LadyGang - The Stack's Traci Thomas

Episode Date: April 23, 2019

Take a look...it's in a book...it's the host of your new favorite book club podcast! Join the Ladies as they learn to not judge a book by it's cover with a book club session about "Tell Me More: Stories About the 12 Hardest Things I'm Learning to Say"--Kelly Corrigan's surprising tale about loss and the lessons learned from it. Follow the podcast on Instagram @theladygang and email Jac, Becca and Keltie at [e-mail]! And check out the TV show page's official page @ladygngtv! Check out new episodes of the LadyGang TV show every Sunday at 11:00 only on E! And thank you to today's sponsors:  Amazon = Go to amazon.com/shop/ladygang to find their favorite products while keeping the podcast FREE! BruMate = Visit BruMate.com and enter promo code LADYGANG to get 15% off your first order Bio-Oil = Pick up a bottle of Bio-Oil today or find a retailer near you at FindBio-Oil.com     Higher Education = Use promo code LADYGANG at checkout to get 20% off your first order at HigherEducationSkinCare.com  Noom = Visit Noom.com/LADYGANG to start your trial today Pantene = Check out Pantene Intense Rescue Shots today See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey guys, the following podcast is a Lady Gang Network and Podcast One production, which means it's going to be awesome. Well, what is this? Welcome to the Lady Gang. That's amazing. Say that again. The Lady Gang. Things are about to change around here.

Each week we catch up with Hollywood's hottest girl posse, Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to the Lady Gang. I am Becca Tobin here with Jack Vanek and Kelty Knight. and it's night time the amount of times I've tried to get my own signature segment on entertainment tonight called

night time is 20 I didn't understand that why would they give it to you what if I had my own late night talk show and it was just called night time well that would mean that we didn't have lady gang anymore and I'm not really a fan of that what if lady gang was like at 1pm

anyway it's too racy it's too racy they can't put us on daytime tv absolutely not there's too many talks we also can't talk about anything with relevance no that's all right ready now it's time for good week yes it is bad week oh no i'm going first go good week remember how some weeks ago i talked about that i found on my ring camera someone trying to break into my backyard yeah i have not stopped thinking about it i know i'm glad you're still alive you better come for me motherfuckers did you get a gun oh no you didn't get a gun i got i mean that's

the only time i'm really asking someone to come for me three more security cameras come after me bro ginormous spotlights if you walk on my property at night it's about to be a star is born everyone will see you the nasa people nasa nasa people up in space in the bahamas i know in space, they're going to be like, oh, and down there is Los Angeles. And what is that bright light? It's my house. You can see it from space. A hundred percent. Come for me. I don't care who you are. A human, a possum, gray cat that's constantly walking across my driveway at 2am setting off my alarm. Come for me. I feel like you might be like giving too much personal information about your house. Okay. Anyway, bad week. Actually, I need to discuss something with

you you really need to be more careful on instagram you're posting photos with addresses behind you i am yes you are and i feel like i'm constantly i feel like i'm constantly um lecturing you on instagram etiquette mom you are and so i didn't the other day because i'm like i've been on her case too no you should be on my case but i don't want to offend you but you posted something is it on my regular feed we'll discuss it later but you need to anytime you're somewhere where there is an address or a street name or anything. Oh, I know what you're talking about. If you get a crazy enough van or deep van.

Which you have. Yeah, that's true. They can put the pieces together. No, you're right. You get a prison van. You know what? You're right. You're right.

And I know where my mistake was made. I will fix it. Bad week. I got picked up on an Uber this week. Speaking of people coming to murder me, I got picked up and the Uber was in my driveway. And then he was backing on the driveway to go back up my street. And the car's like, and it makes this terrible noise. And I just hear his little voice in the front seat.

And he goes, sorry about that. Reverse is something I struggle with. Story of my life. I was like, oh, my God. This is not a good way to start an Uber ride when he goes, reverse is something I struggle with. I love the way he, like, worded that. If reverse is something you struggle with. Don't be an Uber driver.

Being an Uber driver is, you know what? Be a postmate where no one is in the car with you. Your only passenger is food. Yeah. And that's fine. That's good. You can't hurt somebody. Which, by the way, my postmate ate some of my Chick-fil-A fries last night.

No. I'm certain of it. No. No. Chick-fil-A overflows. You know they're generous with their fries. I bet that, no. I bet you anything, this happens to me all the time, he put the bag on the seat.

And it tipped over. He stopped short, and some of the fries went on the, because I don't think someone's malicious enough to go in for the fry, but I bet the fries popped over. If I was a postmate's driver and I had Chick-fil-A fries, I absolutely would take at least one. Sensible waffle fry. Okay, good week. So, one of my favorite Love Island couples has broken up. Oh, God.

Oh, no. How will you survive? No. But the way that they announced their breakup on Instagram was kind of amazing. Oh. They took Gwyneth Paltrow's breakup statement. Uncoupling. The whole unconscious uncoupling.

And they just filled in the blanks so it made sense with their relationship. And I loved it. You know what? I love them. We're going to co-parent our hamster together. and it was i love that it was amazing so kudos to them bravo good for them megan and wes you're a great couple in r.i.p bad week something i just found so i talked a couple weeks about this thing called deep fakes and it's basically like the technology that people have that they can put

like ariana grande's face on a porn and it's the technology is so insane that it looks real i actually pay someone to do that for me so that i can be rose in titanic that's hot actually which part though when he's drawing her or when she dies or he draw me like a french girl wouldn't that be amazing if i started just paying people to put my face on major movies like hunger games with becca tobin and then you just change your wikipedia it's all about you know people everything's fake on the internet my friend is a movie poster designer fun fact um there was a wait isn't that jeffrey's husband hector yeah and um fun fact there was a movie this past summer it wasn't jaws but it was something like that where it had a shark and then there's like people in the water

the mag or something yes he photoshopped himself onto that movie poster the real one hector the person who made that poster is one of the people in the floaties did they amazing they know he was doing it or did he it was like i have no idea i don't know if i'm ousted or whatever but he like hid himself and he's like there's hector that's what i did to myself because i was on yearbook in high school and i put myself almost on every single page you're such a douche i knew you'd be on yearbook i'd be i changed i literally controlled but that's the thing i controlled the whole entire school all of our yearbook titles were like emo song titles it was amazing does anyone aspire to be on every page of the yearbook i just did it i just trolled it i didn't give a

shit when you were on really i would put my hand in a picture and i would tag myself like in the you know the back where they'd have like how many pages you're on i had like 50 pages such a loser anyways i got in trouble so bad week is there's a there's a deep fake of uh jennifer lawrence and Steve Buscemi that I will show you guys right now. Nope. Steve Buscemi's face photoshopped onto Jennifer Lawrence's acceptance speech. Wow. Let me see this. That's amazing.

That's so good. It's scary. I have a really sad Steve Buscemi story. What? His wife just passed away. His wife just passed away. Do you remember when I went to the Golden Door for like that retreat? Steve Buscemi and his wife were there. Last summer we spent the whole week together. And he had like his people that he sat with and like we did

archery beside each other. But then the last night I sat next to him and his wife and had, like, a great conversation with him. And I'm almost, I mean, listen, I don't know anything about him or his life, but I assume that they were, like, traveling together and taking these trips because she had been sick, you know? So it was just so sweet. And he was, like, the nicest guy.

And I was like, what's it like to be, like, Steve Buscemi? I mean, you're the coolest, you know? And he was just, like, he, like, had no idea, like, how, what an icon he was. And he was just so excited to do archery. And I was like, me too, Steve Buscemi. That's a cool. Me too. What a cool, like, environment to be in with Timmy Shemmy.

He's, like, so random. He's, like, calling me. He's, like, my archery partner. Because, like, you had to, like, have two people on one bullseye. Yeah. Anyway. What a guy. All right.

Okay. Becca? Here's mine. My bad week is this. So I was thinking after Lady Gang TV finishes and I can do whatever I want with my hair because, you know, E owns us now and we have to keep our hair the same way. I was like, oh, I'm going to go. i'm just gonna try to like get a little darker like back to my natural color whatever i took a

break from coloring it for a little bit to like see what that even looks like it's all gray oh shit there's no there's no world in which okay i'm looking at you right now if you came up if it were daylight and i parted my hair for you it would be all gray but the good thing is you're blonde now like i feel like the gray is just it'll blend like but here's what i'm scared of my grandmother my dad's mom went 100 white in her late 30s and she kept it she just like she would tint it blonde and it was so it was like platinum but she had all white hair and that's who i look exactly like well at least you'll know what you're gonna look like with white hair yeah but like you're not ready i'm not ready for white hair i'm not ready no we're not

and I'm almost old enough but the same thing happened you know I've been taking a break for the last little bit and like letting my hair just breathe and like grow up my natural roots which like if your natural root is that dark

yes it's so dark I mean we colored a little bit but like it's it's essentially this is how dark it is but the amount of grays that were popping

and I was like oh my god I'm at that point like we're there it's crazy it's such bullshit it's not

I just can't and like Chris has gray in his beard and it's so sexy to me because it's sexy on him because the world is sexist yep it's bullshit and also why the do i have gray hair on my head and then my mustache is dark black

could not be blacker the blackest black like a gray mustache unfair life is unfair okay but here's my good week so i very rarely look at my tagged photos on instagram because it's usually becca makeup we've gone through this so it's like not even anything pertaining to me and occasionally like some things come up for lady gang if fans are like listening to the podcast and post about it and sometimes it's like glee fans and people that still have like glee instagrams and i was on the airplane like a very long flight and my headphones wouldn't work in the freaking tv so i was like i have to listen to some music or like watch something on my phone and i go to my tagged photos and i was looking for something and then i noticed that like every six photos that i'm tagged

in is a musical performance from glee like a full performance that i never bothered to even open because i'm like i lived it i i don't need to see it but it's been so long at this point that i opened up some of these videos and i was like oh my god i a i forgot that i sang this song and like b it just brought up like the greatest memories oh and i was like thank god for these people who are still like posting about glee because otherwise it really would just die because it's not on netflix anymore in the in your i what's it called when you look back at things nostalgia are you super proud of yourself or like wow i was really good i'm i was like why didn't i know then yeah that i was crushing it yeah like right not that i'm so talented but like i was

crushing it dude i did not give myself enough credit i was on a show that a lot of people wanted to be on every like we were triple threats which you don't find on tv anymore and i'm like okay it's time to stop being so self-deprecating and acknowledge the fact that like being a triple threat in hollywood it does not exist that much anymore so you know what guys i'm back thanks to the glee accounts for reminding me that i did cooter slams i sang my face off and i was acting on that note we're gonna talk about books now back to the lady gang since we just spent time in new york city meeting with publishers for a possible lady gang book we thought it would be perfect to invite the host of our

favorite book podcast the stacks onto our show to talk books to read bookish behavior and books that changed our lives and when she's not reading this beauty is spinning her goddamn heart out motivating motivating you at flywheel and we're so excited to discuss a book she thinks that you should all read tell me more by kelly corrigan please welcome to the podcast tracy thomas welcome is that your real name yeah it's a stage name it's my real name but do you want to hear something crazy yeah my married name is tracy casey no it's real yeah it's a nightmare when i met my husband no god no when i met my husband the night i met him i was literally like oh well this won't work out because i could never possibly be tracy casey and now here we are it's like julia

gulia that's right thank you for appreciating because people try to say to me like oh that's so cute and I'm like imagine your name was Becca Lecca people would like what a nightmare right it's cute if you're like a four-year-old are you legally Casey Spacey no I she's like Tracy Casey would you say Tracy I'm legally Tracy Thomas but on my marriage license I did put Casey in case I ever thought that it would be cute like when I'm 70 uh yeah maybe it's cute again when you're like kind of yeah forgetting about it would be cute if I was like a wedding planner maybe or like something really just like where i could be cute but if i had to go into a business meeting and be like hi i'm here to change your lives i'm tracy casey like what a nightmare you could work it do

you think you could ever use it as like your book published like author name no sorry jake i don't know if i could take somebody seriously with that name it's not it's not an ideal name what you should do with your money by tracy casey it sounds like a scam it literally sounds like if you were like casey casen what's the guy's casey casem case i think he's dead he is he was a radio personality right well there's also eric erickson who's like a like a person oh and um luke lukewarm no is that real yeah wait no birth name whose last name is lukewarm i'm just making them up i was like are you kidding me not what we're doing like if someone was named lady lady gang literally not doing these are all real anyways well let me give a little bit more of a backstory

Tracy and I met at the ripe age of 18 in New York City. She was going to NYU and I was going to an unaccredited university conservatory. And we smoked hookah together. We had a friend who introduced us that she was in college with that I had been in high school with. We go out. We smoke hookah. We still have those photos, which is crazy. And now it's like a million years later.

She's a really good friend of mine. Her husband is the OBGYN who I call every time I have a vaginal. Oh, my God. And at your wedding, at her wedding, Jack and I were drunk harassing your husband about our vaginas. That's correct. That's correct. But I need to know what IUD to go on. Not in the main room, but in the side bar room, like kind of later.

I remember this so well. Me too. And your husband was there and was like, all right, Kelty, it's enough. He was like, do you want to dance? And you were like, actually, can you look now? Yeah. Oh, yeah. He'll tell you what IUD to go on.

He'll take care of you. He hooks me up with info. He really is. He's got the answers. Isn't it weird, though, that your husband knows more about your vajiji than you do? Yeah. I mean, is he so good in bed because of his anatomy knowledge? His mom's probably going to listen to this.

Am I going to die? Yes. Only say what you want. Say what you want. Be careful with your words. She risked being Tracy Casey for the man, so he probably knows what he's doing. He's a lovely gentleman. He's great.

He knows where things are, which most men do not. But here I'll tell you what's interesting. I always laugh because he'll be telling me about a patient that he's had and he's talking about something and like something really basic will come up like something weird about a tampon and he won't know what she's talking about necessarily because he's never experienced it. So like sure, he knows where everything goes and he understands things and he can give you really good advice. But every once in a while it will be like, oh, she was saying something about like a pad and a thong and I'm like, well, tell her to get a tampon. And he's like, oh, she's really young. I'm like, well, she's wearing thongs, like stuff like that. Yeah.

It's interesting. Like a man would never understand that feeling. Like when they're like, how do you know you need to change your tampon? Like that feeling, it like overcomes your entire body. It's like squishy and it's starting to get a little loose. We have women listening to us. They all know. The audience, your audience is going to know.

But like your husband wouldn't know that. But like to deliver a baby, he does not need to know what it feels like when your tampon gets cold. I would say like 99% of his job he's great at, but there's every once in a while he'll bring up he'll like come home with a story and i'll be like well yeah yeah and i'm like how did you know that i like because i have one because i've done that before yeah exactly it's amazing so i just wanted to give a backstory okay it's very important i mean i rarely have friends period and i rarely have probably the first friend she's known me longer than anybody that's

been on this podcast aside from my sister probably was your sister on i didn't hear that a long time ago yeah love jess before we were a massive hit you know yeah okay so at what point were you like I love to read and I'm going to start blog podcasting and talking about books. Okay. I love to read since I was little. So just like one of those people. But when I lived in New York, I used to read a ton. And then I moved to LA and I didn't read anything. And so two years ago, I was like, I need to start reading again because I really like it and I'm not doing it. And so I set a goal to read one book a month for the whole year. And on like December 30th, I finished my 12th book. And I was like, I'm a hero. Like I actually did a new year's resolution.

That's great. Right. I felt really amazing about myself. And then – Hold on. Peace pause. By the way, that's a great goal. Isn't it a good goal?

People should do that. Yeah. I made the goal to read 50 books last year and I failed miserably. Did you break it down four books a month or did you just go 50? I said 50. I made 22. But it was like – How many books did you read last year?

Like 1,000. 89. No. My goal this year is 100. It's eight books a month and I'm almost going to finish my ninth book. So I'm very excited. It's your head of schedule. I'm ahead of schedule.

By, like, one day I do the math, it's, like, 3.65 times how many books. You are such a dork. Oh, my God. You should see my reading spreadsheets. She does have spreadsheets. Do you have a bullet journal? I don't. I don't like my handwriting.

So I prefer an internet thing. Okay. Well, thanks for coming. Okay. I'm not a Bujo fan. Well, I like other people's. Yeah. But I can't do it.

Okay. I'm sorry. She also makes a scrapbook for every year of her life, which is very Kelty Knight. I actually stopped a long time ago. Like, a few years ago, I didn't even get to my wedding. Stop. I couldn't get to it. I got overwhelmed.

But they are the most insane things you've ever seen. I want to see this. Are you going to scrapbook this? Sure. We'll take a picture. You should start scrapbooking again. I know. I know.

It's just that reading takes a lot of my time. That makes sense. Because I'm a strict scheduler. If you want to read 100 books, I don't know if I have time. Because that was a lot of my time. It was a lot of your time. Okay. So you read the 12 books.

So I read the 12 books. And then in 2017, I was like, I'm going to read 13 because, you know, I'm not going to high. And I read 24. But like halfway through the year, it kicked in that I really liked it. So I read the first six books like through June and then I read the last 18. And then last year, and as I was doing this, people started coming up to me and being like, oh, you read like you like. And they started talking more and more and asking me if I'd read this or that. And so I was thinking, wow, maybe people are interested in reading. And so then last year I started and my goal was 36. And people kept talking to me about reading. And I was like, maybe I should like start

a podcast because I feel like people would be interested in books so then I started listening to other people's podcasts about books and they were all lovely but either really smart like the New York Times or like literary whatever or else they were people who were just not talking about the books I was interested in so I was like I guess I could do this and then I called all my friends including Becca and was like can you come be on my podcast so that people will listen to me and it worked and Becca was on and she was great um and it just kind of snowballed from there like I just decided and did it. How do you afford all these books?

Okay. The library is really great. I own a lot of books. I borrow books. And then now that the show's taken off, I get books from publishers. Oh, yeah. So I have to request them and I try to be really respectful about that. Like I try not to just be like, send me all your books.

I try to only ask for books that I actually want to read. And then sometimes they send me stuff just because and then I'll read it and I'll be like, oh, it's actually good. But mostly. Would you be interested in like a book exchange with me? Yes. Okay. because i have a lot of books as well what do you like to read because i'm worried that our we're not going to have overlap what's your what's your vibe what do you read i like

non-fiction true crime dark twisty yeah that's not kind of stuff how do you even know well i just read a book about someone who murdered their baby oh my god so go f**k yourselves okay i'll trade you for that okay i'll take that but i don't know if i have anything that i read memoirs I read true stories and then I read like anything Reese Witherspoon's making into a limited series I feel like you could have some

there might be some overlap I've also opened up my reading a lot more because of the show like I'll read because now I'm like if I'm reading this many books I can afford it should be 3.65 days to read a book for me so I can afford that time on something that I'm less interested in well to hit 100

wow this is so nerdy Becca, I don't understand how you're friends with this woman and you are constantly wanting to get out of my friendship. Like, we're so similar. Tracy and Kelty. Yeah. Kelty Welty here is basically the same person. You guys are very similar. Yeah, thanks.

You guys are very organized, go-getter, crafty people. Watch your words here, girl. I'm wondering where this is going. It's not going well. You want to wrap this up? Tracy's not really my boss. you know what I mean she also doesn't have to

spend like every day of her life I also get to go have like afternoon tea with Tracy and then not have to see her you I see like not get to see her

not get to see her that's right you I have to see and share a business with all the time and it's great but you know what I love you

I know you do and I think you're a special flower thank you and I'm obviously attracted to these types of people you are

it's true I have my shit together I like people who have theirs together you need a spreadsheet person I do you do

I'm drawn to those people someone has to do the spreadsheet yeah my husband's a spreadsheet person so that i can be the wild flower in the field be fun time um okay so uh the podcast is called the stacks which is so great genius um should we move and talk about the book yeah yes okay first of all tracy and i saw each other twice since reading the book and then this podcast and all we could say to each other was holy shit that's not what i expected cried my eyes out but we didn't get any further because we're saving it for this.

You're really good at giving a description of what this book is. I'll try. The book is called Tell Me More. It's by Kelly Corgan. It's marketed as a book about learning to say difficult things.

It's kind of marketed as women... It looks like a self-help book. It looks like a self-help book and it's kind of woman-y. It has a woman-y vibe. It's orange, pink, and purple. Also, that's literally not the book. basically you open the book and the first page like the dedication page is you know to normally it's like to my mom and this is like i lost two people in my life that were really important my

mom my dad and one of my really good friends and basically the entire book's about grief yeah and you know she goes through the like of course there are the things that she's learning to say that are really obvious like yes and no and i was wrong and like things that have you saw this book you'd be like i bet i could guess six of them and those six are in there but then there are sections where she's talking about wait have your listeners read it okay well we told them to but not all of them okay i won't i won't go nuts on my show we sometimes spoil so i like you could definitely spoil you can spoil i mean there's not a ton to spoil like that's the nice part about it it's like you could tell every detail but yeah reading it yeah so so she goes through these

things and by the time she gets towards the end of the book you've met these two people her father and her friend who have died and you've kind of like connected with them she brings them to life and then the one that I just was wrecked and I don't cry over books like that's not me I'm usually I have time I just don't care like I don't I gotta get it's 3.65 days I gotta get going I'm on the airplane with my husband and there's an empty seat between us think thankfully and I just start falling oh my god falling and he like looks over at me like what's going on and I point to the book and he's just like okay like he I think he thought that maybe I had the internet and, like, someone had died or something.

But, like, I was weeping. And she's just talking about moving on in life after her best friend has died. And it's just really powerful to hear her talk about, like, the traditions that they've started in her family and in the woman who passed away's family. And it's just, like, really – I found it to be really meaningful. It's, like, the most beautiful thing I've ever read about death. Yeah. For sure.

And on the plane, I was like, I have some friends who've lost people recently. And I was like, I'm just going to send them all copies of this because it just – It is. Like I felt like it would be healing. I mean my father passed away almost seven years ago. And reading it, I was like, whoa, I wish I had this because it was helpful. Wow. It's very cathartic.

Yeah. Yeah. So that – and then also she's funny and like she's self-deprecating and she talks shit about her kids and her husband. And it's fun, but also it's not as self-healthy lady-y as it looks. It's less fluffy and it's a little deeper. Becca has things she has highlighted in her bullet journal. I went through with things that are, like, very in line with things we talk about on the podcast and, like, this book. So one of the chapters is titled No and Learning to Say No.

She has a mother who sounds like a total badass, but her entire life her dad was very social. And they were still married, happily married. She decided, like, at some point in the marriage, she's not going to do it just to do it. She doesn't enjoy socializing. She doesn't want to sit at the cold soccer game. She doesn't want to do – so she said no a lot. And she didn't feel – The mom?

The mom. Okay. So she said she watched her mom, like, do this, and it was like a self-preservation that she realized she needed to learn to do. And something very interesting about no came up where it's like – let's see. besides uh no makes room for yes and who doesn't want more room for that what if they set yes you to death and then secretly hate you for it if they say no how can they trust their yes oh and that was very because we talk about it all the time there's so many like people pleasers and we're so afraid to say no and decline an invitation and it's like now and i thought about kelty i was like

i actually trust her yes because she says no all the time yeah i will not leave my house i'm a know her too like i gotta really love you yeah yeah to say yes to your thing and now i have a fun game oh fun love again in the chapter of yes it's a very simple chapter and she just says here's a running list of things i'll always say yes to okay i'm not going to read all of them but i'm going to give you examples and while i'm talking about it you have to come up with things that you will always that you always say yes to okay backgammon rummy 500 a dice game called pig cracked pepper, grated parmesan, extra guac, tequila, licorice mint tea, seltzer, salted caramel, more sleep, more volume, books with a deckle edge, a second opinion, the heated

seat option, et cetera. So it's like if you're offered this, you are always saying yes. Who's ready? I have one. Okay, go. I always say yes to dog sitting orally. You do. Always.

It makes me so much joy. It brings me so much joy. I also always say yes to reading in a bay window. If I ever get that option, like at a hotel, I'm like staying here. Really? Yes. I'll always say yes to a pot of loose leaf tea. I'll always say yes to anything outside.

I'll always say yes to a French fry. Oh, obviously. Dipped in ranch dressing specifically for me. That's even better. And I'll always say yes to a hot tub or like a jacuzzi. Me too. Even when you're drunk? Oh, yeah.

Especially. Especially. I'll get in a hot tub in 100-degree weather. Me too. Zach thinks it's the trashiest thing about me. No, I love it. I'll do like a southern hot tub. Yeah.

Like Mama June used to always like make the hot tub for the kids in the backyard. Exactly. It's like, you know, that's it. Yes, definitely a hot tub. I have a things to say yes list too. It's really – it's actually really sweet. And anyways, like the whole book itself is every single chapter you do actually – you realize all the things that are so hard to say but once you realize what they are they're so easy

yeah like when somebody's suffering like her friend was literally dying and she's like i don't want to die and she was like that's when i learned how to say i know and she's like the importance of just sayings to somebody i know is so powerful and then things like tell me more she said she has a friend who has extreme like social anxiety he hates parties but they leave parties and people are in love with this guy she's like everywhere we go oh my god i love like george or whatever his name is she's like what he does is he hates talking about himself all he does is talk to people about themselves and every time that he's like what do you do for a living and they talk about what they do for a living and he's like that must be really difficult and like just getting on

somebody's level and like understanding where they're coming from somebody's actually listening to them someone's listening to them someone's understanding them and it's somebody's like empathizing with them it's all about empathy and they walk away and she's like people it was such a mystery and i finally understand after watching him it's like tell me more oh that must be really difficult like really you could be the most socially awkward person if you just learn to sort of say those things you can yeah and one of the other one of the ones that i really resonated with me because i think it's super hard for me was the i was wrong and what she says about it is that just because you're wrong doesn't mean that you're bad.

Yeah. Like as a human, like that you're inherently bad. You can make a mistake. You can do the wrong thing. You can do a bad thing. You can do an evil thing. But that doesn't mean that you are bad. And I think that so often for me, I think that if I make a mistake and I cop to it,

I'm admitting something fundamentally wrong with me. And it's just like, oh, I made a mistake. Yeah. Ooh, yeah. And instead of her – she's like apologies are so empty and we say I'm sorry so many times. She's like instead if I upset somebody or my kids, I blow up at them or whatever it is. She says I never start it with I'm so sorry. She starts everything with I was wrong.

Yeah. And it's like for someone to hear that is just like so different than an empty apology. Because I think apologizing is really hard. It's really hard. And I think it's hard – I'll speak for myself. I think it's hard to talk about something – somewhere where you've made a mistake and not center yourself. Like if I've hurt Kelty's feelings, I'm going to say, Kelty, I'm so sorry that I hurt you as opposed to saying I was wrong, you know, and starting from a place of like this isn't about me. This is about you and not giving an excuse and not – you know, and being willing to admit word for word I'm sorry that I made fun of your bullet journal as opposed to just being like I'm sorry I hurt your feelings.

But there's something about, like, saying that you were wrong for this thing that makes it about the other person and doesn't make it an excuse. Well, I think sometimes when you're apologizing, it's so – it is, like, exactly what you said. Because, like, I don't know. I've become personal. Like, I'm a skimmer. Like, I f**k up a lot. And I'm, like, constantly being like, hey. But you, like, feel so bad.

Like, you're like, I'm the worst. But also separating the, like, I'm so sorry. Like, oh, I need myself to feel better in this situation. So I'm going to say I'm sorry. And like just going, whether you're wrong, whether you believe you're wrong or you're actually wrong or whatever happens in between to be able to power to be like, I was wrong because you're upset. Like, it doesn't matter what my intention was. Like, you're mad now. You know what I mean?

So I was in the wrong. Anyway. Okay. Does that make sense? That's the new rule, guys. I was wrong. No, the other. so the i've made a list of like the things that are in the book so there's tell me more i don't

know i know no yes i was wrong good enough i love you no words at all onward this is it i'm very interested in the this is it basically this is it is like it's all part of life this is all part of it like these moments where you feel shitty because can i say that i've sworn already oh at least for all the time on my show um because you you feel shitty something terrible has happened your dog peed on your favorite dress whatever it is that's all part of it that's the life like it's like this that's what oh sorry it's like this no that's the first one she's talking about the last one this is it isn't it the last one onward no yeah this is sorry sorry yeah well this is it and it's like this are both similar it's like this is like in the moment of the stress it's like

it's like this sometimes you know like but the this is it is more like remembering the perspective of when your best friend dies or your dad dies or your dog shits on your shoe or whatever it is that this is all part of it and that in in all of this you get to sit down and at night you go home to your orally or to your bed or to your bay window and you sit think like this is why i'm alive like more life more life more life kind of thing oh i love that yeah it says about i love you this is my favorite she says the first time the words passed between two people electrifying 10 000 times later cause for marvel the last time the dream you revisit over and over and over again see if this book is not what it looks like why do you think that they like marketed it like that so

i know she's written other books which i've never read but now i'm more interested in her i think for whatever reason she got like she must have had a popular book that got like an Oprah treatment that was like very resonant with a lot of women that maybe was fluffier or something and so they market her like this for that reason the paperback is coming out soon and it doesn't look like this it and it doesn't look as deep as it is but it's a little bit less fluffy yeah this is sweet to me yeah and it's not the book isn't sweet it's but then again I sort of like that I was tricked yeah I do too because the first chapter I was like oh my god I have to do 12 of these. And by the end of the first chapter, I was like, okay, I love it. Yeah. Yeah. Like

hits you. So on your podcast, you always ask people, uh, like a spray of questions. Um, and so some of them are the book that changed your life, the book you hated book that made you cry. Which questions would you like to open up? Okay. Like a little mini. Okay. Let's do, um, a book that you're embarrassed to have read. 50 shades of gray. Uh, Chris Angel's autobiography that is amazing that's the best i've ever gotten um i think 50 shades of gray too and like loved it also you are a badass i was embarrassed to be holding it because i felt like before people knew oh it's just like a bestseller like everybody's reading it yeah i was on an airplane and it's like it's almost like holding the don't kill yourself book yeah yeah and people

like you are a badass go get him tiger you need this more than i do like it yeah it was not subtle enough for me there's definitely been some books that i'm like super embarrassed to be holding yeah where it's like the like you're doing fine sweetie book and you're like like yeah when i went through a breakup breakup it's like how to not like hate yourself after you've got your heart broken it's a definite like remove the jacket on the airplane type book Yeah, what is your embarrassing book? So Fifty Shades of Grey is one that I often say, but I try not to get too embarrassed about anything that I read because I'm just like 3.65 days, like, on to the next one.

For an American, it's 3.65 months. Yeah, well, that's right. So I don't get as embarrassed. I feel like everything is helping me hone my understanding of reading, which is like kind of a cop-out. But Fifty Shades of Grey would have been my answer two years ago, for sure. Twilight as well. So those are the two most common answers.

twilight and 50 shades of gray um and then i'll ask the opposite of that question basically which is what's the book you're most proud to have read oh i read the entire 9-11 file book oh do you remember it was like the entire like report the report yeah i read really yeah i was living in new york and it was like this four inches fat and i read the entire thing wow it was very mind numbing jeez i read guns germs and steel oh yeah you said this on the show it's like this it's like a textbook times a million and it's all about basically like the human evolution and like theories on not theories it's science on like how people survived in certain parts of the world like based on the build like i don't i can't even describe it i'm such a moron but but it was so

dense jeez that i was like oh my god i now know why my skin is this color like because where my people came from oh yeah i mean it's interesting but within those little snippets there's a lot of like yeah my brain would probably be like it's uh yeah um mine not in like that same kind of way where it's like it was like a dense thick book but the catcher in the rye is like the book that made me fall in love with reading and with writing when i was younger and i still have my original copy from when i was like 16 and it was like all annotated like everything is highlighted i have notes everywhere so i think that's like one of my most prized possessions in life as well it like sits on my bedside table so that would probably be it oh to kill a mockingbird was my book that

made me fall in love really yeah atticus finch such a good guy tracy what's the most impressive book you've read well i read the executioner song which is 1100 pages and it's like credited as being one of the first true crime books, like, in cold blood. And I read it last year, and it was a beast. Did you read it in 3.65 days? No, I read it in 17 days, I think. Whoa. Because last year, the reason that I did not make my goal

is because I read Shantaram and The Mountain Shadow, where they're both 9, like, 1,000 pages. What? And then The Mountain Shadow, the follow-up, which is not as good, was, like, also 900 pages. Jeez. It was huge. I can't.

But Shantaram's so good. Did you read it? I haven't read it. You would love it. I've heard it's really good. It doesn't excite me, but I'm sure I'll read it one day. I don't know. Well, you're not going to read it in 3.6 days.

No. But I got to get ahead. If I get ahead, then I can pick up the days. All right. So the book Tell Me More by Kelly Corrigan is out. You guys should read it. I'm going to steal one of your questions. I'll steal it if they've been listening to us.

Some of them have read it. Yes. Have you talked about this one on your podcast yet? No. I saved it just for you guys. Yeah. I love that. Okay.

When we come back, Trace is going to help you figure out your life. Hey, ladies. Funk it. Ask the Lady Gang. And we're back. All right. You ready to give some advice out? Oh, my God.

I didn't know I was doing this, but sure. Let's do it. You have to. Okay. Yeah. I love fixing lines. It's okay. Our advice is terrible, so it can't be any worse than ours.

That's true. First question comes from Big Cat. Don't know what that means. That's a really interesting code name. Really interesting code name. she says over a half year ago i broke up with my long-term boyfriend i had been seeing for almost five years he was three years older than i am and we'd been dating since i was a junior in high school and she's 23 now the reason for breaking up was because i was having second thoughts and

he had been the only guy i'd ever dated for so long and also slept with fast forward to a couple months before splitting up i unfortunately did not stay faithful which i am not proud of i didn't tell him until months after we split it has been a hard year for me trying to forgive myself for what i did i've said my stories and even wrote him a letter how can i truly forgive myself well you're 23 don't beat yourself up truly all part of learning because you know what this is it this is the first and last time that you hurt someone hopefully or you're an asshole yeah or you're dead and just because you make a mistake doesn't mean you're a bad person i mean if you want to forgive yourself you just literally have to have this real true i was wrong moment with

yourself yeah and it seems like she had it's like she cleaned up her side of the street with no there's only one side of the street with that but she you know said her piece admitted it and admitted fault so it's like you cannot beat yourself up for the rest of your life because you're unfaithful like once but if you haven't fully which is maybe why she's holding on to some of the unwilling inability to forgive herself then maybe she has to have a real come to whoever you worship moment also i recently heard something and i don't know where and i don't know who said it but sometimes cleaning up your side of the street if it actually isn't going to affect that person like you're not to when you told him months after you broke up yeah that was to clear your

conscience and sometimes you actually have to hold on to that stuff because it's actually selfish to dump that on him if it's no longer affecting him well and it's not yeah you're not doing something sometimes you don't need to come clean because you're coming clean to clear your conscience you need to do that and figure out how you do it on your own because you didn't need to hurt him extra just a learning thing from now on from now on it is something no it's true because it's like you just made it worse for i mean it wasn't like you're gonna work through it with him or anything so there really wasn't any reason but this is a lesson and i understand why you did i think we get to this place where we're like if you're not totally honest like you're a bad person

you have to be so honest and come clean and all of this and there's definitely a time and a place for it especially if you stayed together but like if telling him is clearing your conscience and then dumping that on him and walking away sometimes that's not actually the fair thing to do you're right damn this is a learning lesson yeah dude it took me like 18 17 years to apologize to my first husband like we split and then it was like 2016 i think i wrote like a letter and sent it to his parents house like to be like hey i'm sorry i was a fuck up when i was 21 like like you were a bad person i was a bad person and like i've always felt really bad about it like 17 years but you probably didn't even need to do that i really didn't that was for you it

was for you it was for me i wanted to let go of it and i wanted to let go of the guilt and like my therapist will have me write a letter like that maybe not but not send it because it's like you get it out for yourself because you don't know what that person's already gone through what they're dealing how they're dealing with it it's like you don't want to trigger yeah oops yeah i mean he's probably fine everyone's learning you know i'm sure they didn't even give it to him okay all right definitely not second question they're like give yourself kelty my boyfriend of three yours is balding pretty hard and fast right now and he's self-conscious about it how do i help him feel better about it or get used to having a hot bald boyfriend also i'm worried i'm going

to miss having a boyfriend with hair lol as a woman who has a husband with no hair a hot bald husband hot bald husband here's the thing for some reason my husband does not have an issue with confidence it's in their whole family no like it's it's true like you've met their family yeah like these people are not arrogant they're so confident and they don't give a what they look like even though they're all beautiful people gorgeous humans but it's like they didn't place that much importance i think on looks and that's why it happened but here's that's neither here nor there he oh i mean he shaved his head after college and like rocked a bald head and to be honest with you like the the having the confidence is all that matters jason statham is the highest

paid action star ever the dude the dude has no hair on his head so like tell your boyfriend like hey i think it's hot like look at all these hot dudes out there it doesn't bother me showing them hot guys with bald yeah it doesn't bother me but if it bothers you there's solutions there's propitia there's hair transplants there even though it's expensive but like you can go on a payment plan you're not gonna miss a boyfriend with hair like every guy i dated before zach had a lot of hair and never once have I looked at him and been like I wish he had hair. See I

100% disagree. What do you think? I know I just talked about my first husband but I can remember the day. I mean I was too young to be like know what the f*** I was doing but I remember the day he was balding he shaved his head and I looked at him and I was like I will never love this.

Well you didn't love him. That's true. He wasn't your guy. I feel like hair there's so many little things that you can find to not like in someone it's super easy I do it all the time strangers people I know but if you really love someone you care about them I feel like those little things matter less yeah that's true I just think like I think it's so easy to find fault in people but like if you truly care about them you're just like that's who you are you would have less hair you didn't get the hair thing but like I bet he has a great smile or maybe

he's really fucking smart like what about that maybe he loves to read he's really nice I think maybe he treats you good she said he's super insecure about it but i think when it comes to like men that are balding i think it helps so much if they just rip the band-aid off and like either shave their head he'll feel so much more confident just being like yeah this is your choice to be bald you're not holding on to like a thread like three strands of hair or again it's like or then really be proactive about it and get hair transplants or whatever also i find that it's nice if you can be like hey like if zach were having struggling with it one day i'd be like Guess what?

I'm, like, a short, awkward – I have little limbs, okay? I'm sure if you looked at me and could change – like, you would love it if I walked out the door one day and I was suddenly a leggy 5'10 person. Like, we're not perfect specimens. Neither of us. Right. There's things I'm self-conscious about that I will always be self-conscious about, but, like, that's part of being a human. And, like, we've chosen to love each other besides for reasons that are not, like, our hair. Right.

Yeah, and if he's insecure about it, he can change it. Yeah. Show him Jason Statham. I'm telling you. The guy is short and balding. and he is what about The Rock hello

and The Rock I mean they make 50 million dollars a year of being confident like it's crazy being confident and bald last question comes from flight attendant

she says I'm 33 years old and international flight attendant that lives in New York and I've been dating a captain at my airline who's 45 and lives in London

for two years I love him but one major thing that bothers me whenever he's on a layover he'll be spending the day and party the night away with the crew

many times it's him maybe another pilot and at least two to five young 20 something year old girls i always have so much anxiety and it drives me nuts he'd never cheat my fear is that he'll find a connection with someone else because sometimes the layover will be like three days in a foreign place am i overreacting would most women feel the same as me and should i move on i have a flight attendant friend and i will tell you no to the pilots

no no every every pilot pilots all have secret families other he guarantee has a family and kids somewhere else it's the worst they're the absolute worst don't do this to yourself girl i'd never date a pilot you said you said in your thing he'd never cheat yes he would he's probably cheating right now the bears piss in the woods like also he's 45 years old partying the night away with 20 something year olds like this is not your guy now what i want you to do is i want you to look in that business or first class cabin honey find someone who has a small whiskey and then works for like eight or nine hours on spreadsheets and looks very important has nice shoes go for that guy it's literally the best job to meet a rich guy go for that guy that's what

i'm saying i was gonna actually give a totally different advice which was just if you know my husband no my husband's an ob-gyn he spends his whole day looking at other women's vaginas and works with a whole slew of women if he really likes you and he really wants to be with you and you don't think he's cheating on you he's probably not but if you're riding the lady gang if you're riding the lady gang and you're saying he definitely wouldn't cheat on you I'm telling you, he is cheating on you right this minute. Because I would never write you guys about Jake. I wouldn't be like, my husband is an OBGYN and he sees a lot of vaginas.

Like, that's it. You know he's cheating. It's over. Also, flight attendant, you probably, I think you work for a commercial airline, it sounds like. But I have a handful of girls that I know who went to private, like, corporate jets. That's when you met your husband. That's when they meet their husbands because they have lots of money and good jobs, and they love a pretty flying attendant. And they fly on private jets.

And they fly private. We need to level up, honey. It is 2019. Yes, girl. Don't be the pilot. And also, I don't like this story. I don't want my pilots to be out partying the night away with 20-year-olds and then flying me across the country. No, that's correct.

I want a pilot that's doing yoga and getting a full 10 hours of rest. None of them are. Have you read The Pilot's Wife? No. Yes. You have to read that. No. Yes.

I don't need to know bad things about pilots. I'm a nervous flyer. No, it's so good. No, it's nothing to do. It is so, and honey, read it. Okay. Honey, read it. Okay.

What day does the podcast come out on? Every Wednesday and every other Monday. Fabulous. Yeah, we do many episodes every other Monday with authors. Oh, man. So regular episodes, every guest comes on for two weeks. The first week, it's an interview where I ask all the questions. the second week we've read the same book and we discuss it and then every other monday we

interview authors about their process and that kind of amazing and let me say something too sometimes people get intimidated by book podcasts because they're like i'm not following along it's like a book club and blah blah with tracy's podcast because she does it that way where she has two episodes with each guest the first episode with every guest is like the questions that we talked about like favorite book best book blah blah blah it's like this incredible way to get book recommendations because you get a little blurb about it and you discuss it and you get to know the guest a little bit so it's like

if you're not able to keep up with the reading you could just listen to those episodes and it's like an incredible resource for finding good books yeah I didn't read this book and I really enjoyed having you on I know it's really good okay amazing

thank you for being here congratulations on everything I have a yeast infection so I need to call your husband and see you next Tuesday No, together. See you next Tuesday. Thanks for listening. The Lady Gang is produced by Alex Ingber, Will Sterling, Steve Delameter, and Jared Monaco.

Make sure you subscribe, rate, and review our podcast. And if you love it, share it with your friends on social media. Like, oh my god, I just listened to Lady Gang. This episode's so great. It's my bub to listen. And if you really want to, which we know you do, please follow us on social. At Kelty, at Becca, at Jack Vanek, and at The Lady Gang. Sign up for our newsletter at theladygang.com and join our secret Facebook group.

It's super fun. See you next Tuesday. We'll be right back.