LadyGang - Shedding a Tear with Jenny Hutt

Episode Date: April 4, 2023

Podcaster, radio host and lawyer, Jenny Hutt joins the podcast to help everyone live their best lady lives. From trying to hard, finding your identity and dealing with grief, her resilience shines. Check out our amazing sponsors!!! Stamps: Use code LADYGANG at Stamps.com for a special offer that includes a 4-week trial, plus free postage, and a free digital scale! Gametime: Download the Gametime app, create an account, and use code LADY for $20 off your first purchase! Jenni Kayne: Go to jennikayne.com/home to get 15% off your first order when you use code [Ladygang]  at checkout! Lume: New customers GET $5 OFF a Lume Starter Pack with code "Ladygang" at LumeDeodorant.com  NextEvo: Go to NextEvo.com/lady to get 20% off your first order of $40 or more!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Lady Gang. Did you know we're now on YouTube? That's right. Well, 2,000 of you know, because that's how many subscribers we have. A dainty small number compared to the amount of people who listen to this podcast every week. And I'm here constantly judging myself and asking you that if you're a YouTube person, you enjoy content on YouTube, you want to watch your favorite podcast, but also watch them in video, you want to watch Callie sit on my lap, you want to watch me press the sexy mature button, you can head on over to YouTube and subscribe. By the way, in the next few weeks, we will also be posting complete episodes of Lady Gang TV. Are we going to get sued? Probably. But until we get sued, we're leaving them up. We're not taking them down.

So head on over to youtube.com slash the Lady Gang. Subscribe today, watch our podcast and also watch some great episodes of a TV show canceled way before it's time. Thanks in advance for your support. Well, what is this? Welcome to the Lady Gang. That's amazing. Say that again. The Lady gang. Things are about to change around here. Each week we catch up with Hollywood's hottest girl posse, Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to the Lady Gang. I'm Becca Tobin here with Jack Vanek and Kelty Knight. Hello. Kelty, you're in your tour tee. I am in my tour tee. Honestly, I have like five of them. I don't know. I think I just kept like instead of doing laundry, just like kept stealing them on tour. Yeah. I wear like one

like every day i wore one all weekend and then it's the best t-shirt on the planet i really like it we still have some we still have some left only smalls well if you're small honestly it's like you didn't even need to have come to the tour it's a really great tee that you can wear with jeans or sweats or whatever it's funny i used to be a white t-shirt girl and now i'm a black t-shirt girl and i just keep wearing the same one over and over again it's crazy my hair is not even in the shot anymore wow okay who wants to go steve jobs i know same outfit every day yep um it's time for good week yes it is bad week oh no um okay i'll go first okay okay long long ago i got a dm and i saw it i laughed hysterically and then i sort of just put it away

And then we were going out on the road for tour. And I think Alex also maybe received the same DM on the lady gang Instagram. We shared a laugh, blah, blah, blah. And then on the lady gang tour, you know, we did good week, bad week, and we had assets. So I was like, this is perfect. It's a picture that I can use for my asset, like on the big screen, yada, yada. And unfortunately it was too low resolution to use on a big screen and it wasn't going to work out. So I was like, God, when is it when am i ever going to do this but now we have youtube videos so we can put things in take them out put them on instagram whatever so we're better at doing that lately we're more savvy yeah so i got i got a uh dm and it said is this kelty as a mature older lady i don't know the

Kathy Hilton. Is that Hillary Clinton? It is me. It's a random woman. Wow. That looks exactly like me. It really does. The only thing, honestly, that's a little bit different is the eyebrows, but everything

else, that's you in your future. Hold on. Let me just put it up again. Paint the picture for these people that are listening. we will put this up on socials but it's i don't even know where this photo was taken from i don't because it's been so long that i received this dm and alex as well that like i'm like this is at some random like work conference event somebody stuck their like hand through a curtain on the side stage and took a picture of someone in an audience and by the way that person in the audience

was looking straight at the camera so they caught him also that picture looks exactly like my sister really oh my god like crazy because it's like you know i've hollywood my face a little bit so it's like a little different and my sister hasn't it's like no this woman i think has done a little hollywood to her face yeah really it looks like a little bit done maybe a face i mean it's the big ass forehead it's the resting bitch face i hope i don't have that like exact labial like heaviness sorry now i'm pulling myself up at some point anyway she looks great we're all gonna have it um but i just wow it's just so funny like it's us as older women so if anybody sees a photo of some old lady looking like me or jack in 40 years please we can put them together um was that did

that photo come that zoomed in or was it like yeah yeah so there's like no way to put it in context right like where is she i mean she looks like she's a boss bitch she looks like she's at a conference or she's getting an award for being like raising the most charity money she looks she looks rich too yeah she looks rich that is tailored honey that's amazing okay my bad week is lately i've been going to the gym that's like you know five minutes from the house it's like it's a great it's a great gym if i feel like i don't want to run outside and i want to be on a treadmill, yada, yada, yada. So I go with Zach in the morning sometimes and I'm starting to see like the regulars coming in and the regular, I didn't realize this cause it's been so

long. I was doing group fitness forever and now I just work out at home, you know, with my obey in my living room. So I, I haven't really been to like a proper gym sort of ever regularly. Yeah. So I'm at this gym and I'm just noticing like all these like really jacked couples coming in together like the women are like middle middle age but their asses are like tight rock hard and they're like sinewy and like they have banging bods and then the husbands are like tatted and they've got really tan like borderline like weightlifting you know uh bodybuilding bodies and i just love watching them but there's something that they do and i posted this on instagram the other day it's so weird these gym couples they always kiss each other on the mouth

in the middle of the gym like a peck or like a tongue no tongue but like uh that would be real i mean that's but sorry no like is it weird to kiss your hug like be like i'm going over to the weights and then i think it's so weird i think it is some of them even come um separately because they have their different routines whatever it is and so they'd come over separately to the gym so the woman will be there and she'll be like doing her weights and i'll be next to her and then a guy will roll in starting his workout and he'll come over and he'll like give her a little pat on the ass and then they'll kiss on the mouth. And I'm like, they just left the same house. I know what it is. I know what it is. What is it? And we're going to talk about this a little bit

later in the episode, but it's like, that's their identity that they're, they're a gym couple. This is romantic for them. Like this is their time together. Like that's, I feel like that's where they're connecting and they're like, yeah, they're, they're getting turned on and they want to have a little smooch and exchange some really sweaty saliva. It makes me feel so weird. I don't know why. It just makes me feel so weird. I don't like it. The only place I want to see people kissing like that is like maybe at an airport saying goodbye. You know what I mean? No, no other time. No, no. I just think it's that weird, but when am I kissing Zach on the mouth in public? that's pretty much it exclusively if I'm dropping them off at the airport to dinner or yeah no I

don't I mean outside of a restaurant I just don't I don't like the sweatiness of it that's where it's like it's the cleanliness that gets it for me like that's it's not for me yeah I just I don't know I guess uh to each his own I have to go next because mine has something to do with what you just said, Becca, um, my good week, I bit the bullet and I met with a real one-on-one hour and a half meeting astrologist, like a really well versed, crazy lady who had every chart, everything. And we spent an hour and a half and she basically was like, told me everything about my life. It the timeline completely matched up. It's super crazy. But anyway, the best part about it is that elder Kelty, who we saw in that photo just earlier, even though this is a podcast, um,

she was like, I'm reading your stars. And, and I'm like, I'm, I'm really freaked out about like, I've just been having this like crisis about, you know, when, as my parents get older and as my responsibility to take care of my brother increases, like what the am I going to do? like, how will I travel? How will I live my life? Like I've been so independent my whole life. Like what does this mean? And she was like, Oh no, no, no, no. You don't need to worry the best years of your life. Like your entire life from birth in 1982 to your death, whenever that is are 40, 48 to 60. She's like your chart from 48 to 60 is in fire. She's like, some people never experienced this level of cosmic perfection in their lives. Like the, everything is aligned

so perfectly. You are going to be absolutely like I S it's you're traveling and adventure and happiness and relationship. Like every single part of your life is going to be in perfect harmony, 48 to 60. Wow. That's going to be the time when you can finally like, well, I don't know if you'll ever stop working, but that's where you would think that maybe you could have your little retirement and then just go and experience have the goat farm yeah or i i was seeing something differently i was seeing that it's she's still working her ass off but she's just on a jet thriving on a jet traveling the world like you're like real rich yeah because i don't think i listen kelty i believe in you in so many ways but i do not believe you can be your most cosmic happy on

a hut without, uh, lipstick. You know what I mean? Like it's a goat farm is not where it's happening now. Yeah. Um, okay. So my bad week is so embarrassing. Um, so you guys know it's Oscar season right now and, or the Oscars are just ending. So I've just gone through award season. I'm sitting at the four seasons. I'm doing a junket for this movie called the whale and the whale is this movie with Brendan Fraser and he plays this character and it's a wild movie Anyway, so I have this thing ever since Jack and I's panic at the disco days where I'm very confused about if you're Brandon, Brendan, Brendan and Brandon are, it's a hard, like I'm already terrible at names. So I'm literally there and I am about to interview Brendan Fraser. I'm sitting

with my producer in this like room, they have a hospitality room. So it's like just basically a hotel room. They take the bed out and there's like places to eat and coffee and stuff and all the press waits there. And then you go over to the room where Brendan Fraser is to do your interview. And I'm sitting outside the door and the door's opening. And I'm just thinking it's like another person from the press, but it's Brendan Fraser walking out of the bathroom. And as he walks out, It's the exact time I turned to Rebecca, my producer, and I say, is it Brandon or Brendan? No. Just see him walk by.

And he heard me a hundred percent. And like, I've been interviewing this guy every week since January, since the beginning of Oscars. He's very shy. Yeah. And I was like, I had to walk in and be like, I know everything about you, but like, I didn't even know how to pronounce his name. And he heard me and I was so embarrassed and I was just like gobsmacked about the whole

thing. And I just like, I actually don't know like why I have this job. Like I f*** up all the time. I'm like the f***ing f***er of the world. I'm always doing things wrong. It's just amazing. Anyway. It's because you're that good at your job that like they allow the f*** ups.

They're like, she's just, she's, she's the best. When she's on, she's on. When she's off, we just meh. Two things. Let it slide. Number one, I just recently heard I'm on a podcast. You're not wrong. He's so shy.

He does not offer you a lot. No, really. but also I think his last name is Fraser. Did you say Fraser? Yeah. I think honestly, both his first and last name are spelled pretty phonetically correct. Okay.

Did you tell him you're also Canadian? Because that really will level things out. You know, that's true. I didn't, it was like one, it was one of the worst interviews I've ever done in my life. I gotta be honest with you.

He's hard to interview. Yeah. He's not. Because you want him to be like funny. You're like, you want him to be like the guy from the mummy that you like had a crush on in the nineties and he's not, and he's been through some shit and he's like, I'm not here to fuck around. And you're like, well, this is a dark eight minutes. Anyway, he's great. He's so nice. I think he's like

actually really like shy, shy, shy, shy. Yeah. Okay. Jack. Um, I'm going to go with the gym theme because I finally found a workout that I can do and that I enjoy and I am killing it. I posted about it on Instagram. It's the 3-12-30 or 12-3-30 workout. All you do is walk on a treadmill. You have it up at like a 12 incline. So you're like walking up a pretty big incline at three speed for 30 minutes. And it's such a good workout. And I like actually enjoy going to the gym. I look forward to it in the morning. I've been dragging Jared to the gym, which is crazy. Like I am the accountability partner in the relationship. And you would never think that about me with the gym certainly not no no congratulations thank you can i throw in there

because our bones are getting old a few while you're down there just do a couple like dumbbell exercises oh i have been oh good i've been doing some weights i just don't like cardio i don't like a big jumping around cardio it's just not for me i dread it like i don't like running i don't like any any fast cardio so this is it's good because it's slow but you're still your heartbeat's like going crazy um so yeah i'm proud of myself wow jack i love that getting myself to the gym um my bad week so i love a massage but i love i need like the hulk massaging me like i like a very very very strong massage like i want my back to feel like it's breaking i don't want like a swedish like a light touch like i need it very strong and my entire life i've never found anybody

that has gotten me to the point where i'm happy with the strength of the massage ever i finally found a girl right by me oh she's amazing however she talks no the entire time no i i do not talk back i mean i'll give her like a like tiny like one word responses but like she is a talker but i have to i have to just get through it because our massages are so where is this is this that don't say the name of the place but is it a spa or like a massage place like what is it it's a massage place i think you need to do something what i think you should call from a number that's not yours so it doesn't show up as jack my god you guys are psychos no i think you should call and say hi i recently had a really great massage by so and so

she's amazing i will come back every week but i need someone management to explain to her that not every client wants to have a conversation it's just crazy to me because like i feel like massages you just know that you shouldn't be having conversations no i you guys need to kelty this jack i mean becca that's a great idea if you're feeling like you're a jack i am i definitely do not have the strength to make that call. Okay. I walk in to my places and I like a facial, a massage, even a haircut. Now we've talked, we've talked about the haircut, but it's like a massage. They're like, how are you? And I, when they're like, how are you today? And I'm like, honestly, I'm super overwhelmed and I'm really excited. I'm going to zone out. Please

don't take it offensive. Like, I just want to be in silence. I've been looking forward to this. like, I'm just going to be really quiet. I'll let you know if I need something, but like, I'm just so excited about this moment for me. And then they shut up. Or maybe I could do something like when she comes in, I take out my AirPods and like put them in my ears. Oh my God. Oh, you know what you could say? Here's a good, that's a good point. I think you should say, Hey, I, is it okay with you? If I meditate during this, during this, I'm going to do, I'm putting on like a guided meditation and I've found that I can't calm my brain and i think that during a massage is the best time to do it like right let me know if you

need anything but i'm gonna try this because it probably would be lovely to have your own stuff in your ear yeah and this place doesn't really play any kind of music it's kind of just silent so i feel like that is like that's yes do it because i can't i've been to her so many times now because i'm like her massage is incredible and she's like i've never met somebody that can handle such a strong massage she's like other than like athletes coming in so i'm like yes break my back please but i can't chat i found a great girl in austin that now comes to the house she has the strongest hands i've ever felt in my life it's always the girls i love it so good all right when we come back we're gonna have a cry this episode of lady gang is brought to you

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gets you to sleep longer and wake up refreshed upgrade your cbd go to next evo.com slash lady to get 20% off your first order of $40 or more. That's 20% off of $40 or more at nextevo.com slash lady. Now back to the Lady Gang. Our guest today is an amazing author, lawyer, TV personality, was the host of her own radio show, Just Jenny on SiriusXM, and now has turned that into a top-rated podcast. Her opinions are just as fiery as her hair, and her bod is sexy as too.

After losing 70 pounds over 10 years ago, she's become a beacon for people wanting to do the same. She gives unapologetic advice, and she's here today to help all of you live your best lady lives. Please welcome to the podcast, our friend, Jenny Hutt. Woo! Welcome! Can I just leave now?

Because I can't top that. That was so good. Thank you for having me. It's really to be on your show. I love your show. And the three of you make me laugh. I definitely feel a little bit old when I listen, but, um, or a lot, but I think you three are a perfect example of women who are smart and funny and warm and take care of

each other and gorgeous and just doing all the things. And I, I love that. Well, that was like the nicest way to start this morning. I mean, we've had such a like tumultuous couple of days and now all we need is a morning with Jenny and we're, we're cured. I'm good. Life is good now. Human sunshine. So Jenny is like the queen of resilience. I would call it. I feel like I've known you now for over a decade. We met a zillion years ago when I was on the Insider and Jenny would be the New York correspondent for the Insider. And I love on

your Instagram, it says like, didn't peak in high school. Like, so when, for all the people who didn't peak in high school, like when did you start feeling like you were peaking? Do you feel kind of waiting? I'm waiting for it to happen. You're on the up and up. I'm on the up and up. I will get there. I think it's that, and this reference might be a little too far back for you three, but there was a toy called the Weeble and the Weeble would wobble. And the song was like Weebles wobble, but they don't fall down. And that's pretty much me. Like you can knock me and knock me and knock me. And I just keep coming back. And it's really, it's okay. It's like Chumbawamba. You guys know that one. We know that one. And so like, really? Like that's the visual

I needed. I need one on my desk. I want to talk about, you were like, I love you're trying too hard video. Oh my God. I loved it so much. I are too hard too, Jenny. Yes. It made me cry. I felt seen. And it was sort of like, there you were really clapping back to the most ridiculous assertion that can possibly be made. What, you work too hard? You show up too much. You do everything you need to do to get stuff done. Oh God, what's wrong with you? That kind of shade is, well, to me, all projection. That's somebody who's watching you work at it, work at it, get it, do it, try, fail, get up again, go some more. And they're saying to themselves, why don't I have that gumption? Why don't I have that fire

in my belly. And you do. So you can't for a minute, let anybody who tells you that you're trying too much, trying too hard, trying the most, you can't let them get you because like, then they win and you're already winning. You don't have to give that up. Like I feel bad for those people. Those people are me and Jack. And also it's Becca and Jack, you guys said to me before I was on not to tell her. So I was like, not telling her. We are, but you're right. We are jealous because we can't do that. You know, not everybody can be Kelsey. It's just something that lives inside you. Yeah. And I think it's, it's, I think it's amazing actually. I also think like, I mean, and then I was like, I was posting about that. So I posted this video

on my Instagram about trying too hard. It was right after the focus groups for super fan were like, she seems like she's trying too hard. And then people were clapping back at me being like, no, no, no. It's not that you try hard. It's that like, you're like so disingenuous about like your energy. And like, it's like, you're trying, like you're a try hard. You're not trying too hard. You're a try hard. And they lack that you lack sincerity. Is that what they were like? What does that even mean? It's again, that's still bullshit because who's anybody to tell you that your enthusiasm is an actual and also to be honest you are the most sincere person i've like ever met like your excitement is always sincere i don't think you can fake anything well and no offense

but like if anybody's pretending to be any way why would they be pretending to be like that rude right right and even from like why would you pretend to be like kelty's personality no it's like your brand is like, I'm not cool because I show how much I'm trying. And that is very commendable. And exactly what Jenny's saying. It's like, we're all trying hard, but some of us just are too embarrassed to admit it. So if we say we're not trying hard and we're acting like we're not trying hard, then when we fail, we don't have to do it in front of the world. Cause nobody even knows we were trying with you. You're living out loud. You're showing your, your major swings and your major misses, we're all having those, but like you're genuinely showing them. And I think

that it is so, it's super admirable. It is. I mean, and we have to have Jenny here today for me and Jack to finally admit that and eat crow, but it's true. Well, I guess my thought is like, I think of when I think of cool women, I think of like the Heim sisters and I'm like, they're just like wearing their Prada and their kitten heels and like not giving a, like, are they washing their hair we're not sure like we've had esty on the podcast like they're just like the ultimate cool cool girls but like are they not are they not never babies though like is it is it easy to try not try too hard like when you are you kidding they tried so hard they practiced instruments and music like their whole lives they tried harder than anybody now are they so like now they're

so successful that they don't have to act cool yeah they're really talented though i know it's like actually it's like you don't have to fake it till you make it if you're high you can just be cool yeah yeah if stevie nicks calls you guys musical geniuses i think you can sit back in your prada loafers a bit yeah it's different it's different um jenny i i think it was really interesting so you had your serious show forever and ever and ever and have just left that show and we get so many women who are leaving situations maybe they wanted to leave maybe they didn't want to, but like the fear of starting over or leaving that sense of security is so triggering, so traumatic for so many people. I want you to tell your story and I want you to

like give your advice for overcoming the hard shit of like losing the thing that was your anchor. Yeah. So, um, I'd had, uh, a bunch of sort of difficult things happen at the same time. And, so that was hard. But in terms of losing my professional life, look, I lost my job. And then two weeks later, I lost my dad. So there was, it was, it was kind of, and pretty much still is maybe the hardest time in my life up until now. I lost my mom almost 15 years ago. So I'd already like been through that sucker punch thing of losing my mother and having to work through that and live through that and show up through that. I'm a big believer and showing up. And when I had heard that my Sirius XM show was ending after I'd been there

for over 17 years. So like I went from 35 years old till I was 52. I just turned 53. Like that was, I grew up there essentially though. You guys are like, you know, 27 and, um, and my kids grew up there. I mean, it was a whole, that was my world. That was my identity. And even though, yeah, I am a lawyer and I've done other things and I, and we'll talk, I'm sure later that I'm also an inventor, but really my broadcast life and my connecting, you guys know, like my connection to my listener, they're like my friends. I mean, they just are. So it felt very strange to have to leave them. And then knowing that I was also at some point going to be losing my father because he had been sick. So for two years I was taking care of him. He got sick in the pandemic, he got

cancer. And so it was like, my job was my escape because I couldn't talk about his being sick on air. They'd already gone through losing my mother years ago. And my dad didn't want anyone to know that he was sick. So yeah. So nobody knew that that was going on. And then I knew that I had to pivot like in that moment. Cause look there, it's like the Truman show. If I didn't come back on the air, people would have found something else to listen to, which is just the reality of life. Like it's not that they would love me any less, but like, if they can't find me, they're going to find someone else, which is totally fair. So like the day I found out that my show was going to end, I made a lot of calls and actual phone calls. Cause I was panicking,

emailed a lot of people, text a lot of people and figured out how I was going to launch this podcast. And I was terrified. I mean, like more scared than I've ever been. I felt like I didn't know how to speak. I mean, I really felt like I didn't know how to speak. I was like, how am I ever going to start a podcast? What am I going to say? Who am I going to talk to? Who's going to say yes to being on the show? Like it was really, I felt like I was starting at zero, which I was, but the advice I would give is you just have to do it anyway. Like as terrified as I was, I still just started doing it. And when I launched, I was like, okay, I will do this every like twice a week, maybe three days a week. And I put up a new episode seven days a week. Like I

just started with seven days a week because I was used to working like sort of that. That was my momentum. So I didn't know how to do it in any other way. And I think the act of doing every day and having something I had to accomplish kept me from losing my shit completely. I mean, I cry on my podcast, I do lose my shit, but I I'm able to function through it. I just do it and people get to hear it. So yeah, that, I think my, my best advice is you just have to keep moving like a shark, but that doesn't mean that you don't get to feel the feelings. You have to let it out, but just keep moving while you let it out. Well, you probably have an, like your audience is probably even stronger now seeing that they've all

gone through that stuff while listening to you on the radio. But then they were like, you know, you're a little untouchable. You're like this person who has it all together and has all the advice. And, you know, to see you fall down is, and then to get back up, it's like, well, yeah, I'm following her to wherever she goes. Like there's not a lot of people that do that in public. Like Kelly Rip is not breaking down in tears on live television. She is the hardest working woman I've ever seen. Um, I don't want to keep us in the sad zone, but I actually like, can. It's okay. I'm sorry to keep you in the sad zone. We needed a sad, sad morning. It's not the smads. We're not mad. We're just sad. It's like kind of a release. Um, I have like, I, first of

all, I'm so sorry about your dad. Um, and like, it is my, we all three of us still have both of our parents. Um, right. Enjoy them. I am like living in fear. Like I, every day I'm thinking about how many trips will my mom take from Canada? How many times will I see her? How much time can I spend with my dad? What stories about family have I not asked about that? Like, I'm never going to know because no one else knows the answers to. And I just like, I, I, I, I know so many people and we're, I was just having a conversation with my friend. I was like, forties is like just all bad shit happening to you all the time. Like your friends are sick. You're sick. Your babies are sick. Your parents are dying. Like it's just a brutal decade for like hard shit.

And like, just what do you do? Like, I can't believe you're existing on earth with like out your parents. Yeah. Yeah. It's what do you do? You just do. Well, I mean, you find the things that keep you going, which whatever that is, I don't, it could be anything, whatever it is, it keeps you going. You do that. You think about that and you show up for that. And then you cry a lot. I mean, I cry a lot and I deal with the anxiety of no longer being like the sandwich generation. I'm now at the top of the sandwich, but not, you just, you just kind of, you keep going because you have to keep going. And, um, it's terrifying. It's incredibly lonely. Like the fact that I can't call my father when I, I mean, I lived next door to my dad and my mom and

I took care of my father, I was with him morning, noon, and night. Like I was his go-to person when he was sick. My sister and I both were like, this is what we did was take care of our dad. And my brother was back and forth and we're just a very, very close, tight knit family. So yeah, that kind of loss is pretty freaking brutal and you're right to worry about it. So what you can do is cherish your parents now, ask all the questions, any of them that you have, ask for the stories to be told again, again, and again, and again. And then there are certain books, There's a book called For You When I'm Gone by Rabbi Steve Leder, and it's not Jewish at all. It's just not even spiritual.

It's just sort of like asking the questions and having people write out almost their emotional will or their kind of like what they want you to know about them after they've gone. And it's beautiful because it makes you think and it's a conversation starter. So I think that's it. just have the conversations and spend the time because then what happens is you have your answers. So like, whenever I think about what my dad would say or what my mother would say, and I was 38 when my mom died. So I was like in that space where you guys are, I know everything she'd say in every situation, everything. So there are times that my sister and I look at each other and we're like, uh, that's why mommy died. Cause she could have never handled

this. Like we crack up because we just know you feel your parents if you're close to them. So they do live in you like, you know, Simba and his dad, but like, it's, it's awful. So, and anyone who tells you it's not, they're lying. So that's the other thing. Like grief is a, is a really, um, everlasting ongoing process. There's no timeline, but I don't know that you need to have anticipatory grief because I can tell you that all the, the being scared of it and preparing for it doesn't make the hurt any less hurting. So might as well just try your best to like, enjoy them while, while they're

here. I love what you said about an emotional will. I mean, that is like, I would honestly rather get an emotional will from someone who passes on than like a will with like deeds and money or whatever is in a regular will. Dad, if you're listening, I want, I want the money. my dad just ask your parents to to make an estate that's not that's all like buttoned up that's another thing definitely do that because my father's estate is such a mess and that's only added to like everything else because yeah there's so many things that we're dealing with and i don't know where to put myself because i've never done this before i don't have him to call that reminds me of when stuff is a mess because i you hear this all the time it's like somebody dies and

it's either a mess with their estate or their affairs or there's fights with the money and there's all this stuff. Um, I found being in a position of dealing with that after death and then other people, I'm like that mess was serving me and it's serving you because it's a place for you to put frustration, sadness, anger when you're not quite ready to face what you've actually just lost. Oh my God. Yes. Yes. It's really like so unfair when you're in it. You're like, I just want to grieve. I want to cry and be on the floor, but I have to go to a lawyer's office or whatever. But that's a gift that you're being given to be able to compartmentalize and not just live in the grief and live on your bathroom floor forever. The like eternity. I think you're right.

I think you're definitely right. So I don't know. There's some reason why it's still not fun. Yeah. No. Okay. We're going to take a deep breath. And when we come back, We're going to listen to some voicemails from our listeners. This is a very cleansing morning with Jenny Hutt. 2023 is well underway. What are you waiting for? Do you have a small business? Well, why aren't you using stamps.com?

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hey ladies ask the lady gang we have our hotline one eight four four sexy lady where you can call leave us a question leave us get advice and so we've begun collecting the voicemails and we're going to use them this is sort of like our new version of ask the lady gang so if you have a question if you have a video and you can also question or voicemail leave it for us if you request a voice change, we can change your voice. Some girls were like, I told all my friends to listen to Lady Gang and they're going to know I'm talking shit about them. So yes, we can change your voice. Okay, here we go. Hello, hello, hello, Lady Gang. I realized recently at the right age of 29 that I don't really know who I am. When I was a student, my whole identity was being a

student. When I was in the career world, my whole identity was my career. And now I am a first time mom and my whole identity is a mom. And I realized I don't know what my personality is outside of the things I'm doing. How do you find your actual self amidst all these other labels that you have to wear? That's a great question. You know, the most embarrassing and hardest thing about being a Kelty through my entire life is the part on the questionnaire when they ask you what your hobbies are. Yeah. As my hobby is just doing another job and, and you know, it's a problem and like, I'm working on it too. Like I'm not saying that this is like the highlight and I wish I had more, but like people are like, what do you do for fun? And I was like, make a list

of what I'm going to do tomorrow. Like I don't, I don't have that. And so I'm like reading and like folding my towels and color coding things in my closet is like for me a fun time. And so heaven yeah heaven but that's who you are but that's your that's your identity and that's who you are as a person right i i wrote this quote when i was like in my early 20s and it went it's gone like viral like throughout the years and it's like you wear the books you read the music you watch the music you listen or the movies you watch the music you listen to you're like a combination of all of these things yeah and but i wrote that quote when i was kind of struggling with who i was and my identity when i was younger and i thought that i would identify with these

like cerebral movies or these really interesting books. And that was my personality. But like the older that I got, the more I learned that like, those are things that I'm like trying to fill up the parts of me that I don't know myself, I guess. And as I've gotten older, I'm like, I don't have to identify through these, like even with hobbies, it's like, I'm the knitting girl, or I'm the whatever, like you don't, those aren't actually you either, if that makes any sense. like and I found more of myself being by myself and alone and just learning who I am when like everything else fades away rather than like trying to like fill it with these baskets if that makes any sense no it's true and it's like I also don't think it's like a bad thing

like you can just like mom can be your basket I don't know Becca you're kind of going through a similar thing like do you feel like you've lost some of the Becca because you got a new baby no i i think that like it's just opened up another kind of chamber of my life and my heart and my soul but it's like i i think i i've gone through like in the eight million therapy sessions and like trying this like search for who i am um you know i i've kind of touched back on a little bit of what everybody's saying is like where what are the moments i'm genuinely happy in it's when i'm sitting on a couch with my sister, like laughing our asses off at something silly that like, you know, someone we know did, or like, you know, watching our kids play. And so it's like,

it's not necessarily has to be this like black and white. I am, you know, I have a great sense of humor and I'm, you know, I have, I'm a hard worker and it's more of like what, what makes your soul happy. And like, that's kind of, it's a big puzzle piece of putting together who you really are. And so I don't know if that makes any sense at all, but I think searching for that identity is really like a waste of time and just sort of be present and noticing the things that make you happy. That's who you are. Yeah. I think that's the thing, Becca, what you just said. Like the reason that everybody's stumbling to give an answer is because knowing who you are is just almost um an ethereal thing but it's sort of it it's not concrete because it is ever-changing as

we grow as we evolve as people there's no singular you you're part of your world you're part of your family you're part of your job you're part of your whatever your hobbies if you have them i don't either kelty i'm the same this i don't know how to have fun it's which is okay it's like part of who that i am but this this idea of labeling who you are like how how how can anybody do that it seems rather absurd because it can change on a dime it's sort of like labeling how you eat like are you a vegetarian a vegan a carnivore an omnivore it's also stupid how about just eat and if you don't want to eat meat don't eat meat you want to eat meat like this whole labels and labels and labels like we we don't need them just be yeah i also think like as i've

gotten older, the most important thing to me has been my relationships with people. So instead of putting all this energy into being like, I'm going to be this girl, it's more like, am I taking care of the people in my life that I love? And am I nurturing those relationships? Yeah. I had a friend the other day, we were at dinner and she has two kids. She just had her second and she was like talking about her mom and how her mom's not really like a get on the floor and play with your kids type of person and how she was always so judgmental of that when she would watch her mom play with her kids or try to play with her kids and give up like two minutes later. And then she was like, and then I had this realization, like my mom's the nurturer. She's cooking for my kids

all day long. She's folding their laundry all day long. Like you can, you can kind of identify yourself as you're not just a mom. Maybe you're the playful mom, or maybe you're like the ultimate nurturer and like that helps for me because it's like the overarching title of mom it's like a little it's a little empty it means something different for everyone and so like I'm pinpointing like the type of mom that I am with my son and that might change if I have another kid but I don't know if you're if you're really like desperate to sort of like find words to connect with like that's that's fun you know that's like a way to do it and there's there's really no downside i think also it's like we live in this world where people are like trying if with social

media it's like people are trying to find their niche people are trying to be like what am i doing like how am i presenting myself to the world what hashtags am i using and it's like you don't have to do that like what everybody am i in yeah i'm in my slate era or whatever the kids listen we we are out of time jenny must come back because this was uh we didn't think we were going to get to this place but here we went we went um and jenny you're lovely and such a wonderful person you guys can listen to please go over and listen to just jenny with jenny hut wherever you get your podcast she also has this amazing company we didn't we didn't really talk about it but she makes the cutest reading glasses when you're an elder like me and you're now wearing a reading

glass. It's called bunny eyes and it's bunny eyes with a Z or Z.com. Um, these beautiful, adjustable, gorgeous, and we'll link them on our Instagram. Um, and you can follow her at just Jenny hut, uh, on social media as well. And like, I have a hundred more things I want to talk to you about. So you'll have to come back. And this was so wonderful. Thank you guys for having me. Oh, I love it. All right. We will see you next Tuesday. Thanks for listening. The lady gang is produced by Alex Ingber, Steve Delameter and Jared Monaco. Make sure you subscribe rate and review our podcast and if you love it share it with your friends on social media like oh my god i just listened lady gang this episode's are great swipe up to listen and if

you really want to which we know you do please follow us on social at kelty at becca at jack vanek and at the lady gang sign up for our newsletter at the lady gang.com and join our secret facebook group it's super fun see you next tuesday