LadyGang - Things We Learned From Oprah

Episode Date: April 28, 2020

So, Keltie went to the Oprah 2020 Your Life in Focus live event and she’s brought back a fun activity for everyone to do, including you at home! It helps you find balance in your life and can help assess where that balance is currently. Only, like…no one can be perfectly balanced all the time right? So technically the points don’t matter! Thank you to Brooklinen for sponsoring this episode! Get 10% off your first order and free shipping with code LADIES at brooklinen.com.   See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Well, what is this? Welcome to the Lady Gang. That's amazing. Say that again. The Lady Gang. Things are about to change around here. Each week, we catch up with Hollywood's hottest girl posse, Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek.

Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to the Lady Gang. I'm Becca Tobin here with Jack Vanek and Kelty Knight. Damn. Becca's low energy today, guys. I was just thinking that, but I wasn't going to say it. You need more gumption. No, if I was going to write an email right now, we would say, Becca is sad. That would be the title.

With a picture of you in bed. Because the Lady Gang is here to lift you up. Not really. Oh, you mean us? I'm certainly not lifting any of these listeners up right now. No, you're not going to lift any. You couldn't even lift a bag of groceries today with this. I have low energy, guys.

Jack and Kelty, we will help you through it. We are your emotional cheerleaders. We are here for you. Thank you, guys. I'm in an emotional low for everyone. yeah um there's really no reason which is so pathetic but like sometimes you know when you just get down yeah it's called hormones too yeah i think my hormones are a little crazy they're a little out of whack we don't need an excuse to be in a bad mood as ladies but i guess

it's like kind of shitty that like i my one job is to like pep up for an hour for you guys every suck it up bitch i'm so sorry i'm very sorry no that's okay my bad if anyone understands like a bad day you know we just don't plaster all of ours i just don't know what to even call it like it's not a celt down because it's not like you're not hysterical you're just kind of low it's it's yeah it's uh it's like a blah down it's like if you're gonna get low get low get low get low get Low get low. Low. There we go.

All the way up. It's time for bad week, bad week. Bad week, worst week. I'm going to have to really think about my good week. But while I do that, why don't you guys go ahead? It's time for... Good week. Yes, it is.

Bad week. Oh, no. I really do wish that we could do a bad week, worst week sometimes. I bet we could. Sometimes I cannot think of a good week. See, I have two good weeks. Oh, you do? Oh, well, then maybe...

You could have given one to me. So I could do good week, good week, and you could do bad week, bad week. Okay. All right. Okay. For the first time ever. Okay. Do you want to go first?

Yeah, I'll start with my good week. So I used this sponsor. You're going to hear it because I think they're coming back as a sponsor. But I had given my mom like two years ago this StoryWorth thing. Oh, yeah. And it was our sponsor. And basically it's this book that you give them like digitally. And then every week it sends the person you gift it to this email prompt.

And they go to the website and they write their story about like what was your biggest regret? What was my birth story? what do you do have you has your life been romantic like it's just these really cool like prompts yeah and my mom took it so seriously and has spent the last two years crafting the book of sheila i love this so much the difference between sheila and tom tobin is i also sent this to my dad yeah and he said i'm like you i hate writing so he won't do it this is my payback yeah totally so she she worked so hard on it to the point where she put pictures and you can order it in color or not yeah there's pictures of found out things she has two half sisters i had no idea

like there's like so many things that she talked about in this books like the book of sheila i've been reading it and literally in bed weeping every night it is so special it's probably one of my most prized possessions like she talks about when i was young and how um i couldn't say she had told this whole story that i think i had told you a little bit about but wasn't 100 on but that i used to go to speech classes yeah did i tell you this on the podcast or something yeah i had like a speech impediment and i thought that i was just what was it i couldn't pronounce any l weird i was like i was like everything was like that yeah and so my whole time growing up i spent some time in elementary school going to speech classes and i there was a girl in my class that

i was friends with miranda who was deaf and i thought i was literally going to speech classes just so miranda didn't have to be alone like my mom never told me that there was anything wrong with me and then i can't decide if i'm into that's a good or bad thing right anyway that's so sheila and then that's why i have like my false sense of like awesomeness i think that's nice so i said to her i was like i'm reading the book and i'm like mom why didn't you ever tell me and she was like i didn't want you to know i just i knew you would get better and i didn't want it to be something you were such a little perfectionist like yeah i want you to like that would end up being like an insecurity for the rest of your life the stories about like sweet growing she's like

my biggest regret is that you grew up in a house of chaos it was so emotional anyway book of sheila it's the greatest thing and i'm so happy that she did it and it's like such a beautiful prize possession you know our parents are getting older and so um it's just like a really nice thing to have and a lot of it's a lot of times parent you don't have those conversations with parents ever like my mom ended up filming my grandpa like when he was getting older to like tell his life story and all that kind of stuff but i don't think our generation really thinks of doing that because we're like we have social media it's fine and the other thing is that you have so many pictures but they all live on your phone it's like when i go home to canada and i sit down my mom has like all

these family photo albums that are like so wonderful to look through but we just don't really have that yeah anyway story worth you said it story worth yeah great it's very good okay the next good good week is i think this is very fitting for today so for good week good week so a couple weeks ago when i had my celt down i got this beautiful message from a lady ganger about growth and i want to read it to you in its entirety because it is so beautiful what she wrote and i think everyone needs to hear it it really changed me so she said kelty in raising my two young kids i've learned all about the developmental stages i continually struggle with the stages of regression that occur before one of my children moves ahead to the next stage in their life

these regressions can be dark and trying and regularly make me want to cry and question what the heck kind of mother and what i'm doing with my life but even the seemingly never-ending regressions end and but even when the seemingly never-ending regressions end and my child appears on the other side they are always new and better lady gang is your baby and sometimes you're going to have to suffer periods of regression with the publication of your book i'm sure new opportunities will materialize even as you watch some doors close there will be new ones opening hang in there mama you made a beautiful baby okay first of all thank you to a woman who birthed a human for even remotely considering this to be like we don't need your sympathy importance as your child

like bless you woman because most people with babies are like i hate when people call their careers their babies yeah so thank you for acknowledging that yes this is our baby and That was really, really sweet. I was thinking the exact same thing. I'm like, good for her. I'm like, the sympathy is amazing. We don't need it, but thank you. Yeah, but I thought.

But it's true. Kelsey does need it. I do need it. But it is true. It's like you think about that with anything in your life. Like there are those downs, but you always look back and you're like, I needed that. And relationships are the same thing. Totally.

Everything is like that. I disagree. I think some downs you just really didn't need. coming from someone in a down right now and like every single year of my life just gets worse i'm gonna say it's not worth it okay and these little regressions i don't see the bright side okay um no yeah you do have like i'm not gonna say it's luck but i have bad luck there's something with the universe that like it f**ks you no the universe does something to me it will give me two ends of the spectrum it never gives me a middle never gives you a middle it gives me

the greatest and the worst and the worst yeah i would really like a common like a middle ground just like a mild something yeah just a mild salsa like a mile a mild victory or a mild yeah defeat yeah it's like either the best news ever or the worst news ever yeah um okay i'm gonna go bad week wait i want to go because mine is not mine is i couldn't figure out if it was a good week or a bad week and then a bad week okay so we're gonna kind of like go down cool the spectrum okay so the thing you're a medium salsa i am i'm a medium so my couldn't figure out what week it was so do you guys remember like when we started our podcast i had this whole experience where this rascal flat song would come on my spotify and i would ugly cry in mcdonald's parking lot over

french fries because i was in a really bad relationship it was like this whole thing So I have a new song that makes me ugly cry so bad. What is it? It's Little Big Town Next to You. Have you heard it? No. We're not playing it for Beckett today, Jack. I'm not playing.

Okay, but if you want to like cry in your low. It's hard for a song to make me cry. It's really, so it's the same kind of romantic, like I feel it in my bones kind of song. Oh no, that's not going to make me cry. I don't believe in romance. That's going to make her punch someone. It is. It's going to make me be like, okay, you think it's so incredible, why don't you put a ring on it and call me in three years?

It's not one of those, though. It's kind of like a, it's, anyways, my point of the story being is it literally happened to me the exact same way. This is your good week. You love crying to music. You love being emo. No, but the reason, you're so inspired. The reason why I cried is because Jared had been gone for five weeks, and I didn't think that I was, like, sad about it. Because I'm like, I'm independent.

I don't give a fuck. Like, he's gone all the time. But I was on my period, and I was getting McDonald's fries. it happened at the exact same timing and i go to eat some in the parking lot this song comes on a random spotify playlist and bawling weird bawling you love him i do love him oh my god i'm like whatever i don't need him and then i'm like where's jared it was really cute that's sweet yeah i think that's a good week yeah so i guess that's a good week my bad week is so you know those instagram filters that's like which member of like friends are you or whatever i would never

participate in those so there is well there's one that's which bachelor contestant were you and so i did it like flipped around and it came on this guy blake now blake is that guy he went on bachelor in paradise he hooked up with like five girls at stagecoach and was this yes so he comes out how did they know he comes up on my thing it's like you are blake holster whatever the hell his name is so i posted it on instagram i tagged him and i'm like see it stagecoach i didn't think anything of it oh no i didn't think anything of it a few years later he writes me back with a little like kissy face and then i go and look in the messages and i had messaged him when i was single no saying you are so fucking hot you send boys messages like that when you're

single she invented it hello i talked about it like a hundred times on twitter no i know but like i kind of just felt like you were on ambient it was really late at night and i don't remember doing it so i was either on ambient or drunk you're so fucking hot yes that is like the worst way to pick up a man work i mean it didn't work you should be like they're so ugly that they would love you no that's what you're so gross that's what i find you disgusting oh my god my panties fell off like oh my god love me please anyway so then uh so awkward thank god in instagram dms you can delete whole conversations so i did and it didn't happen you know what we had a previous guest on the lady gang um i'm gonna spill some tea right now i'm not gonna use the name oh shit

But I didn't know that you could delete full conversations on DM. It's not like a text message where, like, you can delete our stream. But, like, you still have it forever. So probably two years ago, maybe, this one guest came on the Lady Gang. And we always tell people, if something gets aired or if you say something during the recording that you want to take out, we will take anything out. Like, that goes without saying for all of our guests. And we've done it for plenty of people. granted like any it's not many people that ask so she records the episode she's so cool she's so

open she's so great the episode airs and the reaction and the response from the fans was like oh my god i love her opening up like this and so it was really positive feedback but then she messages me a dm and she's like mortified she's like please please please take this episode down my husband is so disappointed he's freaking out about what i said and i feel so exploited and i'm like i'm so sorry first of all like listen we're not in the business of exploiting people yeah yeah it's it's just like not the way that we play this game if you had said something at the time we could have done something i said but unfortunately once a down an episode is downloaded like yeah it's it's out there like we can take it out of what's coming out now whatever so she was

like kind of not bitchy to me, but like a little lashing out at me and like angry with herself and a little rude about it. And I was like trying to be understanding. But at the same time, I'm like, bitch, you didn't say anything at the time. And we told you we would take it down. And yeah. And it wasn't even something that like any of us were like, ooh, should we take this out? Nothing. No, she was mad about something that she was mad about. Well, she has a shitty husband. That's what it is. Her husband didn't like her being honest. So. So then I saw her one day, bumped into her. I didn't say hi. And she was so weird to me and i was like okay whatever and then i was like you know what i need to go revisit that

dm conversation and make sure like my side of the street is clean and i didn't say anything which i knew that i didn't and i was like i need to shift my perspective on this person she was like anxious and hurting and like i'm trying to be an understanding and so i go to look at it and it's gone she deleted it because she probably didn't want me having proof of her husband being a shit head damn that was my tangent that was a good tangent but it's like inside knowledge but also listeners need to hear that if you ever want to delete a conversation or pretend you didn't send a late night ambient dm then go ahead and then it didn't happen and now it's like your word against theirs so now no one is gonna i don't know the receipts i burned there's none

it's the only place so screenshot it it's yeah screenshot all messages but instagram is the only place that you can you can burn messages and be free and i'm pretty sure there's no way to recover deleted dms like when people are cheating no i mean like the fbi could well yeah like but like i thought of that the other day like even with text messages like i don't feel like your cloud it never clears no it's always going to be there which i feel like is why people are cheating on dm so often now yeah or like snapshot snapshot just deletes yeah gross sick um okay well my bad my bad week is basically just my bad mood right now um but in general no in general it's my bad mood but also i had a realization the other day that i you know like life just goes on and you

just get older and you think in your mind that you're so young and you have so much time but the other day i was like oh my god i thought that by this point in my life i would have like accomplished what i wanted to and would be like living back in atlanta like with my family yeah And, like, raise kids with my sister and, like, have this, like, weird life alternate universe that, like, I can't. I just realized the other day I was, like, I, like, set too many roots down in L.A. You guys being included in this. Sorry. But I was, like, I'm so sad.

Like, don't let life pass you by, guys. Damn. But it's so depressing. Like, my nephew's turning eight years old. And like when he was born, I was like sure that at some point I'd be like back back in his life every day. Yeah. And not that I want to live in Atlanta. Like I love my childhood and I love my family. But God, I hate Atlanta.

It's a bummer place to be. I mean, I've often thought, why the hell did I come? I came to L.A. for like six month trial and then I met Chris. It's like then I got roped into living here. Yeah. I could have been back in New York where people are cool. It's nobody wears makeup. No, but now I go to New York, and I'm, like, glad I was rescued from that. Yeah.

Because New York is tough. All right. When we come back, I'm taking you inside the lessons of Oprah. Now back to the Lady Gang. All right. We're back. So a few weekends ago, I went to the Oprah 2020 Vision Your Life in Focus. She invited me.

I mean, or her people did, which is, like, the story of my life. life. Not friends with anyone, but on the list. Jessica Alba. Jessica Alba. Oprah. Did you ever get Jessica Alba? I haven't got my honest yet. I'm waiting, Jess. Wow. That's so rude, baby. Definitely not VVIP. She's probably too busy making TikToks. Probably. She TikToks more than anyone. No, she's a great TikToker. She is. So today you have homework, girls. So basically what I've done is I thought it would be really fun. The tickets to Oprah are quite expensive. And I thought it'd be really cool to go through this test she put us all through um and then you have essentially this number at the end you title it all up and and what it is is it helps your current

this is how she describes it your journey begins by reflecting on where you are using your observations as a guide to where you will go this self-assessment gives you a number that indicates your current balance of mind body and spirit it also reveals reveals areas to focus on for greater wellness. Think of it as a springboard to a more balanced you. Now I did this test and I got a number 73 and the 73 is the second lowest you can possibly get on life balance. So, and I just want to tell you, so if you get 35 to 69, how she nicely says you're f***ed up is there's lots of opportunity for focus and balance. There's opportunity to fix your f***ing life. This is the most me of all time 70 to 104 you know what wellness can be aim for more of it that's worse

like you know you're self-aware it's like acknowledging it as the first step yeah like you've been at the first step your whole life my whole life it's like i know i should eat a vegetable but what i'm going to do is eat a snickers and a diet coke you know what i mean so 105 to 124 is with a few tweaks balance can be yours and here's what we're all aiming for 125 to 140 yours is a life of balance how might you want to further enhance your balance so it's a bunch of different things and i'm going to go through them while you guys enter them and we're going to talk about some of the questions as we go through if girls are driving you should skip to another episode and then pull this up when you can well i think it's an interesting thing for

people to think about yeah and i'll post i'll do screenshots of this we'll post it on the instagram are we saying our answers while you're going yeah i want to say it so we're going to start with emotions so respecting your feelings and those of others effectively managing your emotions and generally feeling positive about life so what you do is there's four categories not me sometimes me often that's me that's me okay so jack the first question is i recognize what's in my control and what isn't i put often that's me oh really yeah i mean i think i think i'm aware enough Okay, Becca? Same.

Okay. I manage stress in a healthy way without overeating, drinking, smoking, or other behaviors. See, I like to drink and go out and have fun, but I don't think I do it to manage my stress. No. I think I do it for a fun time. Yeah, there's a difference because a couple weeks ago when I was really stressed out, I started drinking, like, a lot of wine at night and I've never drank, like, just by myself, like, in a hot tub before.

And I was like, this is, like, I could really see myself, and I mean this with, like, love and respect, I could see this becoming, like, a crutch in my life. Yeah, absolutely. drink so much that i pass out every night because my anxiety is keeping me awake you know so that's why yours was a one yeah becca um mine was also an often that's me okay i take time to decompress i put not me at all i put that's me you often take time to decompress i take time to decompress see you're gonna score high yeah i'm not um i say sometimes me okay i cope with difficult feelings rather than avoid them i said sometimes i think this is something that i do well actually you do

you definitely do when like the other yesterday at work I was feeling a certain way about an assignment that someone else got over me and I like went right to my boss and I was like hey I just wanted to like get your thoughts on this and like why and like felt better about it you know yeah well I was thinking we're doing another thing that's kind of similar to this that we're having these very like thoughtful questions but I realize I'm not an assertive person so I don't think that I'm very good at that oh I like that yeah I try to be aware of how others I won't answer it's fine no oh yeah sorry i skipped you i'm gonna kill you today i cope with so i cope with difficult feelings i i think this is circumstantial it depends what my feelings are yeah you know what

i mean some of them i can easily face and some that i can't so oprah you this i think that's sometimes me well it depends too if it's like professional relationship like friendship because i am i'm also different and like different things yeah i think it's a sometimes then becca i guess sometimes but like it should be separated it should be like in there should be one of those in work yes and one of those in like really is there a relationship yeah like in work and like i can deal with them all day long yeah in relationships probably not still think about for sometimes sure i try to be aware of how others are feeling i put often i put sometimes but i don't even know i think i scored myself kind of high on that

That's high for you. That is high. Because I say I'm a sometimes, and I definitely think about it more than you do. So am I a one? Do I need to go down to a 72? Yeah. What are you, how far are you from that lowest tier? I'm three.

Okay. So we're going to evaluate your answers. Okay, so the next one is learning. Actively curious to learn, open to an intellectual challenge, regularly developing skills and knowledge that you share with others. I seek out activities that challenge my mind. Becca? Not me at all.

i don't do anything that i'm bad at oh i like that oh you stick to what i read books that are easy for me to understand i i barely do crossword puzzles as soon as they get hard i stop yeah i can't do a crossword puzzle or a sudoku i had a sudoku like time in my life that lasted about one week and i was like no no no no i only do it if i'm forced to so i certainly don't seek them out you know i had a three but i'm changing it back to sometimes because i think like what do you do well i think for like what are the challenging things you do jack well like when it comes to like learning like through like documentaries and like listening to like interesting podcasts just being entertained but yeah see that's why i'm like sometimes i don't

really know if i do or not yeah i think you're that doesn't challenge your mind listening to a podcast but like a very engaging pod not like a stupid like a pop culture podcast okay all right number the next one is i'm often curious to discover more about new topics things or people I put a one not at all I don't want anything new I don't want a new food group I don't want a new diet I don't want a new book I don't want new things and I do not want new people I want all the old things I've had forever I had a pair of sweatpants for like almost 18 years I just threw them out oh my god um I put see I changed my answer again now thinking about that I had that's me but I think I'm curious very selectively about selectively curious I'm selectively curious about

things that are in my comfort zone like smushy face dogs yes like what's the new dog I'm gonna follow on instagram okay becca you're the same uh i have a sometimes me okay i like to share my knowledge as a way of helping that's not um i put sometimes i say i say that's me yeah i feel like you are very helpful thank you the one positive trait in this entire quiz no but i'm sure you get people to call you all the time to be like i want to move to new york and be on broadway from the dance i don't help them with that oh too much competition here's the thing is i'm not helping strangers no but people like family friends and stuff and you'll be like you get the tickets you get the coat like you're often someone who when we see stuff on the facebook group you're the

first person that's like we should send them something we should do something like this is even though those are technically ish yeah but they've proven themselves yeah okay yeah thank you okay becca i mean jack which question were we on often curious to discover more oh i think Oh, you said that. No, I already said that. I like to share it sometimes. Okay. It is also dependent.

I value mistakes for what they can teach me. What did you have? I put four. That is really me. Yeah. I learn from my mistakes. And then I do them again like six times, and then finally we'll get rid of it. You are very good at learning from your mistakes.

Yeah. I put often. Oh, okay. Which one was this number? Four. Four. Sometimes. Me.

And then when I discover new information, I'm open to changing my mind. I am. You are, definitely. Yeah. Because I really am pretty fluid in my factual engagement in the world. Yeah, well, I just subscribed to the Sunday New York Times because I'm feeling like I have an algorithm on the internet that is not always telling me the truth. I've been sucked down a well of getting a certain kind of news, a certain kind of celebrity news, and whatever. It's called an echo chamber.

I'm living in an echo chamber of my own fabulousness. So it's important for me to see what other people are doing in the echo, outside the echo chamber. Outside the echo chamber. Okay. Work. Work, work, work. Performing work that aligns with your values and goals and deriving satisfaction and enrichment by contributing your gifts to something meaningful. Oh, this is all about Lady Gang.

I believe my work makes a meaningful contribution in the world. I put sometimes, but I think it was low. I think what we do really is good. Well, I put sometimes, too, and I agree with you. I think that us like three idiots talking about our stupid lives doesn't seem meaningful, but I think what it's kind of turned into has been more meaningful than what it started out as. So I put sometimes maybe it is low.

Yeah. I think that's low for us. Same sometimes. Okay. I care about the work I do and try to do it as well as I can. I put four. I put four too. Oops.

I have three things circled, so I think I changed my mind a lot of times. It depends on the work. That's true too. like there's there's very few things i care a lot about yeah but um acting i care a lot about the work i'm putting out in the world that's kind of the only thing i care that much about and you're very you care a lot about lady gang you do i mean i care but it's not really like work it's not like the integrity of the work you're putting out well because that's not it's that's not the whole brand of lady gang is to not being less perfect yeah right so it doesn't yeah we try to do but that's

why i didn't want to do a book because i care a lot about the work and i knew that i couldn't devote enough time to give it the care that i felt like i needed to and then you did and i didn't and it sucks no it does not work is about more than just money for me i put two but often but honestly i think probably not at all like if i didn't make money i don't think i would work would anyone yeah well some people like with passion projects like they would do i mean listen lady gang was a passion project for two years we didn't make any money yeah it's true but i think we all started it off thinking that one day we would we weren't just doing this just to do it right for nothing so i think that i think this wouldn't be what it is if we didn't

all align on that when i'm in my lowest moments i'm always like i'm moving to costa rica and i'm going to become a waiter at a tiki bar and i'm just gonna live on the fruit that grows on my land and like i'm like i don't need money you know what i mean yeah i always have like that fantasy like i'm getting out of here where's my hut and then you think about it for one more second you're like never but wait how will i get my laser hair removal okay the type of work i do lines up with my values ish i guess well if you think about what like you said what lady gang kind of stands for our work doesn't line up with our values a lot yeah because we really do i think practice what we practice what we preach your skin looks amazing it does work is an

opportunity for me to practice what i'm good at i said that's me i think it goes it's this that's dependent on the type of work because like my creative work i think yes yeah i don't know i don't like this nutrition it's too it's too vague okay nutrition all these quizzes are so vague i know i'm like but wait what about if this happened we got 28 minutes into the episode before you guys made fun of me this is a you know what we did it you really hang they hung on so long alan yeah they really did yeah yeah okay we're almost done nutrition i'm really excited about this okay i Make a concentrated effort to eat a balanced diet. Number one.

Not me at all. Do you make a concentrated effort? I do. Sometimes. Jack only eats sandwiches. You have the least balanced diet of any of us. Out of any of us Kelty Snickers, one Snickers a day. I think Kelty, the order would go you, then Jack, then me.

Yes. If I'm being completely honest. I do. I mean, balanced. I try to eat healthy. I don't know if I'm like trying to think of a food pyramid. But they've changed the food pyramid like nine times since we've learned it in L.A. the main tree school at the bottom and the bread at the bottom of my sandwich then yes yeah but

like remember when the bread was at the most at the top yeah you need those carbohydrates it held everything together it was like eat your pasta before ballet and i was like i sure will and now it's like gone i don't even think that bread's on the food what is it a circle now i don't know it's probably just like air okay i remember to stay hydrated not me at all jack has one of those new bottles you got i'm changing yeah mine's that's me as of right this second good girl becca are you hydrated no okay not at all i eat lots of fruits and vegetables i put not me at all i say often often oh my god you call me i avoid pre-packaged and takeout foods not me at all i love a pre-packaged food my favorite go-to food if i'm really on a binge is a brown sugar

Pop-Tart from the gas station. You literally eat like a child. It's insane. That's also not me because I don't ever cook. Mine's not pre-packaged but take-out, yes. All the take-out. I would say often that's me because the same shame that I feel when I buy a pack

of cigarettes is the same that I feel buying a Pop-Tart. Like a Top Ramen? Yeah. I'm like poison, poison, poison, poison but I need it. Poison but the guilt is the same. I eat moderately sized portions of food not me at all oh well you know i put that's me but i'm gonna i'm going back to often that's okay cool i'm gonna say sometimes because i like to like binge i'm not i'm not i

like to really shovel like one massive meal a day down my throat wait that's what i do so that no you don't that's what i do no binge i like won't eat anything till 5 p.m and then i'm like two pizza I've never seen Jack finish a meal no you don't eat a lot just in general so maybe my binge is not as much as a bench just called eating oh that okay yeah it's not a bin she's like oh my god look at this half a sandwich I'm really binging right now I'm gonna eat half of it like and a half bag of chips in there I have a lot wrong with me anything okay you don't movement I'm skipping movement so I'm gonna post this but no I need you to do it though because we got a title it up so i'm going to give you quiet time to do it you're getting quiet time but the questions

are for at home you can think about you want you opt to walk take the stairs you exercise two and a half hours or more per week you're open to new types of exercise jack you should definitely put sometimes me for that because remember when i made you go to a dance class i am open to new types of exercise that is not true yes it is jack yes it is when's the last time you exercised well i mean in general not now no now in the past since lady game began what types of exercise have you been open new ones yeah none i used to okay fine this is one bitch fine the new me drinks a lot of water though when i sit for hours i make sure i get up every 30 minutes never never my favorite thing is i love hours yeah you don't usually wake up in the morning feeling

rested never sometimes nope that's a sometimes okay um we're gonna skip over purpose too we're going to go to relationships but you guys have to fill them out so purpose i feel like i'm a part of something larger i know what matters to me i do things that line up with what i value i like i make life choices that are fulfilling and i look forward to each new day do you look forward to each new day jack yeah you do yeah okay no jesus i mean it depends what's on the schedule for the next day like today she was like oh today i was i get to see these bitches like i'm good i could groundhog this day it could be i mean these are kind of groundhoggy days yeah they are it's like let's sit across each other in the same formation we've been sitting

across from each other the same chairs okay we're gonna do relationships full out okay relationships maintaining a strong network of connections with family friends colleagues and effectively navigating conflict i'm comfortable in my relationships and community i'm gonna say sometimes i've had a weird patch with friendships in this age of my life yeah i don't know why i'm very curious i i have a like you're like doubting friendships i'm just the friendships that i have are becoming like more um circumstantial work work like i'm i don't i'm not enjoying them as much and i'm oh they're not because of work they're becoming they're feeling like they're feeling like work and like i'm also finding that and i know i'm doing this too but as people get

older it's like you get more rigid and then you get really set in your ways and then you i think sometimes you just become a worse person to be around and so a lot of my friendships like i'll be with my friends and i'm like god this is something that i didn't notice about them before and it's really bugging me yeah i see that i have a theory but that's just like life growing apart yeah everybody does that there's like the great purge of your 20s yeah and it's like all those party friends used to get bottle service with at the club you didn't do that i surely did i definitely wore a like a wife beater tank top with a bra strap showing up oh yeah with a neon pink a neon pink bra and a low slung bootleg jean with a possible kitten heel in new york yes dark gross

um anyway but we were so thin we were so thin so it was just like you're just paris hilton with which is, I'm still hungry, I better have some of those cranberry juice. And you eat, like, penne pasta at 4 a.m. every day and still be a stick figure. Yeah, it was amazing. So I think there's, like, the great purge of your 20s, and it's, like, after high school, after college age or whatever, and then you kind of stay, try to stay in touch with a few people, and then around 26, 27, you do a great purge of your life going into your 30s.

And then I think that in your 30s, you have another purge, exactly for the reason you've said, is that you stop going out socially as much except for those like once a year birthday, whatever. Like it's after the weddings, after sort of baby era. And it's like people really clock off into their little mini groups. So it like cuts down again. It's like Hunger Games. Yeah, well, and that's how you actually find out who you really want to spend time with

because it's not circumstantial anymore. It's not like you're just like, let's brunch. It's like, let's plan this two months in advance because everybody has something to do on every single night of the week. So it's like you really spend your time wisely. And this is why there's going to be three people at my funeral. You know, I think about it too. Not yours, but mine.

Well, because I've whittled down my friends. But also what's weird is that like all my other friends seem to think it's like odd. Like nobody's like acknowledging that this is just something that happens. Oh. Well, because you're great and you're in this super like famous podcast, people want to be your friend. I've really had to hacksaw people. They're sticky. They want to barnacle me.

And I was like, I do not want you anymore. Yeah. You got, you got to go, you know, I do not even allow the barnacles near me. Yeah. It's really hard. I have some friends in my life right now. And I think having my best friend Katie here for a couple of days, like really settled me because she's like, just known me my whole life, cares 0% who I am, what I do, where

I live, like whatever, anything's going on. She's like, what's a Fendi? Like doesn't know. Yeah. And then I kind of looked around at some other friendships I have. And I was like, wow, this, this friendship is so easy and comforting and wonderful. And this friendship is so much work. Yep.

And I was like, I'm not sure I have energy for this anymore. And I might have to take a pause. That's fine. Yeah. Um, okay. So great. So I put often that's me because I am comfortable in my relationships. Um, I spend time with people who bring out the best in me.

Rarely. Sometimes, sometimes me. That's not me. You don't wait. No, you did a four. Bring out the people. That's, that's. I spent time with people who bring out the best in you.

You're the opposite. Wrong. You only spend time with people who don't bring out the best in you? I mean, sometimes maybe. You guys certainly don't. Just kidding. No, but like. No, I get it.

The people who bring them. My friends in LA are not like the friends that I have. They're not the making your best people. No. No. No. Because everybody cares too much about themselves. That don't matter.

Yeah. That's how. I mean, I think I feel really, uh, fortunate because I have found like, there's only like three or four of them, but I have found my people that will be my lifelong friends in LA and that's so hard to find. But I think it's cause I found them so young and then it's like whittled everybody from 30 to three. Right.

But that's the only three people I like spend time with. But you know that comfort of like when you go home to Atlanta, you're sitting on the couch with your sister and you're just like, well, and all my friends in New York, when I'm in New York, it's like the best feeling ever. And then you, like, go home and then you come home to L.A. and you're like, oh, right. Like, everybody's still trying to get paparazzi. Yeah. It's weird.

It is weird. I don't take my frustrations out on other people. I said sometimes. I don't. I definitely do. I'm not ruled by the need to please. I said, wait, wait, I'm not ruled by the need to please. Oh, yeah, I'm not ruled by the need to please.

I'm not either. i weirdly am sometimes in like relationships and career it's really just strangers i don't need to please but everyone else i do that's interesting well it's like we talked about it before how like i'm very codependent with people yeah like i have a really hard time when fans come up and say hi cutting off the conversation because i feel like you want to just be this well i wanted to like take care of them and not make them feel awkward or like they shouldn't have come over and said something whereas like you two have good boundaries with that like they know when it's time to go yeah but i'm worried about hurting their feelings yeah yeah it's

actually one of the things that i actually really love about you i know that's crazy unexpected no it's because you'll be like before we do a live show you'll be like oh my god like i don't know and then you get out there you're so on you're such a little showman i can picture you at like six years old in your parents fireplace being like and then we go to the meet and greet and you're like you're like the martha stewart of like fans like you're so lovely to everyone and i'm like an asshole yeah it's interesting well it's like a flip it's not really like it doesn't come from like a good place though it just comes from like me not wanting them it's not your general like it's not in your deepest heart well no i actually know i will say it kind of is i actually not i

hate nothing more than seeing people get their feelings hurt yeah like unless it's warranted this is my favorite question on the entire test i avoid isolating myself i said not me at all not me at all i love to isolate i hate isolating myself that's why you're out 24 7 no but we talked about this before we started recording i want to be around people but i don't want to be involved with any of them i just like the energy of people around me um okay so total up make a total please hold on i have to fill out this purpose okay we're gonna give the answers when we come back you're listening to the lady gang um okay and we're back so we've done the oprah quiz from my 2020 vision life and focus workbook and to review i got a 73 we minused one

jack pointed out to a 72 which means you know what wellness can be aimed for more of it i think the issue with balance is that in these sections relationships purpose movement nutrition work learning emotions every day you cannot possibly balance all of this so it's like i think we should look at it yearly like was i balanced year to year because every day that's too much for one person i can't be not isolating myself eating my fruits and vegetables managing my stress being a you know exercising like it's just too much to do so let's get the girls um answers now jack we want to go first what oh no that's you i saw your number and i was like oh my god i thought We got the same.

No, I got 100, which puts me in the same category as you. Wow, 100. You know what wellness can be. You need to aim for more of it. I just, I feel like I'm a pretty balanced person. And the fact that there's so many more steps ahead of what I could be is really depressing. Think of how great you'll be when you're balanced. I don't think I care that much.

I don't think that you can get balanced unless you have a trust fund. It's true. I think about all the things I do in a day that aren't really making my life thrilling. well and it's all necessary evil yeah and it's all based on the fact that i'm scared to crash and burn financially great yeah exactly so basically oprah no wonder you're so balanced okay i thought this many times about her i know but like but here's the thing if she took this when she was like climbing up the ladder she wouldn't have been balanced either no totally because we're all just trying to make it happen right now i had a realization this is going to

basically scratch off everything that we just spent the last 45 minutes doing but um all of these celebrities are like getting very um introspective and improving themselves a lot and like the gwyneths of the world and the oprahs you're like oh my gosh it's so admirable to like want to improve yourself like this and open your mind and blah blah blah and i'm like no fucking shit because if you're at that point in your life where you have all the money that you could possibly need and you don't really need to work most people are going to better themselves i mean some people become drug addicts and some people people right it's like opposite well and then it's like it's it's kind of like a privilege thing too because it's like you have

you have the time and the energy and the money to spend and devote all this time to like yeah self-betterment where there are so many people like and we're lucky to even have that amount of time there's so many people that are fucking just trying to get through the day and i think about it i'm like do you have time to what do you take time to decompress i'm like i i guess i do but then i look at like my sister who's a partner in a law firm with no downtime and two children she can't even if she wanted to decompress she'd have to go to jail no i know well that's the thing it's like that's a privilege to have time to decompress that's the thing i just i know i think that we need to stop praising these people like the big celebrities in our lives who are like

becoming so evolved because it's like what else are you gonna do it's true oprah again thank you for the tickets becca what's your number she's not doing this is becca avoiding her number what's I said I have the same categories. You're the same? 84. Oh, you're the highest, though. The most balanced. No, I'm shit 100.

Oh. That's exactly how I thought it would be. Most, middle, least. Yeah. But we're still in the bottom? Yeah, whatever. Sorry, listeners, that you came in on a really bad day for me, but you got the real truth. You got the real backup.

Okay, and we will see you next Tuesday. Thanks for listening, and make sure to rate and review this podcast wherever you get your podcasts. We have new episodes of Lady Gang every Tuesday and Thursday. Follow us on social media at TheLadyGang. Follow us personally at Kelty, most importantly, at Becca, and at Jack Vanek. The Lady Gang Network is produced by Will Sterling, Steve Delamater, Kirsten Woodward, and Elizabeth Baquette. Thanks for rating and reviewing wherever you get your podcasts and tune in for new episodes every single week. If you loved listening to this episode, make sure you check out the other Lady Gang Network shows.

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