LadyGang - Yesika Salgado

Episode Date: January 2, 2018

The Ladies get to know Yesika Salgado--an internet catfished-turned-poet--who talks about growing up Salvadoran and learning to be role model for body positivity, as well as her new book "Corazón" available now. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey guys, it's your lady gang, Jack Vanek, Kelty Knight, and Becca Tobin. Thank you so much for subscribing on iTunes, and thanks for supporting the great sponsors who make it possible for us to have this much fun with you every single week for free. Hey Ontario, come on down to BetMGM Casino and see what our newest exclusive, The Price is Right Fortune Pick, has to offer. Don't miss out. Play exciting casino games based on the iconic game show, only at BetMGM. Check out how we've reimagined three of the show's iconic games,

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Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact ConnexOntario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGamingOntario. Well, what is this? Welcome to the Lady Gang. That's amazing. Say that again. The Lady Gang. Things are about to change around here.

Each week, we catch up with Hollywood's hottest girl posse, Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanek. Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to the Lady Gang. I'm Becca Tobin. Across from me is Kelty Knight. To my right is Jack Vanek. Isn't it funny that I talk about our formation? Just in case anybody wants to know. Also, I love that you're wearing a Beyonce bodysuit right now. Me and Jack are in sweatshirts, and you're wearing a low-cut, like your boob is out. Wait, this is part of my Go Be Back week, so maybe we should just go into it.

Just jump into it. what it's time for good week yes it is bad week oh no all right since you pointed out my beyonce bodysuit kelty here's my good week honestly i didn't think your boobs were that big until i saw this bodysuit even i mean they don't look that bad okay i was gonna say this is like i'm very flat chested um i okay so i'm in a bodysuit i usually talk about my trials and tribulations as a failing actress you know it's my thing my favorite thing to do um and i just came from an audition like raced over here and i have to say sometimes like one out of every 500 auditions you're like in a room and somebody is super complimentary to you and that just happened

like who like somebody else's auditioning like a casting director oh yeah um i mean i won't tell any details because when i don't get the job it's going to be really sad and the facebook group is just going to be in upheaval yeah exactly um but i just yeah it was just really nice to like do your job and have like somebody acknowledge that it was okay so what do they say like how do you know the difference between like good job and like wow that was a good yeah well and also do do people not say compliments if they don't mean them like if you get a compliment there's not a fake compliment yeah no i mean they're they don't have time for that they see so many girls they can't like give us all back rubs that's why we're all so suicidal and hate ourselves yeah so like

when they actually say something it's like every time i've ever gotten a compliment it's been like a oh that was really great like it's like a shock right so either that means they've seen garbage all day and i'm like decent or it was they expected me to really suck either way either way if they're impressed they're impressed who cares why yeah so that was my good week what was the compliment so it was like oh my god that was really great like you hit every beat like you gave me like everything i wanted like about your audition what did you think it was i thought it your appearance yeah well because you're talking about your bodysuit oh no i'm just i wouldn't normally be at the podcast in a bodysuit if i hadn't come straight from an audition i'm proud

of you thank you you do look like exceptionally hot i hope it was a hot girl role oh my god it was a hot girl role oh yes oh my god thanks okay um here's my bad week so um i have so many problems with my face you know remember hold on i'm gonna get out the tiniest world's tiniest violin and play you a sad song about your horrid face where is this gonna even okay i had so ugly jack don't even remember my staph infection oh yeah yeah it's gone i have staph infections i get all these crazy styes in my eye like cold sores i'm a disaster and i recently broke out in a crazy hive situation all over my face and now i don't know why so now i have to like eliminate I ate all foods from my diet, which I was already kind of doing.

So now I'm just like limited to like herbs and spices. When I used to be vegan, gluten-free, like all that shit, I said I ate air and sadness. So that's your new diet. That's what I'm doing. But when is it going to be time that I wake up in the morning and look in the mirror and not have something wrong with my face? Probably never because we're getting older and shit just keeps happening. But it's like freak things that happen to me.

Hives. Who gets hives? Like these crazy bumps all over my face. I hope we have some dermatologists in the Facebook group because I'm really, mine's sick of hearing from me i mean i get hives sometimes i think every time i wake up and i look in the mirror i'm like oh this is my face like it's always puffy it's such a good face i we don't see our own faces i know i know i really wish i knew what my face looked like i will say that um our makeup artist that we use christina she was doing my makeup the other day and she

was like kelty has like poreless skin it's crazy how good you really do unicorn blood all right who's next i'll go jack's next um my good week like wasn't that great so my good great wake no i mean it's a new segment the good week is sad it's not sad but sad good week is i found a new app on my phone and i'm obsessed with it and it's called hq have you guys heard of it no it's a trivia app and it's they do live trivia every day from at noon and at six and like it'll send you a notification and you go on the app and then they have this like person live in new york city this is sad and they have 10 trivia questions but you can win real money they have like thousands of dollars for prizes that's called betting online jack i know it's fun but how many people are

playing like 80 000 and if you win less than our listeners booyah it is have fun with your you're with your 80 000 people on your trivia whatever the lady gang if you win you have to split the money so if they have like a two thousand dollar prize and then four thousand people win you get 50 cents this is like this is the honestly we will be friends with you outside the pie now this is just ask us you don't have to be alone doing trivia okay download it and play it once and then let me know if you get sucked in you're the person who runs home to play to watch jeopardy like i really am not though i'm not this is what it is it's the new version of that sit in corner at bungalow by yourself and do trivia i well i will i will yeah yeah okay i'm not even

that good at trivia i just like it because it's a game you love a game i love a game love a game but you don't like the games we play on the lady gang so yes i do i just think that you could do them better oh maybe spicy past the salt good use thank you thank you okay so what was that yours that was my good week i couldn't think of another one um hq hey is that what it's called yeah it's funny headquarters i don't i don't know okay okay my bad week there is nothing creepier to me than a grown adult that's obsessed with disneyland that doesn't have kids are you agreeing or disagreeing i'm sad because i feel the same way i don't want to feel that way no but you went with your you went with yeah no i i

couldn't do it without kids no it's weird i cried watching the fireworks at disney world like two weeks ago like in my balcony by myself like it was so magical and the castle was there and it was all lit up yeah but you were there for work too like you're not going to your emotions because you were there for work and it was so special and you're like really exhausted and overwhelmed no i just was like it's really the so happy here it is really happy it's just for children creepy happy yeah so okay i like it um especially men like a grown man that's obsessed with disneyland that goes to disneyland by himself like i went with my ex's kids and it was great because there was a seven and a nine year old and it was magical for them whatever so anyways there was this guy

that i was hooking up with when i was like 20 and he was like a dumb promoter like idiot hollywood guy and we like finished hooking up and he like hated me not like finished hooking up physically We were, like, done with that happening. Like, we're in its course. He hated me, and then he would just comment on my pictures that I was fat, so I blocked him. So, like, he's basically, like, non-existent to me, right? But why did he do such hateful things?

What'd you do to him? Because he was a moron. He was just, like, an idiot. Like, hey, you're fat, Jack? Yeah, he'd be like, I see that pooch happening on your stomach, or bullshit like that. Who is this person? I'll show you him later. But anyways, so, come to find out.

He loves Disneyland. last week not only does he love disneyland i'm not going to say his exact instagram name but his instagram name is something like disneyland enthusiast and every single picture is him at disneyland by himself like every picture there's a picture of him and pluto hanging out with the boys and then there's a picture of him and minnie with the caption don't tell mickey like oh wait That takes it to a new level. He's never with another human being. He's not with kids.

Maybe you should ask him if you want to hang out again and do trivia. For Halloween, he dressed up as Prince Charming and went to Disneyland. I'm freaked out. By himself. He has kids skinned in his basement. I know. I'm like, he's going to Disneyland to snag his next victim. But I just don't...

like john stamos is a disney enthusiast yeah he's a disney enthusiast yeah but he even spent i heard like he has one of the letters from the original that's the thing the original oh my god elena knows this guy we're talking about oh my god oh my god his face of profile is him dressed as prince charming is it john stamos no it's not i'll show him later anyways it's just it and now because i don't follow him one of my good friends every day texts me a picture of his latest instagram picture of him at disneyland again every day that's weird it's made my wish upon a star i'm looking we're looking at it my god but he's hot he's hot i understand why you're making i don't think that costume prince charming and he's

standing in front of the castle yeah no it's a whole thing i'm so alarmed i'm just petrified really yeah okay well next kelty good week you're wearing a harry styles t-shirt again i've seen this three times so my only t-shirt at work okay got it i wear it's my another okay the only t-shirt i bring to work you need a jack vanek t-shirt i have a lot of jack vanek t-shirts in my closet i just haven't brought them into my rotation and they do my laundry here so it just keeps getting washed every week and i keep wearing it every week on the one week i don't wear workout clothes or a bodycon dress which is every day um okay good week chris knight got peer pressured into taking pictures with me on the red carpet oh my god officially for the first time ever

so we went to an event by you no i would never ask him to do such a thing i understand yes she said no you need to it's good for her image and then he came out and he wasn't even prepped If I knew he was going to do them, I would have put bronzer on them, a little powder. No. He's so cute. Anyway, he came out and he did it just for me. And it's very cute. And I was really secretly happy inside.

Because the photographer was like, get your husband, get your husband. And I was like, I'm so famous. You want pictures of me as a couple? And then I was like, oh, no, he doesn't do pictures. And then all of a sudden he was like, I'll come out. I'm like, oh, my gosh. It was really nice. That's cute.

Bad week. I'm at Home Depot. oh geez okay okay and mr knight and i were picking up some things for fixer upper la my instagram story which i love i love and we've got plants we've got shears we got all this stuff i walk by the shovel aisle we're gonna plant three plants three new trees if you will and i was like we should get the shovel it's 14.99 you guys 14.99 and he's like kelty we don't have to have everything thing and i was like well what am i going to dig the hole with and he has we have a shovel but you know we have like a mini like hand potted plant shovel so i did the thing the wife thing i said

i'm going to accept your veto i'm not happy about it but i'm going to accept it so we go home and about four minutes into me digging a giant hole with a tiny little six inch shovel i was like wish i would have that shovel i had to borrow one from the neighbors oh and i looked at him and i was right and mostly i had to dig with that tiny shovel three plants worth and it was horrible this is really like i like his style to veto like a purchase like that well yeah because look you you borrowed you borrowed a shovel and you didn't really need it yeah you're not gonna need it again do not take chris knight bought a 39.99 branch clipper where you throw it over the branches and then you scissor cut it and all the big tall like extender that sounds like that makes sense

Do you know why? Because he's going to use it again. Because you don't have to hire someone to do that for you. Because hiring someone to trim your trees could be a couple hundred dollars. I'm out. Bye. Have fun with our guest today. I understand you.

I was so supportive of your bodysuit. I was so supportive of your bodysuit and your trivia. No, it's good. No, you weren't. It's good. He had to check you. You're right. I wasn't.

Okay. Well, anyway. Does he still listen every week? Yes, he does. Hi, Chris. Oh, hi, Chris. Congrats on your debut on the red carpet. Yeah.

All right. You want to know what's coming up? There's a woman who successfully catfished men, and we're going to talk to her. Hell yeah. Okay, what's going on? Now, here's the lady gang. Okay, our guest today is an internationally recognized body positivity activist. She shared her work in venues and campuses throughout the country.

In the last four years, she's self-published zines and poetry titled The Luna Poems, Woes, and Sentimental Boss Bitch. She has a brand-new book, Corazon, full of beautiful poetry, and we're going to get more into that. She's the 2017 National Poetry Slam finalist, and her work has been featured in Latina Magazine, Univision, Vibe Magazine, Huffington Post, BuzzFeed, TEDx, and many other digital platforms. Actually, that's more than Lady Gang, if you're counting. More importantly, when I watched her TED Talk, I fell in love with these catfishing stories, and I had to meet the woman who had successfully catfished men. Please welcome to the Lady Gang, Jessica Sagato. how was my it was really good right it's not gonna come out of me that way for your first like real try it was really good you have a beautiful accent thank you and what's your

background heritage so my parents are from a salvador which is central america and but i was born and raised in la so i have a lot of a mixture of a salvadorian and mexican accent because it's kind of what you get in la yeah but yeah okay it's great now this is very your whole world so how did you get started in this because your whole vibe and world and what you've created you're very self-creative you're like a mini jack vanek you've like really like just done your own thing so how did this all begin um i've been writing poetry my whole life since i was a child my dad was really big into books he wouldn't let us watch much tv so the television would get turned off and he wouldn't monitor what we read so i was reading maya angelou when i was

like 10 years old so it's like very like heavy work but um that's always what i gravitated to and i always knew i was going to be a writer when i was a child i didn't know how or what that was going to look like but i pretty much didn't leave myself any options to do anything else wow and that's all i've ever done just written poems about boys i love this this part of your speaking and you said um that you were a woman who pretended to be other women on the internet to feel loved whoa yeah I mean we all do really really crazy things for love oh yeah for the sake of being loved and for me I thought that because of who I was like a fat woman um a fat woman of of you know that didn't see many fat women of color on

tv you know and so I thought that I wasn't like I wasn't deserving of being seen and being loved So I started first catfishing on party lines before the internet. So it was where you would call in and pretend, you know, like, I'm 33 years old. So this was, like, before the internet was in everybody's home. So I started doing that, and I didn't know what I was doing. I just knew that I wasn't telling people what I looked like. What do you mean? So you were the person they called?

Yeah, I would call and I would talk, and I've always had, like, a good speaking voice. So I would just pretend to be whoever I imagined to be in my head. Would the party lines, like, match you up with just, like, one person? Or is it when you had, like, a couple people on the line? It depended. There were the chat rooms where you could go and it was a bunch of people in the room. Or you could go to the one-on-ones and, like, men randomly match with, like, boys and talk to them. So I was really good at telling boys what they wanted to hear.

And then I found the Internet. Aren't we all sisters? I mean, you don't have to say much. And then I found the Internet. And on the Internet, I started catfishing, which is when you use somebody else's pictures and you take on a whole other life. And I really, I don't do anything halfway, so I really went for it. Like I had a husband or I was divorced or something and I had kids. I dropped out of high school.

So I used to tell people I had a degree. Like I just made up this whole life that I thought I was supposed to be having. Yeah. And through that, I actually like would really develop relationships with people and that were long distance. And it was exhausting because it was all based on lies. And so my TED Talk is about like the last relationship I was in when I finally confessed to the guy like, hey, I'm not who you think I am. And he asked me the question, why didn't you let me choose? Yeah.

And then I realized that I wasn't even giving myself that option. I wasn't even letting myself choose myself. And then I went to therapy. How long was that relationship? It was months. It was. But we're still friends. Oh, that's good.

Yeah. We're still good friends on all the social media and everything. We made it through the awkwardness of some guys that have catfished that won't have anything to do with me. Yeah. Understandably. but for the most part um the people that knew me then and know me now like are really proud of like all the work i've done and have seen how far i've come as a person and so yeah so it's been interesting had you admitted who you really were to every single person that you were catfishing

um yes it took me a long time but eventually like i started telling him like hey guess what so i'm this person um before i used to be really frumpy like i wouldn't wear makeup my hair was always pulled back i would wear really big baggy things and so i think the more like feminine i became the more comfortable and unapologetic i've become so i'm like look either you get with the program or you get left behind yeah and um some most of the men that i was involved involved with we've remained friends but i've noticed how the friendship changes when they found me desirable as opposed to who i am now well you're so desirable yeah but to them to them right so where do you get the pictures yeah who are you using was it the same girl for the whole thing

it was the same girl for the whole thing and it was someone i went to high school with oh so you knew her i knew her it was someone you had all the photos did you get permission or did she just no i didn't have permission when it was happening but when i was doing the whole i was doing like almost like the 12 step thing you know like the i'm gonna clean my slate with everybody so i sat her down and i was like look i've been using your pictures for x amount of years and she never knew before no but she's really like she's totally down for me and she's like you know have you been using it now and i go no she's like well you're fine like we're good so do you have to like save some photos so that you can like constantly like live like you gotta

like i felt like oh went to disney this weekend or whatever right yeah i felt like i had all these pictures of my friend on my phone and like none of when so when i told this guy his name is dominic when I told Dominic the truth he asked for a picture of myself and I freaked out and I was going through my phone and there were no pictures of me on my phone it was all either pictures of my friend who I was

using her pictures as or pictures of people like my friends that I would take pictures of them or the kids in my family and nothing of me and so my phone you would have never been able to tell whose phone it was by picking up my phone you would have thought it belonged to this girl

Wow. You know, what happens if it gets like sexual? Oh, it used to get sexual. What did you do? Wait, did you talk to these people on the phone too?

Yes. But then you make, it was when I would have to make up all the excuses of like, he'd be like, send you a picture and you'd be like, I don't know how people do that now. Now it's impossible. Yeah.

Especially with like FaceTime. Cause they could just FaceTime you in a second. Cause when I was doing it, not all the phones had a forward facing camera. Right. So I would say, Oh, I have an old phone.

I haven't upgraded my phone. Right. So that lasted for a minute. Yeah. for that long or i would say oh the camera is broken on my phone which is believable when your phone only has one camera right um or like my my laptop doesn't have a webcam because back then they didn't yeah to buy it separately yeah and now i don't know how that would even be possible and then like i would always have to be careful where my phone number wouldn't link with other

things oh like facebook yeah because then they could find you on it was like having to live this hyper aware life of like not leaving any trace well and like with the google image search so you can like reverse search oh yeah pull up things on facebook and stuff yeah that was before my time now that would terrify me so okay you spend so much time doing that like i guess now you since then you've spent that time learning to love yourself i hope yes wow what happens when you learn to love yourself that was one of the things you posted on your site yeah that was the whole what my whole TED talk is based on like what happens after you love yourself and it's because I feel that a lot of us feel that self-love is this trick and then that's it and then we're in

this pink world where nothing ever goes wrong and you never have your bad days and so the talk is based off of a poem called on the bad days and it was just a day that I didn't feel attractive and my girls were going to go out and I didn't want to go out. And I stayed home crying and feeling like I was a fraud. Like I talk so much about body positivity and I do all these things and I have this huge platform, but I can't even get out of bed today. And so I had to take a step back and be like, I'm allowed to have these moments. We all are, you know, we could be on a period and bloated or we could have broken out for whatever reason or, or whatever. And it could just be that one day or or it could just be that like the world gets to you we get fed so many

things through media and and not seeing ourselves represented um all the time you know and and not seeing our stories play out you it just gets in your head after a while so my trick for those days is take a picture on the good days so you can find it on the bad days so on the days that i if i i feel beautiful and like if i got my mate and my face done for a photo shoot or something i take all the selfies or whatever and I'll have them stored in my phone so that I could use those when I want to feel beautiful instead of somebody else's pictures and it's still me you know and and I could be like I could look like that if I want to I'm just taking an off day yeah I like that I love that so much um why does it matter to us so much what strangers think about

us I think we're I think as women we're told that it matters yeah you know if you're not desirable you're not going to get married and then you're not going to be anybody you know like most of our moms grew up in the time before this empowered millennial woman you know and yeah and so we had to be tied to a man even if we were successful you have to be a mom and successful yeah and I think we're told that if we're not desired if we are not found a certain thing by the world we're not um doing what we're supposed to be doing as women and I think that that when you have that in your head it can be like a like this hunger that consumes you you know like seeking validation constantly and constantly and like knocking on all the doors like do you do you like me

because even after I stopped catfishing I went through like a phase like a boy crazy phase where I was on tenure meeting all the boys yeah all of them because but it was still that same like I had to calm down because I was like it's still that same hunger for like do you want me do you want validation yeah there's that whole thing of like you gotta love yourself it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks but like I am constantly consumed by everyone else's opinion like i i don't know is there anyone out there that has successfully blocked the world out i doubt it no and that's i like that what you're saying because you're very honest and like real about it where it's like yeah you're gonna you know care what people think and yeah you're gonna

have bad days but it's like you just have to push through it because that's just being human yeah you go through phases too i think the more confident you feel the less you give a shit about what other people think but then if you're feeling insecure or vulnerable you know you're kind of a sponge to everybody else's opinions and energy and it's really hard like maintaining the strength within yourself and it is amazing that you did an entire ted talk about it being okay to lose that for a little while for a day or whatever yeah because it's gonna happen especially like especially nowadays where everything's images all the time and everything's like if you don't post a selfie like what are you doing yeah or or whatever and like you feel like

you can't turn off the machine right yeah yeah and um my thing is i'm really big on being like it's okay if you feel you can't love yourself right now that's fine it's gonna come like i have a saying this is like be patient with yourself as you are with others and because we're always so quick to tell our girlfriends like no you're so beautiful and it's okay like you know all these affirmations and things like that but we don't do them to ourselves so I always try to tell myself I'm having a really crappy day what would I tell my best friend if she came to me

I have curly hair so my hair won't curl right I have a whole meltdown and I don't want to go anywhere but my earrings are really cute my nails look great and so it's tricks it's kind of like you have to trick yourself

into having a good day and then you're having a good day I just had a realization that there are all these people on social media who are now like really awesome and promoting the self-love and talking about how like good they feel in their skin and all this positive positive positive positive and that's amazing but it also sets in like it's unrealistic yeah and so then you beat yourself up because you're like why can't i love myself like that person does and so it's this really crazy thing where we're just not being real in general positive like positive or negative

Yeah. No. Yeah. And that's like what I was saying earlier, because it's like that is I feel like people resonate with your message so much more than any where it's like, you know, somebody else being like, yeah, I just love your body. Like I do all the time, even though I have all these flaws. It's like, no, you don't because nobody does because we all have bad days like that. And I think that is awesome because that's the truth. Like, I'm a plus-size girl. I go to stores sometimes, and I don't find things I want. And I know that when I'm going to go to the mall, I'm probably going to have, like, a meltdown moment, you know? And so I got to, like, be like, all right, I'm going to be prepared. When I go to the mall, I know that at some point I'm going to, like, freak out. So then I'm going to go to Sephora afterwards. We're like, there's no sizes in Sephora, you know?

And I could buy whatever lipstick. Get yourself a pair of shoes. Yeah, or get some shoes or whatever. and like it's just kind of like learning learning like what triggers you and just kind of sometimes being a step ahead of yourself yeah talk to me talk to us about the book which by the way this is one of the most beautiful books i have ever seen it really is gorgeous i can't even imagine how many people like you people need to buy this as gifts too also just buy it to instagram it just for the cover the cover is amazing so the artist cassidy tier um she i told her what i wanted for

the cover and she didn't listen to anything i said yeah which i'm so grateful that that's what happened because this beautiful um piece of art happened which is so pretty a mango with um with leaves and one of the leaves happens to be a heart and so then oh i didn't even see that part the title Corazon in Spanish means heart or darling and my father passed away years ago and when he was alive how I knew when he was in a good mood was he would

say like come here Corazon come here darling and so that's how that's how I knew that I was going to name my first book that and it's the story of it's a love story loosely based on a situation shit

which is a situation shit Oh, new word. New word. Situationship. I was listening to your last week podcast, and y'all were talking about the breadcrumbs. Breadcrumbing? Breadcrumbing. This is the story of breadcrumbing.

Oh. Yes. That should be like your little like aside. Yes. Story of breadcrumbing. That will be the next theme for the next project that I do. You can use breadcrumbing. We'll give it to you.

We'll give it to you. Free of charge. Thank you. But we're taking situationship. Yeah. And the book is is kind of it's a love story. That's how I introduce it to folks. And it's about the hunger for love. Getting love and then having it fall apart and then returning to yourself. Oh, and like that's kind of what the whole story is. And it's it was really I put the book together. The poems existed, but I put it together in two weeks. Wow. Oh, my God. Which was very intense. two weeks I'm sure we sort of picked one that we wanted you to read so tell us about this one and then give us a reading this is we're getting very deep I love it this one is in a chapter called the ache and um the chapters are the hunger the fruit the bruising the ache and the return

and the ache is kind of like the I'm done chapter like but it hurts you know and so this poem i wrote i'll read it and then we'll talk about it it's called last straw i can wait for you to been at school take care of your health focus on your promotion work on your sobriety heal i can't wait for you to decide i am worth loving yeah and isn't that the story like always always with this it was it's someone that i've been involved with forever like four and a half years and and the whole like we're kind of together we're kind of not we're kind of together we are we're not and um then at some one of our breakups he got his life together like he went back to school and he got sober and he became a vegetarian

and everything and then we started talking again and and i was trying to be patient with him because he had was working with him as a like working on himself as a person but i'm like i can wait for you to become a better person but i can't wait for you to decide that i'm worth being in your life oh my god and um that is brilliant thank you it's this whole thing is just gems it's just i'm like literally i feel i'm gonna go home tonight and read this whole thing and probably bomb my eyes i know that's my plans i know people tell me like i caught your book i can't wait to cry i'm like i don't know if that's okay no it's good no it is you're like adele of poetry like you listen to her music and you just like feel a lot of things you that are very very very very

deep yeah and it brings in that body suit it's very deep in my body suit and it just brings it to the surface yeah and it's good a good relation yeah this would be my my 21 right that was yeah yeah yeah my 21 wait is this your first book this is my first this would be your 19 my 19 but 21 was the breakout yes the best album right that means the best is yet to come i hope there's not more heartbreak though i mean you know i think i've had enough i'm 33 years old i think there's enough that's happened to keep a couple more volumes yeah to keep going back um i write a lot about uh lost love or frustrated love and all those things but um you know like i'm a sucker for love though like i'm always falling in love all over again so yeah that's what happens that's all

of us um since you have it sort of figured out we're gonna have you stick around and when we come back yesica is going to answer some of your ask the lady gang questions ask the lady gang and we're back hope you enjoyed the break yeah it was a great break uh before we start ask lady gang if you guys want 20 off of jackmanic.com use code lady gang and so you've listened to our podcast so you know the deal i know the deal i like we're ready for some good advice from you all right our first question comes from anonymous everybody is really scared now scared people are not leaving their names we don't have any when we first started it was like beverly mitchell 414 now it's anonymous we're like ryan's roses now yeah we are we're gonna

screw up your life if you leave a name so okay first question is and kelty edited this so i'm not sure if this is the entire thing she says one of my close girlfriends has been in an on and off fling with the guy she met at work about a year and a half ago she's canceled plans with our close group of girlfriends to go out with her now boyfriend i want to support her new relationship but it's difficult to do when i've seen how he's hurt her in the past how can i talk to my friend about this without damaging our friendship okay i just remember the backstory on this they've been on and off for like a long time and probably like broke up right and he's been horrible to her and they keep getting back together and then she ditches to go hang out

with him and she's like i want to be supportive of you i love you but like but he's a dick he's a dick and she doesn't want to hurt her friendship because she knows how much she, you know, got it. That makes more sense. Jessica, do you want to take this? What would you do? It's always tricky when you tell your friend you don't like their boyfriend. Always. Because then when they get back together, there's tension.

Especially, yeah, because they've gotten, they've been together on and off for so long that that's going to happen again, I'm sure. Yeah, that's so frustrating. Like, I've been the person that on and off and I've had the friends that are the on and off and I think like what I would do

which could be like the worst advice ever but that's what we like to get yeah that's what we i would tell them once in a while like look this is how i feel about the relationship xyz that or whatever and then just leave it alone just leave it alone because if you keep you also have to give people space to to be what they're going to be i had a high school teacher when i went to my first heartbreak and she told me the heart will have enough once it's had enough until then you can't say or do anything that'll make a change and it's so hard i was in a situation this summer with a friend of mine and i'm like making the list of like douchebaggery from dude over here on the right and it is long and you're like and then you know she was like listen it doesn't help

me when you say horrible things about him i'm like well someone needs do you need to get it through your skull but like you really just can't people have to figure it out in their own way Yeah, nothing that anybody is going to say is going to change your mind if you're, like, in love with somebody, even if they're a total asshole. But, like, the part that we have to be careful of is, like, where the love ends and where it becomes, like, emotionally abusive. Right. And if it's emotionally abusive, then women will be like, look, this is happening and it's not okay. Right. If they still choose to stay in it afterwards, there's not much you can do.

Yeah, it's like at least you say your piece in that sense where it's like at least you didn't not say anything and allowed it to happen and then take kind of a responsibility of your friend's like sadness of that. But yeah, I guess I do the same thing. Yeah. Yeah. I have a friend right now who has a boyfriend I don't like and I told her that. And so now it's just like – Isn't that awkward? Like, ooh, that's awkward.

She's like, and I don't like you. Bye. And you're like, oh. Okay. Our second question comes from a different anonymous. And they say, I've worked for this specific company for several years. I've worked there throughout college and even won our market and award while I was in college. This was still not enough for them to hire me on full-time when I graduated college with two degrees and a certification.

Then they hired a new person who is still in college about four months ago. A full-time position opened up. We both tried out for it, but she received the full-time position. What am I doing wrong? How can I be successful? My family and friends say it's because I am meant for greater things, and I want to believe it, But the constant rejection and humiliation is ruining my self-esteem and motivation. Okay.

Well, I think it's time for you to have a conversation with your boss and just ask for feedback. And you don't have to be emotional and you don't have to be angry. And you can just say, like, what's going on? This is what I've done for you guys. And I feel like I've been very successful. And you can say, can you please answer me honestly? Do you see me getting a full-time position? And if not, can you write me a beautiful letter of recommendation so that I can go on my way?

And what was the thing about something rejection is? I love how Kelsey thinks it's you. I thought it was yours. Men's rejection is God's protection. I really am a firm believer in that. So it's like, I don't think I did. I really don't. I mean, maybe I did.

I'm pretty brilliant. But I do feel like don't delay the inevitable because the conversation needs to happen. because maybe you are meant for something greater and I'm sure you're amazing and you clearly have a lot of experience, but don't let this self, this get to your self esteem and motivation. I can't tell you how many years it has taken like me in particular to realize that all the rejection that I've dealt with had absolutely nothing to do with me or my abilities. Well, and it's, yeah, especially when you're in like a job like that where there's like

everybody has different skill levels and maybe you study different things in college and stuff like she might be better for that position even if she doesn't have as much um experience as you and maybe this is a good kick in the ass to try to find a new job that's better for you do you remember that carnival game where you would shoot the water guns yeah yeah at the little horses yeah i put that on the worst date of my life oh you did okay well you should have like actually loved it you love games i loved it but i beat the guy and then he was pissed at me he was sad okay so you know how like for a minute you're shooting perfectly on the target and like Your horse goes ahead and then someone comes out.

Like, I think that I always think about that metaphor when people, like, I'm like, it's so unfair. I work harder. I do this. How is this person ahead of me? But, like, it all evens out in the end. Like, everyone gets where they need to go if you just keep your blinders on and just focus on you and do the best work. And I agree with Becca. Get the feedback.

But, like, don't watch what anyone else is doing because maybe there's even a better position that's going to open up across town with, like, more days off or whatever. like that you don't even know about it or a better job that like appreciates your work well there's a saying that says comparison is a thief of joy and you know what i do i'm a poet and sometimes i've had friends i've been doing this for 10 years like going on open mics and publicly doing my poetry and i saw all my friends getting things before i did and i didn't understand what was happening i'm like i'm good like what's going on and not until the last two years where i was i wasn't aware of it but i wasn't ready to receive what was going to happen for me and had i gotten And the quote unquote promotion, which would have been for me like the gigs or whatever, if I had gotten my publishing deal earlier on, my book would not exist in the way that it does.

Right. So maybe like you're, you know, you haven't shown you're assertive enough or you haven't shown that you're like ready in a way that you need to be ready. Right. Yeah. And if they don't love you, then F them. Oh. So close. All right.

Our last question comes from Lauren. Lauren says, how do you deal with anxiety? Ever since I started university four years ago, I had to deal with anxiety, which is only getting worse. I'm at a point where it's keeping me from sleeping. I have constant headaches and I always feel like crying and I'm just overall exhausted. I'm having trouble talking about it with people as it's something in my head and not something visible. So my question is, how do you not let anxiety control your life and how do you overpower it? I talk about

anxiety a lot because I deal with chronic anxiety journaling is really important writing is really important sometimes the thoughts are so jumbled in our head that they snowball so if you were to take your time whenever you feel overwhelmed to sit down and write even if you say I don't know what I'm doing I don't know what I'm doing

just writing it over and over it gives you a place to put it down outside of yourself and that helps a lot other than like there being counseling yeah because i think it's important to learn everybody has different coping mechanisms yeah but writing is really important i'm like that too like i write a lot like just for myself um but it definitely is like so therapeutic to me and i'll do like train a

thought just like word vomit and then kind of i'll feel like a thought coming through and then i'll like meticulously craft it into something that i'd be like i feel like this is like poetry to myself um but that in a sense like it gets all of my thoughts out and then i can kind of craft it into a way where I'm like this is exactly how I'm feeling it's like perfectly put together and then I feel like I can like move past it but I mean I suffer from like crazy crazy anxiety as well um yoga's helped me um talking about it helps me I know it doesn't help with a lot of people but I need to like talk through my feelings and my thoughts or else I'll explode yeah um I think number one you started university four years ago that's a really really hard time like i would say

that that is one of the hardest times in a woman's life i mean maybe men but like who cares about them um but that's a really tricky time and so don't be hard on yourself and so many people deal with anxiety i think the worst thing you can do is like shove it all down and not deal with it because it only gets worse. I think talking to somebody, a professional is vital at this point. And just self-care is so important because, you know, just if you start early, you'll be good to go. I think also if you find friends that also have anxiety, because some people don't have anxiety and like, like my mom doesn't really, so she doesn't really understand when I'm like having a panic attack. So, but then I have like two best friends of mine that like have crazy

anxiety as well so i always talk to them because they understand exactly what i'm going through and it's like you have somebody that like empathizes with you in that sense so you don't feel so alone i guess i love that um i don't have anxiety but sometimes i get really depressed and when i do i just make lists that's my like secret it's like i wake up in the middle of the night when i can't sleep and i just make lists and then it makes me feel better and i actually did realize this week that making a list in pencil is what i prefer like more than pens or iphone lists why There's something about a pencil and then being able to cross it off with, like, the etch of the pencil on the paper.

It's, like, so – Becca, dude, shut up. Well, you know Jack makes some pretty bomb pencils. Yes, she does. Oh, I do. I forgot about that. Okay. Well, I hope we fixed your life. Where can we get the book?

At notacult.media backslash corazon. Okay. Or you could go to my website. Right. Yesicasalgado.com. And that leads you to everything that's me. That would post that. And then also your Instagrams.

Okay, yeah, that's Jessica Star, Y-E-S-I-K-A-S-T-A-R-R on Instagram. And that used to be my catfish name, Jessica Star. Wait, they didn't know and your name was Jessica Star? No, I kept – they were – yeah, it was a lot. But I kept it as a way of not running away from my story and making it a part of who I am now. I love that. Congratulations on the book. It is so beautiful.

Thank you so much. We're going to give away a copy on the Lady Gang Instagram. So stay tuned and everyone go purchase this because it's beautiful. A beautiful gift, too. Thank you. Thank you so much. All right. Make sure to follow us on Instagram at the Lady Gang at Jack Vanek at Becca at Kelty

Knight and head on over to iTunes. Share this podcast with all your friends. Hit subscribe. We love all the subscribers. And that's it for now. Sorry if we made you sad, but I really loved having you on. Thank you for having me. It was good talks.

All right. See you next Tuesday. Yay! Woo! Yay! All right! Join the Lady Gang every Tuesday at iTunes and at PodcastOne.com. That's PodcastONE.com.

Thanks for listening.