Language of Love with Dr. Laura Berman - Embracing Your Wild: Janne Robinson and the Secrets to a Liberated Life

Episode Date: November 10, 2021

On today’s episode of “The Language of Love,” Dr. Laura Berman sits down with Janne Robinson, a feminist beat poet, speaker, and visionary. The two women talk about life, love, trauma, open-heartedness, and finding ‘the one.’ How do you know when you have found your forever soulmate? And how do you know when you have found someone who is just here temporarily to help you deepen your journey and continue your soul-work?  They also delve into the idea of “you spot it, you got it” and how you can claim those parts of yourselves that might scare you or even trigger. How can you claim your ‘wild’ and embrace your shadow-self? Robinson explains that most of us constantly live in a state of conformity, always trying to blend in and achieve concrete milestones in order to prove our worth. Robinson also talks about the feelings of jealousy and inferiority that can plague us when we don’t feel as ‘enlightened’ or as ‘free’ as other people around us who are living consciously and seemingly fearlessly. She explains that the best way to get over that envy is to actually spend time with those we admire and wish to emulate, because it will help to draw out that energy and what we wish to create in our own lives. They also talk about body wisdom and how you can tap into your body’s innate needs and desires. How can movement and physical activity help us unlock our self-worth and intuition? How can you ‘be in the body’ even when you are dealing with deep grief and trauma, and are frightened to face those feelings buried within you. “If we must have milestones—mine will be measured by how much joy I have collected at the end of each day and how often in this life I have truly, deeply, opened,” writes Robinson. “Seek, see, love, do.” Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, I'm Dr. Laura Berman, a sex and relationship therapist. And for the past three decades, I've been helping people learn how to love and be loved better. That's what we're doing here on The Language of Love, where I get to answer calls and emails from people just like you. My goal with The Language of Love is to help you discover more meaningful emotional and physical intimacy, and to help you build more awareness of how precious and sacred your sexuality really is. Be sure to email me or reach out with your very own love-sex relationship

questions, and I might just answer them live on the air. It's time we all become fluent in the language of love. Welcome, everyone, to the language of love, and I am so excited to share this week's guest with you, Yana Robinson. Say hi, Yana. Hi. I kind of have a girl crush on you. I discovered her on Instagram probably two or three years ago. I wasn't long after I moved to L.A. from Chicago, and I have no idea how I stumbled upon your Instagram page. And the first thing that catches your attention is this is like hot, gorgeous surfer chick in these beautiful images so that obviously captures your attention but really what kept my attention because i don't really follow people for their looks is how badass she is right so yana you're a badass and and i

finally i followed i had so many bookmarks of your you know how you mark things on instagram because the way that she's a poet as well as a mentor and a coach and yana's new book is cobwebs on her vagina I am going to ask you why it's not in her vagina it's like over the entrance which I think is interesting when you when you think of cobwebs on her vagina versus in her vagina I kind of had a reaction to that so we are going to circle back to that because that's interesting um I mean I'm sure you thought that through right like it's a different thing when it's on the entrance versus like like one it's totally blocked like nothing even you haven't gone in there you know and the other it's like up in there I don't know I just see it as different

we'll get it we'll get into it but I appreciate the analyzing yes I analyze everything um but Yana is a beautiful writer and a very um passionate very passionate writer and write you write very openly and heartfelt and poetically obviously because you're a poet about your search for love about the journey of finding and connecting with your birth father about worth you know about so many things that affect every woman's life you know whether you're looking for your birth father or trying to heal the wounds of the father right we're all sort of trying to find that home inside ourself. And as I followed you as someone who's on a similar journey, both in my work in the world and on my internal work, I have so much love for the way that you claim your authenticity and your

imperfections and your anger and your pain and your vulnerability. And I think that is something that I feel passionate about. And so I really wanted to share you with my peeps, you know, anyone who doesn't follow you should and it's and we'll give all the details at the end but it's spelled j-a-n-n-e even though it's pronounced yana but yana robinson and the book like i said is there's cobwebs on her vagina but one of the reason and i don't know why i think maybe also i've been going through my own you know i talk about this a lot we don't have to get too far into it but i've been going through my own painful metamorphosis so I feel like in part I reached out to you just because I'm finally

coming up for air and being proactive about connecting with people that I really want to bring to this audience but what really what made me like actually reach out to you was a post and I want to talk about this a post that you made about sneaky leaky sexuality because this is so important and not something that's talked about so will you share your thoughts about sneaky leaky sexuality yes and also it's such a thank you for all the words of affirmation and resonance just sit here receiving being like yes my love language um really excited to be here with you i was just sharing uh with laura that this is also the highlight of my week so thanks for having me and uh yeah sneaky leakies just to break it down into a really concrete way and then we'll go

abstract sneaky leakies is a way of describing integrity so when i talk about what's leaky i'm often it's describing a context of integrity and relationship and i just coined sneaky leakies recently because i was i've been having conversations with different men i've dated the last few years around what we would consider flirting or what we would consider integrity and how we engage with members of the opposite sex. And I personally think it's all about the intention and the energetic behind it. And so I think we can look at someone in a way that is sneaky leaky and kind of a bit out of a bit fishy or like a bit out of integrity. Or we can look at somebody in a way that's totally integrity sound. And so I don't view being an integrity when I'm with

somebody as just not physically breaking a boundary of kissing or having an affair. I think that we have emotional affairs. I think that we energetically step out of choice with our partners when we are being leaky with our energy. And so I've been exploring that in a lot of ways. And I think that it requires a level of awareness over ourselves. It requires a level of awareness. And usually sneaky leaky show up when we're missing something in relationships. So when it's hard or not always, a lot of the times I just went through an experience where they were an avoidant attachment type and there was some presence and some availability missing.

And I was in a stretch of four or five days and just kind of going like, where's my person that I'm not present, very, very new, but just being like, I'm at sea right now alone and I met someone in a coffee shop that I know from the community who was so present with me and I observed the part of me that wasn't having my needs met want to come out and resource the presence and the availability and to engage with this person and it felt good because on some level my body knows what I mean isn't meeting my needs but it didn't it didn't feel good because I knew it wasn't a friendship space and so I reflected on that and then I actually I called and talked to that person and just said thank you so much for you know the other

day and I can't actually spend time with you because I'm dating someone and it's a little challenging and I noticed myself resourcing I just was you were honest yes yeah it's just like hey and then I went to the person I was dating and I was like here's what happened today yeah I'm I'm needing to connect a bit more I'm needing more presence I'm needing more availability it's like that's a way of handling like I think that it whether we are with somebody or not there will be sparkly objects sparkly people people will have resonance with whether and I call them messengers and Laura this is like I want to give you actually a different example too is like you don't have to fuck the messenger yeah but we think we think that the messenger is there because there maybe

are more it's a sign that we're supposed to be yeah and they're just here to shine a light or to wake something up in you or to call you to consciousness about something. Yeah. Totally. And so when I wasn't aware, this also happened. The first time this happened to me, I was about 22 and I was in a relationship for a year

and I was just starting to develop my relationship with my spirituality and depth and starting to do personal development. And I was really excited about that and enlivened by it. And my partner was this amazing man. He was an entrepreneur. He was so adventurous and kind, but he would literally fall asleep during conversations about spirituality. And I was missing that.

And I went on a trip to Vancouver. I'm Canadian. And I met this musician who is super deep. And we had this gorgeous, enriching four-hour conversation. And I remember coming home. Nothing happened physically, but emotionally, I've been like, whoa, what is this? I remember going home and sitting at a table with my roommate and a friend of mine who is a really amazing chef. And he looked at me and he said, he was the one who kind of introduced that it's a messenger.

You need to leave your relationship. And so I stopped talking to that guy and went to my relationship and went inside and cultivated with choice and presence. Does this exist? Can I cultivate it? Yes. Exactly. Because if we can't, sometimes it's a message that you're not in the right relationship. Really, you cannot, but I'm always willing to do the work.

And so, yeah, Sticky Leaky's is what is the integrity that we are holding of self and what is the integrity our partners are holding and how aware are they of their sexual energy? Because there's a very primal mate selection part of us that can just leak it. They can leak it everywhere. And I'll give you an example from my life, actually. I remember I was probably I've been married almost 20 years, but this was probably 10 years in. And I was on a business trip to New York from Chicago and I was alone and I was coming back from my meeting and the flights, you know, everybody's sitting in the area together and the flight was delayed and delayed and delayed.

And I started talking to this guy next to me who was really cute and really funny and really flirty. And, you know, I just had my second baby and I was not feeling very sexy or desirable. and he really made me feel that way. And we were flirting, not like, you know, just joking and that energy was there. And then we get on the plane finally and then they make us get off

because there are mechanical problems and they aren't gonna be able to make the flight out. So we all get off of the plane and he says, oh, why don't we go grab dinner? And my first instinct was like, sure. And we get outside and I started thinking, oh shit, like I cannot I cannot do this so I just said you know what I really am just I'm gonna call in a night I you know I didn't say I wasn't authentic with him although in retrospect listening to you

I probably should have been but I just was like listen I'm gonna go see my friend I'm really tired and I was plagued by that and I really processed it and I got home to Chicago and I was talking to my husband and I said, listen, I just have to tell you something. I didn't tell him the details, but I said, I am noticing that I am aware of other men in a way that I really haven't been, and that I'm wanting to flirt with them and that I'm wanting them to flirt with me. And so I'm now very clear that this is something that's missing. And so I'm wondering, you know, whether I can invite you. I want to be more flirtatious with you. I'll take my hundred 100%. But I am wondering whether you'd be willing to flirt with me more because I'm noticing that

I'm being called to other men. And that's all I had to say. And he immediately was like, okay, and jumped on board. So that guy was a messenger. But my first thought was like, holy shit, am I not happy in my marriage? Why can't I stop thinking about this guy? And it was that he was sparking an awareness in me of something that was missing, which is exactly what you're saying. But I also want to ask, because we're talking about sort of integrity and relationship and the sneaky, leaky kind of emotional affair, even the continuum before emotional affair, where you're just kind of putting your energy out there or exchanging energetically, even online. It doesn't even have to be on. I mean, listen, social media is like sneaky, leaky sexuality on steroids. but but I do want to ask you about this because I see this so much in women in particular younger

women and I want to know your opinion because to me it's a form of sneaky leaky sexuality that is totally unconscious but the way in which these girls even it's not conscious but it's like they're unconsciously aware that their sexuality is an attractant of likes, followers, positive feedback, which they unfortunately translate as worth, which is a whole other conversation. But would you say that's another kind of form? They're not in a relationship necessarily, but they are sexualizing themselves with the intention of capturing sexual energy from people in the form of likes and followers and whatever else. I just had this conversation on such a shaping scale

of like, where does that come from? I think that we often look at an individual rather than the shaping of family, society, patriarchy. Like, where is it coming from? And what I am really curious about is, i think that so much of the way as women that we have evolved is that we had no worth we literally belong to men as purses and then our worth is being an object um and what we look like and i'm reading this book called the art of loving by eric from another book called choose her every

day or leave her and it's interesting looking at how we value how we date how we interact with one other. What we see is value. And I think that women haven't fully been given permission or given themselves permission to explore and develop their value in the multifaceted other parts of themselves, their hearts, their spirits and who they are. And because there has, I believe men have been hit hundreds of thousands of times with a woman's body as a sexual object, selling a car everything as women we've been hit a hundred thousand times by the beauty industry and cinderella get a makeover get the man that i think so much of it i would like to give women the benefit of the doubt here i and who knows i think so much of it is an unconscious programming

yes not even for attention i wrote a post about this it's not even for attention because a man in my life was like they just want attention i'm like no women are looking attention is connection yeah and when I think about connection I think about belonging yeah and validation and and if we're seeking belonging you know it's like how how we've failed both men and women and a large part of that is we have sexualized the woman bought woman's bodies and we have taught women that their worth is their body and so I think that both men and women are showing up in a way that's really failing the essence of true connection so I think that and I can't speak for everyone because maybe some women are like hey I remember I was dating somebody a long time ago and

they made a comment randomly if you should post more pictures of your body because that'll get me and I turned my head yeah like I turned and said did you hear what just came out of your mouth yeah and he said oh shit yeah but he's right and that's in the culture and I don't think it's conscious like I wouldn't even say it's sneaky it's more leaky I guess and the thing that disturbs me because I've seen this with my niece. I see this with my, you know, I only have boys, but I've seen this with their female friends. Like it's the three pictures in the bikini. First, the picture on the beach of her lying there, then of her standing. And then the third swipe is the over the shoulder ass picture. Like every single one of them, that is the formula. And I get so

uncomfortable when I see especially you know 14 year olds doing this and yet I know that that's just what you do and so you know this is a larger conversation as you're saying of changing the culture and and you know maybe we need to do like a course for young women on really cultivating their other powers besides the sexual one which is like the lowest hanging fruit you know like that's like the no brainer, easy peasy, show your ass, get a few likes, whatever. But there's so much more to be explored. And speaking of that, I want to ask you about exploring, you know, your wild. You talk about not being afraid of your wilds. And I just want to write, this was something you wrote about. I wrote it down because I wanted to just speak some of your words back to

you. But this is when you were talking about your dad, your father, your birth father, who you found later in life and have really forged a relationship with. And you said, when people turn away from him, meaning your father, who's fully in his wild, is what you were saying, what they're really turning away from is their deep longing and desire to be all they are out loud. They're turning away because it's too painful to see someone comfortable with the uncomfortable, the uncomfortable, abnormal parts pulsing inside them. And, you know, I think that's true across the board when we spot it and judge it we typically got it right we don't want to be with that part of ourselves so we make it wrong and when we see it in someone else but can you

speak to that a little bit doesn't even necessarily have to be about your dad because i know that you embrace your own you know inner wild too and i think for women especially and it relates to what we were just talking about with claiming those other parts of yourself and cultivating those rather than just the external talk about your thoughts about claiming and not being afraid of you're wild. Thank you for appreciating that line. I felt that when I wrote it. And that's in the memoir I'm writing about finding my father. It's actually a blurb from my book. Oh, great. Belonging. And yeah, so thank you. I think many of us unconsciously are conforming constantly in a survival and a safety state and very afraid of showing all of our parts in case

we get rejected and then we think that rejected will be ostracization which will be death for some lizard part of our brain and for our baby parts probably because we weren't allowed to be fully ourselves and still be approved of you know totally and so when i think about embracing our wild i think it's about embracing all of who we are and i actually want to give an example of what to do when you maybe feel jealous or insecure in a really concrete way um which is many many years ago when I lived in Edmonton Alberta and was practicing yoga at a studio there that I really love this I remember one morning this woman just like gliding in and she was beautiful but she was confident and she had a cup of coffee in her hand in a home mug. And she lofted into the room with

this love and presence and everything inside of me shrunk. And I went into this deep comparison of why am I not that goddess? And I ended up being in a personal development five-day intensive program with her and her husband. And I knew her husband from the community. And I, there was a moment where we got to have shares. And I stood up and told her how insecure and how jealous I had felt and how small I'd felt in that, in the mightiness of her presence. And she stood up and said that when she had first met me, she felt insecure and jealous. And then the facilitator turned to us ran woodchats who I love and just said well it's a mirror of your part the best way to overcome jealousy or insecurity is if there's resonance with the other person to hang out with

them be friends with them because being in the presence of that will draw out that you are seeing that is also inside of you that you haven't stood in and so I always whenever I feel that smallness happen of like oh this girl's too badass to be my friend or any kind of shrinky smallness it's always an invitation of where is my bigness inside that is asking to come forward and so I think that wild is a metaphor for the authenticity because as you as you probably know our playful fun wild parts do not come out unless there is safety and security in relationship the silliest I am are in my primary like I know they've got my part you know and so I think that also we can't access our wild unless we feel safe within ourselves and safe within relationships as

well yeah and sometimes it just means expressing your wilds alone you know dancing like crazy in the closet like whatever it is but I do love the idea because I never thought about it before But I naturally do the same thing. I don't, I guess when I was much, much younger, you know, in my teens and early 20s, I probably would shrink in the presence of a woman who I thought was somehow better than me, more beautiful, more graceful, more lovable, more powerful, you know, fill in the blank. but I would say for most of my adult life and I even did it with you like anytime I see a woman who I'm like oh she's a badass or oh she's so smart or oh she's so gorgeous you know whatever it is I want some of what she's having I want to I want to be in her presence and I think that happens only when you start to claim your own yumminess like I think that that it's hard for people to do, not only to claim their own wildness, but to, I love the idea because I do find it

amazingly powerful to be in the presence of people, you know, and any business leader or teacher will say this, you know, you want, if you want to be a millionaire, hang around millionaires, you know, if you want to be a whatever, hang around those people. And I think there's some truth to that because you learn a lot, but you're also, that energy is infectious. You know, you align with that frequency but i guess you have to be because i know a lot of people don't do that and the reason they don't do that is because they make up those stories like oh they either make that person bad like you could have said about that woman that came to the oh she's probably a snob and a bitch and whatever else you know and made her wrong or bad in your smallness right you could have done

that or you could have said oh she's so beautiful and wonderful and not stood up and spoken in class and just said she would never be friends with me and not reached out to her. But because you were willing to claim your own greatness and you were stepping into it, you know, in that course or in that workshop or in wherever we do that, I think that's what opens the door

to not only connecting with that person, but claiming it for ourselves, don't you think? Yes, completely agree. And I think it's important to notice the level of friendships. And I met two women in the community about a year ago and I hung out with them And I was bouncing off the wall with so much energy.

And I was like, holy shit, where did this come from? Because there was so much resonance and they're just big humans creating big impact. And I had this feeling of, wow, these are the friends that I want that I don't have yet. And I actually sourced them both out recently and said, I want to cultivate weekly relationships where I live my life with a very select few people. I don't want to just catch people up on life and you're one of like I'm choosing you you're one of my people you want to have a weekly visit and both of them echo the same sentiments of that initial resonance and peace and paying attention and not being afraid I think the Gottman's called an

emotional bid when we go we go first and put our little vulnerable parts out and just I want to be your friend yeah and that intentionality is beautiful and it's it's interesting because some of the most brilliant artists, humans out there, are the most lonely. New from Nespresso. Blend wellness into your coffee routine with the Coffee Plus range, infused with functional benefits. Choose the coffee you love with added B vitamins, like Coffee Plus B12 to help support immune function and Coffee Plus B6 to keep your day moving. Or go with the flow and choose Ginseng Delight, our new double espresso with ginseng extract whatever lies ahead don't change your morning let your morning change you discover

coffee plus on nespresso.com and so it's interesting that we think like oh they already have friends yeah they wouldn't want me yeah no that's not i haven't found that to be true at all and i am very brazen when i'm attracted to someone energetically and i do think that as we you know i write about this all the time and it's the whole quantum love thing but i do think that as we continue to heal. And this has especially been true since everybody's had such a coming to Jesus year and a half during COVID, you know, where we've had to face so many things, each of us in our own universes and shed a lot of things, many of us, that as we raise our frequency, which means living more in integrity, living more in love, living more in openheartedness,

living more in vulnerability, claiming our power, you know, our frequency rises and we can only be in relationship. Like people will only come into your life who are resonant with your frequency. So as you raise your frequency with healing and all of those things I just mentioned, then it's just very naturally many friends and people will just drift away. You don't have to big blowouts with them. They just no longer in the same frequency. And all these new interesting people start to come in. And even better when you set that intention, right? I remember doing that years ago. I had all these friends who I love and many of them I still love, but so many of them were hot messes. Like I was the caretaker and that was a way that I found emotional safety and

lots of other things. It's how I was raised. It's where I found my value back then. But it got to a point where I was just exhausted and sick. And I just decided I need women in my life who are going to teach me, who are going to be the wise women. I don't want to teach anyone anymore. I want to learn and I want to be in the energy of other seekers. And like the next day when I really claimed that, I got an invitation to join this like random group and I discovered this whole beautiful community of women I didn't even know existed. And I think there's something really powerful about setting that intention. And that's what you did. I love that. I love that. Yeah, very, very, very resonant. And I agree. And it's,

I actually want to ask you a question. Go ahead, ask me a question. Do you think that when we're ready to break up with a friend or a person, and I think it depends if they're showing up a lot knocking on the door, whether it organically kind of just dissipates quietly do you think in those instances because I lead so deeply by transparency in a way that makes the world pretty uncomfortable and I don't know if it would be loving or kind but I've talked to a few people about should we create a world where we just tell somebody hey you know I I'm I'm always going to say hi and be friendly when I see you around town but I just have very limited capacity for core relationship and I don't I don't have resonance to go as deep with you as I feel

that you're having. And I just want to be honest and transparent and tell you that so that you can free up some space in your life to find people who also want to go that deep with you. Think of those kind of conversations would go over well. You know, I, it would be a beautiful world if they did across the board. They don't, right. It depends on the person. And I, you know, that the people in your life who can hold that, you know, the way that the litmus that I tend to use when i try that on in my own mind is is what i'm gonna tell them a gift in some way like first of all like you know am i gonna be able to give them some feedback because it's not enough to just say we're not resonant because they're you know they're gonna be like like what's not good enough about

me right like but it's that like look i'm really interested in spending my time this way and you only you know you mostly are interested in going to bars and and that's fine but i'm not really interested in that or I'm really interested in in gratitude and like cultivating that in myself and I you know where you are right now no judgment is that you're really in a place of struggling and it's really hard for you to be in that and I find it hard to be around you know that kind of stuff if it's something that will a hold up a mirror that can be a gift to them even if it's a painful gift and be very important if there's a reasonable chance they'll take it in Like there are some people who you know you could give them the feedback and there's no freaking way they're going to take it in. They're just going to demonize you and it's not going to make any difference. In those cases, I don't bother saying anything. But I did just actually do this with a friend from Chicago who had done several things really kind of rejecting and not there for me things and sort of showed back up.

And I just said to her, look, I will always love you. I will always wish you well. But your behavior made clear to me that I'm not as important to you as you have been to me, that I'm not someone who you're going to make a priority in your life when I most need you. And that's fine. Like, no harm, no foul. But I'm not really interested in investing my energy there. You know, but I will always wish you well and I will always, you know, hold you with love in my heart. And that's it.

And, you know, I didn't even need a response from her and she didn't respond, which was kind of typical, but I knew she heard me. New from Nespresso, blend wellness into your coffee routine with the Coffee Plus range, infused with functional benefits. Choose the coffee you love with added B vitamins, like Coffee Plus B12 to help support immune function and Coffee Plus B6 to keep your day moving. Or go with the flow and choose Ginseng Delight, our new double espresso with ginseng extract. Whatever lies ahead, don't change your morning. Let your morning change you. Discover Coffee Plus on Nespresso.com. So I think it just depends,

but I also find that there are so many people, if you just focus on yourself, they just drift away, you know, because they're no longer, we can only perceive people, things around us that are vibrating in harmony with us. So anyone who isn't vibrating in harmony with you will either blow up or disappear on their own because they're not in your frequency anymore.

So they can't be in your reality. And I see that with love relationships all the time. People say, oh, what am I going to do? You know, if I raise my frequency and work on my own worth and, you know, raise my energetic frequency, what do I do about my partner? And I always say, well, you know, one of a couple of things will happen.

Either your partner will rise with you, which often happens, or they won't. And at a very clear point, it will be a no-brainer whether you stay or go. It won't be like this horrible, painful, should I, shouldn't I decision. It will just be very clear what you should do. One way or the other, it's going to work out. And I think it's the same thing with friendships. I love that answer.

There's a quote by, I live in Encinitas, and there's a Yogananda retreat, little, not little, there's a big center here. And he has a quote that says, live in the present moment and the future will take care of itself. And I know that's a simple. That's so true. People have said it, but it's that place. I love what you said. I'm an Enneagram.

I forget what it is. I'm also the helper. That's my. That's a two. It's either a six or a two. I get them confused, but I think it's a two. Yeah, I lead with my value also being the supporter. Yeah.

So I resonate with what you said. And what I'm realizing is when I let that identity go and that worth go, there's just so much other stuff underneath, which is beautiful. So I just also wanted to say same. And I love that. I love that. I love that piece. Thank you for answering that. I chew on.

I think it's a bit of both. Sometimes no, sometimes yes. And the emotional vampires will disappear if you're not willing to be their feeder anymore. You know, they won't stick around. So now claiming, let's just talk for a minute, because this is another similarity we have. I think we're going to be friends, too, by the way. I was already going to send her a card. But a lot of what I do in general, certainly around sexuality and claiming your sexuality, but also around trauma healing and also just around healing is, you know, this theme I call being in body sort of my term for it.

But for so much of my life and many, most of our lives, because of the way we were raised, because of our busy, busy lives, because of our traumas, we don't spend a lot of time in our bodies. And spiritual seekers, which I would characterize myself and you two are one, I know many of us are, you know, there's sort of this belief, I guess, you know, you're supposed to be connecting to your higher self. You're supposed to be up in the spirit world, which is like and it took me so long to realize because it seems almost counterintuitive that the greatest spiritual connection actually can occur when you are fully in your body and not up in the stars or in like when you're fully present with your physicality, that that is the bridge to your soul, which seems so counterintuitive when you think about it. but it's really true. And so over the past six months or so, as I've been healing from the incomparable pain of losing a child, I had no choice but to fully embrace that. I guess I did have a choice, but I had learned through past experiences when I didn't do that. And I rushed to, let me make spiritual meaning out of it. Let me connect with their souls. Let me write about it. Let me teach about it. Let me not like be present with it. That's when I got breast cancer.

And so I was like, I am not doing that again. I'm going to stay really healthy. I'm going to claim this. And it has been really hard, but unbelievably healing and a huge part of not only my ability to survive this, but thrive through this for the most part and continue to, you know, it's a lifelong process. But this idea of body wisdom and being in your body,

and I see you do this on your own Instagram. I mean, I do it in mine. And I put up these ridiculous videos of me like shaking and dancing and looking. You're much more gorgeous and fit than I am. I'm not saying for real. I'm just saying according to those standards of current beauty. And I'm still out there shaking my wobbly ass and, you know, moving around and not at all graceful or surfing like you are. But I notice that you do the same thing, that you're often shaking or dancing or moving.

I mean I think you call it more which is the same thing body wisdom right but but I want to ask you about the role that that plays in your life and how that connects which is such a huge important piece for all women to intuition and guidance I'd love to answer that and I have to go back for a minute because when you were talking in my whole body flooded with emotions and heart I just wanted to say I can't imagine oh thank you that that experience and just um thanks for the vulnerable share and um I understand I would probably desire to leave my body as well if I had to process a similar piece so yeah absolutely just just wanted to say yeah thanks for sharing that and and your question was around the importance of being in the body can you yeah

but you were too busy like holy shit this is so hard I know and I'm like talking about it because i talk about it so much i'm kind of more matter of fact about it so i'm i apologize for my like yeah by the way no i'm just i was just you were just feeling my you know it's funny i'm taking this class this kind of psychic class psychic building class with one of my teachers and we practice a lot together and it's kind of a joke among my classmates because i tell them don't even try like none of them they know not to read me with their second chakra because if they do They'll start crying and like feeling my pain. I'm like, don't go in there.

Just use your third eye. Don't go to your second chakra. Okay, so we were talking, I wanted to ask you about the power of being in your body, you know, that embodiment and how that cultivates body wisdom, that intuition, that gut knowing and trusting that knowing,

which is where we have the hardest, but many of us get the gut instincts, but we talk ourselves out of it. Yeah, I feel I am in it. I feel I have been doing practices of embodiment without realizing they were embodiment practices. And I really resonate with we have to be grounded. You know, we do need to connect to especially if we're doing energy channeling, we have to have an anchor and our anchor and our home is our body. And I agree with you, there's a lot of very ungrounded. I think Jeff Brown has a book called Unbounded Spirituality. And I think that that is, I think the level we're all feeling right now in the collective is what does embodiment look like? So I do a lot of physical movement.

I surf a few hours a day. I do yoga. I do breath work. I think all of those practices put me in my body. But I actually very recently have been tuning in in such a deep way to the body wisdom and the intuition and realizing how right i am yeah i'm gonna say that again how right i am every time and the desire to override that yes others and then the no i know and i knew and i think that lately how it started as a cue was how does my nervous system feel around certain people

and and how am i feeling in my body and just paying attention to some of the wisdom of, I call it resonance more so because I don't want to be rejecting of people or judgmental. I think that we all live in different values and different frequencies. Who do I got values aligned with or not? And so I just started to notice the subtle pieces. And then I actually just got out of something I was in for about six weeks. I was dating somebody and my intuition was speaking pretty deeply. I wasn't even with having dreams and I ended up being right about it. And several times continuously and ended up ending it as well because what i was right about i didn't like yeah can you say what it was or you don't want to well i what i would say is i think it's

normal exactly what we've been talking about it's normal to get confused by the sparkly objects and so the person i was with had a sparkly object from his past ah so he was sneaky leaking very very briefly and then decided that he wanted to explore it and my response was there will always be sparkly objects out there and so I have empathy and compassion in he's new to the dating world in many ways I think there's just a bit of learning and experience there but I was like listen this is a cashmere yeah a cashmere pussy over here yeah with no cobwebs you don't you don't pause yes you know if you can't if you can't and not that other women aren't cashmere pussies no well everyone has to claim their own cashmere pussy you claim yours

yeah yes and so I had a really beautiful moment and actually what I wanted to touch on was sometimes it isn't knowing that there is someone better but it's putting ourselves in the mystery but just knowing in our bodies that's not enough yeah and I know that someone isn't enough that the experience isn't enough and I'm what I'm really tuning into is the subtleties of what we say and what we don't say and how every energetic I've had two men approach me recently and just every way every little thing either builds trust or takes away from trust Yeah. And just being in a space of feeling in my body, like, how does it feel to be approached and interacted with? And I'm not even really using my mind. I'm just using how it feels inside. I am using my mind, obviously, a bit, but just more of how does it feel? And how do I tune into that? and and trusting that it's really scary to be alone and to i'm a i like to i go for all of

as a surfer i will paddle for waves that will never break and i always joke like i believe that's a metaphor like i so many metaphors i really do believe and see the potential every human being and that's dangerous because it's how are we how is somebody showing up in a way that cultivates trust with us because I think everyone has a great potential and so I think it's choosing inherently choosing our our worthiness and inherently choosing yeah the enoughness or not enoughness and trusting that even if we don't know what the future is just trusting ourselves and trusting that, that it will. And not settling. Yeah. I have so many girlfriends and people I've worked with who I've known for so many years and, you know, watch and cheer on

and hold hands as they, I can see the upgrades in their relationships. You know, I can see that this guy that she's with you know is attentive and sweet but like totally shut down to life and not willing to ever go on adventures and so now she's clear she wants someone adventurous and the next one is sweet and attentive and adventurous but super controlling and you know it's like one after the other and they slowly upgrade learning more each time and I love that I also love what you say about the knowing, and I want to get really specific here because I don't think that a lot of people who aren't in their bodies, which quite frankly, I think is most of us, understand that in operationalization.

And one of the things I'll just mention as a tip, and you can weigh in with any tip you have, is one of the things that has really helped me understand what my body is telling me and of course trusting it is to learn just starting with what does yes feel like in your body and what does no feel like in your body and even if you say those words while sitting quietly if you say yes to yourself or you even think of something that you would say yes to what does it feel like physiologically in your body what is open what is closed what is spread what is bubbling you know and then try on no and so as you start to understand the body signals then you immediately can read them in response to other people and feedback I mean because for me

for most of my earlier life before I really started practicing this it would have to be such an extreme case and there were some of those like I remember my sister when her oldest you know who's now in his 20s was a little baby she was about to hire a new nanny or maybe her first nanny slash babysitter and I met this woman and you know the hairs on the back of my neck stood up I was like no and I never you know that wasn't something typical for me and I was like no like something's well what's wrong with her I don't know but something's really bad no nothing's wrong she is great you know meanwhile turned out on the nanny cam she was shaking the baby and doing all this toxic stuff and I was right and that was when I was like okay I'm on to something there and my

husband who by the way is not at all woo-woo or spiritual the few times he has been about to hire someone for his business or whatever else and I usually meet almost everyone he works with or hires I would say there were two times where I was like no and he would say why I don't know just no like bad bad juju not gonna work out and he has he literally I guess because I've only said it twice and like but he has listened and I think that that was as far as my intuition went you know until maybe 10 or 15 years ago when I started cultivating this other part, but there's so many subtleties and information and it's so hard to trust, especially like when you really want that thing that's coming at you and it looks so shiny and good. And yet there's something in your

tummy and then questioning. And I'm curious what you think about this. Okay. So am I feeling this tightness in my tummy because there's something off with this other person? Or is it that I'm scared of vulnerability or i'm scared of something that has nothing to do with that yes and this is the this is the part where i think we lose ourselves or at least if you do personal development this is where i have continued to all own that where i have lost myself is i have a tendency to take responsibility over too much and to kind of pathologize it a little bit too much too around it. And I think that we sometimes will think that we're in fear or insecure, or it's about us, or it's our history, or it's baggage. And then we go, no, you know, it's probably this. And

rather than it's a no. And so I think that takes some discernment in pieces. And a very concrete example that I would like to give is, I have a friend whose partner in the past was disloyal and now they're in the repair phase and the reality is he's not being disloyal right now but her nervous system and her body has uh it happens vigilant yeah and so yes yeah the vigilance of it and so i've been trying to affirm so i think that it's good to check in when that shows up as a reaction of fear and i mean this is multifaceted but the example i'm going to give it's also a surfing metaphor of is it danger is it fear and I like to think about fear more being passed off and maybe you can look at danger as intuition or actuality that's a good distinction

metaphor but I'll be surfing sometimes and there's seaweed in the ocean and it's murky and when anything touches my leg even if it's my leash I automatically go shark yeah and it's it's from a space of fear yeah you know there largely is a I feel something and go whoop you know get spooky. And that for me is fear. Whereas if there's an actual shark fin coming towards you, that's danger. Like there's a shark in the water. And so I think that it's also good to check in around when we're trying to figure out what is from the past versus right now, what are the actual shark fin cues? And so sometimes it's helpful to put things in your phone of, you know, this was real in our relationship of peace.

Not to encourage the investigator in all of us. Yeah, but there's some, when you question that, I think it's true. And also if you were someone who was gaslit a lot in your earlier life or in past relationships, it's really hard to trust your knowing. So you sometimes need that analysis to hold on to your own discernment, I think.

I mean, that was especially true for me, I know. And for many people, I know that to really claim your discernment. You do that intellectual exercise, like, and I love that. Is it fear or is it danger? Fear being from the past and danger being like literal, clear signs of the shark fin, so to speak. And the other thing I guess I would add to that is that I found really powerful, especially in recent years. And the only way I can describe it is to run it through your heart. like if you if you move that question is this a story i'm telling myself or is this real this gut instinct i am having about x y or z and you literally center it almost in the center of

your chest and you put all of your conscious awareness in that heart center it's like your body will just you just know like if you relax and you feel like i'll often feel truth chills I call them you know where I'm just like oh yeah that's true or other times it'll be a little constriction and that's my body's no and I'm like oh okay so maybe this isn't real so I think it's a process of learning your body's own language but it starts with that body awareness that you model so beautifully so thank you for that yeah there's I could talk to you for days but is there anything else that you want to make sure you share? Do you have any workshops coming up or any things people could explore? I have one more thing to add on what we were just talking about,

which feels relevant and very important in the world of personal development and coaches and therapists is that you should never let anyone else be your compass and to please use coaches, friends, partners as a sounding board for your body. And so sometimes I process verbally and i like to process verbally with somebody not because i need them to tell me what to do because sometimes i'll completely disagree but i will hear my body either go oh yeah or like no you just didn't say what i wanted but now i know what as you're saying it out loud that happens like actually they said like oh you should fire that person if that's not my truth you'll feel it yeah i use them as a sounding board often in listening to body knowing and

I think that's a distinction missing. Many of us just adopt. Yeah, you're my guru. Tell me what's true or not. And any good teacher or mentor will tell you, do not. There is no guru. You're the guru. Just use me as a guide, you know, and take whatever offerings resonate with you. But you're absolutely right. And I've been guilty of that, you know, earlier in my life, too, when I first started this journey and had teachers who I really trusted and respected. And they didn't lead me astray, but I put my power in their hands rather than claiming it myself. So, I think that's a really important distinction. Totally. We will always be led astray if we listen to the truth of others over our own truth. Amen, sister.

Yeah, as far as connecting with me, I have two books. This is for the woman who don't give a fuck and that's the first one second book that's the first one and then there's cobwebs on her vagina is the second one and i also yeah as far as connecting with me books are a great place to start and i have an email list i said love letters too oh i'll have to get on your email list i haven't done that yet i do follow you as you know and if you want to follow her she's um beautiful to look at but more importantly beautiful hearted and and spoken and written and um very inspiring yana robinson and yana spelled j-a-n-n-e robinson that's your instagram tag is it on the other social media platforms as well yana robinson author on facebook okay i have i have a personal

and an author account there but yeah those are great and i do coaching and i have a program called Your Truth is Your Medicine, which is about being our own GPS system. Oh, good. Which I launch once a year. There's a wait list up for that right now. So, but thank you so much. And also the title of the book,

because we are almost done. Oh, yeah. And that was the question. On or in? It's titled, so it's interesting because I channel a lot of poems and that is a poem about a gynecologist and a mother and a daughter

and she's getting a checkup. And the rant, I wrote that poem after working with a client who was really renovating her relationship with her sexuality after being in a deeply religious purity ring type childhood. And so I was feeling infuriated by her experience, the experience of women at large, the repression of women at large. And, and so as far as whether it was honoring and it's actually grammatically incorrect yes it should be there is or like yeah you said there is and it should be there are cobwebs i knew you did that on purpose there was cobwebs on her vagina

uh-huh and i also just i don't edit things when it comes to poetry i really firmly honor that uh i won't completely say that none of it is my brilliance but i do channel a lot I don't want to fuck it up. Yeah, you're saying exactly what comes through. Well, we'll have to have another conversation about channeling because writing, I know, is one of the most powerful ways to download that wisdom. So I'll pick your brains for another show, maybe about cultivating the higher realms through through written. Love that expression is definitely my genius. I feel people seek me out as a coach more so for expression than anything.

So I'd love to talk about that. I'm also looking forward to reading your book. I've definitely heard of it before this and I'm excited to dive in. And thank you so much also for your time and presence and really beautiful questions. This was really lovely. It was really fun talking to you. We will talk again. We're going to be friends.

Yeah. And maybe you'll get me surfing. i've been too i've been too intimidated by it but i definitely want to learn so at some point i would love to take you surfing i was just pushing it's so funny so many men i've dated have asked me to teach them how to surf and i'm always like i hire a surf coach and then i took a friend of mine last week and was pushing her into waves yeah i'm definitely i'm definitely feeling a willingness with with the women you know there's a group there's a group called sisters surfers or something i almost went to one of their things here in la and i couldn't

Cause I was out of town, but I do want to, and it's like surf therapy for women, which I think is so cool. Uh, sister surfers or something they're called. Anyway, we'll have to check that out. You're going to have to come down to Encinitas and, uh, we'll have a salted caramel cashew latte, which is an experience. And then we'll have to go surf. All right.

Definitely. And if you're in LA, you, you let me know as well. The next time you're here. Yana thank you so much for your beautiful heart and soul and for spending time with us and sharing your wisdom and we will all keep following you I'll get on your mailing

list to get your love notes and I will look forward to speaking to you and hopefully playing with you soon I'm looking forward to reading your book and thank you so much for today thank you much love and thanks for listening let me know if you have

a question about anything on your mind about this conversation or anything to do with love, sex, and relationships, you know I'm all about helping you learn to love and be loved better. That's why we're all here. I'll see you next time. Where some see heroes and others see egos,

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