Language of Love with Dr. Laura Berman - Embracing Sacred Ceremony with Cynthia Ruiz

Episode Date: July 3, 2024

We can add so much to our existence in this modern world by tapping into the ancient traditions that have so much to teach us.  When it comes to grief and loss, rituals can provide opportunities for profound healing, connection and community.  Cynthia Ruiz, a professor, bestselling author, executive coach, and leadership expert joins us in this Language of Love Conversation to explore the transformative power of sacred ceremonies and rituals in today's busy world. Her latest book, “Sacred Ceremony and Rituals for Today's World,” is a cornerstone for our discussion. Drawing from her Cherokee heritage, Cynthia illuminates the purpose and practice of sacred ceremonies, a cornerstone of human experience across cultures and time. These rituals, she explains, are not just relics of the past but vital tools for personal growth and healing in our contemporary lives. Here is what we unravel: Importance of self-protection rituals and protecting one's energy Significance of rituals and ceremonies in Native American culture The importance of incorporating sacred ceremony into everyday life Elements involved in creating a sacred ceremony Use of the four elements - fire, water, earth, and air - for release and cleansing Letting go of toxic relationships and making room for positive energy Cynthia's wisdom is readily accessible in her book “Sacred Ceremony and Rituals for Today's World,” You can also connect with her on LinkedIn, Facebook, or Website. Visit my website to explore courses designed to enhance your relationships. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, I'm sex, love, and relationship therapist, Dr. Laura Berman. And for the past 30 years, I've been helping people just like you learn to love and be loved better. Here on the Language of Love Conversations, I'm talking to some of the world's most influential and revolutionary experts, thought leaders, spiritual teachers, and celebrities about love, sex, and relationships from a mind, body, and spirit perspective. And that way, my goal is to awaken your mind, body, and soul. It's time to become fluent in the language of love.

Cynthia Ruiz is a professor, bestselling author, executive coach, personal development speaker, and leadership expert. She comes from blended cultures, Latina and Native American. And she actually received the Cherokee Nation Community Leader of the Year Award for her service to her tribe. She's also received the Cherokee Phoenix Seven Feathers Award, not to mention the Los Angeles Business Journal gave her the Mentor of the Year Award in 2022. She is sharing some of her native wisdom for everyday life in a beautiful new book called Sacred Ceremony and Rituals for Today's World.

If you're someone who's wanting to bring more sacredness into your everyday life, who's feeling intrigued with entering into a deeper spiritual connection with yourself and the world around you, you're going to really enjoy this conversation with Cynthia Ruiz. Cynthia Ruiz, I am so, I want to say Ruiz, I am so, so grateful that you're joining us on the Language of Love. Well, Dr. Berman, I just want to say it's an honor to be here. On behalf of all women, I want to thank you and express my gratitude to you for all the amazing work you do on so many different levels. So thank you. Oh, that's so kind. I've never been thanked at the top of my podcast before. That's so nice. Thank you. I will accept that and receive that. Thank you. And I have such appreciation for you. Cynthia and I met, we've met a couple of times briefly at meetings, but we've had, we had more of a chance to talk when we sat together next to each other at a meal at a conference recently. And I learned a lot about what you've been up to and wanted to interview you in particular about your latest book, Sacred Ceremony and Rituals for Today's World, because the world is freaking crazy right now. And I know for myself that one of the things that always grounds me and helps me feel a sense of peace and clarity and what feels like an insane and crazy and rapidly changing and unhinged world is ritual or prayer or ceremony. like incorporating that into my day-to-day life is such a huge part of what grounds me and helps me kind of tap in and tune in to the support that we all need to feel right now, I think more than

ever. So it's not just like when we're going through hard times, that's usually when we turn to these things and at least in our typical Western American culture. But what I love and And what I think we're just being, as a community and a culture, being called to do is to come back before industrialization and capitalism and all of the ins and outs of the government and systematizing everything. When we lived in tribes and villages, ritual was part of our daily life. It was just embedded. It was woven into the daily life, and it's been lost.

So I'm so excited to dive into this. And I wanted to just kind of start, I know you've shared different aspects of your life in different books that you've written, but in this latest one, I thought it was really beautiful how you were sharing some of your history. And so your mom was Cherokee, and I guess you'd gone to some powwows with her when you were younger, and those were always really beautiful to you. but you talked about how you were kind of spiritually seeking at a certain point in your young adult or adult life. And that brought you to the Agape Center and on a, you know, kind

of what many of us do start exploring. And then you went to a powwow and you met, I'm blanking on Ernest. What was his name? The chief and his wife. So Ernest Frost. Ernest Frost. Yes. And that it seemed like, at least I'm sure it's more complex than what I'm describing, but that that was a big turning point for you and what ultimately led you to the journey of really reclaiming ritual in this way that we're going to get into. Absolutely. And so for me, as you noted, I'm dual culture. So on my father's side, I'm Latina. My grandparents came to Los Angeles over 100 years ago. And then on my mom's side, we're native. Cherokees are the largest tribe in the United States. We have over 460,000 citizens. We're headquartered out of Tahlequah.

And so really, as a community, as a tribe, we are just now reconnecting with our spiritual practices, Because from the early 1900s to the 1970s in Oklahoma, where we're headquartered, it was illegal to practice ceremony. People actually went to jail for participating in our ceremony, which was called the stomp dance. So, you know, our culture and our spirituality and our language had been stripped away from us, taken away from us. So we're just now seeing a renaissance of spirituality within the Cherokee culture. That's so terrible, but also just so, and let's say also so beautiful that it's finally being reclaimed. And I know you've been a big part of that and that that is really important for you. I'm wondering if you can share, I love the story. I thought it was so beautiful that you share in the book about on this journey to kind of reclaim this part of your heritage and step into the spiritual practices of your heritage and the ritual practices that you really felt called to

receive your Cherokee name. Can you share that journey of how you received that? Yeah. And I am spiritual, not religious. I've been spiritual for many, many years. And in the Cherokee culture, we were a matriarchal society. So mothers and grandmothers play a very strong role. And they play a role in actually getting your Cherokee name. Well, at the point where I was seeking my name, my grandmother had already made her transition. My aunts had what we call walked on. And then my mom had dementia. So I was like, oh my God, how am I going to do this? So I had the good fortune of connecting with a gentleman named Ernie Frost, who is a Cherokee Red Fire priest.

And he said, I'll help you. So I got all excited. I'm like, okay, I'm going to get my Cherokee name. I said, okay, what is it? He goes, patience, patience. And I'm like, what? And so it actually was a process that took several years. And he lived in Tucson, Arizona, out in the desert.

And so I finally got invited to his place for ceremony. And what he did in a dream state, he connected to his grandmother, who in turn connected to my grandmother. In Cherokee culture, we don't have a word for goodbye, because we believe that your spirit lives on and will connect again. And so he connected to my grandmother, and I went up into the mountains, and we had this beautiful ceremony. And when he said my name, my Cherokee name is Lion Mother, I just started crying because it touched my spirit. Wow. And Lion Mother is a very symbolic name because mothers play such a big role in Cherokee. And then the lion, or in my case, lioness, the lioness sits on the rock and watches the community.

So ever since I have gotten my Cherokee name, I have a sense of responsibility and duty to my community, my Cherokee community. So in the city of Los Angeles, I'm actually the chair of Cherokees of Los Angeles, which is an affiliate of Cherokee Nation. So I feel the sense of urgency to help recapture our culture, our spirituality, and our language. beautiful and i know that you have full moon ceremonies want you to or different kinds of ceremonies once a month and that you're you've done a ton of stuff around the community building and you really have been living that role of the mama lion like overlooking the pride and watching over and and guiding and protecting them i think that's so beautiful and it read is such a beautiful rite of passage. I really could feel that as I read your words. I've been to demonstrations,

like when I've been to Arizona and things and met and been able to visit, more as a tourist, obviously, not with anyone who guided me and behind the scenes. But I did have an opportunity, and I was thinking about this as I was reading, we're going to get into because what I'm hoping my peeps take away not only just a deep appreciation of your heritage and the Cherokee nation and the amazing legacy you come from and awareness of that. That's a big piece of this. But another big piece that is always up for me on this podcast and in everything I do is like, how do we apply this to our lives? And so that's one of the things I love about the book is because we're going to get into this in a second about what is a sacred ceremony? How do you create one?

What are the roles? What are the steps? How can you do this in your non-native life as a white, maybe even Judeo-Christian American? Anyone can incorporate sacred ceremony into their life in a beautiful way. I had an experience, and I, like you, am not religious, never have been, and deeply spiritual. I was invited through a random series of events by a woman who was not a Native American, but had been ingratiated into the community and given the gift of being a sacred ceremony leader. And she invited me and a couple of my girlfriends. We were in Ojai visiting and we kind of randomly met this woman and started talking to her and she invited us to a sweat lodge. And I had been at sweat lodges in the spa sense, the pseudo sweat lodges that people do. But I had never been to like the real deal sweat lodge. And I didn't know what to expect. And it was rough. I mean, whoa, and intense and hours long and so amazing. but I was trying to just be really, I wasn't asking a lot of questions, even though I had a million and I was just kind of like going with an interest, being fully present and in reverence of the sacred thing that was happening. And as I was reading about the steps and the pieces of

the sacred ceremony, I was like, oh, that woman was the fire star. Oh, okay. Feeder, you know, feeding. Oh, that's why I like, I suddenly put all the pieces together for me. And I was like, oh, this actually was, I was like an intentional, I can see all the pieces and why. And it was really informative for me because I got a lot of my questions that I had, and this was years ago, but I got a lot of them answered. So yeah, that's just an aside, but. Well, first of all, Dr. Berman, you said you randomly met someone. Yeah, I didn't really. That thing's random, right? I mean, you were open to it, open to receive that experience.

ends. So that's why it came to you. Yes, that's a good correction. There's nothing random and no coincidences. And I certainly feel that in my life. And I also felt at the time, I mean, I didn't realize how much it was for me. This is always a silly thing I do to myself. I'm always thinking, oh, this is for this person. And then I realized much later, oh, shit, that was for me too. But one of my girlfriends was going through a really, really, really tough extrication from what was essentially a really emotionally abusive relationship. And she had so much trauma in her history that she hadn't like fully dealt with. And the act of being, there was this one point in the sweat lodge where the woman that was leading it was chanting and it was boiling,

boiling, boiling, suffocatingly hot, you know, and they closed the flap and the whole thing. And so you're in there and she just started freaking out. And she started climbing over me, my girlfriend, and trying to get out of the sweat lodge basically. And it's like a mud, for those of you who don't know, it's like a mud rounded hut kind of structure, low, low ceiling on the ground, very small. So you're sitting side by side, like six to eight of you, at least in our case. So my friend starts climbing over all these people to get out. And the woman who was leading it was closest to the door and she stopped her and said, are you sure you need to leave, come. And she took my friend into her lap and held her and rocked her as she chanted and

continued the ceremony. And basically it was like this amazing moment of watching her remother to a certain extent and bring in the divine mother into the hut, into the sweat lodge. And my friend immediately surrendered and stayed for the rest of the time. And it changed her entire life. So for a long time, I thought, oh, this was for her. But then I've realized that it was not so for me. Well, when you really look at spirituality, especially native spirituality, right now, we live in a crazy world, right? So much anxiety. So many people are challenged. But for us, it's really connecting with nature. Nature never lies. Nature is absolute. We know that every day the sun's going to come up and followed by the moon, there's going to be four seasons, you know,

so everything goes in nature is certain and absolute. So by connecting with that absoluteness and that certainty, that can really help you keep grounded and really clear your mind and not be so crazy in this crazy world. Yeah, bring you back to yourself. And I always say that like there's nothing, Mama Earth holds an energetic frequency that we all match. Like she never matches us. We match her. And so when you are spending time in her, you can help but match that beautiful high frequency so that's why it feels so good when you go for a walk or a hike or just forest bathe a little bit because you're matching her energy which never which remains constant it's never it never is susceptible to external forces in the same maybe on the surface

it is but the frequency isn't so i think that's another really beautiful part of and i was thinking about that as i was reading some of what you've written about that so let's get into like well first of all i mean we can guess at this point based on what we're talking about but let's just be clear what is the purpose as you would describe it of building for your average westerner for building sacred ceremony into your life so it really comes down to the reason the why is connection. So there is a larger energy source than all. Some people call it God. I use the term creator. I say universal consciousness. It really doesn't matter what term you use. So the purpose of ceremony is to have a connection with that larger energy source. And so when we start our

ceremony. It's a preparation that goes into it. As I'm preparing, I'm always praying. I'm always praying to the creator and the ancestors because, for me, it's important to stay connected to my ancestors because they guide my way. They guide my path. To answer that, the primary purpose of ceremony is connection. Yeah. Yeah. And I think that's, I mean, I find that absolutely true. I never thought of it that way. I thought of it more as like a survival mechanism and I wouldn't happen and tune in, you know, but yeah, that feels really true to me. So, so in the preparation, you're praying for what? Are you asking for guidance for the ceremony itself? Are you asking around the purpose of the ceremony? I know there's a whole, and maybe we

should get into because there's so many examples you give of reasons that could call for a ceremony or prayer even, which can be one in the same, right? So let's talk about those, the occasions in our Western worlds, certainly the new moon, the full moon, that kind of stuff, but just even the different milestones and the different moments in our lives where we've separated from ceremony in our Western world, and we can bring that back. So we, and I say we because my best friend who's a shaman, we have done ceremony pretty much around any life experience, from weddings to childbirths to somebody purchasing a new home.

it's really, again, prayer to me is talking to the creator, talking to God. Meditation is listening. So when I'm praying, I'm talking to the creator. So in preparation for ceremony, I'm talking to the creator saying, creator, allow everybody that shows up to the ceremony to come in with an open mind and an open heart. Make sure that any negativity is left behind. And most importantly, have everybody come, leave their ego at the door and come in in community so we can support each other. So I'm praying, I'm setting intentions and really kind of creating that sacred space for whoever comes to the ceremony to be able to get a positive experience that they can carry with them. And so what are some of the, yeah, and by the way, I mean,

I was, there's so many examples. It's moving to a home, selling a home, having a baby, getting divorced, getting married, having an anniversary, you know, all of these moments in our lives that, and for the most part, I mean, maybe we throw a birthday party or an anniversary party every few decades or whatever, but there's so many smaller moments than that that are sacred if we let them. We just gloss over them. I think that's really beautiful too. The different roles, let's talk about that. I think what you're talking about in terms of setting up with the prayers and the intentions is kind of the ceremony leader would do that, right? He or she or they who is leading the ceremony. A, what are the other roles? B,

do we need to have separate people do all those roles? Like I want to also get into whether we can just do a ceremony by ourselves. I mean, obviously it's much more powerful and beautiful when it's in community, but some of us are still trying to call our people in. So let's talk about that. You absolutely can do it by yourself because again, it's all about prayer and intention, right? So in our ceremonies, which are usually in community, we use the four sacred elements. The number four is sacred in native culture. There's four seasons, four elements. We pray in the four directions, east, south, west, and north. So four is a big number. So when we talk about the four elements, the four elements are earth, wind, fire, and water. I like to use fire

in ceremony. Fire is very important. Now, what do I use fire for? Well, I have a fire pit in my backyard. And I use it for release work because all of us have, you know, we accumulate stuff, emotions, experiences, people. And so we have to release. We don't have to. I recommend release because I like to say our lives are like circles. Only so much fits into that circle. So if you go into a new season, let's say we're doing full moon ceremony. As we go into the next cycle, the moon cycle, we want to release what we don't want to take with us into the next cycle. So we use a fire to actually, people write down what they want to release and throw it into the fire. We use little twigs, we throw it into the fire. It's a representation of release work.

And once we release and create space, then we set intentions for what we want to bring in. And let me say, when we pray in ceremony, we don't just pray for ourselves. We pray for the world. We pray for world peace. We pray for more love. We pray for the leadership of not only this country, but all over the world that they act from a place of compassion and love and humanity. Most of us have no idea how to move through loss.

There's no roadmap to follow when you're trying to navigate grief. And I realized this when I lost my son three years ago. As a therapist who understood grief, a whole new level of pain opened up to me when I lost my 16-year-old son. And since then, I have been building resources that have allowed me to navigate through loss, not only in a healthy way,

but in a way that has transformed me for the better. We can move through the most terrible loss with grace. And that's why I have created the course, Good Grief, Healing from Loss with Love. You can find it on my website, drlauraberman.com, right there on the homepage, as well as free resources letting you know how to support others who are going through loss. None of us has to do this alone. Yeah, I love that. And it's reminding me, you know, I think it's just, it makes me kind of get choked up because

because the fire, releasing into the fire, first of all, I'm sure that's been there from the beginning of time, but it certainly is inherent to the Native culture, to the Native American culture. And I wasn't even thinking about that recently, which is why I got a little choked up, that piece of it. But when we did our retreat, we just came back a month ago, well, a few weeks ago at this point from my first ever grieving mama retreat. We had 66 mamas in Redwoods, and it was a profoundly healing experience for them and for me because it was really a full circle moment bringing them back to the place where I first went to heal or to begin healing. And I just naturally throughout this whole journey and throughout my whole spiritual life

have continually thought in terms of like, what can I let go of? What can I release? Let me get this out of me. Let me let this go. You know, that kind of stuff. So, and whether it's somatic movement as a release or ceremonies release, whatever it is. So I was working that into the whole experience for them. And on the final night, we led them through a ceremony where they wrote down what there was another ceremony where they created these art pieces where of what they wanted to take with them, what did they, what they wanted to carry forward with them. And we had a lot of conversation about that. But then we had a fire thing where they wrote down what they wanted to release and put it in the fire. And I wasn't even thinking like, oh, I am borrowing this.

We all have access to the knowledge, right? So with the four elements, to me, fire is the most important. But you can also use water to do release. So in the morning time, when you're taking your shower, release what doesn't work for you. Maybe it's a memory of what happened the day before. Maybe it's an emotion. Because as you know, Dr. Berman, emotions have energy that gets stuck in our body, right? So Cherokees, what we used to do in the old days is they would go to the streams and go in the stream every morning and cleanse themselves and let the water take away what no longer works. So water is a good element. Fire is a good element. Earth is another element. So if you don't live in a place where you're near the

water, you can actually write down this stuff and go bury it in your backyard because mother earth will mulch it and take away whatever no longer works for you. Yeah, that's beautiful. And I love these ideas because you don't have to create a whole hour-long ceremony with a whole group of people. It doesn't have to be a big extravaganza. You can just work these elements in to your everyday life as kind of mini ceremonies, mini rituals that roll throughout your day. I mean, even before we started recording, I did it in front of Cynthia. Normally, I do it before I come on with my guest, but I wasn't even thinking about, yeah, this is about accessing. I just do it naturally where I say a prayer.

I ground myself in my body and I say a prayer calling in not only my angels and guides and holy oneness, which is my word for spirit, but I also call in my ancestors. And I always make a special mention to Sammy because he doesn't feel like my ancestor, but he's in the mix for sure. and I call on them to surround me and to assist me in serving for the highest good and creating a communication that serves everyone. And then I kind of plug in to my diamond chakra,

my ears pop and I'm done. And it's like this two minute thing that I just automatically do every time I'm about to go on stage, every time I'm about to do an interview, like whenever it is. But I never really thought of it in the way you're describing it,

but I guess that's what I'm doing. Right. And it's so funny because I do the same thing. And so in our Cherokee culture, leaders are taught to remember seven generations in the past and consider seven generations in the future. So what does that mean to me? Seven generations in the past are my ancestors. So I always make an effort to connect with my ancestors before I do anything like it, before I speak publicly or go on a show or whatever I do, because I know that they have the wisdom. I feel like I am just a humble servant in a vehicle for the knowledge of my ancestors to work through me. And the reason I'm such a big environmentalist is the seven generations in the

future, we need to make sure that this earth is here for future generations, our grandchildren's children, the earth is really what sustains all of our lives. Amen. Yeah, that's true. And I never have heard that before, but God bless that. I wish every leader was thinking seven generations and not just about the next freaking election. If they could think seven generations back, all that we've learned from that and all that's happened and all that has to teach us in seven generations in the future, how this decision is going to impact and ripple through, boy, I bet the world would be an extremely different place. And the other thing about what I'm excited about in the world right now is we see more

women leaders stepping up because women leadership is a little bit different than male leadership, and I'm not putting any judgment on that, but women tend to lead from community, from compassion. And the reason I'm saying this, because I teach leadership at a graduate level, so I am a leadership expert. And then the men teach more, come from a place of individualism and transactional. Yes. I'm excited as we see so many women coming into their power and taking their place in this world. And I feel like that's giving the world just a different place. I know it's hard to look at that because we see so much negativity on the news, but the women are rising. You know, Dr. Like yourself, you're rising and you're spreading love and compassion to so many

and you're changing lives as we all are. Yes, we all are in all sorts of ways. So you guys, I mentioned the book, the most recent book that Cynthia has written, Sacred Ceremony and Rituals for today's world. You wrote it with your friend who is a shaman, right? She's, but there are so many, I mean, there's a whole pages and pages of like, if you want to have a ceremony, there are actual scripts that you can follow and prayers you can say if you want to and how to make a sacred, is it a sacred bath? Is that what it's called with the flowers and the water or how to set up the fire or all the different pieces, all the different roles, all the steps. So if you wanted to, because I think a lot of people want to, even I, when there was the huge

eclipse or the big pink harvest moon, I was like, I don't know what to do, but I'm just going to go out in the yard and make sure I put all my crystals out in the moonlight. And I'm going to write down what I want to release and burn it because that's my favorite thing to do. I didn't know. And then I'm going to just pray and open my heart and just let go of everything which no longer serves and set my intentions for what I want to create. And I'm just going to wing it. But I would have loved to call all my friends together who would be into it and be like, let's have this. But I wouldn't know how to do it. Now I have a little guidebook that I can follow, which I think is so beautiful because for so many of us, especially those of us

who have such deep reverence and respect for the Native American culture, there's this, and I want to ask you about this, there's this, I don't know whether it's a political correct thing. For me, it's more of a like wanting to really honor the sacredness of it, of not appropriating the culture or the traditions or bastardizing them in some way. And so one of the things that I really loved about just how mainstream you wrote, you know, it's just intended for everyone, is that there was none of that energy. And there was like, yeah, here's how you do it. Here's what you do. Yes, you have our permission to have this recipe. So I wanted to ask you about that. Like, where is the line between cultural appropriation? I guess, I mean,

is it the intention with which you do it? Is it that we should, when people like me who don't have Native American heritage, would it be more grace-filled to take a moment of thanks to the culture from which this came? How do we honor your heritage while borrowing from it, is really my question. Well, first of all, thank you for that question. So what we do with all ceremonies is we start with a land acknowledgement. A land acknowledgement, acknowledging the first people in of the land now here in los angeles that's the gabardino tomba people in santa barbara that's a chumash so because my tribe is not from los angeles we're from oklahoma so we just want to i start off with respect yes and so as long as you're not calling it a native american

ceremony a lot of these are very it can be as simple as getting a pen a paper a white candle write it down, and use a white candle to burn it to release. That's very simple. To a more complicated, complex ceremony where you have a lot of people and you have different players, we actually have what's called a fire keeper that keeps the fire going, the sacred fire. When we start ceremony, our elder, she clears the energy, and then we use sage or Palo Santo to really clear everybody's energy that's participating. So that's a little bit more advanced, but you can keep it simple. And like you said, it's all about intention.

Keep your intentions pure, but don't go around and saying, oh, I'm doing a Cherokee ceremony if you're not Cherokee, because that's not. And then for us, like when we do traditional ceremonies, we cannot take pictures. There's no recording or anything allowed because that is considered a sacred space. Right. So it really, you know, it could be simple. We don't have to complicate it. It just, there's no right or wrong way. It's what works for you. And as long as you're connecting to the higher power, spirit, energy source, creator, whatever, with pure intentions and loving your heart and releasing what no longer works, then it's all good. Yeah. Amen. So there's so much we can get into, and we only have a limited amount of time, but I do want to ask you, we talked a little bit about the rituals, about ceremony, about prayer,

about meditation, but you mentioned a couple of rituals in particular in the book, one which I feel is really needed right now, or at least I feel like I speak for my little collective here because I hear from them all the time, but I don't speak necessarily for the entire collective, obviously, but I love the self-protection prayer or ritual that you describe in the book because I feel like so many of us, especially today, have been coming to the world of the past generation so empathetic, so feeling everything and everyone and or in situations where a lot of crazy shit is being thrown at us. So at least the way I read it, it's very straightforward and simple, but feels very powerful to me. So I was wondering if you would share the self-protection ritual.

Absolutely. Well, I believe that we're all energy. So it's very important that we protect our energy, especially when we go out into large crowds. So what I personally do is I look up to the sun and pull down the energy of the sun around me and really just ask for protection. I put a little protective bubble around me, kind of what they did in Black Panther, how they did it over the whole city. I do it over myself because I want to make sure that there's no negative energy that gets into my little bubble. And the reality is we all know that there's a duality in everything, You know, the opposite of good is bad and love and hate. And so I keep my energy light.

I keep my energy pure as much as I can. So it's about acknowledging and protecting ourselves from other negative energy. And like I said, you can use sage. It really depends on, you can get that at any of like the spiritual bookstores. I have sage around me. Palo Santo is something that's used in Peru. For Cherokees, we actually use cedar and sweetgrass. And it's kind of just burning and really setting the intention to keep our energies pure. Because what happens is so many times that, especially with women, we're givers. We give, give, give,

and then we forget the self-care piece. It's really important to practice self-care and wellness and protection for yourself as you go out into this crazy world and cleansing. So when you use the, I know you clear the space before a ritual or a ceremony, but when you're talking about clearing energy, I mean, I always sage or Palo Santo every corner of a house when I move into it and, or when a ton of people have been over or something. And I always sage my friends if they need it. I like to sage their genitals. I'm like, spread your legs. We got to get up in there. I mean, I don't literally do it, but they're clothed, but that's always a place. Maybe that's a sex therapist in me. You'll have to tell me whether Native American culture, there's any

saging of wombs. The other good thing I wanted to mention is that nowadays you actually can have the sage and palo santo and a spray format ah so you don't have the smoke right because a lot of if you live in an apartment you don't want to activate your smoke alarm or something yeah you know so you can you can that's good my husband hates the smell of it and is always complaining so i'll get this right but i know that but what i was going to ask is do you do that when you've been somewhere to clear the energy off you or do you do it in anticipation or both maybe i do it both. And I actually sage my entire house on a regular basis, usually by seasons, like as a new season's coming, that's how I prepare. And then I know my neighbors probably think I'm crazy because

I actually go and sage the entire perimeter of my house. Wow. Okay. And you're like with other people, you're in a complex, I guess. So you're saging it for the whole neighborhood. Well, so I have a home and it has a large lot. So I go around. Oh, so your neighbors see you. I thought you meant like your neighbors in the apartment building are like, why is she going around our apartment? Okay. I got you. It's interesting because I pull a bubble around me too. And I love, I've never thought to pull it from the sun. I think that's really beautiful. It makes a lot of sense. I like to think of it as like a filter, like only what I want to come through the filter can come through and only what I want to release,

in this little bubble is only the highest frequency of love. And it's a really beautiful way to move through big energies around you. Well, I mean, it's one thing as a filter, but the reason I do like an actual bubble is because if there is any negativity that's thrown my way, then it kind of bounces off and it's returned to whoever sent it. Yeah. Yeah. Rubber and glue. It's not me, it sticks to you. Right? It's a ritual version of that. Well, these are such beautiful ideas and to me feel so easy to incorporate into your day-to-day life. And we're just touching the surface, guys. There's so many examples and ideas in there and

recipes and scripts and prayers, as I mentioned. Is there anything else? I mean, I'm going to ask you in a second to tell us where to find you or to learn more, but is there anything else you want to make sure that I didn't ask you that's important to touch on? No. And I just want to reiterate, don't get caught up in whether or not you're doing it right or wrong. It's as long as you do it the right way for you. And I'm also excited. So I've written a total of five different books. My very first book I wrote 12 years ago, it's called Finding Sane Relationships in a Crazy World. I'm actually getting ready to release my second edition to that. And it's really about, it's more like a workbook, helping you work through all your emotional baggage and incorporating

rituals and release work. Oh, beautiful. Be happier and healthier and live a full, amazing life that we're put on this earth to do. I mean, yes, we have challenges, which I consider challenges lessons, but we're really meant to be loving, happy individuals that enjoy life. Yeah. And one more question you're reminding me of, I agree with you a hundred percent, but for so many of us, I'm really lucky to have a beautiful tribe of soul friends that I've intentionally cultivated over the years, but many of us do not have that. And so you have that too. And I'm wondering if you have any suggestions for people around how to find, because you even wrote about this in the book of when you were first seeking, like, who are my people? How do

I find a community? So I'm wondering if you can share some guidance for someone who is seeking their tribe of soul friends and wants to kind of have a group that they can do these kinds of things with and who are like-minded, what do you recommend? Well, like I said before, you got to clear some people out of the way. If there's people that are filled with drama and negativity, it's okay to let them go. And then you need to be open to bringing new people in your life. I like to say we're born with our blood family, but then we have a chosen family and I have my sisterhood. And it's a dynamic group. It's not like, okay, you're in the sisterhood and that's it. So people come and go, but just be open to experiences, find community. For me, I attend

Agape International Spiritual Center, many people through there. So connect with like-minded people, but first and foremost you have to be open you can't be closed yeah you have to stay open and i 100 agree that's really how i called my friends and i was open to it for sure but key was i needed to let some people go i needed to make room and that's hard and scary especially when you feel like you don't have you know how am i gonna let the ones i have go but if they're really toxic or drama filled or on a totally different frequency than you it is you don't to make them wrong or demonize them or have a whole evil breakup. I mean, sometimes that's necessary, but hopefully not. But you do need to release that, release the energy that you're

investing in that because that does definitely create space for more to come in. And it happens every single time. So I just think that's so beautiful. And if people want to find you, obviously they can check out your books. They're going to check out Sacred Ceremony and Rituals for Today's World. They're going to check out your new book when it comes out. But where do they find you? Is there a website? Follow you on social? And also, do you ever do events and ceremonies that other people can join in person or remotely? So my website is my name, Cynthia, C-Y-N-T-H-I-A. Am is my middle initial, Ruiz, R-U-I-Z, Cynthia M. Ruiz. All my books are on Amazon. I'm all over social media. I'm on Instagram, Cynthia and Ruiz, Facebook, LinkedIn,

all the great stuff. And I have to say up until this point, we have not made our ceremonies open to the public, but I'm getting so many requests. I may start doing them virtually, just not the ceremony itself, but like the how-to. But I love connecting with people. My mission statement in life is to be a beneficial presence on this planet. So connect on social media, visit my website. And I just want to say, Dr. Laura Berman, thank you so much for creating this awesome platform for people to connect. Yeah, beautiful. Thank you. Thank you so much. And yeah, I highly recommend checking her out. And just so you know, you have already accomplished your life mission. I mean, I'm sure you're going to continue to, but you are absolutely well beyond being a beneficial presence.

So I am so, so grateful for you and for your work. Thank you so much for joining us. But there's no cure for a cry