LadyGang - Sex with Emily

Episode Date: April 13, 2021

Let’s talk about sex baby! Dr. Emily Morse of Sex with Emily returns to help answer all of your questions… and let’s just say nothing is off limits. From how to initiate sex more to the best toys and how to handle a certain type of package. It’s time to spice up your sex life. Check out our amazing sponsors!!! Rj Swim: Get 15% off your purchase at rjswim.com using code LADYGANG from April 13th - May 11th. Olive & June: Get 20% off your first mani system when you use promo code LADYGANG at oliveandjune.com  European Wax Center: Visit waxcenter.com to book your reservation today and check out the new line of products — remember, your first wax is free! Nutrafol: Go to Nutrafol.com and enter code LADY to save 20% off your first month’s subscription! Plus FREE shipping on EVERY order! StoryWorth: Just in time for Mother's Day! Go to StoryWorth.com/lady to get $10 off your first purchase! Truff Hot Sauce: Get 15% off site-wide plus FREE shipping with promo code LADY at truff.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Welcome to the Lady Gang. You're about to listen to our podcast, but there is so much more our community has to offer. Follow us at the Lady Gang, join our secret Facebook group, shop our clothing line, books, and find out when we're going to be in your city at theladygang.com. We're so excited you're here. Enjoy the show. Today's episode of Lady Gang is brought to you by Olive and June. Your new nail life is here. Get 20% off your first Manny system when you use promo code Lady Gang at oliveandjune.com. That's code Lady Gang at oliveandjune.com. Razzle dazzle. well what is this welcome to the lady gang that's amazing say that again the lady gang

things are about to change around here each week we catch up with hollywood's hottest girl posse kelty knight becca tobin and jack vanik hello hello hello welcome to the lady gang i am becca tobin here with jack vanik and kelty knight hi oh hello hello everybody welcome to the show welcome to the show kelty i see that you have your ring light on you're trying to look really lit all lit and beautiful right now i mean yes but i'm also sitting in a closet that doesn't have a light so i need to uh illuminate myself somehow but i you know if you want me to go sexy i'll turn it down oh no you can see the reflection that's what i'm saying i can see i can see all your secrets in the background oh man oh man so lame there's nothing worse than like seeing

someone with those little like rings in their eyes and you're like you couldn't just be normal oh but if i do this look hey i'm just normal okay anyway i'm just normal that was very boring i'm just normal that was very boring content exhilarating congratulations congratulations i wasn't looking for an entire conversation about that i was just trying to point something you know that we could like lead into the next conversation yeah yeah well um in that case it's time for good week yes it is bad week oh no good week bad week who wants to go first kelty wants to go first she has i want no i need to tell you something because it just happened to me okay bad week number one um this morning i went to go get groceries and we've recently moved into

our new house and so we had no groceries we've been ordering in all the time because you couldn't use the stove, like, you know, all these different things with the power. And so I went to go do a grocery haul and I was like, I'm going to get like a few of everything because I don't like to buy one enchilada sauce. And then the next time I want to make enchiladas, I got to go back to the store and get enchilada sauce again. I would rather just buy four and have them in the pantry. You know what I mean? That's how I like to live my life. I'm like Costco girl, but I couldn't go to Costco. I didn't have time. So I went to the grocery store. I filled up my cart with all the things that I and my husband are going to eat over the next couple of weeks, some backstock.

And I got to the checkout and the manager of the store happened to be walking by and he was like, Hey, how you doing today? And I was like, I'm good. He's like, you work for Instacart. And I was like, Oh no. And he's like, all of this is for you. And I was like, yeah, well, and my husband, he goes and all your kids. And I was like, no, I don't have any kids. And he's like, wow, that's a lot of food. I was like, damn fucking grocery shamed at the judge. That's like when you get a big meal from cheesecake factory and they give you four different utensil setups. You're like, this is just for me. And I'm on my period. I often have lied to room service, but like how many people I'm like two that I just like

wanted a little bit of salad and a little bit of that French onion soup, you know? Yeah. I'm a French onion. Remember when he used to eat French onion soup, not realizing that it was beef stock yes it's a dark time dark dark um okay so then i also have my second bad week of the week and not to get too emo on you but i am absolutely so emotional and i would just sum up this bad week by saying like is it ever going to be easier to love things that do not love you back like i'm just at a stage in my life um and this is like not chris this is like career life elements where like i just i'm still so sensitive to all the failures and like i want to light shit on fire and burn the dumpster and like go after people that have wronged me

but like I can't because I'm like a classy broad you know and it's like we get a little more context I know are you being wronged currently okay yeah okay so so basically like I you know I'm like freelancing for ET now I'm not full-time anymore and I can't talk about that decision being made but you know it was hard and like I'll get a call from them and they'll be like hey you need to call us. And every time I'm like, Oh my God, like they need me. And then like, I go right back into this thing. It's like a bad boyfriend, you know, like, you know, when you break up with a boyfriend and they're like, Hey, and you're like, Oh my God, the next thing he's going to text is like, I still love you. We have to get back together. Like, like that does never happen.

And then I'm just like, Oh, like, I'm not, I don't know. I'm just going through this whole of like, I'm not that special. I'm not that great. Like, I think I spent 10 years working at one place. And it's been hard to lose that part of me. Well, number one, I'm sorry to hear that, but can I tell you something that I recently heard that really helped? And it was harsh, but then it really helped. And I had this realization when I was on set, no one is actually that special or great. We're all just humans working through the world, doing our thing. So really all that matters is that you're enjoying your time here. And let's go back to a year ago or two years ago when you made that decision to be happy with the

freelancing of it all because you had outgrown that place in your life. Now you're just wanting it because you feel like they don't think you're special enough, but that's really not, it's not that personal. It's just that you can't have it. Right. Yes. Yeah. But at the end of the day, it has nothing to do with you. It has very little to do with you. And maybe, maybe this year is all about being okay with just being special to yourself and the people who love you. A hundred percent. And I could not agree more with you, Becca. And I think that at times at my best, I can get like 70% there. And then at times when I'm my weakest, I can only get like 10% there. Like at my weakest, I just want that thing, like whatever I'm going at, whether it be things for

Lady Gang, where I'm like, I want this person to like, want to write about us or whatever. It's like, I just like at my worst, I get really petty and like want to light shit on fire. But I think you also have to remember that even when you had that, you still wanted more and you wanted something different. And it's always like chasing after what you can't have. So no matter what it is, there's always going to be some sort of you that's like unhappy. It's true. Until you're happy with numero uno. What's on the inside. Yeah, it's true. It's crazy. I have the same thing though. It's like you, you come off a job and I was thinking I had like bailed on this audition. I just didn't have the bandwidth to do it. And I was like, well, shit, you're not

riding this wave and you're not like taking advantage and people are going to think you're a loser. And like, what's next? What's next? And then I thought about it. I was like, you know what? No one's thinking about my next move. Nobody cares. Like no one is waiting for me to post on Instagram about my next job. Just my mom. Like that's it. Yeah. That's so liberating to think that it's just not that deep. The biggest, the biggest and best realization that anybody can have is realizing that nobody's thinking about you. Yeah. Like nobody gives a shit about what anybody else is doing because their heads are too far up their own asses and they're too concerned with themselves because everybody is a narcissist at heart. And you did not have joy in that job.

I'm sorry. You had no joy. I know. But what I'm saying is that it's not about, I mean, there's of course this outwardly thing, but it's more about like my interior. Like I get down on myself. Like I don't need to be ego. I know it's ego, but I just, I'm like, Oh, how about look, let's, let's, let's shift the thought. Okay. You don't need them anymore. You've created this whole other thing that has given you a livelihood, a purpose, a community, a sense of, of like pride. you have this whole other thing. So you're not even needing this thing for any other reason other than to make you feel something inside. I just loved it. I just loved it. And that's you didn't love it. Yeah. I didn't love it at all. That's why you started lady gang.

Kelty, this is like a bad relationship. They're not bad. They're not bad. It was just not right for you. No, it didn't fulfill you completely. That's why you had to start something for yourself. No, but this is what I'm saying. It's like, it's been so long since I've had good things. No, it's been so long since I've had a bad breakup of sorts. I've been with Chris for 10 years. So I haven't been like dumped, you know, like obviously there's jobs I didn't get or whatever, but I haven't like had to like have these feelings of, Oh, I, I don't want them, but I want them to still want me. Like I was very much like that when I was breaking up with humans too you know what i mean it was like i don't want to date you but don't date anyone else you know

it's like anyway it's just a whole emotional roller coaster so i've been a little cry today i ate some cheese now i'm better and that's it sorry this was so long good week bad week jack becca cheese uh solves all problems i'll go fast and brie and chap like cracker is really will take you to a happy place it really will give me a tummy ache i just actually had some cheese like 30 minutes ago and it brought me happiness um my good week and i am a little bit late on this one but jared's band the main released their new single sticky and it is amazing and i want everybody to go listen to it call your radio stations request it can you still do that yeah can you still literally they yep that's like with the radio stations are like waiting for people to call in

to request songs oh my god lady gang call in and request sticky request sticky shazam sticky when it's on you know just just get it get it all going um it's great and they will have their second single by the time this airs uh what's it called are you allowed to say is it called jack no no the songs aren't about me because jared doesn't write any of the lyrics i wish they were that's like been my biggest dream in life but what's it called i thought sticky was about you I literally was like, oh my God, this is so Jack. Like Sticky just liked that song. And then it was like, I made a lot of mistakes, but you're not one.

And I was like, oh, Jerry loves Jack. Jerry wrote a song for me. Zero of the lyrics. The other song called April 7th and it comes out or it came out on April 7th. It's great. That's my good week. Go listen to Sticky. My bad week is I was at the nail salon and I walk in and there's this older woman.

sitting there and we're still in COVID. I know that everybody's getting their vaccines and like life is returning to normal, but she's sitting there and her mask is around her chin. Everybody else in the nail salon, full mask, the people doing her nails from one foot away, full mask. Okay. That's bad. Then I sit across the room trying to get as far away from her as possible. And then I see her like pick up her phone and she calls somebody. She's talking to this person, she goes, well, you know, it's my birthday. So I'm going to get my nails done and like, blah, blah, blah, blah calls. I'm not kidding. 10 different people to tell them that it is her birthday and she's getting a manicure. These people didn't call her to congratulate her

on her birthday. She is now like broadcasting to everybody that she knows that it's her birthday talking so loudly to these people's faces that are one foot away from her with no mask on. honestly i want to come back in my next life as a human like that i know life must be so easy no it's like there's no awareness there's obviously no spatial awareness whatsoever there's no awareness that like that is such a bizarre thing to do no decency like does not care has the mask it's on her face on her chin like i'm there's just no no at all with this lady And then it's also one of those people that speak extremely loudly and is expelling a lot of stuff from her mouth. It was all in all a terrible experience. Zero out of 10.

Wow. Zero out of 10. Your human experience with this woman was a zero out of 10. I love when you say shit like that. Do not come again. No. All right, Becca. Okay. So my bad week is I'm so sad that we're done filming our show. Oh, I'm so sad. And I just can't believe that from start to finish, no joke. It was the most pleasant, enjoyable experience I've ever had at work. And it is so crazy to me that an experience like that even exists in this business because there have been so many nightmare things and people and whatever. So it was really, really sad to end it. It was really bittersweet. So I'm very bummed out about that. Does it give you hope for having more jobs

in the future? Like that you aren't extremely turned off to the whole industry? Yeah. Because Because before you were like, I don't even want to. Yeah, you're like, but it's too hard. Well, it's just, you don't want to go to work with people who are dicks. I don't think anybody wants to go to their job where people are dicks. Right. And a lot of people do and it sucks. And so it makes you hate your job.

But because everybody was so amazing and like the guy who plays the lead on this show, his name is Josh Peck. You guys know him from Drake and Josh. I'm sure there's some lady gang girls who like they're a little, they got excited to hear that. Um, but he is the most, and he's the lead of the show. So like the lead of any show really sets the tone for the show. I'm not kidding you. This guy worked harder than anybody I've ever seen. He worked every single day, all day long. He has a young kid at home with his wife who, who came to Vancouver with him. Like he's busting his ass. He's so charming. He's so funny. He's so talented and he's so grateful and generous and kind to everybody around. Like, I don't think

that people like this exist. And that trickles down to everybody else on the show. And luckily everybody else on the show is also a decent person. I'm probably the biggest dick of everybody. And in Hollywood, that's not even a really big dick at all. So it was amazing. I'm really sad to be done. But I think if I keep putting it in the universe that all I want are good experiences like that, that maybe those will come in because life's too short to work with assholes. But the good week is that I'm in my house in Texas and it's weird to be in Austin and not LA, but it's sort of amazing and refreshing. I love our neighborhood. We have two other best friend couples in the neighborhood and a couple more on the outskirts of where we're living.

And it's like, we keep thinking we're on vacation every day, but it's not, it's just life now. So it's weird. We need a, we need a full house tour. Are you going to wait until you redo your stuff? I'll probably do a full house tour. We're not doing a whole lot of work. I mean, we're going to do, we have our furniture coming and, but it's a new, new house. So it doesn't really need a whole lot like my old house did. And that's been nice. Um, Becca, I did want to let you know that I was just looking at my list of like good weeks and bad weeks. Cause I write down things like when I want to remember them. And since you are done filming, I think I can't use this anymore, but I did write down at some point, we got another clue about Brooke. Cause

you were wearing a pink suit and pearls. And I was like, Ooh, I didn't take Brooke as a pearl wearer because that takes you into like that smart girl and cruel intentions oh yes yes brooke did wear pearls i think only once i think only one of my outfits was pearls but she's a classy lady she's a classy bitch okay i really liked her i cannot wait to see you in a full stocking on television i know i can't believe you had to wear pantyhose i don't do real people wear pantyhose anymore? She's a prosecutor. I know. Do prosecutors wear pantyhose? Yes. You're probably not going like a bare leg. No, you're not? You're still in a very professional, like one of the most serious professions as far as attire goes. So you're wearing a knee length,

like longer than your knee pencil skirt and a closed toe pump and a pantyho. A pantyho. My mom, my whole life my mom was an attorney and is it is an attorney in my entire life she went to work in a pantyhose and a suit so are you are you saying pantyhose a joke are you calling it a pantyhose it's a pantyhose no you know it's a pantyhose right pantyhose is that singular I don't know on your pantyhose oh yeah because one pantyhose is one leg yeah I don't know I thought you were doing it like a hoe joke well it's like a panty hoe put on a panty hose i don't know well my mom wore panty hoes and she was a hoe just kidding no no it's panty hoes and or people are just calling them tights now it's just so exciting that some excited that somebody else

made a wait miss miss or miss saying but mispronunciation panty hoe is on the urban dictionary. Panty hoe. When a woman wears skirts so short and you can see they're wearing tiny panties underneath, these are panty hoes. Oh, okay. All right. I've been a panty hoe at some point. Yeah, definitely. Definitely. Yep. Well, that's exciting. Thank you for noticing my panty hoe. When we come back, Sex with Emily is here. Let's have sex. So last week I asked everyone on Instagram what their favorite bathing suit brands were. And it's no surprise that our Black-owned business this month was mentioned a couple times by some of my followers and it's called rj swim and it is so freaking cute it was founded in brooklyn new york in 2019 it was created by this

badass woman named rachel and inspired by her love to travel to different tropical islands her background's jamaican and so there's no surprise she loves the beach her current collection was inspired by tulum architecture and sceneries tulum is one of my favorite places so you can bet this is a very cute collection but i'm telling you they have the most beautiful color palettes everything is so cute and i cannot wait to get on the beach and neither can you if you want 15 off your purchase at rj swim go to rj swim.com use promo code lady gang from april 13th to may 11th again rj swim.com 15 off your purchase from april 13th to may 11th code lady gang do you love hot sauce do you love truffle do you love luxurious things oh boy do i have the sponsor for you truff hot

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June.com. Now back to the lady gang guest today is an OG lady ganger. One of our first friends in the podcasting world and the woman who introduced us to the womanizer. She's a doctor of human sexuality on a mission to liberate the conversation about sex and pleasure over the last 15 years, her work has made her the bestselling author of hot sex over 200 things. You can try tonight, a pioneering masterclass instructor on sex and communication, live serious XM radio host and executive producer and host of the number one sexuality podcast on itunes sex with emily please welcome back to the lady gang the woman who puts the sex in sex she puts the sexy in sex dr emily morse all right well listen we what we did is we went to the facebook group and we're

like sex with emily's coming back and we know that you have embarrassing questions that you want to ask and then i told the girls hey by the way you each have to bring one too so more of the same from sex with Emily, but you have new toys, new thoughts, new things, um, to talk about it. And I'm going to start it up. I, hi, my name is Kelty. I'm 39 years old. I don't know what to do with the balls. My God. Right. I, I had that issue too. I don't know what to do. I've been avoiding them my whole life and I'm 39 together 10 years. A ball has not been touched. And I feel like I was listening to you on black girls texting. And I was like, you know what? I have the courage now to ask emily about the balls yeah thank you out of you you go girl they really the balls i feel

like for a while i had kind of post-traumatic ball disorder i was like i don't know like i had something with a ball i think some guy might have squeezed him too hard he's like not the balls i was like shit and then i avoided him for years and years same because you're like it's about the blow job or it's about whatever and the balls are whatever so here's the thing with the balls first just like women's bodies every guy wants something different some guys are like do not do anything without touching my balls and some guys are like steer clear maybe you like you know touch every once and once and again so really you have to ask your partner you can just say how does this feel and really just the basic move is like cupping your balls you just don't you just kind of hold

them like you just hold them yeah that's the big thing yeah just like you just hold them because it could feel good. Like, let's say you're giving a blow job or whatever you're doing and just kind of tuck them in. Like you pull them, put them into the body. Yeah. Towards the body. Push them. Yeah. Don't you maybe just like, like hold them with like, you can feel their weight a little bit. Just give them a little support, give them support and pour them towards the, hold them towards the body, like towards the perineum, like not pulling them up. Although let's get to that in a minute. So that's just the basics. And you could even say, how does that feel when I cut your balls. Do you like ball play? What's a ball play? Ball play. Like, do you want

your balls played with like nipple play? Do you want nipple play? Like, that's what I mean. It's like, do you want your balls played with yes or no? So then if you do other things you could do is think of like those Benoit balls that you like hold in your hand. You can do it because it's literally two balls. So you can move your hand around and you can kind of like play with them like this gentle. Okay. Like move them around. The other thing you can do is you can, now this is not for every ball owner but you could tug the so you hug them but i don't mean like hurt like you could just you know put them so so the balls become one in your hand sort of like think of like a like you're like you're mocking a cow taught like you're holding them exactly i love the jacks

together along with the arm movements in the middle becca's just sitting and then you're and then you're pulling them yeah you're just like god what if i had a ball here i have a bola but not a ball. I need a, you know what? I need one, a penis puppet for my next show. Okay. So then you're pulling it and then you could do something where some men like, uh, like a flick on the parts that are coming out. Like they like a little, like flick the balls or tug on the balls. Yeah. I mean, really it's just, yeah, because you're holding them all in and you could like flick at it. So, or you could lick them. You could, you could even do this. No one's, you know, it's funny. I haven't gotten a ball question about, you could even do something where you go, I don't know why

This is funny, but you go, and you could like suck them all in your mouth. Wait, like the whole ball? Both of them together or singular? Either one. I don't know how big his balls are. That feels like a choking hazard. It's not. They don't, well, they don't go down your throat.

I mean, unless they're really big balls. Have you ever seen someone walking down the street and they're like, I can just tell that there's big balls in there? Like a big ball, like a big. Hangy balls. Yeah. I wonder if anybody has had a death by ball by doing that. And then it gets like suctioned into their mouth and then, you know,

Get the balls out, but they're pliable. Like you can. Yeah. So thank you. And then also like, like, like, like them scratch, you know, like kind of just tickle. Well, if you felt like I did until right now, you know, now, you know, we're, we're coming with a vulnerability, Jack. So my question is one that we have had for many years on the lady gang. we've talked about it a few different times and how, how Kelty doesn't know what to do with the balls. I think we all collectively still do not know how to give a hand job, like a proper hand

job. Okay. Like, do I lick my hand? Do I use both hands? Like it's something that I don't do often because I'm too embarrassed that I don't know how to do it. Okay. Well, just, that's a great question because hand jobs are fun because also it's less work. You're going to have the same results and it's easier. I think a handjob is easier. You have to use lube. Just get, you guys know how I feel about lube, right? No, literally the first time I met you, I was like, Costco. They don't sell like Costco size lube. You know what I mean? They don't sell lube at Costco, but if they did, I would buy it. A gallon, a gallon. Guys, I have this big bottle just in my drawer of like pure, like I have hundreds of bottles, you know, I'm home now, but in my office,

you've seen it. So what's your favorite, wait, what's your favorite brand of lube? One of my favorites is I love Pure, P-J-U-R, because it's, it's just like a, it's been around for 20 plus years. It's a really, it's not usually all this big, but it's, they have a water-based formula that's great for women because sometimes you just don't know what can I, we have certain pH balance and stuff. So I like that it's a clean lube. I also like, um, I like Foria. Do you guys know Foria? It's a CBD coconut oil lube. Oh yeah. I use their suppositories for my cramps. Yeah. Yeah. They're amazing. They're PMS. And so what I love about them is that it's coconut oil. You can't use it with condoms, but it's just slippery and it tastes good and it has CBD in it. So if a

lot of women and probably a lot of your listeners have pain during sex, it can help with that. They now make a lubricant and an oil that you can just kind of like a pre-lube that you sort of put on and it can calm your vulva down. Calm down. Challenges I might be having, but calm down, vulva. I got all this pain. Okay. So handjobs honestly when you use a lot of lube you put it if i talked about you put your hand and you could you could do both hands you could do um two two hands you could do both hands you could do two hands like up and down have them follow each other like up and down the shaft you can um have one hand on the balls and one hand going up and down you can do there's a few moves like there's

the you could have hands following each other or you could do the back and the um what's it called screw. It's kind of like a corkscrew where you're going back and forth, but here's my best advice. Every penis is different. So have you, you're all in relationships right now, right? Yeah. But we've seen a few penises in our lives. I know you've gotten out there. Too many. Well, have you guys ever done mutual masturbation with your partner? This is how I give my best hand job. So when you see what they do, like for example, I remember doing it with a guy and I noticed that when he was masturbating, he took his hand and he went up and over the tip every time up and over the tip. And I was like, Oh, like that's his sweet spot. So when I gave him a hand job or

blow job, I was like, Oh, okay. Up at the tips really important the way he goes. So you just kind of mimic what they do. That's honestly changing. That means also it's just shows how selfish I am. Like I would never have been studying his technique. I would have just been concentrating on myself. Yeah. I'm like, do you know how hard it is to get to an orgasm? I can't look at you. I know. That's not going to do it. Exactly. But that's honestly lube and you could play with different sensations. You could put like an ice cube in your mouth and you could play with hot and cold, which is really cause your warm breath and like a cold ice cube. If you like have one in your mouth. So sensations feel great on all the nerve endings. So hot, cold, warming

lube, cooling lube? You always come in with the tips, hot and cold tips. Hot tips. That's it. That's it. That's what I got. Okay. My question is not as juicy, but it's a question that I've been... I moved into a new house. In our bedroom, we have a huge blank wall next to the bed. Part of me feels like I want to put a mirror there, but what are the pros and the cons of having a giant mirror, always accessible to see yourself having sex. Exactly. I loved it when I had one. I am a hundred percent. Let me tell you about mirrors. There have been studies that have shown that women, when they look at themselves in the mirror, they get more aroused and there's something about seeing our image and connecting with ourselves. So I think it actually helps with

self-esteem. I think it's really hot. Like I, I actually wish I had, I don't have enough walls where my room is, where my bed is, but I would, I'm dying for a mirror in my room because of this. Like I have a big mirror in my room, but we have to like, like my guy and I go over to the floor and put something down. And then we have sex in front of the mirror. Cause it's, I think it's hot. So I recommend it. It's like, we turn ourselves on looking at ourselves. So I say, yes. Now, am I going to be creepy when people come over and we give them the tour of the house and there's just a big mirror. Is that like pervy? Well, people coming into your, if they're coming into your bedroom, they got to be good friends. And if they judge you, then they're not your

people. Okay. Honestly, it could be on the ceiling. Yeah. It's not on the ceiling. It's never going to be on the ceiling. Don't worry about that. But okay. You've sold me. I was really torn, but the whole thing about women, and I guess when I think about it, if I have had sex in front of a mirror, it is a positive experience every time. It's never like, oh, don't look at me. I used to have that big in my bed in my old house and I always looked at myself but I'm Kelty but no but I will say

that but it's like I actually like I like myself more having sex in the mirror than I do just being in the mirror in my clothes like yes and I'm like bent over and I'm all like

and he's like prowling me I'm like I've never felt better about myself it's when I have a dress on and I look in the mirror And I'm like, look, I'm tired today. That's bad. I think you're really going to like it. Isn't that amazing though? Because so many women, we do, we were so critical in the mirror.

So you probably think that's kind of counterintuitive. Like I don't want to see my body. And yeah, no, it works completely opposite. I remember when I first learned that I was like, yes, it makes so much sense. Like the monster in our head is so nasty that when we're having sex, we're like, oh, I don't know. Cause I have like no boobs. So I'm always, when I'm on top, I'm always like, he's looking at these like little, like

just hanging nipples. like there's no smush you know what i mean there's no like big juiciness it's just a little it's like a little tiny cat nipple like you know anyway so i'm always self-conscious about that but then i saw it i was like wait this is i'm kind of great this is how we yeah and you both look together in the mirror that's hot yeah it's hot yeah how long have you been in your relationship emily oh it's casual but i would say about six seven months pandemic lover we've never known you yeah we've never known you with a boyfriend is he a boyfriend come on ish yeah i'm dating a few people really i mean but he's the main guy i'm always sleeping with

okay never mind you're still you yeah you're still you're still dating other people no but no okay so i'd hate to give him but no it's moving in that direction where i think it's a thing, but he's wait. Boyfriend never. No, I haven't seen him in four years. So I had a boyfriend for about a year and two months around there a few months. And then who else did I date? I don't know. No, that's crazy. Okay. How has your pandemic sex been? Is it different than a normal sex? Um, yes, it's been amazing. This guy. So here's the thing. He was not as a, it's probably been six, seven months. And my sex has been amazing because he listens to my show a lot. And which is awesome because he does listen and he's been listening for a while. We've been

friends for a really long time, but now it's like kind of become a next level thing, which is why I think it's going to be more of a thing. And so since there's more time and I'm always home, he'll just like come over in the middle of the day and we just play. Cause I've now my office This is my home. Everything's here. And I got a massage table from a friend of mine who had a few of them and she's like, dropped it off. And then he went in my garage. I was working and he went outside and I was working late doing shows. And then I went outside and he had like set up the massage table. He had put all this like, cause I'm so, I love massage. And he just said, this is all about you tonight. This was just like recently. And he,

he got like my coconut oils and my and my toys and he just it was outside it was like a beautiful evening and so we've just done more things like that we've gone to we've just played literally I brought out like all of all of my I've done more play with him too on toys because I never really had time before and so now I've really gotten to just connect with him and do things that I hadn't done in years or ever so how was your pandemic any butt stuff yes yes A lot more butt stuff for both of us. I knew it. I could tell from your animation.

Really? It's the glow. Yeah, you seem happier. I am. Oh, my God. So youthful. Yeah, he's good. Congratulations.

I'm happy to hear that you've met somebody who's not intimidated. He's, like, up for the challenge. And he's taking notes and listening. That's, like, honestly the most ideal situation to be in. I know. He's been listening for years. And I always said, I don't want to date, like, a listener. But he's also a friend who started listening.

And so he, he just gets it. Like he knows, like he, I'll even try to do stuff. He's like, well, is that not what we're supposed to do? I mean, not in a way that's annoying, but in a way, like he wants to be a great lover to me, you know? Oh, I love that. Wow. Wow.

Goals. Muscle tough. You guys are all in relationships. How's it going with you? How's been your pandemic sex? It ebbs and flows. Same. Right?

Yeah. The only time I'm having sex at night is if I'm drunk and the pandemic. so are you drunk a lot yes I am so cool it's fine but I was going to talk to you about this um the study that came out that said that men in the pandemic were saying that their sex life was better that it was amazing for them and that women not so much I didn't last six months of pandemic I've been playing I actually went back into advice that you gave us five years ago when you first appeared on lady gang to like, just say yes, like the yes and game. Cause I had gone back into like, make up an excuse and like run away and like for a while, but I, for the last six

months I started the yes. And it's the most inopportune times. I'm like, we have to be somewhere. But all of a sudden it's like, while I'm getting dressed for us to go somewhere, not that we went that many places, but like, or whatever, get dressed for a meeting or zoom or whatever you're, you're changing. And then that's the time. But I've just been saying, yes, it's actually been quite fun but it makes it more fun that way shame and guilt and honestly when he's going for it it's usually shorter and i mean that with love like chris knight is a longtime lover he wants every escapade to be like he's listening to sex with emily too and he's like and then we go outside to the massage table like every time and i'm like sometimes you just want it to

like go like let's let's be done sometimes so this yes and he's already so in the mood that it's like less of a, uh, you know, it's less of a long form series documentary. You know what I mean? Yeah. I just want to knock it out. So as women, we often hear that, you know, the men are wanting us to initiate sex more often, but it's not something that we naturally are inclined to feel right away. Spontaneously. We have to sort of like be in the moment to then be turned on and ready to go. I'm glad you're bringing this up, Becca, because it's, it's so what we are led to believe is that women have the same kind of arousal as men. Like men get, like I always say, men are, I probably said this on your show four years ago, men are frying pans,

they get turned on and women are slow cookers. So men are frying pans. We need, we need to be warmed up. We need to be connected. You need to ask about my day. The house has to be clean. us. And so women, it doesn't occur to us until we're already turned on until something's already happening. Women, we think we should, and then we think we're broken because we don't get that, like, why don't I want to jump my partner right now? And that literally, that doesn't happen to maybe the first, like the honeymoon phase, which I love that I'm in right now, because that is the best time. But I always say that too. I'm like, you know, we're in the honeymoon phase, but it's great. It's going to be all one sex all the time, but then eventually you don't. First, you could

ask him, you could say, if you had me initiate sex, what would that look like? Like, what's your dream scenario? And maybe he's like, I get home from work and you're wearing that sailor outfit and you have dinner made and you, I don't know, like you've got all the things. And then you're like, okay, I have a plan now. So then you do that. And then you learn like, okay, that wasn't, I initiated, it was like, you need a plan to think about it. Cause otherwise it just days, you know, years goes by. This is revolutionary information. You have not talked about this on the podcast before. This is revolutionary information. My mind is on fire. I love this. I love that. It's so true. It's like, how is your day going? How are you emotionally connecting that

day? Like how is your stress level? There are so many things as a woman that we take into consideration of how turned on we're going to end up being and how we want to connect with our partner that it's not like literally I, at any point in any day, I'd be like, Jared, let's have sex he's like oh my god yes like right women do not think that way at all right exactly i mean of course and again i hate to say like all women all men but it's there's some cases where women are like oh i always want it my partner doesn't but more so than not it this is this is the scenario that we just need to understand and then this goes back to like the sex education no one talks about it so i love that that we're talking about now because i just used to feel like

something's wrong with me or why isn't it why is it just striking is like clicking in my brain that when I go to someone else's wedding like I always want to have like crazy sex like the night of their wedding because I've like been around love all day or after you watch like a romantic movie or miniseries you're like yes oh because you're like all like zhuzhi in the you've like thought about the mode but it's never like yeah I I always thought that I was missed I thought I was broken Emily like you said like I don't know that like wow he's hot I want him like I never felt that in my life nobody does nobody does and what jack was saying too is like oh yeah like you want to ask about your date we all do like how i need to connect if i haven't connected with him like

you know and this has been every guy i've been with i'm like yeah like if i haven't seen him in a while especially i'm like we need to connect again i'm not i haven't been sitting here miss i miss you but i haven't been like waiting to like rip your clothes off i need the emotional connection well i need you to speak my love language tell me i'm hot or what you love about me or, you know, which is like words and touch me, you know, whatever. So we just have to figure out what we, what this is women. We are responsible for our own pleasure. Women, we are responsible for what turns me on. What do I need to be in the best sexual situation for my partner? Cause they want to know that as well. So Kelsey, like for you, if we could go in a circle, but no,

but Kelsey, how great that you know that like you, maybe it is watching a movie or when you're feeling there's people around or something, you guys shared an experience together. Like there was some adrenaline. There was something new. There was something daring. Maybe you were talking about at first, I thought you were going to say that you had sex at the wedding because I've done that, but you were saying after the wedding. So whatever happens, but like that, it gives us clues. So if you guys go back, there's like a sexual DNA, like your arousal DNA is in the experiences you've already had. And you can start to piece together when you'll be the most aroused and what, what has to fall. Cause women are like, we need shit to fall into place to make, to feel

good for sex and it's our job to make sure that happens if we want to have sex. Well, I was going to talk about that too, because obviously the pandemic couples are spending so much time together all the time. And there's, it's so mundane. There's nothing new you're like, well, up until recently, you're not going out, you're not dressing up. And that is such a not conducive place to feel sexy. So that's what I've really realized. It's like, if we're like actually going out on a date or we're experiencing something new, like something different. That's where I get turned on. I'm not getting turned on sitting on the couch for the 15th day in the row. Exactly. With your pajamas. This was hard. This is, this is the truth. And so this is why the

pandemic has been really, really hard for people because you'd have, because what, what makes sex hot in a relationship is the variety, the spontaneity, the, you know, just something new, something spontaneous. And so that's, that's, that's what we crave. And the pandemic just squashed all of that. When we come back, Emily's going to answer your questions. So if there's ever been a year to make the moms in your life feel loved and appreciated on Mother's Day, it is with StoryWorth. It is a heartfelt, sentimental gift the whole family can cherish together forever. StoryWorth is an online service that helps your mom, grandmother, mother-in-law, whatever mother figure is in your life, share stories through thought-provoking questions

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And now they've added enhanced health and hygiene measures for extra confidence and care. European Wax Center is so confident that you'll love their services and products that they're offering all first-time guests their first wax for free. So visit waxcenter.com to book your reservation today and check out the new line of products. And remember, your first wax is freaking free. And we're back. Okay, these come directly from the lady gang themselves. Emily, any tips for the gag reflex when I'm giving oral? I can't go past halfway in my mouth without starting to gag.

I've thrown up multiple times trying to push through it. God, okay. Well, here's the thing. Let me just talk about that for a minute. Don't feel pressure that you have to deep throat a penis because I think a lot of that comes from porn or they think it's hot. And just don't do it if you truly don't want to. Nobody has to do it. However, I do have a tip.

So our gag reflex is something that you can actually learn to stretch and you can learn to expand it. So do this exercise where you take like a toothbrush and you put it to the point where you're about to gag, right? and you leave it there for about the middle of your mouth, wherever it at your tongue for about like as long as you can, maybe like 60 seconds. I'm trying to remember this exercise. And then you do that for the first day. And then like the next day you try to move it a little further, a little bit back, hold it for like a minute. And then you just keep expanding that. And you'll find that in a matter of few days, if you stick with it, you're going to be able to expand your gag potential. It's like working out. It's like working out.

Work that muscle. Work the gag muscle. It's just that we're not used to it. And there's probably some anxiety like, oh, God, I'm going to throw up again. And I did. So yeah, that's not cute. OK, next question. No, how do you not make it awkward when you want to tell your partner exactly what you

want, but you don't want to offend and emasculate the person if it's different than your usual style? And I think this gets harder the longer you're in a relationship. Oh, it does get harder when you're longer in a relationship, which is why I'm all about people talking about sex. Seven months. It's been great. You know, outside the, you got to talk about your sex life frequently because then it becomes a lot easier. And so the reason why I love this question, because the reason why we don't talk about it is because we're so afraid that we're going to hurt our partners, that they're going to think that they're, you know, bad lovers or worse yet, they're going to come back at us and say, well, you never do this. And so we just, we basically become mute around sex and it gets harder and harder and harder because then, you know, well, we've been together 10 years. And if I bring it up now, they're going to think all these other things and we just wait and wait and wait. And it doesn't solve itself. You know, you really need to. So my best tip is just to communicate about it outside the bedroom. I have three T's of communication. It is timing and tone and turf. Just remember this anytime you want to talk about sex or have any awkward, uncomfortable situation. The first one is TERF, and that is outside the bedroom. We do not want to have conversations about sex when we're in the bedroom because usually it's like you think about it right after the bad sex happened or you didn't get your needs met or something went wrong.

And then you're in the bedroom, and I think the bedroom should be for sleeping and for sex and for big mirrors. And then you say – and then the other thing is your tone. Your tone is just sort of – is light, and it's curious, and it's open. can't be angry or defensive. And then your timing is when the two of you are just hanging out. Maybe you're going on a road trip or you're going for a walk. So you don't have to really make eye contact, but it's still intimate. You're having a cocktail, you're hanging out. And then the conversation goes something like this. You know, I've been thinking lately about our sex life and I realize I, we've never talked much about it and I, this is really awkward for me or it's

uncomfortable and I was afraid to bring it up because I thought you'd think it was weird, but really I just want us to be like the, have the hottest sex and be the greatest lovers to each other. And so is, you know, I just love to talk about it. Is there anything you've been wanting to try? I'll tell you what I want to try. And you just sort of, you know, talk about it. Now, listen, there might say, well, what do you, this is the worst case scenario that we all imagine is that your partner says, well, what I want, what do you want? You want to sleep with someone else? Do you not want to be with me? Did I do something wrong? Do you hate my penis? and then we're like you'd be like no i swear like this is why i haven't brought it up you know i

just wanted to like i i have a fit and then whatever it is you want to bring up you know i really babe and here's another way to do it let's say you talk about the compliment sandwich do that with your sex life like let's say your your listener who has this question wants her partner to go down on her more and he's not doing it she could say to him i our sex life was so hot last weekend. I love the way you slowly kiss my neck and the way you, whatever, the way it was really hot when the moonlight was coming in, whatever. One, the first part of the bread. And then you say, and I was thinking about it that I realized that I didn't have an orgasm or I wasn't as turned on. And when you go down on me, I have the most pleasure and I'm able to really,

you know, the sex feels better and I'm more turned on. And then you end with like, and so I was thinking that, you know, if you could go down to me more, it would just really help our sex life. So you have to keep leading with what you love about it. Then the suggestion, then you end with like wrapping up of why it's great for both of you. Compliment sandwich.

Compliment sandwich. Yeah, you guys, it works. And then you just have to keep going back to like, hey, no, it's not you. I swear. This is fine. And then you talk about it often and then it becomes fun. I promise. Having sex while pregnant, why are men so scared of it?

I don't know that all men are. I think that some men are scared of it because again, they don't have the information that like, what do they think the baby's going to pop out or something? Are they going to poke it? It's not going to happen at all. Some men are like, oh God, I find my partner so hot when she's pregnant. So I think that they don't have a lot of information. Maybe they need to go with you to the doctor and learn that they're not going to injure the baby, that everything's going to be fine. Then in fact, having orgasms and having pleasure is actually helps you with a lot of pain or anything you've been having in pregnancy. Just feel good hormones. And you could be like, sweetie, don't flatter yourself. Your penis

is going nowhere close. It's not even nowhere near it. Last question. Um, this is a woman who wrote in, she said, what is the best way to spice up my sex life in a long-term relationship? Um, I, everything is exhausting me. Is there a really good toy I can get? I don't love a vibrator. Good toy. A toy to just spice it up. And she doesn't love a vibrator.

Would you consider the Womanizer a vibrator? Because I think it's. Yeah, I would. It really. Okay. I know it's amazing. We put that in the non-pass. Wait, didn't we, didn't we hear about the Womanizer from Emily?

Probably. Yeah. Five years ago. Five years ago. I think you gave us one. I probably did. and we all went home and within five minutes we're like yep best sex toy we've ever used ever this is why we need to talk more i know it is the best oh so amazing um god it doesn't

vibrate i would say lube honestly if you have any of these lube lube is so underrated oh we talked about that already it is how about like a good you could get a dildo it doesn't vibrate like it's a it's a phallic shape that doesn't you know that doesn't vibrate i'm trying to think about something, a toy, she doesn't love vibrators. Would you want like a Cochrane? Actually, you know what, this leads me to a great question. I have a Cochrane question. Oh, perfect.

It seems so small when you take it out of the box that it scared me away. It's so small. It's so small. I know it's stretches, but I tried to stretch it like it was a hair tie and I was like, there's not that much stretch. Is it going to hurt him?

No, it depends which one you have. It should, it shouldn't hurt if it's is it a good brand maybe not i need to go on your site okay well it depends how big yeah it's uh i like the the we vibe um what's it called the pivot i used to have it in my drawer here i don't it scratches next to your pencils mary poppins with sex toys fucking joke i literally have this in here but i um i would say yeah well they stretch so i would just use a lot sorry to talk about a lot of it no we put it on before you could actually put it on before he's erect oh you could that's kind of thing no some of them you do there's one

called the verge that they make we vibe makes that you're supposed to put on before then like who remembers like you're like he's already wrecked how do you what do i do like think about your grandmother let's try to squish this on here um yeah it should work and it should feel good again cover it in lube cover your hands in lube slide it down like like a donut and on that note you can listen to sex with emily uh every tuesday and friday wherever you get your podcast she is the best she has amazing guests but also as as you just saw we love her and she gives you no bullshit and i'm already raring to go and yeah i'm inspired i'm inspired good sex go have some sex live your best life in front of a mirror

um and you can follow emily at sex with emily and um doctor thank you for coming to town love you thank you for having me love you girls see you next tuesday see you next tuesday thanks for listening the lady gang is produced by alex ingbert will sterling steve delameter and Jared Monaco. Make sure you subscribe, rate, and review our podcast. And if you love it, share it with your friends on social media.

Like, oh my God, I just listened to Lady Gang. This episode's so great. It's why I love to listen. And if you really want to, which we know you do, please follow us on social at Kelty, at Becca, at Jack Vanek, and at the Lady Gang.

Sign up for our newsletter at theladygang.com and join our secret Facebook group. It's super fun. See you next Tuesday. This is Heather Dubrow from Heather Dubrow's World, and I have an exciting giveaway for you. Five lucky people will win a gift bag valued at over $500, including a pair of designer sunglasses, some special Dubrow merch, and a handwritten note from me. To enter, go to Apple Podcasts, subscribe to my show if you haven't already, and leave a

five-star review. That's all you have to do. I'm going to select five lucky people to get the gift bag. Include your Instagram handle so we can contact you. Winners are going to be announced on my show on May 6th. Good luck.