Language of Love with Dr. Laura Berman - All for Love with Matt Kahn: Learning How to Hold Space

Episode Date: June 8, 2022

On this episode of “The Language of Love,” I am joined by Matt Kahn. Matt is an empath, speaker, healer, and bestselling author of books like “Whatever Arises, Love That” and “The Universe Always Has a Plan.” I love Matt’s work and I am a HUGE fan of his books. That is why I am so honored and grateful he is sharing his brilliance on “The Language of Love.” Today, we will learn about: • Your “Third Eye”: Is there really such a thing as a third eye and what the heck is it? • Trusting Your Visions: Matt shares his history of connection with the unseen world and how he has received messages from Source. How can you learn to trust messages from your angels or higher beings? • Channeling Your Intuition: We all have spiritual gifts and we all have the ability to tap into the unseen and receive messages from the beyond. Yet, many of us don’t know how to trust that process or get of our own way. How can you start accessing this power and letting yourself be comfortable with the mystery of the unknown? • Holding Space: How can you learn to be more compassionate and patient with the people in your life who are acting out or behaving poorly? How can you hold space for another person’s pain while still honoring your own right to be treated well? Matt teaches us how we can stand up for ourselves without getting caught in an argumentative back-and-forth with our loved ones that often goes nowhere. • The Unconscious Masculine: Why our inner protector can actually block our path of transformation, and how we can switch into the part of our minds that does not speak from pain or fear. Matt illustrates how we can move beyond a predator-prey mindset and stop taking sides and getting stuck in our own narratives. • How to Access Your Empath Abilities: Matt is a true empath can deeply feel and sense other people’s pain. If you are an empath as well, it’s important to learn how to use your abilities and also how to ground and protect yourself from low vibrational energy that could be destructive. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hey i'm dr laura berman a sex and relationship therapist and for the past three decades i've been helping people learn how to love and be loved better that's what we're doing here on the language of love where i get to answer calls and emails from people just like you my goal with the language of love is to help you discover more meaningful emotional and physical intimacy and to help you build more awareness of how precious and sacred your sexuality really is. Be sure to email me or reach out with your very own love sex relationship questions, and I might just answer them live on the air. It's time we all become fluent in the language of love. Excited to bring you into this language of love conversation with one of my favorite authors.

I'm sort of a fangirl. I've read pretty much all of his books and his newest book is really fantastic and super practical. You're going to find out how to help you in your love life. Matt, Matt Kahn, I was going to say Matt Kahn is a bestselling author and empathic healer and his newest book, which is coming out with the summer solstice, June 20th, 21st. You can get it now, though, is All for Love, The Transformative Power of Holding Space. Matt, I'm so excited to talk to you. Well, thanks for having me. It's really quite an honor to be here with you. So as I was saying, I've followed you for a long time. And I guess most of your books, as I understand, or all of them are channeled. Right. How does that work?

So when I was a kid, because it started happening at a very early age for me, but I didn't know what it was. And I was, I remember telling my parents about what I was experiencing. And I said, it's kind of like I'm whispering into my own self-seer. It's what I said when I was like nine or eight. Oh, that's so cute. And the way to describe it, you're whispering. So you heard whispering. Yes. Your own voice, you heard whispering in your ear. Is that why you thought you were whispering in your ear or was it a different kind of voice? When I was younger, it was the sound of my own voice saying very interesting, clear, wise things. And then as I began to evolve and grow and

age, I started to meet different guides and angels and beings that would introduce themselves like, hi, I'm Mother Mary. And it was so funny because it seems so overly casual, like, hi, hey, I'm Matt, Pleasure to meet you. Hey, and Archangel Michael. Hey, it's a big sword. And, you know, all these beings I met, I would hear them, I would feel them, and I would see them in my third eye, which for a lot of people is kind of like if you imagine your peripheral vision in front of you.

Way to put it, yeah. That's how I describe third eye is peripheral vision in front of you. And so I would have visions of these guides and we'd have these conversations about the universe. And because they always came with a feeling of profound love, I always knew to trust it because I always was interested in spirituality, but I really was being educated by the process while doing it. And I found myself at a certain age being compelled to say things to people that I didn't know why I knew, but I needed to share this. And when I did, people had huge breakthroughs and transformations and healings. And I didn't know how I was doing it. I just knew when to do

it. But so it wasn't that you heard a voice or anything because that happens to me and I have to restrain myself, you know, which is hard for me because I don't have the best filter. I have to think. But I sometimes like I remember I was on vacation recently with my kids and I was sitting on the beach watching one of them surf. Yeah. Woman walked by and I really wanted to tell her that her brother really missed her. Right. I'm like, I don't freaking know if this woman has a brother

and she's going to think I'm crazy, but I really want to tell her. And so how do you handle that? I mean, not that I'm like a channel, but I think we all are. You, for whatever reason, maybe you know from your guides how you came,

because it sounds like you came like this. Most of us sort of develop this. We all have the capacity, but we're not born this way, right? you were born this way. I was born this way, but I had to spend years developing and honing the ability to remember and understand the abilities within me, which we all have and we're all developing. I remember once I was in a grocery store and I was by the oranges and there was a woman next to me and I had this feeling in my heart, like I need to tell her this thing. And

if I don't, my heart's going to explode. And I said, I turned to her and I said, look, I'm so sorry. I don't know you. You don't know me. I need to tell you that your grandmother wants you to know, X, Y, Z. And she burst into tears and said, I've been mourning the loss of my grandmother. I wanted to hear from her and you just healed my heart. So do you always tell people when you have that feeling that you're going to burst if you don't? Okay. Well, that's, that's good. And I like the way you said it. Cause like, I've also been told to say, listen, I've just had this feeling or this message. Do you want it? You know? And if they say no and go running the other way, You don't have to give it to them, but at least you don't just launch a message on them.

Absolutely. And, you know, it's interesting because in current time, my intuition is as open as it ever was, and I'm feeling everyone around me and I can feel everyone's energy and everyone's process, but I don't actually get messages anymore unless I'm in a space where I'm working with someone, like in an event or in some sort of healing capacity. in the beginning it was part of my initiation to have some message come to me and just share it with someone I don't know to open me up to the trust of my own intuition but have that confirmation yeah absolutely and then as you master it I now have the ability to use my intuition and it's

intuitive messages for myself I receive all day and I'm aware of people but I only am put in a position now to do that when we're in that sacred agreement of we are healing and I'm here to help you and you've agreed to receive and now we can kind of have this exchange. So, but in the beginning, it was a little harrowing to do that, but it really kind of got me over myself. And to be honest, in the beginning, there was a fear of like, oh, I want to make sure I'm doing what I do at the highest level. And it was really how much I realized people, including myself, have suffered that really pulled me into service and wanting to really support and absolve and heal the suffering of humanity. And it's just such an honor to be able

to be an antenna for the universe and a channel for love. Aw, that's beautiful. Antenna for the universe. And you talk about in your book, the new book that's coming out, All for Love, You talk a lot about your own story, which it sounds like it was a big part of the inspiration besides the universal hurt that's in the world right now. And I talk so much on this show and on social media about what happens when you are raised by what I call emotionally immature parents and what that looks like and how that affects us in terms of the boundaries we can hold, the way that we can ask for what we need, the way that we can express our feelings in a healthy or unhealthy way, how codependent we are, all of that. And I've certainly spent the past 10 years doing a lot of healing in my own life about those earlier childhood wounds. And it feels like this time, there couldn't be a better time for this book to come out because this time in our human history, just with everything happening astrologically and

energetically, and that this is a time of intense ancestral wound healing. This is the time. Yes. What your book is about to me is a way to move in the world in an emotionally mature way. And you use your own life a lot in the book about like conversation when you had sort of, you know, I wouldn't say they were confrontations, but real honest conversations with your mother and with some of your family members who were lovely, beautiful, loving, wonderful people. but like my parents, like most of our parents had their serious shadows and growth edges and

emotional immaturity that affected you as it does all of us. And so you use that as examples and you demonstrate along with other examples, because what I love about what you're teaching and it's a version, a much more spiritually inspired version of what I teach, even in my clinical practice helping people heal their relationships is that there is a way to compassionately and lovingly and unattachedly, you know, you're not attached to the outcome, really connect with those who have hurt you or harmed you or are unconscious or aren't conscious of their own shadows or whatever it is that gently calls them to consciousness. Yes. Yes. I love how you put that. I was raised in a family with two beautiful parents. My parents loved each other incredibly.

They loved me. And yet with their patterning, it was a household that was the marriage of codependency and functional alcoholism. And from a very early age, I sought refuge in the role of a rescuer. I was my parents' marriage counselor since age 11. I felt like I was, hey, welcome to the club. And I felt like I was holding their relationship together, afraid they would both die lonely if they were divorced. And really just was very confused by my empathic abilities where I could feel other people's emotions, but I would confuse their feelings as if it was their opinions of me. And I got very confused in rescuing. I got very confused, especially I learned how to survive manipulation in my family. I learned to take, because my mom, when she would

get triggered, would take on her father's qualities and become sort of a pathological liar when she was triggered. And so I would be accused of things I didn't do, or I would say, hey, I'm feeling like this is the truth and I'd be accused of lying. And so I had to learn how to take on false accusations of guilt and get to an apology faster that I could speak the truth in a moment where reality wasn't the governing force of the moment. Yeah. And also as a kid, you have to, you have to do what you have to do to survive. You create these strategies within ourselves to say and do like for me, and it sounds like to a certain extent for you, you know, for me and my healing discernment, knowing my own truth, it was the biggest hurdle. I very quickly learned that if

I'm going to survive and thrive in this family and get your love and approval. I have to just decide your truth is truth, even though I want the truth, but I'll just have my truth be with your truth. Absolutely. And I think that when we talk about our childhoods, we did what we had to do to survive. And how many of us on this planet are still operating from that do what we have to do to survive? So the reason I wrote this book, I channeled this book is because I wanted to write a book where we can actually move through this time in history, thrive, communicate, and interact with one another, but without lowering the standard of our conduct, without doing it in a way where it's this goal where we beat ourselves up for not quote-unquote

being spiritual, but how do we, in the most authentic and real way, actually meet life and communicate from a space of love without love being this like doormat care bear energy that people walk all over. Walk all over. No, it's holding boundaries in a loving way. Yeah, that was my, and you put it in the book and just now so much better than I could, but my mantra for so many years as I was basically retraining my family, my new boundaries, two things, just because you're the only sane one in this insane world does not make you the insane one. I would say that to me and I would just myself. And then I would say just loving detachment. Right. That was sort of the state that I wanted to hold, but it's hard because

our families trigger us more than anyone else. That's right. And I used it as like this, the social experiment, my whole life where I would communicate in a way I would watch how it would land and I would see what would happen. And then I'd go back to my room as a kid and go, and I would think this and I would go, okay, what didn't work about that? Or my parents would argue and I would listen to their arguments and I would listen to blow by blow. He says this, she says this, what is that? And I didn't know what I was doing, but I was analyzing since I was, I was probably, I started analyzing everything that happened probably from the age of 12. And then I would be able to watch myself outside of myself in an interaction. I mean, I'd be a

kid triggered by it. And I would be in these knock down, drag out emotional, you know, emotional screaming matches with my parents. And at the same time, I'm watching it almost from within and I'm, and I'm observing and I'm studying. And so what was interesting in my family, and we find this a lot, one of my greatest wounds became my greatest strength. Just like one of my greatest strengths becomes a weakness. My greatest wound was I lived in a family where it was put into me in a very deep way that no matter how anyone acted, I was not allowed. I must be the big person, the polite person. And that was a really disempowering thing because it didn't give me a right to be angry and turned into this fermented frustration in my body. But

the strength that came out of that, out of all the healing I've done, is that I've become aware of a level of alignment with the universe where there is an elegant and eloquent way we can interact and communicate with our lovers, ourselves, our shadow, our inner child, our family, anyone, and we can actually communicate in a way where we can convey any truth without having to lower the standard of our own ethical value. And I think this is the time in history we need to really learn that. Yes. At the highest frequency, like you hold, and this is what I'm always saying to you guys, you hold your steady high frequency. You don't, or as Michelle Obama would put it in her practical terms, when they go low, you go high, right? But you hold your own high frequency.

Now, one of the things I love about your book, he kind of goes through, I'm going to ask you to try, you know, to sort of mention some of these qualities, right? Because you lift these 10 qualities of love and action in this higher frequency, holding space, holding your own in a loving way, ways you can set boundaries, engage, get your needs met, get your communication across. He kind of talks about it. He gives an example. He explains it.

And then I'm talking about you, he. I'm talking to my peeps here. And then he gives a supportive sentence, right? Like this, I really loved because a lot of times we don't have the words and we're like, okay, this all sounds great. But like, what the fuck do I say? So you have the supportive statement for encouragement for valid. Like, so let's talk about the qualities is there is validation, encouragement, reverence,

mercy, worthiness. What am I missing? Great question. What are you missing? You channeled it. You don't remember. I know, but if I open my own book of, uh, there's 10 reverence, there's 10 qualities I channel because when I write a book, I sit down and I actually channel the outline in about 25 minutes.

And so I tell myself the entire book outline, I sit down off, off top of my head and I just do it. And then I write the book from the outline, I channel it. And then of course I can work with an editor to refine whatever it is. And I can then that's another form of channeling. But what's funny is I write the book or I do a YouTube video and it touches a lot of people. And then people will come up to me and go, when you said that, and then I'm like hearing it for the first time and I'm touched by it. I go. So there's different kinds of channels, right? There's a channel that leaves the building while you're channeling. Totally. And there's the channel that's observing while you're channeling. That's the one I am. That's you. You're observing

while you're channeling, but you still don't retain it because you're really in a distant place observing kind of consciously. I'm aware of it when it's happening, but soon after it's done, it kind of integrates it. So what happens is a lot of people will go to an event or they'll read something that touches their heart and they feel it and then they feel like it goes away. What's actually happening is it's not drifting away. It's integrating into the cells of your body. It's just not accessible by the rational mind. So we think we've lost it. So as I integrate so quickly, and part of the process of being a channel, and I have this discussion with my guides, and I said, look, I don't want to step aside and have some other voice come through me. And they said, well, then you're going to have to integrate everything you channel. So you'll channel it, you'll integrate it, you'll actually embody it, and then you'll do another frequency. So I've gone through a process throughout my whole life, and it began at a very early age, where I am an embodiment of what I'm channeling. And then the path is my life, my choices, my behavior is a reflection of that which I…

the kind of channel I want to be. I want to get all the goodies and integrate them and live them and practice, heal, and teach. Okay. So let's list these. I want to make sure that we give some people some of these qualities because I think they're really beautiful. And we can also talk about some of the supportive sentences while you're looking those up to remember what you wrote. Like I have written down here, supportive sentence for encouragement. I would love to hear the events that led to your feelings yes for validation you have a right to be heard right so someone you'll understand when you read like what is the need for validation look like in your loved ones or your right no like and so you know when to use it for reverence i'm here

with you yes for mercy i now see how you've been mistreated when i'm in this flow when i'm doing what I do. I'm simultaneously channeling what I do, experiencing what I do and going, oh, wow, I really love this. And when we take a statement for mercy, like I now see how you've been treated or mistreated. Well, first of all, the whole idea of holding space is that the perspective of compassion is that we are aware that we and other people are all at different stages of a healing journey. If you went and saw a person in your family in the hospital and they were acting out of character, you would say, well, they're in pain. They just came out of surgery. But because our hospital beds are invisible and we don't actually often see, and we're all trying to

present ourselves as overly capable beings, we don't see this. And so holding space is how can I relate to life with the awareness that we're all on a deep healing journey? And when we have a statement like, I now see how you've been mistreated, it is one of the most compassionate ways to respond to someone's mistreatment of you. Because so often the subconscious setup is someone else is so afraid of being rejected, they treat others in a way that guarantees the rejection that maintains their identity of being unlovable and unwanted. So when someone mistreats us, and I've practiced this with my family year after year, trying to have a rational come to Jesus powwow with people who don't give a shit how you feel doesn't really work. So what I tried

and I tried this out of just pure inspiration is someone had said something to me that was very mean spirited. And I just, it jumped out of my mouth. And I said, based on what you've just shared with me, I now see how you've been mistreated. And then they paused and they said, what do you mean by that? And I looked at them and I said, who hurt you? Right. And then they said, why are you asking me that? I said, I'm asking who hurt you because right now you are hurting me. And it was one of the first times in my life I found the ability to speak up for myself without accusing and getting into a war with someone. Yeah, that's really beautiful. And it reminds me in a way of something that I adopted really early with my kids. Thanks. Wonderful

child psychiatrist that I interviewed years ago named Dr. Laura Markham. And I was telling her as my kids were just getting to enter adolescence, they were being such assholes. I was getting into these like battles of will with them. And she was like, the way to relate to them is like in that moment, if your kid can't find their genes, it is the biggest crisis in the universe. They feel out control. They feel scared. They're being complete assholes. So if you were to say to them, I just did this recently with my youngest son when he was being an asshole, always like nips it in the butt. And it's a version of what you're talking about. I say, this isn't like you, like what's going on. You must really be hurting right now to be speaking to me this way. Cause this isn't who

you are. And what I love about that is that it's an immediate reminder, like a calling to consciousness of who they really are. Right. And it's not making them wrong for being an asshole. So they're not getting defensive. Right. And they sort of, they won't always be like, well, I'm feeling very scared right now. Cause I, you know, they're not always so conscious of exactly what the trigger is, but it immediately, and then I say, let me help you. You know, how can I support you? That's right. And that's a version of what you're talking about here, right? Absolutely. And hurt people hurt people, right? Or as Oprah's recent book, What Happened to You, right? What you're talking about is a version of that. You're saying to the

person, who hurt you? I can see now how hurt you were. If we take this perspective from the normal perspective versus the holding space perspective. So normal perspective is just, hey, you're being an asshole right now. And then someone's ego says, oh, I have to defend the image I'm hiding behind. But then what happens, and this is something I just realized early in my life somehow, because I've been observing for many, many years. When you ask someone a question, the ego always wants to find an answer because the ego is the seeker, but not the receiver of fulfillment. So when you say, who hurt you? Or, you know, a question like that, you know, basically based on what you're sharing, I now see how you've been mistreated. That's kind of a pattern interrupt. And then

once there's space, we say, who hurt you? We ask a question because the question turns their awareness into themselves to become accountable, self-aware, or even to make peace with the vulnerability they're avoiding. And what I realized in my family was some of these people who seemed to not like me, didn't like how much joy I was experiencing when sharing space with them during a life that they hated being the character they thought they were. Delight, our new double espresso with ginseng extract. Whatever lies ahead, don't change your morning. Let your morning change you. Discover Coffee Plus on Nespresso.com. And it was really this, how can you be so joyful when my life is so shitty? And part of the book,

you know, we talk about, you know, healing begins with listening. And I think the first chapter is about listening, if I remember correctly. And it's really about this interesting agreement when we enter into family or any communication, I think it's a good question for listeners to really ponder, which is before you enter into an interaction, are you authentically interested in listening to what people have to share, even if you don't agree with it, even if it's a topic you don't enjoy? And knowing that the more we start to just enjoy who people are versus where they're at in their journey, it makes it safe for them to be equally interested in us. And so Holding Space is really a book about conscious communication, creating intimacy and relationships.

And simultaneously, every step of the book that helps you deepen your relationships, open up to intimacy, is teaching you how to communicate with your inner child to transform your own healing journey and really become an empathic, empowered being. I think that's so beautiful. Did you just channel that or did that come out of you? Oh no, everything I say, that's literally just boop. Does anything you say not get channeled? You know, what's funny is I also tell a lot of jokes.

I tend to be funny. I channel recipes. I'm also very much into cooking. That's a passion of mine. I use my channel for everything. I use my channel to remember, especially in this atmosphere where everything is a little,

like right now on the planet, like let's just call this dark night of the soul the musical like this is what's the whole world's dark night of the soul crazy town or collective at least and so a lot of people's minds are really kind of shut down or paused and for me i use my psychic channel to actually think i use it for everything i use my intuition for everything so everything i say is kind of a different frequency of channel. And I think that the difference between channeling and like what your ego wants to say is that the ego is always like, if we're listening in a conversation, you know, when you're talking to someone or someone's talking to you and you're listening and you have something you

want to say, but you're holding it. Yes. It's like jump rope. You're waiting for that moment to get in and you're holding it and you know, I'm going to say it because I hope it does this. So the ego is the one that crafts things ahead of time for the agenda or for the purpose of a certain outcome a channel is just flow and so for me yeah i learned to live in that presence that just flows and for me i hear what i say as i say it and you're like oh that was good yeah feeling myself right now. Yeah. Feeling myself. Yeah. I think, you know, this is what I say when people are talking, you know, and say, well, how, like when we talk about self-love, I always say that like the best way to arrive, there's all these things, you know, self-care, well, like

self-esteem is different than self-love. Self-love is fundamentally knowing it's beyond the ego. It's beyond achievement. It's like knowing that you are a one of a kind, like irreplaceable, unbelievable miraculous spark of god and the more that you you don't have to channel obviously but the more that you connect and feel that and sense that and get it's really hard not to think you're fantastic in a good way not in a good way you know what i mean like to really love yourself because you start to realize that you're part of something that's miraculous absolutely and i think as I grew up, I was in some ways afraid of really owning how fantastic and unique I was. I grew up as a secretly insecure person, but with a healthy amount of confidence. And I remember

kids would say to me, like, how can you be so certain about yourself? And I've always had that confidence and a conviction about me. And what I realized and what really helped me was my ability to truly see myself as a unique expression of divinity allows me to recognize that uniqueness in others. And so, to withhold it from myself means I'm not going to see it in others and we all suffer. I love that so much. And that is what we need right now because all of the discord and duality, if you believe, if you voted for this person, you can't possibly be my friend and And if you and someone that I align with and if you have this belief about the environment or this story about politics or international or Ukraine or covid or vaccine or whatever, pick your poison. If you were connected to this and this is why I like a lot of my because I have friends in all different life and all different political views and many of them, you know, I have friends who are conspiracy theorists.

I have friends, Trump voters. I mean, I have all sorts of people and it's interesting to me how I react and experience it versus them situation because I'm just seeing the whole picture and it's from kind of a bird's eye view. Not that I'm not invested, but my core investment is in love. Yeah. And I think that when we are invested in love, and this is just what I can share as my truth, my side that i choose is to heal all sides so i i am my life's dedicated to healing the victims

as well as the predatorial patterns that once we heal those we start to live in a world where we stop replicating what is suffering for all beings and that's the side which is all sides and it reminds me of this funny experience i had where i was on a plane talking to someone which is an experience i have quite often and sometimes people know me and sometimes they don't which is which is fine. And I was talking to this person and I said, Hey, like, what are you passionate about? And they said, I'm passionate about one thing. And I thought, Ooh, what's this? And they said, Donald Trump. And I thought, Oh, okay. So this was a chance for me to demonstrate holding space because it was not, not too far in the past. And I said, Oh, tell me about this. And they went

off on their whole thing. And I'm listening. And I said, which is part of the holding space process, hey, thank you for sharing with me what you're so passionate about. I said, it makes me feel a part of your life that you're sharing what's meaningful with you because in holding space, we learn to respond to people's passions instead of getting caught in the narrative of the side. And then they said to me, because this is how sides are, they said, oh, that's nice. Thank you so much. What do you think of Donald Trump? And I said to them, I've never met the man. I couldn't say. I said, if you have a question about Matt Kahn, I've spent a bunch of time with him. I could tell you anything about him. I said, well, you've seen him on TV. And I said,

you'll have to ask my TV. And I said, I'm just here to honor your passion because what you're passionate about gives me a chance to know the uniqueness of your heart. I said, I'm just really here honoring your passion. And what was interesting is after that point, the conversation wasn't about are you with me or against me? And all of a sudden, that person who was hiding behind the narrative felt safe to actually open up further. And I was just there to be a space of safety. New from Nespresso. Blend wellness into your coffee routine with the Coffee Plus range, infused with functional benefits. Choose the coffee you love with added B vitamins, like Coffee Plus B12 to help support immune function and Coffee Plus B6 to keep your day

moving or go with the flow and choose ginseng delight our new double espresso with ginseng extract whatever lies ahead don't change your morning let your morning change you discover coffee plus on nespresso.com yeah and wouldn't it be a wonderful world if we could do that because you know i was doing an interview i assume you know because it feels like everybody knows that my son was tragically murdered a little over a year ago and i was doing the dr Oz show. It was Dr. Oz. And he said to me, what would you do if you had the opportunity to come face to face with your son's killer, basically the guy who sold him these counterfeit pills he ordered on Snapchat. And I said, I don't really think about that, but what I'd be probably curious

about is like, what happened to you? Because you have to be so messed up and so hurt and in such a dark place to, first of all, sell drugs, but especially sell drugs to children, especially counterfeit, fat, murderous drugs to children. I said to him, like, I don't think anyone is inherently evil. And he looked at me like I was crazy and said, I don't agree with that at all. I definitely think some people are inherently evil. And I'm like, okay, you know, go on with your bat. I didn't argue with him, but that was pretty shocking to me. But that is how a lot of people think. And I just, and I know you don't think this, you think the same way I do that no one is, I feel like that's a big undercurrent of this book is that it helps give you the tools,

but also the understanding that the people in your life who you're struggling with, it's not really because they're bad, wrong, evil, you know, that they need to somehow change. It's speaking to the wounds underneath what's causing this bad, emotionally mature or toxic behavior. And to touch on that, I just want to say the moment I heard about your son, my heart broke and I wanted to reach out and give you the biggest hug. And it's a tendency of the unconscious masculine just in the healing journey. Because really what we're speaking about is just the deeper we're steeped in pain, the more it influences our perceptions or behavior or actions. And the unconscious masculine wants to be such a protector, but what it doesn't realize is that

It thinks it's blocking the anticipation of incoming threat, but what it's actually blocking is the path of transformation. And the answer you gave, I thought, was just such an eloquent, mature answer to what you would say to that person. I learned how to trust the channel because it was the only part of me that didn't speak from pain. And I think in the world, we're at a place in humanity where there's been such a suppression of pain that people need to share their pain, but there's a tendency to share their pain by

identifying with the pain. And we either identify with the pain as a new mask, we identify with the pain as that which I take out on others. And I think what we're really learning in the world is that predatory behavior is what happens to a being of consciousness who is so overwhelmed by pain, they only know how to reach out and ask for help by projecting it onto others and hiding their pain in innocent people. And I think we're at a point of history or we're going to get to a point of history. We're taking sides and which side are you on is going to burn itself out because the pattern of collective evolution is always absorption, foreshadows, transcendence. So we're absorbed in pain because we're foreshadowing the transcendence of pain. And we're going to get to a

place, hopefully sooner rather than later, that we are able to talk about our pain and heal our pain without turning it into a mask we hide behind and without hiding it in the bodies of innocent people as an unconscious way of crying out for help. Yes, that's beautiful. I want to ask you, this is just my curiosity here. I think everyone will be interested in this because I have started, I think this has been over the past 10 years, but certainly since Sammy died and on a metaphysical meta level, and I've talked about this, I know unequivocally like known every cell of my body that we have these soul contracts. I knew this before he died. I never, obviously you never anticipate through a sphere, but you also don't anticipate that your child is going to die.

But since he died and once I kind of got beyond the initial shock bubble, I know that this was kind of preordained in a way, like it was an agreement we made. And I also have been, as I open up to it more now that I'm not in so much pain, I can sort of feel him or it feels like he's not a direct source of information, but more of a conduit and a partner, if that makes sense. And I'm, so I'm starting to open up more to this idea of, of channeling what, you know, for lack of a better term or downloads or whatever. And so I meditate or sometimes, you know, I have my little crystals and his ashes in this little heart and, you know, I sort of have my little routines that I, that I bring him in, but I'm just curious since this is so organic to you, two things, one, any recommendations that you have for like really opening up that channel in a clear way and in a conscious way.

And also, since I do write so often, I'm so in my left brain when I write and I don't want to be anymore. And I've been resistant to even writing because of that. And so my second question is for anyone who wants to embark on a creative endeavor, me writing from a channeled place, what kind of tips or tools can you give us to sort of i know everyone's process is different but if you have any advice absolutely you know and one thing i want to say just as an aside is you know i can feel from his soul in the akashic records that his dharma of this lifetime was learning about discernment which is going to set up for another lifetime and it's about learning of the precious value of life and that the work he will do in a future lifetime to help people

be reminded and to preserve the preciousness of their life is incredible. And I want to say to you as an honor of you, there are so few souls that are willing to incarnate and to birth a child that will either perish from some circumstance or even suicide or something like that. The strength it takes for a soul to be able to be the loving parent to a child who's going to take this journey is incredible. And I say that as an honor to you because it's such a big, big calling. I did not mean to sign up for that. I know. And just like when we meet our beloveds and they perish tragically, the strength it takes to love and to lose or to have a connection change dimensions and go from form to essence is happening. Yeah. Is a very high level thing

in terms of channeling two things. Some people will call it automatic writing where you just kind of will write with no intention and just let it come out. I liked the way I did it was, I call it automatic speaking. So what I would do is, and you know, when they do yoga, they end with Shavasana and they're more open. So you can do it that, or you can breathe or do I love used to your heart, which I love to teach and get yourself in a kind of a relaxed place. And then you can use your phone and just do a voice memo and it will feel like you're talking out of your ass. Yeah, that's what it feels like. And what you're doing is you're clearing out the filters. You're clearing out the layers of ego. And even when you think, oh, this is nonsense,

you just want to press record, be in a relaxed space and have no intention and just start speaking. And sometimes you'll do it for a minute. Sometimes you'll be able to do it for 10 minutes. Even if you listen back and it's nonsense, that is actually clearing out filters like attachment. And then if you keep doing it, you'll start to create enough space inside of yourself for the universe to bring you insights. And then it will be like, okay, I talk out of my ask for two minutes, then it starts to happen. Then the minute you start speaking, boom, it comes through. And so I think the practice, we could just call it talking out of your ass. Yeah, the talking out of your ass practice, Scott.

It's actually very, very helpful because I think sometimes with writing, we immediately get into a little bit of a critical mind with that. Oh, I totally do. So I would say just, even if you don't press record, because some of the people feel like they're a little on camera doing that. Just sit in a room when you're in just a kind of a relaxed place, even if you have your eyes between half open and half closed, and just start talking. And you'll start to feel the vibration of your own consciousness synthesizing, relaxing, easing your nervous system. The more your nervous system relaxes, the more your inner channel opens. And the more your inner channel opens, the more information can come through. And the more you

get used to speaking, not from your rational mind, but speaking actually from the access of your subconscious mind. Yes. And knowing the difference, I had to figure that out even with moving my body into different frequencies when I teach in quantum love. And now I know very clearly what it feels like to be in home frequency inside my body. And I can easily just move my body into that without having to go through the process because now my body understands it as a muscle memory. And it feels like what you're describing to a certain extent, I mean, you're also clearing the clutter and clearing the resistance, clearing the cholesterol of that's built up, but you're also creating a muscle memory. Cause I know like when I'm the only time that I have, I feel like

so far a really clear channel is if I set that intention, I do this whole grounding, tuning in, tapping in. I'm working with a client or I'm setting that intention. And then I ask for guidance and I say a prayer. And then all this stuff starts coming out. And I know when it's true, I try to run it through my heart because that's sort of the one place that feels like it is an ego. I run it through my heart before it comes out of my mouth, if I can. But when I'm on the right track, I have what I call truth chills. I get chills all over my body. Yes. And so I'm just curious for you, now it's second nature, you're, as you say, always in your channel.

Yeah. But at a certain point when you were telling the difference between what is what, what did it feel like for you? How do you know when it's not coming out your ass but comes to your channel? It's not coming out of my root chakra. My root chakra's got something to say to you. I would notice a couple things. One was that when I was speaking for my ego, I was speaking from two places, either agenda or pain. Okay.

So I would start to notice what wants to speak that is not agenda or pain. Now, in order to do so, I had to be in more of a conscious relationship with pain because it was the pain I was trying to avoid in my life that created the agenda. So what I noticed was when I would speak from a channel, I would feel a current, like being massaged by light through my body. I have also received those chill bumps too, but it feels almost like life is speaking through me versus these words are being spoken by me. Like even, for example, as we all face forward looking at this, if you face forward, you can sense a face, but you can't actually see your own face. And so I started to realize that this

costume of Matt Kahn, awesome, loving it, loving it, but I don't see my face. And I can actually feel that this flow is just coming from this vastness of universal space. And the more I allowed myself to open up to Matt Kahn as an experience I'm having, but not a person that I have to defend or protect, which doesn't mean I let people walk all over me. I started to feel as if the words were speaking through me, not by me. And I started to realize that what I would say was neither agenda or pain. Like it wasn't like I'm trying to connect with you. So I need you to accept my pain as an extension of myself. Right. Or my agenda, my growth edge is I need to do a good job for you. I need you to think that I'm effective and helpful. And so I got to

say something that's really going to resonate with you. Or that children's book by P.D. Eastman. Are you my mother? Yeah. Which my whole life. I read that book so many times to my kids. But I think that's a book, you as the experience you're having. If we can all do that, which I don't live from that place every minute, but I live from there a lot more than I ever did before, that this is a bio body suit. I mean, it's part of what makes life feel like such a miracle to me. Absolutely. Is that like, how the hell am I in this freaking body? Like the fact that that sperm and that egg came together and that I grew into a human and that I am here and I'm a spirit in this body.

And I'm like in this crazy video game of life. And everyone I'm looking at is also in this, that's crazy to me. It really is. And I think that that's kind of what realized itself in me was, oh, I'm an experience that I am having. And what people are sharing with me is not only their experience of me, but it's only their experience of me based on the experience they are having on themselves. And like out of nowhere, and this spurred a lot of the awakenings I've gone through to actually become the channel that I channel, which is a very different process in channeling. But what I realized was what people are sharing can be reflective. And I have the discernment of being able, okay, that might be helpful. But by and large, nothing people share with me has anything to do with me whatsoever,

ever, including what I think of myself. Yes. It's just their projection. That's what I always say to my couples. When you are in a relationship with someone, you are actually really having a relationship with yourself. That's right. That other person is the catalyst, like through that other person or through the relationship, but really it's all you and you and what you're projecting onto them and what assumptions you're making and what they're triggering in you and what they're not. It's all, yeah, I think that's a really wild realization when you start to wrap your head around it. We could chew on that for hours and I could chew on you for hours, Matt. Well, I'm loving this so much and I'm so glad we had the chance to connect and I'd love to

continue this some time. And I think what's interesting is that, and a lot of people I've worked with go, okay, I get that, the reflection, the relationship, but how do I change the dynamic? I think a lot of people, I'm sure you've seen this, are aware of it, but don't know how to change it. And so that's why I wrote this book, All for Love, because it's the transformative power of holding space, I fully believe, that will give us a chance to actually change the way we interact with ourselves, with our families, with our partners, and start to actually experience a meaningfulness that has nothing to do with getting egos to do the same dance moves.

Right. And there's no real agenda other than love and presence. And that's a beautiful place to live from. So thank you, thank you, thank you for writing the book, for all the work you do in the world. Definitely, All for Love is the name of the book. Definitely pick it up. It is available right now. And if they want to find out more about you, Matt, what's the best way to do that? They can go to mattkahn.org. And that's my website with a list of upcoming events. And also, when you go to the book page and click on All for Love, you can pre-order the

book and it gives you instant access to a free documentary I made called Healed by Love and also attend a live event with me for free. and to really deepen this holding space process so that we could really all start to really live the light and truth that we are. Amen. May we all do that. Thank you.

Thank you for joining us. And you weigh in here. If you have questions or comments about this episode or any, I always love to hear from you because we are all in this together learning to love. Be loved better on the language of love. Thanks, guys. I went to the doctor, said I'm crazy for your love.

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