LadyGang - Live From LadyHang with Spencer Pratt!

Episode Date: January 9, 2018

In their first ever live podcast from Wanderlust in LA, The Ladies bring the podcast to you! Along with social media star Spencer Pratt, they read mean tweets, play a special version on Wassa Happening? and give out some Lady Boxes with a riveting round of LadyGang trivia! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey guys, it's your Lady Gang, Jack Vanek, Kelty Knight, and Becca Tobin. Thank you so much for subscribing on iTunes, and thanks for supporting the great sponsors who make it possible for us to have this much fun with you every single week for free. Well, what is this? Welcome to the Lady Gang. That's amazing. Say that again. The Lady Gang.

Things are about to change around here. Each week, we catch up with Hollywood's hottest girl posse, Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to the Lady Gatorade! Okay, you guys, by the way, we're so f***ing nervous. We're so nervous. Becca just ate her feelings in avocado toast. I just ate seven pieces of avocado toast.

In a row. It's in my teeth. I'm also sweating. It's December and my vagina is wet. With sweat. um okay first of all before we get started thank you guys for showing up for the best day ever who knew such terrible women could bring together such incredible women I do have to say this is all pretty much to Becca because Kelty and I didn't want to do an event because we thought there were a lot of people here yeah I was like no one's gonna come it's

made me feel bad about myself and Becca if you do everything I'll come so and I was like I've never had a birthday party without a wait list so this is gonna be fine must be nice Becca yeah so thanks for coming for my party um first of all I want to say women right we have the most incredible fans listeners but among those people are our female team it's it's all women except for ricky my manager who's basically a woman and our agent josh who's an honorary lady gang member and also the um jeans man that's handing out champagne how hot is jeans man you're welcome but we just want to say thank you for showing us that our hobby we started two years ago um could become something so incredibly amazing you inspire us every day yeah and i'm gonna stop

before i cry we have a lady lawyer we have our lady elena we have so many we have a lady agent look at lady everything back there he's looking he's hotter than the real jeans man definitely anyway all right so time to start now it's time for bad week jack it's you i'm gonna start it off um what the hell was that i just felt i'm already drunk i was nervous wait don't fill up my cup there's no oh there is yeah there is i'll fill you up thank you i'm so nervous okay okay jack okay um i'll talk while becca's filling up the drink so my good week was one of our favorite things which is a good week by proxy which means the week happened to somebody else and I, it's, I'm now taking it as my own. However, this good

week was somebody else's bad week and I found joy in it because we're terrible people and that's just what happens. So I was recently staying at my aunt's house, um, and she is divorced, lives by herself, technologically advanced. She like, she's got her shit together and she got one of those amazon fire sticks and she was bragging to me about how she watched this life hack video on youtube and now she like can get netflix and hulu and all this stuff for free so she wanted to show like our entire family so she like gathers us all around oh god we sit like in her living room and she was she was like trying to show us you know how she was doing how you can listen to podcasts what how you can listen to podcasts how you can listen to the lady gang she's like for you know

first you gotta like you know press this button this button porn comes on what kind so first of all it was just like the intro site to like youporn.com or whatever whatever site you could choose i guess and she she doesn't notice so the rest of our family are just like looking at each other like this is amazing oh my god when is she gonna notice and she's like oh you know that's not right and she kind of has bad vision and she keeps pressing all these buttons and it's like every button she presses just keeps getting more down the rabbit hole of youporn.com to where it's like started off as like a nice like a family porn a nice yeah you know a starter starter series and then and then it's just like girl on girl then anal then furries then all this shit until

she finally realizes and then she's like oh oops and i'm like this is literally a gift from god thank you for this good week thank you aunt Catherine Catherine what's your bad week my bad week so every time that like I think that life is going great and like I'm like you know what I don't I don't know if I have a bad week this week so I have to like pull something out of the archives it's like God is looking down upon me and it's just like Jacqueline here's your bad week so is everybody ready to hear about the worst date I've ever been on I know I am so to preface this Becca and I and my mom got chemical peels what I didn't what are you talking about Becca's perfect she never gets anything done so we got this chemical peel done

and for anybody that doesn't know how a chemical peel works they like rub acid on your face and then like 48 hours later your skin starts peeling off so we get this done on a Monday and for 48 hours your skin is supposed to look amazing like you're you're gonna be glowing and it's all tight you don't have to wear makeup so we got this done on a Monday I had a first date on a Tuesday with this guy that I had been talking to terrible scheduling but he seemed awesome and like he was a lawyer and he was going out of town after so I'm like you know what my skin's gonna be great I don't have to wear makeup might as well go so I get to the date he's sitting at the bar and you know we start talking I look great because my skin looks amazing like I am feeling myself you know

we're getting to know each other he's asking me what I do I'm like at this podcast we talk about like dating and relationships and he's like oh I better not end up on it I'm like no no it's really bad bad dates the worst dates I ever go on end up on the podcast not this one so we're talking and then I'm like kind of like leaning over the bar and I touch my face and I'm like oh fuck it's starting like it's my skin is it happens like this like your period happens like that and then once your skin starts peeling off it has a mind of its own and it just like spreads and there's just skin everywhere and also when you have a peel you can't peel the skin off because it ruins the skin underneath so then you just have to let the skin just like hang off your face

so i'm sitting there for like it's like baby foot it's like baby foot for your face literally yes and your skin just peels off so i'm sitting there and i'm like how long can i last before i have to go to the bathroom and try to like take the skin off my face so we did like half an hour went to the bathroom which was a communal bathroom like situation which i hate and we need a space for ourselves we do and i'm sitting there and i'm like okay i have these little scissors i start like, cutting off the skin on my face, and it's just, it's to the point of no return that, like, I'm, you know, I've got to go back and tell this guy that, like, we have to cut our date short and reschedule. When's the wedding? So, I go out there, and I tell him, and he's, like, very

understanding, and we, you know, talk about rescheduling, and then he goes to pay the bill, and three things happen first thing he goes no that'd be bad though he pays the bill goes to stand up he is six inches shorter than he said on his dating profile i was taller than him second thing that happened he picked something up from the side of his seat it was a denim fedora oh no your favorite and then lastly we go outside to get an uber and he pulls out an e-cig it's iconic cheers cheers yeah our babies will be tiny oh Would you like to go?

I can feel her She wants to go Wait, can anybody feel Kalti's insane energy right now? She's only wearing a watch because she has to keep track of time We can't go over I would like to, for my good week bring up the newest issue of Us Weekly

I'll just go to the front where the most important things are no probably there's me now the reason this is my good week because it was a plan that i hatched so well i saw kelly croco wear that star dress and i wrote the people and i know that don't talk about that yet i wrote the pr people and i was like i would love to wear that dress and i'm gonna do a who wore it better and they were like great for sure let's get it so they lent me the dress. I wore it to the Coco premiere. I looked amazing, although the picture they picked

on Us Weekly is disappointing. I don't know who Stephanie Beatriz is. I think she's from Brooklyn Nine-Nine, but anyway, whatever. So I wore the dress knowing that I was going to get some Who Wore It Better love from the regs. But what happened was, usually, as you know, I'm a Z-list celebrity, so I get in the Z-list mags, like Life and Style. Also known as Z-List for Americans. Oh, right. OK Magazine. Like, you know, the tabloids that are trashy.

It really is. On the hierarchy of tabloids, people in Us are like the A-list. OK? It's true. It's the Gucci of magazines. So when I saw myself in the Us Weekly, I was so excited. Now, I did lose. Kaley Cuoco, 40% wore it best.

Stephanie, who I've never heard of, 32%. Me, 28%. But it doesn't matter because guess who's in the third page of Us Weekly? Millions of people are going to be looking at me, being extra hot. And you better believe that I made Elena get me five copies, and I've already pasted one of them into my scrapbook. Thank you. Bad week?

Bad week. So, I know you're all emotionally scarred after the tampon story of last week. Even Chris had to say to me, Kelty, if it's not something you can tell me, it's probably not something you should tell the world. And I was like, no, but it's my lady gang. So as you guys know, I'm very famous. And when I'm at the airport, people recognize me all the time.

And I'm at the airport a lot. And so I was in the airport line for the bathroom because I was flying Delta, not my regular American, and I was in the peasant line. And I could see that people knew who I was. And this girl behind me was like, I love your work. And I was like, thanks, girl. I didn't know what work she was talking about, but I'll take any of it.

So then we both go, two stalls open at the same time. We open, we go into side-by-side stalls. I'm on my period. Always. I don't know how this happens. Me too. And I have to change my tampon. So I take the tampon out, and I put the new tampon in.

Now, the ladies will understand what I'm talking about. You know when you put the new tampon in, but it might be a heavy flow day, and there's some remnants on the applicator? I'm sorry, you're four. You're too young for this story. anyway you know there's some remnants can you nod so i don't feel alone thank you okay so there's some remnants on the tampon applicator and i go to do what i normally do at the airport which is to put like the applicator in the little paper sandwich bag that's in the little tin thing that

you open right the feminine hygiene trash so i go to put it in and i i'm like just you don't flush your tampons you're not supposed to it's not good for the applicator it's a plastic okay sorry sorry. So I go to plop the applicator into the lunch bag thing and then I hear it go onto the floor and the stall next to me because there was no trash. It was just a hole with a little flap and it went right next door to my fan. So guess what I did everyone? I ran out of there faster than you've ever seen me run. I didn't wash my hands. I didn't pass go I was like I'm out it wasn't me so wow bad week wow well this is gonna be a tampon centric day so I'm sorry for the three men who are here except jeans man sorry dad okay

jeans man's the kind of guy that would go down on you in your period totally whatever we love you oh okay so um my dad is a lady gang avid listener yes he is even after i've talked about all the different things sharting blow jobs all the things he still listens on his walks by the river swear to god so he texts me this week and he says i've come up with a Lady Gang dictionary word. Yes. Wait, he came up with one? We just find them.

He came up with it. Yes. Two of them. He said, I was inspired by last week's episode. Oh, no. Dot, dot, dot. Tampinesia.

Kelsey suffered from tampinesia. As we all do sometimes. sometimes I put one in and I go a couple hours and I put another in because I forgot there's already one in there can I get a round of applause if anyone can relate thank you thank you thank you father Tobin his second one not as exciting but still very impressive um my good week a few weeks ago was about the girl who had sex with her postmate that came from my friend Sammy who's here hey sammy um my dad said it's called post mating wait oh my god yeah post mating is incredible is blown i'm speechless isn't it so good don't

you want to do some post mating tonight jack probably not okay well i'm on my period so i can't you're also married I'm married because I can't okay bad week bad week I can this might be a little long because you need a backstory and we're live and she can't stab me for going over oh I thought you pointed to me no no this one she can't hurt me okay ready so I'll talk quickly I moved to LA five years ago and every single woman was like oh my god you have to get to a Korean spa. I was like, what is this Korean spa I'm hearing about? I go to my Korean spa with a friend. I get there and there's a bunch of old women sitting on turned over buckets, totally naked. Like things, they're doing things naked that you shouldn't even do in a dress. They're

naked. And they're using a loofah, one loofah. I was like, ooh, a communal loofah. Then I realized this isn't the loofah they brought to share amongst friends it's the loofah that the spa provides for anybody to use communal loofah I was like that's disgusting but I'm not a quitter I'm going to try a different Korean spa so I've been going to this one for several years and it really hasn't scared me away except for the staph infection that I got a couple weeks ago again I'm resilient I go again and I at this point I'm so comfortable being naked it's like I've never I was never really like a naked person but I wasn't a never nude one of those people who like your sister's never even seen your areolas that's weird but I was not like stretching naked or like

lounging naked I mean bummer for you however now I am so into being naked at these places like I'll prop my leg up naked and just sit there and I just love it because nobody even cares they're just nobody cares they're not even taking inventory of what's happening with my pubic hair it's so good well I take a shower with my friend Leah she was a guest on the Lady Gang that's

that's the only reason why she's famous by the way because she's been our guest oh Leah yeah yeah yeah the girl that came you know Leah Michelle yeah okay so we're at the spa together and we take a shower together picture that and she's the toughest bitch I know

nothing grosses her out she'll go in a back alley if someone's promising her a foot massage okay so we're in the shower together and I'm like you know lathering up and she bends over to the big like Costco jug of shower gel which I'm sure is like truck stop bathroom soap and she leans over and she pops her head up and it's like a look I've never seen on this girl's face before and she goes whatever you do um don't look behind the shower gel so of course I look behind the shower gel tampon tampon the question that follows this when I've told this story about twice now is was it used obviously I don't know it was a tampon not in an applicator and it didn't fall out of somebody's handbag it's in a shower the handbag

it fell out of was her vagina. But I'm going to go back because it's great there. All right. Jack, would you like to introduce our new segment that we're introducing for the first time to our super fans at the Lady Hang?

So when we were talking about today's episode... It is an episode for people listening. We wanted to do something special for you guys. Yes. And we know you're all amazing. And you love us. And write amazing iTunes reviews for us. But there are

some trolls out there that have written some shitty f***ing reviews. And we're gonna read. Like Eloise. Do you guys remember Eloise? She's probably here. Eloise if you're here. She's probably a fan now. Um, so this segment is called. It's called Later Haters.

Later Haters. Which by the way, we've also realized that like everything we do is like some pun. It's a pun. And at some point, we're just going to have our own Lady Gang language that nobody's going to understand. Except you guys. Everything is something else. Okay, so we've prepared five.

We're each going to read one in our segment called Lady Haters. We have not read these. We haven't read them. Elena prepared them. Take whatever one you want. Oh, Jack goes for the... Are you going to be able to see, Jack? No.

Okay, I'll read yours for you. Oh, I can try. Okay. Becca, you want to go first? Yeah, mine's so short. Okay, hold on. You want to go first? I'm kind of upset.

Something about us killing her brain cells. Who cares? Okay. take that one okay okay I'll go okay where does it start oh this is long okay there's some on the back too oh okay you ready okay um this is from can I say who it's from yes Sasha Sasha VVV bitch these women are delusional 30 something high school mean girls You get yeast infections and UTIs more than anyone I've ever heard of. I don't like mine.

Now she's batching our hygiene. Also, I am not a 30-something. I'm 30. You are 30-something now, Jack. I hate to tell you. Being 30 is 30-something. It's 30 at zero. Is there more?

I'm not done. Oh, there's more. Okay. More than I've ever heard. Seriously. One of them has a yeast infection slash UTI that they talk about every other episode. I think that was me. They chomp their food into the microphone, and Jack.

Like what? That's not your real name? Jack. Whoever that bitch is. Has the worst Muppet laugh. They have a super secret Facebook group that isn't remotely secret because you can find it by searching Facebook in this group. That's true.

It's not that secret. You said it was secret. Sasha, you're right. We do call it secret. It's not. Whatever. When you disagree with a mod, moderator, for those of you who don't know, because I didn't, get ready to be kicked the hell out of the group.

This was one of the girls that probably got kicked out and burned her lady box. Wait, mine is so good. Can I go? Go. I'll go after you. Go. Thank you, Sasha. Kalia.

The title is horrible. if i could give zero stars i would all three of them are so far up their asses it's unbelievable would not recommend to anyone kelty did just hold up in us weekly of herself and to pick it up on that one okay last one from nick brenson boy boy subject i want my time back review is the first few months of this podcast was great and then it started

it turned into a non-stop self-promotion BS-a-thon I'm so sick of these rich chicks talking about being fake rich shut up, you're rich one of you is on TV one of you is an uber successful TV show and this is my favorite

one has a 0% unique merchandise brand being peddled all over the place get over it peace out losers thank you so much thank you later haters can i just say something for the people that think we're rich um elena bought these trees at target for 60 dollars and we're returning them after i hope no one works for target because we're not that rich yes yes all right are you ready are you guys ready for some prep back

Now back to the Lady Gang. Spencer! Spencer! Spencer! Spencer! Spencer! Spencer! Spencer! Spencer! You're over there! You're over there! I have prepared an introduction for you. Oh, one of Kelsey's introductions. Our guest today was calling the paparazzi on himself before I even knew how to call the paparazzi on myself. They're outside.

A hummingbird connoisseur, the king of Snapchat, a top-rated Taylor Swift historian, the man who put crystals on the map long before Kim Kardashian, your weird friend who doesn't shower and lives in Silver Lake did, one half of the most notorious celebrity couple of all time, Spidey, and now a father to Baby Gunna. please welcome to the lady hang the lady gang the second most popular episode of all time in downloads the pride daddy himself how does it feel i think i'm out of a heart attack i don't know if it's all the espresso or the good energy but i feel really good right now Oh, my God. God bless all of you. Instead of doing an interview about Spencer, because you can read everything about him

in the people exclusive he sold. No, no, no. I boycotted people. Oh, don't. You want more people? They didn't include the Miracle Baby in the 2017 baby issues. They are over. Yeah, they're over.

Dead. Nobody buy people. That's rude. We decided that we would do an episode with Spencer of, allegedly, What's Happening? I will be the moderator because I'm anal. You like anal? Our first topic is Lenny Kravitz has opened up about his infamous wardrobe malfunction in Sweden. Remember, his pants ripped and his penis came out?

And he said it was a little cold. He wished he would have had time to warm him up. Wait, who is... Is the picture of his actual dick available? I feel like it was big there's like a boomerang of it and it's like but it's amazing

where am I I thought I'd start with something easy have you ever had a wardrobe malfunction no but do you want to right now no I'm good are you thinking about it for your next photo opportunity with Spites

I'm desperate but not at that level yet I won't rule it out, but maybe in the future. I have a question. Sorry, Kelty. What is the number that would get you and Heidi to do a sex tape? Yeah. What's the number?

What's your price? We're raising it today. Oh, well, Heidi wouldn't be down, but I think I would lowball it, whatever. I need money for a baby's college, okay? So I need to go to a good school. So you're saying like $5? College tuition budget, you know, like Ivy League school, four years. Naturally.

And then I'd be like, son, I'm sorry. I wanted you to go to Harvard. And it was the only way you could get there. You'll appreciate it one day. I sold a lot of crystals, son, but it's not happening. You are going to public school. Public school. Such a shame.

Meghan Markle and Prince Harry are getting married. Becca hates it so much. Is this the news? I'm so bored with British royalty. Like, I'm so bored. Those girls, there's no sparkle in their eyes. They're so Ann Taylor conservative. Oh, yeah, they have to be.

It's like their soul was sucked from their vagina. The moment. I love them, though. I'm going to have to disagree. I want more royal content. You do? Megan is a damn American hero. um so yes i would like more photo ops at the palace preferably like poolside is what i'm

looking for they're never gonna do that they give you like midi skirts and like harry's the future harry and megan are gonna change everything they're gonna change everything thank you don't get me wrong i'm not a duchess i'm not over here cheering for the duchess like kate and her sister pippa they can go but megan megan our new royal she is everything i dreamed of yeah it used to hold a box with a number on it okay and now she's gonna be living in a palace she's literally the american dream i love you megan you can bring a princess too let me just tell you a year ago megan announced her collection with reitmans in canada wait where are the people that came from canada yeah from canada got a shady airbnb last night i was texting oh my god

I feel like you're going to get harassed. I need to get you a hotel on Lady Gang. Thank you for coming from Canada. Did you guys get a new Airbnb? No, they got a hotel. They're fine. Oh, okay. So you showered.

Anyway. They're not stinking up. Reet Mints. Yes or no? Reet Mints is kind of shitty. So Meghan Markle had a clothing collab with like Rainbow. Okay. Like a TJ Maxx?

And now she's going to be the goddamn princess. Good for her. She's not going to be a princess, okay? She's a duchess, right? Or something? It's a duchess. Everybody settle down, okay? Rebecca's pissed about this.

I'm pissed because, I mean, I'm just pissed. Next topic. Who knew you could be on, like, some random TV show and be a royal? I know. Suits look great. Who's seen Suits, real talk? I have. It's actually a very good show.

Five people. Next topic. I'm doing it now because I love her. There is now a scientific reason why guys are so annoying when they're sick. Bad news, ladies. When your man gets the same bug as you and he's super sick and whiny and he's more of a little bitch than you were, he might actually be suffering more but the good news it's because men's immune systems are

naturally weaker than ours yeah i i would agree i whine way more than heidi heidi doesn't even whine i'm always like wow i'm the biggest baby ever and shout out to moms uh that's the next level how was that oh now i like look at women who've had babies i'm like oh my superhero real talk you look at moms a different way how like nobody talks about pumping and that process of like having your breasts like pumped all day long like that does not look chill so um yeah we are definitely big babies i back but like when you get a cold it's so bad i have a question were you there seeing the exit of your son so I was I for years my whole life I've covered my eyes at school I was like I don't want to see any of that I've never seen it in any of the videos any of the

YouTube and I was like I'm not seeing this and as I'm there all of a sudden I get straight punked by the nurse look at your son look at your son now he's coming like ah and I looked I was like Oh, this is why I didn't look. This is why I didn't look. No. So, yes, I saw, and I know why I never looked. It's the gnarliest thing on the planet. Wait, I have.

I'm shocked that you took hold. I don't know. Did she poop? But, you know, you could have. I didn't see any fecal matter. Sometimes people poop when they get pregnant. A lot of people poop. I would be pooping, peeing, throwing up.

Everything would come out of me because that is the gnarliest thing on earth. I'm just shocked that you did not Snapchat it like DJ Khaled. Well, Us Weekly paid for the cover, y'all. I need that cover money. Gotta get that money. Spencer, I was disappointed. Wait, wait. I did snap the whole thing emotionally and downloaded the camera roll.

So I, like, have the whole... Wait, emotionally? Like, you actually did it? Like, on himself? I snapped everything and just kept downloading them to my camera roll because I was so... I don't know if you, like, emotionally Snapchatted it. Like, I needed the feeling of snapping the process. Has Heidi watched that?

It was soothing. She has, and she cries. Because I'm playing like trap music, and she's like, why were you doing that? I wanted Christian music, and you have 21 Savage. Next topic. The Backstreet Boys' debut album is 20 years old. Thank you. Backstreet forever.

Put up your hands if you're a Backstreet. That's disappointing. Put up your hands if you're an NSYNC. That's disappointing. Put up your hands if you're a 98 Degrees. Ew. What? We have more?

Yeah. You look 98 Degrees better. Well, I guess because of Newlyweds, I'm definitely Nick Lachey. Yes. Right? Newlyweds was freaking great. Name five 98 Degrees songs. Becca Tobin, what do you want to say?

It doesn't matter. There's, like, nobody knows any 98 Degrees songs. I can't name one 98 Degrees song. Give me one more night on a noche. it's the hardest thing i'll ever have to do all right let's really want my one girl you're not even gonna sing along it's not okay disappointing all i ever thought when i watched newlyweds was two things one jessica simpson has the most beautiful non-makeup face that's out there right she's so beautiful and number two she loved that multi-colored louis vuitton bag more than

anybody anybody i was always just like oh my god if joe simpson was my father-in-law this marriage would not work out and it did not work out it did not so bummer wait did he manage her yes yes and ashley and uh what's that other guy's name ryan cabrera yeah oh my god i like you i often see ryan cabrera in the nightlife scene oh i met him in the nightlife scene and i thought it was the coolest have you dated ryan cabrera no but once i saw him at a concert and i had sharpied um a treble clef onto my arm and he thought it was a really nice tattoo that i had wow this is why jack is single everyone next topic ryan cabrera i mean don't date ryan cabrera he's gross but okay disgusting john stamos is having a baby how old is he i have some

54. I have beef. Yeah, because he's coming for your Hallmark channel. I'm just too. Back off, John. That's true. Okay? That's true.

There's only one superstar allowed on the network. Superstar Becca Tobin. You're hot. Hello. I just want to say I wasn't on the network. I was on the sister network. Oh, excuse. Yeah.

Even better. Yeah, even better. Or worse. No, that movie was incredible. Oh, A Song for Christmas. I didn't even take it. We loved it, and I hate most Christmas movies. Thank you.

You saved the tree lot with your performance. I did. I sure did. I can't believe you watched it. Okay, wait, but are we going to talk about John Stamos? He's having a baby. Oh, yeah, we're trying to get the haters, because all you do is self-promote, talk about yourselves.

Yeah, talk about John Stamos, Spencer. Sorry. Isn't his girl fiancé, like, 25? What? She's beautiful, though. Here's the thing. They bonded over Disneyland. are there any adults out here who love disney uh we're not saying we're gonna kick you out but

i apologize in advance for a future episode that may come out about this but also let me just give you some you know life guidelines next time someone asks that question raise your hand in your heart just on the inside and not physically yeah okay i have no i have no thoughts on john wasn't john stamos the one that had the entrance to that weird like culty new world oh yeah he's in the club 31 i don't think it's 33 you guys has anybody been there is this a like you guys it's not a cult it's just a restaurant it's a cult it's a liquor it's dope okay i'm sorry this is getting out of control i'm sorry this is getting out of control back to the show she's freaking out she's sorry i'm stressing out look at your wife jenner chris jenner you know her

i wish chris jenner was my mom sorry sheila she bought a house across the street from kim and kanye for just 10 million dollars would you want your mother-in-law to live directly across the street from you mother or mother-in-law either one wait is my mother-in-law chris jenner because hell yeah because she'd be bringing over the birkin bags and shit like hey mom you got another birkin bag for me she's gonna bring over a camera to do a nice sexting for you she's definitely bringing over a people magazine cover i am down with chris jenner living across the street from me definitely but what about uh darlene shout out darlene uh she's great in colorado right now I think that's probably good for us.

She's doing good a few states away. Becca? My mother-in-law or Kris Jenner? Kris Jenner. Kris Jenner? Yeah, for sure. I wouldn't be here. I'd be like on a yacht.

You definitely would not be returning these trees after this. No. She would have got those trees. I would have bought a Target tree for everyone here. I'd be like Oprah. Everybody gets a tree. It's true. everybody gets a treat yeah okay um next topic the movie titanic is turning 20 this year also

my heart i will go on now leo would you or wouldn't you in titanic yeah titanic leo yeah okay titanic and romeo and juliet leo are the best leos before he got puffy before he got puffy leo now is a no-go no he's puffy yeah did you say he's heavy puffy puffy would you or would i agree with romeo and juliet leo he was way doper in that i never got the whole titanic oh he's so hot it was just like that was his breakout role that's where everybody fell in love with romeo j he was straight gang shit you know bad boy he was a bad boy in the titanic too no he was just poor in the titanic I'm feeling like he was stealing pocket watches.

Whatever. No, Leo, never, ever, never. Rose had it wrong, honestly. She should not be doing that. She wanted to drown, Rose. Just let me drown. I'm good. But she lived.

She lived. There was room for two people. That's a whole premise of the movie. There was room for two. Spoiler alert. Like I said, I missed that one. Our last allegedly what's a happening. I don't know.

This is important, everyone. Beyonce's pregnancy announcement is the most like Instagram of 2017 Why are you even doing this? No, I'm telling you because First of all, it was on Elite Daily Which I usually steal what's happening advice from And also, I'm excited for her It was a beautiful pregnancy announcement

And we know that Becca, when you're pregnant Which is going to be soon We're going to work on your announcement being better i'm not pregnant okay i love how you have to prove it did you think it was over the top or did you like it did i what are we talking about the picture with the announcement when she's in the flower she was similar to the lady gang step and repeat the the spidey photo pregnancy was so good yeah thank you thank you who creative directed this shout out this russian lady i just came out of nowhere with that magic i was like how did you find her i i feel like

she found us i had no idea it would turn out so beautiful i was very suspicious with her accent and everything i was like are you stealing our credit card numbers what's going on here but speaking of beyonce i i don't come for me bay hive or whatever but i am so emotional about what Jay-Z did today that it's hard for, like, I missed the I missed the announcement because I'm still like in the elevator with Solange, like beat his ass, girl, like

you know, like, I'm sorry I know they like worked it out and she wrote an album about it and has songs but to me it's like, no, he should have been beat up really bad by Solange and it fucking kicked to the curb did we ever discuss how Beyonce in that elevator video was like

so chill, she was like Because she probably knew that she was being filmed and it was just like, I'm going to stand here in the background. Oh, no, it was a setup. She was like, get him now. She hit the emergency button, like, door closed, key locked, get him, sis. You know, like, 100%. That was a setup.

Yeah, that was it. And she was like, and it's filmed, bitch. What do you think, Tia? Because you got the video. Beyonce sent that in so fast. She sent that in herself. That night, it's like. She got paid.

I will say that I was you know because I am famous I was at that Met Gala yeah I was a reporter behind like a seven inch hedge

anyway I was like Beyonce anyway but I will say she was like two hours late like everyone

including Rihanna and that giant ridiculous like yellow fur coat thing had already arrived and gone in and left and then we were all

just sitting there like waiting on Beyonce so you know maybe Beyonce should be on time that's all I'm saying is that They were plotting.

They were plotting. They were at the hotel like, okay, after the party, we're going to go in the elevator, and you're going to get him, sis. Also, Kelty, I'm sorry. With the little fame you have now, you take some liberties, no?

What? Oh, are you late to Lady Gang? Would I feel like, oh, never late to a Lady Gang. She's got that watch. There are some people, when they get famous, They're like I'm Beyonce I can be two hours late to the Met Gala In about five years when you are

Famous You'll be late everywhere I would never be late for anything You guys were getting ready at my house You heard me tell Chris we had 16 minutes Before we had to leave It took four minutes He was like babe it's going to take you 12 minutes to get there

And there's a yoga class in there before So you're not going to be able to go in Anyway whatever I just moved on to our next segment which is for y'all Wait, where are giveaways? Where are the lady boxes? Oh, shit. Time for the trivia.

Where are the lady boxes? Oh, first thing. Oh, first thing's not a lady box. First up is a gift pack from Graphique. Who's saying these questions? Becca has the questions. Jack has the names. We're going to call out your names.

Spencer is going to walk down there, and he is going to give you his mic, and you're going to answer questions about the lady gang to win Beth. Come on, Spencer. Let me just give a little disclaimer here. So, yesterday, this whole week, really, Elena, the lady gang, like the backbone of the lady gang. Where is she? She's out setting something up, I'm sure. She's out doing whatever she's doing.

We love her. Saving the world. She and I and Jack, yesterday, blood, sweat, and tears to make that lady gang step and repeat. You better take a fucking picture behind it. Because I have a bloodbath. We've stapled all those pine needles onto that plywood for you, okay? And I think it's pretty professional level. We gave Kelty one job.

Yep. One job. Yep. To make a box. Because I have a real job. Just P.S. Oh! It's true.

I have all the time in the world. but kelty sends us a picture of this like enter yourself to win box it looks like a murderer made it i actually thought you had a rat in there what is this and just maybe like haphazardly like so i'm sorry it's terrible she's got the wrong tone for you and we're really sorry it's fancy as it's not anyway let's get to it trivia time I'm pulling out

I'll be the Vanna we hope you listen you just pull a name but he's going to pull the name okay Becca has the questions like I told you in the green room does that say Bria you didn't tell her anything

Bria no Brit Britt. Britt. Britt. You guys didn't put your last names on here? Am I going with the mic? Yes. Britt. Britt. B-R-I-T-T. Wait, is it you?

Did you fill out your name? Woo! Yeah, Britt. Yeah, Britt. Wait, Brittany's actually a friend of mine. Come up here. I think it'll be easier. But she's listened to every episode of The Lady Gang. okay here we go this is so exciting are you ready trivia what was our first lady gang guest you can phone a friend

can i phone i can phone a friend phone a friend one friend i'm too conflicting rules whisper it into her ear sabrina Allie Fedotowsky, The Bachelorette. Yeah! Thank you! Okay, number two. Yeah, yeah, oh, that's shady. Spencer, please read the name.

Can you not read it? I can't read, I can't read. Oh, you set me up with this name. I'm sending you every name. Excuse me if I said this wrong. Sierta? Sierita? Oh, all of the PIP.

oh god okay who did jack and becca both fangirl and lose their minds over can i phone a friend phone one friend one friend whispers oh nico tortorella yes Tortellini Nico Tortellini Jane Finn Yeah Under what condition

do you text a guy first? Is that a trick question? Depending on how you look at it No. Can I phone a friend? Never. Never. Yes, girl.

Never. Never. You never phone your friend first. Congratulations. Okay, let's go back up. Wait, whose mic is this? What? That's the wireless mic for this purpose.

No, it's not yours at all. Never phone. Hello. Hello. Text. Never text a guy first. Okay? Never.

Never. I know some of you guys are sitting there with your cell phones in your hands, and you're Like, oh, my God, I met this guy last night, and we got so drunk, and we had, like, the best time ever. I feel like it was a real connection. Let me just shoot him a text. Literally, I have done this so many times, it always ends up in disaster. You let him text you first. Even if he doesn't have your number, he will find it.

That's true. That's true. Heidi actually changed her phone number on me, and I had to do serious research. And you found it? And I found it. Spencer, we have a gift for you. Are you gonna have to sage this? Open it up.

Don't break it. Boom. We got a Hummer Christmas tree ornament. It looks just like Tiki, actually. It's a little red. That's iconic. What? Amazon.com.

It could be yours. $9.99. you very much this will get hung on the tree thank you okay now it's time for ask the lady all right so you know the deal you've asked answered questions with us we give advice oh yeah i know what not to do which this is gonna work well for okay first question from ass lydie gang comes from careful p.s can i just tell you all that jack's biggest worry this week was will the font be big enough for me to read you guys i have i have a 4.5 prescription i am almost legally blind and i don't wear glasses or contacts so this is a big look at her look at her

rising above she was like i don't want to wear glasses with my cape it doesn't go does not match okay so i have a huge font we need a contact sponsor we did we had hubble we had hubble but they left probably didn't like the tampon story all right anyways so stephanie says i've only been in one long distance relationship before and i recently started a new regular distance relationship we've only made out so far and he told me he won't do anything without my permission i appreciate that but now i feel like all the pressure is on me to decide when to take things to the next level what do y'all think are this what do you guys think are the sexual sequence of events and what is expected at each stage let's talk about the stages stage one

spencer i don't like do you have a list we're not gonna go over my schedule that i feel like there's a rush schedule uh are we doing like a normal schedule yeah normal schedule does anybody work on it i don't know i haven't had a schedule in over 10 years so uh i don't know i'm just saying i'm you know back in the day things were different now you can like catch a case and you know all sorts of things and there's a lot more a case of what i mean based off the first my hour of listening you guys i feel like there's a lot of your haters so there's a lot of things you can catch now wait we we didn't catch anything jack are you since you're the single girl you can't catch a uti jack how like what date is a makeout like four what

i don't know i'm married i have made out on 99 of my first dates because if not then like i don't then and when do you have the sexual intercourse my father is here okay hey dad we're getting some never threes i would how long do you guys have date three date two oh girl i have a question is this like your set rule or is it like that's depending it depends like sometimes day one it depends on how good day one is yeah i don't know i feel like it's different every time okay i feel like i should we do what our my mother told me to do and it's never purchase a vehicle without test driving it i agree so i don't like having my time wasted spencer's face right now is

amazing but i thought we were talking about they're just dating are we talking like remarriage now here i thought she just was going on a date with her she doesn't know how to progress sexually and what the right schedule is also she because he said he wouldn't do anything without her permission so she has to be the one that's initiating so when you feel like touching his penis just touch his penis i bet he's gonna be okay probably touch his penis early to figure out what the yeah you have to do like the grays yeah you gotta feel it over the pants over the jeans just go dancing dirty dancing then you'll know you'll know yeah that's a nice way to like it's like a circumventing the problem okay i'm freaking out jack our next question freaking out

please oh my god i'm so hot i feel like we're very much on time by the way we are very much because of me are the are the yoga classes like kicking us out talk faster this is vinyasa flow in 20 minutes you guys can all stay everybody getting down dog okay next question comes from anonymous mcgee lovely she says on behalf of a friend she's on a dating website and this guy she met on that said that she was looking for said that he was looking for a relationship everything was great they met they connected except she creeped him on Facebook and he had already been in a relationship on Facebook with his girlfriend's name attached to it. So this is like a joint Facebook account, which is weird to begin

with. Would Spidey do that? No, no, no, no. No, you guys have a joint Facebook. We don't even have a like page together. Spencer's in the Lady Gang Facebook group as his own entity, by the way. Wait, what did I do? You're in the Facebook group. Oh, gang, gang. i will say that like my timeline is now just lady gang stories i'm like well i know more about these women than any of my own friends actually you're welcome thank you yeah no not you guys actually yeah right i'm glad everyone asks like when they want to change a haircut like what do you guys think i'm like oh i don't know i hadn't thought about it actually literally have not thought about it at all. Well, now that we're looking at your

hair, it looks great. Maybe like an auburn with some highlights. I would like that. Can I please get a round of applause for Spencer Pratt? Guys, I'm gonna ask the question here with Spencer because I've gotten in many a bar fight

not a bar, I haven't seen a bar in years but many an argument about the Spidey come up. Did we create Spidey 2.0? did we what is this

what does the shirt say I don't want to get murdered by there's excuse me what does your shirt say make Spidey famous

Spidey is happening make Spidey famous again because I'm trying to be famous not happen but thank you for that did we launch your reboot

I will say yeah I'll take all fame so I'm not gonna but are we responsible are you saying yes I'm gonna go off my own ego and be like yo

I've been out here snapchatting like a gangster for three years but I think it's honestly I'm surprised sometimes that we didn't get married hold my hand you guys we're the same she's really uh her body temperature is very hot she's not lying okay next question we have to finish the question we did we even answer that question Here's a little Evian spray for you. Just a little.

Isn't it Evian, by the way? It's Evian. It's French. Wow, Evian? Evian is just water, actually. That's thermal spring water. Watch the mic. We don't own these.

Listen, if your man is attached to another Facebook, get rid of that man. He's not your man. Yeah. Wait, am I finishing this question? No, we're next one, Jack. Next one. Okay. Moving on.

Listen, you guys know we give the worst advice. That's part of our shtick. We might not actually ever get to the point where we give advice. We never do. We just talk about ourselves. Nope. Anyway, so last question comes from Amber. And we'll talk about ourselves during this one, too.

Amber says, I'm currently going through a divorce. My husband and I were together for 12 years and married for eight. We have two little boys, five and under, together. I found out my husband was having a full-blown affair for a month. Wow. Why are we going dark today? I don't know, Kelty. Whoa, who picked these?

Kelty? when I found out he took off out of state where this woman lives and I filed for divorce and had his ass served

he should slip in the shower accidentally on a razor oh he died in the shower he accidentally

got poisoned at Chipotle we can't have murder on the podcast no I said that's a different podcast I said he slipped okay

he slipped there was just lube all over the shower floor. Okay, but hold on. Can I just take a minute? Is shower sex good? Yes.

No. What? It's not that good. Not if you're standing under the water. I'm always, like, bent over with, like, my hair running this way and the water going up my nose. Can I know?

Can we go to my feather bed? I think he's trying to waterboard you, then. Please. You need a better shower. You need a better shower. You need a shower seat. Am I going to finish this question? Finish it, Jack.

Okay. It depends on the height ratio to answer your question. Sorry. Yeah, you and Zach are probably not fun. You should get full custody of those two kids. That's my question. Wait, no, no, that's not the question. This turns around, and it's not that dark.

Okay. We should have edited this anyways. I did edit it, Jack. Amber says, here's my question. How do I start dating again? I literally don't know how to date, and I'm scared that no one would want to date a 32-year-old divorced mom of two young boys. i'm in shape and don't have a mom bod so that's not the issue but i'm looking but i'm not looking for random sex help i don't know i would say i mean i would say just be honest one of my buddies

who i would never think would date a divorced woman with three kids was just dating and i was like wow so anything's possible that's it i would go with tobin i think that confidence when you're dating is key and you can really like self um sabotage if you go into something thinking you're not worthy i hate that i'm getting so deep right now but you have to believe that you are worthy and just because you have an asshole ex-husband and two probably amazing children, you are very much worthy, and I think you have to go into a date

and you have to give yourself those weird pep talks we all give ourselves, because if you don't believe you're a catch, then nobody else is going to believe you're a catch, and much less desirable people find love. I mean, look at me. Becca, did you literally just give us a mirror message? So hell has officially frozen over.

I think it's my Spanx. they're soaking wet you're so sucked in that the inspiration came out of you yeah that's how you got to get it out of there no but it's true because here's the thing if i could go back to all my 20 year old relationships with the confidence i have now being on page three of us weekly i would slay but it's like you know when you get sucked into that like just pathetic of like i'm gonna stay up all night just in case he texts so i can text back and then like possibly send him a picture of my vagina like don't do that you know like just be powerful now i'm wasted i can tell in your eyes i can't wait to have sex with me while i have a tampon and then stay

inside me for like three days sorry my bad he's so mad at me right now because he just gave me the talking of like if you can't tell me and you can't tell the head of cbs don't tell the lady gang and literally nodding at the back i see you i'm done for this episode goodbye are we done is that it okay before we wrap up and i go put my underwear underneath a hand dryer in a bathroom um thank you so much to found cosmetics how awesome are they they're standing outside giving you a beautiful makeover there in our lady box there we're such huge fans of the brand and we just love the support that they give but more than anything we love you guys for spending money sorry to do this no it's insane it's crazy and we just we love this gang you guys are responsible

for creating it you know we're just like the court jesters so thank you so much we love you and thank you to pratt daddy thank you for pratt daddy pratt daddy also please follow us on Instagram at theladygang at Kelty. And back at Jack Vanek at theladygang at Spencer Pratt. And wait, don't forget to go and subscribe on iTunes and leave a

really nice comment so that these haters are not even there because there's so many positive comments. Also, are you sold out of crystals yet? Oh no, I will be slanging rocks after the show. Let's sell out the crystals.

Please buy a lady box. We made too many. No, we didn't. Bye. Bye. We didn't. But they're for sale. See you next Tuesday.

Yay! Woo! Yay! Woo! Join the Lady Gang every Tuesday at iTunes and at PodcastOne.com. That's PodcastONE.com. Thanks for listening.