LadyGang - Sex with Emily is Back

Episode Date: June 20, 2023

Doctor or Human Sexuality, podcaster and author, Dr. Emily Morse returns to the podcast to share how you can get a smarter sex life. From communication, tantric breathing, toys and more, you���ll be on your journey to developing your sexual intelligence. Check out our amazing sponsors!!! AG1: Go to AthleticGreens.com/ladygang for your FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 free travel packs with your 1st purchase! Quince: Go to Quince.com/lady to get free shipping and 365-day returns on your next order! Chime: Sign up for a Chime Checking Account at Chime.com/lady  Blinds Galore: Go to Blindsgalore.com TODAY to get up to 50% off all custom blinds and shades! Order your FREE samples today! ThirdLove: Visit ThirdLove.com to get $15 off your first purchase!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

stop wasting your nights on a mattress that doesn't get you experience the most comfortable mattress in the world the sleep number smart bed at the touch of a button you can personalize your comfort choose firmer or softer adjust cooler to warmer and right now save up to twenty five hundred dollars during our massive labor day event hurry into your local sleep number store today because we have your number well what is this welcome to the lady gang that's amazing say that again the lady gang things are about to change around here each week we catch up with hollywood's hottest girl posse kelty knight becca tobin and jack vanik hello hello hello welcome to the lady gang i am becca tobin here with jack vanik and kelty night

Hello. Whoa. Hi. Hello. Hello. Well, it was a lot. We had a fun morning. We did have a fun morning.

And you guys look so cute. I'm just so happy to see you both. I could cry right now. I'm so happy. I miss you so much in my life. Really? Yeah. Oh, wow.

Thank you. I think because we took a month off. Like, we didn't have a get-together for a full month. And that's not normal. But this is why these, like, moments are so good. Because we're not sick of each other. It's not like we're on Lady Gang Tour being like, rude get me away from these bitches sweet jesus sweet hot jesus sweet hot jesus all right well

it's time for good week yes it is bad week oh no i have big news okay okay huge news i'm a college graduate she graduated you did this kind of silently are you kidding did you see my instagram stories where the whole time i was bitching and moaning about having to do it Yeah, but you didn't graduate. But then you just kind of stopped. Yeah, I did. Because I realized that I just needed to put my head down and do the work. And I really, I hate admitting this, but I didn't hate it as much as I thought that I would.

And even part of me now, I would never, never, ever, ever. But I'm like, should I go back to school for something else now? Like some sort of a graduate degree? but then I'm tired and old and there's nothing that I'm going to do that makes me as much money as podcasting. No. With a graduate degree. No, then you're going to be in debt. I sometimes think like, should I go to business school? And I'm like, I am business school. No, college is a scam for the most part. I think we're finally learning, but it is kind of f***ed up that like when you actually want to learn, it's like now we're too old to go to, no, you're not too old

to go to college, but it's like, I'm too busy to go to college, but I'd like to go back at this point yeah so but i did it i got my diploma uh sent to me which was really exciting are you gonna frame her i sent it to my mom because that's what i did it for yeah i was like this is for you you spent all that money shut your mouth yep i'm done yep so maybe i'll go to law school like kim k oh good because we pay a lot of money for lawyers and insurance and i would love to just put that directly in your bank account that would be actually really nice i don't know if i could do best for sure. I would not be good. I'd do it the way that I do most things. I would just barely get by. Um, okay. So that was my good week. Congratulations. My bad week is that. Have

you noticed Kelty in our shared calendar? Oh my God. Oh my God. I know what you're about to say. And sweet Jesus. I didn't want to bring it up. I get so excited because Zach and I have a shared calendar and then lady gang has a shared calendar while they are different colors. Sometimes it just pops up on my phone as a notification it's like sophie tell stay harry paris and i and i was like oh fun zach's like doing our trip or like you know it's so exciting oh my god where are we staying and then i look and it's jack's calendar her personal calendar and then she has flights to exciting places hotel reservations to exciting places and i'm home with a child finishing school and it's like she rubs it in our face not only on instagram yeah on the podcast but now in our

calendars we have to see her jet setting around the world without a care in the world and i'm upset let me just tell you guys i don't do this on purpose for some reason when i book a flight it goes into the lady in calendar i don't know what it is i actually you on purpose what i got so mad at these goddamn flights that i just started deleting them and i was like well i hope she has this info somewhere else oh no i was like you'll be like are we going to alabama on friday same i would sometimes get so excited i'm like oh we're doing something fun no no jack is i just deleted it was our france hotel it's so funny because it's not nice though oh oh wasn't it free no oh oh i i sophie tell jared wait in leon didn't you post a bunch from it

no that was in london oh okay all right well good then i'm glad you're not doing false advertising you didn't post a damn thing about it just in the in the calendar yeah just in our calendar okay i don't mean to you guys it's not like i'm trying to rub it in your face it just so happens to happen because i had freedom i had a taste of it there were a couple years where i wasn't on entertainment news i didn't have a full-time job i was just working on superfan and doing lady gang and like i went to paris by myself for a week i had a fun life i remember what it was like to be like oh i just want to go somewhere but you choose this life no i chose it and i love it but there are downsides the flaw is she's i went to canada for half a day you know what i mean that was wild

but you don't need to take this job but you're doing it you've chosen it and it's your reality but you could be a jet setting if you want and i will be okay very soon you know jack's right you didn't have to take this job no but i want it and i love it i really love it she needs it for her i know you do love it which is crazy yeah i think it's so crazy that she needs a job for her mental health when most of us need not a job okay i'm going because i want to complain about something on the internet too okay my bad week is if i see one more i don't know i'm paying people five grand comment on instagram oh my god what are these it's like the bot explosion yeah every time i post something i'm like oh a comment wonderful i'm paying five grants pizza slice pizza slice

pizza slice to the next 100 people who comment on d and i was like so then the lady gang was like oh you can go in and put your like words that you don't want to come up yeah and i was like but like i did it it's not filtering still like i don't know what to filter i hate it so much it makes me want to be off instagram and i love comments on my instagram post i was gonna say i think it just boosts your algorithm and like you know you've made it if you have a bot really yeah thanks jack okay you're a celeb my next my good week is i found the perfect word for all of us okay you know there's extrovert and then there's introvert yeah well there's a new one mid-trovert a mid-trovert is someone who like if they go out to the club they're gonna rage and you're

gonna have a night like when i'm at jack's wedding i'm gonna have a night yeah i can't wait i will be extroverted but the rest of the time i like to be inside in a bath reading a book alone yeah introverted but i'm i'm both i'm all i'm a mid-trovert there was a good meme that i saw because that also is how i am it's like i'm either doing all of the things or i'm recovering from doing all of the things like i'm either i'm either i don't kind of do a thing i'm either doing it all or doing nothing yeah and that's it extremes mid-trovert i like that you're welcome you guys can use it great i will use that okay um so my good week is jared and i went and saw our wedding venue i had you never seen it before no jared has never seen it i thought you went with her mom i

went i went with my mom in december it was raining a disgusting winter time like everything was dark so i had to really envision what it was gonna look like and then jared has literally only seen like the layout of the rooms and it's just been the logistical nightmare of trying to fit everybody into the yeah chateau so we finally got got to go see it we did our food and wine tasting We did all, like, I mean, tasting wine is so stupid. I'm like, yes, I like it all. And we did it on an empty stomach and got kind of drunk. It was so good.

The food is amazing, which is shocking. Yeah. French food is not my favorite. Well, it's a British chef. Oh. It's like a Michelin chef, which is pretty fancy. Wow. Hello.

His food's delicious. So it was great. And it was good to just, like, see everything and envision how we, like, got to go see the different places that we could do the ceremony. And it was really cute. so that's my good week i'm so excited and it finally feels real for jared because he was like i he was so disconnected from the whole thing so he's like it finally feels real the bad week is i was traveling obviously i was constipated as one is and i pooped my pants at the chateau

during the one in that white two-piece so it wasn't and i'm sorry for everybody that complains that i get very bathroom humory on here but like shit happens in a woman's body that you have to talk about who complains get out of here somebody was complaining about me talking about farting oh off so whatever pooping now your pants i had taken i have these chinese herbs that i take to keep me irregular and i took a lot a little extra that morning because i was like i'm so backed up i feel like shit we're going to the chateau i want to feel good so i like took him in the morning and we're doing you know it takes 10 hours to kick in babe no these ones don't these taste take about five okay so we're like doing the tasting and then i had to go to the bathroom

and i'm like i just start walking to the bathroom and you know just come yeah when your butthole is just like you can't not you can't squeeze it it's just water it's a little water control a little it wasn't like a full-on poop to my pants but like a little a little a little sharty kind of a thing to where i had to take my underwear off and go commando but i'm like i really hope somebody doesn't like when they're changing the little mini trash cans in the toilet like they see they're gonna know it was the bride i was the only person there like we were there in between like a wedding so it was not great it didn't make it squelch in my dress which was good but it was it was a whole situation did you tell jerry immediately when you returned immediately what was his reaction

Jared, what'd you think? He's like, ah, it happens. He's like a normal Tuesday. I'm not shocked when it's her. No, I'm not shocked when it's her. I'm either constipated or I'm shitting my pants. Again, I'm either doing it all or doing nothing. You're a mid-trovert pooper.

I'm a mid-trovert pooper. I do want to discuss something with you. I'm so glad that you're telling this story because we need to get on a poop plan for this wedding. No, my herbs. It's really important. My herbs are great. My herbs usually work. Are they great?

What are in these herbs? Rhubarb is the main. I got it from my acupuncturist. So they're, they're like, it's not like I'm taking. No, I'm into it. I'm taking a new herb. I think the women need to know. Oh, I'm taking one called Slippery Go-Go because my naturopath names everything.

Oh yeah. We talked about this on this week's podcast. I thought there was a different name for it too. Or was it? I was using it up for them, but it's yeah. Like whatever. I've, the real official name is Slippery Go-Go and it's like, you know, anyway, it's happy. Does it work?

It works great. Yeah. But I don't want you just shitting your pants or constipated on your wedding day. These usually work. I mean, I usually take them at night and they usually work in the morning. And then of last case scenarios when I have to take them in the morning. And it was just. We've got the bridal plan.

We've got the hair plan. We've got the makeup plan. We've got your intestine plan. No, this is why we're arriving a week early because I need to figure out my intestines before we get married. Like that's the main reason. I can't be constipated. The main reason.

It is. I'm not kidding. Okay. Put it in the calendar. All right. When we come back, let's do some podcasting. Shopping for clothes can feel like such a compromise. You're either saving up for that super expensive luxury item or you're going for cheap fast fashion that you know won't last.

That was until I discovered Quince. So you can elevate your wardrobe and it is high quality timeless pieces without paying that luxury price tag. They have so many must-haves like 100% Mongolian cashmere sweater which is chic beyond belief, $50, 100% European linen pants that are the most perfect summer staple for $40. They've got Mulberry silk skirts at $60, not to mention $50 Italian handbags, 14 karat gold jewelry from $30. It's amazing. I love it. Every piece that I've gotten from there, I've worn many times and such good quality. So shop with Quince today and discover the affordable luxury you deserve. Right now, go to quince.com slash lady to get free shipping and 365 day returns on your next order. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com slash lady for free shipping

and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash lady. This episode of Lady Gang is brought to you by AG1 by Athletic Greens. They are on a mission to empower people to take ownership of their health with a simple daily habit. AG1 is the all-in-one formula, makes it easy for me to cover my nutritional bases every day every scoop is packed with 75 vitamins minerals and whole food source ingredients of the highest quality it gives me major benefits like gut and mood support boosted energy and even healthier looking skin hair and nails go to athleticgreens.com slash lady gang i have been using ag1 for years it's so convenient and they had that in mind when they created this product you can live healthier and better without having to do a lot why take a bunch of different

things when you can just mix one scoop of powder and water once a day. And by the way, it's delicious. If you're looking for an easier way to take supplements, Athletic Greens is giving you a free one-year supply of vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first purchase. Go to athleticgreens.com slash lady gang. That's athleticgreens.com slash lady gang. Check it out now. Good money habits start with your very first paycheck. And if you just scored your first job, you've got an opportunity to jumpstart a healthy financial journey. When you sign up for Chime and link a qualifying direct deposit, you get access to benefits like getting paid up to two days early and fee-free overdraft. And with Chime, there are no monthly fees, no minimum balance, and no deposit

required to become a member. So sign up for a Chime checking account today to link your paycheck. It only takes two minutes and does not affect your credit score. Get started at Chime.com slash lady that's chime.com slash lady chime is a financial technology company not a bank banking services and debit card provided by the bank corp bank na or stride bank na members fdic early access to direct deposit funds depends on payer spot me eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply see chime.com slash spot me you want to know what my evenings actually look like during back to school? The kids are overtired, there are homework questions, the dog's begging for a walk, and someone's yelling for a snack. And somewhere in the

middle of all that, I'm supposed to figure out dinner? That's why HelloFresh has been a lifesaver. Fresh ingredients show up at my door, locally sourced when possible. Simple, easy, step-by-step recipes, and no matter how chaotic the rest of my night gets, dinner is the one thing I'm not stressing about i'm just cooking a delicious meal my family will actually eat and it takes around 30 minutes and honestly the real value is knowing that even on the busiest school nights dinner's handled that's one last thing and that matters do what i'm doing and take some stress out of your evenings go to hellofresh.ca right now get 11 free meals free shipping and free sides for life but only with code easy dinner that's 11 free meals free shipping and free sides for life but

only with code EASYDINNER at HelloFresh.ca Now back to the Lady Gang. Our guest today is one of our first friends in the podcast world. We met her, she gave us a vibrator, and

we were hooked. She's the leading sex expert and a doctor of human sexuality and the host of the number one rated Sex with Emily podcast. She's also got a brand new book, which I'm holding right here and it's excellent called smart sex please welcome back to the podcast the love of our lives the love of our vaginas and vulvas dr emily morse yay hi guys so good to be

back hello it's so good to be back i was just thinking of you yesterday because in addition to sending this fantastic book which is really game-changing um even for you it's game-changing uh she sent us a box of vibrators and i wanted to let you know that i used one of them yesterday i thought of you while i was masturbating and i knew that you would be so proud of me which one is it i know it was like blue and it's like a tiny little bullet and it has little beat like beads on the bottom of it oh i don't even know anyway okay it was probably by jeju maybe a really great i sent you a box to uh play with i love that i love that our relationship started with a vibrator. You literally changed our lives with the womanizer. Like that, I think

was such a pivotal moment in lady gang history is once you gifted us the womanizer the first time. And then we literally all went back and used it like within 24 hours. And we're like, this has changed our lives. Right? Exactly. It's really stimulates those nerve endings. It makes you feel things in your vulva that you never thought even existed. And now that we know it has 12,000 nerve endings instead of 8,000 nerve endings, um, even better, even better to play with it. I was trying to look it up. I feel like you wrote a book before. I did. I wrote a book called hot sex that came out in 2010, but it's out of print, but this is the book. This is the book. This is my heart. This is my, this book is my life's work of almost 20 years of sex

advice tips it's everything's in there plus a new layer of it that is how people can start to feel more sexually intelligent so I have five pillars of sex IQ that I wrap around all of the tips so people can kind of understand how to use the tips and what is the sex IQ no we all do and we're always working on it so it is the thing about the sex IQ is it's you know when you think about sex. For so long, sex has been siloed for wellness, right? We have like our mental health, our physical health, but sex is always this mysterious thing on the side. But what I want people to understand with sex IQ is that it's really part of your overall wellness. So paying attention to these five pillars of sex IQ are going to help people understand how to be ready

for sex, how to be turned on. We have a sex IQ quiz on our website. But really, it's just that it's things that we need to do anyway. But what I found is over the years, people do want a quick fix and I can give people a quick tip. I can give you the right vibrator. I can give you the right blowjob move. I can tell you the sex position, but our wellness, these pillars are a huge part of it. So for example, we might, if we are doing like some great moves and we are communicating with our partner, one of the pillars is collaboration, but we don't feel great in our body. We've had a lot of body hate. We feel very disconnected. We don't love our Volvo. We don't love our body. Then we get to the bedroom. It doesn't matter all the moves that we have and

all the toys we have. It's going to be really hard to show up and be present. So this book allows people to kind of look at these pillars and say, well, how's my health doing? How, how's my communication doing my partner? How well do I know my sexual history? So that's what that's sexual intelligence. Wow. I love it so much. I want to just take everyone to page 139 in your hymnals, please. Um, so this is actually game changing. Um, so this, this, she has an exercise. So what's cool is that throughout the book, there's like these exercises, there's, it's kind of broken up to all these sections, but there's just a lot to take in. And this exercise is called 69 questions. And I, you know, I've talked about this a lot, but like, I'm about 10 years married.

I've been in the same person for a long time. And to be honest with you, like life has changed. We're definitely past that, like high school makeout, like, you know, sorry that I'm talking about this, Chris, you're gonna be so mad. But anyway, my point being is like, how do you like tell someone that has been sleeping with you for 10 years, that you actually don't like this thing, or you really want to try this thing. It can be incredibly awkward, Emily, because you're like, I love the ego of it of like, wait, they're thinking this whole time. You don't like this, like whatever. So I love this 69 questions. She has this game of you play, you sit down facing one each other, you stare deeply to in each other's eyes. And the first person to blink goes

first. And the game, the questions are really interesting about yourself and about the other person. Some examples include what celebrities turn you on. Ooh, what part of your body do you find the sexiest? Um, and then it keeps going like what kills your arousal? Um, what embarrasses you sexually? Um, when have you lied about, I mean, it is so intense and I actually, Chris and I is coming home from work trip. We're going to do this tonight. I think it's going to be such a fun activity. Why does this work and how do we long-term relationship girls? Yeah, you're all in it. Exactly. Well, I'm so glad you found use to these questions because that's what happens in long-term relationships or really in any relationships, a lot of relationships. We don't

often talk about these things at all. We just hope we kind of close our eyes and get in the bedroom and hope for the best. We don't really know, but I hope that was good. Was that good for you? I don't know. Did it work? And so this gives people, um, a fun game to play actually, and a tool that sort of outside of yourself, you're like, well, let's just play this game. And then learning from each other. And these questions aren't too intense. Like what overwhelms you during sex? What freaks you out sexually? And this works because as you guys know, I always say communication is a lubrication. And the more we talk about sex in a healthy way, it's going to impact our sex overall. And I think why this works also because it's not threatening. It's kind of

fun. And you're just going to learn a lot about your partner and in ways where, you know, other things, like other things in life are just easier to talk about. But in this book, I give so many different hacks and ways to do it because I know after all these years, it is so hard for people to talk about sex, especially in a long-term relationship, because we don't want to offend our partners. We don't want them to feel bad. We, you know, we just, and so we just, sometimes we just stay mute and we know how that goes. Right. Then you don't want to be banging them at all. Yeah. Cause you don't have your, your needs met. So. Also this to me sounds exciting because a friend of mine, a good girlfriend of mine,

who was married for a very long time, she's like, the reason that we want to, we stop wanting to have sex with our husbands is because they become family. You're doing all your life with them and it's almost like this is up but she's like i have a brother and i'm not telling there's not a lot of difference between living now i've shared a home longer with my husband than i did my brother and we're it's the familial thing is amazing and it gives you security but then you start to look at this person in a non-sexual you're part of the family type of way and so these questions can give you like just an exciting like you think you know everything about somebody moment where it's mysterious. It's fun to find out that your husband thinks that

Charlize Theron is hot. Like to me, that would be so exciting. I'd be like, I didn't know this about you. This is like, it's like, we're dating again. You're not my brother. It's, it's, it's a nice thing. That's such a great point. Yeah. It's, it's true. These are things that you probably never talked about before. And it is hot. The other thing is it's kind of like foreplay. Like I did this with my boyfriend too, and it's really hot. And now we keep talking about it and now it becomes, we have new things to talk about. Right. Cause he's like, Oh yeah, you think this person's hot or you know it just becomes new jokes but it's also turned us on talking about sex because it was new material it was like oh i didn't know you think that was kinky or i didn't

know you that forbidden fantasy so yeah it works this is something that i saw in a book because i've wanted to know you know yeah forbidden fantasy is but i don't want to just ask it after i'm like washing the air fryer at night you know what i mean yeah and then it makes it it's just kind of like open conversation after that and probably now kick starts all these other you know things that you're thinking about and wanted to ask and it's not as awkward especially yeah kelty you're so right it's like the longer that you've been dating somebody the more awkward it is to have those conversations if you've never had them in the beginning of your relationship exactly you're like why now why now and then and then they think what did something wrong with me

so you could yeah blame it on you know blame it on us blame it on emily yeah blame it on me i always tell people that i'm like blame it on me and people also do this with the podcast they'll listen to it with a partner with sex with emily because it normalizes it like whoa she just said we should be having a threesome. No, I never recommend that you have a threesome unless you want to. But anyway, you know what I'm saying? It's not going to fix the relationship, I'm sure. Exactly. I have a question Hollywood style, because this book is coming out in the middle of what is the biggest cheating scandal in Bravo history. And there's been so many things that have happened in this cheating scandal. And, you know, Tom Sandoval, so I know we want to like not talk

about this anymore because everyone's sick of it but i do think there's like a very interesting sex thing here it freaked me out because i am in this point with my husband and i'm we're working on it but it's like we're so busy that like just spending time together is like so important to us right now that we're not like being like bunnies at this moment in our lives and i'm we're gonna get that back to there but i was like oh my god am i ariana because he was like you didn't ever want to have sex with me like you you were we weren't all the time so then i went and found someone else and then like the t-shirt on i'm like sometimes i need to keep a t-shirt on like the whole thing what are your thoughts oh my god i i think i i just think that those are people that

are not really communicating about sex they're not really involved around sex it shouldn't get to the point i mean the goal is not to get to the point where you're like i gotta go find someone else out there my mission on the planet is to get people to be with a partner who has a growth mindset around sex who knows how to talk about sex so it doesn't get to the point of like cheating and then telling about wearing a t-shirt like who doesn't wear a t-shirt you start having sex you're wearing your t-shirt maybe it comes off maybe it doesn't but like you're in a long-term relationship with someone who's still wearing lingerie all the time so the point is if you get to a point in a relationship where you're not having sex you want to be with somebody who's

like hey babe this is really i'm really bummed we're not having sex but can we figure out what is rather than why aren't we having sex? Is there something I could do? Let's answer these questions. Do you know what turns you on? Do you have any resentments? I mean, this is where sex IQ really comes in because maybe there was something with her hormones, maybe because one of the big pillars is health. And I haven't been following it as closely, but for example, if I just went on an antidepressant or I'm on the birth control pill, guess what? I might not, not everyone on the birth control pill, but many people on antidepressants, you don't want to have sex as much anymore. or if i'm depressed that's one of the pillars another one is like i said self-confidence or

self-acceptance if i'm like really i'm not feeling out of shape i don't love my body that's going to be hard too if i'm not how fifth one is collaboration if i don't talk about sex to my partner i'm really not sexually so what i'm saying is what i think is missing here is yeah they could have they could have avoided all of this we could really just learn to talk about it without going off to the, the cheating place of the scandal. Right. I mean, especially, yeah, especially in that situation, it was like everything but sex. Like the reason why they weren't having sex is because she had the t-shirt comment was like body image issues. Like a lot of women don't feel confident in their bodies sometimes. So that's the reason why, you know, you're covering up because

you don't feel sexy naked. And maybe your partner isn't telling you that your body is amazing and that they love you and they make you feel confident. It's like, it's literally everything else and of course for the guy it's like we're not having sex but for the girl it's it's all those issues that you said connected you're not spending time together you don't like they hated each other so it's just like that for women it's you know there's a bajillion reasons why we might not be having sex and if you don't talk about them then yeah exactly that's exactly it and i think there are a bajillion reasons why and we don't often know so i think that in smart sex i help people decode. It's almost like in the book, I get people to sort of reverse engineer their arousal

because I don't know about you. Sometimes I'm like, why aren't I in the mood for sex? Because I really do this myself, this sex IQ thing. And then I decided to like, okay, why aren't I in the mood? Right? Like, is it my hormones? Is it that the house is a mess? Is it that I'm angry with my partner? Is it that I feel so we can figure it out. And then I think, when was the last time I was turned on? And then I go, what was happening before that? So everyone can do that. Like, when are you the most aroused? Well, a lot of us will say on vacation, right? Or like, right, right. Okay. But what could we sort of do? What do we know about vacation? Like, what do we, how could we somehow create that? But let's say it wasn't the vacation. It was that time that we

went to dinner and we had that great conversation. I help people to identify their arousal styles. Like what actually, like, is it a great conversation? Is it working out together? Is it, you know, so just because, because it's not desire for sex doesn't just hit us over the had anymore. Like I did at the beginning, we're not going to be like, I can't wait for you to come home, like rip my clothes off. Like it just doesn't happen anymore. But if we know sex is important, then it's on us to figure out how to make sure it happens as well as our partners. There's so many women in my life who are married with small children and they constantly say to me, to each other, like all of us, it's like, if he would just take initiative in taking care of the

stuff around the house, if he would just take initiative of, of cooking a meal, if he would just do this, this and this. And I think a lot of them are communicating that, but there's something like, you're really great. You know how to like speak man in a way that like you can like get their stupid brains to understand things. Like I say, I luckily don't have a situation. I have like probably the opposite where my husband does everything around the house and I'm it's, it's great and it turns me on and so for my friends who are dealing with this they've said the thing like if you do the laundry i'll you but but is there a better way to get that message across or like how much do you say that like it's so hard i it's so hard it's funny you say that because i

just wanted to find this thing i just read today laurie mintz is also a great sex doctor on her instagram she said one fixable cause of low desire among women partner with men is inequitable division of household and child related tasks tasks research research shows women do more of both resulting in stress exhaustion and less time for self-care like that's research right so i just love i just i literally saw that two seconds before we came on and so i think saying to them is like so this is the thing rather than just like you never help with the housework or i really need you to it's it's this whole like next time you're in date night which by the way is a there's been so much research and studies of this show that couples who prioritize date night, like they do

everything else is, is just, they really have better sex, more pleasure, all the things. So whenever you guys are in a good place, you're talking, the tone has to change too. I have this timing turf and tone, which I know we've probably talked about before, but these are my three T's for healthy communication. And the tone is really, Hey babe, you know, it's light. It has to be compassionate, open, and you say, you know, I, I really think our sex life and our intimacy is so important. And as you know, with a baby in life, it's been really harder to find myself, you know, more turned on, but I know, you know, when, when I see you, you know, emptying the dishwasher and folding the laundry, it really allows me to feel more loving towards you. And I think it's actually

really hot. And then I feel like I get more aroused and turned on. And so I think that would really be do so well in our relationship. If maybe you could just commit to a few times a week, emptying the dishwasher. So it's like that rather than I really need you to vacuum. Right. Right. It's like the positive reinforcement rather than like, yeah. Like focusing on the lacking or the negative. Yeah. One of my friend's therapists, they have a couple's therapist. And she said that he was like, my, my wife does this thing that I I know what she's doing, but it works every time she'll say, she'll say, Hey, Hey babe, I need, I need your strong muscles right now to take this garbage out.

Like she'll literally say, I need your strong muscles like a child. And he's a 60 year old man. And he's like, I jump out of my chair cause I'm like, I need it. And it's for my muscles. Caveman brain. It's exactly it. That's it. But it's all of our tone.

I realized that too. Something about tone is very like people pick up on it or even at work, my employees, I'm like, I sound really angry and I'm not right. So we have to check that. Yeah. It's about, you know, take a few deep breaths. Your partner wants to be a good lover to you. If you're with somebody and you love them, we just got to figure out the language to get them there. I love it so much. This whole book, smart sex, which you were talking about, what I love in the beginning is that you went into the stuff where it's been coffee, water cooler conversation where we're like, Oh, you're on this drug. That's why you have no set. Your hormones are off all these

things. Like we've been trying to really drill into our girls. And I love that there's this whole beginning and you you talk about health in a real way because it really does i just i was just telling becca the other day like i lowered my dose of prozac and it's like all of a sudden i'm like all i think about is sex and i have not had that in so long because it was so high um so it really is a big deal but uh in smart sex emily of course is not gonna leave us high and dry without the good stuff like it's not all oh my god communication and pillars she's got some she's got some sexy shit in here. And when we come back, we're going to talk about tantric breathing. Blindsgalore.com can help you give any room an incredible makeover with custom blinds,

shades, or shutters. Their huge 4th of July sale starts June 28th, and you can celebrate with up to 50% off all custom blinds and shades. Order your free samples today to get started. Blindsgalore.com is family owned and run and was the original place to buy custom window treatments online. And they're celebrating 25 years in business this year. So you can get the look that you are going to love no expensive interior design necessary you can do it all right from your home just take measurements and customize online you'll even be able to see exactly how your blind or shade will look on screen before you buy it's a designer look without the designer price tag that's right order your free samples today so you'll be ready when blinds galore fourth of

july sale starts next week and everything will be up to 50 off visit blindsgalore.com today let them know we sent you that's blindsgalore.com enjoy your new beautiful shades or blinds or whatever your heart desires that's blindsgalore.com the wait is finally over third love's it bra aka the 24-7 t-shirt bra is now available in a timeless and versatile white shade most bras suck so third love decided to make a better one with a smoothing band and no slip pleated straps all day comfort and support is possible in 13 colors including seven shades of neutral available in 60 plus sizes you'll walk away with a bra that actually fits making every day a great boob day don't believe us the 37 000 plus five star reviews prove that this bra is the real deal

visit thirdlove.com to find your fit and shop their best-selling bras get 15 off your first purchase you're listening to the lady gang okay so we're back please turn to 49 in your hymnals of uh dr emily's smart sex how to boost your sex iq and own your pleasure book so she talks about tantric breathing this is one of those things the only thing i know about it is that sting does tantric sex with rudy or studi or his wife's name sorry trudy and that's all i know about it and i'm very interested and you said tantric breathing and then it doesn't go into sex, but it's sexual energy. Explain what it is. We're going to do it. Okay. I love that you said this first off because everybody thinks that

they think of sting. I don't want to have sex for 11 hours. No, exactly. No one does. Tantric breathing is basically about looking into your partner's eyes, which some people that's really challenging thing to do. You just look and then you breathe. That's all it is. That is basic tantra. You could wrap your legs around them. I kind of explained this position where you're both in the lotus position facing each other, but someone's on top and you wrap your legs around them. And you just sit on each other's laps and you start to, you'll realize that when you, when you make eye contact with your partner, your breath will eventually start to sync up. But I also encourage you to start breathing together and you look into it after a few minutes, you're

going to start to feel more deeply connected with your partner, and this will activate your sexual energy. And you'll start to feel a circulation. You'll start to feel it. It's all in our pelvic floor. This is where it's all happening. This is like the power source, the magic. So if you're breathing, looking into each other's eyes, you're sitting pelvis to pelvis, you can really start to feel energy. And you can do a little kegel as you're breathing. You can start to pump those orgasm muscles and that's really what basic tantra is and it's intimacy and it's going to get you aroused and turned on um and then over here on page 107 we have a diagram of all the sex toys and i have some questions um obviously here the suction toy is what you've

taught us about that we love so much i have a couple questions here has anyone in the lady gang used this the sleeve is that just like a flashlight i don't even know what it is i saw this it's a masturbation sleeve it is like a flashlight and it it's basically a silicone sleeve that men can use to masturbate or you could use it on them at nights where you're this is what i love mutual masturbation is one of my top tips for couples if you don't want penetration you're like i'm gonna get off are you gonna get off grab your sleeve i'll even sleeve you i'll do my thing let's go to bed i do that all the time with my partner to be honest like because sex is so centered on penetration sometimes we just don't want it but we both want to have an orgasm so

that's what the sleeve is i love that there's so many cool sex toys for penises now it used to be all about women but it's not yeah and i also have another question for legging has anyone used the wearable couples toy and yesterday actually work yesterday yesterday yes i love you my husband so my husband like his he's gonna he's gonna kill me if any of our relatives are listening please don't ruin christmas turn it off he he ordered this and he was like i ordered this thing it's supposed to be great it got really high reviews or whatever i think my issue is so a part of it does go inside of you and so that's in you and then the penis is inside of you to me it was overwhelming. Like I think after a few drinks and if I'm like on peak, you know, like turned on

in this, that could be amazing. But I would say like there are toys that are used to get me in the mood. And then there's toys that I use once I'm in the mood to like elevate the mood. That's one that would elevate the mood for me. And I needed last night something like the womanizer to get me in the mood. Does that make sense? Yeah, totally. That does make sense. Wearable toys are cool because they go inside of you and outside though they're stimulating your clitoris and your g-spot or g-area and then the penis goes inside too so it feels good with the penis for some people but yeah if you're not already aroused this is why we love the suction toy it helps to have a clitoral orgasm first so just get aroused because once you got that blood it's

all about blood flow and i talk a lot about this book in the book too just so we understand our arousal runway what is actually happening to get us to orgasm so yeah you knock it take the womanizer you get that orgasm and then you can wear the wearable toy and then see how that goes i have a question for you what is because we all know how hard it is for women to orgasm during sex like it's almost impossible for the most part what is your recommendation for the best like wearable toy to wear during sex that can help women have like a clitoral orgasm during sex it's a great question i think again there's it's not one size fits all because we're all really really different but the wearable couples toy could do it for some women um dame products

makes one that's like i think it's called the eva and it like looks like a little bug and it's sort of that's not very sexy but it kind of claps around your labia it clamps around your labia but honestly at the end of the day you guys with toys i think just like a bullet vibe holding it against your clitoris while you're on top or on bottom. That's where it happens. And only 20% of women orgasm during penetration. So have your vibrators charged, have your lubricant ready to go on your nightstand. These are all the accoutrements. These are the things that we are required to have orgasm because only there's a huge orgasm gap. And that refers to many things. But one thing is that straight men orgasm in 99.9% of all situations, sexual situations, women's like 50%, 60%. So

charge up your toys, charge up your loop, make sure it's going to happen. So wearable toy, a vibrant cock rings, penis rings are great too, but again, not for everybody, but sometimes the vibrating ring that goes around the base of the penis. And then if you, you get on top of it, right. Or whatever, they put it inside of you. You could sit on top or they could be on top missionary, but it's hitting your clitoris. So that's what we need, right? When you're going in and out, or you could be grinding against it because it's a vibrating ring. So those are some of the top ones, a vibrating ring, a wearable C-shaped toy, the dame thing, or just any clitoral vibe. We just launched a marketplace at sexwithonly.com that I've been working on for a really

long time. It's really just all my top, top toys because it's so overwhelming right now. I think out there that people like, I don't know what I like. So it's, it's curated and we're excited about it. I just launched it the same day as the book. Amazing. Well, we're so excited about the book. Um, we ran out of time, but I want to let everyone know on two 58, there are 43 role-playing ideas that sex with Emily has given you everything from something for Jack Vanek, alien person who was abducted by an alien something for becca celebrity and her manager something for me fairy tale princess and prince oh i love them all i love it um this book is is really good and sometimes i will say if you're in a sex rut or you know something's going on just even like

getting into a book like this like starting to read it and it's like self-help for your you know your sex life and i i just think what you're doing is so fantastic the book is out now smart sex wherever books are sold listen to uh emily's podcast sex with emily wherever you get your podcast and you can follow emily at sex with emily i am so excited for you and congratulations this is such a hard thing to do um and thanks for spending time with us emily i love seeing you girls congratulations on all your success the baby jack's getting married kelty's got the best new job exciting you guys are killing it i love seeing you girls i love following you and seeing all your success every year you guys are just killing it enjoy some face down anal bye bye guys thanks for

listening the lady gang is produced by alex ingber steve delameter and jared monaco make sure you subscribe rate and review our podcast and if you love it share it with your friends on social media like oh my god i just listened lady gang this episode's are great swipe up to listen and if you really want to which we know you do please follow us on social at kelty at becca at jack vanek and at the lady gang sign up for our newsletter at the lady gang.com and join our secret facebook group it's super fun see you next tuesday see what hip blockbusters are streaming free during popcorn summer movies on pluto tv watch the first four indiana jones movies or minari and native honor plus pluto tv has hundreds

of channels with thousands more movies available on live and on demand download pluto tv on all your favorite devices for free pluto tv stream now pay never Thank you for watching.