LadyGang - Monica Padman

Episode Date: July 20, 2021

Actress and Co-Host of Armchair Expert with Dax Shepperd, Monica Padman, joins the podcast, making it the best day of Becca's life and proving that maybe you can meet your heroes! She’s giving the inside scoop on what it’s like hosting the biggest podcast in the world and interviewing mega stars like Prince Harry. Plus, as a lover of men crying, the ladies play a game, "Tears of Fears.” Check out our amazing sponsors!!! obé Fitness: Start your trial today at obefitness.com and use code LADYGANG to get one month free! Credit Karma: Go to creditkarma.com/winmoney to open your free account and start winning Instant Karma! Coors Light: Get Coors Light in the new look delivered straight to your door with Drizly or Instacart by going to coorslight.com/lady  Rothys: Through August 1st, 2021, you can get $20 off your first purchase of $100 or more at Rothys.com/ladygang  Starbucks: What gives you energy? Find your Starbucks Tripleshot Energy online or at your local store!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Enjoy the show. Well, what is this? Welcome to the Lady Gang. That's amazing. Say that again. The Lady Gang. Things are about to change around here. Each week, we catch up with Hollywood's hottest girl posse.

Kelty Knight. becca tobin and jack vanik hello hello hello welcome to the lady gang i am becca tobin here with jack vanik and kelty knight and today's the best day of my life oh my god can you feel can you feel a becca's happy today for once in my life i'm happy for once it took uh 35 years 35 years of lady gang we've had mild pleasure and today we have she's clapping she's happy she's joyous has nothing to do with us jack no it never does don't sure don't um okay so i i'm gonna start because it's time for you oh okay i just did it bitch that's why she hates us this is why i'm never happy i was like wait we need a transition it's like being in a scene

and someone's feeding me my lines and I'm like processing it. I'm doing, I'm giving you options. Okay. It's freaking time for good week. Yes, it is. Bad week. Oh no. Okay. Um, I'll start with my, well, obviously my good week is that Monica Padman is here and it's just like, I have listened to every episode of armchair expert and I tell her this when we interview her because i'm lame and i'm a super fan but um she didn't disappoint and this is obviously being recorded after the interview i was really nervous because you don't want to meet your heroes but yeah i did and it was and it went well that's probably the only time that meeting your heroes does go well yeah i'm like so happy for you no she's fucking rad like she just seems like somebody

you want to like sit around with and drink drinks and talk shit about people with but in like a productive way. You know what I'm saying? What more could you ask for? What more could you ask for? My bad week is that I started to wear, I obviously wear my aura ring at night to sleep, but during the day I've been also putting on my Apple watch just because I don't want to like have my phone on me at all times. And it's nice to know if it's like, cause I've been on vacation and I'm like, I don't want to have my phone, but I'll have my watch in case like these losers need knee. Um, so I have been wearing it and you know how on the Apple watch it like senses your heart rate and it'll prompt you to do the breathing exercise. So it'll pop up on your wrist down,

bitch. Yeah. It's like, Hey, want to take a minute to breathe? And it prompts you for inhales and exhales for 60 seconds. It's lovely. And it always does it at the right time. Cause it's sensing when it's high. Like if I'm like lifting heavy boxes or something, it thinks that I'm anxious. So it's like, let's breathe. And I'm like, no, I'm just lifting boxes. And sometimes I'm actually anxious. Well, I realized this has happened twice now when my Slack notification comes on. Oh my God. My watch tells me it's time to breathe. The first time I thought it was a fluke. And the second time when I open it up and it's like,

it's when there's like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, like so many messages and so many things. and i'm like and i literally my watch prompted me to breathe so i am not making it up i'm not being dramatic slack is not good for me anxiety i mean slack also like when i hear that ding i'm like ah me too it's like it's a necessary evil and also it's work it's not supposed to be like enjoyable oh my god come on in for your massage yeah like it's like it's hard shit yeah i think we do need to make like a collective uh agreement to not do the one word i know that's my everything goes in a paragraph because when i'm driving and i get 10 messages and i i know but that's a slack issue slack should ding you like only once every five minutes like it shouldn't ding you on every

ding ding i bet there's a setting for that alex is gonna figure it out yeah because every text gets a ding, then that is, it's very stressful for us all. I feel like it should text you to be like, Hey, shit's happening. Come check. And then like two minutes later, it's like, we're still talking. Come check. You know, that's a good idea. I also have friends who that's their style of texting. And I'm sometimes me and I'm annoying. Yeah. I don't think it's you. I am. It's okay. I know my, my issue though. But like when you're self-aware, I'm like, no, it's me. But when you're texting me, it's not like social texts, it's like work stuff. So you're kind of like following up something that you said, like, to me, that's not as annoying. The thing that

bugs me a lot is when my friends are just like, we're being like social and it's like, Hey, how are you? Did you go to the beach? How's your family? Like all in three different. And obviously these are lovely texts to be receiving from my friends. However, I'm like, could you just put it in one? Cause it's like a really overwhelming thing to have 85 dings on my phone. Yeah. consolidate people consolidate okay i'm gonna go my good week is there is a show coming out called boy island and i am so excited about it so it's from elon gale who was like the executive producer boyfriend my old boyfriend that i dated for like two weeks um and it uh he was the executive producer at the bachelor when the bachelor was like amazing and then when he left

it all went to shit so he was literally the reason that was like holding it together and making it like an amazing show so i'm so excited about this show i have no idea what it's about other than a bunch of boys on an island so it sounds like it's like right up my alley so can we can we invite him on the podcast yeah i think we should yeah we should when like the show actually airs because that would be yeah Nikki Glaser's the host oh yeah I was watching I'm sorry to tangent but I was on a plane and I watched the British Love Island and I don't know what the you like about that show everything I love everything about it I was sitting there being like I'm waiting to like understand and I absolutely cannot understand well it's a good thing to put on like mindlessly

while i'm doing other stuff or like while i'm just chilling out and like i need to stare off into the the abyss but like i but i love those shows i love any show that you put up like a bunch of single people in a villa i don't care what it is yeah i guess as long as there's a villa and a bikini involved jack's like oh she's in oh when the girls when the girls all walked out to like be introduced and they're in just a bikini and heels i was like well this is why jack loves this and not only heels wedges because british people love a wedge love a wedge i hate nothing more so i don't think it's british people i think it's women at summer yeah like i don't want to wear a full heel i want to wear a sandal but i still want to have a four inch heel they're like how

ridiculous vegas shoe because in vegas like every girl's at the pool with like a fonts shoe like everyone loves chris hates that shoe so much he's like don't ever wear that shoe so do i he cares he cares about nothing but he's like i hate that shoe i love when men have really very random it's like yes it's zach and the toe ring it is if we are anywhere he can spot a toe ring from a mile across a restaurant and be like we need to leave get out i still got my toe ring on it's going strong it's like three years strong now um okay so my bad week is so i was recently on a trip i did not poop on the trip so when i came home i took a laxative and you know two hours later it does its thing i'm like shitting my pants for like three hours and then that's

usually where it ends so almost 48 hours goes by and at 3 a.m last night it decides to reignite in my system and um i was shitting my pants for like two hours straight in the middle of the night which is why i am so puffy right now because i did not sleep and it was like it wasn't like a trickle down of it it was like it somehow is like 100 working again and now i'm scared that it's never gonna stop like and i don't i have a dentist appointment in an hour i'm like what if it starts happening at the dentist appointment jack has so many appointments i know i really do why do you i have not been to the dentist in like years well other than my getting to go you've just got your teeth pre-done you definitely have been to the dentist

no i mean like for cleaning oh no jack has like every day it's like a hair appointment uh botox or dentist or gynecologist a microblading or needling like it's you are booked yeah she's booked i'm busy honey i'm booked and busy you know what i'm getting ready for hot girl summer I know. I didn't do anything during COVID. I didn't have a single appointment. So I'm like, I really got to make up for lost time. And a dentist is important. Yeah. I chipped my tooth. Like I got to get in there. Okay. So I hope I don't poop my pants anyways. Um, all right. Bad week. Uh, so one of the redeeming factors about being married to Chris Knight and sending him off into the world is that clothes don't fit him. Okay. So I know no matter where he goes,

my six foot six little husband is going to be wearing an ill fitting outfit. And so yes, he's so hot. He's so tall. He's successful. He's dreamy. He's got the wedding ring on, which I know makes him sexier. And he's like in these meetings and he's like, so like, Ooh, I love him so much. But like his pants would always be like a little off fitting. So I knew he was like a little messy. And so like, I don't have to worry about all the girls hitting on him or him cheating on me or like marrying a singer. You know what I mean? Like I feel safe sending Chris Knight onto the world until now. Chris Knight is in New York this week. He's has big meetings. And before these meetings, he was like, you know what? It's time for me to like

redo my wardrobe. So he got with one of his clients stylists and went for like a whole man styling. He got this suit from the row, which is like crazy chic as fuck. Was it like 12 grand? i know no because he got this like styly discount so it's yes i know it's so the rose so fucking expensive but he hasn't bought like a suit in a long time so yes it was an investment i think i think it ended up being like about three grand which is insane but anyway chris knight doesn't like fit in class so like he we when he we got married he had to get a custom suit made which is also expensive anyway chris puts his suit on in the bathroom to show me and i was like oh I am your first wife there's another I cannot be sleeping at night knowing that you are walking

around New York City in this wide leg perfectly cut chic as wide leg perfect suit yeah like the Jonas Brothers Harry Styles like he is so hot oh see wow I need pictures of this because I love the idea of chris knight in a jonas style suit it is yeah i can't picture it oh my god i can't he probably looks like a modern day beetle he looks so hot they put him with like a van shoe and like a white striped t-shirt underneath and i was like i'm sorry by the way the pants don't have a belt they just have like the little loops that you tighten and i was like this is honestly i will pay out of my own money i'll stop paying my mortgage and we'll just get you more of these suits and you could only wear them in the house like it is a beautiful thing anyway i need this

stylist for zach he's very in a rut with his dressing yeah chris is like still he was like in college mode for a minute he's still been in college mode this whole time it's like you've been out of college for 20 years but live your life um okay my that was my good week right no that's my bad week no you're bad because he's off in new york being hot my good week i accidentally won my third Emmy. Wait, you actually got it? Yes. Like you received one? Well, not yet. It comes in the mail, but yes. So this year I've been working part-time at entertainment tonight, but the Emmys, so they called me and they're like, Hey, are you coming to the Emmy or no, the Emmy nominations are coming out today. Good luck. And I was like,

okay, well, I like don't really work there anymore, but okay. And they were like, no, no, you're on the list. And I was like, that's kind of weird, but thanks. Like, that's really nice. I guess I, my part-time work has been very important to you. Um, so then Emmy day comes and they're like, are you coming on the Emmy zoom? And I was like, wait, it's today. I was literally walking the dog and taking out the trash. Like I had no, like what a change. You know what I mean? I used to have a countdown calendar to Emmy day. Um, so they're like, are you coming on the zoom? Like, okay. So then we won. And then I was like, this is so confusing to me, but it's for the 2020 season, which I was full-time for like three quarters of, so please call me by my official

name three-time Emmy award-winning Kelty f***ing Knight. Oh my God. Accidental Emmy to just roll up the end of that era of my life. I mean, that's really the way to do it is like minimal effort and then maximum payout. So this is your new life now. None of these Emmys really I deserve, but I'm going for it and I'm owning it. So can't wait to have the triplet. I have so many Emmys now I was considering sending one to my parents. I'm literally like Meryl Streep. Who's like, everyone can have one of my Oscars in their home. Oh my God. Congratulations. Congrats. Okay. Monica. Could we be more hyped about Starbucks being a sponsor of the lady gang? I think not Starbucks triple shot energy. The extra strength coffee beverage in a can is our go-to over here

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it. Get your triple shot energy going from Starbucks. We love you. And so does caffeine. As you know, I was just in France looking fierce in a red Gucci and people were like, you don't have a SpongeBob square body. And I got to be honest with you. I knew I was going a month ago and I went so hard on my obey fitness classes. There was so many times I was like, I do not want to do this. I just want to lay on the couch and eat Klondike bars. But I went and I was like 28 minutes. You can do 28 minutes. They have sculpt power classes, Pilates, yoga, dance, cardio, bar meditation. I mean, I just lifted heavy weights and did Pilates every day. And I feel like I got in great summer shape. And here's the great thing. We have a whole month for you for

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Coors Brewing Company, Golden, Colorado. Hello, what are you waiting for? We're coming to Austin, November 6th, the Paramount Theater. Tickets are available at theladygang.com and I think there's like 20 left. So please come. And by the way, if you're a single girl in Austin

that doesn't have a friend to bring, we are having a ladies coming alone section where you can just meet new friends. So don't feel like a loser if you're coming alone. I go to alone to Matt Nathanson concerts all the time and it's the most fun. See you in Austin. head on over and get some tickets at the lady gang.com now back to the lady gang hey arm cherries

our guest today is one half of the second most popular podcast in the world next to lady gang just kidding the most popular podcast in the world armchair expert that we all love an actress producer who's taken a wild ride in hollywood a lover of men crying ben affleck wine getting the pqs please welcome to the lady gang monica padman yay hello what a great intro you're an icon at this point full of pqs you know you you rarely hear pqs in an intro you know can we start off by letting the ladies know that might not know what a pq is we just got to start it off yeah if you don't mind of course uh it's a pussy quiver and it's every girl knows it's something that happens with their body when the they see a cute boy or a cute girl or whatever

and um that's a pq so i would love to start this episode by letting becca just like set the stage for the iconic moment that we're having on lady gang today. I mean, we're close to 500 episodes at this point. Um, you know, we've been at it for a long time and Becca in a, as a general sense is not excited about anything we've had, you know, she doesn't get that excited about any guests we have except Monica Padman. Oh my God. The press. I also can totally relate because we, that's what happens on armchair too like we have crazy people on just like the most insane guests and and and i'm always kind of like i should be more excited about this this this should feel different and then and it's always like someone who i just had a personal

not relationship with but like a personal uh affinity for that i'm always like the most excited for it. It doesn't really make maybe global sense, but I get it. I get it. You get kind of desensitized for sure. Well, I have listened to, I think every episode of armchair expert and, um, the race to two 70 shattered glass and, uh, Monica and Jess love boys. Can't wait for season two. I have consumed so much Monica Padman and I feel like, well, I'm also from Atlanta. I also did cheerleading. Wow. Kindred spirits. Kindred spirits. And so I don't know what it is, but I just freaked out when we booked you because it's the only thing I talked to anybody about is, is armchair expert. And it's really annoying for people. I'm so sorry.

the obsession. Wow. I'm really flattered. Thank you for saying that. So tell us the story of how you became the co-host. So the, the kind of, um, beginning, yes. So Dax had been on a couple long form podcasts like Mark Marin and off camera that show. And, um, he loved it. Like he loved talk go figure he loved talking for a long time um and and because you know normally he's doing like talk shows and they're like these five minute sound bites and you don't really get to go deep exactly and so he loved those so much and was like huh like I think that might be something I like to do um and I was just kind of like around the kitchen table when that conversation happened and I was like I can probably try to figure out how to do that um and so then I like

you know met with some people who I knew at podcasts and that's kind of how it happened as far as me like producing and then he said I think you should be on it as like you know an opposing voice which is just our dynamic in general so like he was just kind of like I think you should be on it to lend your voice when you feel it's needed and then he came up with the fact check that was all him um yeah so it kind of was like this weird organic we didn't know what we were doing at all so it was it was kind of just like yeah maybe you should be on it and how about this and you know we were just kind of flailing and playing that's the best way though that's literally what we did with lady gang too it was just like you're just like hmm i don't know

are people gonna like this and then you're like nobody yeah nobody knows what they're doing in the beginning they're just like okay i guess we're gonna wing it and like hopefully something sticks and obviously it's exactly yeah i feel like you have such a great healthy relationship with celebrity because you happen to stumble upon like the two decent humans in hollywood and so every will come on the podcast i'm just like thank god monica had this experience with celebrities because i don't think you could be as gracious as you are in those interviews and as patient as you are if you'd seen the dark side like kelty who's worked on entertainment yeah i've seen i've seen the dick side of every person that's been nice to you on armchair expert yeah you know yeah and my

husband my husband is uh manages Robin Thicke and you guys had him on the show which was freaking the best interview he's ever done and I was like I'm so glad honestly I think there's there's something special about the two of you and I think maybe because Dak's been through the tabloid fame he understands but it's like I've known Robin now for 20 years and I've always been like god I wish the world knew him like the way we know him because he's actually kind of like a schmo and like really a lovely guy and that was the only interview that I've ever heard of him where he what didn't put on like his like hey like robin face you know um and you guys have like a you have a really special knack because like i pressed harry was the same way like i was like oh you're

you're normal okay there's definitely a comfortability that i think people have when they talk to us and i do think that has to do with dax leading with so much vulnerability like he because he starts everything like that it's kind of it would feel very odd for the other person to not I mean and it's happened but but I think that's sort of part of why we get those types of sides of people which is so amazing and I loved Robin I was like same thing like going in I was like oh boy what what's this gonna be like you know I didn't know I I only see right a version that of him and um and then I was like this person's a sweetheart like he's so lovely and those are the best interviews for us where we you know end and after we're like god everyone's

just ultimately like struggling in a person and kind like everyone has a part of them that's kind also but what like you're saying everyone also has a has hard dark side dark sides exactly and that includes the nice people that includes the decent people you know I know Kristen and Dax so intimately I mean basically live with them you know and I don't but I did for a second and and and I and I've seen their dark sides they're not perfect I'm not perfect nobody is you know And I think we have to be, we're so, like, quick to judge celebrity based on, like, the headline or the bad moment instead of, like, the steps. I mean, that was kind of the point of doing this, I guess. Do you fight with Dax?

Like, do you butt heads after the shows and are like, oh, Dax, get it together? Oh, not after the shows, but we butt heads often. all the time. I mean, that's like built into our relationship, but not show like at, like I'm talking in the business of it, like putting together the show, like produce, put your producer hat on. Like, is it hard to be like, okay, I understand your deck shepherd, but this was shitty or like, this was not great. Oh yes. Yes. I mean, we have all kinds of business discussions that sometimes aren't, you know, super smiley, but I, but I, and I, and maybe this is just my own weird, I don't know why I have this, but I never, never have like, I know you're

Dax Shepard, but because of our relationship, like I'm, there's none of that. Like we are equal in this business partnership and personal relationship. And like, you don't get to do that or or you know I have no problem no problem saying that or feeling like I gotta walk on eggshells or anything like that like that's just not our dynamic and I and I feel the same with Kristen too I don't know why I have that I don't think I think most people do have that um that sort of feeling of like well I know you you have you're this but but like I just i don't have it that's why your relationship's probably so good with them because at the end of the day they're just people yeah they are they're people they're my best friends like that's

the that's how i qualify them i love that you have a new podcast shattered glass with uh and where did the idea come from and we're excited about this shattered glass it premiered last week last wednesday and this wednesday will be the second episode it um it started because during the election, I was so like, I was so amazed by Stacey Abrams. I was like kind of infatuated by her and I was like, what is that? Like, I need to know more. I need to know her story and the fact that she was just like breaking down all these walls. And I was just, and she, and she made an insane impact on the, the result of that election. And I was like, this woman is amazing so I really wanted to interview her for armchair but then I thought like huh

I wonder if there's a world in which we just do this with a lot of women who have you know put cracks in the glass ceiling and revolutionize the way we think about this thing or even just like in small ways made the you know conscious they changed the consciousness so I was like oh that would be really fun and of course I was like well I should do it with Kristen that would be really fun and so that's kind of how it started I think I was literally on a run when I was like this would be fun and like on my walking lap I just texted her like do you want to do a podcast together with us with women and she was like yeah it's like okay done yeah done it's been so fun I listened to Gloria Steinem this morning and it's really really really really good and it's

nice because it's like showing a different side of you I feel like because when you're with different people in your life you kind of take on different um dynamics yes um so it's really fun to see that side of you, even though I love hearing you, um, tell Dax, what's up all the time. You're like the voice of the generation of millennial women. Um, but I wanted to ask you about Monica and Jess love boys. So you did for people who don't know season one was, uh, Monica and her gay, gay friend, Jess, who is, um, male and they both are single kind of perpetually single people. They brought on experts to sort through their bullshit. Jess is somebody who likes to hook up and not have relationships. Monica has not been so... I don't know if

promiscuous is the right word. Just don't date. You don't date. It was really amazing. You guys were so vulnerable and you opened up so much. It was pretty groundbreaking, the things that you guys were admitting to. And I think it was, it was awesome. And at the end, you guys had like all of these challenges where you had to go on dates and you had to one night, like wear really, really like sexy clothing and take yourself out to a bar. If you guys have not listened to this, you must go back and listen to this because they're about to do season two. And this is before they started, they took submissions from the public for people who wanted to date them. and it's kind of like bachelor style in the past so do you have you recorded that yet is my first

question no we're still in application phase it's still up so people can still apply we're probably going to close that pretty soon yeah but yeah have you looked at the applications like have you sifted through there anyone interesting i haven't because i'm terrified so i haven't even looked like i don't want to know how many there are i don't want to know anything oh my god until i get to like you know after a massage or something when i'm feeling very zen can i jump in and just ask what the sexy outfit was because i was just at a weekend pool party with i was the oldest one there and i am shocked and confused by the sexual outfits that people are wearing with a sneaker you're not even wearing a heel to elongate the leg oh wow well i that date was a little or that

challenge was got a little wonky so I was supposed to go on a date and wear something body cons well I'll use the word that was used slutty which I hate I hate that word and I you know that episode in particular um was with the millionaire matchmaker and in particular is like uh whoa there's a lot that goes on polarizing episode yes yes yes I would say so yeah but my challenge was to uh yeah wear some something sexy but I kept saying I was like I do wear sexy stuff just because it's not like so revealing but she was not buying that so um I wore a like I think it's an ALC top it's black it has like kind of it's sleeveless it's very tight and it's cropped um but it's also like classy you know I was like I'm not like I'm not gonna do that

that's not me but yeah it was it was tight it was cropped um and I wore kind of black like um like kind of swishy pants with no swishy pant does not I like a swishy pant no I like a swishy pant i'm into this outfit with a crop top you can wear one thing and then one loose swishy thing combo that's what's hot yeah i wore um i wore heels i did wear heels and um that was the outfit oh but like so i was supposed to go on a date and wear this and then in between we recorded that episode i went to uh vienna with kristen and some girlfriends we went to new york and then i had this big medical thing. I had a seizure. We didn't know what it was. I was like taking all this medication when I got back. So everything got like really out of whack very quickly. And we had to

record the next episode. And I was like, I can't go on a date right now. Like, I don't know what's going on. I can't like, I can't drink, you know, all this stuff. So I just wore the outfit and went to a bar by myself and just like, was like prancing around the bar by myself, which was horrible. i hated it i hated it i hated it it was probably worse than going on a date it's worse yeah and you and you couldn't drink right so i'm just like sitting there with like a water just solo in a swishy pant not okay exactly exactly not okay do you think you can find love on this one god i mean i'm trying to not put like big expectations on it and i know that's also part of my own defense mechanism like if I were if I were in it if I had learned anything I probably

would be like yes like super excited yeah I have moments of that of like thinking like wow like what what if like what if there's a person who comes on who's awesome and we connect but right now I'm just like I'm thinking of it in such a work head space like oh this is something I have to plan and do and um but once we get in there i mean it's gonna be um it we're so scared like every time jess and i let us let ourselves like really talk about it and really think about what it's gonna be we're like oh god like why what did we do what are we doing but it'll be fun we both love the bachelor so much same oh it's the best i haven't we haven't launched this season yet cause we've all been so busy. So we're going to do like a binge night soon. It's great. You'll

love it. Is it? I love her. She's I'm obsessed with her. She's like an emo kid. And like, she actually like validates all the men. She's a great bachelorette. Great bachelorette. I have the question regarding singleness and being a woman in her thirties. There was an episode of armchair expert recently. Maybe it was Chris, Chris Bosch's episode, by the way, i love him and i now live in austin and i just want to find him oh my god you'll find him i'm fully obsessed he can't be hard to miss yeah um but you guys were talking maybe it was in the fact check where you you and dax have had this conversation a lot about how you don't have children yet and you feel like um first of all your life if if you're talking about whose life

you're going to save in some sort of like they do a lot of hypothetical uh right i love and and dax will be like i'm saving the people with children first because they have children and you know it's like so you're like i feel like my life is less valuable and this whole thing and it's an interesting and and actually as silly as it sounds it's a really interesting point of view as a single woman with no children but i also really loved the point where you pointed out when people go on trips when adults go on trips together and they assign bedrooms yes the person who's single always gets the shittier bedroom always or the couch like it's last on the list right yeah and i think the bunk beds and it's a really important thing for all these people out

there we're going on all of our summer trips so when you're assigning rooms don't check your single friends just because they don't have an annoying significant other with them so the thing is that's tricky is i i get that so much of this is quote logistical right it's like well yeah you're going to save the person with kids because logistically they have people who physically rely on them. That's all true. And logistically, when you're on vacation and you're assigning bedrooms, you're going to give the couple who sleeps in a big bed together a bigger bed. It's like, you know, all of this makes sense. But then emotionally, it doesn't like emotionally, it doesn't feel good to the person who is like, oh, I guess, yeah, I'll die.

like, you know, I mean, well, I'm also like, what about my tomato plants? Do we not care about the tomato plants? My succulents that are on a deep hydration schedule every Saturday? Like go yourself. What about the plants? Yeah. Plants need people too. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. It's, it's, it's a trick, you know, it does. It always starts silly. Cause that's how that conversation first started. It was like after this white elephant party and our really, really, really provocative friend eric uh was with us and and someone i had a ouija board i got a ouija board in the white elephant and then it got stolen from me and whatever and eric is believes in spirits and you know all this stuff and he he was like oh my god i'm so glad you someone took the ouija

board from you and i was like he's like you don't want that like that's bad spirits and then he was like who got it and I was like oh these people and then he was like they don't have kids right and I was like oh my god what like they're not they're not like less it's not better for them that there are spirits in their house or like worse but I just like was like so spinning out about that but it was a joke and we were all laughing but then it turns very quickly into like a real conversation about worth and that gets then that and it's like it's so societal this this pressure on women to have a relationship and then have kids and and I I buck up against that anyway and then when you see like the little seeds of it around it just like it drives me

nuts and also because I've had the thought like I've really had to sit down and think do I want kids do I want a relationship right now or do I feel like that like brings me up a level societally and that's not something I should be thinking about when I'm thinking about what I want. Right. So it's all just, it gets complicated. No, it's a really interesting conversation. And we had this happen to us. Actually, we had a show on E and there's two things I want to say. Number one is that, sorry, to go back to, we're writing our second book right now called Lady Secrets, and we're also taking submissions. And I just want to shout out, not like giving away anything, the amount of submissions, Monica, that we have gotten

that are just people regretting having children is crazy. And it's a totally anonymous platform. So this is a place where you can just write in and say the thing that you can't tell anyone. And like, I would say that so far, 30% of this, like the book is just going to be the same story over and over again, because so far I would say 30% of the secrets are women or people, I guess. We don't know if they're women or men saying like, I regret having these children. I regret having children with this person. I regret being a parent. I wonder what my life would be like if I hadn't done this. I don't like my kids. Like it's crazy. And then I was going to say, when we had our e-show, um, when we were being canceled, we were like asking for feedback and focus groups,

you know, I'm always trying to learn. I'm like, okay, well you're canceling us, but like, what can I change? What can I change about myself from top to bottom to make you like me next time? um and and they were like well we're just looking at these women like these 30 year old women and like where are their children that's what the focus groups were saying we weren't relatable because we didn't have kids yeah and literally like through the the filming of over the year there was like miscarriages and pregnancies and like all this different thing like we weren't outwardly talking about but the feedback from the network and from the focus groups was like where are their children? It's so, it's so annoying. And, and Mother's Day became this

whole thing this year as well, because we've been in this pod for, you know, a year and a half. And, and the, I mean, we are so tight knit and it's, it's family. It's like a bunch of families and me and um a couple of our other friends and and we've been spending essentially every day together for a year and a half and um and on mother's day you know again understandably logistically all of this makes total sense the dads plan something for the moms and one of and the there's me and then another girl who doesn't have kids but she was out of town so it's just me not there and I was like sitting at home that day like while they're all hanging out like this sucks so much and and partially when I really like dug down I was like

because I don't not want to be there like it's not it there's I wish I was in that club some days a lot of days you know and and it feels like this closed door but like it and it's just like oh but you know and then you do and they do moms run the world they're insane it's crazy I get you know a front row seat to it I can see like they need to be pampered they need to be appreciated but I'm also like but they're also lucky they're also lucky that they they're in that position and and it just it just brought up so many feelings like oh my god I'm on the outside i don't like it it's not a choice right all of this becomes not really a choice i don't know it just it just got buried i think that's so valid i'm actually dealing with something kind

of similar in my new neighborhood i moved to austin with with three other couples like our pod basically was like peace out la we're going to austin whoa so we committed and we're in and um, they all have children and my husband and I do not have children yet. And we've been kind of trying for a million years, it feels like. So we move into this neighborhood and it's a lot of young families and it's a lot of women with children. And my two other girlfriends are just meeting people like left and right through their kids. And they're having brunches and they're having lunches and play dates. And I had a moment where I was like, I'm not meeting anyone new because I'm at that weird age where it's hard to meet other women your age unless you have these

kids like meeting at the playground or at school and I a thousand percent kind of had a moment when they were all grabbing lunch with other moms that like it wasn't until like the final hour where one of them was like oh do you want to come and I was like no it's fine it's totally fine I'd just be I would just be weird I'd be that weird lady with no kids it's fine you'd be like the nose sucker thing that you pull the boogie out with yeah yeah yeah no I had that feeling it's like it just you know it's not easy to be our age and not have that thing as part of our identity yeah I agree oh that's such a bummer I mean I also I mean I've kind of just got to the point where I'm just really honest about it like I'm just like I don't like being left out so

invite me you might as well just invite and again not for mother but it just in general that is something you know for some old trauma I'm sure that has caused me to like be very very very sensitive to that yeah so uh you know I've just and and again and people can do whatever they want they can have small it's not like you have to invite everyone to everything all the time I'm not saying that but I've also made my uh quote needs kind of clear like I I'm bothered by this in this scenario so um it's also okay to say that and you can even say like I know and maybe it'll be weird if I'm there I don't know but I I I feel like I'd rather be there and try it out than not and be included and I think maybe just saying it sometimes everyone's just in their own bubble you

know no one's like really thinking about everyone else everyone else we only think about ourselves well maybe your trauma stems from some of my trauma with being left out and I have a I have a theory and you probably are have an even better perspective on this being a non-white girl in Atlanta or the suburbs of Atlanta I think that teenage girls in Atlanta are some of the worst breed like the meanest the stories i have about how mean like 13 year old girls were to me rival anybody else's and i'm like that's just 13 year old girls how to be more awful in like marietta georgia oh my god that's so funny i mean perhaps i don't know because i haven't been i haven't you know we haven't been in all the cities but i also just to be there i have

incredible girlfriends from home who are still still like we know we're on a group chat and we're we see each other we try to see each other once a year at least and we're very close still and I've been insanely lucky to have that so I don't think it comes from them so much as it comes from me feeling very other and trying very, very, very hard to assimilate and being left out was just like validation that I wasn't doing a good job of assimilating or that I was weird and I, and they didn't want me there. And, you know, all of those things I think are just like so embedded, even though I obviously don't feel that way anymore.

It just, it just comes up. would you be willing to tell the story however long you want to make it but about the boy who liked you in oh Dairy Queen yeah sure okay um yeah so I was we were in sixth grade and uh it was me and my best friend she had a little boyfriend and his best friend um was so cute I liked him so much and and he liked me and the four of us like hung out you know all summer and whatever and we were at the pool one day and my best friend went up to him and said hey why don't you ask Monica to be your girlfriend and he said I can't because her parents work at Dairy Queen and okay and again no one understands you understood it probably immediately

being from Atlanta but like in the Dairy Queens there are often franchised by Indian families my parents do not work at Dairy Queen and I don't think he was really saying they work at Dairy Queen because also if they worked at Dairy Queen you'd be like yep yeah then we get free blizzards but you know he was just saying like oh I can't because she's Indian and it was kind of the first time I mean I again I think I've been battling this feeling of otherness for a while but but it was the first time that I was like oh my god this is a big problem like this is gonna get in the way for the rest of my life like no one's gonna how no one can like me like it not like no one will no one can like me because it was like presented like that like I want to but I can't

because of this and so it's become I mean it's so silly to say like that like affected the trajectory of my entire life at all I don't think it's silly at all I think that is like makes perfect sense yeah it's been it it definitely did and then of course you know then I get in my own way and then I have like I pick all these people that I can't have you know It's become this whole spiral that we address a lot on Monica and Jess season one, but we get so deep when you said that, like we get really vulnerable. We so do. And that wasn't the plan.

It was like going to be a fun show or we go on dates. And then it just got so deep, so quick. That's dating in your thirties though. Yeah. It's so fun to ground at 22, but when you're like tick, tick, tock, tock, ovaries drying up like yeah and like I think when you're older you start realizing that relationships are only going to be as good as as your work on yourself like if you're not doing that the relationship is not going to be anything you know you have to work on yourself first I

think. And I think you only really get that the older you are. I love that. Well, listen, we're going to take a break. When we come back, we're going to play a game called Tears of Fears, AKA acceptable things for men to cry about in honor of Monica being here today. Over here at the Lady Gang, we like being smart with our money and Credit Karma is one of our sponsors and they are helping us get rewarded for being smart with our money. Credit Karma has always been there to help you make better financial decisions. And now they want to help you even more. With a Credit Karma money spend account, you can be rewarded for good money habits. So Credit Karma money is brand new checking account where you can win cash reimbursements for

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today and pick up your man some rothys too you're listening to the lady gang all right so we're back monica's here um we have put together a list of many uh scenarios in which men have cried in front of us and we would love to get everyone the whole group's intake on acceptable things for men to cry about why or why not are you back story here is that monica has a thing for men who cry yes um but not always it's not a blanket crying it has to be specific things or reasons that they are crying and i so yeah this is why oh this is a great game okay okay so first of all we're gonna starts super simple crying after sex that's simple whoa it's really the most complex thing ever because because they're i need more details i think but maybe just no details just you have

sex with a guy no you finish you don't know him well so you don't know what the backstory of the trauma could be and then he just cries he cries oh my god um like of course my narcissistic self goes to like it was such a beautiful union that's what that's honestly i was like i mean i guess my tits were so great that he just had to cry it's probably not why he's crying i'm gonna i'm gonna say yes yes it's acceptable all right okay because yeah yeah yeah go well tell me tell us why yeah I guess because I think I would feel like privileged or something that they would feel comfortable crying in front of me in that moment because men do not feel that I mean that is not something I would say most men feel comfortable doing so I think I would feel like oh something

major is happening and then I guess I'm like in a privileged position here yeah definitely it's fine with me okay the more I think about it you do love exclusivity I do I do see see um crying on your wedding day yes I was so mad when Chris Knight my husband did not cry he didn't yeah no i was like becca cried like a pussy coming down the whole aisle she's coming down the stairs our tough nut like tough love girl was just like a weepy willow and my husband i was so beautiful and i was like why are you not crying don't you look so gorgeous don't you love me um that's hilarious he probably was just overwhelmed the weddings are scary there's so many people there's so many things like he doesn't like being in front of people yeah i probably felt so

uncomfortable he's like his uncomfortability was like overriding his emotions his love of me um okay crying you're you're sitting on the couch you're just flipping through you don't know what you're doing on a friday night you end up on a lifetime movie you're like this kind of is interesting you finish it out he cries yeah it's fine with me i have a feeling i'm gonna say yes to every single one of these if you said yes to the after sex one i think that everything else is the bar let's try this let's try this the drunk in love cry you're out in new york city you've gone out you're walking home through the streets he's so in love with no but monica you don't understand like i love you so much yeah my person nope that's a that's a no i'll give you a no on

that i don't great because that's also not even real yeah that's why the sex thing like the sex thing feels so real that that has to be acceptable but if they're drunk and like it's like uh you're just that's not real so no okay um he's having a hard day and he's being so quiet and you're like what's up and he says my grandma died and has a little cry oh my god I'm sorry I was just thinking of all scenarios I probably would also be like I'd be so like you know sympathetic and and then I'd be like why didn't you text me earlier like why didn't why'd you wait till now and why'd I have to ask you know yeah that would probably get into a fight but the crying is fine what about if it was where I thought this question was going is he was very quiet and then he had a long day at

work and then he's crying because of work like he got so stressed out at work yeah that's also okay with me okay I love a good I like I love a good executive hustle cry you know just like so overwhelming um okay you're watching the end of titanic and like i'll never let go i'll never let go and then he has like a cry but i just want to caveat here i want to caveat this is not 1995 we've seen titanic many times we know how it ends it still is good every time you watch it though this is a tricky one and i don't know this person that well no this screams instability i think i cry at the end of titanic still i mean exactly exactly point taken it depends on where i am on my cycle yeah i i would i would probably raise a

little bit of a red flag but i would allow like i'd go on another date but i wouldn't note that is like noted okay okay we're just two more two more big moments um he's reading a book in bed at night and you just hear a sniffle sniffle and this is a loud this is a loud yeah i what a man that reads yes it's so sexy what about and that they're so involved they're like i loved shantaram what about he cries when his sports team loses oh my god oh that's a great one no yeah absolute biggest red flag that's a no for me and that's really funny because growing up in georgia obviously going to uga i mean i i have so many guy friends who would like that it means so

so much to them and why i exactly there's a thing about it to me i'm like oh my god that's unhealthy like that that's not your connection it feels like you're replacing something else there and it starts to get unhealthy so no no and then the worst part is like what if you're dating this guy the football team loses he has a big cry and then you walk down the aisle and he doesn't cry what the dude yeah you're right that is a good point be careful with those tears you know actually i'm really i'm really glad you brought this up monica because i know you have to go but we um i have one last question that i just want to ask you like personally out of you know my love of the royals is that you know this unhealthy thing

like so i always like to say like i went to the royal wedding which i didn't i went as a journalist and was like standing outside. And like, I was in Windsor the day of the wedding and I stood on the street for nine hours and we overnighted, like we had PAs overnight our spot so that like, and then I would like tag out. And then I stood there for seven hours and waited just for like the one shot of the carriage to drive by. And I was like, from the royal wedding, I'm Kelty Knight. Like that was it. And then it was gone. Like that was my royal wedding experience. But anyway, oh my god but when they got married they like rang the fucking bells to like let everyone know they got married i couldn't see anything we didn't have the live stream i didn't even see the dress

yet and i just was bawling hysterically like i cared so much because i care about prince harry so much um and he never does an interview and you got to sit with him for like an hour and a half and i can tell that you guys cut stuff out and there was even more to it like you can kind of tell um what are your thoughts on are we happy for him do you think he's happy do you think he's okay I love him way more now than even I did before he sat down on the couch he was so cool and sweet and engaging and um I mean not to make this sound so selfish it is selfish but I also like when people are engaging with me, I, or I, you know, I feel differently about them than when people come in and sit there and they are ignoring me and only talking to Dax, which I get. I mean, that's

that he's interviewing them, but I, but I'm sitting right next to him. And so when people are like actively like, oh, and there's another person here. Oh, wow. I, I appreciate that. And he was so like asking me things and looking at me and directing things to me. And I was like, oh my this person is is lovely and um I do think he's happy I really do I do think he's happy I um I think he's I hope proud of his decisions that were incredibly hard to make I mean do you guys watch the crown yes the fact that he left that it sounds crazy to people who don't know the backstory of like you know the English royalty but it is it is a cage and it is like Stockholm syndrome like they're all no one knows that they're in this cage and they're being told

that they're you know insanely privileged and they like technically are but they're not because are deprived of so much and like it to to be able to zoom out is is asking a lot of a person and he did that and I just think it's amazing yeah and to your point about cutting things out which I I was very shocked by this because I had so many conversations with um their like I guess she like kind of runs their production company now she's awesome uh before obviously leading up like we had a lot of conversation and stuff and she was in the room and she was gonna you know tell us what to cut out and very very little like wow less less than many other interviews we have so I was really glad about that it's just I mean it was so good

and it's interesting he's probably more he's he's probably so ready to speak you know that like there probably was less to cut out than like a hollywood celebrity who's like on that yes like the publicist is like cut cut cut cut cut cut cut exactly and they're worried about getting canceled and stuff so everyone's just like so afraid yeah well thank you for sharing that my heart feels so happy becca and jack thank you for sitting through five minutes of royal talk they are not into it um monica you can follow monica if you're not following her already which you're basically all following her ml padman uh on instagram and listen to armchair expert wherever you get your podcasts you can listen to shattered glass with monica and kristin

um which is out now and then all the other shows we'll link all of the shows i don't even how you had time for us um but congratulations you're really changing the game and um i know becca wants to personally thank you for coming on becca thank you so much the first time you were supposed to come see us and you canceled i spiraled oh no i'm so sorry i legitimately was like i bet you she went on my instagram and she hated my vibe and she was like this girl took it as a personal a personal thing i posted today do you think it's something so i had to take her off the ledge no yeah so sorry i mean look this is why you gotta listen to shattered glass we're not doing that we're not doing that to each other girls are not doing that we're

going to support each other. And I, I was just so busy. I'm so sorry. No need to apologize. That's emotional. I'm not going to lie. I was like, Becca, it's fine. She's busy. She's nine shows. Like it's fine. And she was like, I don't know. She probably hates us. She probably looked at us and she was like these idiots. And I was like, well, no people that's exactly what she thought, but she still said, yes, not at all. I was so, I guess I'm so flattered. Anytime anyone wants me to do anything like it feels so good and and and you guys are awesome like why why would i ever yeah no no but i get it i get in my head too i do the same thing even with even with this i was like canceling and i was like they're probably just doing this anyway because the agents and so

like like i don't know if they're gonna even ask me to come back so everyone just gets in their Jack left. Okay, bye. We will. Becca, see you next Tuesday. Thanks for listening. The Lady Gang is produced by Alex Ingber, Steve Delameter, and Jared Monaco.

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