LadyGang - Ryan Murphy

Episode Date: February 28, 2017

Ryan Murphy joins the LadyGang, and brings some mind-blowing motivation and inspiration with him! This is a conversation for the ages that will leave you ready to take on the world & kick its ass! You'll also be counting down the minutes to the debut of his latest amazing TV series, "Feud" (March 5th on FX). Plus, find out why the story of Bette Davis & Joan Crawford was so important for Ryan to tell, what hard lesson he learned on "Glee," and why he always "leans into the yes!" #FXFeud #FightThePower See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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figs.com and use code figs ca for 15 off your first order that's where figs.com code figs ca hey guys it's your lady gang becca tobin kelty knight and jack vanek thanks so much for subscribing on iTunes. And thank you, thank you, thank you for supporting the great sponsors who make it possible for us to have this much fun with you for free every week. we're here hello kelty night wow we are ready across from me is kelty night entertainment journalist she's on a short time left okay we'll get to that uh to my right jack vanik clothing designer and ceo of jack vanik and i am becca tobin actress blogger stripper it girl it girl um i want to first say that our guest today is very exciting it's our collective good week which

we don't do often but no we don't we've never had it before we really haven't our collective good week is that ryan murphy we roofied him yeah we did and knocked him over the head and we dragged him over to podcast one and somehow we talked him into letting us interview him here's the thing about ryan is he's not in the room with us right now and so we can just let everyone know i mean he's a big deal he has created the most iconic television and movie like eat pray love got me through a deep breakup like i've been eating pasta during all my bad moments because julia roberts said it was okay like i mean he's a big deal and for him to come is just so incredible i mean he's a busy ass man so it's pretty cool and he's like the godfather of becca's little life i know which

is why i can only imagine that these next couple minutes next 50 ish minutes i'm gonna sound like a blubbering idiot and normally i'm so together but this is just someone who not only you know i I have admired so incredibly much, who I owe probably my house to and so much more. That's a good way of looking at it. But just such an incredible person in this industry that I still can't believe he's here. I'm so excited. Let's talk about our bad weeks, though. Okay, before we get positive.

Yeah, before we get all positive, I got to tell you what happened. So I'm at the damn airport, okay? You guys know how much I travel. I travel every damn day of my life. I've had used the same suitcase from Marshalls for this entire time. I am TSA pre. I take the same carry-on bag every time I fly. And P.S., I also take the same damn flight to New York on the same plane out of the same two airports, LAX and JFK.

So I'm at the airport. I'm rolling my bag through TSA pre, and the guy stops me and is like, hey, hey, we got to check that bag. And I was like, oh, no, no, sir. This is my, like, third flight this week. This bag is always okay. and he's like you got to put that carry on in the sizer and i'm like the sizer are you serious right now yeah you do i don't think it fits so the bag fits 100 i have a photo as proof in the sizer the only thing that doesn't fit in the sizer and yes i'm talking with my hands in a big motion jack

van going insane is the freaking wheels so the whole bag is in the sizer and then the four wheels are just like poking out of like the metal part and he's like doesn't fit the wheels and i was like are you serious right now dude like the bag fit it's just the wheels he's like this is the sizer and this is the wheel so that asshole made me check my damn bag oh and you know how i feel about checking a bag it's so bleak not because i don't care about my like whatever my stuff gets stolen or whatever i don't care it's when you get to new york and you're exhausted and you have to stand there for an hour without a dunkin donuts in sight just waiting for your bag i could already be at my hotel i was pissed wow so are you gonna get a new bag or no you're just gonna i'm just

gonna like butter test your luck yeah test my luck i feel like out of 300 flights this happened but you're such a rule follower that's weird here's also the thing i wanted to break the rules the universe didn't let me look even our producer stacy has a look of shock i would have broken the rules i would have been like you're gonna still break the rules the wheels doesn't make anyway I'm sorry that you're allegedly I broke the rules by having this bag I don't believe it are you ready for my bad week yeah I'm at the gas station I pull up I put the pump in the car and I'm about to go sit back in my car and this woman pulls up to the pump next to me and she stops me and she's like um excuse me I I'm I'm just trying to get like two miles away I just need like a little

bit of gas can you can you help me out and i was like conflicted well no i just i i i wanted to help her but i felt weird about i had never taken like the nozzle out of my car to then fill up to another person's car do you know what i mean like oh yeah that felt illegal i don't know if that is illegal but i was like in my mind i thought i'll just give her some cash yeah to fill up her car right um and so i have like a ten dollar bill in my wallet and i'm thinking okay there you go so i give it to her and she's like thank you thank you so much i'm trying to go get to my daughter um it's really close this helps me so much and in my mind i'm thinking i'm glad that i'm not one of those assholes who just doesn't help other people no matter what i'm a case by case basis right

and evaluate she then proceeds to take the ten dollar bill put it in her pocket get in her car shut up no what what freaking bitch no that's why you don't help people that's why you don't help people because that's why you get to reputable charities online and you save your cash for yourself but i'm wondering if i had just filled up her gas tank like that was stupid on my part it's like when people say i'm hungry can you feed me give them food not money because they're gonna buy heroin because who knows but i got that sandwich i got duped and uh i'm ten dollars poorer that's yeah so i don't help people yeah well i stopped doing it okay my bad week um this weekend i was in venice having a little day drinking as i do every weekend or every day

and i'm ordering i ordered a glass of rose i'm sitting at the bar and i hear this person in back of me and they're like hey do you want a pipe and i was like what and as i turn around looking who asked me to buy his pipe a pipe gets shoved into my mouth what you guys have crazy lives this man shoves no weed pipe into my mouth and tries to light it and what'd you do i spit it out gross had it been used yes ew it was this guy it was like some like hippy dippy like venice no crusty guy you're gonna get a cold sore next week oh god don't even say that bar oh my god do you get cold sores uh i got them when i was a kid oh well then you already have it Yeah, you already have it, so you're fine.

But yeah, it was disgusting, and now I have some slobber from some nasty, crusty hippie on my lips. All right, well. We had a bad week. Thank God Ryan Murphy's here. Thank God. Bring us up. Bring it on. Now back to the Lady Gang.

You guys are in for it today. Our guest today basically runs Hollywood, creating, co-creating, producing popular shows like popular Nip, Tuck, Glee, American Horror Story, The New Normal, Scream Queens, American Crime Story. And has a brand new show called Feud, which premieres March 5th. He actually started his career doing what I do, who's a journalist. So he is totally judging me right now as I read this introduction. He is also the mastermind behind some of our favorite movies ever. He directed Eat, Pray, Love and The Normal Heart, which literally I had to take a whole year to recover from all my tears. He is so relevant that he doesn't even have a profile picture on his Twitter.

It is just an egg and everyone still knows exactly what he looks like. plus his projects have won all kinds of awards and he's also a daddy honestly i know you always say when we read on the internet you have the same amount of hours as beyonce but that is bullcrap because queen b has nothing on this man please welcome to the lady gang ryan effing murphy hello hi guys we can't believe you're here i'm here you're so famous it's crazy i want to add to that intro that he also popped my tv cherry that's right the first man to hire me on television. Yes. Yes. Um, we're so excited you're here. So we're going to start with some of the lady gang questions. We ask every person that comes by. The first one is what has been your ish

moment? What is, I mean, you've had a lot, but what has been the moment that just touched your soul and you thought I have officially made it? Gosh, you know, I've had so many of those. I look back at my life sometimes and I literally feel like I've met every person I ever wanted to meet, which is interesting to say. I would say the one moment that I've had in my entire career that was bat crazy was I went to Paris once at the invitation of Catherine Deneuve because she had watched Nip Tuck and she wanted to be on that crazy show. And I was like, you've got to be kidding me. So I jumped on a plane, literally I jumped on a plane eight hours after she asked me because I thought she would pull the invitation back.

And I flew to Paris, and I sat in a bar, chain-smoking and drinking with Catherine Deneuve for like three hours. That was kind of a great moment for me. It was very early on in my career. And then I've had other ones since then. To walk into a room and have Meryl Streep know who you are is bizarre. That's insane. You know, a full-circle thing, but it's about feud.

But I got to spend four hours with Bette Davis before she died. I had been writing her fan letters since I was 10. Which is crazy. I've had many of them. You know, I've had the President of the United States to my house twice. The first time as a recently married man, and the last time was right before he left office, he came into my house. And I have two children. My four-year-old met him at the door with a hand-painted sign that he had made.

Oh, my gosh. And with no prodding whatsoever from me, said, Mr. President, thank you for your service. And I literally almost fainted from pure pride. I mean. So those are probably, I have so many of them. And people have always been so nice to me. But the last one was when Logan met Barack Obama and said that. That I was kind of like, well, I've come a long way from like a picked on gay kid in Indiana, you know.

But this is what's so crazy to me is that I watch you have success after success after success in Hollywood, and you would think it's all of these people on stage being like, Ryan Murphy, you changed my life, holding a gold award of some sort. All of these big moments that you think are so important for you, it's these things of sitting with your idol or getting the phone call or being proud of your child. That's pretty cool, and that's probably why you're so successful is that everyone's striving to get that thing, the award, the clout. but you're like the other things feed you which is kind of cool yeah i mean i think about that all the time i think about my life and how lucky i am and you know in many ways you know i was a strange weird child growing up in a very republican red state you know i was an altar boy and i was gay and grew up there and not only that i grew up in the age of aids you know and so i thought at the age of 18, well, you're not going to get to live very long because you, you know,

you hear on the news that if you're gay, you're going to die. So you better do all of your dreams to make everything come true. I messed up thinking about it. So I have lived my life from that point of view, which is, you know, who knows how much time you have. You probably don't have a lot. So anything that you want to do, anything you want to say, you need to, uh, take some risks and go for it so i love that and we're a weird way it was a blessing to have that sort of you know thing around you and people always write that about my work as if it's a bad word they use that word prolific prolific prolific prolific and i wish i could say uh that's because i thought i was going to die this was the ultimate pressure cooker ultimate pressure kick cooker that i i

somehow was very fortunate that i did not die um but it comes from that place so i i never take anything for granted what has been your hollywood heartbreak it's hard to imagine that with all these successes that you ever get told no or something fails has there been a time where it didn't go your way and your heart was broken and you thought i am done with this hollywood bull crap i'm leaving i have a lot of those people don't remember them or talk about them with me but i have a lot of really big moments like that um i've had many of them you know i i did a but The long story short of that is, you know, when I talk to young people, I tell them these stories that right after I did Nip Tuck and I thought I was, you know, the hot patootie and flying high and I thought I could get anything I wanted made. And I could kind of.

And I chose in 2005 to make a television pilot called Pretty Handsome. And it was sort of like Transparent but 10 years earlier. And it was Joseph Fiennes played a gynecologist who realized he was a woman and had been battling this his entire life. and it was a really good show and I really put a lot of heart into it and I believed in it so much and it turned out great and I turned it into the network and they said wow this is very powerful we love it and we can't get it on the air I said what are you talking about and they said we we don't think we can sell advertising for this and I was really really devastated and you know I understood it you know because I'm a business person too but it hurt a lot and from that I

licked my wounds for like two weeks. And then I said, well, okay, I want to do something equally as challenging. And from that crushing disappointment came glee. That was the next thing I did. And I wrote that as an answer to, okay, well, they think dark pained dealing with sexual identity is too much. I'm going to do a musical about apple cheek kids in Ohio. No. And I've had many of them. The same thing. The new normal was, you know, a half hour show that was loosely based on my life. It was about two gay guys having a child, um, with a surrogate ran for a year, wasn't picked up. That was upsetting and hard. And it was also upsetting and hard to, you know, the network executives who loved it, but couldn't get it going. Um,

but from that came the normal heart. So what I always tell people is your darkest moments of pain and rejection, if you can just get still enough to let it land and feel it and try and understand what it was about and move forward comes great things. And all of the great things in my career have always come from terrible crushing blows and disappointments and slaps across the ass. You know, I've always felt that. So now when I get a failure or now when I get something that's not working, I'm like, Hmm, okay, wait six months. Let's see what comes from that. I try not to internalize it because you guys know show business is like a really difficult life. And I see so many of my peers who just get so destroyed by rejection. And I, I never really

have again, because I thought I was going to die. So I'm like, okay, what was I supposed to learn from this? But you know, that's what it is. So the girls make fun of me because I'm like the real cheesy third blonde basic girl in this group and i love a mirror message so at my office at work the girls have come by it says like be so good they can't ignore you and like every day i'm like brushing my teeth and i have all my mirror messages do you have a mirror message if it's not up on your mirror it's okay but like do you have like a personal mantra like best advice quote that you always think i do yes i knew you were one i knew you were like me mine is a bizarre one though and i have written this on my mirror sometimes oh my actual mirror message but it's with like

chapstick or something that doesn't really work so it's not as embarrassing when people use your bathroom you have to like really like go to the side to see what it really says my word that i have clung to since i was a young child was the word yes yes it only takes one yes to change your life. It only takes one yes to rewire your brain. And no matter how many no's you get, if you just keep going, the odds are that you will get a yes. And I try and lean into yes. And yes is about everything to me. It's about challenging yourself, not listening to people tell you you're bad or you can do better. It's just about whatever that word is to you. but I lean into that word a lot.

It's my go-to word, and it's little things. It's not just about career or family. It's about, well, yes, I would like fresh flowers on my desk to see every day. Yes, that's an optimistic thing. Yes, I do little things like that. I try and populate my life with many, many yeses and not so much pay attention to the no's. That might be called narcissism, by the way,

But I believe in that. Let's just call Lena the S. But I think it's hard. I think one of the things about show business is that there are so many people, either they don't like your work or they're jealous of your work and they're trying to get ahead of you, that everyone's kind of trying to claw you down. And you have to believe in yourself. Yeah. Because like my mama said, if you don't think that it's going to happen for you, well, no one else is clapping for you. You have to prove everyone wrong by being successful on your own.

I'm really glad that I did not have social media at the start of my career because I would not have made it. And I remember halfway through Glee, you know, everybody was like, get on, get on, you know, Twitter, get on Twitter, get on Twitter. And at that point, I guess I had lived my life in some form of oblivion in that I had only been judged when the show premieres. And then there was a rash of reviews and then like, OK, that's it. And then that's all you were reviewed for. Yeah. So you would just sort of grit your teeth and lean into the wind for that one or two weeks. And then you would get 50 other weeks of the year to live your life. That's not the case anymore. It's like a daily report card. And I feel bad for young creative people because how do you,

how do you create when everyone is telling you you're, you suck. And a lot of times it's just pure jealousy or it's pure envy. It's not real, you know, it's hard. It is. When we come back, We're going to talk about Ryan's new show, which I spoke to Susan Sarandon about, and she told me something very interesting about Ryan after this break. Uh-oh. Okay, what's going on? Now, here's the lady gang. All right, we are back.

Ryan has a brand new show, so I know that you're having a hard time because your DVR is already full of his shows, but you have one more to add to the list. I saw Susan Sarandon at a charity event. She told me she was working on this project and that it had been, and I quote, a very long time since she was this excited about acting that's good so i'm gonna let becca she's that this is inside the actor's studio with becca tobin she's gonna take it let's let's talk about the show because you have your choice of kind of what you're going to bring to the world so let's begin why did you start with this show why this story i have a really long version of this story i don't

know if you want the long version of the short person but the the medium version is this um i did a show called the people versus oj simpson and there was a very um celebrated episode in that episode six called marcia marcia marcia and i had felt very strongly that a woman should direct that episode and two weeks before we went to film it the woman who was going to direct it fell out and there was back and because she had to get an emergency surgery long story short i was like oh i know sarah so well i'll just step in and do it and i did it and it turned out great but at the end of that experience, I actually felt bad. I felt like guilty and like, what's wrong with you that you don't have all these great women on speed dial that you could say, you do it, go have fun,

do something great. And I didn't. And I was hiring, you know, 60, 75 directors a year. And I looked at that and I was sort of doing the median average, which was 15% of hires of women for those slots. Not great. Okay. Nobody was going to harass me or hassle me. and I just decided this is bad. I can do better. I've really screwed up. I failed. And I formed this foundation in my company called the half foundation. And the goal was from this moment forward, 50% of all the directorial slots in my company are women. And we're moving towards 50% of all the crew members are women. And that's just the way it is. Like if you come to me, that's the way it is in my company. But in doing that, I got to talk to a lot of women like

yourselves and taught them about women's issues and sexism and misogyny and, you know, gender wage gaps and on and on and on. And I started to be really angry about this topic, these various topics. And right then I started to work on this rough idea of a feud. Like, wouldn't it be fun to see a two-hander every week? And at first I was interested in the Michael Bennett feud with Tommy tune when they were doing Dreamgirls and Nine on Broadway, which is super gay, and I didn't do it. But then I remembered, wait a minute, I have owned this movie script since 2009. Brad Pitt and Dee Dee Gardner of Plan B and I bought the script about the making of whatever happened to Baby Jane, and Susan and Jessa were going to do it. We never could figure it out because

a two-hour movie was just not enough time. It was too superficial, and we didn't want to do anything campy. And I thought, wait a minute, what if we expanded this to eight hours and really leaned into the, um, female issues that you've been talking a lot to women about. So that's what we did. I called Jessica and Susan. They instantly said yes. And, um, I got it green lit in 30 seconds. I thought it would take years, but John Landgraf at FX is a very progressive programmer. And so we were off to the races and that's really what I leaned into when I made the show was you think you're watching some fun pop culture thing, which you are. I mean, there's handbag envy there's beautiful sets it's really dishy it's really fun but it's so painful because

the stuff that women are dealing with now are the exact same things that betty and joan were dealing with in 1962 and nothing has changed and we filmed half of it before the election we thought oh ha ha ha hillary's gonna win this feels like irony haven't we come so far and then she lost the election and here we are and suddenly what we were making was um much more current and political to all of us so it was a really interesting process that i really leaned into and surrounded myself with women the show has almost all of the production department heads are women it stars women there are 15 roles for women over 40 in this show so um it was an amazing experience when you saw the episodes today i watched the first three i need the rest immediately

but just as not just as an actress that's obviously spoke to me as a 31 year old actress who feels 800 years old and i have a black eye to prove it i had filler put in and i'm just just fighting father time so obviously like that struck a chord but it's it's so much more than that and i just felt like for women everywhere and our listeners are everywhere and they're They're not an entertainment necessarily, but it's so relevant in every industry and how, you know, this, it does seem like it's going to be funny, catty, catfight, whatever, but it's so much more than that. And, and what I really appreciated too, is that we get called out a lot of the time as women, when we have catfights or feuds with other women, that it's just us not being able to rise above it or being jealous. Um, but seeing this and seeing how everyone plays a part in these two women's lives and, and how they deal with it, it's like, it's this incredible story of survival and they're

forced to feud in a way. Yes. I think that was always interesting to me as you know, and I talked to Jessica and Susan about it as well. You know, Susan told me a story when she was making Thelma and Louise, you know, she and Gina Davis could not have gotten along better or be more unified. And Jessica and Susan were very unified in making Feud. But all the media wanted to write about was, you know, the cat fighting and the backstabbing.

And it's always been that way. And, you know, it happens now. Look at, like, Taylor Swift and, you know, Katy Perry. On and on and on and on. You never hear about the media writing about two men feuding. You never hear about, you know, Justin Bieber and his equivalent male feud. And what we really found in writing the show and working on the show is our culture in every form of life, in business, in Hollywood, no matter where you are in your community, there's always this sort of creation of the it girl, the one girl who is the popular girl, the pretty girl, the one who wins. And then what happens when you do that, you create a culture of a lot of other women, you know, saying, well, there's only one plate at a table for 10.

I got to get my plate. And then instead of being unified as women and minorities together, you end up with this backstabbing culture that's so insidious, many times created by men for the economic benefit of men. And that's what happened to Betty and Joan. Here were two women who were almost the same age, started off in the business pretty much the same time, had four marriages, single mothers. They should have been best friends, same astrological sign too. And yet they were pitted against each other by studio heads and directors their entire career. And the tragedy of that movie, if you look at whatever happened to Baby Jane, is they were both profit participants. So if they had both been out there on the road being friends, promoting their product together, the movie would have made more money.

They would have made more money. So it's just so sad. And there's a great last line in the movie where, you know, Bette Davis turns to Joan Crawford and says, you mean all this time we could have been friends? And we sort of really leaned into that line you saw was the end of episode three. And you're just heartbroken that they couldn't get around their own stuff. all of it which was in many ways beyond their control and become allies and i feel that maybe since the election with the woman's march i feel like the culture is maybe not changing but wants to change and i think there's a big difference and i feel like this show is about if anything

saying to women you're much more powerful together than you are apart and it's time to kick some ass and and you know i wish betty and joan were alive to see it i think they would like it i think they would have been like yeah we kind of screwed this one up and you know i like i said i interviewed betty davis right before she died and she kind of intimated to me as well that making fun of joan crawford was part of her brand and her myth so she kept that going but she felt great pain and regret that she had not figured it out and then joan was dead and that was it so i think it's a show also for young women because every woman has that um friendship that has gone awry and you look back and you have regrets and you're like, well, wait, why did that happen?

What were we even fighting about? We probably, it wasn't about each other. So it was a very dear thing, this show, and it brought many of us to tears as we were making it. It was very powerful and sad. I mean, you saw it. It's, it's really, and also Susan and Jessica are such world-class actresses that, you know, they love a good tragedy, those two.

So we leaned into it, but it's, it's moving. And I think it's pretty a universal idea behind it. I also laughed a lot. I was like laughing at one moment and then I'd get a gut punch in the next. And I, you know, and it is so beautiful to watch. And I also felt like it was an education on old Hollywood. And I feel like our listeners should know that you don't have to know anything about anything going into this, the history of it. And you, you learn through the story. And if anything, you go and you want to watch every single Joan Crawford, Betty Davis movie ever after seeing this. Yeah, that's what I loved about it was, you know, you get to create, you know, we start in 62, but we go back to the 30s and 40s and 50s. And we end the show in the 70s. But I learned so much about film history and American history just from researching the show. And I do think you can just sort of drop into it and not know anything about what they're talking about, but you'll get it because there's such passion and anger and pain behind their emotions that I think it transcends the film business in some way. Yeah. It made me feel a little more normal. Really?

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, because you see, you look at these women and you in your mind, they're Betty Davis and Joan Crawford. they have it all. And it sort of unveils what's going on behind it. And it's relevant to any girl that you look at right now that you think has it all. I don't think any woman really feels like when they go to bed at night, that they're going to be the it girl forever or that they're not scared. They're not going to have their phone ring for four years for an opportunity. Like it's, it's so relevant. And I don't know if this is just because you're an, I'm an actress, but I did feel

like this is going to translate across so many platforms, like just our listeners call every single week or they write in every single week and they're like, am I enough? Am I enough? How do I feel like I'm enough? And really the bottom line is, is you never really feel like that. It's this crazy part about being a woman. Yeah. I mean, I think that Betty and Joan both, I think they were sort of as many women are looking for sort of a universal acceptance that they never got. So they just kept going back and going back and they never felt they were pretty enough or smart enough or talented enough. And instead of reaching a point in their lives where they just sort of say, you know what I am, they never got there. They never got to the

finish line. And that's the tragedy. And you know, the weird thing for me making the thing was, you know, I have two little boys. I I'm in my early fifties and they were in their early fifties when they made that movie and they could not get arrested. They could not get work. They could not get jobs and i sort of at this age feel like you know what i've just sort of figured it out i sort of now just sort of know my body my mind my spirituality my heart where i want to move to and move towards socially and then i was realizing like what would i do if suddenly i got there to this place of power and then they're like nope lights out bye-bye go home you're too old you're too gross your time is over that doesn't happen to men that's not gonna happen to me

yeah um and then i was like wow well that's not fair and i didn't really realize a lot of it until i was making it because how would i feel if the rug was rolled up and they were telling me to go home right now at this point in my career it'd be devastating and they were devastated it was hard for them can i pop in though i do think that you've done incredible work though in hollywood for changing that because before you kind of started on some of these projects, a lot of times you were like 30 and you were way, you never saw anyone above 30 in acting and the things that you've done with American crime and American horror story. I mean, you have given, you know, the older iconic actresses a place to hone their craft. And I

think that's a fabulous thing that you've done in Hollywood for women. You know, I don't know what that's about. I was talking about that with a friend of mine yesterday. I'm like, what has that been with me and women through my entire career? One, I was raised by two strong women, my grandmother and my mother my father who i loved and i did not get along he did not like the fact that he had a gay older son i think what it is is i just look at any woman over 30 in our culture as an underdog you know you feel like an underdog you feel like okay well it's me against the world now and i've always felt that way i've always felt like on the outside looking in that i was never allowed in the club you know what's happened to me is I felt that way until I was

like 38 39 40 and then I got into a job in a position where I got great mentors you know at Fox Dana Walden Peter Rice Kevin Reilly John Landgraf and they were like you know what you're weird and you have something to say we kind of don't know what you're saying half the time but let's just try and you know I've been lucky that those many of those things have clicked in the culture. So I get another chance at bat. Yeah. So when I have somebody like Kathy Bates come into my office and I say, I'm going to write something for you. And she bursts into tears and I'm like, what's wrong? And she says, you don't know how hard it's been for me. Oh my God. You know, it's just, it's just devastating. But every one of those conversations

makes me double the number of roles that I write for women. And I'm, you know, I think if you look at my work in the past, um, five years, particularly, yes, there's been some great male performances, you know, Sterling K. Brown and Courtney B. Vance and on and on and on. But I really feel, um, akin to women and their struggles. Cause I sort of felt that way. And I felt like I wasn't involved in the club and it's weird to sort of wake up and realize that like you always felt on the inside, but now you are an insider in some way and you really can make change. So I've been, I've been conscious of the fact that I could make change, you know, But when I started off in the business, I could not get arrested.

All my peers, all of these dudes grew up like worshiping Spielberg and Goonies and Raiders of the Lost Ark. And I was like, I liked all about Eve. I was not into these shows. I was not. I was never going to be able to make that. I'm never going to be able to make Aliens. I'm never going to be able to make Star Wars. So I sort of created my own thing.

and luckily a lot of other people have liked what were my points of view and references and they were always women culturally 100 but guess who's buying stuff and watching tv women ladies see that's what i find amazing now is what i say to young women too i'm like why do you guys let people treat you like the minority when you're the majority of the country there's that's like i feel like people are rising up and i i don't know i wish there was some big cultural revolution. You know, I'm getting very excited about when I'm reading about, you know, there's going to be a, a woman's strike sometime soon on social media day without women. I think it would be great for people to realize for women to like, just like stop accepting, you know,

you are the majority. You actually do have more say, more power than, you know, that's what I'm trying to do. That's, that's the world I want to live in with my two young boys. So I don't want them to go through what we did or what, you know. It was hard. And it, I don't know, change is slow. That's the thing you have to remember, too. But generationally, I think it's getting there in an interesting way. Normally, we will, at this point in the show, say, well, we have no idea what we're talking about in life.

Stick around. We're going to answer some Ask the Lady Gang questions and help you figure out our life with our terrible advice. But for the first time ever, I think, in Lady Gang history, we have someone who feels like they might have figured out the secret sauce to life. So you're really going to want to stick around and take this advice because this advice might actually work. Stick around. Hey, ladies! Ask the Lady Gang. All right.

We are officially back, and it is time. Okay. Okay, so for this part of our podcast, we have a secret Facebook group that all of our Lady Gang listeners are in, and we ask them specific questions to ask you. Okay. So these are for you. Usually they're just arbitrary, random words. Generally.

Usually they're just like, how do I make my boyfriend like me? But there is also like hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of questions that we had to sift through. Oh, I love that. We get the best three. Hit me with the best ones. Okay. Before we start, if you guys want 20% off of jackvanek.com, use code LADYGANG.

Okay. Are you ready? I'm ready. Okay, our first question comes from Taylor. And she says, I want to know what are certain things a woman in entertainment can do that to really gain respect from their boss. I'm in the music industry, I work my ass off around the clock, and I'm doing things to the best of my ability. I get great feedback from co workers directly above me and the VP of the company, but the CEO is tough. And I don't know if I'm in there yet with him. Hmm. Well, that CEO sounds like he's not listening, right? You know what I do? I can't even say that it's gender specific. But I do. You know, since we started the foundation, I am promoting a lot of younger women. And what I really look for is, you know, that sort of above and beyond approach to your work. are you willing to sit there and do the time and say, I'll do that. Or I want to try that. Or what I really look for and what I love is I love when somebody talks back to me and says the opposite of what they think they're supposed to say. Like if they read a script, you know,

and I give my work to a lot of women, I love it when, and I've promoted women from this, when they say, I didn't like the scene. I don't like that. I don't think that's right. And you know, I think that's a hard thing to do to your boss sometimes. And then I say, well, what do you mean? Why? And they usually have very well thought out answers. I'm looking for somebody who is willing to take a risk and I don't even know how to quantify it, but I like people who have a very firm set of their own point of view. And I think that a lot of women are afraid to speak up and they just sort of feel like if they pull into the background, you know, that maybe the gravitational force of life will suck them up to the next level. In my experience, it's not how

it works. You know, in some cases you're going to meet dudes who are like, you know what? I don't care what you think, but that's about them. It's not about you. And if you are working in a company and you put your heart and soul into the work and you just want the company to be better and you have a point of view and you can say that to your boss, I have always found in my experience that nine times out of 10, that woman or that person is rewarded. And maybe not for the exact specific, but for having the guts to sort of say, I believe in this. I think that you are not looking at every point of view that you could. That's my advice is to be passionate about your point of view and to be prepared to back it up when asked. If you just sit there and you're,

I've also had sadly women like that on my company who are indoctrinated into this, what I call culture of fear where they feel too afraid to speak up because maybe that will get them dinged. I try and let everybody know the only way you're going to get promoted or get ahead is if you have a very strong opinion. And that doesn't mean be mean or callous or bossy. Maybe it's a way that you send an email or way you sort of have to judge the personality of your boss, but that's what I look for. Yeah. I love to be told you're full of S you know, I love that. You do hire some ballsy people. Always.

Always. I mean, you know, the way for me to get me to fall in love with you is for you to argue back with me because I'm really, at the end of the day, just trying to. And then people also don't realize that if you're somebody in charge of something, you know, that phrase, heaviest head that wears the crown, it's hard. What you want is support from under you and near you. Somebody's saying, we have ideas and we can help you get there, too. That's what you look for ultimately. But maybe I'm just incredibly an old lefty commie liberal. I don't know.

No, I think that that's so helpful because as a woman, we believe, me personally, that you don't ruffle feathers, that you behave yourself and you're polite. And a lot of the times you're not sure if it's professional or just too polite. And I think that that is nice to hear from a man because we have a lot of women come on that are CEOs and bosses and they say the same thing. But I think we doubt that men really do want to hear what we think. I do. I think more and more men do. And I think times are changing. I think the men that are my age and maybe a little younger coming up, you know, it's a very – a generational shift is happening in our culture right now. Like we are, I'm probably not the right, I would say the 45 year old and younger, you know, for the most part, these are men and women who were raised by women who went through the feminist movement, who were there during the bra burning and the ERA and all that stuff. And I think from a molecular level, yes, the evil Republicans know they're not that way. But there are many men who I think are just were raised by a different form of women and like strong women.

Yeah. The other thing that I find in my life, you know, and I've promoted many women in there, you know, running their own separate departments. And I see sometimes they're not hard enough on people. They feel like they as a boss now that they have power, they don't want to be confrontational with people. They don't want to fire people. They don't want to say that's not good enough. And I'm always saying like, you need to get in there, you know, and be tougher. um you need to step up into your power and that sometimes i think women are taught like you said no be nice be the pretty girl be the be the soft girl and i say no i say take hostages and take names but the problem is is that because when your male bosses do it he's so powerful he really knows what he wants he's a great leader and when women do it they get labeled a bitch so fast yeah And that's what's so hard. And not to like bring politics into it or anything, but it's like all the shit that Hillary Clinton got when she was like she was either too harsh or she was too cold or she was laughing too much. It's like you're always going to be criticized being too much of something.

And that's what I think that women sometimes fear about that. I relate to that as a gay man because I remember starting off and I feel like gay men in power are very much treated like women in power. And I remember when I first started and I just decided I was going to own my power and sometimes my personality would be abrasive and it would be very blunt. And I remember hearing from other people, oh, God, he's such a bitch. He's such a diva. He's such a power drama queen. And I remember being so shocked by that because I'm like, they're not saying that about J.J. Abrams. They're not saying that.

They're saying he's brilliant. Yeah. He's so powerful. Yeah. So I relate to that idea that it's sometimes very hard to sort of step up to the plate because you will be called names and you will be denigrated. But you just have to do it. And then finally, hopefully the time will catch up with you

and you'll have support around you that it won't matter. Gosh. Damn, I'm inspired. I know. Jack Vanek. Okay. Our next question is, do you have a professional regret? And if so, what was it?

I have a lot of regrets. Oh man, what are my regrets? Um, there are certain projects that I've done in my life that sort of have dovetailed within personal things happening in my life that I step back and I look back like, you know, five years ago, six years ago, two years ago. And I remember, and I, and I remember thinking, I wish I had the bandwidth then and what I know now to have approached it differently. You know, we've talked about this, about glee, but one of the things that I really struggled with on Glee was I really became very good friends with that cast at a very young age for me and for them. Like we were all starting together and it was like, let's put on a show. Oh my God,

can you believe that we're, they're giving us the money to make this? And you know, then when you go from like, you make a show in a bubble and then three months later, every kid is on the cover of a magazine and it's this huge thing. And then suddenly there's a little bit of elbowing each other. And I wish I didn't take it personally and say, well, then you're not my friend anymore. And blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I did not act well at the time. And it wasn't until I had a child where I think I realized the way to be a showrunner and to work with creative people in many ways is to be a parent. You know, you have to sort of draw a line and be a father figure or mother figure and let, and let your people know that you love them unconditionally, no matter

what, so that they have a safe space. And I didn't just do it on that show. I've done it from the beginning. I did it on popular. I did it on American horror story, but I've learned a lot of lessons, but I wish I could go back in that point of time and sort of maybe treat people a little easier, a little kinder with a little bit more generosity of spirit. But it was hard for me. It was, it was a big lesson, everything happening at once, you know, but that's something that I, I now do very specifically when I do television shows is I, I don't take anything personally and I let everybody be an individual and I drew, do try and go at them with sort of an unconditional love. Like, it's okay. I'm going to be here from you no matter what. You can piss me off.

That's fine. Yeah. And not be like, I'm going to take my ball and go home. And you're like, you know what I mean? I used to be that kind of person. but parenting does soften you in some weird way and then you look at my four-year-old i'm like oh my god i used to act like that i used to throw tantrums i was 35 i was 38 so but i do feel that i've i've i've look all you can ever hope to in life is to feel like

you've learned yes and i feel like okay i do have regret about it but i've learned something from it And I know now what not to do. And I know what to tell my children not to do. And then are they going to take my advice? Probably not. But nobody ever tells you that when you go into show business, you don't know, you don't know what you're doing at all. And suddenly with the hardest thing in the world, other than becoming and staying a success

is that first flush of success because you're like, well, wait a minute, am I going to be unmasked at any moment? Like I'm just sort of treading water. I don't know what to do. I'm acting something. It's, it's hard. Yeah. You feel like you're faking it for so long.

Like a fraud. Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't until recently that I felt like, okay, I've stepped into my shoes as a man, as a leader. It sort of like took 10 years to sort of understand it and own it and actually love it and not resent it. I was chompy there for a while. Our third question comes from Flavie. I like your name.

Which, P.S., we love your name. First child name right there. So amazing. Flavie Knight. Maybe not. Okay. sounded like you said floppy oh she says i have never been on a job interview before so what is it what does it feel like to be rejected from a first interview do you have

any advice to deal with it and how to be strong for the next one well i just go back to that word yes you know like um the first the weird thing about my career was the first script i ever wrote i sold and steven spielberg bought it okay so it was a very weird situation and i don't take it i do not take it for granted. That does not happen. But then I had a lot of like, you know, working and trying to make things happen. And I got a lot of no's and it wasn't until I think three years into my writing career where I finally got something made and I got that big yes. And I tell people this, I started off with a group of six writers plus me, seven of us. The other six were much more talented than me. They were. And we had a writer's group and I was like, I'm the,

you know, I'm the odd man out here, but, um, the only difference between me and them is I did not take no to heart. They all took it so personally and they all dropped out of the business. They, they could not take the nose and now they're not in the business and they had so much to say and so much to offer. So my advice to that person was, if you get a no, that's a weird way that the universe is steering you towards another opportunity and it hurts and you have to accept the sting of it, but you have to, I think what you have to do with the no is not just say, except the no, you have to say, well, why is it a no? Find out why they're saying that. And then there will be sort of a course correction. And I guarantee you

pretty soon down the pike is going to come a yes. You have to sort of lean into the yes. And you have to, um, realize that it's all a journey, you know, like I'm now at 52 and I remember starting off in the business at 30 and I, and it seems like so long ago and so, you know, and yet so short and I'm able to stand back and say, Oh, every bad thing that I thought was happening to me actually led me to a wonderful thing, a life affirming thing. But I think sometimes people don't ask questions about the note. They just accept, no, we don't want you. And they move on instead of saying, well, why don't you want me? What could I have said better? What could I have done better. I always feel in a job interview, my advice to young people too is to, nobody's

going to hire you unless they can be invested in you. And nobody can be invested in you unless they know what your dream is. So the first question I always say in a job interview is not like, why do you want to do this? Or what are you, I'm like, what do you want to be in your life? What's your dream? And I think that so many people can learn from that. If you lead with your passion, if you lead with what you want to be in the world, you'll be surprised at how many times people say, Oh, that's cool. Let me help you get there. I think also with women, I see it all the time is the problem is you don't ask for what you want. You have to say what you want to get it. And I see in job interviews, a lot of young women who again, like, you know, you were saying

they're terrified of sort of moving left or right because they feel like they're going to be dinged or you're out. It's hard. It's hard. And I say, no, lead with your passion. What do you want to, What do you want to be when you grow up is always one of my first questions in a job interview, no matter how old you are either. If you're 60, I'll still ask you that question. Everybody has an answer. Everybody has a dream of what they want their life to be. You may not get it right away, but I think identifying it in a job interview is an important thing. Okay.

So today was like the worst day for me, and I feel so inspired. You guys know my bad week. I'm like, I don't know what I'm going to do with my life. You're so inspiring, and I love what you're doing for women. It's so important. And I love that you gave our women, hopefully everyone listening today, is giving themselves permission to be strong and powerful and ask for what you want. And don't be worried about the no's and lean into your yes.

And while you're leaning into your yes, lean into your television and watch Feud. We are very excited. It premieres March 5th. Sunday, March 5th at 10 o'clock. What is the hashtag that we should get trending? yeah i think that i think the hashtag the fun hashtag i think the legitimate hashtag is hashtag fx feud i think that's what it is i'm not sure but what the fun what fun one should we get trending we can trench it oh yeah that's a good one um i think it should be hashtag fight

the power i mean that's what i want betty and joan to do even from the first scene hell yeah okay fight the power i'm right i'm taking a note ladies you better get ready the power i'm also gonna suggest you might need to take a day off of work the next day because i'm still a little imbalanced like i'm i've been very moved you know what though i'm like i'm ready to throw down so no i'm also very ready to throw down did you did you cry watching it were you emotional i felt a little slightly bipolar i was like crying at one moment and then writing down quotes the quotes in the are just amazing like what do you get when you pin two women against each other where she says they'll they'll just eat each other alive and pick their boat their teeth with the bones

and just and then she does the monologue about the things she left behind that she never knew she would need again yeah i mean guys i need therapy and listen you guys know that becca tobin is a cynical biatch so if she loves it and if she's serious because she hates everything we've only seen becca twice once at her wedding and this so this is really important you guys Ryan, we cannot thank you enough. Thank you guys so much. If people want to follow your egg, where can they follow you? At MrRPMurphy.

I love that you're so famous. Here's the thing about the egg thing is I just got too lazy to put up a current picture. It's not like I'm trying to be Dr. Evil or something. And do you actively tweet? Do you use it? You do. Here's the thing. I realized very early on that me on two glasses of red wine and tweets were not good.

So I had people who work for me change the password and they're not allowed to tell me. So I seriously, I can call them and I can say or email them and I'm like, tweet this out. But I have tried to under the influence tweet some just ranty. Well, it's always it's always political stuff. It was always during the election. And God bless my Sarah. She was like, let's think about that one. So I try.

Lean into the no. Lean into the no on Twitter, Ryan. I mean, I've seen many people implode. No, 100%. And I don't want to be that guy who picks fights or says dark, caustic things. Yeah, because all the trolls are going to come at you. It just breeds more negativity. The only feud you want in your life is this show, people.

There you go. We're very excited. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you, guys. We can all be a little better tomorrow, everyone. I'm so inspired. I had like a little tear in my eye. It's a really inspirational message of the Lady Gang.

And we will see you next Tuesday. Yay! Join the Lady Gang every Tuesday at iTunes and at PodcastOne.com. That's PodcastONE.com. Thanks for listening.