LadyGang - Max Greenfield

Episode Date: January 11, 2022

While you may know him from New Girl, Ugly Betty or Veronica Mars, he’s taking on a new role as Professor Max Greenfield in his children’s book that will make you want to read. Plus, find out what it takes to be one of the funniest men on TV and why Keltie may have become a fan of mustaches. Check out our amazing sponsors!!! Bev: Go to drinkbev.com/ladygang or use code LADYGANG at to get 20% off your first purchase PLUS FREE SHIPPING on all orders! BetterHelp: Get 10% off your first month at BetterHelp.com/ladygang  Brooklinen: Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code LADIES for $20 off your purchase of $100. PH-D: Use code LADY at phdfemininehealth.com/win to get 20% off all products – a FREE Lifestyle Subscription Box from Bombay and Cedar– PLUS a $500 Visa gift card! Progressive: Take one small step today and get a quote at Progressive.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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20% off. Go to shop.theladygang.com. Shop.theladygang.com and get yourself some goods. Well, what is this? Welcome to the Lady Gang. That's amazing. Say that again. The Lady Gang.

Things are about to change around here. Each week, we catch up with Hollywood's hottest girl posse, Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to the Lady Gang. I am Becca Tobin here with Jack Vanek and Kelty Knight. Hello. Hey, ladies. We have a really exciting episode because this is someone that we've tried to get on for some time now.

He's the funniest man alive, but that's not time for that yet. It's time for... Good week. Yes, it is. Bad week. Oh, no. Okay. Who would like to go first? I'll take it away.

Thank you. Take it away. Good week. Good week. I have a new T-shirt mantra saying that is going to come into 2022. As you know, I used to, when things were going bad, sing, can you feel a brand new day? We know, yeah. Until Chelsea, when she was my assistant, made me a T-shirt that said, can you feel

a brand new day? And I'm retiring. Can you feel a brand new day? i've got a new saying when anyone comes at me questioning my choices in fashion in verbiage in writing ability for a book and ford said don't knock it till you knight it oh i don't know i thought you were gonna quote leanne ford she recently was asked what is out like for interior design in 2022 and she goes judgment oh yeah so it's like you could do whatever you want to do basically if it makes you happy don't knock it till you better than i

don't doesn't really make sense to be honest that's true don't don't well guess what i'm gonna judge my hair bow until you feel good until you try a hair bow but i've tried a hair bow my hair and i knocked it on myself and you looked at great okay no nobody looks great with a hair bow after the age of 12 no all right kelty that's fine we'll see how much it gets used all right bad week um i have been um 100 tourist ripped off so this is a little bit old but when i went on my trip i i was like telling adnan my tour guide i was like don't take me to any of the tourist places like i don't want a keychain like i was like i want like a handmade you know um earring or like a handmade uh someone knitted it like i i'm like i'm a real like collector of my international

travels and so every white woman who he talks to on these tours exactly so he took me to like a spot and i was like there's like dead sea mud and there's like stupid shit and i was like oh i don't and then i felt so bad because every time you go into the store they're like so desperate for you to buy something because the tourism is like really down in that area of the world so i was like i gotta buy something and then i found this like really cute bracelet and this really cute earring and i was like wow this is so beautiful it's my first stop i was like chris what do you think and like i looked at them and they were each like a little bit under a hundred dollars and it's like if i went to zara and bought a pair of like not real gold jewelry i would pay like

twelve dollars right so then i was like chris is like i don't know like do you think it's real silver I was like what is it made of I'm allergic and he's like no it's silver and it had the little silver stamp on it and I was like okay like I'm just gonna support them and I got them and then like when I got I put them away in my bag I got home from the trip and I unwrapped these motherfuckers and I was like this is the shittiest jewelry I've ever seen in my life like it's probably was made in China it is definitely not handmade by a Bedouin and I just feel like a loser they're gorgeous and honestly i bought them because becca had beautiful emerald earrings at her wedding and i've always wanted a pair of emerald earrings and this is like a faux emerald but anyway

i'm gonna wear them i'll let you know yeah keep us posted a classic ripoff walking uh like what is it uh like a karen but not a karen a sucker yeah like a sucker a walking sucker just every white woman who takes her first vacation to the middle east i know and i was like i really wanted jewelry and then the bad news is i spent so much money on other shitty things that by the time on the last day we actually went shopping and it was like all the amazing things that i found this like gorgeous bangle that was like real gold and it was so beautiful and i was like how much is in there eight hundred dollars and i was like well fuck i already spent my two hundred dollar jewelry budget on this shitty faux emerald from the shitty gas station stop god damn it at least it has a

great story when you posted those on instagram i did think like this is shitty he's never gonna wear that never not once it wasn't really your style that's what happens i mean listen i am gonna i'm judgment is out so i'm not judging you because i basically did the exact same thing in santa fe america okay zach and i were in this one store like downtown and it's amazing santa fe is a wonderful place do i want to look like i live there in my house in texas no but you forget that and you lose your way a little bit and you get seduced by like the great turquoise jewelry textiles yeah i'm like i'm a turquoise yes but then i realized i realized the moment i made that realization was we were in this one store and it was all these beautiful photographs like

beautiful Native American art and just like inexpensive really expensive and there's this like white woman from Arkansas in there and she's become a collector of these of this artwork and she's certainly she's definitely not Native American and she's just chatting the guy's ear off about how she wants to get this as a mate to the her collection that she has and i'm like oh shit she drank the kool-aid and she looks like a dipshit oh and so does kelty it happens all the time everywhere slippery slope slippery slope when you have no self brand i'll go now um i got a really wonderful uh dm just when you think you've lost it i got a message from janet hello becca you have an amazing profile and i think it would be perfect

for only fans content oh my god i would love to talk to you about becoming a creator on our platform only fans is a great place for you to monetize off the content you're already creating she sent me an only fans slash how actors use only fans whatever uh hyperlink um so there you have it guys i could be posting all this riveting content for more for more money topless yeah i'm like the con does she know what kind of content you're putting out i thought i'm like i just fed my dog a tortilla chip on stories nobody is paying five dollars a month for that but if you did it topless i sure would i thought they took the sex out of only fans i think maybe allegedly can you really police that i don't know because can't you send direct isn't that what only fans

was literally only yeah it's only fans only nudity fans and i'm not knocking it i think it's incredible no it's people make so much so much money on only fans and yeah and i'm just flattered that they thought i could be one of them so that was my good week why don't you just put your fappening photos on only fans you could probably make a lot of money off that exclusive they're not exclusive oh my god okay what kelty what are you gonna say what's next oh that was your week i was about i'm looking at the time baby i'm looking at the time i was moving into that um here's my bad week is that i am not into coffee anymore oh um i don't know what happened i wake up in the morning and i don't want to drink it i am having this weird um you know how

everybody's like listen to your body what is your body telling intuition my body doesn't tell me anything and i've never been able to listen to it but i think this is the closest thing that i've ever had to listening to my body something about waking up on an empty stomach and drinking a shitload of coffee with like no water till 3pm. I felt like the acidity in my body was going to slowly cause cancer. Like I have this idea in my mind that like, this is gonna and I don't want it anymore. So I'm having to figure out how to caffeinate myself. Now it's matcha. And I figured out the most low maintenance way to make it but I want so badly this special fancy matcha making machine but it's 400 dollars just matcha it's just matcha but let me show you just let me show

you what it looks like look at this look at this crazy matcha baby way too much counter space you know it's a lot cheaper no it's tiny take some no-dose pills and call today like i used to do in high school no no dose is that like a five-hour energy no they're just like the caffeine pills that jesse spano od'd on i'm so i'm so scared okay go okay jack you better go okay so my good week uh you know that company balessa that i've been doing the vibrator vibrator giveaways with so over the holidays they messaged me this is like not a sponsor post or anything but they messaged me they're like hey uh for the holidays we'll send your friends a free vibrator if you want. And I was like, cool. So I got my friend's addresses. I'm like, I'm sending you a

gift, whatever. I didn't tell him what it was. All of my friends in like my group chat, there's like nine of them. They all get a vibrator in the mail. They didn't know it was coming. And two out of the nine people opened it up in front of their parents. It was amazing. I've got two separate texts being like, you Jack, where I was going on a trip and my parents came over to like get my mail before we left and I opened my vibrator that says buzz buzz bitch on it right in front of my mom and my dad so that just gave me like that's wonderful a little bit of joy wow over here my bad week is so um all the men that I dated before Jared uh whenever we like would break up or like stop dating it was very abrupt and there was never a circling back you know how I am with men it was

just like light switch has been turned off never text me again and nobody really has at all in like since I started okay the other night I was sitting on the couch we're watching tv and my phone was just like lying out right in between me and Jared and up pops a text from Eric PG and I was like what the and what the scientist no he was a lawyer that I dated a few months before Jared and I started dating but the text pop pops up and jared's like who the f is eric pg and why is he texting you and i go and i open it and i guess he like represents some like liquid iv or somebody that i worked with and he's like well haha random i saw you pop up on my feed this is one of my clients so now jared has it in his mind that he needs to murder eric pg well eric pg was putting

it out there he was testing the water just i that's what i'm saying of course he was listen it's not that small of a world i mean liquid ivs everywhere and they're paying everyone to do ads for them like he literally was like this is my in yeah for sure testing out the waters i didn't respond but it's just so funny because jared's like you up for one second and it's been weeks and he keeps bringing eric pg up about how he needs to kill him in one way or another i'm on jared's side i fully understand because you know what that guy he saw you advertising it he also saw that you're engaged and you're and you're hot yeah i have gotten hotter since then so it's really it's like you're prime prime jack for me now but yeah poor jared he's gonna have to figure

out how he's gonna kill him eric pg coming up we have max greenfield i absolutely love this product bev and now that they're sponsoring lady gang i love them even more it's the perfect drink for gatherings, parties, and events. And literally I just stock them in my fridge and people come over and I'm like, can I get you a drink? And I don't have to open a whole bottle of wine. I've got this chic little baby can of a delicious, yummy, yummy, yummy sparkling rosé, Pinot Noir, Pinot Gris, Sauvablanc, rosé. They are dry, crisp, a little fizzy, super refreshing and delicious. There's zero sugar and only three carbs and a hundred calories per serving. So it's amazing. It's such a great little four pack to bring when someone's hosting or you want a gift i know that a lot of

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Comparison rates not available in all states or situations. Prices vary based on how you buy. You're listening to The Lady Gang. Our guest today is the star of The Neighborhood on CBS and is an Emmy Award, Critics' Choice Award, Golden Globe Award, and most importantly, Teen Choice Award nominated actor. He's been on every show you've ever loved. verona kamara's happy endings ugly betty mindy project american hero story new girl and most importantly this video short seth rogan worst person in the world he's got a new kids book i don't want to read this book out now his wife is gorgeous and i'm gonna go out on a limb and

say that he single-handedly uh saved homeschooling during the pandemic with his homework videos he made with his daughter which has been viewed millions and millions of times becca also did a tiktok with that same daughter and it got some views so who's the real star it might be your daughter just saying please welcome to the lady gang max greenfield wow that was a lot he hid for half that intro he hid um but most importantly you didn't win any of those awards just nominations yeah i avoid winning at all costs we do too so we should really resonate yeah is there like you know how when you win an oscar you're an egot is there like the loser version when you're nominated for all of them and don't win any of them because you're close i feel like a loser most of the time

i'm just bugging you i'm just no no please i know um you know having lost all those it really isn't it's really i remember being at the emmys and thinking because that the golden globes was ridiculous one that whole thing is ridiculous yeah but you get thrown into this weird category where if you're a supporting actor it's uh all dramatic actors and comedic actors so i was like up against ed harris and mandy patamkin and i was like it would be a real bummer for everybody if i won this and then but the emmys was a weird one because it was the timing of it and i thought yeah i was like am i gonna win this and right before they and it's like one of the first awards and right before they call your name i had a i got a stomach pain that i thought was going to

send me to the hospital and i thought if i have to go up there and speak you do you remember when merit weaver won what was that for i think nurse jackie maybe okay yeah she went up and she was like no way ran off the stage that's exactly how you feel right beforehand and then they called eric stone street's name and for a second i felt like the worst feeling in the world where i was like well i'm a piece of shit and then within three minutes i thought to myself thank god you would have shit yourself all of the i just yeah what was the stomach pain are you okay stomach pain was the idea of of having to get up i might have to get up there and talk yeah i can't if somebody says i was like i did a good job in something i can't i can't accept a compliment

i'll have to do something like i have to get out of it some way and if you put me on stage in front of what feels like a billion people serious question though so max's wife for for those of you who don't know is is this powerhouse executive like and runs the shit i mean she's way more important than max is um by far did she force you to like write a speech like what do you do in that situation like do you prepare or are you somebody who just like had lists of of names had you practiced in the shower coming up in Hollywood? I feel like Tess would have made you be a little prepared knowing how awkward

you are. In general before I go anywhere and speak publicly and I do a lot of talk show Tess will go like this say something nice about me. Oh my god amazing and I just did a podcast

and and she came up and i i genuinely froze because i go this is the moment and i thought about it and i i was like i don't know i'm not smart enough to articulate you know what it is that she means to me in my life and how important she is to me and i don't and i and i don't know how to answer the question so you freeze wait so do you you never you never remember to bring up something nice about her like by yourself i'm look ls emotionally i'm very uh immature and so no shit guys you're you're so emotionally

immature but so lovable you're like a golden retriever the dumbest golden retriever um but when when forced to be articulate in an emotional setting or circumstance if it's anything like this i can't do it i've had a rough morning you guys what happened we're back in homeschool and you are just for a week they had scheduled it after the the break and yeah but max this is like ka-ching ka-ching because i've been watching this whole thing unfold and from the beginning you were just doing it for the fans but now you're doing it for amazon hashtag ads so it means homeschool means you're getting paid that's what's up i mean enough we did we the amazon stuff that was cute the most recent amazon one we did was uh to fulfill teachers wish lists

oh that's cute which i love the thing with that was you know we were doing in the middle of pandemic we're doing these homeschool videos and what the first one we did was you know because the pandemic hit or the lockdown hit i should say um on a saturday wherein they were the kids were in school on a friday and then monday all of a sudden they're like you need to homeschool your children here's a curriculum have fun yeah and i was about to finish our show anyway i was like all set mentally to be on hiatus. And I go, great, let's do this. I'm in sort of took the pressure off of having to get a hiatus job. I was like, Tess, I can't, there's a, uh, there's a pandemic. I have to homeschool. I don't have to like fight for these jobs right now. Um, so we

dove in and, and, you know, as you can tell already how, what a, what a genius I am. Obviously, um, I'm an even better teacher. Oh, God. And so both Lily and I realized quite immediately that this was worst case scenario. And we were both overwhelmed. Certainly I was. And to the point where it just became hilarious. So I took a photo of the two of us.

I put it online and I said, Professor Greenfield, homeschooled, thinking this is how social media works in a great way. Here I am. I'm alone. I feel scared. I'm unable to connect with other human beings. Let's let me put this out there. I'm sure somebody must feel the same way. Sure enough, like a million people wrote in and got this huge response. We put a couple more up. Then we started doing videos. Then we really started having fun with it. And the two of us were having a great time we start getting all these responses from teachers who are saying i miss my kids so much these videos are like keeping me going i get i get all these responses from like many dms from first responders who are like i'm in the hospital all day dealing with something i never a situation

this is the worst situation i've ever been in we get very few breaks i'm watching these videos i'm on my breaks and they're truly making my day thank you for doing them i then thought do we have to keep doing this the whole world is depending on you well you know when you tell an idiot like me i'm like we're saving we gotta we're gonna save the world we gotta keep doing these instagram pictures and lily his daughter is like there's one of the videos which is the most amazing one is she drawing a mustache on herself with a marker yeah that one was great because that one i i honestly i don't even know if i was in the room or i was and i was just like just do you just go and then we added it together and she's just it's incredible she's she's a riot

she's a free spirit so i'm i'm glad that with this becca as a as a part of the trio set me up perfectly for my next question it's more of a confession max um and this one's just for me this is not on behalf of the lady gang i hate a mustache on a man so much i found you so sexually attractive that mustache i was like i'm sorry is a mustache so hot now like you tess is gonna probably come murder me and my husband he's gonna be mad but that fucking mustache for you mustache max 10 10 would do it confession yeah it wasn't real you in that bedroom with yoda and yoda and the and this and the light say or this this the lighter that's a

some sort of sword or um scepter maybe r2d2 the unopened toys um i find that so sexually attractive honest to god when i did that to you i'm so sorry kelty 10 10 out of 10 because usually i don't find yoda and r2d2 and erotic lord of the rings and unopened toys ow my stomach hurts i don't usually find that sexually attractive but yeah in this moment right now okay max real question though when i was researching you for this obviously i know

who you are but like i really wanted to get all the information and there's barely in your intro was barely like tip of the iceberg um and so i'm wondering like what do you think it is about you that you book everything like are you crazy good at auditions like your ratio of like good shows and appearing on them is very high because usually people have like one maybe two like are you great at auditions do you take a beta beta blocker like what is the secret sauce here she's like i don't see it you didn't do too much research well i mean that you are probably in the industry an actor who has steadily worked on a hit tv show for like i just say yes to things yes so you offer only so there

is no secret auditions oh no no no no i i've auditioned for almost everything i've i've done Um, there were 12 years of auditioning and not getting anything. I mean, my percent, uh, I think the percentage of, of jobs I got, um, in terms of having audition auditions I had, I would say it was in three to 4%, um, to the point where I really was, was I had sort of quit acting. i was not going to do it anymore we had had lily lily was one years old and um at that point i was really content being a dad and didn't want to like be the actor who was carrying a car seat into an audition room and be like oh she'll be quiet um just that one scene where um the

sergeant is supposed to yell can we just make sure that we keep it down because she's sleeping um I didn't want I didn't want to do that it felt really selfish um to to me and to my family and you know Tess has a full career and I thought let me just I'll be a dad you go do your thing whatever job I'm gonna make I'm gonna get him probably makes that's what we pay a nanny so like I got this. And I was reaching out to people, uh, just about like, you know, a writer's assistant job, maybe, um, and exploring other opportunities way outside of acting. And then new girl came around and just changed everything. And it really was, it was the mixture of a really one, an excellent audition, but I don't know that I give that audition. If I had

not failed on a thousand auditions and just simply didn't give up anymore yeah um and just having a character come along that was exactly right for me um and so there was that sort of kicked everything off and then after that it's been a lot of i don't know i it has been a lot of saying yes and then honestly just getting really lucky um i don't like in turn i think i've been lucky that i've been a part of a bunch of things that people have seen and and and been favorable to but other than that i don't know you've sort of like gone from a really big ensemble show where it's like the show itself is the star and you guys are also all kind of equally i mean i know zoe was like the star of that show but it was

heavily ensemble to now it feels like you're just being plugged into people's projects where they want it to be good or cool like isn't it did you feel that with like the neighborhood where they were like what this show is going to work we have to have like these two humans every circumstance is definitely new year unique i mean i would say even before new girl like ugly betty and um happy endings those were both situations where happy endings i had auditioned well i had auditioned to be a part of like the main cast of happy endings no really i mean multiple multiple times and the network was just like no we don't want like that's not our guy and and i was like what can can i can i be can i be the guy i can be the guy

no no no he's not the guy he's not the guy um and that's a bummer wait what character did you audition for or was it just in general for that no for the zach knighton character okay yeah i remember auditioning for that show and it was me pally and damon and i was like this feels like a cool show i'm in and then they were like we really like damon we love he's in adam they may jump through a few hoops and then me they were like no we're not gonna give you all the people that you want we're gonna kick him out and then i remember having like auditioned a couple other times because they couldn't find somebody then and zach had been doing a show for abc at the time i think that was about to get canceled and and they really like zach and he's great and um

and so they bumped him over to happy endings and i was like oh cool cool with that show and with ugly betty also um there was just bigger roles that i had auditioned for and then didn't get and then they had me come back and do like an episode or um whatever it is And then after New Girl, yeah, again, it's just been, like, really, I've been really lucky to be a part of. Like, to back this question, I don't know if it's, I knew coming off of New Girl, I had a little bit of leverage just because that was a really popular show. And I knew that I would have one, if I was going to do another network TV show, um, it had to be the right circumstance. Um, and I also didn't want to wait too long.

Um, but the neighborhood was a really, was a really interesting thing. I, I wanted to do a multicam. Um, um, my kids are of the age that, uh, that's the type of show that really allows you to see them and be a part of their lives. Um, and so it was very, very appealing to me. Plus I love multi. Um, so that, uh, that opportunity came up, Cedric got involved and I know a bunch of people who had worked with Cedric and said how wonderful he was. And it just felt like, all right, let's go. and at that point it had already been picked up and i thought this is boom some yeah somebody had said hey listen if the show lasts for 11 years will you be okay having passed on it now

and i went no no and by the way at cbs it's gonna last 11 years because they keep what season are you in right now we're in the middle of four yeah yeah wow i'm just trying to stay on tv forever well here's my next question um and this is for each one of us is going to answer okay but it's you know but i want you to go well yeah you can go first max okay so i just finished watching don't look up have you seen it yet did you watch it i did okay great so if you had to choose one famous co-star for the becca for you co-star jack for you just anyone me for anyone because We don't have co-stars to ride in the spaceship to the new earth, like in don't look up to restart humanity with what one person would you

take? Oh, to like, okay. Well, my survival, I don't know. You can give me your own reason,

but who are you taking? There's only one seat available. I have, I mean, I, I immediately, and your wife's coming. There's already a seat for your wife and your children.

I have a question. Yeah. i have a question how did i end up on how are you one of the chosen ones who put me on cbs that was cbs okay now we're talking like they had a bunch of money they took that super bowl money and they're like the neighborhood's still on it's gonna be on on this planet we should put max because we're still making money off him well obviously these people are smart geniuses but like you've had you've been a part of a lot of casts with a lot of rad people so i want to know who you're taking with you it has to be somebody who i've worked with yes one of your famous

co-stars who would i go with oh god almighty i get to pick one person do you have to becca do you have yours yeah okay who would you pick becca i would pick kevin mckale from glee what's your reasoning because he's fire skills he would have no skills he would be so but he makes me laugh harder than anybody on the planet and i think that's important because i'm gonna be bored there's gonna be no netflix 22 000 years it said to get to that other planet yeah i'm gonna need some entertainment i'm gonna go with kevin mckill and he can dance and he can sing and he could just you know entertain jack um i'm picking a celebrity

yes yeah i would pick chris hemsworth to restart the population and off on a really good start wow to hump i'm going to pick machine gun kelly because i i also want to start society off with tall skinny men that sing about their feelings there you go max interesting choice max you don't have to have intercourse with this person these two perverts have chosen that as their journey you don't have to yeah well no his wife's gonna be there yeah yeah and she'll be happy to bear more children for you well maybe i'll bring a sexual partner for tess oh there you go yeah yeah what oh jason momoa you know that's who i was thinking of to begin with because i'm like he also seems like what were you in with him have you been in something with him did you break the

rules a little bit max no just i've never been in i've never been in something but he he's just so special he's really cool and special and he's handy and can do stuff he also looks like he can like wield an axe and yes meanwhile he's probably the biggest pussy on the planet no one has confirmed that he can do anything that's true i'm not trying to test that out that guy that guy looks for real i would not question jason momoa's skills i think if you're if you're if you're trying to figure out biggest pussy on the planet and you're looking at me and jason momoa i'm gonna raise my hand immediately that's amazing are you going with cedric

would i take cedric i mean sure he'd be a good time we'd laugh we'd die quick at least it would be fine the people that i'm thinking of that life would be a good time we'd be dead immediately on another planet yeah jay johnson jay johnson and i wouldn't even make it to the planet we'd kill each other on the you know on the spaceship you'd pick up your cryotherapy yeah um i want to talk about your kids book because i actually got to take a peek at it when becca had a copy at my house and she just carries it around with her all everywhere where she goes you're welcome the book is amazing you know when i saw max at the beginning i think it was the beginning of the pandemic and you were talking about how scared you were because the lady

gang book had just come out and you were like and it hit the new york times bestseller list and you were like oh no what about my book oh my god and you're like i'm doing a book i'm so scared i have no business writing a children's book yada yada yada yada and i'm like oh okay low expectations managing expectations and then Tess brings me this book and it is the coolest kid's book ever I gave it to my six-year-old niece who actually does hate to read and she thought it was the most clever thing she'd ever seen and I just kudos to you thank you um yeah it's it's been a really great experience I I love the book I love how it came out um I it was right in that time we were doing all those videos with with lily and the homeschool stuff and i had an agent

uta who i never met was like hello and i go hey albert and albert's like uh i've been watching these videos and i think there's something there okay um what are you thinking and he goes have have you ever thought about doing a podcast and i went wow no have you have you listened to me speak aloud i go can you imagine not not only 45 minutes of me speaking but multiple versions of 45 minutes and it's i go there's going to be such long you you have to pay an editor a million dollars um so he goes okay so i guess that's out um he goes what about a book i go i can't write i can't write a real book that's gonna take me forever i'm gonna take me a lifetime um and then he goes what about children's book i go

that's interesting i read a lot of children's book i could write i could like wrap my head around that. And so I took the day and then I came back to him and I was like, look, if we were going to do it, it would be a book called, I don't want to read this book. And it'd be all the reasons why you don't want to read a book. And that would be the book. And by the end of the book, your kid who doesn't want to read the book will have read a book. And he goes, can I take this out? And I go, yeah, sure, man. And let me tell you, I've written a fair share of script in my day. And I've taken them out to networks and movie people and the response is always like and i go i just i'm letting you know i worked really hard on this and i think i think it's great

um okay and i'm like well what's your feedback well we're directionally and i go okay forget it so he goes i want to take this out and i thought you know it's a bummer because i'd like to write that book i think it would be fun it's a shame never like nothing's ever going to happen with that and two days later he was like oh penguin bought it oh my god oh shit now i gotta write this thing and as i started to write it it was this incredible experience of like everything that i went through as a young student as a reluctant reader everything i was dealing with with uh my child i had one of lily's friends who we were also sort of homeschooling who was zooming in with us for some reason i like was starting a classroom i would ask the two of them

as we were doing i was like so what do you guys like not like about reading and i remember her friend goes i don't know i just have like better things to do oh my god true was it me say that one more time and so the two of them were so funny and we wrote this book it was really clever and then we got this great illustrator mike lowry who came in and it was it's been this incredible experience well thank god you didn't start a podcast we have enough celebrity competition. Just saying. When we come back, MEX is going to fix your life. I can't even explain how excited I am to talk to you about this next sponsor, PhD Feminine Health. That's right. Feminine Health. It's all about reinventing holistic

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Bombay and Cedar, which contains vegan and cruelty-free deluxe-sized beauty and lifestyle products, a retail value of over $100, plus a Visa gift card for $500. Go to phdfemininehealth.com slash win. You can also get 20% off all products right now. Use code LADY, phdfemininehealth.com slash win. Hey, ladies. Funky. Ask the Lady Gang. okay we're back okay max you're gonna help us fix our girls lives by giving some advice it's gonna be very questionable i think yeah yeah so far so here we go our first question comes from katie and she says i'm moving in with my boyfriend but his style and the way that he decorates his home is ugly picture a giant marlin hung above the couch fake cobweb covered palm

trees side by side at the door a fish tank that has no fish he just likes the blue light and bubbles he's a bit older owns his home and loves the way that it's decorated how do i make his new house this new house feel like a home for both of us and dear god how do i get rid of all the fish wall art what do you think what's this what's this uh woman's name her name is katie katie uh Katie, I can only speak from my own experience. Obviously, you don't want my advice, so I can only speak from my experience. My experience in this arena, which feels like an interior design issue, is what happens in my house. uh, Tess makes all the decisions as the woman should. And, um, and I just go along with it. And every time I've tried to insert my opinion, it's always been a mistake and, um, it doesn't feel good. And I don't like how I'm spoken to when I, when I try to fix things or hang things

or put things up so katie just get your confidence back and make the house your house and know that the marlin or whatever else he has up there are no more important than you and your comfort wow honestly it's great next question sold i know i can't move on until we discuss a fish tank with no fish inside of it he likes the ambience that it gives his room i suggest a lava lump lump lava lump i love a lump it's like fancier than home goods like you get it at like restoration hardware he needs to just get like some kind of a projector that you can turn on and off to create the same sort of a feel get him the oculus he could just put it on and be in the side of a fish tank and you don't ever have to see fish create your own sims world

i think fish tank inside like when i walk into someone's house and i'm like oh are these your fish and they're like yeah this is smiley and tiny like i'm like you're not my person i would do katie also is i would just like instagram the transit like the the transformation and then you'll get like uh maybe find a sponsor yeah you'll find a sponsor he'll be excited because he's got a little bit of fame yeah like cb2 will come in and me do the house or the property brothers or something and then like the whole thing's for free and it's like that that works for people right and then all of a sudden you're a celebrity is this a show year and eight you're like oh my god check out my house and architectural digest

i feel like this is a show i feel like girls should should call us to my shitty boyfriend's room my nasty perfect deuce bigelow boyfriend or guys is this the podcast that i should have done maybe definitely interior design podcasts are probably super there was a bit don't answer seriously i don't know i don't know how to not wild in today's episode she's next question your tone is all over the place this is her on a good day yeah this is her kind of tone down okay next question comes from marissa she says my dad is the sweetest most angelic man in the world while he isn't a mechanic he prides himself on being able to learn anything and has fixed his chevy so many times so i let him change my car's spark plugs however a few weeks later i decided to go

to a mechanic to check everything out and five hundred dollars later i was told that they were the wrong plugs done done done when my dad asked what was wrong do i lie and make something up to save his feelings how do i avoid this from happening again and again marissa you have my dad is a mechanic and let me just tell you sometimes dad's love languages are the things they're good at and max you can also as a real dad give your opinion of course but i think that i would just continue to let him up your car and know that you're going to get an inheritance one day on the back end because maybe probably has very few joys in his life than like being your dad this seems so personal to you yeah i'm gonna take the financial approach to this too

yeah one day you know you're gonna come into five million dollars when he dies yeah i think this is really actually an interesting so like let's think about long-term investment here um what exactly like what's the inheritance gonna look like if we're talking uh six figures let him do whatever he wants to i'm just saying my dad like recently was at my house in la and i had a hole in the wall and he fixed it with the spray foam that is bright yellow and it was so ugly and then i was like can you paint it and then he painted it now it just looks like a giant painted barf and i'm like i love that spray foam you know what i will never fix it can kill your dad but your dad is i'm assuming your dad's loaded no he's he's a mechanic

but for like tesla or something she's coming into some sort of a hair inheritance she's apparently getting a big inheritance and i'm not but i'm just saying she probably is no no five hundred dollars at least to cover the spark plugs every woman or every man should do what max is doing because he is setting the bar really low for lily so she's never gonna feel like i need to ask my dad to do this thing because his identity is being really good at these things and handy my like most dads their identity is tied up in fixing things and over time they get older and they lose their touch but you don't want to tell them so good job max you are gonna be just status quo forever your identity is not fixing

things no one depends on me for anything there you go it is well known that i am next to useless by every member of the household yeah i can attest to that no you have to let your dad feel like he's being needed because set aside some money to get it fixed and call it a day yeah okay cheaper for him to fix last question and this question i'm loving it's by poor bitch and she says a few months back i went on a few dates with this guy that i met on hinge and then we had sex but after that i never heard from him so i assumed he ghosted me a few weeks ago i saw him on tinder and we matched again he told me he dropped his phone in the ocean surfing and lost my number i think i'm upset because he's rich with a pool while i'm living on a converted living room

should i entertain his antics to use the pool or should i give up love this question it's really good he said an alien came from space and ate his phone with his snarky snuffle guffalus nose who surfs with their phone it's literally the equivalent of my dog ate my homework less less likely less likely i gotta say guys uh and i it's a tough one poor bitch um because i will say this guy sounds rich pretty cool he's got a pool he's a surfer and he's obviously rolling calls out there while he's like he's he's working while he's surfing and so this is like oh man this is a tough one especially because he's like not only is he on a hinge he's on tender tender yes it's pronounced tinder

tender tender touch tess and i've been together for so long i don't none of these none of these applications they didn't exist no you had like a phone that you would text on the do t9 and you're playing snake yeah like where are you at what's going on well tender exists max and people are finding love in all the right places there do you think um he's he swiped right with this with poor bitch well that's their thing like accidentally well he's got his phone out there he didn't mean to or he doesn't even remember probably doesn't remember her he's like oh it's a pretty girl and then he realized and he's like oh oh shit so poor bitch he might not even invite you to his pool he might be done

and also i found that if you live in los angeles um and you want to have a pool if you go to the standard downtown all you have to order is a coke and fries and that will you sit at your pool if you're hot all day do you know this and then if you have an inheritance you can get it after did you have a hot friend try this kelty rude i used to be quite attractive i was really hot but now the horse is with you now i'm here in the toy day it's really humbling because it's minus 22 did you ever date a girl because she had a pool and was rich first thing i look for in a woman i got a test was probably pretty well off financially when you snagged her i met her

and we were in a bar and i was like so i go you got a pool and she's like yeah i don't know is it like a kidney shape pool or is it just like rectangle it's kidney shape that's right on that's my type that's what i was looking for isn't kidney shape mean that means that it's like older or is that back now oh that's like palm springs rich that's old money like i invented ketchup rich yeah old money pool david hoppin pools wow okay well listen max uh becca's been telling us how great you and Tess are for months, years. And I believe them, but now we've confirmed you're great. You're great. You guys can follow Max at I am Max Greenfield, and you could go to the store or Amazon, but don't do Amazon. Go to your indie, your local indie and support him and

pick up. I don't want to read this book for all your kids, for the gifts, give it to your husband for Valentine's day, whatever you want. Let's just continue to make his dream a reality. And I'm excited for uh your variety special with your daughter lily max and lily's tap dancing extravaganza professor night great field tender cool and we will see you next tuesday thanks for listening the lady gang is produced by alex ingber steve delameter and jared monaco make sure you subscribe rate and review our podcast and if you love it share it with your friends on social media like oh my god i just listened to lady gang this episode's so great swipe up to listen and if you really want to which we know you do please follow us on social

at kelty at becca at jack vanek and at the lady gang sign up for our newsletter at the lady gang.com and join our secret facebook group it's super fun see you next tuesday