LadyGang - Naya Rivera

Episode Date: May 29, 2017

Naya Rivera brings the sass to the LadyGang! She's got stories from the set of "Glee," thoughts on the best and worst parts of pregnancy (food and placenta pills), and tips for balancing motherhood & career. She also has a wicked "ish" moment, an incredible mirror message, and some good advice when it comes to love and marriage! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey guys, it's your Lady Gang, Jack Vanek, Kelty Knight, and Becca Tobin. Thank you so much for subscribing on iTunes, and thanks for supporting the great sponsors who make it possible for us to have this much fun with you every single week for free. Well, what is this? Welcome to the Lady Gang. That's amazing. Say that again. The Lady Gang.

Things are about to change around here. Each week, we catch up with Hollywood's hottest girl posse, Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to the Lady Gang. I am Becca Tobin, actress and blogger. To my right, Jack Bannock, clothing designer, CEO of Jack Bannock. And then next to her is Instagram. Unemployed, used to be an entertainment journalist.

You're still working. Instagram star. But my show got canceled. It's bleak. Kelty Knight. Instagram it, girl. I need a job. And like, who else is here, Kelty?

I mean, we kind of have a big guest today. Our guest today has been, get this, a telemarketer, a nanny, A greeter at Abercrombie & Fitch But you probably kind of know her From her epic acting career She played Santana on Glee with Becca And has also appeared in the French press of Bel Air Family Matters, Live Shot, Baywatch, Smart Guy

The Jersey, Houseplant, Even Stevens And Master of Disguise She's a new movie called Mad Families She's a true triple threat Being able to sing, dance, act But actually She's a quadruple threat Because she's also a total knockout

Babeface And honestly, I'm so glad you're sitting across the table from me and not beside me on camera so that we can be, you know, like separate from each other. She was featured on People Español's 50 Most Beautiful People list and the Maxim Hot 100 list. She's won a bunch of awards, too, but you get it. She's way better than us. Please welcome to the Lady Gang, Naya Rivera.

I am also available for hire. After all that, the unemployed call me. And still, I really want a job. And she's a mommy. I know. mommy okay so let's do it okay it's time for good week yes it is bad week oh no who's starting jack me okay um pick up your phone so every week this is for the bad week so for my good week i sometimes find pleasure in somebody else's embarrassment and this is what happened because

you're human my good week so i've talked about in the podcast before that like my cure-all to period cramps since i have an id and it's like literally hell on earth is these weed suppositories what do you put up your bum or your vagina this is the story you put them up your vagina you put them on the tip of the tampon this is really i don't know it's a cream i know it's like a kind it's like a coconut oil like a suppository like when i put an enema in your butt yeah put that up my butt many times put that yeah on the tip of a tampon and then you shove the tampon up and then it gets rid of your cramps it's like the cure all it really works that yes you have to get them from like a weed store so i don't have my weed license because i'm lazy and so i had my

mom's best friend go grab me these suppositories from the weed shop i don't know what they call them dispensary yes so she i like told her what to get and she's like okay i got it so my friend my mom's best friend like had cancer and the reason why she like used weed was during chemotherapy and like all this stuff she's the most like unassuming sweet little sweet little lady and so she goes in there with her husband and she like goes to you know get the suppositories from the guy and the guy when she like asked for them he was like oh he's like okay he like goes and gives him to her and then he like gives her a little like little smirk and like a wink and she was like i don't know why he was really doing this i it was kind of weird oh no she gives them to me

they're anal suppositories to open you up for butt sex and she was with her husband and he was like these guys are freaky and trying some weird shit get your asshole high yeah so it doesn't hurt when you're trying to like get it in i would say that would be top of my list if i ever decided to do anal that would be the first thing i would buy oh yeah yeah you guys should hit the streets of weho and be like do you know about that we should sell it like a lemonade stand lady gang anal suppositories sounds like something that we would do you thought you just needed to be drunk this is better get your butt high that's amazing so is that bad or good that was good it was good for me it was probably bad for her so well not with the suppository it's probably okay so that was

a good it made her someone else's embarrassment was a pleasure for her so my bad week i don't know if you know we have this ladying facebook group that we have all of our listeners go she's in it she's one of the most active members she's obviously in it the facebook group has been infiltrated by trolls yes and it shit hit the fan this weekend with these trolls apparently there's this whole seedy underbelly of facebook with all these troll groups that people literally join with like five accounts and then go join other facebook groups to try to like wreak havoc and close them down so we had all these trolls in our facebook group this weekend and all of our moderators saying things like aren't cats the worst no just starting like all these arguments because they

probably saw like lady gang this is a bunch of cat lovers spinsters so they're joining and basically starting shit with all these girls anytime some girl would post something that's like remotely personal they'd go and like find their boyfriend and like send it to them all these mean things so we started kicking them out jack says the best strike one you're out yeah no three strike and then i'm like don't they always message one of us being like i don't know why i got kicked out can you ask me back in we're like no so anyways so now they're on these other troll groups which it's called the thunderdome and we know you're freaking in there one of the girls goes hey y'all the lady gang facebook group has a mole and is kicking us all out please help us

out by writing a scathing one-star review for the podcast scathing and then some girl posted a video of her burning her lady box and stabbing and i'm gonna play i didn't watch it because jack said she was gonna play it for us looks pretty with this music ready yes that's some high quality shit it doesn't burn wait wait wait i bet there's nothing in it oh you know she kept her shit you know she's stabbing you guys we've made it no you know you really have it's like you know you've made a passion you guys passion i'm so pumped you can't just kick people out for doing nothing oh no she's pissed it's like my mom said if you ain't got haters you ain't shit and also i found a comment that this girl posted and she's like i can't believe i burned and

stabbed a box i'm unhinged and need help that was her i would say you probably are and you probably do thank you so much yeah so good one we've got haters that was also kind of a good week but i'm gonna bring it back around because this is sort of similar my good week is that i was tweeted by someone letting me know that there is a man on youtube who wrote a song about me yes And it's good His name is Papa Rotsi That's a triple threat

So wonderful Back up, back up, back up Back up, back up You're so very nice I'm nice. I don't think he knows you. Did you win? Like four years ago.

It's been a minute. Did you win? He said I did a very good job. Super duper. Oh, yeah. This is amazing. He should have played your wedding. Hollywood legend.

Hollywood legend? Thank you. Wow. I mean, how long is this song? I love... It's actually not long. Can I see what he looks like? I saw his picture.

You just said I'm a very nice lady. That's not true at all. He definitely does not know you in the least bit. But here he is. His name is Papa. Wait, he's actually not that bad looking. I know. He isn't.

That's not him. That's definitely clip art. It looks like a single cover. That's actually Michael Bolton, but okay. Thank you so much. Did you feel so famous? Pretty famous. I think this is your ish moment or whatever.

It might be my ish moment. So my bad week is I have been a fan of Botox for so long. Like for so long. Same. I'm not shy about it. It is what it is. But I go. So my friend goes to this doctor in Beverly Hills and he's like the guy.

He's the guy that will like look at your face and he'll be like, I can inject you here and here and I can take you from a seven to a ten. wasn't he the one that told somebody they were pretty but he could make him prettier no that was somebody else so he he does those non-surgical nose jobs which are mind-blowing amazing and i was like i'm just gonna ask him i'm gonna be like what would you do look at my face and tell me look at my face first of all tell me how ugly i am this is still in my good week because he like looks at me and he's like meanwhile my friend gets like all all the things and i'm like i'm scared and he's like probably just under your eyes and i was like that's it that's it and i was like well

then i'm clearly doing it because i'm like a step away from a 10 so like obviously i'm doing it i think that's how he gets you yeah so he's like i'm gonna do a little like filler under your eyes because you get dark circles and it's the reason is because it's like a little concave so i'm like fill it out so i'm like great few things happened in between and um it went from being 1500 to then being 25 off if i posted about it to then being free if he could post about it also there you go that's a good deal i'm a whore so um i was like call me a random doctor i know i'm like what's free like who's gonna say no to like a free syringe like obviously not me so he starts on the left eye and i'm like oh this isn't so bad and then he goes to the right eye and all of a

sudden i hear like pop and i was like what was that he goes i think there was just like a bubble in the syringe in the solution well that was two weeks ago i still have a black eye you can't really see it but it's there it's been hiding under a lot of the makeup like zach and i it's so bad that we were traveling in the airport together the other day he beat you and he got really pissed because he didn't get tsa pre-check this time and he was like god damn it he's crazy wait has he been riding on your tsa pre-check no we were flying on a different airline than we normally fly so it wasn't like i forgot to add it into like it was my not having tsa pre-check is literally the worst he hate i mean he's the biggest snob in the airport and he's like god

damn it and then all these people look at him and then they see me with a black eye and they're all like shit and then all these waiters keep looking at me like being like you okay girl so like order the order the angel drink angel shot for girls that are like uncomfortable in a bar and i'm like no it's okay but i'll probably do it again of course you will do you feel like it looks good i feel like it looks pretty good did you post about it i did is this gonna be weird when everybody figures out who the doctor is i feel like enough time has passed where i'll probably have done it like six more times and posted six more doctors like because i'm just gonna go around town getting free things so no one will even be able to trace it that's excellent thank you okay um my good week

actually has to do with you uh-oh um i got my photo taken by the paparazzi for the first time without calling them myself can i get a hell yeah and it was because you were with becca it was with becca where was this um we went to an event at uh some brooks brothers and we got out of the car and here's the thing i don't actually think the paparazzi was interested in us at all but we were cute girls walking up to an event where cute girls were supposed to be and so i think it was like a pity take like sometimes photographers take it because they're like oh maybe later i'll figure out that was like who's somebody somebody so because you knew that like i got out of the car and i saw him and becca's used to this so she was like very cool and i was like let me do my

shoulder i did all my looks and um and then like he only took like six pictures right and like that's when you know they don't really want i'm not sure who you are no they're like let me just take some in case is this a good week yeah that's my good week okay i'm just so excited because it was the first time that i ever got out of my car and the paparazzi took a picture of me and it wasn't like i was like i'm here i'm arriving i'm wearing a purple dress like you know what i mean and do you even remember this happening i was loving this i do i do have you ever called the paparazzi on yourself no contrary to pop belief pop we know people who have okay here's my bad week yeah so before my show got canceled and i had a job i booked a big exclusive with like a

really big guy about this like death he had in the family and it was the first time that my job but ever let me do, like, Death and Destruction, because normally I'm just like, here's a cartwheel, let me throw some butter in the air. Like, they never let me be, like, a serious journalist. So I was really excited because they put me on The Talk, you know, that talk show, which is, like, kind of dreamy. And so I sat there, and they're like,

okay, so you're going to tell us about the story, and, like, the ladies will just listen, and then you can just, like, small talk with them. And I was like, I've got it. I'm a serious journalist with a big exclusive. So, like, literally, you should tie looks. I mean, she's like, tonight we have special correspondent Kelty Knight here.

She has a big exclusive with blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. kelty why don't you tell me about it and i said i know this is a really sad story alan thick's daughter and i was like i mean son oh no oh shit it was my time to goddamn shine and i it up in the first sentence damn oh no you did that before with something else serious she's done it a lot but i think it's only with when she's trying to be serious no it is because I don't know how to be serious. So I was like, maybe that's why they keep asking you to cartwheel. I'm just kidding.

Anyway, I was really sad because then I got off and like my whole PR team from the show was like, great job. And the show people were like, we love having you. You're so great. And then like, I turned to Elena, my assistant, I was like, how'd it go? She's like, well, she, I was like, how'd it go, Elena? And she's like, it was, you know, cause she's like honest, you know? Anyway, I was really sad.

That's it. Naya, the bar is high. Good week, bad week. Tell us the best thing that happened to you. The bar is so high. so it's the best thing that happened to me last week and then the worst thing oh gosh what day is it even i know you have a child it's like every day is the best right the world makes so much sense now do you feel like that be honest the sacrifice is worth it

um but i mean well we'll get into that okay i'm trying to think of the best thing that happened to me last week um i don't know oh i i don't know i like really liked watching that uh melissa mccarthy skit on snl oh i didn't see it she was good i love her highlight of my week i mean that's a sad ass week that's very bleak for you being a mom in mom prison is tough oh and i also think i took a selfie in which like my cheekbones look really good so that's a good week that was like a check you do take some

damn good selfies I mean I don't get around to it that often but then like when you do you have to bring it out yeah let's just see

and I was like okay these are good yeah it's always nice and validating yeah what about your bad week kid got sick

yeah what is that like do you ever just put them away and you're just like hang out for a minute put them in a bassinet even though he's a toddler

I just shove him in a nice closet yeah like put something on Pandora like I'll deal with you in a couple hours Does it hurt your soul?

Yes. Because people are like, it's my soul. Well, no. I don't know about the soul, but it's definitely like, it's so sad because they're helpless. And you're like, what can I do? And it's also frustrating. And then you're tired. And you're like, what's going on?

I'm calling doctors being like, I need answers. Like, I've never done this before. Help me. Like, I can't keep doing this. Did you eat your placenta? I did. I had them made into like pills. You didn't.

Did you put them in smoothies? I would do that. Isn't it like eight grand to do that? No. it was so cheap. It was like 250 bucks. Oh yeah. What do you, do you just take them? Yeah. I took them like right after. Cause you know, I heard it helps with postpartum and I was breastfeeding for a little bit and I heard it helps with that. And so I was like, all right. So good reviews are just like, um, I mean, yeah, I mean, I didn't, I didn't kill myself and Josie was fed for like a

month. There you go. You got it. That's all you really winning. Yeah. On that note, when we come back, Naya is going to tell us about her Hollywood heartbreak and her ish moment. That's cute. all right we're officially back cheers cheers ding ding ding a great week to a great damn week okay so first of all we're gonna ask you what is your ish moment what's the moment where you thought i am the hottest ish in the place i have officially made it everyone loves me and it's okay that you say one because everyone says one okay i think a couple years ago i went on jimmy kimmel and i wore what i was told was a crop top but it was actually a bikini top i wore it with a leather skirt i had really great hair day yeah everything came together glam wise

body was right super tan i still look at those gifts and then i'm like i want to get back to who that was my ish moment because you were hot that's amazing i nailed it did anyone i was like real close yeah when did you find out you're wearing a bikini top uh afterwards my my stylist was like so you know that was a bikini right she fooled you i know i was like all right but it worked out oh question my i mean everyone knows that is well no because here's the But like, oh, I would wear that as a crop top. There was nothing stretchy on it at all. You know, like that was not, the band wasn't stretchy.

Right. I was like, okay. It didn't tie in the back. You look amazing though. Yeah, you do. You look so good. I mean. I would think that's a top.

I thought it was like a very risque top. Damn. I think if your body looks like that, you can wear a bikini top as a top. Yep. I'm glad I did it, you know? And then I had a baby. Like, shake it when you can. Mm-hmm.

But now your body's back, which is super annoying. Yeah, it's also annoying. It's back. Did you do like a tummy trainer thing? what'd you do um did you do lipo be honest oh gosh no that's terrifying did you do quill sculpting no i heard that doesn't work did you do a laser i did on my chin what do you think i don't think it worked don't tell her so you just like what you're eating healthy and like drinking so much water sleeping did you have something air for breakfast no so here's the

thing i gained so much weight when i was pregnant it's the only time in hollywood you can actually eat there was like an insane amount of you stopped leaving the house because we were supposed to go meet at a restaurant one day before before I blew yeah like by the time I had Josie it was like summer and I was like in my pool as a whale I could not move my arms like my limbs were too small from what was going on did you get like super swollen and puffy yes um and then I think a lot of it was water weight yeah to be honest with you because then afterwards I like was talking to uh somebody that works at a med spa and I was like what can we do here and they were like no like we're not going to do anything it's just water and i was like no it's not do you see

everything these dimples they're not full of like a water and it sure enough it just went away did you get scared when you would see yourself naked in the mirror i remember i vividly the one day that like things went awry i was like in bed and i pulled the covers off and i looked at my thighs and i was like when did i become my mother it was like really insane i didn't know who's body god damn it it was like it really was i was confused like looking in the mirror like you're like i'm gonna zip this is this woman so i do appreciate though that you were like a normal human and actually gained weight oh yeah i went i went for it i mean you gotta hope so you have like a child many people don't know like so many people are so annoyingly scared though yeah you

know and on top of that i'm always starving so i'm like okay well there's a human who wants to eat too so let's eat i have a question before we get to your hollywood heartbreak i need to know something just like as a woman yeah we don't have babies yet does your vagina actually go back together uh nothing has ever come out of my heehee oh you get a c-section yeah did you do that on purpose like hollywood style because you wanted to keep a pristine platinum badge can you ask for a c-section oh yeah that's what all the hollywood girls do to an extent like to an extent i think it like depends on which doctor you have because like my doctor wouldn't like let me just right off the bat be like hey can i have a seat but i know i was like the person that wanted

to have him in like a blow-up pool in my living room and i was like going all natural i watched you know some stuff that ricky lake talked about oh yeah i was like really into it and then like my due date comes and he's like so like no like pristine 17 year old cervix looks like a kid has not been sitting here for like 10 months and nothing was happening he was like you probably won't go into labor for another like two and a half weeks. And I was like, okay, can I see you tomorrow at Sears? Oh my God. You got to get out. Okay. On that note, um, what's your Hollywood heartbreak? What's the gig that you didn't get someone else got or thing that you thought was going to work out and it didn't. And don't be all positive. How about like everything we ever

auditioned for? That happens all the time, you know, and I've been doing it for so long. I feel like there's been so many things, especially when I was younger, I would always like take it really hard because i didn't understand and uh yeah i mean i'd probably say there's too many to count is there one in particular that burnt though who's your competitor in hollywood yeah who are you shay mitchell no no i don't know i like what other burnett sassies are there that you keep going up for the same thing yeah who do you see in the hallway like it's weird because like we were working for so long that like we were out of the audition game and now like being back in it it's different now than it was like when i was younger there were girls that you see at the same

auditions like all the time but now it's just different it's kind of like free-form rock out it is really they're like we don't know what we want we'll take one of every flavor yeah for sure that's so weird okay um do you have a mirror message what's your inspirational quote to live by um your life doesn't have to be perfect for you to be proud i like that yeah you bitch i thought you're gonna come in here and be like i don't use one i'm a cynical bitch that's what you drink you drink the kool-aid that's a nice honest it is nice i like it not bullshit kelty night kind of mere message what's the biggest shenanigans you got what did you think of each other on the show i liked becca from the start she was always hilarious did you haze her though because

she said everyone hazed her no actually you were the only one who was really nice to me yeah no she was uh we hung out yeah i would say that you and darren were the most like warm people from the get-go kevin oh and kevin yeah but you know what kevin's funny you kind of have to like earn your way in once you're in it's like you're there true you know so like you guys were probably the most welcoming yeah no i thought i thought you were awesome thanks um before we immediately you're cool before we go to our game um what's the most insane thing you've ever read about yourself that's not true oh just like the amount of shit people think i've had done to my face like it's always really weird welcome to kelty's life no people literally were like you need to stop

getting plastic surgery that's my favorite thing i have a hashtag it's just my favorite thing yeah these people are like yeah like i used to like her but then she like messed her face up and it's like okay well that's also really weird to say like i didn't i woke up like maybe it was like a bad contour day. Just calm down. Like I'm driving around being like, hey,

how can we F this up? Just like a little bit more. No. It is crazy though but I will say your makeup artist, like if you have a good makeup artist,

you can look incredible but sometimes if someone draws in my eyebrows wrong and I get a picture taken, it's like a whole different Kelty. No, it's true.

It's makeup. Makeup like totally, you know, can accentuate different features in certain ways. I mean, I think your face

looks really nice. Thank you. Thank you. Alright, when we come back, we're going to talk all about celebrity scandals. you're listening to the lady gang and we're back this game is based off your book which i read and

really enjoyed before we um we do have a book reading club on the lady gang so i think we should make this the book of the month sorry not sorry but if i'm canadian i'll say sorry but not sorry how do you say it in america sorry not sorry sorry um how hard is it to write like a tell-all about your life because people get crazy when you tell stories they like blow it up yeah it actually wasn't hard like i worked with someone that was awesome and it was kind of like interview style like she'd come over we'd like split a bottle of red and then she'd hit the tape recorder and we would just talk it was awesome okay sorry not sorry this is a list that's amazing sorry not sorry this is a list of my favorite celebrity scandals i want you to tell me if you'd be sorry

you did it or not sorry okay okay so sorry is like oh she shouldn't have done that and not sorry is like i'm there i would do it too i'm just being me okay are you ready here we go selena gomez broke the squad rules and started dating the weekend after she he dated bella hadid who's also in the squad sorry not sorry in the coven not sorry i mean i don't know how close they are i know i would need to know i need to know the friendship i don't have any facts just play the damn game if they're well jack that's they're really in the same squad and it's a small intimate squad i'm gonna say you should be sorry but if it's like i don't know how hollywood bullshit bullshit but if you just have each other's phone numbers and you say hi at parties then

not sorry and you're like in taylor swift squad that's like not a squad that's a coven naya sorry not sorry i'm gonna go with becca i mean you have to know like if they were really close friends makes it not fun when you guys like integrate the question just play the game this is not like the encyclopedia of life it's just a fun game kelsey invented so we need to like add it okay here we go kendall jenner legit never wears a bra sorry not sorry not sorry she has good tits yeah not sorry she looks great not sorry not sorry i hate wearing a bra janet jackson and matthew mcconaughey dated when back in the day not sorry i mean for who i don't for what's the question i don't know are you on board yeah not sorry i think that means

i'm on board i'm gonna say i'm on board so i'm not sorry not sorry i'm jealous really for who he does it for you matthew matthew's so dumb i don't know about that i just know about the face he's hot but he's so hot is those lincoln commercials i know i'm supposed to hate it i love it i want to hate it and i'm like god also he also went from dumb to like somehow sophisticated in like a second yeah he's like yeah in a second he was so dumb and now he's so suave yeah p.s the lincoln's i heard went up like 80 in sales or something i'm sure people are stupid yeah they're dumb as hell the spice girls want to get back together for a reunion but posh spice won't come along sorry not sorry if you're posh if you're posh yeah she should be sorry she

should that's also you need to think of everybody else except for yourself because everybody loves the spice girls i know you think you're the shit and you have a lot of money and you don't need it but like everybody else wants you there even though you don't sing and like don't bite the hand that feeds you like don't you know shit on the thing that got you married to david beckham and you lip-sync anyway so like you wouldn't even have to go to voice lessons like just go don't turn on your mic i'm gonna turn it around i i would not be sorry about that i mean she's you're not gonna go black on the glee tour they need you we need you you know and like kids and like i'm sure she doesn't want to like get in a time machine and go back to like 98 and put on

those platforms but it's not like she even had to wear a ridiculous outfit she still just wears a black dress yeah she has the timeless look yeah she's timeless except that that like can i speak to your manager haircut like the kate gosling it was intense like a lot okay when ellen norgin i don't even know her name found out tiger again nordigan found out tiger woods was cheating on her she reportedly knocked out all the windows of his car with a nine iron sorry not sorry not sorry we had this conversation when we did the pop fest it's like as long as you're not hurting an individual you can hurt that piss you want to hurt some property then he's cheating on you didn't you damage property i uh i decorated property right right i decorated how'd you do

that with eggs there was some eggs involved some dog food bird cat just various just various species maybe i fed the neighborhood did you feel better after i did yeah i feel like i feel exhilarating and it was also great because like nothing was damaged yeah get a car wash yeah you're fine yeah that's nice the grand scheme of things leanne rhymes cheated on her backup dancer husband with eddie sibrian who was also married at the time and now they're married to each other sorry not sorry oh that there's a lot of infidelity i would say sorry i mean sorry Did you see Dean Shurmell to whatever his name is? I didn't.

I'm not sorry. Her back. She was married to Dean Little. Well, she should be sorry for that. Is he tiny? Sorry again. Like a tiny little. Why was she married to him?

Have you seen Eddie Cibrian? He's not hot. Sorry. That's all. Sorry. Sorry. I'm definitely sorry. That's so gross.

Yeah. Like sorry. Oops. We can't say on the podcast. I've had a lot of champagne. Kristen Stewart reportedly cheated on Twilight hunk. robert pattison with her director oh was that that picture that was the picture canyon idiots idiots why would you go to the paparazzi were they asking for that picture to be taken i mean

they had to have been yeah i don't i mean i don't know it was really sneaky no wait weren't they off on like a cliff no they were like in the woods wait no yeah why are you in the woods don't you have like multi-million dollar mansions you can make out yeah like it was on like a porch or something right i don't know i'm trying to think of the picture but are you sorry sorry are you sorry so yeah sorry i mean i don't like what people cheat either but like i would cheat on rob pattinson too i think he's so hot cheating's never okay except no period especially when you're going on a hike and then you tap like no and then you smell okay justin bieber peed in a bucket you know i'm not sorry not sorry at all he's probably wasted it was

probably amazing can you do no wrong in your no i just peed everywhere yeah that's like your bird seed is my wait my urine is your bird seed okay like that is how i have peed in a bucket not in a bucket no i peed in a dog bed in my car when i had to go and i didn't have anything to go in yeah in a water bottle not put it in a purse insane it was like a twice smells no and then you throw it out and you detail your car but you peed on like a fabric she used it as a maxi pad maxi pad like the dog between the legs honestly it is for your legs no because it you didn't have anything else in that car and couldn't have you guys when i was younger this is almost as creative as when i was younger we had a like a tree house outside and it was not that far from

the house inside but you know when you're a kid and going to the bathroom is like such an inconvenience well i took a shit in the woods and then i was like there's nothing to wipe with like nothing there was a rope handle there was a rope handle on the on the tree no you did not yes i did what just one you didn't get like some kind of we can only do one because you get rope burn my sister will never let me forget that she was there that's great amazing yeah there's like a poop probably didn't even such good stories but like it's i think it's creative we're creative we're like we're creative problem you're no you're macgyvering your life yeah i have to pee i'm on the 405 it's rush hour i'm super famous on the d-list i can't get out of my car i'll be in my

dog bed i don't see the problem with this that's good all right uh 2001 winona rider stole six thousand dollars worth of clothes from a department store i still don't get that that's hilarious i love that story it never gets old no i'm sorry not sorry i'm not sorry wasn't it barney's or something it was something fabulous yeah yeah i'm not sorry at all no not sorry no i mean i wouldn't personally do it but i love her for doing it thank you i love her i love when rich people steal me too you're like you could literally get that for free like when you're caught you're like how did all this did she put it on herself too i think she did she had stuff on she was like and this other you know she was just on so many part of pharmaceuticals

she thought she was in her closet and she was like getting dressed for the day she was pulling she's a stylist she's in a showroom these are my looks wait things cost money i don't understand i've been famous so long people are always just bringing me things that's the thing okay tom cruise jumping on the couch uh about katie holmes that was like a scientology break wasn't it sorry sorry stupid i want to ask katie holmes every time i see her on the red carpet what was it like to escape from scientology like that's all i want to know do it can you do that your show is canceled you can do it now i know that's true i have nothing to lose you have nothing to lose she'll never come on lady gang anyway but she she probably will if she comes

we're asking her okay anyway what do you think jumping on the couch no uh it just it looked weird it was weird it was weird tom cruise's gross in real life he would go up to your belly button he also has the middle three three middle teeth oh he does you know that is a thing so does nick jonas they have three big middle teeth and they are like they're in this one in the middle and then like an extra two it's not an extra two that's just how their teeth are but for some reason you just really miss but for some reason the three are big and then all the other ones are smaller like you got middle teeth you got three middle teeth and then some sides it's weird but it's true three middles and some accessories and that's it i mean nick's fine he's

still getting laid so it doesn't matter what we say i bet when you google tom cruise in the top searches it's tom cruise three middle teeth okay while we get on to that back in the early 90s i don't know why i'm still nostalgic today richard gear was allegedly admitted to a los angeles area hospital with a foreign object logged in his rectum he only he and the x-ray machine know for sure but the object was reported to be a gerbil wait what year sorry not sorry where have you been i don't know i don't remember that it's called gerbil jamming probably 10 everybody knows the story lives forever gerbil jamming you put it in a ziploc bag and you a live gerbil and then it stimulates like a funny your anal cavity but things i'm beginning trying to get out it's

like trying to get out and as it's clawing you're you're they haven't made like a dildo that can like recreate those feelings i'm sure they have but like it's the real thing in the early 90s it was 27 years ago that's innovative but are you sorry you're not sorry for sticking the gerbil up your butt i think he probably killed the gerbil so probably it dies it dies in there it suffocates oh my god i'm sorry i said sorry so much about yeah no because i heard gerbil jamming once and i did tons of research and i don't know why you have it like that's bizarre to me that's weirder than anything i would probably be very very sorry did he go to jail for like animal abuse i don't think so martha stewart busted for insider trading not sorry girl not sorry she can do

no wrong i love her and now she's better than ever with snoop god she's so good and she looks so good for her age she's great she's great lighting model she's amazing gorgeous she has perfected old lady hair she's she's perfected like older lady everything i tuck it all behind but i leave one sassy piece out don't you think and usually the ear sticking out does not look always does she always is like i'm like a full lady i gotta get my piece it's not a sideburn it's just one it's my thing it's because she got one of those facelifts back in the day where like she needs to cover this allegedly people are gonna be talking about like the us like talking like this about us one day and we will be so rich if we're lucky and look as good as

martha stewart when we're like 75 um janet jackson nipple gate sorry not sorry not sorry not sorry not sorry she had jewelry on it not sorry right but she did have a large sun did she have like a tassel or something like bedazzled right it's a piercing oh it was wasn't it but it was she should be sorry for that that justin timberlake blamed her he was in on it but did he like pull her dress or something is that what it was on purpose it's also not even a dance move so i don't know what else you would have been you're just like um and yeah like what was the intention what was the move like the move was like yeah ripping her heart out you know what thank you oh okay so metaphor uh lisa left eye lopez uh rest in peace burned down her ex-boyfriend's

house when she found out her ex was cheating on her not sorry at all don't i feel akin to her right now because i'm like becca right eye lopez with this black eye i would burn someone's house down 100 i have rage if you're gonna do me wrong nope right i mean hope no no one should be inside the house again as long as a person does not get hurt what do you want to hear live in the house too i'd get my stuff out i think you wait i would get a pod do you want to hear something so dirty i did when our mutual ex-boyfriend cheated on me i took the dog and left and then i was like get out of the house and the next day i went back to the house and i literally took every piece of dior men's men's clothing like leather jackets jackets shoes everything that was designed in

the closet took it and sold it all on ebay and made like twenty thousand dollars did he ever notice that's very not until now and you just wait is this out of the jurisdiction yet can you get sued right now can i get sued as the what's it called um wait is it jurisdiction no it's the that guy sorry oh i'm supposed to cancel on the podcast go ahead what oh just sorry not sorry about burning down the house oh no not sorry okay whatever naya sorry i mean i'm like no we're not gonna burn down property just bird seed you're such a did she get arrested for burning down someone's home you know what if no one ever found out it was you no that's like that's a lot that's a lot i don't i like any anxiety that you would have being like i think i know it's me like oh

my god anxiety would kill me so you're more scared of getting caught than actually burning yeah i guess okay um tanya harding club nancy kerrigan's knees before the olympics i still love it you're really going back because some of the best stuff happened in the 90s sorry not sorry i mean i bet nancy kerrigan was a real bitch no totally right a hundred percent you know you know she was a bitch she didn't deserve it but wait but she had somebody else club her right so they hired someone she hired someone was like her boyfriend supposed to be her yeah her it was like her and her boyfriend right did this thing together and did they go into her house or something no it's a club club oh no it would have been better if it was an ice cream that's like a horror movie

i mean sorry majorly but like no one no one i don't know i don't think anybody else is sorry you're all sorry right i'm not sorry no i don't think i think everybody else really you said nancy kerrigan seemed like a little bit of a weasel i mean i i don't think it's okay but like i feel like nancy was a little bit snooty that's like such extreme measures i think punishment should fit the crime guilty what was the crime there wasn't one she was being a bitch and better because they were competing she was better but the worst part about it was then she got the silver like she was supposed to go to the olympics after getting clubbed and then like she had a gold costume do you remember and then she didn't do that great and she got silver because

her legs were shattered i know it's supposed to be this big redemption and then she got silver i can't wait for that movie me too okay last one i know you guys are like really you know living this life um okay a pop princess can only take so much in 2007 britney spears hit her breaking point she shaved her head she rarely wore underwear and she attacked a paparazzi's car with an umbrella rarely wore underwear did you add that no sorry not sorry i don't know i just ran it on the internet allegedly it's true sorry not sorry um hold on let's say first we know that she has problems with her brain and so this is all in good fun allegedly whatever i would say not sorry i think even a healthy human under that much scrutiny would crack i feel like i could have

a britney spears moment at any point and like there's just one song about me on the internet that's just it one you know i can't and i can barely take it i can't imagine being like the most famous person basically in the entire world and having everybody like has there ever been a time you wanted to like just club a car i mean i just don't own any umbrellas so i think that's like saving me um all these years no or a razor or a razor yeah i'm uh i'm with becca on that there's been many times that i thought about like crashing into someone's car like i've thought about like really like oh my god all the time i hate everyone like but like seriously doing it no but i've gotten like i've thought about it like terrifying i have

to go don't go i don't know i feel like i've been like i could break a window with an umbrella sometimes really no i'm too lazy to do that i think you have a lot of rage yeah we've heard her come in after like eight movie premieres and like well and the thing is you have the energy to do it totally like i feel like becca i'm an a-type like be like i'm just gonna like go to bed yeah okay well on that note when we come back we're gonna fix your life hey ladies funky ask the lady gang and we're back kelty thank you well thank god i mean we break for so long i'm like we have a schedule oh my god gotta keep on the schedule um before we start ask the lady gang if you guys want 20 off of jack van dot com use code lady gang and get

yourself some sassy things thanks so for this part of the podcast you're helping us answer questions from our listeners and trying to give them somewhat decent advice okay our first question comes from brie and brie says my boyfriend and i are very certain about our relationship but we have mixed feelings about marriage we both come from divorced families and have witnessed the ugliness that can come from it what are your thoughts on having a love ceremony the same as a wedding to share our dedication with friends and family but not be legally married i think that is the best idea and that is the smartest girl i've ever heard uh yeah no i'm all about a fake wedding now you know i mean do what you want to do if it means that's the same like why do you

legally have to get the paperwork there is a tax um benefit there is a tax benefit yes i'm also wondering if he has really good insurance maybe yeah do you need to be on his insurance does he have a will then like for sure that too maybe if his family is rich you could do like five years of fake marriage and then if it's going well be like we're really married but here's the thing is it a psyche thing like if you don't get really married then do you start acting like a crazy wife or do you like are you still a cool girlfriend well then i was also wondering because she doesn't say whose ideas are whose or like whose feelings are it like if she is the one that doesn't want to get married and he does i think they both feel that way she said they both then don't force it i

mixed feelings i guess kurt russell like they've never been married right oprah instead yeah but i think that's for different reasons allegedly awesome because they're the best she loves her friend gail no i feel like there's nothing wrong with it whatever you want to do is fine i don't know if there's like pressure from somebody i don't know a love ceremony is not what you should call it though because that's super cheesy and i don't want to be your friend anymore but like yeah figure out a better name and serve good food and we'll come just call it a wedding and just don't sign the papers yeah nobody knows it's fine yeah okay our second question comes from melissa melissa says i met this guy on tinder six

months ago we hang out once or twice a week mostly drinks and talking nothing too formal i've met some of his some of his friends and he did take me out to dinner for my birthday it was so cute i usually spend the night at his place on weekends my question is should i ask him if we are dating or is it too soon how long did she say six months six months girl if you don't know by now yeah it's a little too late to be asking that question i feel like you just have to be like hey listen i'm just want to be safe and it's always weird you know like because it's like if it's that long and you're the girl asking then it's it's like already annoying also yeah we've talked about this like guys are pretty black and white with like what they want and need out of

a girl and like if he hasn't kind of like pushed that kind of conversation on you wanting to like make you his by six months that's like kind of a long time i think the worst question you can ever ask is what are we yeah yeah chris tried to say we were literally at brunch one day when we first started dating he was like will you be my girlfriend and i said no and he started crying don't ask don't ever ask you either are or you not you are or you're not sorry not sorry you are how long were you dating when he cried like three months it's cute it's cute i think it's cute too no yes if a guy just what do you think you just know and assume you just know you can tell well this is sometimes confused so i think what she should do is just be like hey are we sleeping

with other people like i just want to be on the same page because i am and i can stop if you want me to no maybe not that unless he's like yes we are you're like good thing i have to actually go get tested i've been sleeping with so many people like vr i might have an std yeah i'm crawling with syphilis because i've been sleeping with so many people but my vagina is right now if he says he's not sleeping with other people then like he's your boyfriend he's just not saying it and like that's a whole nother issue but right he is technically your boyfriend if you do that tricked okay you just gotta con him into a relationship it's what you do yep our last question comes from aaron and aaron says do you wipe your booty sitting or standing

what like when you poop obviously actually you forgot the rest of the question discuss hashtag ask lady gang discuss discuss okay oh uh pretty girls don't poop no just kidding i don't know i'm sorry you're not allowed to say fuck i'm a podcast but i do run around just i just do a couple blocks around my neighborhood just get it out cheeks you know just spread and then i come back i feel like fresh as a day what i stand but that you do stand is that weird yeah that is not optimal open that is not optimal optimal positioning for your butthole you take a poop and then you stand when you stand and your butt's closed and then you stand how do you paper up there how do you get in there when you're sitting like this you go underneath the

toilet hello your butt's open on the toilet does everyone in canada do this it sounds like a canadian this is a canadian thing what i'll never forget i mean this is how people this is how people do it when i was in kindergarten i went to a montessori school where there was like curtains for like bathroom doors which i think is really like messed up and we'll go back to that but like you never had any privacy so there's a curtain and i'm like go going to the bathroom and this bully bitch i can't even remember her name and i'm not even gonna give her that right now don't give her that satisfaction when she listens i know i know you're there so she brings in her crew of mean girls we're six like or like five and she whips the curtain open and i'm like this

that's really mean it was i can't believe you pooped at school i can't believe they don't have doors at school there's so many things i can't believe you remember pooping at school this is like i made it this is burned in my memory some people don't poop at work or school i'll poop wherever i i had that hang up for a while after now i'll poop anywhere literally anywhere anywhere i'm gonna wipe sitting down i think i've been doing it wrong my whole life yeah you stand but no one tells you is this did you ask this question no erin did erin what about a baby wipe i love a baby wipe a baby wipe is the best has anybody actually used a bidet yes no what is it are they nice well i was confused for a while because i was like is

this dirty water like is this toilet water where are we getting this yeah um but then they were like no it's clean it's it's coming from its own separate area girl i know you have a bidet in your house you know i wish though is it nice i wish it's just nice you know you're like oh does it like does it push things around does it give you like an orgasm like when you're in the hot tub and you put your clit next to the stream thing but it's up your butt no super cute i've never done that oh she's all the hot tub masturbated on so many jets all the hot tubs have you ever been to everywhere yeah it's amazing i'm fine she sunscreened my back really quickly i think i'm getting burned just amazing you guys are idiots if you go on the hot tub honestly at

your wedding you were in the hot tub with me i was having orgasm no you weren't we're not for real no she just silently we're all talking in public it seems weird yeah i think you could get arrested for you okay well anyway this has been fun that was fun wow i think we saved some lives today we certainly did and now i feel even like add to another list things kelty did wrong it's true that is so weird please go check out naya's book we love her so much and you can follow her and her like other 17 000 million followers on instagram and twitter at at it's got it when you're important you just get your name yeah when you're the only that's it yeah you don't have to be like it's becca tobin i like that though it's just like hey it's becca

in case you didn't know like because there's another becca tobin out there i think she's a cartoon artist she got it first what a bitch damn it um we're so excited you're here and also we love you so much please follow me on instagram it's kelty knight follow us at the lady gang and also please go to our website www.theladygang.com and like and comment on all of our posts because we need validation we love you so much and we will see you next tuesday join the lady gang every tuesday at itunes and at podcast1.com that's podcastone.com thanks for listening