LadyGang - LG QUICKIE: WORST FIRST

Episode Date: July 11, 2024

In honor of our new "You Never Forget Your First" tour, we welcomed the community to send in their own voicemails of their "worst firsts." Today, we listen to them and discuss the LadyGang community's wildest stories. We love hearing from you!  Check out our amazing sponsors!!! Quince: Need high quality essentials? Go to Quince.com/lady for free shipping on your order AND 365-day returns! Kion Aminos: Be good to your body! Save 20% at GetKion.com/ladygang   Huggies: Get your baby’s butt into Huggies’ best fitting diaper! Huggies Little Movers. We got you, baby.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

It's time for a quickie. Podcast one presents the Lady Gang, the Hollywood girl posse with Lady Gang Quickie. Here's Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. Let's make this quick. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to Lady Gang Quickie. I am Becca. You're with Jack and Kelty.

Hello. Kelty Knight. Did you cut your hair? Yes. Okay. It wasn't us. The same thing. It's cute.

I like the layers. Tucker cut it. I got some layers because I'm mostly wearing wigs. Can you tell? What? You can tell. Well, you saw my wig in person. I can tell. Only because we know, really know you. But I don't think people care and I also feel like nobody cares.

My hair after my surgery, so when they put you under anesthesia, you know you die a little bit, right? They don't actually know how anesthesia works. Do you know this? They know nothing about anesthesia. They don't really know, but you're dead. Essentially, you're dead. So your hair gets really dry after surgery i don't know if you guys know that yeah like it really messed with your hair so

literally right after my surgery my hair just like started frying off because it just like interesting i was under for like almost eight hours for my surgery that's so crazy so is this something like a fact or did you just you're just i am almost positive you can look it up i feel like that your hair is dry your hair after surgery like even tucker was like oh no no after surgery your hair is like screwed like it dies a little bit and it's one of the first things to like shrivel up jack well there is an ai answer but during surgery doctors use anesthesia to put the body into very relaxed state when this happens it causes the fast-paced cell division occurring in your hair follicles to slow down this can cause a significant disruption in the normal production

process but like your hair wouldn't have grown like the end of your hair wouldn't have been affected she was dry i don't know anyway it was dry it's been dead for a long time fake so i have four wigs now that i'm rotating for e-news because it's just so much easier to roll in braid up the hair put on the wigs and then i have like a cute look so i have ashley tisdale ashley tisdale has a little bang she's a little darker that's what i was wearing with you you met ashley then i have stacy ferguson who is named after fergie from black eyed peas middle part just like long like very duchess then i have chaos with a k like kardashians with my bob i have one unnamed wig which is the wrong color should it be baby june baby june baby june um

anyway so i just feel happy because i really like to have like a real look at e-news yeah the fun thing is guys we're playing so much like such a fun game with john pasquale in my ep because he doesn't know i'm wearing wigs yet and he hasn't figured it out so he'll just come up to me he's like kathy did you get highlights your hair is so blonde i love it and then the next day i'm like wearing Ashley Tisdale and it's more like musty Brown. And then he won't say anything. And then the next day I'd be like, your hair looks fire. I love you blonde. And then like, this is where I'm wearing Stacey Ferguson. Men, men. Anyway, I love it. And I actually have an appointment at the wig. Is that Fergie's real name? Yeah. Stacey? Stacey Ferguson is her full name. I, um, actually

have an appointment next week at the wig fairy, which is in LA and they do, they do so many good wigs. And listen, there's a lot of different reasons. Like not, I'm not making fun of wigs. There's a lot of different reasons people wear wigs, whether you want to protect your hair texture, whether you've gone through something traumatic where, you know, alopecia, chemo, like there's, I'm lucky that I get to have a good set of hair and then wear a wig. Like I fully agree, but you know, it's just makes my life easier. But anyway, I'm going to the wig fairy and show the work, you know, show the work.

They have fierce wigs. Anyway, it was really fun because I put Derek, sometimes I put Derek in the wigs. Oh, cute. Oh my God. He looks great in a wig. Okay. so today on the lady gang we have in honor of our tour which is called never forget your first yes I totally forgot I was gonna say lady secrets we um have our worst first so we launched this app

where you can leave us a dm or a voicemail and we ask people for their worst first and what I meant was what we meant was like your worst first car your worst first like whatever but we got a lot of sex stories but they're so funny you guys and so we wanted to play some of your like lady in community is everything and we're trying to figure out a really fun game to play yeah when we're on tour about worse first because it's all about the firsts of your life um and so are you guys ready to hear some worse first yes they're crazy okay here we go okay when i was studying abroad in France uh the first week I met this Canadian French boy and he was a little bit dorky but for some reason I just really wanted to hook up with him and my dorm room was the smallest thing ever

literally a shoebox with the smallest like half of a twin bed size and um we ended up making out on a picnic bunch in the park and then went to my dorm room and I was on my period and when I told him that like in a French accent he was like oh other women tell me this and then he was like but can I put it up your butt and uh well I never did that before and we tried for like one second and even though he had literally the tiniest dick ever I was like oh no no no you cannot put it there and then he was like done in one second i don't even know what he did because it wasn't there and then he left we said bye and he never talked to me again even though we had classes together and we're in the same building for the next five months while i studied abroad

he ignored me wouldn't make eye contact with me and yeah so that was awkward we we can i put it up your butt can i put it up your butt also i have so many questions start from the beginning okay first of all if you're willing to put it in her butt why not just have sex on her period 100 it's not like you're avoiding the gross some some bodily functions yeah so why is it less why is it more appropriate to put it in the butt versus a period vagina i think it's actually the opposite i if i was a man i would rather period than bum well yeah well i think men love a bun they love a bun they love a bun they love a bun i will go back to my original thought that i was thinking about five seconds

ago that men men that are too scared or like don't like having sex with a woman on their period I don't trust like I feel like a man no I I agree to an extent but you know the way that I am with spit yeah same I like if there was a way to avoid a time of the month where I didn't have to deal with spit yeah i would do that so some guys and i don't think it's like i don't think it's misogynistic because frankly i don't want my period blood anywhere other than inside of me in a period either yes yeah so it's like if i don't want that like i just don't like a man being grossed out by my body well i don't think it's a gross out i think it's a it's it's kind of like understood becca because it's like i'm gonna defend the men here they we we're taught that

we're not allowed to talk about it yeah so like how do you think the men feel they're probably like pulling I think sometimes men probably pull our old tampons out of the garbage to look at them to be like this is how it works because who's teaching them I think there's I think there's a mixture I think there's men who don't mind it at all like there's probably men who actually enjoy it yeah and I think there's men who are like I could probably like take it or leave it so I'm probably gonna avoid that time I used to be offended by it if a man wasn't just like wanted to because it's like take your scraps take my scraps no i know well that's how i still feel like that i'm like you should be wanting me all of the time no matter what is going on i can't be

a hypocrite and since i didn't you know give blowjobs and spit then i can't really be you know judgmental yeah i'm so judgmental again so but i mean the moral of the story is that guy's a loser and he tried to put it up her butt with his not judging very small penis didn't she didn't know where he came but he came at some point and then didn't talk to her ever again yeah but i've got to say like dude this is on you she didn't do anything wrong she just was on her period yeah i just like you know how always on lady gang i'm always like i should have had like a a really runaway romance with a european lover it would have been that now i think it would be this and he's d whoever you are i'm happy you live this instead of me french canadian so it doesn't

count that's true okay here we go yeah that's true for you okay this is from cass so my worst first it's my ex-husband oh my parents met him for the first time at their house having dinner my mom's sitting there and it's her because she's trying to figure out where she knows him from why he looked so familiar then finally it dawns on her that she's seen him on the tv local news for our city's police department's most wanted yep she figured it out first time she met him yes ex-husband long story thought about it now but that was my first

worst wait talk about I need to know more I know Cass can you please write us a dictonomy on like all of this I need to know the crime is dictonomy a word? yeah what was that? dichotomy?

dichotomy you're not using that correctly a dichotomy is like when they're like too opposing I mean you're using it i i married someone who loves the local news and it's so funny because i make fun of him so much but then i catch myself getting sucked in and i'll find fun events to do on the weekend in austin yes or dangerous people criminals in town or things that are happening like bodies being

thrown in the river um did did you know this jack we have a serial killer in austin and they can't figure out they just keep finding young men's bodies in the river it's been like a whole thing yeah i want to know there is like they thought there was like a theory that it was like he was called the smiley face girl killer because it was like college age men yeah like drunk wandering home and like end up in a river yeah and then there was like a bunch of them that they found like smiley faces like graffiti near them but it was like a loose theory but yes i do know that i think it's a woman that's killing them yeah like pushing their bodies back up women's serial the dichotomy the dichotomy of it all caught to me um no please expand on your story i gotta know

more yeah we ended up being an ex-husband which meant that the mom had probably the beginning of the end yeah she met she met him at dinner they eventually married and then divorced but she was willing to overlook the most wanted felon oh this does remind me i meant to tell you guys i got jail mail lately oh i got new jail mail can you read it on lady gang they can get um now cable in jail now rude no but that was your whole explanation for why when you were on cbs you got so much jail mail because they only get network now they get cable box in the first place here's the thing i used to get my jail mail sent to the cbs studios now jail mail comes on email and it's called, um, write a prisoner or write a something like, I can't remember the

exact website. I can look it up, but it's like soon to be released.com. It's for people that are getting out and they want to try to make connections. And I got it. Like I'm, I'm coming out soon. I'd like to meet you. Why don't you hire an intern from there? You think that would be a fun reality show? Can we, no, can we read your mail on lady gang? But that's all it said. It was just like, Hey, there's a message from I'm getting out soon.com. Read it. But no, that was, that was the message. I want to connect with you, but I don't want to connect.

Oh, that's weird. There wasn't like any problem with new school jail mail. Like I just want the handwritten note about how beautiful I am. I don't want to have to like accept your message. Like he needs to help you on his next thing. No, no, no. She wanted me to come to her house in Sherman Oaks and like steal her money. You know what I mean?

Okay, here we go. Phil, you almost said your address right there. Totally. Totally. The Lady Gang. This is from Brandy. Hi, Lady Gang. I love that you're doing this.

My name is Brandy, and my story isn't about technically my first, but after breaking up with my first boyfriend ever, who I was with for over two years, and he was my first, I waited a while to get back out there. So I finally meet a guy and I'm like so nervous to have sex again for like somebody new was only my second partner. And I finally see what he's equipped with. And he was massive. My ex was like decent.

This guy was massive. At least nine inches. The girth. Oh, my God. Girth. And I was terrified, but I said, I got to get back out there. Like, I have to do it at some point. So, you know, I didn't realize that we needed more lube than we had, our own natural lube.

And, well, he slid in, and I tore open. I got a four-inch incision on the inside of my vagina. I was gushing blood all over the bed. It looked like a crime scene. And I ran to the bathroom, trail of blood following me. I was mortified. And I was like, well, that's that. Then he reached back out and I was like, did you not want to check on me?

Like, what happened? I had to have stitches. This was serious. um eventually why i don't know but we did it again but this time we used a lot of coconut oil and i did not tear open again but damn did it hurt he was just so big it was painful so he will forever be referred to by my friends as coconut oil oh wow which before we start coconut oil like breaks down a condom. Oh yeah. So yeah. If you're looking for a safe sex situation, coconut oil is not a good loop. Yeah. Just a PSA. I just have never seen a penis that

big. I'm going to die. I've seen so many penis. I say nine inches breakable. I have such good penis karma. What does that mean? Meaning the majority of the penises like we're big, we're big. oh like i had one good oh because you might have done well in a past life well they're giving you a big one good luck when it comes like i've only had one that's so up because you're so small you know my vagina is probably the same size as the average girl yeah um so i yeah i've only had one experience that was very, very small. Everyone else has been fine. Yeah. Pretty much above average. It's not weird. Yeah. Did you want to say what you're going to say when that was on or no? Okay. So I had, when I was in high school, I had a boyfriend and

he had a large penis and I didn't have experience at all, but every time we had sex, I would bleed like shark attack no yeah so we would this i hope that my family my husband turn keep it in the gang guys but when you say yeah keep it in the gang um so we started having to have sex only in showers because it would just did it hurt no not at all really not at all weird so of course like as a young person does, I never really addressed it beyond. I was just like, well, this is what happens to my vagina when it happens. This is like, this is normal. And then like 10 years ago, I was having sex with somebody and it happened again, like all over the bed. And he was like, did you get your period? I'm like, no, I definitely didn't. And that's not period blood.

It's like a bright red and it's like liquidy liquid. And it happened almost every time that we had sex and so i finally being an adult at this point i went to my gyno and she was saying when you're with somebody with a very large penis you can get these little lesions inside and the skin inside is very like tender yeah delicate so you can get these little tiny tears ouch but it was i actually wanted i wanted to know later which i would never but i want to know if those guys had that with every partner probably right probably with a lot there's a thing is too big but the guy that 10 years ago it had already had sex with a number of women and he didn't mention that it was had happened to other people yeah i probably gets off on it too which is gross

it's so strange she's like when i see those big basketball players i'm just like it doesn't matter how tall they are it doesn't no i mean sometimes it's proportionate sometimes it's not right that's true uh well i'm sorry that happened to you becca it's fine it didn't hurt but that girl she had some pain and ouchies stitches that's how do you even get stitches that's like what happens when you give up in there no the baby's like lower like that's like the wait she must have torn in her cervix not in her cervix oh i have those i had those stitches they're not fun do they just go away dissolve they dissolve but do you know what the craziest part i can talk about it now is that finally i know people are like in their reviews please stop talking about your fucking

surgery okay i see you they've said this some people this is why you feel bad about yourself because you're reading reviews the dumbest thing ever um but anyway here's what's crazy about internal surgeries is that you think they're gonna snip and sew but they don't it's a brand you guys it's a hot scissor well that would make sense so they take your why do you know this because i didn't watch didn't you watch i did not watch where they put you upside down i watched that And then I was like, no, no, no more. It wasn't until I was like at seven weeks post-surgery that I watched my surgery on YouTube and they have a hot scissor.

Your own surgery. Not my own surgery, but the hysterectomy. So crazy. They go into your fallopian tube and it's just a hot scissor. It scalds and burns and castrites or whatever it is at the same time. Castrites. Yeah. So there's no, I mean, there's stitches on my cervix, but the other parts, when they

cut off your ovary. That's an easier way to do it. It's burnt. Yeah. i would never go looking like i don't want to know at no i don't i didn't want to know either but then i got interested my mom i was like mom did you watch the surgery she's like yeah i had to i'm like okay hold on there's more so my worst first is the first hookup i had after losing my virginity to my boyfriend i had only had sex with one person and did not really know much about the

condom game didn't really know much about the sex game in general just kind of knew what i knew with the one guy i am on a date with another man i am feeling ready to have sex with somebody else and he comes up to my apartment things are hot and heavy and i asked him if he has a condom he did not and so i go into my bathroom i start searching around for anything that my ex had left behind sure enough there was a strip of condoms and i gave one to save sex good girl he puts it on unfortunately he puts it on inside out and it was a fire and ice condom and his dick is immediately on fire and he starts panicking and he is just screaming what is this what is this and i am reminded of maybe like a year ago my ex buying a pleasure pack that had you know different types

of condoms in it and we only used it once because um the fire and ice experience in my vagina was absolutely terrible so this guy rips the condom off his dick it's on fire it's on ice maybe 20 minutes and needless to say we did not have sex um he left and a couple days later we went on another date back went back to his house he had purchased his own condoms and unfortunately he couldn't get it up uh i think the trauma of it all just really killed the mood and we never never went out again so there was that oh poor guy not the fire and ice condom i didn't even know that was a thing well this is literally a kirby enthusiasm episode i can't remember what exactly happen but larry and um oh my god cheryl cheryl are having sex how dare you i know i know

this is really embarrassing larry and cheryl were having sex and then like right after she's like something's like burning she's like i'm burning on the inside and she like couldn't figure out what it was i think it was a fire and ice condom so why were they using condoms they're married i don't know great question i don't know well they didn't have kids maybe he didn't have a vasectomy you didn't have a snippy ship i don't remember but it was there was a curb your enthusiasm twist in there do you just remember when you were 20 and you'd go into the sex store and be like you know what we need to get all the flavors of lube like i look at that i think about that now and i was like the yeast infection yeah the young vagina was really resilient the ph was

just phing down there it was phing it was more fluid it was just more fluid that kept things moving yeah I know now it's a stagnant desert it is like I could look at that online and get a yeast infection I know yeah but with the scent alone oh my god it's like if I'm not even using the right soap yeah I'm like I have to be so careful air it out right pajamas cotton only it's exhausting yeah it's a whole thing we're old anyway thank you for playing worse first we weren't here for a long time bye thank you so much for listening the lady gang is produced by steve delameter stacy para jared monaco and social support from amy ryerson it really means the world to us when you show up

in our community outside the podcast so sign up for our secret facebook group just search the lady gang under groups follow us on instagram and tiktok at the lady gang and the most important thing you can do is share this episode with a friend we would love that so much thanks for listening hey girlies I'm Cody Rigsby and I'm Andrew Chappelle we're here to announce our brand new podcast tactful pettiness now on podcast one we have a lot of opinions flip-flops in New York City you don't love yourself if I'm not seated I'm not tipping do I want to see a picture of your baby no if i have to scroll more than 10 seconds he's not cute settling gets you an ugly boyfriend so we're gonna help you out get new episodes of tactful pettiness every thursday anywhere you get

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