LadyGang - LQ QUICKIE: JAC + MOM

Episode Date: May 2, 2024

Leading up to USA Mother's Day, we are taking the time to learn from the OG MOMGANG. Each week, one LadyGang host will sit down with their mom for a unique conversation and to answer the same seven questions. This week, Jac gets candid with her mom and finds out the secrets to life, the JAC era her mom hated most, and what her mom is most proud of!  Check out our amazing sponsors!! Huggies: Get your baby’s butt into Huggies best fitting diaper! Huggies Little Movers. We got you, baby! Visit Apartments.com - THE place to find a place! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

It's time for a quickie. Podcast one presents the Lady Gang, the Hollywood girl posse with Lady Gang Quickie. Here's Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. Let's make this quick. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to the Lady Gang Quickie. Obviously, this is not Becca's voice that you're hearing. It's mine, Jack's.

And if you listened to last week's Quickie, you know that Kelty did a really cute episode with her mom for Mother's Day. and we're continuing it on. And I am sitting here with my mom, my best friend, Mae Vanek. And dad filming us as usual. And dad filming us in the corner because duh. Hi, dad. So cute. Obviously Mother's Day is coming up. Also my birthday is coming up. You know, when I become a mom, Mother's Day is going to be on my birthday sometimes. Yep. Sometimes it will. That's kind of a bummer. I know but whatever um well maybe you'll have your baby on Mother's Day too oh my god that would be

too much to handle at once yeah um I love you so much I'm so happy that you're here I love you too is this it no you've been on our podcast before a long time ago a long long time ago that was when you guys first started I know it was probably like your fourth or fifth episode I think we needed to like fill again somebody canceled and you're like I'll drive all the way up from Orange County to be on your podcast last minute yeah that's the kind of mom you are yeah you'll just like show up all the time and it's the best I have to okay so Becca and Kelsey like prepared all these questions like we were supposed to ask the same seven questions okay I'm probably gonna go off script a little bit as usual and ask my own questions because that's what I do

okay first of all I just wanted to start like broad what does motherhood mean to you it's basically i mean once you have a child that's putting that child's needs before your own yeah and your partners yeah i know a lot of people say oh you you know you have to you know put your partner's needs before your kids and it's like no not for us i mean dad and i felt the same way yeah that once we had you you were the number one priority and did you talk about this before you had me like that was or was that just like a unspoken thing no I think it was probably more of an unspoken thing yeah but you know they say oh like what happens if you had to save one your wife or your kid yeah if dad picked me over you I would literally kill him

yeah and the same thing with him too for sure I picked him over you yeah which would never happen either way yeah he'd kill me yeah so yes it's making sure that your children are the number one priority yeah and I think that anybody that sees our relationship whether that be on Instagram or my friends or Jared or whoever like obviously note that's like the biggest thing that anybody sees is you and dad are so integrated in my life your lives are my life basically and you've been there for every single second of every single day and that's something that I never realized when I was younger that not everybody had like there are a lot of strained relationships that people have with their parents and I just never realized how lucky I was until I got older right well I mean

you have to have the values your values have to match your partners too so dad and I felt the same way and it's not like just putting you you know as a priority is like a hardship for us we want to do it yeah so it's not like something that oh I have to do no I want to do it I mean it's just to me it just seemed very natural once I had you yeah you know you never really feel a love like you feel for your children right it's a different kind of love than you feel for your partner it's just there's nothing like more intense than the love you feel for your child yeah so for me you know once you feel that love you just it just automatic in your brain it just does yeah well I was going to say that too because there were some questions like what's the biggest lesson

that you've learned from your parents or whatever you and dad are not the type of people that are going to be like sit down and let me like give you a one-liner that you're going to like remember you know what I mean because like people would be like oh my dad once told me that blah blah blah blah blah blah like you aren't those kind of parents like I feel like you've always just led by example especially in that way where it's like you just show up because that's what you do and I think that has taught me just from you leading by example to be a really good daughter to be a really good partner to Jared to be a really good friend it's like I just show up because that's what you do and it's natural and it isn't like a burden or it isn't like an obligation it's just

that's what you do for the people that you care about and it's just been so easily it's just a part of me right showing up is huge I mean when you were like in elementary school I'd feel so sorry for the kids like if there was a play or if there was something and there nobody showed up for them that is so sad yeah you know somebody has to show up it doesn't have to always be the parents but somebody has got to be there for the child yeah and I think especially when you're younger I mean that's huge yeah so well and that's it's funny too with dad it's like dad worked full-time and any any memory that I have from being a kid I'm like dad was always there right he was always there yeah well he took his time off to do you know he took vacation time to go see your play

or whatever he had to do yeah so you can show up i mean i know for a lot of people especially if you're a single mom i don't know how people who are single moms do it i mean that's got to be the hardest thing ever yeah um so you know there's other circumstances too that you know will prevent people from doing that but you do it as much as you can yeah no you guys i mean yeah obviously And showing up is huge. I think that is huge for people. Yeah. Um, so I want to talk about just, cause obviously Jared and I are thinking about having kids somewhat soon, maybe in the next waiting, maybe in the next year. I'm like, Oh, but like, I have to go to one. We were young and then I have to do this and then I have to do this. Maybe

I'll do it after that, but it's coming. I mean, we're obviously, we want to get a house soon. we want to live by you guys. That I guess that's one of the question that we were kind of chatting about before where I think the question was, what's a lesson in life that you wish you learned sooner? And you were kind of talking about, I mean, it's pretty much impossible to raise a kid on your own, right? Like without help, especially these days where both parents have to work like you need, you need help. You need a support system. I again, I mean, I have all the respect in the world for people who have to do it on their own I mean that is just to me it's mind-boggling because I could have no I don't know I could have never done it it's just it's so hard well

and you were a stay-at-home mom for the first what 16 years of my life yeah because people could be stay-at-home moms back in the day because you could live on a single income back in the day we lived on a single income but we really did sacrifice a lot I mean there was a I mean it would have been great to have another income but to us it was more important for me to stay home at that time and we could you can't do that now no you just can't you don't have that option yeah I mean unless you're like super super wealthy you can't stay home yeah I mean it's just not an option which is sad that we don't have at least for a couple years where people could stay home for the first couple of years and you know they would get some kind of a subsidy or paid for that

Yeah. Because it's beneficial, obviously, to the child and to the parent. But people don't have that luxury these days. It's it is a sad state of affairs. I mean, the world is in a sad state of affairs. But you were talking about how you wish that, you know, we had because we have a big family in New York, your family, the Pateras aside, you have three, two sisters and a brother. so there's four of you and everybody has a ton of kids and i mean that's something that i it makes me sad too because it's like i we would have loved to be around them and to be around family like we're the three musketeers me you and dad like and it's just us and then now it's me you dad and jared and it's just us and like when i have a kid thank god we're gonna have you and dad but a lot of people not a lot of people but some people are super fortunate to have their families around and to have other kids around like there is a sense of being an only child that it's like

it's kind of tough in some ways but I don't know the difference so I'm like it's not actually tough for me but like you know having family around is a huge deal right that's I mean that's one thing especially when you have a newborn and a toddler and they're still really little it's hard so hard when you just want to go to the bathroom by yourself, or you want to take a shower. Yeah. And there's no family to call to say, Can you come over for an hour just to give me a break? Yeah. So I stayed home with you. But I didn't have anybody to help me either. And I didn't know what I was doing either. Because I didn't have my mother died when I was 10. So I didn't have a mother that could come and help me. Yeah. So I had nobody here. And I didn't know what the

hell I was doing it was like crazy well and your one sister had kids that were older than me but she was in New York so it's not like she I mean I'm sure she gave you advice like along the way but it's you don't have somebody to watch your kid well you need to take a shit no or just to like how do I bathe this child I mean now you have YouTube and you can look up you know or wherever TikTok or wherever you can look up all sorts of things but back then we didn't have anything you How did you look up what to do? We didn't know. I mean, you just managed, I guess.

I don't know. And it was like, when we took you home from the hospital, we were like, dad and I are both looking at each other like, they're going to allow us to take this human being home? We don't know how to take care of this child. We have no idea. And we were older parents for back then. I was 31 when I had you. So that was pretty old back in the day.

yeah and still I was like I don't even I have no idea what I am doing I have no idea well that's what I feel like I'm gonna be I don't know if I've ever held a baby before really I like I saw Ford Becca's son when he was born but like he was just like laying down and I was just kind of like touching him I'm like hey but I'm like I'm terrified to hold a newborn baby I'm terrified they're gonna stop like breathing when I hold them but I guess maybe it's more not you just like your motherly maternal instincts kind of come into play in a sense well even when I had you and you know we brought you home and you went to sleep for the night especially you know for the first couple months I was like you go over and you just make sure you're breathing it's like I don't

know I don't know is this child breathing is this child alive I don't know yeah but then of course you got colic and you started screaming every day all day so you knew I was alive you were not an easy baby well I'm not I never was you are not an easy baby you said that I came out of the womb with my eyes wide open and they've and I've always been like looking around just like what now what now what now and you've never been a good sleeper so you were up all the time like all the books and everything you read would say oh yeah the newborn's gonna sleep like 20 hours out of the 24 hours and it was like when it was like the opposite for you you were like awake 20 hours and maybe slept four hours and then when you were awake you wanted to also be entertained all the

time you were never just one to just let you be there and nothing has changed nothing you're still the same if I sit around for five minutes I'm like getting a little anxious now I got to do something I mean you would like run to the door and just say when you were a little like one year old go go go you wanted to go somewhere and go do things we call them jacktivities now yes I always have to be doing things you do um and you were also very particular even as a child the baby you just wanted things my way so yes that's OCD kind of shining through from when I was a baby um I want to talk about you said something probably like months ago just in passing and I really like held on to it it's the one thing that it's like oh like like a something

my parents said that like sticks in my mind and it was we're talking about like I think like the love languages or something like that you know there's like words of affirmation acts of service blah blah quality time and you were mentioning you're like we like to spend quantity time together not quality time right like explain that well just being there or just physically being there with each other like when you come and visit us it's not like we're doing things all the time no we're laying around on the couch laying around we're watching tv or we're just eating or whatever we're not doing any like you know i mean we do go out and do things but not all and we like doing activities you know we like that part of it too but the other part is just being like physically

being there yeah with each other yeah so I think it's important like as much as you can again everybody's circumstance is different yeah um some people are working two and three jobs so you know that's a hard part for them as well um but as much as you can just physically being in the same location yeah makes a huge difference because I think for a child it fosters like dependability and they know somebody kind of has their back. Yeah. Basically. And as I've gotten older, I obviously like understand the importance of it, or it's just like, that's a big reason why we wanted to move back down here. Cause I'm like all, the only thing that's changing is time and you only have a limited amount of it. So it's like, why would I be like off over here if I

could be spending it with like the most important people in my life? Right. That's like a big, I think a big lesson that I've learned as I've gotten older. And I think too, with a lot of people have a lot of pressure to like buy things for their kids and, you know, go on like these vacations or whatever. I mean, you see stuff on like TikTok or you see stuff on social media, people doing all these things. Yeah. But really the important thing is just being there with your child and with people, you know, and the way the economy is these days, you can't really afford to do anything yeah I mean it's really hard so just you know drawing with your child or you know watching tv or whatever it is just physically being there is good and paying attention to them

too yeah well it's like the little things are the big things it's like even going on a walk or yeah like drawing or I mean I feel like especially as I've gotten older like the quantity quality time that we spend it's like I love when I'm painting with dad or I love when we go on our walks like it's the simplest freest things that like when I compare that to like oh when I was in Spain on the beach I'm like what am I really holding value on it's really just like doing the little things with the people that I love right that like means the most when you were I mean obviously you were always very artistic and you and dad just used to sit on the floor and draw for like hours yeah together yeah that's gonna be like jared playing guitar with our future child right and dad dad has a lot

more patience than i do too he can sit there and do stuff like that for a long time where i cannot really get out of here the lady gang um i want to talk about like my different phases when i was younger because one of the questions that kelsey and becca wanted to answer is like what phase i mean i was a pretty easy kid not easy kid but i was a good kid you were because i had good parents right i i didn't really go through like any bad phases i mean i had my like emo phase but like i was really just a poser right but like the question was like what was like the toughest phase to see me go through i mean maybe like i think probably junior high yeah i mean and i think for most girls junior high

is horrible yeah i mean i don't you were probably almost every girl was bullied at some point in junior high and you know felt bad about themselves didn't like the way they looked or you know people picking on them and it probably if you didn't have that happen in junior high you were probably the one doing the bullying absolutely so um I think that was probably the hardest time and then you know girls can be very psychologically damaging to each other which is unfortunate at that age especially around junior high sixth seventh eighth grade it was horrible they can just be I mean vicious so that was hard yeah that was do you remember when the girl sent you the Barbie no she sent you like a mutilated Barbie with her head pulled off and her arms pulled off

and because because you had dressed up as Shakira for Halloween and she somebody said that you look like barbie i don't know maybe they said you look like shakira you dressed up like it's something and they said you looked like shakira because you had your hair all like crimped crimped and she hated that so that's when she started getting a little vicious with you i blocked that out of my memory oh my god i wish i could oh like the that it was just so bad i just remember coming home crying all the time yeah it was just I mean it was horrible girls that age are so scary well it's like one turns against you and then they turn the whole group against you I do remember when we had like that burn book kind of a thing and it was like every week we like decided to turn against

somebody in our friend group yeah and then when when it turns against you you're like now my world is ending right yeah I mean how about like in my 20s when I was dating the wrong people was that tough for you um or did you know that you were just young and I mean it was you didn't really date that many people truthfully let's be true not really I just chased after boys for the most part I know you just really didn't date that many people because nobody you didn't seem to really like that many guys no I mean yes and no I mean I guess when you got a little older like after you you know maybe you were like in your you know 18 20 but in high school oh no in high school I didn't at all no no because I was going to shows and like right trying to like kiss band

guys right I was not but you weren't really dating no I wasn't dating I mean my first boyfriend was Ryan Ross right and you were what 18 18 and that lasted like 90 days I just remember in high school one time this boy was one of the football players and he just really really really liked you and you were like no it was like he's so cute wait who was it just say it nobody knows his name was ryan ryan yeah i can't remember oh i know i'm not gonna say it i remember his late and last name Ryan um what phase of my life are you the most proud of proud of I'm just proud of you as a person I mean there's no real phase that I'm proud of I just just think you you know are a wonderful person you're like the best you're my best friend and you're the best my best daughter

my only child i know i know you're just the best well because you raised me to be the best yeah can we talk about because we're obviously best friends and but you've also you've never been like the cool i mean you are a cool mom like all of my friends love you but like you were never like the mean girl's cool mom it's like come to our house to like drink alcohol that's the last thing in the world I would ever do how those people are crazy crazy how do you think well my I guess my question's like two pronged because how do you think you managed to have that kind of relationship with me where it's like I still view you I've never viewed you as a friend I mean you're my best friend but I've never viewed you as like an equal or like you've always been still

your mother you've always been my mom like what advice do you have to maybe moms to be your younger moms and having that type of relationship with their daughter? Well, I think that just like really early on, you have to just make sure that your children are comfortable coming to you to tell you anything that happens to them. Yeah. I mean, that's probably the most important things to ask questions like, you know, about their day or what's happening or how they feel, you know, all those things all the time, not just like one day, I'm going to do it like every day you're doing it. Yeah. Every day. From when you're like a little, little kid. From when you're even can't even talk. Yeah. You know what I mean? You're still talking to your baby. Yeah. And just

making sure that they're comfortable coming to you to say anything that they, you know, feel or anything that happened. Yeah. As you got older, I made sure that I knew everything that you were doing. Yeah. So you, even though you didn't think I did, I did. You were spying on my emails, my texts everything everything your notes people wrote you everything yeah I read it all I knew everything that was going on but I didn't tell you I was doing it no you didn't know I was doing well because then it's like you lose your trust with your kid because you think that your parents are spying on you right or they just will learn to hide it better that's the other thing well I never there was I never had anything from you no because I didn't well number one I was never doing

anything bad no that's the other thing you weren't I mean if I had found out like you were doing some crazy stuff I would have like it would have been different it would have been a different story yeah so that's a whole other thing but how are you going to find that out if you don't like look at everything that's going on especially nowadays I mean it's even worse with oh my god you know the internet and shit you know people online and all that stuff people getting lured places, children getting lured and groomed and all that stuff. It's crazy. I mean, you got to be really, really careful with your child. And then you used to do things where like, you'd see me talking to somebody about something and but then you'd bring it up to me in like an interesting

way. Right? I usually would say, Oh, I'm Oprah today. They were talking about like teenage kids and drinking or whatever it is. And whatever it was, I saw in a note or, you know, online or something, I'd bring it up in that way to, you know, to tell you about it without you knowing that I was looking at your stuff. It always worked. I never thought you were looking at my stuff ever. It did. And the funny thing is sometimes I would hear you say to your friends what I had said to you. Really? So I was like, I was really taking it in. Wow. You and dad also had been you like balanced this being super involved in my life and being really protective but still giving me freedom too like i never felt like you guys were helicopter parents i never felt

like you were like in my shit i never thought you were looking at all of my text messages and notes and stuff how i mean like even the day after i graduated high school i was on a plane to go on warp tour for the first time and dad was on the plane with me he flew with me to like kansas and you guys let me go on warp tour when I was 18 years old. I know that was crazy. Which is crazy looking back. I'm like, I don't think I'd let my kid do that. No. I mean, nowadays you would never let your kid do anything, but, um, I mean, you were always like really responsible. Yeah. We knew you weren't having sex. That was another thing. I mean, I, you know, you had a good head on your shoulder you weren't doing drugs yeah you know you're drinking a little bit but I mean

well so is everybody yeah and you know I knew you were a pretty good kid and that if anything happened that you would call us right away yeah that was the other thing yeah so I mean it was that was hard it didn't last very long and you came back yeah I got fired for my first work I mean it was I worked for a scam company but yeah but and dad almost got in a fight with somebody because they weren't paying you I'll never forget that no it's just been you guys just did such a great job where it's like you allowed me to do what I wanted to do like you allowed me to go to all the con well in the beginning you used to drive me to the concert oh yeah you would drive me to not in the beginning for many years you drive me to chain reaction

which is the best concert venue in Anaheim you would park a block away and let me walk up to the venue like it looked like I was there on my own yeah a block away I don't think we let you walk a block or whatever let you walk like around the corner maybe well that's what I mean like around the corner so it didn't look like my parents were dropping me off and then you would wait for the entire concert to be over and you'd wait for me to be able to go take pictures with the band guys and you would pick me up right because that's what I wanted to do I didn't want to go to baseball or football games I didn't want to do all these things and we were watching you then too when I mean like when you were talking to the people out front was dad like

no we would park where we could see what was happening always watching you're lucky we didn't go in the concert with you I know I mean did you ever no no you never did no I was always well I mean I had like friends with me yeah um what okay so obviously I'm becoming a mom hopefully sometime maybe soon very soon I hope oh my gosh what is your biggest piece of advice to me um get a house near us so I can help you that's my biggest giant piece of I mean it's our biggest goal at this point I know I mean you literally have to be right here yeah I need help so dad and I can help you yeah that's it that's my biggest you're gonna need my help i mean truthfully i don't know if you could do it by yourself no i don't think you

could well jared's i mean he's gone a lot he's gonna be gone sometimes like i wouldn't be able to do it alone yeah there's just no way i'm lucky that i have you guys you know everybody does no and the other advice i have is just because you had a mom that wasn't so great doesn't mean you can't be a great mom that's really good advice yeah yeah because you can turn that around you don't have to like, follow that. I mean, I only had my mother till I was 10 years old. So I didn't have a mother very long. Yeah. But I still think I'm a great mother. You're the best. So you can do it. Yeah. I mean, even if you don't have a great mother, because there's lots of people that really don't. Yeah. I mean, unfortunately, and just because you don't have to have kids either.

Yeah. If you don't want kids, you don't have to have a kid. Yeah. Nobody can force you to have one and you know you don't have to have one you don't have to be a parent everybody is not cut out for it well there's a million it's freaking hard well and life-changing yes and consuming all consuming the rewards are so great but it's also really really hard it's very hard to be a parent because you're responsible for a human being that's crazy I think like what we're kind of as a society understanding is there's a million different ways to have a family and it doesn't mean you have to have a child there's a million different ways to foster community and to put your time into something that matters where it's like it doesn't have to be this very like black

and white situation so I'm happy that I think our generation is the first that's kind of understanding that like it doesn't have if it's not right for you that's okay like and there's so much there's so many ways to find value in life other than that right I mean and like I said everybody's not cut out for it yeah it's just not for the faint of heart no i mean it's taken me this long to be like am i i don't know you are definitely cut out for it i don't know you are with my help you're cut out i really want to go drink a cocktail on the beach right now that is gonna be an issue you cannot have a cocktail yes i can not during your pregnancy my pregnancy i just mean in general oh yeah i mean afterwards you can yeah so well i loved having you here

i love i love podcasting with you and i love being your daughter thank you honey i love you too all right and that's the other thing make sure you tell your children you love them yes many many times a day yes always i mean even now i tell you i love you all the time all the time i've said it probably five times on our podcast so far right so that's a huge must yeah that way your child doesn't have any like doubts that you love them because you're telling them all the time that you do yeah it's really important it really is the most important okay love you love you too thank you so much for listening the lady gang is produced by steve delameter stacy para jared monaco and social support from amy ryerson it really means the world to us when you show up

in our community outside the podcast so sign up for our secret facebook group just search the lady gang under groups follow us on instagram and tiktok at the lady gang and the most important thing you can do is share this episode with a friend we would love that so much thanks for listening