LadyGang - Victoria Garrick

Episode Date: February 8, 2022

In a full circle moment, former D1 athlete turned mental health advocate and podcaster, Victoria Garrick chats about how her life has changed since being Keltie’s intern. She now has millions of followers for her body loving TikTok’s and is reshaping how we talk to ourselves. Check out our amazing sponsors! Daily Harvest: Go to DailyHarvest.com/lady to get up to $40 off your first box!    Rothys: New customers get $20 off your first purchase at rothys.com/ladygang    European Wax Center: Book your reservation at WaxCenter.com - your first wax is free!   Chime: Get started at chime.com/lady - Sign up takes only two minutes and doesn’t affect your credit score!   Bev: Get 20% off your first purchase PLUS free shipping on all orders at DrinkBev.com/ladygang OR use code LADYGANG at checkoutSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Attention, attention, all the things you've been swooning after on theladygang.com, all of our clothing and beautiful merch, there's a huge warehouse sale happening right now. It's not going to last long, but go over to shop.theladygang.com and you're going to find some epic things like you can get a velvet dress for $39, you can get a hat for $10, the Swacket is $99. Head over there, there's so much greatness and you know what? You're welcome. Well, what is this? Welcome to the Lady Gang.

That's amazing. Say that again. The Lady Gang. Things are about to change around here. Each week, we catch up with Hollywood's hottest girl posse, Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to The Lady Gang. I'm Becca Tobin, here with Jack Vanek and Kelty Knight. Good day. Good day. Good day.

Guys, speaking of a good day, well, I don't know if it's good. Speaking of British accents, I just watched Spencer last night. oh how is it with kristen stewart kristen stewart she's never even heard of it it's about princess diana um she plays princess diana um i think it was a beautiful movie i think that it was really well done i just think that there's like if i if you were to read that script i'm pretty sure there's like 10 lines of dialogue in the entire thing so it's like a lot of like beautiful shots and being in like very tight close-up on her face while she's kind of like mid cracking you know it's like when she's like having this it takes place over three days when she has to go spend

her last christmas with like the royal family and you can tell she's literally just melting at the end of her rope um it was like a great watch for a leisurely evening zach would have never ever endured more than three minutes of it but he was out of town so it was lovely and her british accent was pretty good so that's what made me think of it was it art like an artsy movie like artistic um yeah it was definitely a lot like more art more artsy than like commercial i'd say interesting um it reminded me there were elements of like a black swan situation maybe it was the same was it the same director it's hard to do diana right now because there's just so much like the crown is so good that it's like oh my god how do you even

like compare to that and then they tried broadway did a diana musical it like closed in a show that was so strange yeah what's it like i am sad i am sad and then like do they go until her death i am dead i am dead seems very bizarre it's weird okay i guess the same director actually did jackie which it reminded me a lot of with them with natalie portman yeah like watching a woman have a nervous breakdown i guess yeah sometimes sometimes fun cool um well on that note it's time for an uplifting session of good week yes it is bad week oh no who would like to kick it off i am okay oh she has a ring oh beautiful okay so here's the story for my birthday my mom really got me i had a big cry about it so my mom is notoriously and i know she's listening

this podcast even though i told her not to a pretty terrible gift giver she always wants to get me something from like that store signals that it's like oh i got you a tea towel with your face on it or like you know and she's always like i don't know what to get you because you have everything i'm like just get me bath bombs you know but she loves to get like a garden gnome and chris is like a no garden gnome kind of guy you know so it's my 40th birthday and she wrote me this amazing card and she ended up sending me this jewelry box with four pieces of family heirloom jewelry oh and this is my favorite one and this was my great-grandmother's ring in Scotland. She was given it to my, my auntie, uh, on her birthday and now it is mine and it

fits perfectly. It's a beautiful, is it an amethyst or a purple sapphire? Yeah. Something like that. I have to like go and look. And then, um, there was three other ones and then they're, they're all from like the, her mom's side of the family. And I have some jewelry from my dad's side of the family but i put it on and it's like my just such a beautiful blue color and i feel like so excited that i have a family heirloom and i haven't really had an heirloom before so now i have an heirloom yay wow sheila crushed it did you ever end up buying yourself like a big ring for your birthday no because chris came home from dubai with a christmas birthday gift for me and got me that big emerald and now i have this so like i don't need another piece of jeweler in my

life ever i know look at you you know manifesting all this jewelry royalty wow um okay my bad week is very quick but i uh i'm sure everyone else has done this so i do not like spending money on stupid things so like i don't speed when i drive like i always pay the meter and like if i'm getting my hair done and like i know my meter's gonna run out i always make the way like people like oh whatever i'll just get a ticket no you are not getting my 60 for parking on earth no no no fucking way so i was really excited because i was going to this meeting and i went i parked my car i paid the meter i went in and i came out and i had a fucking parking ticket and i was like what the actual how did i get a parking ticket you guys i paid the wrong meter i like

walked out of the car and like went and stuck my card in someone else's white suvs slot and then you know you like you're looking at your phone and you're checking your lips and like whatever anyway i'm a fucking idiot okay how much was your ticket 60 bucks 65 dollars 62 dollars or whatever i'm like that's insane you know if you put that money in the stock market it could be 500 by the time well shoulda woulda coulda it's called life tax you know it is life tax you also that's like some good karma for paying somebody else that will come back to you at some point will it easy come easy go you know that's right just don't worry about it too much um i'll go next uh so my new thing well i basically have unfollowed like every single human being on instagram and

i've been filling it up with uh it's like seinfeld accounts and french bulldogs and my new thing to follow now are frogs so i've started following a lot of frog accounts and toads and stuff like that. They have hats on little cowboy hats, like bow ties. And I must have followed so many and they've become like such a part of my Instagram life that I've gotten multiple DMS from people being like, and I'll pull one up right now. Um, says Instagram suggested this account to me since I follow you and it's a toads account. Oh my God. Oh, so now you're influencing the people who follow you. Yeah. So now my account is closely related to frogs. So, and I'm really spreading the love to all of my followers which i'm like you know what this is on brand for me i think more

people could follow frogs and hats on instagram because it's a lot more delightful than you may think i like frogs in real life or just on instagram i don't think i've met these types of frogs they're very round like they almost look like they're filled with air which you know i love like a round animal frog is a bullfrog the one that's filled with air the bullfrogs i think are pretty round but these ones are specifically very round and they have actual butts they have like really cute little round butts on them so that's really i liked them walking around because they look like little fat men um okay i'm just gonna tell you that there was frogs in the slew by my house growing up and they're pretty disgusting i don't like that no no it has to be the specific

i don't know the round frog um so that's my good week that is the most jack vanek thing of all time she's like i just love frogs i've been following frogs but only a very specific type of contextual frog with this specific body and color maybe a frog with three legs pleasing and an aesthetically pleasing frog that's so funny okay so that's my good week my bad week is also related to instagram because i've realized that i really hate a close friends list on instagram and i've realized that through the fact that any close friends list that I am currently on so I'm like seeing their close friends story is one that I don't want to be on there's never been a story that I've seen that I'm like oh I'm really glad that I got this like really exclusive content from this person it's

always people that I'm like I don't even want to be your friend in the first place and now you're feeding me all this shit about like your kids that you don't want other people to see or like you working out or like it's all stuff that i don't want and i want to be off of their lists you can mute them oh my god i mean hello welcome to 2022 this has been an option for you for many years i completely forgot about me and becca you're the only person i've ever muted before remember yes by accident right no she unfollowed me no i muted you from seeing my stories no i blocked you you blocked you i forgot about muting i've never muted anybody wow this is really a revelation oh i've muted like half my whole life is muted oh yeah but i am like it's

also with people that i'm like why am i on your close friends list like we're not close how did i end up here that is weird remind me not to send you a picture of my dinner on the close friends list yeah please do remind her because i don't want to either um okay my good week is that i just went to uh on a girl's little getaway 24-hour getaway with four girls and we went to round top which is so jealous a big festival yeah it happens like a few times a year in texas it's basically where like all the big fancy designers come and buy their shit and then they turn around and sell it for like 10 times more um is it really much cheaper like sitting at round top or are they getting smart enough to be like, no, we could charge $5,000 for this credenza. There's a,

there's, um, it's all relative. Cause like there are some pricier vendors, but still like not to name names, but there's some fancy people that are major in designers in LA. They're still taking that like $5,000 coffee table and charging their clients like 15,000. So they're still marking it up so you can go and get like incredible stuff. And then there's the lower price end stuff where it is a deal yeah um so it's it's just cool and then the pieces are really cool so they have this thing happen a couple times a year and four of us went down and stayed at this little they have like it's like the smallest little town ever and they have shops everywhere you can get vintage cowboy boots you can get you know it's great meals so we went and stayed at this place it was really

cute. And I have never, I just have never had a girl's trip where like my stomach hurt from laughing so hard. My cheeks hurt from laughing so hard. It was like a much needed girl's trip. Like, don't get me wrong. I enjoy traveling with Zach, but it's not the same. It's definitely not the same. We're, you know, sitting around a bonfire. We're meeting the locals. We're just, you know, it was just a really fun time. So it was my good week. I love that for you. thank you we're gonna go back again when it happens next in march um my bad week is when i was in vancouver and we were we knew we were getting a new puppy i went shopping online for some cute chic dog bowls so i find this like bamboo dog bowl situation it's all really pretty

and i order it and it was during covid so i expected things to be take a long time to come and so i realized when i was doing my taxes this is like a year later that i never received the dog bowls that i got charged for on my credit card statement so i go to the website and non-existent it no longer exists i go to the email they sent me and then i emailed to like the info at it was like top love or something top love pets and those motherfuckers just took everyone's money and shut down their operation and i'm never gonna see that money again did you google it to see if there was any like complaints anywhere no it just not it ceases to exist oh that sucks so how's babs gonna have water i mean she has plenty now but it just makes me

think how many times i've missed stuff like that you have to be so careful i know it's so annoying i got i got ripped off what's coming up we're gonna feel so good about ourselves guys are we all right over here at the lady gang we love our sponsor bev bev is a female founded canned wine brand on a mission to transform the alcohol industry as we know it creating a voice for women where there has never really truly been one before and doing so in a kind and approachable way so they have six varietals in these adorable beautiful cans rosé sauv blanc pinot gris pinot noir and they're recently launched in my personal favorite sparkling rosé so their wines are dry crisp and a little fizzy super refreshing and delicious they are all zero sugar only three

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that I hate everyone, so it was actually shocking that I fell in love with her and decided to take her under my wing, be a mentor, tell her to get crazy in her life. Well, mentor, be proud, because in just a few years, my girl has made a super name for herself in the wellness and mental health world with her viral TikToks about the wild generation of body dysmorphia and fakeness of the world, but she's also been incredibly strong and thoughtful on growing up as a athlete disordered eating confidence she loved taylor swift she's getting married and if you got a holiday lady box in 2018 she definitely packed it for you please welcome the host of the real pod victoria garrick thank you i'm so excited it

is such a full circle moment my mom was all excited for me she's like oh my gosh she's like if only you knew this when you were working for kelty and the best part is like this is such a full circle moment for you. And that was only like two years ago. Like what you've done in the past couple of years is actually insane and so impressive. And we've never seen that honestly from anybody, especially that we've had like a personal connection with. Oh my gosh. Thank you so much. It is crazy. Let's see. 2015 I interned for Kelty. And then when I packed lady, let's be honest, you interned for entertainment tonight and I stole you for myself. You did. I was just, that was, that was the best thing that ever happened to me at an internship. And then when

I was packing boxes, I was grinding on social. Um, so that was the start. Yeah. Well, I didn't, so I, I didn't realize you had become a massive social star until I was on Instagram one day and Kristen Bell restoried something from your Instagram and it was like a quote or something. I'm sure you remember, but I was like, wait, Victoria Garrick. I, I know that girl. And I go to your page and I'm like, damn, get it. So wait, I know her. Did that make you blow up extra even more? Or how did that happen? It's so funny because I have gotten some shout outs from some pretty cool people as I'm sure you guys have as well. And it doesn't send the entire world to follow you. And I think that's, that's like the misconception people who like are trying to grow

platforms on social media they're like just give me a shout out I want to shout out I'm like I was mentioned by Kristen Bell my follower count if anything went down that day like no one comes and flocks to your page but yeah that was cool how did Kristen Bell see my stuff I had a viral video that she saw and then she followed me and ever since I overthink everything I post well I did I did see you post about that concept of her posting it and you're like it didn't do shit it. And that's like such an interesting thing. I think for like any content creator or like podcaster or like whatever, we see the same thing. Like we'll have an A-list celebrity on our podcast and it does nothing. So it is interesting that like, it's kind of a cool thing I think for you

too, because it's actually the content that you're creating and the things that you're putting out, which are making people follow you and not like a shout out from a celebrity. And I think that makes whatever you're doing like extra cool. Yeah. And so for the people that don't know you from, uh, my Instagram or your Instagram, you know, I think you have a really interesting story because looking at you, you're just so beautiful and perfect. Um, and I love that, you know, when you first came to, when we first met, you had just stepped away from your volleyball kind of career. So talk to me about that being a student athlete and then how you decided like, this is what I'm passionate about. So it is interesting because when we met Kelty, I feel

like that was the end of like this version of myself, um, that I was kind of shedding. And I worked at entertainment tonight because I wanted to be a broadcaster. Like I thought I want to be a beautiful girl on the sidelines. I want to be, it was very like superficial. I didn't care about football. I don't like to watch football, but I wanted to be Aaron Andrews and like seeing you guys um which obviously you do so much more than look beautiful on tv but my wanting for that was very surface level anyways i was just beginning my volleyball career at usc it's division one it's very intense and quickly i just kind of crumbled under the pressure and began dealing with anxiety um i was lifting like pretty much an olympic athlete gaining all this muscle i gained

like 30 ish pounds my freshman year. Um, and I just was really torn between, you know, this beauty standard of like, yeah, these reporters on TV, these Instagram models. And then when I walk into the weight room, like being told to lift tons of weight, get muscular, drink the protein shakes, and that really like expedited my body image issues. And then dealing with those two things sent me into a depressive episode. And then kind of coming around all of those things, I had this big reflection of like, what is important to me? Why am I so obsessed with making everyone think I have this wonderful life on social media, pretending I'm never anxious, pretending I'm not insecure. I was going hard on the face tune, like the waist, the cleavage, smoothing the skin.

I have this really embarrassing photo where like I pinched my body and on the volleyball court, the entire net and like coaches bench are like warped in the background. I don't know. I thought I was fooling with that. Um, and so yeah, kind of in my healing journey for like lack of a better term, I kind of rebelled and was like, I'm no longer using Photoshop. I'm no longer being fake. And I went really hard in the direction of like, this is what's really going on. And people were interested in that. People were like, what the heck is happening here? And they took interest and I continued to share. That's awesome. How brave to even like, I'm sitting there thinking about myself and it, and when you said the thing about, I just wanted to be the pretty girl on the

sidelines. I'm like, I still have moments as a 36 year old woman where I'm like, do I want this job because I want to be like considered a beautiful, talented actress? Or do I want this job? Cause I want this job to do the craft that I love to do. Like how amazing that you can get that real with yourself and not only get real with yourself, but like with the entire world watching. So you're a special breed. Oh my gosh. Thank you. It was definitely not easy, like going through all those things. And you know, to Kelty's intro, just to add color there, I had a binge eating disorder. And so what happened was like, I wanted so badly to be that thin, pretty girl that I was restricting I was dieting like every single diet I tried by the time I was like 18 I mean when I

was and you guys can probably relate to this because you're even like that half generation like right above me and then my mom's is like out of whack I was like drinking slim quick shakes when I was like 14 I was like a meal replacement um and so the stress and the anxiety like sent the bow and arrow in the complete opposite direction um and I kind of just had to get to a place where you realize if you're seeking validation from the world, you're never going to get it. I mean, it's always changing. I mean, I saw the Kardashians got rid of their BBLs. So now what's trending like a smaller, but I mean, it's, it's ridiculous. And then the trend's going to change again and we're never, ever, ever going to meet it ever. We could get

really close. Um, but yeah, I just kind of had that wake up call. What is a BBL? It's the Brazilian butt lift oh my god i was like okay it's like sucking all the fat out of your body and putting it into your butt well apparently they're not yeah they got their butts i think shrunk and so now they're saying like or whatever you don't want to have too big of a butt i mean i don't even know i mean it's it's insane i think they're just fucking with society being like look who how influential we are i know literally put a dick on their forehead and we'd see women with dicks on their forehead well i do want to say it is so again you're just so impressive to me because the fact that you're having this self-realization how old are you 20 24 24 you are 10 years younger

than me and you're having these like self-realizations and self-aware moments that like I am still trying to work on as like a 34 year old so I think that that is so it's so cool to look at because I look up to you even like just like follow you on social media everything that you're doing it's like I look up to you in so many different ways and I'm like I wish I knew that at 24 like I was struggling hardcore when I was 24 years old so like I think that that's such a cool thing and I hope maybe people in your generation are sort of having those realizations a little bit earlier than us because our generation in like our 30s right now it's like we're still like having the backlash from you know billboards and the Britney Spears of it all and like all of

that kind of the weight loss magazines and all that kind of stuff so it's just cool to see thanks And it's interesting that you said when you were my age, you were going through it because when I think about being here now, I genuinely believe it's because I like fell to the quote unquote trenches. I think if I went to a different college and I didn't play sports and I didn't get like pushed to the edge mentally and physically every day, would I have had a, like a breakthrough? Um, and so I almost think people have to go through the really, really ugly to like become self-aware reroute and then hopefully like learn from that.

Yeah. Well, I don't trust anyone who hasn't had their like that moment. So yours just happened earlier. Well, and that's what's so interesting is that I remember when I first met you and you were like, I just feel like I want to do this thing for athletes and the standard of perfection. And like you were, you really had a, a clear-ish, that's an oxymoron, but you know, I, you knew that you were put on this planet to be outspoken about this. Um, you didn't know how you were going to do it yet, but you, you had really talked

about it. And I remember thinking like, man, this girl, like she must be so nuts because she's so beautiful and she has no idea how special and perfect and wonderful and like gorgeous she is. And then it's very interesting because on this podcast over the past six years, we often hear this feedback of like, oh my God, you guys are so gorgeous. And you're like complaining about your lives or whatever. And I think this is an important point to make.

it's that like everyone's on their own internal journey about their own internal shit. And it doesn't matter how perfect it all looks on the outside. Even if you're perfect is then going to Facetune to Facetune, you're perfect. Or someone thinks you're perfect before the Facetune or whatever that is. I just feel like every single one of us has these like internal demons that we're fighting against and this conversation that's going in our head nonstop. And it's, it's a real beast. Um, and I think that it's nice to have someone like you to remind us that, you know what? I was just saying this to my friend the other day. I get so used to looking at my own face when I'm like shooting, like, Hey guys, I'm here with like my Instagram filters

that when I look at my real face in the mirror or a real picture of me, I don't, I'm like, wait, what? Why do I look so shitty? Well, it's because you've been using the Mariana Hewitt app on California app and your nose is skinnier and you're tan. I need everyone to stop using that app. Like I'm so wait, there's a separate app. No, not an app, like a filter. Oh, like it's a very well used. It's like the Paris filter on Instagram. It's funny you bring that up because I saw an influencer in real life recently. I met her and I was like, something doesn't look right. And then when I saw her posting, I realized it was because of the nose becomes like so thinned out and sharp in real life that in real life, she had this cute little

round button nose. I mean, it was nothing, nothing wrong with it. Um, but yeah, so I've seen that too. Something I will say though, to weird, like he thing that you get so used to looking at your like version of you there, it does no good. Like any of those filters, it's not doing an ounce of good for anybody that is using them. It's only doing harm to your own like self-worth and like what not realizing what like your face looks like. Definitely. And Kelty, what you mentioned earlier kind of alluded to write like thin privilege, pretty privilege, things that are very real. And, um, I thought about that a lot recently because I had another friend call me who just did a podcast on the beauty standard and she got all this hate and she was like,

why am I getting all this hate? And like, you're not getting all this hate. And something I've kind of analyzed a little bit is it's kind of the, the trend right now for everyone to be talking about insecurities and getting real. And like it almost, I think to an audience that knows that person's content or what they stand for, for like all the years they follow them to see them then come out. It's not that they like, don't believe that that person has struggles, but it's like, they think they're jumping on what's hot. Whereas I think the reason that I'm guessing people don't hate on me too much is my platform literally evolved from like the honesty about the mental health and the eating disorder and the body image. Um, but I will say having like the

education now, I really don't try to center myself too much in it. Like I even, I don't even do those before and after side by sides anymore because I'm almost so aware that my before that I used to think was something to be insecure about is something that's not even attainable for someone else. So it is so interesting because there is a whole group of women who look closer to me and then my content resonates but then there's a larger group of women who they don't even want to hear it so i think it's important to like you know listen to everything take everything in so that you know it's does that make sense it's a lot actually well that's exactly what i i stopped doing those for that exact reason i'm like but then it it's such an interesting conversation

because that then it's like well then my body dysmorphia is so fucked up that like i think that this is such a big difference, but it's obviously not. And it might be doing like a little bit more harm than it's doing good for a lot of people. So it's like, maybe it's just not my place to be doing that. But I think that it kind of does bring up a body dysmorphia conversation around that too. Cause it's like, I think that this one little dimple in my leg is like life ruining to me. But what I'm saying is that everyone's struggle is real for you. It is, but there's still but i think what victoria is saying is that there's still you need to still have an awareness to the fact that there's pretty privilege and there's thin privilege and that jack can hate

her body all she wants but at the end of the day there's a number on a scale that's telling her objectively that she's a thin person and it's so yeah even more so becca on that point it's like jack might feel insecure so might i so might anyone in on this podcast but we still can walk into any store and find clothes that fit us we still can put a seat belt on us on a plane like we don't have, we're not facing a general oppression from society because of the way we look. Yeah. The world is made for our body type. Having that awareness is all that I think people ask for. And I think that that's with anything that's hard in life. It's, you know, it's, it's, you can't compare yourself to other people. And also you can't sit here and say, just because

you're not one of those people who can't fit into an airplane seatbelt that you're not allowed or deserving to speak your truth. It's just having the awareness about it. And it's like, it's like the fertility conversations. It's like, it's not a contest. It's not who has it worse or who has it better. It's, we all have been through the trenches. We all know what it's like to be a woman. It's really hard. And some of us have had much harder and some have had like, you know what I mean? Me, relatively speaking, I've been through nothing, but that's not going to say that I'm going to stop talking about it because there's a reason you're talking about what you're talking about. It's helping other women. Right. It's interesting too, because even when you bring

up fertility, it makes me think that these days, and I wonder if you guys feel the same, you have to put on like every cap. Like it's almost like if a woman who posts with her baby will get hate, like, don't be so happy you're with your baby because we can't have the baby. Like, I feel like everything I post, if I have a really good day and I buy something nice, I'm like afraid to post it because it's not relatable. And how could you post about those shoes when like people can't afford them? I don't know. It's fascinating. Yeah. Well, Well, that's like such a terrible thing that like I think our culture has gotten into is like you really people really do struggle with like wanting you to meet their every expectation. If you're on a platform and you have a big following, it's like if you're not posting what they think is acceptable or if something that you post is not like the absolute perfect thing that they would post, it's like they're not they're not there to read your mind and give you exactly what you want in every single moment.

So you can't act out at them when you've had a shitty day and you couldn't pay your rent. And you see that Victoria just bought a new pair of shoes. That's not your cross to bear. Yeah. Sting. I want to just change the topic here for a second. Victoria, something that you talk about a lot is like intuitive eating. And I want to know what that is to you, how you practice it.

Because I think people are always interested in how other people have a relationship with food. Totally. how you say you're like this is how i eat not or like how i eat in a day rather than what i eat in a day i'm actually so excited to that you brought that up because i know you guys have this huge audience of women and i want to sing intuitive eating like from the mountaintops in case it could help help someone so basically intuitive eating is like a mindfulness framework and approach to eating that incorporates rational thought emotion satisfaction if we think of it this way. When we have to pee, what happens? Like we get this urge, we have to pee, we go to the

bathroom, we tingle. We don't say, Oh my God, I have to pee. But like it's 12 and like, I'm not supposed to be till one or Oh my God, Gwyneth Paltrow only pees like once every Friday. Like I can't pee. We don't get in our head about it. We just get the cue from our body and we do the thing. So eating at like our young, our most, you know, innate form is our intuition. We have a hunger cue we eat something we recognize how it feels in our body if we want to keep eating we want to stop eating all of this stuff is amazing it can be read in the intuitive eating book by elise rash and evelyn triple a but anyways that's kind of what saved not kind of that is what saved my relationship with food um was getting rid of the labels of this is good this is bad of society

telling you you have to eat like these six small meals a day no three big meals a day no stop at eight, no stop at seven, have like lime and water in the morning. It's everyone telling you what to eat. And we never even stop and say, am I actually hungry? And do I want an egg white? Like, and then if you ask yourself the question, you'd be surprised that you might want different things before I like put a period. And then you guys can come out and get the questions. I know some people think, oh my God, if I were to intuitively eat, I would just eat and I would never stop. I would eat all the cookies. I would eat all the cake. I would just, I would never stop eating. We think that because when we restrict or we view donuts as bad, when we eat the donuts, it's like, Oh,

I had a donut. Oh my God, I ruined my diet. It's a cheat day. I'm going to eat all the donuts right now because tomorrow those are off limits. It's like your body is in a, a mentality of get everything in because we know we're taking it away from ourselves tomorrow. It's almost like you're a child. And then the diet culture voice is like, you're bad. And it's putting you in a corner and you don't ever get to make the rules for yourself. So if you could have donuts whenever you wanted, yeah, sure. Maybe on day one of intuitive eating, you would eat the whole box. But if you allow yourself to keep eating for dinner and you can have donuts the next day, eventually, I promise you're going to say, I don't really want a donut right now.

And then you start to slowly be able to listen to your body. that was like the biggest um i think turning point when it come to like came to my eating habits and stuff um because my biggest thing was always restriction i was always on a diet i was always on a cleanse i was always doing something and that's when i would end up binge eating and it was exactly what you were saying where it's like i will not allow myself to go on like anything anymore like any sort of restriction with my food and it's just been such a game changer because it's like you stop thinking about food so much once you just allow yourself to have the things that you enjoy. Yeah. And oftentimes if we think back on like a binge, it stems from

not giving ourselves the thing that we want. Like if you come home from your day of work and all you want is that cupcake and you're like, no, I can't have that cupcake. So you say, okay, I'm going to have my, um, I'm going to have like some cashews and then I'm gonna have a rice cake and then I'm going to have like an apple. It's like you start eating all the little healthy things, quote unquote healthy right and then you keep eating you eventually binge and then the very last thing you eat is that cupcake and it's like i wonder what would have happened if you just had the cupcake right when you got home from work and maybe the binge would not have happened yeah so interesting i want to ask you what is one thing that you think our generation

the elders yeah like who's got really really wrong that you guys are fucking nailing oh my gosh i'm like i just have to pick one not that it's you guys's fault it was like society as a whole um we got i would say um i just feel like the first thing that comes to mind is like it is women it is feminism it is like the messaging around what it meant to be an ideal woman in society whether that meant like taking up no space being light as a feather always having a smile on like serving people being selfless was like the best compliment you could give like a woman I think the way that we are understanding like women and that we don't have to be all those things is super powerful and even like with wedding things Jack I was just talking to someone

about this and it's like for your wedding day if we track back a wedding it's like the bride is wearing white to symbolize her purity and like you've got to be as thin as you can be like i mean take up the least amount of i mean it's just fascinating how you can pull all these things back to like this really oppressed misogynistic version of a woman amen amen men when we come back victoria's gonna fix your life okay let's be real i think we can all probably up our fruit and veggie game. I know that I can because I was on a sugar, sugar, sugar rage over the holidays and I am just coming back. So this year I want to change that and that's why I'm keeping my freezer stocked with Daily Harvest. Daily Harvest is the easiest way to get more fruits and veggies into my day

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reducing food waste. Daily Harvest makes it easy to feel good about what I'm doing for myself and the planet. Go to dailyharvest.com slash lady. Get up to $40 off your first box. That's dailyharvest.com slash lady. Up to $40 off your first box, dailyharvest.com slash lady. Hey, this is Kelty Knight from Lady Gang, and Valentine's Day is all about love. And for European Wax Center, their love language is a beautiful wax. Whatever your plans get ready for Valentine's Day with smooth, beautiful skin and the confident state of mind that goes with it, you know what I'm talking about. There is no better feeling than when you walk out freshly waxed whether it's your arms or your toes or your underarms or your brazilian like you just feel

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you're probably going to have way better advice than we could ever dream i want to cut the shame though because we we grew up 90s with kate moss as the ideal woman and you're never allowed to ask for raise i do think that like you know your generation is fucking rad but you were you had people writing thoughtful articles in your magazines not like you know like well we've just been brainwashed for like 30 something years i think it's i think thank god that people are getting wiser earlier no it's not your guys's fault you wouldn't even be able to like way to grow up yeah you know anyway so jack it's okay you're okay i love you continue okay our first question comes from anonymous she says in the past year all of my closest friends have gotten

pregnant i'm happy for them but i can't help but feel like i'm mourning the loss of these friendships not only does this feel like the end of a girl of girls trips but i'm now going to be the only childless member of the group I'm dreading our group text turning into all baby talk do you think I'm overreacting or do I need to start searching for new friends have your friends started having like have you had the first one to get married right yeah no I am a thousand percent the first one to get married but I do have a close friend who is older than me and childless and like runs into this issue often when like it becomes a oh we all went to the park with our kids like we didn't invite you. We didn't think you'd want to come. And then you like slowly get ostracized

from the group. Yeah. Well, I think first of all, you can voice that and say to your friends, I love you so much. I'm just, and I'm so happy for you. I'm just scared that there's not going to be a place for me in your new exciting life. And the reality of it is, is that when people have babies for the first couple of years, they really don't have time for you and that's okay. And you can cultivate other relationships. But what I'm seeing right now is all of my friends have had children but all their children are about like four years and older at this point and they're having a resurgence of like wanting to get out and wanting to do stuff and wanting to go on trips so like it's actually wonderful if you give them a couple years and let them

hibernate without shame or guilt and pop over when they need to have a glass of wine and vent and then just wait for them because they're going to come around again and in the meantime find some other really fun friends that you can have more time with you got to have different friend groups for other things christina's daughter carmella just had her fourth birthday party and like i didn't even get a text to come to the birthday party why it was an encanto themed birthday party everyone was coming dressed like a character from encanto we were singing the songs i hadn't even seen the movie yet i went over to the house and it was like a god well i mean i saw it now because i got peer pressured into seeing it but at the time that i went to see carmella she started

singing all the songs in her little karaoke machine i was like i don't know what the you're talking about yeah and like i'm just the cool rich aunt and i know that i'm not the one that you call when you have the elephant birthday party and that's fine like everyone you have different friend groups for everything yeah and i also hate this thing that like people get so selfish in their friendships they're like i feel like my friend is leaving me or i feel like my friend has changed like i have you know that meme where it's like the girl that has one flower coming out of her brain and they're like, you've changed. And then she's like the next one, she's like all the flowers in her brain. They're like, I hope so. Like allow the people in your life to

grow and change, please. And I think having a good friendship, like they will be there still. Like, even if you're not texting every second of every day, because they're dealing with their kids, like this is how adult relationships grow over time. And when people start having their own lives and their own families, like they will still be your friend. If they're a good friend, Like they will be there if you need them. They will be there at the end of the day. So I think just like, exactly. Not everybody is like abandoning you.

Okay. Next question. I'm getting married in August and asked five friends to be my bridesmaids. One of them texted me a couple of weeks ago and said she didn't think she'd be able to come to my bachelorette party. Her explanation was because she had three other bachelorette parties and weddings to go to this year. Plus she's already got two other vacations planned.

I totally understand the bachelorette parties in being part of a wedding can be a huge time and financial commitment, but I'm bummed. Do you think I should give her an out to being my bridesmaid? If she's that busy, she might feel relieved if she has an out, but I'm also worried that she may get offended if I do give her that option. And I know, Victoria, you've been having, like, answering a lot of, like, wedding and bridesmaidy type of questions, so I'm sure you've gotten something sort of like this on Instagram. So wait, this person's question is, should I say you don't have to be in my wedding party if it's too stressful? Yeah, should I give her an out because she's kind of expressed that it's already too expensive to go to the bachelorette etc so

I think if you're gonna give someone the out it cannot be a test so you can't say it and secretly think if you say no like this is a test if you would be able to go to sleep at night and say I'm so glad now I have this really concentrated group of four girls and we're gonna do everything together and that'll still be my home girl like on another day that's awesome but if it's a test and I think get really clear with yourself about it don't because it's just going to get ugly and she has no idea it's a test and she might take the out and I think it might backfire it's a really mature I'm like yeah it is here's the thing about like when you're going into the season of your life where everyone's getting married it does tend to sort of happen within like this five-year

period and it is very expensive and everyone wants their bachelorette party if you're doing that type of thing to be fabulous. So it's like, you know, I don't know anyone, even me at this part of my life that can afford to go on five different trips to Cabo this year. Like it's just not possible. And so I think you have to get really clear with why you're asking these people to be in your bridal party if you're having a bridal party and what that means to you. And like, if it's, they need to be the super fan of your life and follow you around to six different events and showers and parties and like for, you know, then that's maybe not a good reason to have them in your bridal party, if they're the person that like, you've known that you want to be holding

your hand on your wedding day and looking you in the eye the morning that you wake up to get married, then that's like a bridal party. Do you know what I mean? And so you can have a ton of people like friends at the bachelorette party that aren't in the wedding party. And you can have people that aren't at the bachelorette party in your wedding party on your wedding day. Like, but it, none of it can be a test. And I think Victoria is absolutely right. i also think communication is huge like did she send you a text that said oh sorry i have three other bachelorettes and i won't be able to make it but like love you have so much fun or did she call you and say look i've been staring at my calendar i don't know how i'm gonna make this

work i'm so excited for you like can't wait to hear about it and she's gonna send you and your friends shots at the like i think there are different types of friends and the approach is huge as well I literally had a friend actually Becca and I had a friend who got married and like neither one of us were like I love to be in a frou-frou southern wedding party and like I straight out told her I was like I love you I want to wear black I want to come to your wedding as your friend like I don't really do bridal parties and she was like great and Becca and I sat together in our black dresses and we're like happy as clams you know like I I mean yeah it's communication just being honest okay yeah okay last question comes from sexy time she says my boyfriend and

i have been together for two years but over the course of covid our sex life has gone off a cliff we have sex once or twice a week but only if i initiate things that's a lot sometimes he will outright reject me this is a huge blow to my ego and even though he says he's still attracted to me he also said that seeing me struggle through depression through covid just made him feel like my caretaker more than a lover wow how can I get him to be more interested in a sexual relationship with me again I don't want to lose him wow loaded question I have one thing I want to say I'm just like cracking up over here because I never talk about this on my platform so I love the opportunity to do it here and it'd be like in on brand I can't like freaking scare away the father of young

athletes who follow me but I know I was like Kim do you want to talk about sex no I just have one thing to say that was game changing for me um uh this book eight dates is amazing i suggest everyone read it with their partner um who you like haven't married yet married people probably you got it down but it's called eight dates anyways the chapter on sex says couples who are okay rejecting sex with each other more in turn have more great sex because if you can feel like you can communicate and your partner can say i'm not in the mood i'm tired i'm this and you're like okay no worries Like you both are more inclined to initiate and communicate, but the couples who get really upset and there's a huge fight when someone isn't in the mood, it causes way more problems.

And so that was game changing for me to read from like psychologists. Cause then it made me stop getting upset. That's so true. We just had a conversation about this. Yeah. My fiance tries to initiate sex like 500 times a day and I deny him 499 times out of every 500, but we've have a very open communication. Cause I'm like, this doesn't mean that I'm not attracted to you, but I still want you to keep like initiating because it makes me feel good

about myself. So I think just that makes so much sense. Just like having an open communication about it and being okay. And he's, uh, he's the type of person then can, that can receive that and not take it personally. Like that's the important piece of it too, is like, I think men everywhere need to hear that because it's like the the like weird conversations that men get into it's kind of the same thing that women do where we're like oh i never want to my husband they're like oh my wife never wants to me there's this inevitable like baby resentment building even if it's founded on nothing so having that open communication that's so smart also going back to the whole like the way women are perceived this idea that and i know where the the upsetness

of the rejection comes from it's, but I should be so hot and so sexy that anytime I wanted, he should just want to do that with me. That doesn't exist. The Margot Robbie that we see in movies, the girl at the bar where the light is shining on her Minka Kelly. I mean, that doesn't exist. It's fake. It doesn't even exist for them. They get cheated on, they get divorced. Like, so this idea that we should always be like, that doesn't mean you've personally failed and you're not attractive. That's just like the norm. Yeah. It's a really interesting thing that bring up and this actually has happened to me uh this month or and like i guess the six months before i turned 40 is that i like really communicated with chris that i was really

feeling kind of fugly in my life like for no particular reason but i was like nothing's changing time is not even real we made it ourselves but um but i was like you know i just feel so there. And I said, I really need you to think I'm hot. And he was like, and he is like making all these passes at me and being like, you look like making a conscious effort to like hype me up. Like he's being a Jared essentially. He's like, you're hot. Like I want to like all this stuff. And, and I mean, during a time in our relationship, sorry, this is going nowhere, but in a time in our relationship, there was a time where he just stopped. Like I trained him to stop being that way because i was like i'll let you know when it's time you know what i mean

but i like really needed that and i know it's stupid but i kind of needed him to think i'm hot made me feel better about myself but it's all just comes down to communication because he listened right like yeah and i was like i would love to reject you today please try please let me be hot enough that you want to have sex with me oh you're gonna be okay i don't know guys um okay victoria first of all i'm so proud of you i really am um i oh i quickly want to mention taylor swift loving you i'm unwell can you tell do you think it was really taylor swift or do you think it was her russian bots i refuse to even entertain that thought miss swift was on her phone using her own thumbs um i do these videos where i explain taylor swift songs to my fiance max and taylor

herself happened to see one and she commented and i quote ha ha ha i cannot stop laughing i love you three cat emojis oh must be her she was using the cat emoji i know okay do you listen to the although i did not get invited to the like all too well performance in new york and i sure fire thought i would have made that list given the comment how rude so there's a podcast called the bitch sesh and Casey Wilson the actress is on it and they talk a lot about like housewives and whatever but the you know how she made the like 10 minute music videos so they refer to them as the short films and they their commentary on on Taylor Swift like it is so magical I don't think you'd enjoy it because you're such a stan but they were just like it they're like this is truly the

most embarrassing thing that anybody's ever done in music oh see i feel the opposite i did not and i was vocal about this i did not enjoy the reputation era i didn't want taylor swift in a bodysuit but i am fully back last night i went on a walk around my neighborhood and i was singing i bet you think about me when i feel like would have been your jam that whole thing is like i know i don't know why it wasn't my thing it's they're like talking about how they can't they can't believe that she still can't let these things go like she's a grown-ass woman that's and that's what it is they're like the 14 year olds that are like this is the worst thing that's ever happened to it and then how at the end of the jake gyllenhaal one how she's like and i bet

she's still like love me or something and they're like no he doesn't i cannot stand for this slander but we don't have enough time but what i'll quickly say is that she's just like reliving and expanding on an art form i don't think she has like personal feelings towards jason jonas a baby gift i feel nothing about our mutual ex-boyfriend but i will troll it till the end of my days because i think it's so funny kelty earlier today you said you're still a little salty about it so i am a little salty about it but like i'll be salty forever it doesn't mean that i wish my life was any different you need more more bad more bad things to happen in your life so that you're not like walking up the hills of of la like the one thing that's on your mind

is your ex-boyfriend and taylor swift is the only remedy i mean she is a fucking remedy okay she's really freaking amazing i do agree incredible please come on the lady gang and if you want to listen to victoria's podcast you can listen to real pod every wednesday wherever you get your podcast she's wonderful she and i i've almost done the trifecta jack's coming next but there's three lady gang episodes we will post those and you can follow victoria at victoria garrick on all her social medias and be added to her 1 million point 3 followers give a million and a half followers on tiktok so it's like different currency than ig you know tiktok's where it's at i just discovered it a week ago it's great exactly we're elder okay we love you guys

thanks for listening the lady gang is produced by alex ingber steve delameter and jared monaco make sure you subscribe rate and review our podcast and if you love it share it with your friends on social media like oh my god i just listened lady gang this episode's a great swipe up to listen and if you really want to which we know you do please follow us on social at kelty at becca at jack vanek and at the lady gang sign up for our newsletter at the lady gang.com and join our secret facebook group it's super fun see you next tuesday i'm martin cove you know me as sensei john crease from cobra kai and the karate kid trilogy as well as rambo and six years on cagney and lacey i'm hosting a new podcast kicking it with the coves

with my kids rachel and jesse cove we're digging into the characters roles and unforgettable scenes that have made an impact on all of us. We'll be joined by actors, producers, writers, and other members of the incredible teams who've helped create the programs we all love to watch. We'll dive into character development, behind the scenes, antics, personal stories, and so much more. And the impact it's all had on the lives of our guests,

their families, and the fans. So, listen to and follow TV with the Codes now at Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and Podcast One. Do you have a problem with that? No sensei! I mean, Dad.