LadyGang - Suffering in Silence

Episode Date: March 21, 2023

The new year gleam has faded, we’re back to regular life and 2/3 of the LadyGang is a hot mess. Get an update from the ladies on how they are navigating womanhood from PMS, to breaking rules and writing complaint letters. Check out our amazing sponsors!!! Next Evo: Go to NextEvo.com/podcast and use code LADY to get 20% off your first order of $40 or more! Tree Hut: Now at Ulta, Target, and Walmart, online and in-store. Go to TreeHutShea.com/podcast for more details!  Angi: Get your next project done by downloading the free Angi mobile app today or visit Angi.com  Hint Water: Get Hint Water at Wal-Mart, Target, and Kroger or have it delivered at drinkhint.com  European Wax Center: Book your smooth escape with the experts at European Wax Center. Make a reservation today—your first wax is free! Progressive: Quote at Progressive.com to join the over 29 million drivers who trust Progressive!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Lady Gang, did you know we're now on YouTube? That's right. Well, 2,000 of you know, because that's how many subscribers we have. A dainty small number compared to the amount of people who listen to this podcast every week. And I'm here constantly judging myself and asking you that if you're a YouTube person, you enjoy content on YouTube, you want to watch your favorite podcast, but also watch them in video, you want to watch Callie sit on my lap, you want to watch me press the sexy mature button, you can head on over to YouTube and subscribe. By the way, in the next few weeks, we will also be posting complete episodes of Lady Gang TV. Are we going to get sued? Probably. But until we get sued, we're leaving them up. We're not taking them down.

So head on over to youtube.com slash the Lady Gang. Subscribe today, watch our podcast and also watch some great episodes of a TV show canceled way before it's time. Thanks in advance for your support. Well, what is this? Welcome to the Lady Gang. That's amazing. Say that again. The Lady gang. Things are about to change around here. Each week we catch up with Hollywood's hottest girl posse, Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to Lady Gang. I am Becca Tobin here with Jack Vanek and Kelty Knight. Hello. Hi. It's time for Good Week. Yes, it is bad week oh no who wants to go first i'm going oh okay um okay so my good week is that um i just want to say something i have the best bosses of all time at e and we i'm so traumatized

by so many things in life um and i just feel like i need to shout out something good it is like, it is like I am being celebrated every day. Like I call them the Johns cause I have two bosses and they're both named John. And so I use them as a plural and the Johns have a private text chain just with me. And it's like, Hey Kelty, can you do this thing? And then they'll just like send love notes to me. And they're like, wow, you are so incredible. You did such a good job. This is amazing. Every time one of my interviews gets picked up by other press, the Johns are sending me and they're like, look, you're on daily mail or you're on people. I'm like, that's, I used to Google myself for that. Like now I have like these hype men and it is

like working there is like such a dream. And I just want to shout it out because so many people have bad bosses and I just feel like good bosses are just so great. And it's so funny. Like I was interviewing sarah ferguson um you know i got to interview her like royalty the duchess of york it was my first royal interview and like i had a curtsy and it was like just so exciting but both of the johns came to my interview with me to support me and they were just like that i mean i think i want to see sarah to be honest but they were like um and like something like we were talking with sarah ferguson and she was like oh i want to like make my book and then make it into a mini series and I'm going to win an Emmy. And then John was like, she has three. It was so nice.

Oh my God. They're literally the best of all time. Okay. The bad week is, you know, Chris Knight is very embarrassed about me, I think. And I'm not normally invited to the cool kids events, um, at where he works. So like, you know, I get that. Like I'm, I'm, first of all, I'm a member of the press. So like, I'm not getting invited to the Jay-Z Beyonce parties. Like that's just, that's just the way it is we really do separate church and state even though i know everyone's secrets and i i'm a great secret keeper and i've known so much shit that i'm not supposed to know and i never tell anyone but anyway um so this was pre-superbowl and since the superbowl just happened i was saving it to see what happened at the superbowl before i told you but i saw um rihanna's

manager uh before the superbowl at like an event and it's really awkward because it's chris's boss and a lot of times like i don't know what to say around people because i have no social skills really and you guys know this so we're at this dinner and and he comes over and we're visiting and i was like oh my god how are you blah blah and i just like go on this tangent about i was like i have the best idea for rihanna superbowl i have dreamt about this i can't you can steal it if you want and he's like oh okay like what is it what is it and i was like she should come out like she's presenting baby simba because at this point we had not seen the baby yet yeah and i was like you gotta go to the super bowl and she's singing a song and she literally like holds up the baby like

because everyone sees the baby and and i'm telling i'm explaining to him as it was so amazing there's never been a baby at the super bowl before like this is great and he looks at me goes well she's not doing that and then walked away that is the worst thing like there are so many things about this suggestion that are horrible for so many reasons yes and disgusting it may be what your worst did you to do this i got socially nervous okay so then i i'm just like sorry did you have this idea pre starting to talk to him or is this something that popped into your head because you're trying to fill silence no i had thought about like i think i had said it like during pillow talk or something oh my god it'd be so funny if she blah blah blah so like it was a

shtick that i was pulling out again which my husband never told me was dumb the first time or maybe he didn't tell it was just in my head anyway i have no idea where it came from it was terrible i've since seen him and we're back to being like friends and i think he forgives me for being an idiot but anyway so then at the super bowl she's pregnant right and she did bring a baby to the super bowl so i'm not saying that it was my idea i think maybe instead of saying this was an idea that you had it was like a premonition a premonition yes so then i turned to chris at the super bowl party that i didn't want to go to that we've already talked about and i was like i was right i was like she did present a baby at the super bowl should we text jay brown and say i

was right all along and he was like please never maybe he was so against it because he knew she was pregnant and he didn't want like any news thrown maybe he right i know maybe he was throwing off hot he's like this member of the press is knows that there's a baby at the super bowl yeah no i never thought about that no i i think it's more i think he just thought it was a terrible weird idea yes okay who's next as a as a celebrity who she's protecting her child's identity and to then put him in the middle of an arena with thousands of people watching and billions on you know like i don't think that's really what normal it didn't make sense it didn't make sense it would have been a great moment would have been a great moment she didn't need the help she didn't need

the headlines she was fine she didn't jack i'll go okay so a little update on my wedding journey so i'm now i think is this a good week or a bad week oh this is a good week okay so i think i have a reception dress and now i'm trying to find or figure out my welcome dinner dress and i think i'm going to work with this company they're called ps bridal they're so cool because well number one i think i'm going to do a custom dress with them they work with like a bespoke designer in the uk they're uk based brand but what's cool about them is if you do these custom gowns or any wedding gown that you have they are starting this like um app where you can rent out your wedding dress so you pay all this money for a wedding look or a wedding dress but then when it's done instead

of like sitting in your closet or whatever you can just like rent it out so i'm like i'm gonna pay x amount of money to make something and then you make it all back so what's the app it's gonna be called i think it's just ps bridal so so like they'll like if you're a bride say you saw the Becca dress and you want to wear the Becca, if you go on this app, you can find someone in the world that has a Becca in your size eight or whatever, and then say like you can rent, they'll connect you to rent it. Right. I just think it's such a good idea for any bride that is spending X amount of money on

a wedding dress that you can kind of like make money off of it after, if you don't mind somebody wearing your dress. Well, be careful because you know, I lent my wedding, my Renault dress to the lady ganger and she got ruined at the dry cleaner your dress yeah i mean it was my renewal dress it was a slip dress yeah it's fine i forgive you you looked beautiful i don't care but you know just just know that if you do rent your dress out it may not come back to you in the same state yeah but i'm excited for you and i'm really excited about your wedding fashion jack sorry not to yuck your yum i don't want to yuck your yum well i'm trying to find again something so specific for this

welcome dinner that doesn't exist obviously because nothing that i want exists so i'm not going custom for either the other looks so i'm like maybe this is the time to do something custom so i'm excited about it um my bad week is i think i am coming to terms with i'm never gonna buy a house it just keeps getting worse and worse and worse and now there's a freeze on the housing market because the interest rates are so high that nobody is moving. Even if you try to downsize, you're paying more money than you are just to stay in your house. So I am actually, but I think I'm coming to terms with it. Well, you're not if you buy in cash. So just keep making money and keep squirreling it away. And then you just buy in cash and you get a great

deal. I will never be able to buy a house in California in cash. Never say never Jack. Yeah. come on jack you don't know what the next lady gang merch drop is gonna do it's up to you it's actually up to you if we can make enough money in cash by selling lady gang sweatshirts so you let us know when you're ready to we'll have to sell 1 million lady gang sweatshirts the other thing i was gonna say is like you also are the absolute worst kind of person to buy a house because and i mean this with love like you're your dream house you're a barbie dream housing right now no you are not like i keep sending you shitty houses in the valley that are like not shitty but it like doesn't have a pool and no i don't need a pool i literally i'm

looking for a house by the way there's an amazing i don't want to live in la you gotta look in orange okay would that's your first problem are you okay heather dubrow would you ever live in topanga because i recently saw this insane compound in topanga that's like six cabins i really want to buy it and then just make it like a place that people can go for their bachelor parties anyway oh wait there's no this is something we wanted to do for lady gang and start a lady gang house remember yeah no i know we'll save that okay all right did you buy it already no no i know she's gonna take our idea we just feel like i mean yes i am okay when we come back wait back hasn't gone oh yeah sorry sorry um mine is short and sweet i don't know how to say this without like spoiling

anything or blowing up anybody's spot but i'm currently dealing with possibly going and doing a job um and that's a good that's a good week because you know what any offer is a good day did you have to audition or was it just an offer no i did not audition for this which is why i got it because they just don't know um they just gave me the offer but the bad week of this is this is the first time that i've had to negotiate anything with having a child um because i pretty much the only thing i've done since he's been born was lady gang tour as far as leaving him or working for long periods of time yeah um and in that case i was pretty much the boss so I could do it the way that I wanted. But now I'm realizing that

kids really throw a wrench into your life. Wow. Devil's advocate. And, uh, it's a welcome wrench, but it is a mother to coordinate because I'm trying to figure out, you know, I laugh hysterically now when I think about couples who talk about their like two week rule wait is that you jack you don't do you what two week rule you don't have a thing with jared where harry and megan mark all have it right right right i don't even know what it is what is it if couples have jobs that take them away or whatever it's a lot of people in the entertainment industry they'll like do these interviews and they'll say well we don't let two weeks go by without one of us going to the other person you know no and i'm like that

and hilarious when couples talk about it like that because i'm like you know what i could go two years if it meant convenience me too but i can't go two years anymore because i now have a child so i love this child i love you for it if you're listening to this in 10 years and you just this comes up on youtube or whatever we're listening to podcasts on in 2050 um but i am having trouble and i'm almost thrown in the towel like 85 times which is very um counterintuitive because i'm basically just trying to get this job to work out so that i have money to support this child so it's a real shit sandwich it's just like a spiral it's a spiral and it kind of bothers me because now being a mom in the industry first of all as an actor you get the

most leeway and you get the most things thrown your way to make it convenient to be in this industry and and do another job they get absolutely so just being a mom in this industry sucks and yes i am being totally biased because i know a lot of dads who work in the industry they're okay leaving their kids for three weeks and their wives are like go have fun we don't need to see you for whatever reason we're wired differently this is a part of being a mother and we can't do that like there's literally no part of me that's ever going to be able to leave my kid for three weeks and not see him for three weeks so you know still try to be grateful but it's hard so that's it i mean it is true about like anybody else in the industry like how does

how is them like a mom gonna go work lighting going on the show that has like absolutely no room to negotiate a deal with a lawyer like that's crazy yeah no it's it's insane to think about like, I, my whole career, I've always noticed that the hair and makeup teams, because those are predominantly women usually are women who have chosen not to have children. And that's a really common thing because you really can't have both, or at least you have to take off a huge chunk of time. And then by the time you take off that and you come back, you've lost your, you know, opportunities because it's all about connections. So it just makes me sad. And we look around at like all these crews and it's a lot of men it's a lot of gaffers that are men dps that

are men a lot because you know what it's really not conducive to to being a parent who wants to be super involved in their kid's life it's a huge sacrifice and it just sucks i'm like i know that it's way better than so many other jobs but it's also it's it's very and it's an interesting thing i'm observing now being on this side of it well that's why anna like one of my best friends is a hairstylist and she that's like a huge reason why she stepped away from doing the job that she was doing like working on all these shows and stuff she doesn't even want kids but she's like i can't really have a family at all with these hours that i'm working because you don't even have like see the light of day a lot of the time so it's like it's demanding you can barely have a dog yeah

yeah it's a it's a big sacrifice and um well i'm excited for you and either way congratulations thanks guys it is nice to get an email that's like we have an offer that's the best sorry about the shit sandwich that came after speaking of shit sandwiches just kidding we don't have one of those no we don't want delicious jimmy john's specialty sub coming extra sauce i am so in love with this next sponsor when i put together my packing list to come up to vancouver yep it was on there i love next evo naturals okay they are scientifically formulated by a consumer product team with decades of experience each product is tested to rigorous standards so not only do they use smart sorb cbd it's proven 30 times better absorption in the first 30 minutes

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refreshers contain caffeine now back to the lady gang okay everyone welcome back to the podcast today is it's uh you know based based on um well sorry um going off what becca just talked about a little bit. This episode of Lady Gang is going to be called, How's Your Spirit? And we did this a couple months ago and it was very important. And it was like one of everyone's favorite episodes. And I think these episodes are really good for us. Not only that it's like a selfish thing that we all need like a little therapy session in our week, but also like we individually at the Lady Gang, and I know you out there listeners, like it's the time of the year where like the new year gleam has faded and we're back into just regular life. And if anything like me,

your spirit is hot garbage. And I just thought it would be really good to go around. We're planning a wedding, we're planning jobs, we're planning life, like, and have a conversation about our spirits. And so who wants to start? I'll start. Nope. Becca. Becca needs to talk about your spirit. I, I think I made a discovery about myself recently. And, um, have you heard of PMDD? I have it. Do you have it? I mean, I got diagnosed like when I was a rocket a zillion years ago, which is why I started taking Prozac originally was for PMDD. Cause I only took it 14 days, uh, like 14 days out of the month. Oh, and then can you do that with an antidepressant? I was just about to ask yeah so i was doing like i mean this is like when i was a rocket many many

years ago 20 years ago and they said you can take like 10 milligrams of fluoxetine or whatever and you do it for two weeks in a row for the like pmdd and then at some point i was just like and i'm sad all the time like let me take it full time but yeah pmdd is real premenstrual distraught dysmorphia not distraught dysphoric disorder yeah it's um a severe form of pre premenstrual syndrome that includes physical and behavioral symptoms that usually resolve with the onset of menstruation yeah um yeah there's like it's usually self-diagnosed what's the difference between pms and pmdd is it just more extreme yeah i feel like pms is like your boobs are sore you're bitchy you're hungry you want salt you

want sweet like you're you know you feel like a bloaty mess like blah blah blah just like the mild every day mild it can be serious pmdd for me was like i'm blowing up my whole fucking life here i have it i have it so pms is pms symptoms headache fatigue bloating irritability pmdd depression tension severe mood swings lasting anger or your irritability so PMDD seems a lot more emotional like the emotional toll that the PMS is like having on your body yeah as a doctor that was pretty good Dr. Jack that's pretty good is that what you're feeling Becca that is what I'm feeling I have noticed with every year like the most recent like two years I have always had PMS like I'm a human we all do yeah but it is so severe that I have caught myself like like you're

saying like almost blowing up your life because it is you can't even control it I know in the moment like yesterday I was out walking the dogs and there's a there's a place behind the neighborhood pool that's just kind of like an open field and people bring their dogs over there it's like there's no whatever it's just easy whatever but to get to that place you either have to walk through this like really shitty pathway sometimes they're doing construction on it or you can walk directly through the neighborhood pool to the other gate you know to kind of beeline to that area so i'm in the area i'm doing the dogs and then i'm on my way back to my house and i'm going cutting through the pool mind you it is literally freezing outside it's march and no one's in the

goddamn pool no one's using the goddamn pool okay no one's in the pool and this guy who i don't even know what he was doing there he didn't live in the neighborhood he was like maybe working on the pool or working on the thing and i don't even have a clue and he's like hey uh hey and i'm on the phone too so he interrupts my phone call he's like hey excuse me excuse me i'm like oh yeah sorry let me get off the phone with my mother to talk to you you doofus i already know what you can say to me he's like yeah the dogs really aren't allowed in this uh in the pool area and i looked at him and i was like i wanted so badly to lose lose my mind like lose my mind instead i was like oh yeah i know i'm just making my way from back there where i had the dogs we're just you know cutting

through no we're not going for a swim yeah i was like i'm not throwing them in the pool we're not swimming we're not getting our rafts out and i didn't bring pool noodles and spf for dogs you mother pool noodles do you see my pool noodles if i was going to the pool i'd obviously have a pool noodle bitch i'm in a hoodie okay i'm in a hoodie on the phone with my mom because i'm having a nervous breakdown leave me the alone wait did he work there or was he just a random resident and who are you what's your address i have no idea they don't allow douchebags in this pool area either so it was so it was so hard for me and then he starts petting the dogs and you know Orly's like a slut for attention so she wouldn't leave she just stayed there and I was like having

the rage I was feeling and I am usually like even in those situations I used to be able to just be pleasant I get it I know I'm breaking the rules whatever okay fine but I was like scared I was scared if one thing one other bad thing had happened to me before that walk I would have thrown him in the pool yeah like the rage was so scary to feel and i'm like i just that was that's the feeling that i get with every encounter while i'm reaching my menses and have you like you've correlated that it's literally right on schedule it gives you it's the ability of like you get for me anyway and this was a long time ago and i've been on drugs for a long time But I just remember like, um, it's like you're, you're, you have, you, oh my God, you get

a toddler brain. The toddler brain is like, you, you have left all of your skills of like how to handle your emotions. You know, when they say like kids, they're like having big feelings and you're like, they just don't know what to do with all their feelings. So they freak out. It's literally that where you're like, I actually can't process anything. like anything sets you off and you don't go to like level two where you're like oh yeah like

this is gonna be you go to 10 you go to like death metal no that's exactly it that's the best way to put it so you should do the i know i want to well i was on an anti-depressant and also i'm just dark like i'm not i'm not like just ragey i'm ragey and then i'm depressed yeah so i was like well i've been on lexapro before i'm not on it anymore because i don't have the anxiety that i was feeling before but maybe i was like i i wish there was a pharmaceutical because you know i'm all big pharma big pharma yeah because then i was like well maybe i should contact these like hormone experts and yada yada i don't have time i don't have time like just rub some progesterone on your arm no no you should do the 10 milligrams of fluoxetine 14 days on i just didn't know that

i thought you had to like wean yourself off of and on to when it's a really small i listen i'm not a doctor. We're going to get so much hate. People are going to be like, you're not supposed to do that. I went to my doctor in New York city and this is what I did. And I did it like that for like 10 years. It's a really small dose. I take 40 milligrams now daily. So I think there's gotta be something, but it's like, I love this for you, Becca, because I, you know, as your friend, I've noticed like that you, your rope is pulled really tight right now, you know, and I know you're going through a lot and obviously you have this kid and you're trying to figure out your life and your career and how to live, but like, you know, it, it, you don't

have to live like that. Like, it's actually nothing wrong with you. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, you may be feeling this way and it's like what the disorder it's called a disorder, but like, I just think like, it's not fair to you to have to try to like climb this mountain in addition to everything that you are already dealing with in your life every single month to have to like revert back to toddler brain and try to like do your marriage and do your momming and doing your career like with toddler brain it's it's hell it's literally you're in hell so there's no reason why you have to suffer like that and that's why i do believe in big pharma in these instances like yeah you can go get acupuncture and a massage and do some meditation

and like it may help but like you don't have time for that shit like go get the drugs you don't have to live like this it's not fair and you will feel better yeah and if we were a man and this shit was happening to a man and they're getting pmdd they would have two weeks off of work they would have free massages they would have free drugs like i was thinking this how the have we not figured out a solution for being miserable before your period we have figured out how to treat cancers we have figured out how to get dicks hard when you're 90 years old nobody cares nobody cares that we are suffering in silence i'm not silent but suffering it's so awful but you're not silent but most people are silent and that's the thing it's like women are just programmed to be silent about their

suffering especially when it comes to women's issues and like menstrual shit and then there are no studies and no solutions to anything that we have to deal with because we're just supposed to grin and bear it and just like yeah do everything on top of it the other thing though i will say about pmdd in general um is that it's actually like even if you were to get like i was reading this article about like some countries have like a menstrual leave now where it's like for four days before you period you're allowed to take that time off the thing about pmdd that's really interesting is like it actually doesn't matter if you're in the spa something in the spa would set you off. Yeah. Like the grinding of the juice or the tea being too hot or the

massage therapist, squeaky Crocs. Like even if you were in the world-class spa in the world, like it doesn't matter. It has the situation you're in has no, uh, it doesn't make it better or worse. Like you can't calm yourself down. So it's like, it doesn't matter if you're on a walk with the dogs or you're in like hour nine of your kid with colic, like you'll feel exactly the same. it's so crazy yeah it's wild it's like your brain is on fire just a public service announcement to everybody listening to everybody to the world if someone's breaking a rule and it has absolutely zero effect on you or other people literally the only thing being affected was the pavement at the pool i want you to shut your mouth i want every busy body out there when you see someone breaking

a rule shut your mouth it is karmically i hope you get destroyed because why why shut up i know that my dog is not allowed if you're that guy i want you to take a good hard look at yourself because one day you might run into someone with pmdd and they might not be so nice to you okay those type of people are the same type of people that have arguments in the comments of a youtube video like it's a power trip and it's just like this is where i'm gonna get it in and like shove it to somebody and like i'm gonna feel better about myself because i told her to get out of the pool area with her dogs in february that guy but also like and the thing we need to don't pet my dog don't touch orly catch your dog it's not even my least favorite dog it's my

favorite dog don't have my favorite dog no but the other thing is like how can we focus on dogs at the pool when there are such huge, like horrible things happening on earth, like people listening and talking on speakerphone in public places and watching videos on airplanes when you're sitting next to them, just free to the point where your flight attendant has to make an announcement for the whole plane. And I know, I know it's 4C. I know, I know who this is directed for. You should just come to 4C and be like, get some headphones.

But like you did a, if you are on the plane and please respect other passengers and use your headphones the best is when somebody stands up and they're like can excuse me no standing up at this moment it's like i and saw that guy and he's gonna do it again stand back up on the plane yeah i feel like please we're still trafficking can you please sit down we're like no it's jim he's in 17d just don't tell him don't wake me up i'm sitting with my seat belt on dicks no people are dicks um anyway becca i'm excited about everything your pmdd journey i'm excited about any goddamn supplements you saw on tiktok because i've already tried them that makes me even more enrageful flow yourself flow flow it's like the brand

that i have got got with on tiktok someone's like oh my symptoms of pre pms and they've gone away magically with this delicious gummy like off no i tried them for three months okay this is an anti-ad you just need to do it you flow you're dealing saying no i am i'm what is it de-influencing i'm de-influencing you know what don't give flow any of your fucking money people okay they're already they are they are ruining women's lives because we're spending our hard-earned money we're getting our hopes up we're like yes something that's gonna help me they're gonna make you do a 90-day supply because they're gonna tell you that it only kicks in at 90 days guess what that's also in scheme okay don't buy these flow and vitamins on tiktok

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I'm excited to jump into this rage, this rage spirit episode. so i did something that i've never done before i wrote a complaint letter to my husband oh my god i have it right here i'll show you guys it's three pages long oh my god oh my god i wrote it um i was on the plane i'm going i was going to a work thing this weekend and do you want to give a dramatic reading yeah i'll give some um like basic i'll give the coles notes but basically like i i obviously i'm so busy chris has been traveling i didn't have time to explain to him why i'm so mad and why i've been mad since valentine's day my birthday like it's been a long time and it's kind of like the pmdd where it just keeps adding and everything you do like the way

you eat an apple now i hate you more like i and i don't i mean i don't want to say hey i love you but like it just, it was like a compound fracture, if you will. And I, I, um, I'm going to talk about this on another episode, but I have been going through a lot of health things and some of them have been scary and I'm not feeling great. And so, um, when I have an answer, I'll tell everyone what it is. But like the other day I woke up and like, just my gums were bleeding, like, just like my gums were red and like, I just had blood in my mouth and my gums bled for like two days straight. And then it went away. Like, there's just a lot of weird shit happening right now.

And I know that I'm like that person that's like people magazine, my gums are bleeding, but like, I really am. I am at that point where like, shit's really weird. Like I can't hear anything out of my right ear. Like shit is weird right now with me. And I have been, I'm not a complainer and I, you know, I don't really say anything to Chris because he's not like a big medical person. He's not really into doctors.

And so I had an IV person come to my house. Cause they're like, one of the things that you could be doing for yourself is like a lot of vitamin C. so I had an IV come to my house and he walked upstairs. And instead of being like, babe, are you feeling that awful that you had an IV come to the house? God, can I make you a cup of tea while you sit here for an hour? He goes, he goes, Oh, I really need one of those too. Oh no. Nope. That was it. Sent me off. I was done. I was like, did you say something in the moment or did you keep it for your letter? No, there's a stranger in my house, a beautiful

nurse giving me the IV. I just, I stood there, I got on the plane and I was like, I also found out, um, last week that one of my very, very best friends on the planet is incredibly sick and has a terminal situation. And I found that these two things, like, it was like that night I found that out. And the next morning I'm getting the IV. So I am a mess. Like, I'm just feeling like shit. And then my heart's broken. And I was like, this is not what you do. And then I got home from, he got home from his trip and he starts unloading his packages and being disappointed that he's trying on a Zara sweatshirt and it doesn't fit him. And I was like, I'm right here. Like I'm struggling so much. I need you to be a husband. And I'm like, I'm not, I don't want to give,

anyway, he's already going to be mad that I'm saying this, but my whole mind was like, can it be about me for two seconds? Like I am in so many people's tribes. Like I'm in so many people's tribes i'm keeping so many people afloat i am supporting so many people i you know even though i don't have like that social aspect i do take a lock a lot on emotionally especially because i'm really good in like a crisis so when people have crises like i'm the person they call they don't call me every day on a tuesday because you know i'm not gonna answer but like when it's going down they call me and so i have a lot of heaviness and i was like i just need someone to be in my tribe for a second. Like I need someone to be checking on me. Like I am exhausted. I'm

up. And I was like, it needs to be about me. And I was like, I held up this life and this family and this, like all this shit. Um, and I was just like, anyway, I wrote a complaint letter. And then I was like, I just was doing it to like, get it out of my system. Cause I was like, I just need to process, like, obviously I'm upset and like, I'm tired and worn out. Well, then I did that thing where I screenshot it and I sent it to him. I sent him the complaint letter. Um, he was at home and he, and so are you? No, no, no. I was on a plane. I sent it and then I turned my phone off and took off. And so I land and I was like, can we please talk? I was like, let's talk when I get home on Monday. Like I just, I can't even, I don't even want to talk to you.

Like I don't even want to talk. I just want you to know that you are up and I just need to get it off my system. He's like, I just need to talk to you for two minutes. Anyway, he called me. He was so lovely. He really understood. He was like, I felt this too. I know I'm shit. And then when I got home on Monday, like he had, he had like written a list of things that he was going to start taking care of so that we could like spend our lives, like more of a, like a partnership. And like, instead of me having the weight of all this stuff, like, you know, and he's been so sweet and he brought me a cup of tea and I don't know. Anyway, so I'm a dick. I wrote a complaint letter to my husband, but it worked. And so you're not a dick. That's I think for the first time in your

life, you're not a dick. It's true. You absolutely did the right thing because you can't just keep the name of this podcast, suffering in silence. We suffer in silence a lot and we don't communicate our needs because we feel like we're in imposition for asking for things that someone's not just voluntarily giving to us or instinctually knowing that we need. So I think that's an amazing thing because it's a disservice to have not given him the letter. He would keep f***ing himself. He'd keep eating that apple and not know that you were planning his death. Well, I think you guys too are just, you're such independent people and you always have your own thing going on and you always kind of assume that the other one's okay that i think it's it you know he probably saw you with

the iv he's like oh maybe she's just getting a drip just because whatever she's probably fine like would tell me if she wasn't so i mean i think it's i mean it's obviously coming down to communication of you got you guys weren't like you know on the same level and you know sometimes you just got to get it out you do voluntarily let someone put a hose up your ass and flush it out on occasion. So he probably didn't realize that this was for health. So serious. And that's what he said to me. He's like, you're such a super woman. He's like, I don't worry about you. You're always okay. And he's like, so, you know, you're just going through the motion. Like, you know, and I get it. Cause it's a little bit like I'm the girl

who cried health journey. You know what I mean? Like I'm always starting some sort of like, you know, whatever. But I, I do feel like this is like one of the first times in my life where actually like, you know, it's just, it's been heavy. And so I'm like, uh, okay, cool. Like, I don't know. And I didn't tell him, you know, but also like that, the other thing is like, I'm, I'm exhausted from the asking. And I feel like a lot of women can probably relate to this is that like, like I hear you and I'm all about good communication. And like, if we went to couples therapy, I already know what they would say, which is like, you have to communicate and blah blah blah but like but why he doesn't communicate to me hey i need food to eat i

just order the groceries because i can see it for myself they're not like you're a woman i know it's but i hate that so to be in a relationship with a woman that's how it's that's just how it is yeah and that's the thing it's like you're you're holding this resentment because he didn't know that you're going through this health shit but you didn't tell him anything about it because you didn't want to impose so it's like again he's just assuming you're fine because you're always fine but like for the first time you're not fine right men are idiots listen there are exceptions to every rule but it doesn't matter if you're like literally your limbs have been ripped off your body and they're standing in front of your spouse or your partner and it's it's the man

usually when this happens and they don't notice okay it's just or they don't or they notice and they don't know what to do so then they pretend not to notice and then they right have all this stuff happening their own story in their head and it's like it it has zero correlation with how much they love you and care about you totally it's just an absolute inability to be able to function the way that we do it's just the classic men are from mars women are from venus like that's just as much as we try to tell everybody that we're we can all be the same and act you know I don't know it's just meant we're always going to be built completely different emotionally at least yep hey Jack how's your spirit I'm doing all right thank god please not much to complain

about really on my end um I don't know I mean I'm I thought that I would be a lot more stressed with the like planning wedding stuff but I'm kind of leaning into it and having it fulfill me like in a way that um I think I was lacking from maybe some what I'm usually like so busy with work and that's what I'm focusing like all of my energy on or like a new project or whatever I've talked about it it's like my wedding just feels like my project for this year so it's really exciting putting my energy into it yesterday I went um shopping with my mom to try to find a dress for her so that was like a really cute bonding moment did she find something no i mean she's picky like me so it's gonna take like a long thing like a long time 600 dresses for may well and it's hard

finding a dress for like they're so ugly boomer yeah yeah you know like a like an evening gown for a boomer that's like stylish but still conservative yeah your mom's almost too cute for like the macy's right mother of the bride dress so it's like what do you what did your mom wear back i remember she looked really beautiful she wore navy yeah she and my sister both wore navy um but again it was like a very they were really pissed at me too because i gave them like two months notice yeah um but it was hard it's really hard it's never easy and my sister had just had a baby she was really mad at me but she that was another shit sandwich but they ended up looking beautiful she's gonna find something and luckily it's not like a wedding dress where you

have to have like you know six months to plan it and tweak it and whatever she'll find it and I'm also tall and great bod so no I know it's she's just you know she has her things she's like I want my arms covered and then I have like a bright dress code so it has to be bright color and like all these things but I'm really I'm just enjoying having them like doing all the wedding stuff with them and shopping with my mom for something for her it's just been so focused on me that like it was a really nice moment to do that with them and then you know that's i feel like i feel okay what's our countdown at i don't uh you don't have the app it's like six months march april may june seven months oh my god so exciting well two-thirds of us are a disaster

jack's thriving and that's the way it goes on lady gang and that's why it's good that there's three of us yeah because one of us always just keeps going and then when the two of us are going to give up you know what i mean so like jack thanks for being the beacon of hope this week on the lady gang yep just trying thanks for just living another day um well on that note on that note let us know when you call big pharma becca we will see you next tuesday the drug of the week thanks for listening the lady gang is produced by alex ingber steve delameter and jared monaco Make sure you subscribe, rate, and review our podcast. And if you love it, share it with your friends on social media.

Like, oh my god, I just listened to Lady Gang. This episode's so great. Swipe up to listen. And if you really want to, which we know you do, please follow us on social. At Kelty, at Becca, at Jack Vanek, and at the Lady Gang. Sign up for our newsletter at theladygang.com and join our secret Facebook group. It's super fun. See you next Tuesday.