LadyGang - Melissa Rivers

Episode Date: October 16, 2018

The actress, TV host, and equestrienne joins the Ladies this week to talk about her reign on the game show circuit, aging less-than-subtly, and the art of Swedish Death Giving. And thank you to today's sponsors: Amazon = Go to amazon.com/shop/ladygang to find their favorite products while keeping the podcast FREE! Brooklinen = Get $20 off and free shipping when you use promo code LADY at Brooklinen.com Felix Gray = Got to FelixGrayGlasses.com/lady to get your pair today with free shipping & returns MyBite Vitamins = Got to MyBiteVitamins.com today to get the scoop on the tastiest vitamin around--exclusively sold at Target Stamps.com = Go to Stamps.com and click the Radio Microphone icon at the top of the page and type in LADYGANG to receive $55 Free postage, a digital scale, and a 4 week trial ThirdLove = Got to ThirdLove.com/LadyGang now to find your perfect-fitting bra and get 15% off your first purchase See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey guys, it's your Lady Gang, Jack Vanek, Kelty Knight, and Becca Tobin. Thank you so much for subscribing on iTunes, and thanks for supporting the great sponsors who make it possible for us to have this much fun with you every single week for free. Well, what is this? Welcome to the Lady Gang. That's amazing. Say that again. The Lady Gang.

Things are about to change around here. Each week, we catch up with Hollywood's hottest girl posse, Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to the Lady Gang. I am Becca Tobin here with Jack Knight and Kelty Vannick. I was like, dude, you forget who we were? Uh-oh. I was on autopilot, I'm not gonna lie.

We're spending so much time together. It's so weird how the things that you say have become a thing. Like, people are like, hello, hello, hello, but like, you just started doing it, and now it's like part of us. No, you started. You did? Yes, because Kelty used to do the intros. She did?

She did, and then she emailed me one day and was like, hey, I talk too much on the Lady Gang. That's very true. I don't even remember her doing the intros. Yeah, because we each have our own little section. And so she's like, you need to do the intro. And you always started with hello, hello, hello. Actually, I'm the innovator.

You're the innovator. God, you're such a trendsetter, Kelty. In the promos that they're playing on E!, I hate how low energy I was when I said it. You're like, hello, hello, hello, and welcome to the Lady Gang. Hello, hello, hello. And any time I have to do voiceover stuff for the show, they're like, a little more energy. I'm, so monotone and I just don't even realize and it also just feels weird being high energy when you're trying to do something Like that. Yeah, but like healthy's a pro at like high energy. She also is literally a professional at doing that

That is her job. I guess you're right. I could never get notes I get notes sometimes where people are like you seem bored by this story. Can you do it again? For real? Yeah, there's been there's been times where they're like, are you not bored by most of the stories? No, i'm not really I love pop culture. So i'm not bored but I think like some are more exciting yeah sometimes like sometimes i am also on autopilot and i've trained myself that i cold read everything so like a lot of hosts will go through and they'll like look through all their scripts and read everything and then go in and track i just read it i don't know what's coming yeah like when you said you were nancy odell yeah that was the best that was so good she was

reading did we talk about this yet no i don't think so we were doing our huge huge like e promo shoot which by the way we haven't talked about on here i know we shouldn't when we talk about it on a quickie yeah so um we're doing this huge photo shoot and we're in this little like guest house of this house we've rented for the shoot and kelsey's like guys i need to go track which is essentially like sending voiceovers for et so she puts herself underneath a bed like literally eight blankets by the way this bed is disgusting there's like cats that have been living in that room that have not been cleaned in probably years there's like just probably feces underneath the blanket under the blanket and she's she's like you guys i just need you to be quiet like while

we're getting our makeup done and she's like i need to do these i need to do these i need to track so we keep hearing her and she's like will blah blah blah will demi lovato will uh like and it's like you know this like exciting whatever and she goes and from the entertainment newsroom in hollywood i'm nancy odell no i'm not like there that is the definition of autopilot it was so funny because i say that so many times a day but it always says nancy but i haven't supposed to switch it to me yeah it was so funny we were dying anyway anyway okay time for time for long intro that was a long intro good week yes it is bad week oh no okay mine's quick okay i have recently started playing tennis this is my good week i love it it is the best time ever i've been

taking lessons from a friend of a friend she's like a pro from the uk so she's so legit i'm loving it i never thought i could enjoy something that wasn't making me money or it doesn't really make me skinny either like it's a good workout but it's a good workout are you sore in your back at all i get sore like in my arms after but it's not like i'm not gonna get skinny but like i didn't think i could find passion for something that didn't make me money or make me skinnier congrats becca your black heart is i really feel arena i love tennis i know i want to go with you and start taking lessons you're going we'll be like tennis pros i'm going next thursday morning if you want to join me oh i think i'll be here next thursday morning hell yeah yes yes i just want an

outfit here's my you're an idiot um here's my bad week so um zach and i have like gotten into like this like rhythm at home like with i clean the inside of the house and he cleans the outside of the house so when we have company come over i clean up inside he cleans out outside like the dog poop and the shit that falls from the trees because we're in the hills and like it gets filthy back there well i had to entertain last week and i had to attempt to do that on my own nope i i actually started crying from frustration like i'm not kidding i had the blower in my hand and i was like i can't i can't do this and i was like i'm simply not getting divorced because i don't ever want to have to clean my backyard you want your backyard clean it's so hard so i don't have a

backyard yeah i cried like it was it was super embarrassing okay champagne problems yeah go jack i'll go my good week is i have a new word it is the f***ing i haven't done this one yet right the f***ing is when your day is going too well and you don't trust it and some shit finally goes down someone tagged me in this did they yeah it's so good so you're like oh today what is it like playing on it's like the happening oh god reckoning yeah reckoning oh my god we're gonna sound so dumb right now but i also when i first read it thought it was the fappening which is my naked photos are on obviously your mind's gonna go straight there i was like that was the that was a thing for your day yeah you probably were having a great day on the fappening probably had a good coffee that day

walked your dog you're like today's gonna be great and then it's like no it's not there it is did i ever say that i found out that my naked pictures were online when i was sitting next to my dad on the couch no yes i did you say anything yeah immediately i was like my whole body went numb oh yeah as it would hold sweat like the whole thing i walked outside i was at my sister's house visiting in atlanta walk outside call my manager i'm like is this real and he's like this is real so then i walk inside i was like dad please stay off the internet for the next 10 years nope until you die the internet is forever never go back it is forever yes bad week bad week um i was at jersey mike's my favorite sandwich shop every bad week starts

with jersey because i literally go there like every other day experiences stop going no i thought my other one was a good whatever guy in line behind you who just kept pushing against you oh yeah well it's like jersey mike's is like my house basically so i'm at jersey mike's getting a sandwich in between it was on one of our shoot days because we'd shoot like two segments we'd have an hour break in between them and like i literally only had this hour and i'm waiting in line it's a super long line there's this lady in front of me that's so annoying she gets to the front and then she starts asking all these questions about if the turkey is free range and if blah blah's organic i'm like what do you expect from jersey mike's it's a glorified subway like

it's delicious but like i'm not going there thinking that like any of this food is it's not quality so she's asking all these questions and then finally she's like you know what just give me tuna and he's like a tuna sandwich and she goes no a scoop of tuna and he's like well we don't really give like a scoop of tuna but okay like you want it in a bowl or whatever and she goes no i don't use plastic she put it in my hand out her hand with a napkin in it no asks for the scoop of tuna he gives it to her and she eats it out of her hand with a fork i am not kidding i mean you gotta respect her you know diligence to the cause what cause green the plastic green no i mean like the sea animals thank you lady but like weird but think about how much your hand smells after that

i know but she should have that like reusable plastic stuff yeah she just needs like a some kind of a tupperware to take with her i actually have an idea for lady gang for tv what i recently heard my friend who's shooting a movie she in chicago she has a no water bottle rule on set so she bought everybody their own little hydro flask oh i love that and they have like one like water dispenser situation i think we should do that i do too and hydro flasks make you drink so much more water yeah i love mine sorry pink hydro flasks just talking about hydro flasks If you could send us some, if we could get like pink lady gang hydro flasks,

it'd be adorable. Okay. Put it on the list. Lished. Um, my good week is that I got an IPL photo facial. Is that why your skin looks so good right now? It's not good.

It's like falling off. You, you look amazing right now. She does. You really do. It really suits you. Yeah. I think I'm like a good,

like pro fall sleep really helps my beauty. You know what I mean? No, I was going to say that like your skin looks really good. Oh, sorry. Orally. Spoiler alert. Orally and Callie are in here.

No, I got an IPL and it's been a long time since I got one. Cause you, it's unique. You can't go and you have a spray tan. And the girl that I go to shout out to Melissa at Honest Dermatology. I did pay full price for my IPL. So I'm just like, Oh wow. I'm just saying shout out for a full price, but she goes there. Like I'm like burn the out of my skin.

i don't want a shitty ipl that's gonna be gone in two days like i want a week worth of i have to cover it up and then i want to be a 22 year old but like the ipl is such a great treatment and i really think i wanted to tell the girls like if you invest in like one facial treatment don't spend all your money on these creams and like facials and whatever like go get an ipl burn your age spots off i did my chest it's true it's such a good like i've never gotten it before the lasers like it's good it burns off all your imperfections your old scars from zits like redness broken capillaries like it's really whatever orally i will murder you murder you um okay so bad week oh no i'm scared no no no it's fine the worst thing happened to me

kelsey loves to start something with no it's fine so i had like a stressful week and i decided i was going to treat myself to a vanilla milkshake from fat burger that sounds delicious and it was so good until no you pooped your pants i didn't poop my pants but like i mean there's just a reason why i don't do large amounts of dairy and like that was it you know but like it was worth it at the time it's always it's worth it i want a big and i like didn't even get a small like i got a large and i sucked that thing down in 30 seconds and then 30 seconds later i was like yeah anyway i'm just letting you know that i had explosive diarrhea probably why i'm looking so good because you're skinny i'm just like it's all coming out of me i like did it it's like a

it's like a fat burger cleanse you know what i mean i wish see when i like eat shitty food like that it just sits in my body like a rock mine doesn't go through me i wish it did too bad i I feel like that'd feel nice. It's like a colonic. Speaking of colonics, we're about to get our shit disturbed by a super famous woman. We love her. She's coming up next. Okay, what's going on?

Now, here's the Lady Gang. Our guest today is a red carpet staple, a New York Times bestselling author, producer, host, actor, and didn't know this until I started researching, an expert horse rider. And I know there's a fancy word for this, equestrian, But I didn't think I was going to get it right So I took it to a lowbrow place My life is lowbrow in reality So I'm not worried

She's used her powers for good Appearing on competition shows On behalf of her favorite charities And most importantly She's maybe the best Family Feud player In the history of the game And in the past year She's opened up her life to us

On her stunning Instagram account Full of decor, fashion dogs And my favorite inspirational quotes Thank you And we personally have a very odd connection That we're going to get to in a second But please welcome to the Lady Gang Melissa F***ing Rivers

Thank you We are in shock right now First of all, don't be And if my being here is this big of a deal Like, wow The bar is loose It's a loo bar So this is a good get for us

I do think I may have been The best player ever on Family Feud 100% Are you just good at games? Or you just fasten your toes? Of all of it. And also, well, I also think we were the best because I literally, like, ripped into my cousin on TV. I think they made fun of that.

You were some good TV girl. Yeah. So my cousin was just, like, being just. And I love him with all my heart and soul. Like, we adore each other. And Al Roker was hosting, and he kept saying, well, Al, so that would be that. I'm like, I turned around, and I'm like, shut up. Answer the question.

I'm like, sorry. No, I'm moving the mic away because we've got Melissa Rivers here and she's going to tell us a story. I love it. So then. Nothing. And I was just like, he was making up like the stupidest answer. I'm like, either answer the question or move on.

Like I was so not in the game. I was so, I was so not in. Did you guys win? Yeah. Well, they won like, and then you played another family. It was like, it was like a never ending streak. Yeah. It was like.

What do you win when you win family? It was money for charity. Great. That's amazing. Yeah. It was really fun. It was a long time. It was a couple of years ago.

It was a long time ago. at least five years ago so well Al well Al I'm like shut up I think the answer for this one well Al and I remember one of the questions was what do you what's the first thing you do if you get pulled over and he was like deny what you were doing I'm like are you a moron I'm like call a lawyer that's what you do that wouldn't even be mine I've been like crying yeah okay put on lipstick put on lipstick gum and lipstick and push my titties out yeah exactly oh my god you guys i was so annoyed at him so i have so many questions but i think we should begin with our weird connection i would i don't even know if you know this okay no no you're fine

so first of all you were like a very good equestrian yes many many many eons well when i was a child i used to do acrobatics on the back of horses that was for fun wait that's called it was like six so it's like no but it's got a specific name yes which is i don't know because i wasn't that good i was like vaulting vaulting vaulting i was doing flag did you do all like no i'll show you like the dance on the horse no they do like poses yeah i used to do that too yeah flag yes vaulting anyway i would i was okay i the only time i was ever in that position was when i was falling off no that's the only time i was in flag position i'm flagging all the way i'm flowing flagging into lawn dart so one of the things you might not know about me yet although

when you talk to steve he'll tell you um we'll get to that we'll get into that in a second but is that i like have been trying to get famous for like my whole career like how long has your career been well like 10 years of like interviewing celebrities i basically want to be basically my mother went into labor on stage right so i've been basically trying to advance my career since then and you know you do have me beat but this is why i love this so for the first like five years six years i've been in hollywood i'd go to all the red carpets and like no one would know who i was you know and so if i didn't have my own sign like holding up my own sign like hi i'm kelty and i'm here that's genius i feel like i need to do that no no you don't because getty images has thought

that i am melissa rivers for like half of my career i am so lucky because you are so skinny and cute no like my body has morphed into middle-aged jews and there is nothing i've taken on the shape of like my ancestors it doesn't matter it doesn't matter what i'm doing so Brita keeps saying, just accept it. I'm like, I can't. You're like, no, that's never going to happen. I have spent my whole life fighting genetics and heritage, and I woke up one morning, and I'm shaped like a middle-aged Russian or German Jew.

I don't know why. I suddenly have arms that look like my grandmother's. I'm like, what the fuck is this shit? It's awful. And it's even just like one day. You wake up one day, and it's like, I'm working out, and I wake up in the morning, I'm like, how did I get cellulite overnight in a new spot? how can I have cellulite

suddenly on my calf oh my god because I'm I'm like genetics it's real I've lost I've lost the battle

see I always was really I was always really excited because I would I'd be excited if they thought

I was you no I was excited because I was like well A first I'll probably get press she's like

B B I was like wow they must think that I'm like really well dressed because you have

like amazing taste and you're always wearing Gucci and I was like wearing a forever 21 dress on the red carpet, and I was like, oh I Wish I wish that like you've got like perfect skin I mean we're best friends forever now eggs and skinny arms, and I'm now a middle-aged round you so By the way, I think I've actually even like gotten a bigger shoe size

I feel like my feet are now officially to read no we have our knees are starting to sag and it's weird The knees That's not the most bizarre No one told me to Botox this Okay my elbows too And now I've got this weird thing That I noticed the other day in the mirror When I bend my arm I have this weird little

Like this thing Okay well that's crazy It's called skin Melissa It's not skin that used to droop like that You want it tighter The thighs and the knees Like what the f*** is happening All I have left are my abs, and those are holding on by their fingernails.

Like, I was looking the other day, and I thought, well, if I have to go to an event, I'm like, crop top. Well, what part of my body can I still safely show? Honestly, just wear a sack and cut a hole in the middle. I'm like, what can I show? I'm like, well, I don't want to show my arms. I don't want to show my legs above the knee. My back is just, you know, now I have that weird, like, thing where when you turn, when you twist, and suddenly you catch it in the mirror.

You have like a thing here when you twist. Oh my God. I was just, this is so funny. I'm like, what's a burka? That's all I have left. With a peep show. Yeah, with a cutout. A cutout.

A burka with a cutout. Maybe you need to start something new with this trend. Maybe this is your new line. Maybe. Oh my God. I was just in Hawaii with my husband. I was like, take a picture of me like looking at the sunset. And then I saw my like view of myself from behind.

And I was like, what in the fuck did that happen? What's that about? I was like, that is not the body I thought of. Anyway. Okay. So I want to know a little bit about, oh, well, then the third thing we have in common is that your dear friend, an old producer, executive producer on Fashion Police, is working with us as an executive producer on the Lady Gang TV show.

Which is going to be on E. And as my mother used to say, never, I'm going to give you a piece of advice about E. And my mother used to say this all the time on the red carpet, which was, never forget, you can't spell cheap without an E. oh my god so no comment from us about that so just so you know it's a wonderful place to work they are creative they will support you but they ain't gonna pay you but like what network does because i worked for one that won't i shall not name because i want them to hire me again none of them do but they're so networks are just yeah what network do you make money off the money

go? I don't know. To the executives? Netflix, they're throwing money. It's like they've got a trough and a trowel and they're hurling money at people. However, they've not hurled any at me. But someone's like, they're basically giving everybody a show. I'm like, really?

But are they? Because we're here right now. We're still sitting here watching a Netflix show. Yeah, exactly. It's crazy. But E is a wonderful... By the way, E is... They truly are... if they believe in a show yeah they believe in you and that's a wonderful thing and they believe in steve and they do you want to call can you call any of your other famous friends and ask

them if they have anything yes you do i don't i have one famous friend who is your most famous friend jay moore okay i mean he's famous we'll take him call him right now just kidding but literally i can't think i don't have any other famous friends you have so many famous friends You also have a lot of famous acquaintances and just don't consider yourself. No one whose number I have in my phone. How about that? Do you just not care? No.

If I lost my phone, it wouldn't matter. No one's number would be in there. Angelina's number's not in there. But I've seen you out. Who do you snub at parties? I don't care who your friends are. No one. I run from people in fear.

I love you. Who are you afraid of? Everyone. Um, no, I'm actually not afraid of a lot of people, but I do have this horrible tendency to fangirl. But that's so lovely. That is cute. Who's your, who do you fangirl the most over?

Well, the most embarrassing one. Yes. I'm so excited. Was Peyton Manning. Oh. That's very random. Well, no, I'm a big football fan. Oh, okay.

And he is God. Yeah. He's still playing. And I don't care what you say. he's better than Tom Brady Peyton's the greatest I can go into

my whole litany of why and I met him and I went oh yeah you were there for that too I'm looking at Sabrina

I met him and basically all I could muster was I'm you when I play Madden amazing

riveting and it came out more like And then the next day, I got to meet him again, and I was trying to apologize for my stupidity, which still came out like, my son doesn't get to be you on that, and I get to be you on that, because he has to. You're on the right. I'm like, and it was Eric Dane, who I adored, I know for a hundred years, literally came

up and took me by the shoulders and turned to you and walked away, and went like, she's just a big fan and like walked me away god i taught eric dane how to use a mystic tanning bed i just want to say that at a girl he's really nice the nicest one of the nicest people i was like is he in love with me and everyone's like no he's just that nice everyone's like god damn it he's so nice he got to watch me not once but twice because we were at a big event it was actually the uh it was the indie 500 actually and he watched me literally like Embarrassed myself Many a time

And twice In a row And apparently I made an impression Because he remembered it When another mutual friend Brought it up Oh shit

Stoker But in a good way No it was But something like I tend to like Go He's probably He's like

Who's your biggest Celebrity fan And you're like He's probably like Melissa Rivers Doubt it But literally I'm like

I'm such a spaz Yeah We are too It's really endearing to people because you're just like – I love it. Yeah. Well, there's a lot of people I've known for a long time. And I think at one point you think of yourself as friends even though, like, I don't have their phone numbers.

Right. Like, I always joke, especially now because Haley Baldwin's in the news so much. My joke with Stephen Baldwin whenever I run into him, and I haven't run into him in, like, two years or three years, I always joke, it's like, we go back so far. I knew you when you were still fun. Like – That's great. Yeah. It's true.

And he laughs. Oh, my God. That's crazy. I found you and, you know, I knew you back then when we were still fun. And there's a lot of us that have had, that have long histories just by the mere fact of we've all been around forever. No, but here's the thing. And we have histories because of that.

Yeah. Because it was that whole sort of not early MTV, but that medium MTV kind of years. Yes. And so all the 90210 guys and all these guys and that guy, it was just kind of the scene. Yeah. Oh, and when I was like researching, you know, all your little bits about you during this and then I went to the photos, I was like, is that Melissa Rivers in a sequin miniskirt with like, do you remember in the, that, that era how you just had a panel and it was a

shirt and then it just tied like ties. Yeah. Oh honey. Oh, I had all, I wore all sorts of little. You were living. I wore a lot of leisure. Yeah. I wore a lot of very small skirts.

I wore a lot of stuff on the red carpet. And not a lot of stuff on the red carpet. But I didn't think of it as, I mean, it was also that time in your life. And there's a couple dresses I still have in our archives. There was a shirt I pulled out the other day. I'm like, it's like the size of a child's shirt. Did you just refer to your closets as archives? No, we have actual archives.

Oh my God, that would be amazing. Sorry, we actually have archives. But this is even crazier. Well, because my mother was such a huge fashionista. And there's so many, I hate to say important, but so many different pieces through the years that were either made for us or made for her, or I ended up being allowed to keep the only sample. Right.

And so we started keeping, because you don't keep everything. What does the archive look like? It looks like a closet, but it's got cedar paneling. Like how big? It depends. We took part of our, like, storage area that we used to call the dungeon and cedar paneled it. Wow, that's awesome. You know, and you put in shelves and you have to, like, fold, like, the beaded stuff a certain way so that it doesn't stretch.

But literally we were, because I moved houses, so we were cleaning everything out and trying to decide, like, what's worth keeping. And literally there was a shirt that was like this and had, like, three little straps across the back. And I swear to God, right now it would be like this on me. One boob. One boob cover. I'm like, when was I ever that small? I mean, it would look like a child size. That's amazing.

It's so nice when my stylist says to me, I remember when you were a zero. Yeah, exactly. Like, you're fired. Bye. Now we have to get a six and let it out. Oh, no. Actually, this leads me into my next question because I've watched the documentary and I've read the books. And I do know that your mom kept everything.

She was, like, crazy about that. And so, you know, what do you do with everything? Like, that's a lot of history. Like, can we open a museum? Like, what are we doing? Well, I've sold a lot. But, like, all the jokes and all the cards usually there are people referring to. We've digitized everything.

I still have the actual major card catalog. We have a lot of stuff just sort of preserved until I do know what I want to do with it. even though it's been four years now I like so okay so everybody wants the card catalog

everybody wants the physical card catalog every museum yeah and I keep thinking okay I'm ready to do this

and then do you remember the scene the last scene of the original Raiders of the Lost Ark yeah and it's a huge warehouse and the Ark is in

just like a crate and they slide it in the thing and it's that tracking shot all the way back yeah like I am so terrified that that's what's

going to become of the joke file and like I can't because to me it's such like a living it's like a it's like a a breathing

living thing and I also know how pissed my mom would be because there would be no view and it would just be that would be it she's like really

I worked my whole life to end up in an apartment with no view right like no no no you know and I'm I'm constantly looking up

and looking for lightning so wow wow this is incredible so we've little by little we did obviously

a major sale when we did the big Christy scene. I've donated a lot of her gowns to charities for auctions. You know, the LBGT community for different, you know, auction items or donations.

So, you know, little by little. Well, I was going to ask you because I know this is like a little bit... And by the way, a lot of it was crap. Was she a hoarder?

We like to call her a maximalist. Oh! I like that. Rich people hoarding. yeah wow maximalist that is awesome that's a good term we're like at that age where you know my friend just like lost one of her parents and it's like i just you know you just wonder like what to like how like any advice you can give to like us women in their 30s and 40s that are starting to have to do this kind of thing like it's like no one ever tells you what and going through everything

is just horrible. What I've told my friends is do a first pass. Yeah. Okay? And do not feel like you have to get rid of a certain amount of stuff.

Then wait like another month and do another pass. Yeah. And you just have to sort of take your time through it because, you know, the first week you're like, I can never let go of this pen.

And a month later you're like, why do I have this pen? Right. Totally. You know, and you kind of have to just sort of work your way through it.

But have you guys heard about this? It's called, I think it's in Sweden where every year older people go it's in Sweden it's got a specific name

yes it's called the death or it's like called Swedish cleaning it's got a very specific mom just did this with her mom

where you're supposed to go through all of your stuff like once a year or once every two years and start giving away all your things

while you're alive yep oh I guess it's called Swedish death cleaning? Yes. Death cleaning. Like you do it personally for yourself so then you're not leaving your children with a bunch of shit. Right.

And it's that you want them to enjoy whatever it is while you're alive or you want them to. And they say that it's supposed to be like, you know, help your kids or whoever when you're gone because you've already sort of dispersed of everything. Sorry. I didn't mean to get to a morbid place. I have some You know what Chivari chairs are Those gold chairs

Yeah My mom had how many 32 We had 32 Because she had huge parties In her apartment And eventually She just bought them

It was cheaper to buy them And just keep them So I'm getting rid of A bunch of Chivari chairs Great If anybody's interested If anyone needs Some gold chairs

For banquets Maybe Yeah I mean I went to rent them For my wedding You could have called me I would have given them

Damn it Damn it Damn it No I think there's Like a rental business there I think we might need Those in here I think we need him for our show

I might have to send you guys four chairs We'll take them gladly We got these at Walmart It's true, it's like my mom lived a life where she entertained so much At one point it's like, forget it I love that I say that to my dad though

I'm like, give me your money now so you can watch me enjoy it And what is his reaction? He's like, actually it's not a bad idea Because that way you'll stop asking me We didn't go casket shopping at the same time, dad oh my god so morbid oh my god you did that sabrina's dad made her go oh casket shopping how many years ago it was a few years ago and i went i was like let's go holy shit no thank you this is a whole other podcast sabrina it had to be like 10 years ago what did he choose

he was like he started picking out all this stuff this whole lunches we're gonna do this so we're gonna do that it's like no we're not you're gonna be dead and you won't even know oh my god open that door Kelty we'll get some air circulation on this happy conversation when we come back

unless it's going to fix your life oh my god that is okay this is ask the lady gang she's going to tell you we have our listeners writing questions and we give them pretty bad advice Oh, by the way, I am all about that.

Oh, can I plug my website? Yes. Well, we're going to, but yes, again. Maybe this is the best place to do it. Yeah, let's do it. What's your website? MelissaRivers.com. Yeah.

Creative. Okay, so I have a thing on my website. I'm just relaunching it. We're doing a soft launch. It's not quite ready, but hopefully in the next week or two, I'll post about it. But I have a thing on there called Dear Diary, which is all about, it has a warning on it that it's basically my inside voice is escaping love it and then i also have a ask mel yeah and i say i like giving advice but i cannot guarantee that it's good or helpful that's exactly how we

are okay good so i'm good this is a warm up crazy questions well hopefully you guys will send me questions i mean we have so many oh yeah and also while you're saying that i'm gonna say it again at the end but you have such a beautiful instagram i could when we ran out of time i couldn't even get to like like your decor and your fashion and like i just want to come over and eat tea on your comforter like drink tea but anyway you guys can follow melissa at melissa rivers official hey ladies ask the lady gang um our first question comes from little sandy which i love tabinsky she says hey ladies so did you get it little sandy yeah those are our rap names little sandy's my rap name because i love sandwiches anyway okay not the beach what

oh no little sandy short for sand literally sandwiches so embarrassing from greece i am from i'm greek there's no like sandy greece oh and danny i don't know how that has to be being greek also greece is my favorite movie so that is a really sad reference for me not to get i make lots of bizarre connections and you know what we're just gonna do a segment called help jack okay that's what we need today okay she says quite a few podcasts ago i remember becca saying that sometimes if you are suspicious enough you just have to grab your boyfriend's husband's phone and look through it okay recently i took that questionable advice and snooped through my boyfriend's instagram this led me to another question i need your help on how do i confirm

my boyfriend about the messages i found on his phone without letting him know i went through it i don't want him to think i'm crazy but i definitely want to bring it up okay i have some can i have some questions um okay number one why are you having to snoop on your boyfriend's instagram and you aren't just following and watching anyway that's just a basic but the dms she wants to look at who's messaging privately oh and then she found some shit well forget you know what you owe regardless if you do it deny oh but how does she bring it up without him knowing Yeah, but she went through. Well, you've got a lot of options there.

You've got hacks? Yeah. You could say, do you know so-and-so? I've done that one before. Like, hey, do you know, you know, Bippity Boppity Boot? Because I got the strangest text from her. Yeah. But what if it's like some random girl?

You're like, you know who I just started following and I think is so pretty? Like, Sammy Sandwich. Yeah, exactly. And you're like, and that's the girl. Yeah. The bikini model. He's been DMing low-key. Yeah, exactly.

But then what if it's like, no, I don't. Well, now you've been caught in a lie, and then you can accuse them of being lying, and it's lying, and as soon as you say you're a liar, and you can back it up, they're back on their heels and, like, in, you know, earthquake preparedness position. What I would do, I'm so malicious. I would take a screenshot of it, and then I would just text. Say, the girl sent it to you. Take a screenshot, send it to yourself, and then say that the girl was, like, I found out that you had a boyfriend. or a girlfriend. Yes.

Oh, that's good. That's good. Oh, yeah. That's a good one. That's your idea over there? Yeah, that's a good one. That's the most. That or take a screenshot

and just save it and hold it. Yeah. And let it fester. No, no, just hold it. Just hold it until it's the right moment to attack.

You'll know. And, like, I am so tempted to go through my boyfriend's texts and all that and I think to myself, what?

I haven't done it. although I haven't done it even though I do know his code and I keep making him he goes you know what my code is it's XYZD and I'm like it is?

I pretend that I never remember that you're cool girl that you're cool and then I totally know what it is but I've never actually done it because I don't you know I have enough anger and complaints that I don't need more

that's our new motto I have enough anger and complaints that I don't need more that's amazing Yeah, I don't need, you know, I can get angry and frustrated, like, just by him existing. Yeah. I'm also in this weird place in my life where I never thought I'd be, where it's like, I don't want to know. I don't want to know.

Don't ruin how good I'm feeling. Yeah. Ignorance is bliss. Ignorance. Yeah, exactly. Like, I just want to feel happy and not, like, I don't want to find out bad information. Right. If you snoop, you're going to find something.

And that's what she knew. She snooped and she found something. And how do you bring it up? Well, you take the screenshot. Send it to yourself. You start with, honey, I have something I need to talk about with you. And he goes, what? And you go, I'm pregnant.

And then he goes, what? And you go, ha ha, just kidding. I found this. That's what you do. You do like a made up bait and switch. A bait and switch. Well, that's like a river's bait and switch. I heard that there was like a thing with someone who said about coming out to their parents.

They went to their parents and said, I'm dying. And they were like hysterical and crying. And he goes, just kidding, I'm not dying Guess what, I'm gay That's amazing That's kind of what I do with you guys I go, I have the worst news I'm like, our person cancelled

And they're like, don't do that She's like, I cannot believe this happened It's the worst thing in the world And you also have to go from the basis That men are intrinsically stupid They are Or have enough anger and complaints I don't need more

It's iconic okay second question doesn't have a name she says at my job i have multiple bosses and like any human being i get along with some better than others one weekend i was out on the road and one of my bosses who i'm closer with than most sorry i keep talking so close i get so close that i'm closer with the most essentially said that i have no personality and he's never seen me happy as someone who never takes shit unless at work i and always speaks her mind i stood there silent and dumbfounded i didn't stand up for myself like i would have because as employees at this company we get evaluated every single project and i didn't want a bad review if i said

what i was really thinking which was fuck him how would you deal with the situation that is in the coming weeks i'm newish to the lady gang sort of blah blah anyways how you deal with somebody first of all is he right oh my god that's some truth you can't go to can you go to hr with that you have no personality and he's never seen me happy well here's the thing can you go to hr with that i don't probably yeah i mean you could go to hr for anything yeah is that like a harassment like it's like not really like that kind of asshole guy smile smile oh it's not so bad smile like yeah when people just unsolicited advice and you want to say really have you ever had cramps thank you let me put my hand in your uterus out of my vagina let me just take these

two paring knives and shove them into the middle of your back and then smile. Pretend there's two little hands holding on to your kidneys and think that they're your fallopian tubes and they're squeezing you.

Smile. It's true. Sorry I don't look so happy today. I don't like it when girls get shit for not being friendly and peppy. Not every girl is peppy. Some girls are taskmasters. Well, especially in a professional setting it's not your job to be like bubbly and happy unless you're in sales or something but also does this feel like a weird hit on like he's nagging her yeah it's almost

like you want to say like can you make me happy i mean i never know like no that's what i'm saying it's like you know show me your personality no yeah well she should maybe ask a friend that she works with and be like you can be honest with me in this room um i'm the meanest she's the mean one oh my god i think you're the nice one are you kidding me thank you so much oh my god that shows i mean i am an actress i'm acting that shows hold on next quote no because actually is the nice one i swear to god when you said well are you boring that's no that's something that becca always like anytime somebody's like and my friend says i'm like are you well that's like me it's like do they have a point yeah check look in see look inward but also like ask your

friend be like tell me the truth you won't hurt my feelings do you find that i'm unhappy to be around because sometimes people's energy if they're unhappy it is a little like well if it's like a soul it's like a sucking succubus energy then that's one thing you better be careful which of your friends that you ask because if you don't like the answer then you don't like don't ask the friend it's true who has the private plane well no exactly or the yacht oh my god we have so much fun in the hamptons what do you think of my personality like don't ask them no be like i love you and i don't care what you think of me let's go to the hamptons exactly maybe ask your yes man friend let's just be careful or a friend that's expendable no the friend at work your work

friend someone you don't like that you don't even see outside of work yeah so if it's like you wouldn't go to their birthday party no we won't we don't go to any birthday party no and if you were invited you'd be like yes we don't how do you feel about adult birthday parties thank you yeah come back anytime yeah no but i mean like i like when my friends and i like all go out for someone's birthday and we all go out to dinner or we all what about i'm not going to a roller skating party melissa don't even ask yeah it's just like or your birthday week first of all that's bullshit the birthday month no they month birthday week there are two types of women women who use the term birthday week and women who don't i don't have any women in my life who

use the term birthday week nor will i ever it is horrible yeah horrible by the way the first of all the only like when you're young okay right great right when you're in high school but even that's pressing it like yeah i never did you get like 16 maybe after your sweet 16 you just give it up 18 yeah 21 21 and then you're done don't bother me yeah 21 and then 40 40 sure you know But it's like, you know, just also don't invite me to a birthday dinner for your birthday and make me pay for you. That's to me always questionable, though, because like I have a birthday dinner coming up for one of my friends. And I know we are all going to pay for ourselves and include her like that to me. Did she plan it?

Yeah. No. Were you like, no, I think she's like calls you and she's like, I want to go out for my birthday on Saturday night. And she makes the reservation. She picks where you're going She better treat herself Right No

No no no no no This is like Oh it's her birthday Let's take her out Yeah It was your idea Then I think Yeah

In a close Knit group of friends That's okay too But it's like I've been invited To the most random Birthday dinner I don't even know you

And you end up paying Well I don't go If there's not good parking Well that That's kind of like My litmus test You guys are actually the same I'm sorry she didn't show

Her true colors But she's like Literally Becca's making notes She's like I don't go If there's not good parking Seriously, think about it. Is it worth the parking hassle?

No. That tells you right now where that friend ranks in your life. That's true. Wow. I Uber everywhere, and I still would be like, absolutely not for most people. Yeah. No, believe me, I don't like leaving my house particularly. Well, I wouldn't want to leave your house either.

Have you seen it on Instagram? Oh, my God. Now with Postmates, and they have liquor stores that now deliver Postmates. You get it. It's saucy. And frozen yogurt places. Yep. I'm going to be like those parents, the grandparents on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, where

like i'm just in bed for the rest of my life my boyfriend and i had a big fight he's like you're gonna end up alone and laying by because i like to like hole up in my bedroom like i'm in my bedroom i don't need to go sit in my family room like i'm happy in my bedroom he's like you're gonna end up an old lady laying in this bed by yourself and i was so good i hope so i looked time i go i can't wait bye bye oh my god okay last question uh she says my boyfriend of six years told me earlier this year that we were going to get engaged later this summer we've always been strong emotionally and mentally however within the last couple of months i realized that he doesn't appear to have any interest in me he does not seem to be attracted

to me physically he never calls me beautiful we stopped having sex we barely even make out instead of moving forward in this relationship with him saying he was going to propose i almost feel like we took 10 steps back because of his recent actions this is the worst what are your thoughts you already broke up yeah i mean it's over he's out it's over he's he's panicked yeah and can't commit this is not your man don't try to save it not your man not your man and the timing of life is very important it could be you don't want to have sex with your boyfriend i was just gonna say that we do talk a lot about that yeah but it should only be on your terms i'm the one who says no to you right if you're refusing me then there's something wrong yeah there's a problem

there's a problem like yeah so he shouldn't be the one no it should be i'm tired we we decide when sex is boring color of the pussy well also it's like seriously can you just get your arm off my hair oh my god off my hair how could you not figure that out by now you know you like really lose it like the romance is gone when you find that you can actually roll your eyes during sex oh my god yes roll your god damn or when you have the thoughts of like isn't he done yet oh my god can we be done like oh yeah i want to go and watch nap play go to sleep already I want to go watch my show

oh my god I have enough anger and complaints I don't need more god I love it wait I have a question before we sign off does anyone else have kids that's our next podcast baby gang we're going to make money off that

every day of my life I just think of morags dying you can hear them they're just popping they're just like bye they're like boop I could have been a baby, but I'm not. That's exactly what I hear. Well, no, because I have a teenager.

How old? You guys are going to die since they always think they confuse you with me. My son is 17. How's that? So awful. Is he having sex? No. He is a high school senior.

Well, don't say that on TV. Well, no, I mean, okay, not that I'm aware of. He's so cool, though. Not that I'm aware of. Yeah, he is. He's a senior? He's a senior. He probably definitely is.

Is he a punk? No, he's a sweetheart, but I still hate him because he's a teenager. Teenagers are just hate. Like, I always say about teenagers, they're really, like, a subhuman species. It's so true. It's like they're not, it's like they've regressed. It's like reverse Darwinism for a few years. Oh, my God.

It's bizarre. And if he's having sex, I don't know. If he is and he's listening, which if he's listening to Lady Gang, I'm a little bit concerned. We have lots of male listeners. No, we don't. I literally got an email from one today. Well, I said, you know. He said, I heard Kelty on Adam Carolla.

She seemed interesting, so I listened to Lady Gang. I learned a lot about women. Weird. I was like, you're going to ask me for a picture of my feet next. Yeah, but my son is hilarious, and we're very close. And he's still a teenager, and it's just like, it's a whole different, it's living with like, Do you remember the – has anyone ever watched the original Invasion of the Body Snatchers? No.

Okay. So the very original one, they do this thing where they – like when they see the one that's a real person, they make this horrible noise. And that's what I feel like I'm living with. Like it looks like my son. It's not him. But he's going to turn around and go – like I'm convinced that's what's happening in my life. Oh, my God. By the way, and I have a good one and an easy one.

So when you guys get to that point – It's still that bad. They just, but we were all that bad. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. 100%. We were all that bad. I'm still bad.

Bad. So, like, okay, just the last story. So, I went online, and I thought I was so cool, and I bought a belt from Off-White. Cute. It's, like, the cool brand, right? Yeah. So, I'm leaving a house, and he says to me, is that an Off-White belt? I said, yeah.

And he, like, rolls his eyes at me. I'm like, did I already miss, like, how could I miss the trend? And I just got this off Moda, a brandy, a brandy, which is, by the way, the best site ever, because, you know, you can use your Amazon password to check out. Yeah. You don't even think. No. That's scary.

That is terrifying. You can check out through Amazon. So you don't even have to take the credit card out. It's genius. It's a whole step gone. And I literally, he looks at me, he goes, I just got it. He's like, like, what is it? I mean, just, well, I'm like, what does that mean?

He goes, aren't you a little old for Off-White? ouch and i'm like uh no and he goes okay i admit it i just really want an off-white belt can i have your belt no you don't get to insult me and then take my belt exactly you don't sound all right you don't get to insult me and like when he lost my travel pillow he lost my favorite travel pillow anyway that was like a big argument travel pillow because I travel and it's like it's actually a travel blanket

oh it's an actual it's like a blanket I was thinking of a neck pillow no no it's a blanket and then I pictured you in economy wearing a neck pillow no

it's one of those like cashmere in an off-white belt it's like oh it's fancy and then you've got the blanket inside I spent all my money

on my belt you've got the blanket inside and then what I do is I use the blanket but then I take the gross airplane pillow and shove it in the cover so smart

so he was going on yeah he was going on a trip so I gave it to him and somehow he managed to lose of course And I got the, I brought it home Obviously you did not

Yes I did No you didn't What have we learned? Don't give him the belt Yeah, I'm not giving him the belt He does not get my off-white belt Because you know what? I still get to wear my off-white belt I am that cool still Well I'm happy to be your twin

In horse riding, executive producers And Getty Images We can't believe you came Thank you for spending an hour with us And everyone, please go follow melissariversofficial or head on over to the brand new site

melissarivers.com you can write her your questions you can read you can find out things you're gonna link to all the shopping we need to do

I'm always doing my picks I'm always putting a good article we love that I try all these products I only put the ones that I like boom

and on that note follow us at the Lady Gang and don't forget to follow our new e-television show handle Lady Gang TV or is it the Lady Gang TV Lady Gang TV

Lady Gang TV oh my god I'm so embarrassed. Okay, on that note, see you next Tuesday. Yay! Woo! Yay! Woo!

Join the Lady Gang every Tuesday at iTunes and at PodcastOne.com. That's PodcastONE.com. Thanks for listening.