LadyGang - SHADOW WORK #1 Quickie

Episode Date: January 9, 2025

It's time to open your soul, LadyGang! IT'S TIME FOR SHADOW WORK! When are you the hardest on yourself? What is the biggest lie you tell yourself? Can you splay your toes? Would you join your friends for a botox party? Do you have a hidden evil genius living inside of you? Do you like to splurge at Duane Reade? Are your parents STILL on your case about saving money? PLUS: What to do if you're a recovering slob kebab! We have deals for you!! OneSkin: Rejuvenate your skin! Get 15% off with code Lady at OneSkin.co - Let them know LADYGANG sent you! LadyGang is sponsored by BetterHelp! Visit BetterHelp.com/ladygang for 10% off your first month! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

It's time for a quickie. Podcast one presents the Lady Gang, the Hollywood girl posse with Lady Gang Quickie. Here's Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. Let's make this quick. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to Lady Gang Quickie. I'm Becca here with Jack and Kelty, and I just watched something so disgusting. Kelty has the soundboard at her feet, and instead of leaning over to push record with

her fingers she took her barefoot out of her slipper and used her big toe to press the record button yep i'm multi-dextrous i actually am too i can do a lot with my feet i can pick up a lot of items yeah i'm incredible like every one of my toes can move at different like yeah times like i feel like i'd be a good monkey my acupuncturist told me it's very important that we splay our toes every day oh for your for your body and for everything and i tried to have chris play his toes and he couldn't yeah like i think a lot of men can i can do a jazz hand with my toe yeah me too i can move my pinky toe razzle dazzle that's why people have toe separators yeah they feel i used to use those i use them too i don't know what they do what they feel weird yeah well i have a bunion

oh a slight bunion not like watch that it's gonna get worse you know but i know but i think this looked at my foot the other day and said i had a bunion i thought it was really rude yeah it's not great it's not good it hurts but such is life anyway we're recording we did it we recorded yeah thank you um today is a very serious episode of lady gang um just kidding well it is a little bit but here's the thing we are multi-faceted woman here at lady gang we can laugh and talk about celebrities we can make fun of each other for using their big toes for things that are current need normally used a hand for we can you know we get the riz we have the riz we have the dazzle we have it all you know the zaz the zaz but we also have a lot of feelings and a lot of times

when we actually share our real feelings that's when we get the most love from our community my point being is that like every once in a while we'll open up the vault of our souls and this and it will do it people love it they feel inspired by it so lady gang open your soul bring it out is your soul open jack here she comes okay it comes okay when here's the first question no what do you want to explain what i don't even know what shadow work is okay so shadow work is this thing that you do in therapy where you you're like your own shadow and you're asking yourself questions about like if there was a little jack yeah on your shoulder that followed you around and we asked that jack these questions and she answered answered them very honestly what

she would see so you're trying to like answer questions without ego without ego and without lying to yourself shadow was like the ugly part like the hard to face parts that you don't yeah well that's what they are what it is too okay i mean i was just making that up i know when you said it's like it's like your shadow i don't think it's actually no it's a little jack on your shoulder where the sunshine does not hit it's like how i feel when jack's podcasting but also texting in her group chat the whole time that wasn't a group chat i just got offered to go to a botox party oh will you go no it's shady i know that's shady i don't think you should go to group botox ever no not a groupon i am excited because i think i'm gonna get like a moxie peel

What's that? Where they like laser off your face. Oh, I'm fine. I know, I'm busy. I haven't had like one of those things, just age spots. Sorry. Anyway, back to us, back to the shadow work. Dun, dun, dun.

When am I the hardest on myself and why? Where does it stem from? When am I hardest on myself and why? Feeling like an unsuccessful loser. And that stems from being a loser and being rejected all the time. are you really hard on yourself? I mean, because, because devil's advocate on the podcast, you play it off. Like you play it from what I see on the outside. I see you as someone who has decided on this life that is going to be 99.99% rejection and is like, it's rejection.

And I know I'm going to get rejected. So I just get rejected and then I let it roll off. But isn't that a defense mechanism? Well, I, but there's a difference between like having a moment of, oh, I'm a loser again. And then, and then moving on. Yeah. I don't like dwell in the feeling of being a loser, but I would say that's where I'm the hardest on myself is like the first, you know, seven hours post. That's four hours.

You have the sads. No, it's not the sads. It's the, when I'm hardest on myself, when I'm like, you're a loser and it's been proven again. So like, okay, great. Let's do it again tomorrow. I love this feeling. It's awesome.

I feel alive. So yeah, I don't dwell in it. And I don't necessarily get sad. I just get like, oh, right. It's like the self-fulfilling prophecy or like, I don't know the terminology for it, but it's like, you know, when you believe something and then you just basically make it come true all the time. Yeah. Self-fulfilling prophecy for sure. So yeah. No, I just, I recently had something like that happen with me where I wasn't hosting the Thanksgiving day parade and I went to NBC who still has a parade and I was like hey like I would love to be involved millions of people have watched me host this for a decade like it would be cool to bring all those people over to this and they were like we're good who's hosting it yeah are they having a host I mean not that I

didn't even ask for a host position I was just like if there's like a man on the street or maybe there's like a tiktok live or like something to be in the mix yeah and be there but I mean it's like hoda like I'm not gonna take hoda spa like I get it got it yeah but like for a minute there i was like oh you're right i'm a loser and that's and then i got over you're not a loser the job doesn't exist anymore thank you jack i mean that's true you're right if it existed you still have that job it's not like they replaced you but you still but it's like when your tv show gets canceled you're like i'm a loser yeah it must be me it's gotta be everybody complained about me af yeah it was us it was my fault okay jack um i've just always been my own worst critic like

always about everything so it's not anything specific it's just how I am as a human um I think it stems from probably undiagnosed OCD in a sense and my perfectionism that I know is like a genetic thing my dad has the same kind of thing but I've always been like that I think I've talked about it but like on the on the podcast but when I was like a kid and I'd like make all these drawings and I was such a good artist when I was a kid and I'd like crumple them up not thinking that they're good enough. So it's just like in my DNA, I think. Yeah. But I'm the hardest on myself when people question, like I can take rejection and I can take all of those things. But when people like question my integrity as a human being, that's when I am like, oh my God, I'm a terrible

person because I might have 20% terrible person in me. Like a little bit of that evil genius has to be evil. And I know the reason I've been successful in Hollywood is because I have that 20% ruthlessness and that's like, I'm fine with that. Like I'm okay. I think the ratio is okay, but like, I know I'm ruthless and I know that I will like cut a bitch if I need to. I mean, I don't often do it and I do it very silently. You will also only do it if somebody really Yes. But when people see that part of me and they call me out on it, that's when I'm like, Oh my God, they know you're a terrible person. You need to run and crawl in a hole. You need to stop doing this. Like that's when I'm so hard on myself. Like people can tell me I'm ugly all

day on the internet. It doesn't really, I mean, I, it's funny. It kind of affects me, but like, I would say it's like pretty water off a duck's back. But like when someone is like, you're a bad person I'm like oh they know does that happen often no but when it happens it really messes with me yeah like it just happened something we're doing for lady world someone like was like oh I don't know like if this is and I I was like so sad for a few days because I was like oh my god they know like everyone knows I'm a bad person my secret is no I know it's very strange and the reason it's where it stems from is I think that I have always until really this podcast and you guys got it out of me, I've always hidden my evil genius. Like now it's a joke with us that it's

like the evil genius, but like I, I sort of as a kid and I was much like you, Jack, like trying to be perfect, trying not to like rattle any feathers, trying to make my family is just like very peaceful. And then I got to be an adult and like, I really hated it when people were like, oh, you just married that guy for a green card. And I was like, no, I didn't. Like he was my boyfriend. We never talked about getting married. He proposed to me. I felt like gaslit, but like he was my boyfriend and I really loved him, you know? And like, I tried, I went into it and I was like, okay, I'm going to move to New York. I'm going to be this Italian wife. Like I tried to learn how to cook. Like I really, really, really tried. But was there 20% of me that was like,

well, this is great. I get to live in New York city where my dreams come true. That's totally fine. There is not a single person on the face of this earth that is like 100% good natured all of the time. Also you're allowed to acknowledge perks of certain people, certain relationships, certain things. It doesn't mean that that's why you are friends with those people or with those people in relationships there are people there's a very big difference about between people who their priority is to get things for them selfishly so it's like no interaction is genuine no relationship is genuine you're not one of those people no at all because you don't use people you don't use people i know i could use them more i really could

the lady gang what's the biggest lie i tell myself consistently oh what's yours i'll save money tomorrow that's so true i am the world's worst person with money not that i go around i just have no discipline so i'll justify i'll have like a oh my god i walked out the door and i had a 300 day yeah and then i'll justify it and i'll be like it's fine the rest of the week i won't spend money and then the rest of the next day comes around it's this is so funny becca because you don't buy anything big no dude those little little things add up the little that's what i do and i think that this is the way that

i spend money like i'll admit i don't look at prices in a grocery store i feel very fortunate that I don't need to do that. I don't check prices of things on Amazon. I mean, I do on Amazon, but there are some things that I don't pay attention to. And the reason is, is because I spent my twenties in New York on a tight budget and I'll never forget going into a CVS and thinking to myself or Dwayne Reed, I can't buy enough tampons this month because I don't have $6 or thinking like one day I'm going to come in here and I'm going to buy four lip glosses just because I want to yeah yeah you know that like feeling of just the frivolous spending it was never like I can't wait to make money and buy a house it was like I can't wait to make money

and go on a shopping spree at Duane Reade yeah because that's more important yes and and like restaurants like if I'm out at a restaurant to eat which is not often anymore I'm not checking to see the prices on the thing that I'm ordering well this is so crazy this is what my I don't know if your parents do this but like my dad and I will go out for dinner and he's like I'm like well do we want to get an appetizer? He's like $16 for an artichoke dip. No like that. And I was just like, oh my God, like I'm having dinner with my dad. Like I'm so happy. I see you three times a year. We're getting the artichoke dip. We're having the artichoke dip, but I understand that that's a privilege, but like, I agree there's certain times where I'm just like, but I think it stems

from the fact that I used to be like, I just recently found a journal entry from New York and I was listing all the things that I was really thankful for. And this was like in 2006 and it said, I have $381 in my bank account. And I was like, Oh my God, I am rich. Do you know what I mean? And like, so I never, yeah, I hear you. Yeah. So those are the things that's still the way that I live my life. Like if I'm at a grocery store, if I'm at a, and I actually have gotten, I did follow through on one thing, which was my Amazon. I, I only buy things that I absolutely need on Amazon now. Cause I had to reign that in. because it's so easy it's so easy it's so easy but I'm I have to say that I've mastered Amazon

mine's funny because it's money related too but like sort of in the opposite but not really like the lie that I tell myself is I'm gonna go broke every single day oh well yeah like I and I think it stems from I mean I didn't grow up rich like my parents aren't rich they're like middle class um but when I was like getting really big with like the Jack Vanek brand when I was 21 years old. I was so young and I was making the most money I've ever made in like two years than I've ever made since then. But the way my parents were like, you're saving this money. You're not spending a dime of it. And at the time I was sharing like a one bedroom apartment or a studio apartment with one of my friends, like we were sleeping in the same room. Like I could have rented a super

expensive apartment, but my parents are like, no, you're going to do that. And you're going to not touch your money. And I think it's obviously the best thing that they've ever done. But there's a part of me that still has that like not frugal but it's scarcity it's like I think about it like all the time I'm like next year I could be making no money like I don't know but I've saved my money that that's never gonna happen the way that I've like been good with money but I always am telling that myself that yeah and I'm so grateful that I have Jared that's like so great with like money stuff and he's like helping me with my savings and my taxes and all that kind of stuff then I'm like I can trust him and I trust my dad helps me with it before but like I I don't know

there's something about me that like money scares me yeah I think a lot of women we've talked about on the podcast yeah it's like it's just a terrible terrifying thing yeah I'm I'm sort of the opposite because I'm like that's my power yeah like I well you're very like I'm so you dive into it yeah I like love like yesterday I was like excited about tax season so yesterday I literally looked at my credit card and i was just taught i was looking at all like how i bought almost nothing big this whole year other than like the car yeah and i was like what did i spend my money on and then it's like uber amazon the uber eats like i was just like oh my god i spent like so much money on nothing like i'm so mad at myself i'm like i need to like be better anyway about like buying

something big that's like gonna be i know i'm always mad at myself when i go and i do those stupid things like tinker toys stupid door dashes and yeah and the like run to whatever weird place i'm like i at the end of this week i like probably could have saved a thousand dollars yes and i would have much rather like had an intentional spend of a thousand dollars or an intentional save of a thousand dollars yes but i mean that's kind of like the world we live in it's a really hard thing to break and also things are expensive life is expensive because even when you just do the bare minimum of what you need it's like toilet paper no paper towels like 20 bucks and shampoo and all the things you need to just be like an adult is hard it's a it's a lot

of money yeah yeah it's crazy um the biggest lie I tell myself consistently is that I am um like okay I don't know how to say this but I need you guys to really understand okay so I get up in the morning, I'll go to Pilates. I'll like, you know, work in the yard or like not the yard work, but like I'll sit out there or I'll sit in the office and email. And like, I'm in my sweatsuit, like no makeup, no hair, whatever. And then I'll go to E and then they put me together. So that's like my normal day. Right. Unless we have something in the morning, the lie that I tell myself is that like, I am pretty, but like, I know that I'm pretty. So it's not about being pretty, but it's like, we've talked like in your twenties. I mean, I was hideous in my twenties, but like you could run

around in your sweat pants and it was like kind of cute. Like I'm a slob kebab. Like I know I'm a slob kebab. I go to work in like a slipper. Like the other day, one of the makeup artists was like, Whoa, I've never seen you wear a pant before. I've worked here for two years. You're telling me I have never arrived to work in not a legging or sweat pant or a onesie. Like I'm kind of a disgusting slob but I'm presenting myself like I'm pulled together and that's one thing that really bothers me about myself is that I want to like I want to be but here's my question I know exactly what you mean and I think a lot of women go through this I think there's a lot of women especially since 2020 where you can do so much of your work at home yeah or if you don't

have a job it's now become so except so acceptable to go out in clothing we would never would have been caught dead in hair not done yeah like I'll catch myself in the mirror or like walking by and I was like I can't believe I'm out in public I do the same exactly that's literally how I live 99% of my life but do you feel when you do put the pant on do you feel better do you feel better about yourself because yes I actually used to be the type of person that just felt like it was wasted energy to do the thing to put myself together yes but then Emily Loftus on a mutual friend of ours she was talking about how she had a client she does personal styling she has a client who just feels really bad about herself right now like she's postpartum she doesn't feel comfortable

in her body she's tired blah blah blah and emily was like just do one thing every day put on mascara just put on a little something that makes you whatever that your mascara is right whether it's washing your hair whether it's the manicure we all have the thing that once you've done that one thing you're like, I can take on the world. Right. You want to spray tan. And I thought about that. And I thought I have been fooling myself a little bit into thinking it doesn't affect how I carry myself through the day. If I don't put myself together, it's so true. It's so weird. It's so true. And it's like, you know, and people will be like, Oh, well you shouldn't dress for anybody else or the guys or whatever. But it's like, it really is something for yourself. It's

self care. Yeah. It's like, cause there's been times like I'll go down to Pilates, you know, they have a million mirrors and I'm like just nasty and I like look in the mirror and I'm like and then the times that I go and I have like my matching set on and like a nice bun in my hair and like have washed my face like I actually do feel better yeah and I'm like it's just such a weird thing and the reality of it is is like whether or not you like it or not people treat people who are put together differently like a hundred when I go out in the world to put to put together. And I'm not saying decked out. I'm saying just like clean hair, a little bit of makeup, an outfit. Like I get treated differently. People are nicer to me. Yeah. Well, and also it

kind of like trickles down to my marriage. It's like, yes, you're with this person that, you know, loves you unconditionally. Like, yes, we're married, but it's like the amount of, I've gotten into this thing where i know chris is like i love you without makeup like i don't like all that stuff on your face and like i come home from e and i have like all the makeup on we eat dinner together and he's like but like now i've taken a step too far where i'm like oh you like me without makeup so you like me as slob kebab yeah those are not the same things no do you know what i mean because i came out of the closet the other day and i had like a great mini t-shirt kind of cropped and a gray sweat pant but i had like had my hair washed and like skin on and like obviously i have

skin on but you know what i mean like yeah like the skincare that makes you look glowy and pretty and he was like oh cute so it's not about like necessarily the outfit no but like i tried to like not just be like well this is this is also what my girlfriends and i were talking about last night we were having dinner and they were like i hate feeling like an old grumpy millennial but when i see girls with the zit stickers on their faces to me that signals that you haven't washed your face since you went to bed last night granted i think some people do wear them in the day now i No, but some of them are just doing overnight and then just kind of rolling it into the day.

Yeah. And they're like, I know that we do that too, but we at least like put on the hair, the dry shampoo and like all the things to try to try to conceal. And to me, the sticker is like, I officially don't give up air. Yeah. And that's tough. Oh, see, I like it. I mean, it's like embracing your breakouts as a teen.

And I think that's cute. Like I like the new attitude, but I get it where it's like, I don't actually, when I'm sitting next to you on a Southwest flight. I, I don't, I want to know that you showered the day before. I don't want to smell your scalp. Okay. On that note, we have so much more shadow work. We'll have to come back and do this again. Great episode. Great episode. We weren't here for a long time. You're here for a dark time. Lady gang is produced by podcast one with podcasting production assistance from Steve Delameter, Derek Haley, editing by Jared Monaco and social support from Kali Carrera and Mastermind Evil Genius from Kelty Knight.