LadyGang - Rachel Lindsay

Episode Date: February 1, 2022

Former Bachelorette, television correspondent and author, Rachel Lindsay shares what it took to write a tell all book, “Miss Me With That," and how she manages her busy schedule. Plus, find out how she avoids the thorns after giving out her final rose and uncovers the secrets from her time on the hit show.  Check out our amazing sponsors!!! EverlyWell: Get 20% off an at-home lab test at Everlywell.com/lady  BetterHelp: Get 10% off your first month at BetterHelp.com/ladygang  BYJUS: Go to BYJUS.com/podcast to sign up for your first class absolutely free! ZENB: Get 20% off your first purchase at zenb.com/lady - Terms and conditions apply! Shopify: Go to shopify.com/ladygang for a FREE 14-day trial and get full access to Shopify’s entire suite of features! SquareSpace: Go to SquareSpace.com/lady for a free trial! And when you're ready to launch, use code LADY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Attention, attention, all the things you've been swooning after on theladygang.com, all of our clothing and beautiful merch. There's a huge warehouse sale happening right now. It's not going to last long, but go over to shop.theladygang.com and you're going to find some epic things like you can get a velvet dress for $39. You can get a hat for 10. The Swacket is 99. Head over there. There's so much greatness. And you know what? You're welcome. Today's episode of Lady Gang is brought to you by Zen Bee Pasta. We're so excited to offer our Lady Gang listeners a special 20% off discount on your first purchase by going to zenbee.com slash lady.

That's Z-E-N-B dot com slash L-A-D-Y for 20% off. Terms and conditions apply. Well, what is this? Welcome to the Lady Gang. That's amazing. Say that again. The Lady Gang. Things are about to change around here. Each week we catch up with Hollywood's hottest girl posse,

Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to the Lady Gang. I am Becca Tobin here with Jack Vanek and Kelty Knight. Hello. Kelty just put on many layers of blush for this podcast. Looking good. I'm trying to keep Hope alive, and I felt like my pony was a little scraggly, so I put

her in a bun, and then I just feel like I need a little more blush than I used to. so but i didn't actually use blush i used the dolch vita nars lip gloss and i put it on my cheeks and then i put the citizen cosmetics they sent me i said can you girls just send me like what you think would be the perfect nude lipstick because i've yet to find it and they sent me four so i just tried istanbul for the first time and i thought you found it i thought chris uh i thought makeup by kellyanne sent sent you off uh options we talked about it on the podcast and you were like i can't find the perfect nude and then you like took a picture of a perfect nude that she suggested oh yeah but then i changed my mind i'm like is it perfect though so do you think maybe

you have enough to do if you're just sourcing the perfect i know um we need to get you some more work to do maybe i could grow lady gang if i'm like just like sitting around testing out lipsticks like i'm a blogger you guys have heard the thing where like the perfect lip color is supposed to the color of your nipple right oh yeah so maybe you need to be matching the nipple my nipples are very my nipples are very light my nipples are basically the same color as my skin yeah i mean mine aren't like i have a hair to pluck i've just oh god whoops the hairs the hairs oh i had my oh wait this would be actually a wonderful bad week so why don't we just hop in let's hop right in good week yes it is bad week oh no okay well i was going to talk about a

different bad week but you talking about your nipple hair really reminded me of something so i have had so much trouble since moving to austin finding a place that i like to go to for all like the microneedling the lasers and dermatology and blah blah blah blah because you know in la it's usually like the medispa or the dermatologist so it's like serious stuff and then beauty stuff and it's kind of annoying because my priorities obviously lie on the beauty end yeah um neglecting all dermatology so yeah melanoma wrinkles okay so i found this magical place in austin it's called austin skin this is not an ad but what i love about it is when i went in to get this microneedling and this peel done i realized that the woman who owns it the two women

who own it. And the two women who do all the procedures and all the things are like actual dermatologists. They're actual doctors. So I was talking to her and we were just sort of talking about beauty and skin and whatever. And she's like, well, do you need to get a mole check? And I was like, Oh, actually I do. But like, I don't, I didn't think they were like dermatology, even though I should have known from the website. I was like, well, yeah, if you have time, she's like, yeah, your numbing cream is on. You might as well like get your moles checked. Yeah. I was like well first of all this place sold me on that already except for the fact that normally when i know i'm going in for a mole check i prepare myself like i'm going on a first date i will

shave my from head to toe nipples to big toe i will make sure that like my hair has just been freshly washed that like every freaking part of me a mani pedi isn't even against like off the table because I want to be, they look between your toes, whatever. I couldn't have been less prepared. I gave her married person. Okay. I gave her, um, a quarter of an inch leg hair and I'm like, that's okay. She's seen leg hair before. She's a woman, you know, she's a dermatologist, you know, I, whatever. I was fine with all of it until I realized that she had to look at my breasts and I'm looking and she's looking and I'm like, am I going to say it or is she going to say it there's so many hairs sprouting from my nipple right now and that

to me was the most vulnerable i've ever felt in my whole life she's a perfect gentleman and didn't mention them acted like they didn't exist i'm sure she gives no f**ks about your nipple hair i gotta be honest with you i can't let i mean i've never no one has seen my nipple hair until she's the first person wow there's got to be one you know there's got to be one so now we're in an intimate relationship me and dr sarah at austin skin i love um apologies and then my good week is so i found out that there's this magical place on the internet where you can go and plug in your information like your name and social security and you can get unclaimed money from any place you've ever lived so say you move and you've like paid for spectrum but you your service ended and

they prorated you a refund and they mailed you a check, but you moved before that check even got to you. And it was basically just unclaimed money. So I was like, what? This can't be real. And my mom was telling me about it. She's like, you should do it. Cause we left LA and everything didn't tie up loose ends. It was like, whatever, nothing mattered. It was COVID. And she went, I went on the like unclaimed money, California. I had $300 that was just sitting there waiting for me and if you don't claim it the government gets it so everybody go to the state that you live in or have ever lived in and go to unclaimed money and i got my check guys i got my check and we're sure this isn't a scam putting in your social security number i don't know if it's your

social random website it's not a random website this is very reminding me of the fat she was like but they i just wanted to get into my cloud first of all my mom who won't even like leave a hotel door unlocked and like won't like she's but this sounds like a boomer thing that they're like yeah i logged into this website and like the next thing you know your identity is stolen it has to be a dot gov so like california unclaimed money dot gov blah blah don't be an idiot and it might not even require your social it might just require like your ad your past your previous address just your credit card number your credit card number is all they need just your blood type your fingerprint and your passport. I was excited. So guys, I'm excited for you. That

happened to me with the real, real, that happened to me with the real. When I moved, I always select paper check and they wrote me an email and they're like, by law, we cannot keep this money. Like you have to accept the money. And I always knew I was owed it, but I was just like, well, I guess it's lost because i moved but they sent it to me good for you that free money um i'll go my good week turns into a bad week so my good week is you know how i always would have like a dream pretty much every single night that i either cheated on jared or he cheated on me constantly so ever since we got engaged those dreams have stopped and i'm very interested in why because it's not like i was uh insecure about us being together and that like really sealed the

deal of becoming engaged but they've like completely stopped um so that's my good week my bad week is now these like anxiety-filled dreams that used to be him or i cheating on each other has now turned into the diamond falling out of my engagement ring. I'm not kidding. At least three times a week, I have a dream that my diamond falls out. Is that the equivalent of your teeth falling out? Kind of. I mean, it's the same feeling. It's the same like, like what the is happening kind of thing. And of course the diamond in my ring is like the size of a bowling ball and I've like completely lost it and it's worth $500,000. Well, I feel like that's an underlying anxiety ring. Yeah. I'm like, I guess like my anxiety, I don't have anxiety about our

relationship. No, no, no, no. It's not that about that thing. But I think anytime you have a dream where something is really stressful or causing you a lot of anxiety, it just means somewhere in your life you're dealing with anxiety. And it's just like manifesting in that way. Cause it's probably the most valuable thing that you like wear on a daily basis it's an easy thing for your brain to go to yeah it's certainly not about your relationship and then I just remember um like what you told me Becca because we were just talking about like diamonds and rings you're like you just have to you just have to check it and see if it's like in there and like of course well I do it all the time when I'm awake so then I like I do it in my dream and like

the whole thing's wavy and the diamond is like moving around in it it's a whole thing but wow oh wow according to dreams me and engagement ring dreams typically reference ongoing problems with which you've been dealing with for long periods of time you've been engaged to them and your dreams are telling you it's time to break off the engagement oh are you leaving the lady gang and this also says if you're newly engaged and in the process of getting married this may be a simple anxiety dream about the changes that are about to ensue you may be worried about the meaning of your relationship and it's longevity. No, there's just no anxiety there. Like it's like the, is it like getting your house though? Do you have anxiety about finding a house?

I mean, I have, I have anxiety in other parts of my life. So it like, that does make sense that it's just like manifesting into the, into my diamond falling out. But it's, it's funny. Cause like both of those dreams about my really, it's like, there's nothing. That's like the most stable part of my life. So I don't know. We'll see. Well, now that you're cheating, dreams have gone away you might cheat in real life because those are the only ones that keep me uh staying just kidding it's like those dreams where you like get accused of something wrong a wrongdoing or you commit a crime and then you wake up and you're like i will literally never ever lie cheat steal like i can't think of anything that keeps me in line yeah no it's true i need to start having

him again also i miss mgk you know he's just been absent from my dreams what's mgk oh my god i've gone down an mgk band absolutely disgusting you guys i can't i'm i'm less attracted to him as the days go on oh i can't look at a guy that will literally rolls out of bed and chooses 17 necklaces like what does that do to your vagina does that make it wet because it does not moisten my nether regions it makes me think of like my like i just can't think of anything worse like oh do you think i should wear this pearl necklace today and layer it with my crucifix and then wear his style and also just his like personality has feel like it's regressed into like a teenager i don't really understand it but then here i am being attracted to it i just think that if you

had it in your reality it would be a bummer i did i once dated a guy who wore like nail polish and guy liner and like funky you know he was like whatever but i at the end of the day like you wake up at 7 a.m and you see all that happen and you're like oh god i don't ever i don't need this in the daylight you know or like it's in the daylight like 22 years old yes yeah yeah agree okay um well i'm about to hit you with a fucking doozy i have a double bad week is it about cole sprouse yes no um remember the movie that i got i wish so bad i have a really bad short-term memory like i can remember things from 15 years ago but ask me what i did yesterday and i have no idea um basically like a grandpa talking about world war ii but it's the cole sproles movie

okay um i had the craziest fucking saturday of my life a double bad week i'm gonna start with the lighter of the two bad weeks my first bad week is that the fucking escape artist that is my dog ran away um she has not only does she have a collar that has her name and my phone number on it but she also has that little cell phone box so that when she runs away i can track her and i've also recently gotten her an apple air tag because even though the air tag is allowing people to stalk people in new york city it's also supposed to allow me to track my dog i have both of those things on her collar at this moment she ran away around 9 a.m um chris and i were dealing with my other bad week and for like 45 minutes and then i was like wait uh where's callie and then we

couldn't find her the fucking cell phone couldn't track her the air tag only works on bluetooth up to 100 feet what is the use of that and so i ran up the hill by my house calling callie for like literally an hour trying to find her we couldn't find her she was nowhere eventually some nice woman took her to the vet they had to scan her chip and then they called us which thank god but then i got home and i'm like or then chris went to get her and i was like it's just so weird that she didn't call my number because it's on her collar um the box and the air tag had covered the part of the collar where my phone number was so she had to like take her to the vet instead of just calling me callie took herself out of the house down the street and then decided to take

herself up the hike by my house she wanted to go on a hike i wasn't taking her and she decided to take herself she didn't go like in someone's backyard she didn't like no the lady was like oh i was on the hiking trail and she was just like hiking along having a sniff this is the cutest thing i've ever heard of my life she knows the route we go almost every day i take her on what if she had come home on from the hike oh my gosh i thought she's eaten by a coyote because i always said that thing where people were like what about your gate aren't you worried she's gonna get me i was like well if she gets eaten it's her time to go because i'm an asshole but then i was like what if it really is her time to go how you think about your dog in that way is

one of the craziest things about you you're just like well i guess you know it's her time like no preventative but she doesn't even mean that because if callie would be destroyed no it would be terrible and you'd also try to get on the cover of us weekly but it wouldn't be because you were car crash yeah yeah yeah exactly so so that was my bad week my other bad week i will just mention lightly. Um, my brother had a, had a real hard time and I am, I'm not even going to talk about that, but I just want to say this, like in general, the medical system is so up that I just want to say to everyone out there that's dealing with someone in their life who is ill, that it is like the most fucking exhausting, frustrating process, especially during COVID and our workers

in general, the nurses and the doctors and everyone, like you're fucking godsend people. Like, I don't know what else I can do in my life to express how important you are. and I just like, it's almost like it is, it just never, it never ends. It never ends. And it is so exhausting to have to be that strong person. And I'm terrified for anyone that has to be a child. And it was funny. And the reason I brought it up is I had talked to my friend Marcella and I was like, Oh, I'm really having this rough time. And, and I was like, I don't know how you have three kids and three stepkids. Like what the, like, you must just run around like with this level of anxiety of like, Oh my God, something's happened. Like I need to take

care of it all the time. Like, how do you even exist? Like I, and she goes, well, you have to think about it like this, like little people, little problems. And she's like, big people, big problems. She's like, let me tell you, it's way harder with my stepkids. Like when they were 16, 18, 20, then it has been with a two-year-old, like little people, little problems. And she's like, they have a tantrum, they have a whatever. I mean, obviously there's some cases where little people big problems but um anyway that kind of made me think like huh okay like anyway feel less alone anyway everything's hard and terrible and um I hate 2022 already I'm sorry well who's coming up next up is Rachel she's gonna help us with her mental health thank god today's episode of

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bachelor and understood the assignment honey marrying her pig brian in 2019 most importantly we're here to support her all of our book nerds all of the lady gang book clubs she's got a brand new book miss me with that it's available now we need to go support this woman we need her on the top of the charts a collection of essays and some hard truths about life and we're going to get to that please welcome to the lady gang a true original rachel and lindsey oh my gosh what an introduction thank you guys so much i'm so excited to be here thank you we are so thrilled to have you. Yes. And I wish that everybody could see what she arrived in. The three of us are just schlubby and like disgusting. And she's working it in a sheer like blouse with a black, sexy bra.

It is, it's a dream for the eyes. Really is. I thank you so much. So my entire press tour that was supposed to be in New York is virtual. And I was like, you know what, this was supposed to be like for something that was late at night. And I said, you know what? I'm bringing it to the lady gang. You know, I can't do this for morning TV. Who deserves it? The lady gang, their listeners. I just, that's what I'm bringing to this. I'm also wearing a bralette. It's a little less sexual on Kelty. It's under a pajama made of velour, but live your life. Okay. So Rachel, the last time I saw you in person, it was supposed to be the end of the pandemic we were working and we're at the vax live concert at sofi stadium this last time i

worked a red carpet and the last i'm you've done a million since then but um and we were beside each other and i the book had already been announced and i was like oh my god i'm so excited about your book how's it going and you're like i'm so it's not done this is way harder than i thought it was gonna be i have to turn it in like this week i got 96 jobs so the fact that we're here today means you finished, but the process of writing a book like this is so intense, right? Yes. And I like to be very honest all the time. I absolutely had a ghost writer help me write this book. And I just kind of want to normalize that a bit because I don't want to pretend like I can do it all. I can do multiple jobs because I have help from so many different

people. And shout out to my ghost writer, who's I guess not a ghost because I keep talking about her. Sophia Quintero. Amazing. We clicked from the beginning. We would have these long, beautiful conversations. Sometimes I wish our conversations could actually be a part of the book because we were just there to uplift each other, encourage one another. And it just made everything flow with the book. She challenged me. She pushed me to open up. I learned from her. I think she would say the same thing, vice versa. And so the process though, was all of that, but so much more. We started this book in 2020. I'd been approached in 2017, right after the show to write a book, but honestly, I didn't feel like I had that much to say. And I'm glad I did it because I think I

still had a bit of the rose colored glasses on coming off the show. I was still in a bubble, still on a high. I wasn't raw enough yet. I was still under contract, you know, like what kind a book can I write under contract? You know what I mean? And so I, I wanted to take my time to do it. And so in 2020, I decided to mainly because of what was going on. And I just felt like I had more to say and things that had happened in bachelor nation. Never did I think, you know, that interview would happen in 2021, which just added essays to the book, but that was the perfect time to start. And so with Sophia's help, we would write, I already had an outline. I already knew would I want it, the chapters, which turned into essays to be, but working with her, she really

brought it out of me in a whole other way. And we would talk, we would record, she transcribed, we'd go back and forth. You guys know the process. I mean, come on, you're bestsellers, you know. Well, it's interesting that you say that because one thing that Becca always talks about when we go to write, we wrote our last book. We have another book coming in the fall is, you know, people are like, well, you're a public person. Like you made out with people on the hot tub on television. And like, you guys have a podcast where you talk about farts, like writing a book isn't scary, but there's something different when it's a book and it's written down forever and everyone can hold those words to you. Did you feel that pressure? Oh my gosh. I didn't sleep

last night. I mean, mainly because I had to get up at two in the morning, but also because I was so anxious. I was like, it's here. We've been talking about this for almost a year at this point. it's here. I can't turn back. My family's going to see it. My family hasn't read it yet. You know, Brian hasn't read it yet. I've talked to some of my exes. Their names are changed. They're going to be in the book. There are things that I say about people in Bachelor Nation, and I just became really overwhelmed. Also, I say things about me and I felt like that was necessary because I wanted people to see another side of me, but then I wanted people to be able to relate to me. I don't think the Bachelorette is relatable. Let's just be honest. But I think

I am if you get to know me in real life. And so being so vulnerable and talking about the hot mess that I was, and I still am at times, the ups and downs that I had, the struggles of insecurities that I still deal with, a lack of self-worth, finding love in other people and other situations, it's all in there. And even questioning my identity at times is in there as well. So I really wanted this to be something you learn about me, but then also something people can take for themselves. That's why I wanted essays. So you can jump around, come back to it, or just, you know, like from time to time, go to a certain essay that resonated with you. Was there like a certain essay that you kind of like went back and forth with, like,

should I put it in the book? I took it out. I put it back in. I took it out. I'm scared for this person to read it. Like, was there anything like that that you struggled with either keeping out or putting in? Yeah. Well, one, I did that on one and it did not make the book. It was about friends. And I was just like, no. And then friendships. And then the one that did make it, it's called the Miss Sex Education of Rachel Lindsay. And I grew up in a very strict religious household where we still don't talk. I'm 36 and I'm married and we still don't talk about sex. And I start off talking about my sexual education and how it was under a minute. and the story of what my mom did. I know that she's going to feel a certain way about it. I

talked to them a little bit about it over Christmas, which was an interesting holiday this year. But we worked through it. We had conversations we never had before, but writing it, it was like, do I want to tell this side? I kind of have to tell a little bit about my parents. I don't want to tell their story. I'm talking about losing my virginity. Never mentioned that before. My mom over Christmas is like, well, I assumed you had, she's like, well, I assumed you weren't, but we never talked about it. I talk about losing it. I talk about how it was not what it had been hyped up to be. And then I deal with the guilt and the shame of no one to turn to. The message was the same at school, church, family, even in some friend groups. And then because I didn't

value myself the same way, I just kind of became kind of, that's, that was my first word after my losing my virginity. I remember looking up and going like, that was it. That's okay. And I just talk about the issues I have with the way we glorify losing your virginity. And, you know, we make it seem so magical. And so when it happens and it's not that way, it just, it, it's like a bubble burst. And so you see me kind of challenge religion in this essay, which again, is hard for me to do. I'm not losing it. I'm challenging it. I'm questioning certain things. And at the end, there's a lesson in it, which is at the end of every essay. That one was tough.

Well, I feel like that's so that's so much of it that's relatable. There are so many women who are raised either with religious families or just with parents who didn't know how to talk about it. So they didn't. I think that this generation of women and especially women in in the public eye, you almost have no excuse but to be at least a little bit open with those conversations. but it's doing such a service to the women that are growing up right now. So I commend you for doing that. Cause it's also not easy to do either because I imagine the backlash is not, it's not

light. Yeah. And more so in my circle, but then I literally got a message right before I got on that. My mom was like, I'm so proud of you. I was like, Oh my gosh, not embarrassed, not ashamed, which are the words I thought that might be used. She said she was proud of me. And that means everything. You know, at 36, I still want my parents approval and you know, their love. And I don't want them to feel like I'm disrespecting them, but I felt this essay, this story, this lesson was bigger than me. So I think that's, what's great about this book is it's not just you're learning about me. I feel like there's something we can all learn or relate to. Well, I had a very similar situation happen just this weekend. So I'm glad you brought this up.

You had sex and you went, eh? well that's every time is it i mean kind of i was watching yellowstone and the guy and the girl i don't know if you guys watch it but the guy and the girl on their tub and they were having like hot sexual scene i was with my husband and i've been like literally like i i really hadn't had sex in like a couple weeks like i've now it's like was really bad as a very dry spell and i was watching it was like super long i'm watching it he's watching i know that we're both thinking about like our sexless marriage and um and then and then last night i was in the tub um and i was like oh maybe chris will get in the tub but i realized that i had set out a plate of giant

nachos with cheese and salsa and a seltzer and three magazines and i was like this is not the same so i'm glad that you're like opening up uh very important and you know okay that's very relatable there you go i think we've all been there before where you're like and this is this is my question i you know i think that you i mean obviously your relationship is under so much pressure because you guys met you fell in love the way you fell in love but you you're you're married now but you're married where like no one's trying to televise your wedding you're married where you it's not the cover of us weekly that you guys are together like you're a few years into regular life although i suppose with covid like it's not that regular but you know how do you

keep it together now that sort of the sparkle of that like your relationship getting together it wasn't just butterflies because you met the love of your life it was like america's butterflies yeah right well we never really had the approval of vast nation because everybody wanted me to pick peter so it was always kind of us against the world which i think yeah yeah yeah it wasn't you know listen in the moment i was i was very into him obviously we saw the season but i made the best decision for me i knew what i was doing at the end of the day now 10 years if that had been 10 years earlier i probably would have chosen peter that's in the book oh my god i love that But, but I, um, I, yeah, for us, we kind of felt like everyone was against us.

And so we just removed ourselves immediately from the spotlight, moved back to Dallas because I was still working. Brian moved there for me and we just surrounded ourselves with the people who knew us before all of this. And that was the best thing that we could do because we created such a strong foundation and immersed ourselves in the real world. We weren't trying to perform for bachelor nation or perform for social media or do what we thought people wanted to see. We were just us. And I remember people were complaining. They were like,

can y'all post more? Can you do more? We want to see you. And we were just kind of like, no, we're, we're living life. So once we did that and we stripped away that, that pressure you feel of everyone wanting to see you be a couple in such a public way, because they met you in a public way we were like good we just started doing things that everyday people do we kind of were boring to be honest with you we weren't good tv we weren't good social media we were just living life and then other than the regular things supporting each other encouraging each other making sacrifices we have moved back and forth for each other brian moved to dallas for me and when i quit practicing law i moved to miami for him and then i had a better opportunity in la

and he shut his practice down and moved here to LA. And that's, we're going to stay here for a while. We're going to settle, but yeah, it's just really having each other's backs, being a partner. And I think that, that, that really, the early success of creating that strong foundation, I think is what has helped us so much. And it's so funny probably looking back on that because when you're in the moment, you were probably just like, I don't understand like why everybody is wanting this other thing for me. But like at the end of the day, it ended of being such a blessing because it kind of let you just focus on yourself and your relationship and not have to worry about all everything else is just such bullshit right no it really is it

really is and each year I have learned that lesson more and more and more every year I'm like okay this is it everything's gonna calm down and then bam something else happens I think this though is the year it will there's no way in hell because i know who your boss is and i know i i have been in the trenches um and you are working morning and i i am so surprised that you have time to do even the other podcast and all the other things that you're doing while being with extra like i i've been on that grind like i how the what is your time management like i know you have an assistant, but like what? Yes. I, well, I'm on fumes all the time. Honestly, this year has been a little wild because I always do something at the beginning of the year with, with the foundation

that supports teachers that I got COVID. So that set me back like two, I have been to work since the first week of January. Like, I don't even know if my, my desk is still there at this point. And now I'm on a book tour. So that's kind of given me a little bit of a break. But for me, I had the podcast before I started extra. So there were certain things in place that allowed me to continue to do other things, but I don't, I'm just having so much fun. So I just make it happen. I make it work. Is it weird to be a celeb around celebrities? Like I always think it was fine for me because I was like a nobody and I was like, Oh, hi celebrity. But like, you're a super famous person. So is it weird when you're at a red carpet? Obviously if Julia Roberts is there,

you're like, it's cool. But like, if you're more famous than the person you're interviewing, You're like, I'm Rachel Lindsay. And like, I've never watched the mic, your teen mom eight. Like, you know, like, is that ever weird? No, I don't do, I don't consider myself famous like that by any means. And I think the reason is because I didn't watch the bachelor before. So I would know me walking down the street. So that's a really great way to humble yourself because I don't think anybody knows me because I would know me. So I'm always shocked when someone says something Like I was doing an interview one time and Christian Slater goes, Rachel, and I'm thinking he's reading the screen and I'm like, Hey, and he's like, love you been rooting for you

watch with my wife. And I was like, Christian Slater, are you kidding me? You know who I am? Like that, those kinds of moments shock me, you know, where they geek out. Like I was trying to interview Topher Grace and he wouldn't stop asking me questions. Like he kept flipping it and was like, you know, man, my wife, Ashley, we, so those, they take me by surprise, which are fun. They're fun moments, but no, I never get caught up in anything.

I don't think people know who I am. Well, I think it's interesting. And this is something that you, I mean, your rise has been challenging. And so I think this is something that you cover in the book really, really well. And a lot of times when celebrities write these kinds of books, they shy away from the shit that you really want them to talk about. And you get to the end of the book and you're like, oh, that's great. But like, she didn't talk about that.

And I think that's, what's great about this book. Um, and I guess the question is like, I think when you're young, you grow up and you're like, I want to be smart. I want to be successful. And then you get into show business and you're like, okay, I want to be successful in this, but I don't think anyone grows up and they want to be like, I want to be polarizing. Like, I can't wait till when I grow up and I'm super polarizing and you have faced so much, especially over the last few years in your career. You know, I, I just, I have a lot of respect for you and how you've been able to have, keep your chin up during this public opinion of you. What has been your secret other than the stepping away from Instagram, which was amazing. Like, why did you

even come back? But like, how do you just, how do you, I could never deal with it. How do you, well, how do you navigate, even though anyone in their right mind knows that you we're a hundred percent in the right position and you, you know what I mean? It's like, but it doesn't make it easy because not everybody is going to feel that way. And so how do you go about navigating it? Also, I want to know, is there ever a moment where you're like, I definitely didn't sign up for this part. Like this just came out of left field and I'm handling it like to us, it seems like a champ, but they can't be easy. No. And so the first part I will say is how do I navigate it and handle it? I can't help myself. And I, and one of the things

also is that I have to be true to myself. So when I go home at the end of the day and no one's around me, am I comfortable with how I responded to something with how I handled a certain situation? If I, if I, because you'll see me in the book, when I say I struggle with identity is that obviously I'm a black woman, but I went to a predominantly white school my entire life from preschool all the way to graduation. A lot of times I've been the only black person in a situation I'm used to that, but it's hard as a kid when black people tell you you're not black enough,

but you look in the mirror and you're like, well, then what am I? You know, just because I go to school with people that don't look like me or people would tease me because of the way I talk or what my parents did. And then to go to school and felt, felt like I had to water myself down to conform. Not necessarily that everyone made me feel that way. That's just the pressure I felt to be accepted because I wasn't getting accepted from another group of people. So once I got through that and past that, it's like, I never want to

be in a situation where I'm pretending to be somebody that I'm not. I never want to have regrets about how I respond to a certain situation. So that's why I say I can't help myself. And that drives me because at least at the end of the day, I was true to me no matter what anyone else thinks. And I remember one time Kris Jenner said to me, she was like, I was talking to her about the criticism and the hate. And she was like, oh, that's just somebody on their couch in the middle of Iowa. Shout out to all your Iowa listeners. This is no shade. But she's like, it's just in the middle who has nothing better to do than be on their phone all day and who feels miserable in their own being and is like coming attacking you. And I was like,

she's right. Why am I getting so caught up in something people are saying that they don't know me or saying about me? They don't have no idea who I am. I don't know who they are. Why am I trying to prove myself to someone I don't even know? Just stay on track, be you and be true to yourself. So that's how I really get through it. As a mindset, I talk to myself all the time. I encourage myself. Like literally you can catch, if you look closely, you can always catch me talking to myself. And it's usually a word of encouragement. I meditate. I pray. I exercise. I wish I journaled more. I don't. I talk to like family and friends who knew me before all of this just to reset and release. All those little things just help me get through it. But I guess

also the way I do things is based in passion and purpose. I'm not doing it to be famous. I, I damn sure I'm not doing it for followers. Cause I lose those every single time I speak out, you know, I'm not doing it for the cloud. I'm doing it because there's a purpose behind it. And that's how I navigate it as well. Like I know exactly what I'm doing. And to your other question, you said, is there ever a time when you're like, I think you said something like, that's not the way you saw it going. Like the moment in time. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, obviously the aftermath from that interview with Chris, I was, you guys know, we, we interview people and you never know what's going to come out of the other person's mouth, but you're obviously going

to do your research and ask the most relevant question of the moment. And that was it. I would have asked anyone that from bachelor nation, never in my wildest dreams that I think I would get that response. And then it would pick up the way that it did. I knew it would go viral once it happened, but I didn't think that the women of Matt James's season would speak out. And then the men of Clarentasia and then Chris would apologize and then get removed from the finale and then everything else that happened after. Nor did I expect every media outlet to pick it up. And then for my name to get affiliated with cancel culture. That's when things took a turn where I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What's happening here? And I've got like Ben Shapiro tweeting at me

every week and talking about me on his podcast. And it was just getting out of control that I could have never predicted or expected, or just when people like turn on me for me speaking, how something made me feel, you know, there was a controversy last year, actually two years ago at this point with Hannah singing the song. And I just simply spoke about why that word cuts so deep, not an attack. And immediately I'm in the wrong, you know? So moments like that, it's, it's just wild. Like I never would think, okay, this is the way this is going to go, but I don't regret the way I acted in the moment. Well, and when you just spoke about how you sort of approach everything as being true to yourself and the way that you would speak in every single

arena, no matter who your audience is, is going to be the same. That's why you handled that whole conversation so well, because you weren't trying to accommodate who you were speaking to, who was listening. It was just you and your genuine, your truth. And that's why you crushed it for lack of a better word. And there's something from the book that I pulled out a quote that I really like. And, and before we go to our next section, I want to say, I like, I really like this line and it stood with me. It's like, contrary to popular belief, the best gift I received was not a wedding ring. It's the permission I gave myself to be imperfect. What does that mean to you. Well, a lot of people say to me that I should be grateful. The bachelor gave me everything. It

changed my life. And then it's like, okay, well, how many contestants have come through the show? How many leads have we had? And not everybody's doing what I'm doing. And I don't say that in a cocky way. That's just the case. I mean, come on, Kelsey, you can say the same thing. Not everybody's doing, it's not, it's, you don't get a pass just because you've been on reality TV. You have to put in work. I tell a story of how I was rejected right when I got off the show that checked me and humbled me. And I am so glad I got that. No, I mean, knocked me out really. Um, cause I didn't realize how cocky I was being until that moment. And I don't want to say it cause I want people to read it. Cause I just learned a really, I learned a really valuable

lesson from it. But, um, Oh, I was like, what was I saying? So that was more of a challenge to the people who are like this, the show gave you everything, you know, you, it changed your life. you should be grateful. How dare you say things? And it's like, I'm not saying things to tear the show down. I don't think the show should end. I have too many friends that work on that show. I would never want to see them lose their jobs. I just want it to change for the better. That's it. That's all. That's the only place I've ever lived in. But the show, I made something of myself. The show didn't make me. The show gave me a platform. The show gave me an opportunity. And I took that opportunity and I made something of it. That's what that line is. That is directed

to people who act like the bachelor created me. No, no, no, no. I was 31 when I came on the bachelor. I lived a whole life and some before my life didn't start the day I exited out of that limo to church, to church. All right. A new chapter, just a new chapter. We are, we are having Rachel fix our lives in a very interesting way. Uh, when we come back Today's episode of Lady Gang is brought to you by Shopify. So I have basically had an e-commerce business for the past 15 years. And let me tell you, when I started using Shopify, it was such a game changer. So Shopify gives entrepreneurs the resources once reserved for big businesses.

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trial and get full access to Shopify's entire suite of features. Grow your business with Shopify today. Go to shopify.com slash lady gang right now. That's shopify.com slash lady gang. If you've ever gone to the lady gang.com, then you've gone to a Squarespace website. I know you see the ads everywhere, but I'm here to tell you that Squarespace is the bomb. If you have a huge business, an e-commerce business, just a personal blog, maybe your family blog, maybe you're doing a wedding thing. Squarespace can help you out. Head to squarespace.com slash lady for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use our offer code lady to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Some of those features that I love are the SEO features. They really

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better help wants to tackle some of the stigmas around mental health. We are ready to bust those stigmas because a lot of people think therapy is for other people, but utilizing therapy does not mean that something's wrong with you it means you recognize that all humans yes all humans have emotions and we need to learn to understand them not avoid them better help is so incredible you know we take care of our bodies by exercising we go to the doctor and we eat well to take care of our bodies we focus on investing in health and that includes our minds it's just as important so i want you guys to head over there it's so incredible better help is customized online therapy that offers video phone and even live chat sessions with your therapist so you don't

have to see anyone on camera if you don't want to it's much more affordable than in-person therapy and you can be matched with a therapist in under 48 hours give it a try and see why over 2 million people have used better help online therapy and lady gang listeners get 10 off their first month at betterhelp.com slash lady gang that's b-e-t-t-e-r-h-e-l-p.com slash lady gang you're listening to the lady gang all right so because we are celebrating your book miss me with that. It's available now, everyone. We need her to be the best seller. Please go buy this book at this moment to support your indie booksellers. But I think it's so interesting because you are sort of this, every woman, you, you have all these jobs, you're doing all of these things.

Um, and it feels like, even though I think you think you're doing it imperfectly, um, it feels like from the outside looking in that you have a pretty good handle on taking care of yourself. And so I wanted to get a couple of lessons from you that our listeners can take home with them, um, before they go out and pick up the book. So the number one thing is what do you do with your mental health? When you start feeling that like gnawing of anxiety, like something's coming and you can't sleep because you're just like really nervous about the outcome. Like last night came out like last. Okay. Do you know what I did last night? I'm really in the ASMR lately. It has been the only thing that sleep. Cause you know,

there's different types of ASMR. ASMR sleep is lately the thing that relaxes me the most. There's a girl that I love. I never even said her name. Her name is Simply Kel. I love her. I listened to all her, her videos. And last night I was feeling so anxious. I couldn't go to sleep. I'm into Ray Donovan right now. So I tried to watch that. That was a little too much, a little too intense. And then I was like, what am I doing? I'm just going to put on Simply Kel. and I was asleep, you know, instantly. So that just calms me down and relaxes me. That's my newest thing. But before that, I would count to 10 and just take a beat. I like to pinpoint what exactly it is that is making me feel overwhelmed and anxious and start

there. Like, how can I make myself feel better? How can I fix this situation? How can I remove myself from this situation? What is it that I need to do? That's something that I've done lately because that's therapy, like pinpointing the emotion, allowing yourself to feel the emotion, not running away from whatever is making me feel so anxious or stressed. So I do that because I don't always have the time to do what I would love to, which is meditate or go to a yoga class or go for a walk. Oh, walking is my favorite thing to do, especially with my dog. I put my AirPods in. I'm not listening to a thing. I just don't want anybody to talk to me. So I can always be like, huh? I can hear everything people are saying. I just want to connect with the outdoors,

especially cause you know, we're indoors so much these days. So yeah, those are my, that's what I would do if I had the time, but when I can't, it's counting, it's breathing, it's ASMR sleep. I'm so deep. Brian hates it. A deep breath can be very, very underrated. Um, you're on television every single day. Um, and I know it can be a real brain to see yourself on television or see yourself in photos or whatever. Um, what, what are some Rachel isms for your mental health when it comes to like, just feeling uncomfortable in your body? Ooh, that's a good one. I mean, one don't read comments that people have to say about your appearance. Cause I, I'm just so big about taking power and control over you. And so if you start to get caught up in what other

people's opinions are, so I don't even necessarily ask people like, how does this look? How do I look? I, if you get caught up in that, then you take that power away and you're giving someone else the power to define you and to make you feel valued and, and you know, that, that what you're worth or whatever it may be. And so I try not to do that. I just, again, I talk to myself. I'm like, oh, girl, you look good today. Or this is great. Or maybe if I am feeling a certain way, because we don't always feel our best, maybe I'm wearing sweats. Maybe I'm wearing an oversized sweater.

It makes me feel a little bit more comfortable. But I would just say I constantly, the main thing is encouraging myself, supporting and uplifting myself, not looking for validation in other people. Because that's never, in any aspect, is going to make you feel fulfilled. Nope. Okay. two more this is a really important one give us your rachelism for dealing with other fucking people i hate people uh i don't want friends i don't want people i would like to live which is so strange because i'm like a little bit of a public person but um

do you mean you're a little bit public meaning you call paparazzi on yourself but you also want to be a recluse yeah like when i leave the house i'd like you to take my picture but i'm only leaving the house twice a year. Yeah. Like exactly like that, but dealing with other people, you come across a lot of different people in your life and not all of them are the bowl of Cheerios for you. And so what do you do when, you know, it's as easy as like, we were talking about this on another podcast. Like, I'm sure you're getting this all the time, Rachel. It's like when people are like asking when you're having a baby and you're like, Oh yourself, like, how are you dealing with people that are, I mean, they're so involved in your shit.

don't also acknowledge like that there are boundaries and maybe go beyond what is a comfortable boundary without being a bitch to them like we are yeah so i don't i don't deal with them like i don't like whether i say you out loud or i'm saying it within i just don't can deal with people and i think that that's even more so when i first came off the show i used to clap back at everyone they were like oh she's a clap back queen i was like i was like oh i got a good one for this one. And then I was, I was never satisfied. Also that's just, you know, like brought on more. And I was like, I can't keep up. I got other stuff to do. I can't be on social media all day. Um, or always giving a comment about something. So I just learned to,

I just don't, I just don't deal with it. I just surround myself with people whose opinions I care about, who I love, who I trust, who I value and everybody else can like go themselves. Miss me. I was going to say, go yourself. But then I was like, Oh, this is a perfect opportunity to plug the book. No, seriously. You can miss me with that. I'm so at a place where I'm just like, I'm not going to give it any attention, which I think cuts people even more deeply. Because if I, if I respond in an angry way, then they know that they got, they got an emotion or a reaction for me. But if I give you nothing, it's as almost if I didn't even see you, like I'm above it all. recently you know i just i just i recently came up with this motto for myself and you're obviously

living it and it's like nothing i never regret not engaging i sometimes regret clapping back or commenting or blocking even but i never regret just literally never engaging so it's like meredith marks that's how that's somebody had to say it i'm just gonna disengage disengage i'm a housewife I mean, guys, I could spend a whole nother hour. It works. It really is because it just you keep your power entirely 100% to yourself. Well, and for you, that's probably I had to learn. It was like the biggest full circle kind of a moment going from being like so involved in it to being like, I literally didn't see this at all. And isn't it such validation when people are so mad or so bothered or want to know why you're not doing something when you said you were going to

do this or whatever. And you're just moving on about your day, steady, killing it, accomplishing goals, getting things done. And they're just over there mad. And as they say, you know, you're just living rent free in their head. Like what a sad place to be. And when you start thinking of it that way, it just becomes comical. I don't know. Maybe I'm a little evil. little laugh at it. It's great. Lala Kent was on our podcast recently and similar to a Chris Jenner, the way that she like talks about the people that are writing her so much hate and hating on her and social media. She said something along the lines of, I'm sorry about you sitting on your dead lawn. Like I can't remember the quote exactly, but it was like, she painted the picture

of this person on their dead lawn with a warm beer on a Friday night. Like, I'm sorry, you're not me and so it's like oh my god just that's all i think of now when i get a hater is a dead lawn dude sucks to suck a sad pitiful life a sad pitiful existence so symbolic yeah i always say i always say you have to get good at being the villain in someone else's story and like you're gonna be regardless i don't want to be a villain but like i'm the bad guy um listen rachel has many more press outlets to do her brand new book miss me with that is out now higher learning podcast uh wherever you get your podcast and make sure you follow the rachel lindsey on instagram support her love her send her something nice if you send her something mean she's gonna disengage

um i'm so excited for the book congratulations what a huge undertaking that is birthed into the world we're so happy and thanks for making time for us and we will see you next tuesday thanks for listening the lady gang is produced by alex ingber steve delameter and jared monaco Make sure you subscribe, rate, and review our podcast. And if you love it, share it with your friends on social media like, Oh my God, I just listened to Lady Gang. This episode's so great. Swipe up to listen.

And if you really want to, which we know you do, please follow us on social at Kelty, at Becca, at Jack Vanek, and at the Lady Gang. Sign up for our newsletter at theladygang.com and join our secret Facebook group. It's super fun. See you next Tuesday. See you next Tuesday. stop wasting your nights on a mattress that doesn't get you experience the most comfortable mattress in the world the sleep number smart bed at the touch of a button you can personalize your

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