LadyGang - Tess Holliday

Episode Date: March 9, 2021

Divine timing has brought the trailblazer, plus size model, and creator of the #effyourbeauty standards, Tess Holiday to the show. She's discussing her influential role models, believing in body autonomy and no longer living her life in fear. Check out our amazing sponsors!!! CHLA Make March Matter: The Make March Matter campaign supports Children’s Hospital Los Angeles–a nonprofit pediatric hospital ranked among the top 5 in the nation on U.S. News & World Report’s prestigious Honor Roll of children’s hospitals. Check out ways in which you can make a difference this March! makemarchmatter.org   Total Wireless: Get an unlimited talk, text and data plan for $25 per month. 1 gig at high speed, then 2G. Terms and conditions at TotalWireless.com  Away: Start your 100-day trial and shop the entire Away lineup of travel essentials at AwayTravel.com/ladygang  Best Fiends: Download Best Fiends FREE today on the Apple App Store or Google Play. Ritual: Get 10% off during your first 3 months at ritual.com/ladygang to start your Ritual today! Stamps.com: Go to Stamps.com and use code LADYGANG to get a special offer that includes a 4-week trial PLUS free postage and a digital scale!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

All right, Lady Gang community, I am calling on you because it is one of my favorite times of year, the Make March Matter campaign for Children's Hospital Los Angeles. It is such a special place. It's a nonprofit pediatric hospital ranked among the top five in the nation on U.S. News and World Report's prestigious honor roll of children's hospitals. So Make March Matter is a campaign to raise $1 million or more during the month of March through a variety of fundraising efforts in support of programs and services at CHLA that create hope and build a healthier future for children.

So basically what you do is you make a purchase, make a donation, or participate in an event. And for a complete list of participating businesses like the Lady Gang and others, visit MakeMarchMatter.org. Support the businesses that support Children's Hospital LA. Lady Gang is making a contribution and raising awareness surrounding the campaign for the entire month of March. Will you do the same and will you join us? And if you're going to do that, why don't you share on social media and use hashtag MakeMarchMatter and the handle is at MakeMarchMatter.

Let's spread the word and let's get this hospital lots and lots of money for Make March Matter because they make so many families healthier and happier every year. are about to change around here. Each week, we catch up with Hollywood's hottest girl posse, Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to the Lady Gang. I am Becca Tobin here with Jack Vanek and Kelty Knight. Hi, guys. Hello. This is a podcast you can't see, but I have a great hair day. Did you do the robe? I did the robe, but it was like a little bit damp when I woke up this morning. And so it's not super like tight curls. It's more of a wave. How do you sleep with a, with the robe rope in your hair? I know I'd end up like

anti wrinkle pillow where it puts your head like in a vice. And so you don't move and sleep on your face. Cause I'm a face sleeper. So you, so it makes you sleep on your back, right? Yeah. And you actually sleep on your back. I, I always wake up on my side somehow, but which is like crazy because the pillow is so uncomfortable to be on your side. But anyway, yeah, for most, most of the part, I need to be smushed my face into the pillow, giving me all the wrinkles. It's the only way I can sleep. I understand. I understand my neck up my face up. Yep. Nice asymmetrical droopy face on one side. That's just how I'm going to end up being. That's okay. That's what fillers for. Yeah, that's right. Um, now it's time for good week. Yes, it is bad week. Oh no.

who would like to begin i'll go my good week is a good week by proxy for jared now jared his hair is it the locks are a flow in it's long it's beautiful but he has been having a problem with his hair getting super greasy really fast so i'm like trying to figure it out you know i'm kind of like watching him and i was watching him shower the other day i didn't see him shower but after the shower i told him to like put in his leave-in conditioner so he's spraying it and he's literally spraying leave-in conditioner like on his roots and i'm like you're classic no no you gotta like put in the leave-in conditioner like you put in regular conditioner like on your ends and he's like he's been literally in the shower like a gooping conditioner onto his roots because the

poor guy has never really washed his hair because men with short hair yeah they don't they don't do the full routine of having to do things so for the first time in his life he's learned that don't goop conditioner onto your roots i thought it was gonna be because i've noticed that men with long hair that don't always have long hair like quarantine long hair they touch their hair more than any fucking woman oh yeah they are obsessed with running their fingers through their hair i just love the visual of jerry like post shower like doing some spray leave-in conditioner oh my god i've also like i had to teach him how to you know put the the towel onto your head and like do the little twist yes but it's just so funny because i mean men he's always had short

hair his entire life like he has doesn't know how to do the things that we can do in our sleep and it's amazing he's like did i do it right he has this like little this towel on his head it's really cute but now he's learned and he has no greasy hair so good week for jared bravo jerry um my bad week and becca is gonna make fun of me for this is i'm on my period and every time i'm on my period i really it's like i forget what being on my period is like and every single period is the first period i've ever had and i don't do i black it out like what i'm getting worse at being on my period. It's getting worse. I'm like, I'm like, oh, this period is definitely over. And then I'm like, it wasn't over. You guys need to know that Megan, my friend Megan and I have a

classification for women. And one classification is a group of women who are, who talk about their periods, who complain about their periods. Like Jack, I think so much more highly of you than these women. So some troll will come out of the woodwork and Megan and I's response will be, and I bet she complains about her period every month. Yeah, but you don't get it because your periods aren't that bad. I've had bad periods. I mean, I'm pre-menopausal now,

but I used to have a heavy flow and cramps. It's just ibuprofen and heating things. No. Okay, well then you should probably see a doctor. I know, but like, it's just, the last time I had my period, I posted about it and Becca made fun of me for this on Instagram. but I'm like it's literally like 50 first dates but like every month is my period and it's I don't

do we do we just block do we repress it because it's so terrible it's what I say to Zach every time he complains about his sinuses but doesn't take a claritin or something I say I can't help you if you can't help yourself that's right I mean that is right I do try to help myself though there's nothing else I can do other than complain it's the emotional pain now that I'm getting through. But anyways, that's my bad week. Hmm. I'm sorry. And I'm sorry to all the girls out there who have the same experience. I, I, I do have compassion and I don't want to bully you, but you know, but she will be making fun of you. It's just, it's every month. No. And it's, it's an, it's like, it's a new, okay. Okay. I'm going my good week. So, um,

Um, I have since the pandemic have been really into cooking. Um, I really extra got into it when we had Katie Weber on in December. Um, her cookbook is like probably the most used cookbook I've ever used in my life. The recipes are so simple and they're super healthy and like easy and comforting. But anyway, this is not a commercial for Katie, even though she's great, but I've been cooking so much, but I've realized something it's good. I could literally feed Chris toenail clippings and he would be excited about it every day. I'm like downstairs and he comes down and I'm like, dinner's ready. And I like present him the plate and he goes, Oh wow. Every day, every day. It doesn't matter. I had the, I'd made her little like sweet potato, like patty

things burnt to a fucking crisp i've never fried anything in a pan before burnt i mean it was like black and burnt and horrible and he was like i i could have been giving him a t-bone steak wow anyway that's a good week bar is low and that's that i've trained him to just be excited that i'm cooking that he doesn't make it himself oh that's cute that is cute little sweetie pie I have the opposite thing in my house. Is Zach like, you hate this? It's burnt? No, he's just so unenthusiastic.

Not to go off topic, but who would I be if I didn't? I made scones, homemade scones. Wow. Yes. How do you do that? How do you make them so dry? They're so heavy whipping cream, I think is the trick. They were so good, so good.

And I gave Zach a little taste and he takes a bite out of it. poker face, full poker face. And he says, it's good. That's it. Ouch. Later. I found out that he said it was one of the best scones he's ever had, but show me, show him. He cannot show he's emotionless. Oh, just it. I'm like, your enthusiasm is such like your borderline serial killer with your inability to show enthusiasm. And then I'm going to take this even more off topic. I can't wait until all three of us are in New York again, and we can go to AOC kitchen and eat the scones with the butter there that we had, like when we were in town for the book party before the world closed down as full gluten. And I definitely have diarrhea after, but it's like,

so worth it. Okay. Bad week. Um, Callie night, ABC kitchen, ABC, right? I'm like AOC kitchen. It's a whole different kitchen. Sorry. Um, ABC kitchen. Yes. Okay. So my bad week is that callie since i got rescued her she's been a terror but like super easy she'll eat anything she was instantly trained she's like a pain in the ass and annoying and whines and like chases birds but like she's not she doesn't have any problems like you know so we had our first health issue she has i think what becca would call a becca bum no wait haven't you haven't you talked about this where you have to put something in her butthole or on her butthole? No. Yes, you have. No, I talked about it, but there's more. Okay. Well then yet the answer is yes. Okay. Okay.

So Kelsey, I'm sorry. You looked at me like I was crazy for asking that question. Like I just made it up. I talked about when she had a butt issue and then I had to pull up the tail and horrible and terrible. I don't need to relive it. Yeah. Well, I basically, it hasn't gotten better. And now, and now she, um, she has been like pooping water and I don't know what to do. And then she also has stopped being trained. So now she's, instead of going to the spot where she's supposed to go, she's like poop watering all over my deck. And I know, and I didn't, I changed her food to a special food and I don't know.

So that's it. It's hard to be a mom. How long has she had the runs? they're on and off. Like one day she'll be perfect. And the next day she's runny. And then the next day she's- You should take her to the vet. I took her to the vet. What? I took her to the vet. Well, if her diarrhea has not stopped, I think you have to take her back. Maybe she's like eating something weird outside.

I know. Some grass or I don't know. Anyway. Okay. This is a boring story. Go ahead. Okay. Well, actually I was going to save this bad week for another time, but it seems appropriate because at first you said she has a Becca bum and I got highly offended and it's just so on brand for me that I would get offended. And then this would be my bad week. I sharted on the couch next to Zach. What'd you eat? The couch. The rental. But it all was confined into my pants. This is why never buy a couch from somebody else. Because somebody has sharted on that couch, especially a fabric one. Like maybe you could clean it out of a leather. So I just didn't, I, I trusted a fart that shouldn't have been trusted. And it's as simple

as that. And I thought I jumped up and I ran into the bathroom immediately. And I think I screamed out something along the lines of, I sharted. And then I came back and Zach looked absolutely, you know what? He can't show enthusiasm, but he can show disgust. He was so horrified. horrified and I just thought I can't believe after this many years of being with me that I can still gross him out yeah I mean he should know he should know by now like this is you can't be the first time you've sharted in front of him I think it might have been and then he was really disgusted first close shart you've had yeah sharts travel sharts yeah I feel like that, I mean, we've talked about the shards so many times that maybe it just

hasn't been like right. Before we have children, I'm going to give you one last test. Yeah. Well, he also thought it was gross that I put my underwear in the, in the trash can. What do you, what else do you do? What are you going to wash them and have all that poop go and mix around in the other clothes? I will say though, if we had been dating and that happened, first of all, I wouldn't have jumped up and exclaimed, I sharded, but I would have taken the underwear and wrapped

it in toilet paper so that you didn't even put it in it. No, it's a year of quarantine together. I could, I have no more efforts to give in trying to be desirable for my husband. Okay. So that was my bad week. My good week is, do you guys remember my story about when I, when I want to get messages from dead people, I asked to see oranges because I heard that on Chelsea Handler. Well, I get so many DMS now from people saying that they get, they see oranges everywhere. So do I. And I didn't even tell that story every day about it. I think it's so cool. People will tell stories about how they were thinking about a loved one and then they went on a walk and there's an orange on the sidewalk. It's so cool. So I see your DMS. I'm sorry. I haven't seen all of them because I go

back and forth between reading DMS and not reading DMS, but I'm glad when I see those. cute i love it all right coming up a hot bitch hot bitch do amazing with total wireless because when you move to total wireless you can get an unlimited plan with incredible devices now with nationwide 5g available in 2700 plus cities capable device and sim required get our best deal ever with an unlimited talk text and data plan for 25 per month per line for four lines with 100 gigs of shared high-speed data and then 2G, which means you can listen to a lot of Lady Gang podcasts, which can save you up to $1,200

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busy giving birth. So we had to give her a pass. So we're excited. We wanted her for so long. We're so excited to welcome her today. Our queen has worked with the iconic David LaChapelle. She's been in major campaigns for H&M, Benefit Cosmetics, Torrid, while being featured in Vogue, Nylon, Marie Claire, and on the cover of People Magazine. She rocketed to fame when her Every Body is Flawless video became the talk of the zeitgeist. A self-described body positive activist, she is the creator of the F Your Beauty Standards Movement, mama to two boys, owner of the most amazing eyebrows on the freaking planet. We are so excited to welcome her in the midst of drama personally. She's in her car right now. We love that you didn't give up on her. Please

welcome to Lady Gang, the one and only Tess Holliday. Welcome. Wow. Can you just do all of my intros for the rest of my life? You know, it's so interesting. I feel like you've gone through all these different sort of glow ups. Like you go on a glow up and then you go on another glow up and then you go on another glow up. And I think you should just sit in this for a minute. Like when I was looking at your bio, I was like, you know, what you created and who you are has made it so that Vogue magazine just posted an Instagram featuring a plus size model at Paris fashion week. You know what I mean? Like, I think you are such a game changer that everything, there's so much more I could have said, but you know, just sit in that for a minute while your

house is flooding because you're incredible she's in her car the house is flooded you have to like laugh at yourself sometimes and you're right you have to sit with it it's one of that's one lesson that i learned i i don't want to say too late in my career because like i told you guys before we started recording i believe in divine timing like that car speeding by that was so loud right now. Um, but for me, I had so many incredible things that I had always dreamt of and manifested. And then when they happened, I found myself having a really hard time enjoying them because I wasn't, like you said, sitting with it. So I appreciate, I appreciate the reminder. How was that for you? Because when you were creating your career, there was no,

there was no, you know, map. There was no one who had in the same way during the Instagram world done it, done it. Wow. You're honestly, you're killing it with, you guys are killing it with these questions. Um, I you're right. There was no guideline. People don't actually, I don't really get to talk about this a lot. So I'm really glad that you asked. I didn't know what the I was doing. I, that's the way to do it though. Neither did we. I almost didn't swear. And then I was like, wait, Jack's part of this. You have many of my shirts that say, I'm sure I do. And I love them. Um, but I, I had to, you know, I had to just figure it out. And that meant making a lot of mistakes, um, not always honoring what felt best and knowing that sometimes I had to be like

the token fat person or plus size person, however you want to label it in a campaign in order to get in the room to like start the conversations. Um, so, you know, there was a little bit of, of points where things that I did didn't feel the best, but I'm grateful that now I'm to a point where everything I do aligns with what feels good. Um, but yeah, I mean, at least now I know, I know what the I'm doing, but yeah, it was, it was a shit show for, for the first few years, for sure. And since you are such a trailblazer in the body positivity movement and everything, did you have role models that you looked up to? Cause it's, it's tough being kind of, you know, one of the first that are really pushing the needle forward. So who have you looked up to

when you were kind of starting? I mean, my body positive icons were Beth Ditto, Miss Piggy. Miss Piggy was my queen, still is my queen. And really Dolly Parton. Dolly Parton was the first person that showed me, which most people wouldn't herald her as a body positive icon because of the stigma against plastic surgery that a lot of people have um even though everyone gets stuff done and everyone pretends like they don't but that's fine um but dolly was just so unapologetically and still is such a queen um just owns who she is and is so unapologetic and seeing that kind of energy but that's why i i joke about loving miss piggy but it's genuine it's i love seeing people unapologetically being themselves and, and not giving a shit what people think. And so to me,

um, even if it's unrealistic, that's, that's who showed me that it was okay to just be myself, even if people didn't understand what that looked like. I love that. I want to touch on something that, um, you just said about plastic surgery. So I love that you're like plastic surgery is body positivity like and we're all about that I mean we wrote a book and we've been we're like did maps of what we've done to our faces and I think this is so interesting because you're someone who says like love your body love who you are but like also you can get a little Botox and I like enjoy this about you well you know I think like none of us are gonna are none of us are going to move into a home and never paint the walls if they chip

or what if your toilet meets upshading or your bathroom like are you just gonna leave it like that forever or are you gonna like get a brand new like you know what I mean it's just for me I I can still be body positive and love my body and I understand that that there is the argument that plastic surgery still adheres to an unrealistic standard of beauty. And yes, there are some people that choose to get plastic surgery for whatever reasons, but that's their choice. And I believe in body autonomy. And if, if me getting Botox is going to make it easier to go through the world weighing 300 pounds and having people judge me, at least I'm going to look good while I do it, you know? So at least I'm going to be pretty when I'm crying in my room

that internet trolls say that I should die because of my size. I mean, I, my forehead won't move when I'm crying, but I'm going to cry, you know? So I just, you know, I, I think, I think that the world is a really tough place. And if people want to get a nose job to make themselves feel better, then why are, why are we judging them? You know? Yeah. It's so interesting because it's a lot of people look at the movement and they're like, okay, well, it's such a black and white thing. Like you either love yourself and you never want to change one single thing about it. And you're just going to be how you are. Or if you dare get a unit of Botox, then it's like, but now you're not part of it, but it's so nuanced and you can, you can love yourself so many different ways.

And just because somebody is doing one thing doesn't mean that you can't do something different. So I love that you have that mindset about that because I think that's super important. It's also such an interesting concept, the body autonomy. And it really is something that I think women, and because of women like you who are so outspoken about this is me, this is my choice, this is my body, it's none of your business. business that's an incredible empowering message that women for so long have had a struggle embracing and owning and by having that kind of attitude it makes all those trolls out there feel like morons like this is not it's nothing this is none of your business so there's like

point blank you know nothing more to be said i completely agree body autonomy yeah i want it i we listen, um, Jack, if you make shirts that say, uh, body autonomy, bitch, then I'll wear it. And I'll do like a, I'll do like a Michael Scott roll up and say it, you know? Oh my God. Yes. I need to make this collab happen. I think. Um, I wanted to bring it to this, uh, an Instagram post that you did. And it's, it's a little bit of a quote and, um, there's, there's so much in it, but I would love you to talk through it because I really resonated with me. And she wrote the road back to myself has been a long, confusing and hard path. I still don't recognize myself in the mirror most days, but I'm happy. I'm safe and hell I'm a, I'm a hell of a lot fatter making peace with

this part too, but I'm still standing. Fear doesn't take up space in my home anymore. It's been replaced with gratitude, tremendous gratitude. This is still very new. So I could, because that post was accompanying um me finally being able to share that I have and this is the first time that I'm talking about it and I am I I'm like limited on what I want to share because it's very it's very difficult and I've also been crying all morning because like it you know it's just like yeah um for the past 10 years that my career has been in the public eye I have been brutally transparent about all aspects of my life, except for when I realized that I was in an abusive relationship. And I didn't realize that I was in an abusive relationship until many years into it.

And it was somebody pointing out to me that I was being abused and me looking at them like they were absolutely mad and saying, what are you talking? Like, no, like I kind of wanted to be like, do you know who I am? Like, I would never let someone abuse me. But then I learned very quickly that I wasn't letting it, it was happening to me, you know, and I wasn't, I kept saying, how was I allowing this? But again, it, it was, it was, it was happening to me. I wasn't allowing it. Um, and I, every single day was miserable. I talked a lot about having postpartum over the years. And while I did have postpartum, it was because I couldn't say that I was being abused. And so I just felt, and it's very freeing to be able to say this because I, it's such a big part

of my life that I haven't been able to share. And for so long, the part that you mentioned that you quoted, for so long, I was just every single day, I was walking on eggshells for various reasons. I felt like I couldn't be myself. Well, I couldn't. It's very layered and very difficult, but I'm so happy now. Being able to talk to you guys and sit in my car and look at the sun and the palm trees in front of me is something that I have seen for 10 years living in LA but it's different when you are no longer living in fear every day and then everything just feels better and I just find myself like like I started listening to Emery again and I know Jack will appreciate this they're my favorite because Riley and my older son his middle name is

Emery like that's how much I love Emery stop Emery is like this very like deep cut emo christian band christian band and um i they're my favorite and i've been listening to them a lot and it just makes me so happy because i'm like god like i didn't know that i could be this happy and now that i'm this happy i never like i just like never want to stop being this happy and just being grateful that I had the choice to leave when so many people don't get that choice oh man I think it's so interesting too like when you're talking about how you didn't know that you're in an abusive relationship and I think that so many women out there can um resonate with that looking retrospective retrospectively back into their relationships where abuse looks so different

to so many different people. And a lot of times it's silent and a lot of times it's, um, psychological. Yeah. I mean, it's emotional abuse. You're never going to think that you're being emotionally abused when it's happening to you a lot of the time. So, um, I think that that is such a poignant thing that a lot of women can relate to for sure. And I really appreciate you, you know, talking about it. Cause it's hard, especially in a public space, being a public figure, that's really difficult to do because you never know what kind of feedback you're going to get from it. What motivated your decision to come out now? Because I know that that's something you probably didn't ever plan on coming out with. Well, part of it was Twigs, the musician,

came out um I don't know if you guys followed like um about Shia LaBeouf and when she posted the details of what happened um this was about two months ago when she did it I it has been weighing so heavily on my heart because I remember seeing that and I remember seeing her and I'm such a fan of her and her work and how strong she is and what a badass she is And I thought, that's me. And I know that people in power and people that are, you know, in the public eye go through all of this. I definitely know that I'm not alone. but being, but seeing someone that, that was, you know, just like so cool, like effortlessly cool and just themselves saying things that had happened to me. I just, it's been weighing on me. So I've just been thinking about it for the past, you know, couple of weeks. And then the day that

i did it today is what tuesday so sunday i was having a conversation with my older son and he he kind of said like something that sparked a memory and i just started writing and i'm sure as you guys know because you guys are very talented um writers you guys are killing these questions and just everything all of the other amazing things that you guys do um but it just uh I felt like I had to and I'm sure you guys understand that as writers yourself you sometimes something just comes to you and you feel it on your soul and you just have to I just had to it was that it was the day and I felt so surrounded by love I still do um I just you know am reminded that some people really suck you know so yeah it's true and I mean Tess listen we love you

and um we're so proud of you but girl don't read the comments you know better basic behavior I don't know what you know what you you've been busy raising children and like I do we just have to have a reminder we don't have the comments you know if someone comes up and says something, then you can have a discussion with them. But the comments are a no. Um, and you also have to understand that, that we've found in, in creating our brand and coming out with stuff, not nearly as vulnerable, but things that are private and are we meant to keep private. And then we decided we had this duty as women in the public to tell the good, bad, the ugly. Um, we found that when we share that kind of stuff, the loudest voices are

always the most hateful some of the times. And there's an overwhelming amount of women, thousands of them who are probably feeling like what you've shared is going to save them and going to save them from being stuck in something and showing that someone as strong as you, as famous as you, as beautiful as you can also go through something like this. Just know that the trolls are really loud, but there are masses of women that you have helped in, in coming out with this. So really we're, we're very proud of you. Sounds condescending, but we're inspired. No, I appreciate it. And that's, that's the bigger, uh, you know, that's the bigger reason why I did what I did and why I felt like I needed to, um, you know,

like I just woke up to a few angry messages today from people and I just thought, um, I'm so glad that I did it because I know that it will help other people. And, um, yeah, I just feel really grateful. And also thank you guys for giving me a space to talk about it so freshly. Oh my gosh. Well, thank you for allowing us to, we feel honestly very honored. Yeah. And let, I want to move on to something. Um, really happy. I want to know about 2021 tests. Like what world are you taking over? Like what's next on the bucket list? I don't know where you go after a cover of people magazine Vogue and being a viral sensation. Like, I mean, those things are still on my list. So like what, what's the big dream?

Um, I can honestly say that this year, everything that I have, I mean, I have marked so many things off of my bucket list. I mean, I feel so, again, incredibly grateful to have had the career that I've had. But the opportunities that are happening in my life right now, I truly believe are because I have cut the toxic energy out of my life. And so the things that I have been manifesting and working towards are finally coming to fruition this year. Um, so I'm doing a lot of amazing things. Um, I'm working on two TV projects, clothing collab. Um, I am doing all kinds of other things. So, um, you're booked and busy. I am. So my podcast is launching and it will be available on all platforms um where you can listen to it and also watch it on youtube welcome to the

pod world yes happy for you you're such a good speaker like your podcast is gonna kill it thank you i'm honestly i can't even believe that i have a podcast i'm really i'm really excited i have been definitely inspired by you guys and so many other women because there's not enough women in in the podcast world um especially like really outspoken vocal like there's not enough so I feel um I feel really grateful to like be in this space and also the whole point of my podcast is to interview people that are genuinely making the world a better place in whatever area they're doing that in um but but a slumber party so I want you guys to like be my guests because my only role is that you have to show up to my podcast in your pajamas oh this is so good because i've only worn pajamas

any real clothes anymore so it's perfect we're in our pajamas right now yep i listen like last year i launched my like like a streetwear like collab for f your beauty standards and i will launch like june but i was i had been working on this and the designs for over a year. And the irony that I launched like sweatpants during a pandemic, it was, and now like you guys just made me realize that I'm, that I have a podcast where people show up in pajamas in a pandemic. So. What'd you say? You have divine timing. I know. Honey, the timing is divine. All right. Well, when we come back, Tess is going to fix your life because she is crushing. You guys, I'm getting very excited at the potential of a possible vacation in 2021.

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travel.com slash lady gang that's away travel.com slash lady gang you know i am constantly doing a million things at once i wear many many different hats and sometimes when life gets like a little bit too overwhelming and i want to just sit down escape and have a little distraction while also using my brain i pick up best fiends so best fiends has a world full of lovable characters thousands of levels and more content that gets added all the time and i've been playing for actually years now and i'm already checking my phone for the latest update best fiends is so so much fun and there's something new today and tomorrow and literally every day after that because there are thousands of levels to play and counting plus tons of cute little characters to

collect it's my favorite part about best fiends the aesthetic is so cute it's adorable so if you never get tired of solving puzzles there's good news for you because with best fiends the fun literally never ends just don't blame me if you become slightly obsessed so if you want to check out best fiends download best fiends free today on the apple app store or google play that's friends without the r best fiends hey ladies ask the lady gang okay so we're back so for this part of our podcast we have our listeners writing questions kind of like a dear abby and we try to give them some advice sometimes it's bad sometimes it's good but we're going to fix some lives. Our first question comes from Catherine. She says,

I'm a 22 year old girl and I've slept with a lot more guys than my friends. I've only shared my number with my two closest friends because honestly I'm ashamed of it. But that, but the day that I did, my friend told her boyfriend, now he tends to throw me at his friends because he says I'm a quote, easy hookup. Do I have the right to be angry at her for telling him my number? or is it not my place to say what she can and can't tell him i'm really not okay with any of this i'm so annoyed right now that is one of the most questions that i think we've ever gotten tell her she's dating a loser loser yeah an absolute like like only yeah only insecure losers that's great i don't even know another word to describe that person would do something like

that but also I'm so I've had so many toxic friendships and now I'm like very uh like I'm very particular about who my actual friends are um but yeah she has absolutely every reason to be upset and also uh men take pride in their numbers and the fact that women get shamed for them is ridiculous. I've had sex with a lot of people. I'm going to have sex with so many more people. Who cares? Yeah. Wow. Trash. I think in your mind, you got to replace that you're ashamed of it and think that you're proud of how good you are at orgasms because orgasming greatly is a learned trait. You're not orgasming to your full extent on lover one. I mean, well, just because she's number one, she's sleeping. I didn't orgasm

with like 80% of the men on my list. So going back to, going back to what you're talking about, I wrote this passage in our book about literally about the number and about how, I mean, I don't know my number i've never counted it because i don't think that it literally matters at all and the passage in the book was basically about like don't count your number like it has nothing to do with the kind of person you are has nothing to do with your character has nothing to do with the people that you date in the future like as long as you guys both get an std test before you have sex without a condom like then you're good to go so what you said where it's like men get praised for how many people they've slept with and women get shamed is so fucked up. Like it is so

fucked up and we need to change that by not giving a fuck about our numbers. Exactly. Yeah. And if you're uncomfortable with your number, which you shouldn't be, I don't even know mine. Every time I've tried, I'll be laying in bed hours later. And then you remember someone else. Oh my God, that one guy from Tinder that I don't even remember his name. but anyway you remember his name i don't even know no meaning i'm giving myself too much credit but like even if you're not if you haven't come around to the idea of it yet like then it's also nobody's business no and you can lie about your number you can you can exaggerate you can do whatever the you want because it's your body and it's body autonomy here according to jess

yes it is bitches also if somebody ever asks you your number that you're dating don't tell them like like you said that is nobody's business and i usually just use 69 for everything like i usually am like your age 69 i like six it's just like well it's like 69 for 20 so i just like that's always i don't know 69 so yeah i love this great i also just want to throw on that i had a really great sex dream about harry styles last night okay next question okay our next question comes from ditch or just an itch she says my boyfriend and i have been together since i was 18 i'm now 24 and we have a beautiful baby boy together i love him so much and we have built such a great life but recently i've been fantasizing about other men and i've

even caught myself flirting with co-workers we have a great sex life and i think my boyfriend is hot as so i'm confused is this just a long-term itch that i'm getting or am i falling out of love with him oh this is such a good question this is me can i take can i start off jump in kelty i'm gonna say that when you're in a long-term relationship with someone i think it's really normal to fantasize about other people and like you're sitting on the plane well when we used to go on planes like you'd sit next to someone the airplane and you're kind of like dreaming about meeting them and you're like oh like remember that time we went we're on tour and i was sitting next to a really hot guy and i was like flirting with him like it doesn't mean she also took his phone

and subscribed him to this podcast at the same time. It was so embarrassing. It was embarrassing. But it's like, I love my husband. I was just having this conversation because I just found out that one of my really good friends, their marriage, they're splitting up and he's leaving her for someone else.

And it was like, I love Chris Knight and I would never do anything to hurt him. And I would never like hurt our marriage in that way. But like, I absolutely enjoyed my sex dream with Harry Styles. Like, and I think that's totally normal. And that's what keeps your marriage alive. If you put yourself in this box where you're like, I can't even see anyone else, then you're going to feel so constricted that it's doomed to fail. That's my opinion. It's like going on a diet. If you're restricting yourself completely from

everything, you're going to end up like binging on something, or it's going to, you're going to be thinking about this stuff all the time. So like you said, like allow yourself to go like, look at the hot guys or like have like a really innocent flirt. But then when it comes to, if you're actually thinking about hooking up with this coworker, then I feel like then it's time to maybe reevaluate what your feelings are. But we're humans, like humans are always going to be curious about things. So I don't think that it's a problem yet. I mean, I agree. I, I flirt with literally anything that has a heartbeat. I don't, I don't care if I don't care how old I don't care what they look like I love to flirt and I also have gotten very far in life by flirting so

whoever I end up with is gonna have to deal with the fact that I will flirt with their dad probably their mom um maybe maybe like I don't know a co-worker but if we're in a monogamous relationship and a committed relationship it doesn't go any further but I agree with all of your points that it's totally healthy and normal. And if you feel like it's not, then that's why you have a conversation with your partner and then you guys decide, you know, what to do. Amen. Okay. Last question comes from Aaron and she says, and this is funny because we kind of talked about it before. It says in general, women are becoming more open about cosmetic procedures, but how can we never hear about men getting Botox, liposuction, hair transplants, or even just their brows done?

Most of the men in Hollywood are competing in auditions, just like women and are pressured to look a certain way too. So you'd assume they'd take full advantage of everything available, but would any of them admit to it? Is it a common thing that's just not allowed to be talked about or do men wake up on a bed of roses and stroll right through their days? The men in my life barely know what a barber is. So I'm just curious. I'll start. Go ahead. Um, so, uh, we work in Hollywood. I am an actress. I work with a lot of men who do things to their faces and, um, none of them talk about it, but because I have a keen eye for work, I can point it out and pick it out in the Botox and the hair. Every man in Hollywood has hair transplants, just point blank. There's

no way that just people in Hollywood just have great hair. Matthew McConaughey did not go from a receding hairline to a flowing man bun that matches his wife's head of hair in his forties. So no, allegedly every man in Hollywood gets hair transplants. And, you know, I think the thing is, is that yes, there are probably the majority of men out there that don't, but that's okay. I mean, it all just depends on like Tess was saying, body autonomy. If men want to do stuff to their faces, we shouldn't judge them. And I also feel like it's their business if they want to share, if they're doing it too.

i don't think they have to come out and shout it from the rooftops um just like i don't expect women to i think that um more men get it than we think it's just societally we shame women for aging we want them to always be useful but men get the rugged handsome salt and pepper daddy vibes and women get tossed aside after like the age of like probably mid forties to where they're not sexy anymore. Then we get labeled with like the cougar and like, you know, dried up and like all of the other stuff that they label women to be. So I actually think that societally we have set up a unhealthy dynamic where it's okay for men to age and it's not okay for women. So we're always chasing it so I agree I just think that um and I also agree with everything you were saying

and body autonomy clearly and all of that but I think that um I think that a lot of men get it and uh we just give them more passes it's just how men in Hollywood are fat but they're deemed as lovable and like teddy bears and if women are fat or plus size then they're disgusting and picked apart so well like even even the concept of dad bod is so fucked up because it's like okay well now the dad bod is hot but it's like you have a dad bod because you've gotten a little bit older and then like stopped working out as much and whatever but then moms who literally birthed a child completely changed there's no love for the mom bod there's only love for the bad bod like how misogynistic is that just in general like that's so up yeah so um yeah i'm

glad we all agree do you find do you find that there are more men or more women who are outspoken like on your instagram or the trolls out there judging you for your body most of the trolls that i get are men um saying like they would never want to like me or i would never touch you and I actually tweeted this recently. I'm like, it's funny when people, when, when men say that they would never want to touch me because like, first of all, I would never let you, my standards are ridiculously too high for, you know, Carl from wherever, you know what I mean? I'm only using Carl because he, this, I met this guy on Tinder because I'm new to dating apps. You guys, I never used dating apps until like three months ago because I was married. So dating apps didn't

exist and i met this guy carl who stood me up on a first date after we facetimed and talked for like three weeks i got cleared off as a 35 year old woman carl and i was like i was like what i was gonna go on a date with you even though your name was carl you know what i mean nobody wants a carl who looks at their baby and names their baby carl so i just was like you know so i just thought you know what, Carl, like these men that, yeah. So it's mostly men that, that say gross things about me. And it's most of the support is our women or folks that identify as female. Once again, we're the superior species. A hundred percent. Well, listen, Cass has to go shovel out her house from the water. We are so excited about your podcast. We are so excited for, to welcome you.

the name of the podcast? What are you calling it? It's slumber party with Tess holiday slumber party. We're so excited about your new podcast slumber party with Tess holiday. You can follow Tess and get all the info and see when the new episodes drop at Tess holiday. You can also follow F your beauty standards. Um, you're so lovely. This was everything I dreamed it would be for the last five years. Um, I'm so glad our divine timing worked out to be here. Thank you for being so real and raw. And, um, I can't wait to see everything you do. And like lady gang is here for you whenever you need support and we can't wait to come in our pajamas which we're also wearing right now on your show and we will see you next tuesday thanks for listening the lady

gang is produced by alex ingber will sterling steve delameter and jared monaco make sure you subscribe rate and review our podcast and if you love it share it with your friends on social media like oh my god i just listened lady gang this episode's are great swipe up to listen and if you really want to which we know you do please follow us on social at kelty at becca at jack vanek and at the lady gang sign up for our newsletter at the lady gang.com and join our secret facebook group it's super fun see you next tuesday