although like a tank top from old navy guys i've gotten some great finds at old navy old navy's coming back yeah no it's and abercrombie all the places no i don't want that abercrombie don't no thank you yes no i just got some sweatshirts shorts are too short there i like it my vagina is getting longer by the minute and it's literally coming out of the side of all short things yeah okay anyway so i saw this interview with our friend jake gyllenhaal

oh i love him wait remember we hated him oh wait shit he was mean to you right yeah but then we then we made up yeah so now but he's also come around yeah he's realized he was a douche he like said he's acknowledged that he took himself too seriously oh really i thought he was a big prankster wasn't that like his thing is he does pranks no no no the thing is he thinks about acting oh no and like tell us that his sister when she's doing a period piece she will actually only live by candlelight in her house that is the stupidest thing i've ever seen her i don't like method actors i love it they're not for me it's all unless it's like nicholas cage i don't think he is he method i don't know i don't i just feel like he did when he did honeymoon in vegas

he only wore elvis suits for seven months nicholas cage i can't even tell you off single movies ew i think i don't know what's happening i don't even have a button for this i think i might have a parasite in my brain that's just like saying random shits i can't imagine nicholas cage has ever been method but we could be wrong He's going to think of the great actors of our generation. She's not like Joaquin Phoenix. Has he ever been in a good movie, Nicolas Cage?

I mean, I think that. He was in Face Off. Yeah, Face Off was wonderful. And then in Con Air. Don't even get me started. I want to know. Zach always jokes that if he ever grew his hair out, he'd look like Nicolas Cage in Con Air. And I can never unsee it.

Oh, my God. I'm sweating. was the song from con air that was so famous i don't know i don't know i've never seen it i don't know but like what wait i gotta look it up i'm sorry i even brought up the candlelight thing because it took you so off track no jake gyllenhaal was recently on armchair expert and he was talking about how soundtrack hold on no i can't move on until i know the song okay um but anyways he's like definitely how do i live really that was from that movie yeah and it was the whole thing because trisha yearwood originally sang in the country world and then connor had someone else

someone else saying it they changed leanne rhymes they gave it to someone younger and hotter no offense to trisha you're classic how do i remember just for the movie soundtrack there was a whole scandal that's so weird scandal anyway wait so what about jake jill okay jake jake got completely i can't remember i think he was on colbert anyway he was somewhere and he admitted that he's never had a real job ever either oh and i was like oh like it's you know icons only icons only and then he was like well i kind of had a job for like two weeks but like aren't they nepo babies are they not yeah so it's a lot easier yes you didn't have you know you didn't need it i think what you have is the equivalent to nepo baby like well like with no money with no money and no just love

all the love and support in the world i'm like yeah i'm a nepo love baby yeah yeah it's like you want to start a skincare line honey we think it's great no it's literally may is like i've got two kidneys i could sell one we could start it this is what it is when i started my my jack vannock brand it's like we just packed all of my orders in my parents living room yeah they just you and work for free yeah yeah well jake was actually he was a lifeguard for two weeks and he was and they were like oh did you like no and he was like no i like wouldn't have known how to save anyone's life i just sat there um and it's a lot more serious than working and then he was like and then i got fired and so i felt like don't worry there's a there's somebody out there and

honestly that story wasn't that good but it took us to con air and nicholas cage yeah our tangents were great sometimes you need it did you have a lifeguard that you like swooned over when you were young no i lived in canada there's no there's literally no swimming weather god the neighborhood pool had like teenage boys as lifeguards who also probably did not know how to save lives and my friends and i would literally sit underneath the big tall chair and just like kick our legs and talk to them all day and i think the age difference is quite alarming yeah yeah i would think so they're probably like 18 and you're like 12 yeah yeah and i remember being very horny for lifeguard they were always like the popular kids in height like the popular hot guys they look good in a

board short no tattoos yet you know yeah um okay this i had now i'm not beck i don't want you to feel left out jack can't possibly ever make me feel left out jack this is a story for you so the guardians of champagne this happened in brussels russells russells brussels it says russells i don't think that's a place okay the title of this story is called petty beers the The guardians of champagne will let no one take their name of their bubbly beverage in vain, not even Miller High Life. Miller High Life has used this slogan, the champagne of beers, for years. This week, that appropriation, they called it an appropriation, became impossible to swallow. At the request of the trade body defending the interests of houses and growers in the northeastern French sparkling wine area of Champagne,

belgium customs crushed more than 2 000 cans of miller high life advertised as the champagne of beers the champ the comité champagne asked for the destruction of a shipment of 2300 cans on the grounds of the central motto being used by the american brewery infringes the protected destination also what is miller highland doing leaving the country it has no business in europe no that's so interesting that you brought that up you can't buy it someone wanted that miller high life in champagne they love it so much the consignment was intercepted by the belgian port of antwerp in february and it was destined for germany someone in german german germany wants miller high life and someone at the port was like we don't around with miller high life it is not

the champagne and beers we your slogan we drink champagne wow and they just destroyed them crushed the cans i would have loved to see that that's a tiktok and you guys missed out that was a viral moment that was a viral moment you could have it really pissed people i i mean i feel like you know there's got to be better things that we can be doing with our time we should call ourselves the champagne of podcasting and see what happens i was gonna crush us they will crush us i wait so they didn't sue them they just destroyed their beers just tried it i don't think you can can you sue for over that like champagne it's a type of wine but i don't know it's like how pistachio like how do the pistachio brand how are they

pistachio you know what i mean because no one wants pistachios because they're disgusting i actually find a pistachio delicious if it's already shelled yeah de-shelled de-shelled yeah i think those honey mustard pistachios are so good honey mustard anything the pretzels okay but when you're at an ice honey mustard dip when you're in italy chick-fil-a honey mustard when you're so good honey mustard on a quizno sub oh my god on any piece of bread i know but the quizno is like their turkey quiznos honey mustard ew yes ew let me know when you guys are back i'm just trying to think of one more honey mustard thing yeah me too well here's what i thing i think when i'm in italy and i go to get that beautiful ice cream that they make gelato

that seems so special there and i'm in front of someone that or is the pistachio flavored i think they're a mass murderer no pistachio ice cream is weird but the pistachio is delicious there's a difference okay all right are we gonna just roll right over you pronouncing it pistachio we're just gonna keep going what is it not pistachio pistachio yeah pistachio pistachio is pistachio oh i am saying it wrong maybe it is with like a european accent when you're not european italy well i'm in the commonwealth yes canada that's not european oh yeah when we go and have our pistachios pistachios this episode of lady gang is brought to you by stamps.com and it's so crazy that i'm reading this ad right now for you because i literally

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stuck climbing into the claw machine you know the claw machine and you try oh you try to reach your hand up to grab something because you know the claw is not going to help you yeah he got stuck climbing in and i actually think this happens more often than not it's like the guy that got stuck his finger into the chipotle wall and got his finger stuck have you seen that no it's not the same at all and what is you know at chipotle their walls have a bunch of holes in them i've never noticed this do you know i never go to chipotle i hate cilantro and everything they have has a little bit that's true i know i know that deterred me from the rice like rice the do you want cilantro rice the salsa yeah no at chipotle there's like a wooden wall and it has

a bunch of different sized holes in it see it looks like that yes thank you jerry anyways this guy stuck his finger into one of the holes and got his finger stuck and then they had to call the fire truck to get his finger taken out of the chipotle wall that is so embarrassing so that's kind of like that but more embarrassing because i think it was an adult man yeah have you or yourself ever known have you or yourself have you or anyone you've known ever known anyone that has won anything with a claw machine no no jared have you i bet you probably have you have he's what's the secret jared oh okay jared says he worked in an arcade in high school persistence money yeah eventually the the claw like the claw feels like it has springs and they

just spring eventually the claw actually works it's like when i used to watch ford start eating real food his little hand it was like the claw machine like every 10 stabs he would actually get food and i'm like this is in my numbing and upsetting you're like come on dude i know the muscles are in there together oh my god i love it so much all right that would be traumatizing though like that kid is that's gonna traumatize that kid for the rest of his life must be little the kid yeah 13 13 that's not a big slot to fill it to fit in i used to go in do you remember when houses were built with bread um boxes boxes yeah in like the corner used to hide in the bread box Yeah.

What the hell is a bread box? Dude, I love that you said this because I felt so weird. For like a better part of my life into my teens, I wanted to live in the vacuum closet. I wanted to so bad on Saturday. What's a vacuum closet? What are these things? We had a tiny little, like at the end of the hallway, a tiny little closet and really it fit nothing.

And right across from it, a coat closet. So it wasn't for coats. And all it fit was like an old house has like the big vacuum. Like there was no Dyson vacuum. you had all the cord and so the cleaning supplies every saturday i would take the cleaning supplies out i would take the vacuum out i would put a pillow and i would close it because on because in the in the cereal we had no internet okay in in the cereal a little reader thing would come that if you put it by the light it would charge it was like glow-in-the-dark paper like those

stars that used to put on the roof so you charge it by the light and then you could go in the closet and you could read books alone with the little reader because i didn't have you didn't have reading lights it was before reading lights were invented i don't know if they weren't invented but i didn't have them also the way you said we didn't have internet internet didn't exist yet no i know that's what i'm saying on a saturday what was it girl well poor little me didn't have the internet no no no in general like we didn't have internet like what was it what were kids doing on a saturday when your parents were like entertain yourself for 16 hours i'd already gone to the mud bogs collected frogs oh my god i came back by the way my house had a fence we had a

really high fence like a six foot fence this is how much my parents didn't love me we had a six foot high fence that like you know this fence that has like the etching like this it separates like an outdoor area yeah so like we had a little deck that had a fire pit and this like six foot high fence that had the etching and then like the other side which was like concrete and the top of that fence had like a two by four and it went very long i thought i was ali reisman going to the olympics she was not even born yet at all exactly i didn't know who i was i thought i was carrie dominique whoever whoever and i was six feet in the air one side is wood to fall the other side is concrete at the end is grass and i would do roundoffs and cartwheels like all day i was

doing my whole full routine like children normally are doing their full routine on a balance beam with like some soft padding beside it i would just fall out of the concrete like i really nobody's why you're scrappy nobody yeah they were like cool you got frogs now you did your routine time to go to the closet in the vacuum closet time to read with your fruit loops a special reader okay it's very harry potter of you yeah okay last thing did you see the story about this woman who wanted to break i love this woman she is me i will break this record i'm coming for you darla whatever her name is i love her she went into a cave for like 500 days 50 days 500 days 500 days 500 days she had food she i here's what she said when she came out people are like

oh my god how do you feel and she goes in fact i didn't want to come out she used i used the time to read draw weave to enjoy i was where i wanted to be oh my god and she admitted to missing certain things but she said this is part of the project there's nothing to do but accept it and she apologized for stumbling over her answers to the questions she said i've been not talking for a year and a half i find it very difficult wait what was her food i need to know what i don't know does she was there any light she was just no light but how does she read glow in the dark from cereal boxes yeah how what kelsey that literally is you when you were a kid like you that should have been you in cave for 500 days eat she had to have a lot of goldfish or exercise like did she walk

anywhere she just sat she read 60 books i'm getting more info i'm so that many books it's like how many books you read in 500 i read three books this week um yeah sexy mature okay you should pick the right one 70 meters below the earth's surface oh my god i was expecting to come out and have a shower i didn't expect there to be so much interest okay where would she eat ew i got very i i talked to myself she had the silence of the cade i'm an elite sportswoman she used two cameras to oh she had a little headlamp little headlamp okay the flies were the worst part ew there was an invasion of flies they came in they because she didn't shower their larvae and i didn't control it and so i solely ended up

enveloped by flies it wasn't healthy but it was what it was oh my god this is nuts when she felt slightly irked this is so me she felt slightly irked when they came down to get her from the cave i was sleeping or at least dozing when they came down to get me i thought something had happened i said already i'm not ready to go i haven't finished my book oh my god 500 days is so yep is that two years a year and a half yeah of no like she couldn't walk around i'm sure that much unless it was like a long cave system anyway on that note if you need me i'll be in my fucking closet yeah right you would be except she the difference is she didn't have social media well yeah and she's like i didn't think it was gonna be that big of a deal i thought i'd come out and

take a shower you'd have the news sources i'd have a plant yes yeah yeah you'd have a people article ready to go i'm about how the book is ready the memoir is written the movie based on my life is sold yeah i'm ready to emerge call reese i'm ready to go yeah reese okay bye bye thanks for listening the lady gang is produced by alex ingber steve delameter and jared monaco make sure you subscribe rate and review our podcast and if you love it share it with your friends on social media like oh my god i just listened lady gang this episode's so great swipe up to listen and if you really want to which we know you do please follow us on social at kelty at becca at jack vanek and at the lady gang sign up for our newsletter at the lady gang.com and

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