Language of Love with Dr. Laura Berman - Finding Humility

Episode Date: April 5, 2023

This Language of Love session is very special to me because I am joined by my college roommate and bestie since the 1980s, Dana Lathrop. The two of us reminisce a bit (including recounting some of the crazier antics we got up to in our youth). But we also dig into the issue of humility; is it ever real? Is it required for social acceptance? Is there something wrong with you if you have too much or too little humility? If you struggle with self promotion, celebrating your accomplishments out loud or claiming your gifts, this episode will definitely inspire you.  Dana is definitely someone who is committed to humility. Dana is a very talented and accomplished artist, but she is uncomfortable stepping into the spotlight. In this week’s Language of Love session, I help her identify where that is coming from and more importantly, what she should do about it.  Join me as we tackle this topic from our differing perspectives; why is it important to sometimes toot your own horn? Is it ok for someone to be their own cheerleader? Is false humility worse or better than honest pride?  Learn more about Dana Lathrop’s art on her instagram page Visit my website and check out my books on love, sex and relationships. Be sure to tune in regularly to The Language of Love for great discussions and thought-provoking conversations with accomplished individuals and experts offering invaluable advice on how to love and be loved better.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, I'm sex, love, and relationship therapist, Dr. Laura Berman, and for the last 30 years, I've been helping people learn to love and be loved better. Welcome to the Language of Love Sessions. This is where I get to work with you one-on-one, on air. You, my listeners, my goal in these sessions is to empower you to enjoy better relationships, both with others and with yourself, and to help you embrace how precious and sacred your body, your love life, and your sexuality really is. It's time we all become fluent in the language of love. So this is a special language of love session because you know these episodes

are when my peeps, my listeners, my friends on social media get to come on and talk one-on-one with me about issues that are affecting their own lives. Get some one-on-one advice because you know what? I'm always telling you that whatever your question or issue is, there are millions of other people that are struggling with the same issue. But this Language of Love little session is quite special because this isn't just any friend or listener or follower that we have here. We have my college roommate, Dana Lathrop. Say hi, Dana. So Dana and I have been besties for what? How many years is it now? Since we grew up? 1986. Do the math. 1986. Freshman year, first week of school. she even wrote a song about it to the tune of what was it too what song i'll tell you the words

you ready guys no i yeah it's uh the semester i met her drunk on the street she was drunk and wasted and stuff like that and she couldn't even sleep speak a horse with no name horse with no name her name is lara and she comes from georgia when she gets back she is a freak right something like that? Yeah, I can't remember. But yes, see that I drank a lot, especially. We all did. And so we met on campus and she probably saved me from being date raped or something worse, because in my irresponsible, clueless 18 year old, finally away from home state of being, I was completely wasted. I'd gone to this party with my brand new roommates who I could barely relate to. But you know how it happens. You're a freshman year. You just kind of hang out with

whoever you're with at first. Right. I lose them. Do you even really know if you were actually with them first? I don't even know. I think you know who you were with. No, I did it first party and And then I got wasted. And then I wanted to go home and they had blown me off or I'd lost them. I don't know which. And I decided I could find my dorm room because I figured I knew where it was. And I got completely lost. And I was rambling through the streets of Burlington, Vermont, wasted off my geezer, unable, didn't know where I was going. and here comes dana when i found you on uh on campus you're you're on campus you made it to campus but you were like just like walking around i'm funny i'm laughing about it now and i said because anyone could have done anything to me and i was lucky enough

to come across dana's path who then said was very sweet because you know a lot of people wouldn't stop especially 18 year old wasted kids and she stopped and said are you okay what do you know what and i'm like i'm trying to find simpson hall that's when i decided that i liked you like this girl can party we're gonna be friends no but then we didn't like each other remember you you didn't like me and i didn't know it and then i don't know about that part two to the story yes because I was drunk again and I was talking to you and I thought we had you know I remembered vaguely the conversation but I was just being myself but evidently I changed your opinion of me without even knowing you had a negative opinion of me to start I changed your opinion

during that no you're actually telling it backwards I'm sorry to make you look like an on your own show but um so what happened was you were really there was a sigma nu party and you were really nice to me the next day and i was like why is she being so nice to me i thought she didn't like me right and you were like don't you remember we spoke for like two hours at sigma nu party and i was so drunk that i was blackout drunk i was like sorry i never saw you there i guess that was nice you became friends anyway which is interesting because i don't ever remember thinking negatively towards you but you i guess no i don't either i just i don't remember like specifically i just thought we didn't like connect or click i don't know you know it was 35 years

later no i didn't yeah one of my nearest and dearest right through everything with me and we've watched each other grow up and we've been we're still growing up and uh we've been that's And we still talk all the time. We send each other posts and this is, I promise there's a purpose to this session, guys. So we send each other posts that we memes, whatever. And then we sometimes send each other things that trigger us. And you, Dana, sent me a post from someone you kind of knew, or maybe it wasn't even someone you knew, but they were, it was a screenshot of an exchange with a client or somebody they worked with who was praising their work. And it led to this larger conversation. The reason you sent it to me is because you were questioning why you were

being triggered by it. And I said, yeah, you know, it's interesting that you're judging this because I post things like that all the time when people send me a message and it like lights my heart up. And I want to and there's honestly two purposes because let's just face social media. This is how it works. Right. So on the one hand, I'm in this major place of feeling totally touched and inspired that I have helped someone. And so I'm like, look, I've been so touched by this. Thank you for sharing this. And then there's also that hat that's like, hey, the language of love really makes a difference in your life. Look, it made a difference in this person's life or something like that. So there is a there's a dual agenda. One is inspired by authentic. I'm really touched by this

and proud. I'm proud. And I'm happy to, you know, I'm excited to share with you guys something I'm proud about. And then there's also that part of me that's like, and you should watch, you know, there's that too in there, if I'm being honest, right. Cause I'm always, but you always, when I post those things, I almost always get a DM from you being like, Oh, that's so beautiful. I'm so proud of you. I feel that way. Yeah. So that's, you're so cool with me doing that and that someone else, you're not okay with that. The larger discussion was because what it led to between you and I, and what I wanted to share, because this is where millions of people can relate to what we're saying is this difference between being humble. Like what is the line between being

humble because you kept saying it's not humble. People who aren't humble really gross me out. And I said, well, why? Like, why isn't humility like is there such a thing as humility? Because like it's one thing to say, and I do believe I'm humble in this way, like whatever powers I have or whatever help I'm giving, I definitely feel I'm humble in the state that I'm a vehicle for that. Right. Like I'm the deliverer of that. I'm also very proud and confident in the work I do. Right. So it's both. And in some cases, I feel like humility is something that's so propagated and promoted in our society. and we're so quick to accuse people of being narcissists or self-aggrandizing or whatever, that there's this pressure toward humility. I'm very humble, but like it's false humility. It's like, what is humility except pretending that you're not proud of something that you're really

proud of so that nobody calls you cocky, right? To a large extent, obviously there's that base humility that I was talking about, but back to the post now. So what's the difference between me posting it and someone else posting it i this is me being judgy i guess but i think that you're doing like some serious like really good work you're really helping people i mean the sexuality of course it's improving people's sex lives and all that and you know opening people's eyes but the grief like that just gets me in a place where you're helping these women i mean listen i can see the comments they write you know when people comment on your posts about grief i could see that you're helping them and so i guess it's the quality of the work that you're doing and how

it's really really helping people and that that's the difference that i see when someone's posting just like look at me and look how great i am you know look at this client wrote me this letter and there's some you know i can't even think of the example but it's not such a great only because you don't necessarily buy in because like let's just take three people on social media who you don't know okay okay and one of them wasn't your college roommate who right you know right whatever maybe to whatever extent they were you could see the quality of their work or not because in social media you often can't see the quality of someone's right right and they're posting look at this amazing client letter I got, or look at this amazing feedback I got, or look at this award

I just got. There's a judgment there and you're not alone, which is why I wanted to talk about it. Yes, there is a judgment there because if you're so fabulous, people are going to find out about it on their own. You don't have to be your own cheerleader, but it's still not a black and white thing. I mean, your own cheerleader, like what is it? This is really curious about you in particular because I know I wouldn't say your family was your family was definitely not braggadocious at all but they weren't very like don't be humble no no I actually learned that I learned the humility more from my ex-husband he was very humble yeah but then again I mean but he's very humble in his this is that he's I mean I love him and I don't have any I had a

great conversation with him at your daughter's graduation I hadn't seen him in a long time 20 years but yeah I have no ill will toward him but he's a great example because he is not humble inside him I mean he's very proud of no yes he's very very confident a lot of really strong opinions about how things should be he's not you know yes a lot of really successful people too this isn't a trash in your ex-husband because like I said I don't mean that but I would by no means call ever characterize him as a human being inside himself who is humble, which to me, by the way, is fine because I don't judge people who aren't humble. But so that's not a judgment on my part. But. In his expression to other people, he presents as humble. So is that true

humility? Yeah, I don't I don't know what's true humility. I don't know. Right. I mean, I have to I have an art account, right? Because I make art. And so I share that. Am I not being humble? I don't know. I want to, you know, I sell my art. So that's a way for me to show people what I can do. And so what if you put on there like a customer letter you got of someone saying, oh, my God, my wife died when I gave her this. Yeah, I wouldn't. I wouldn't. You wouldn't do that? Why? See, I think you have an aversion of some sort. This isn't normal. Like the humility thing is so because you do. I know for a fact that not only are you an amazing artist, but you know, you're an amazing artist and you're very proud of your art. Yes, I am. But so why do I need to? Why not? I post my art. I mean, that's enough. But I don't have to. I don't know. I just I don't feel comfortable doing that. That's right. You don't feel comfortable. So it makes other people feel it makes you uncomfortable when other people do it. Perhaps. I do think it's relevant because you're not comfortable when we're not comfortable tooting our own horn or really being in the light. And I know you I mean, I see you doing it in your private life, but I I know in your public life you don't. And I won't put you on the spot, but having known you and your family intimately as long as your family of origin, as well as the family you built, I have some theories as to why you aren't comfortable stepping into the light, which, by the way, 80 percent of people are uncomfortable with that.

So you're certainly not alone there. But if you are really uncomfortable shining light on your own light and you're going to not like it and feel like, who the hell are you to shine a light on yourself? I'm not going to do that. I'm too uncomfortable doing that. Yeah. I mean, that makes a lot of sense. I mean, I just I don't know. I can't whether I think I'm amazing, talented or not.

Like, I don't feel the need to put that online. You want to sell your art. Yes, I do. That's why I post my art. Yeah. but only but let's say some yeah so hopefully someone who in an artist's perspective like that's more straightforward because someone can just literally see your work right see and then they can create their own opinion yeah she can create her own opinion and and she can like it or

what do you imagine if you were uncommon this is just a thought experiment because i know it wouldn't even occur to you to do it but if i were to challenge you to say and say to you okay i want your challenge is that you have to post something this week on social media, some feedback that you've gotten from someone about how amazing your work is. You would immediately feel uncomfortable with that. I wouldn't do it. You just wouldn't. I just wouldn't. But listen, if I won, if I won some award or something, I don't enter any contests, but it's like, I guess if I won some award, I got some recognition. I might say, oh my God, like, you know, I'm so proud of myself. i might do that you might if you want an award yeah if i were like an award mate you know i'm

trying to think but i wouldn't i've gotten you know a little nice notes from people what feels uncomfortable about it because the only reason i'm probing you on this is because that's what's underneath your judgment of other people right well i don't want to be a hypocrite because i always say why is this person posting this and what do they you know what's this need what's the need it's more like here i just what is this need for adoration what is this need that people have for this like oh you're so awesome you're amazing you know they you are abnormal and not having that need and i hold on no i think we all have the need actually let me say that i who doesn't like to hear they're fabulous i like it right but i don't like i feel

like these people are like on a mission like trying to get it like clawing for it and i don't understand that welcome to social media i agree with you there right the entire social media a structure. I mean, I was even getting triggered last night. I was looking through YouTube for something. And then, of course, I went down the rabbit hole and I started seeing all of the millions of people posting and all their views. And I'm like, why? Like, how do you even get heard above the noise? Right. And what makes them think people care what they have to say? That's the other thing. People do. I mean, I think the hope is that you're finding your own little tribe, right? It's not going to be everyone in the world unless you're freaking J-Lo or someone, but

most people are just trying to find their tribe of people who will cheer them on and buy their widgets and, you know, get inspired by what they're offering. And then when you try to monetize it, which let's just face it, most people on social media are doing, that becomes a competition to rise above the noise. And then that's when people start trying to get attention. I mean, that's how I see it. But I also think it's a microcosm of how society is working and that as a society, we are all about the clickbait. Right. Right. It's true. I mean, you know, I used to write a blog and that was a big deal for me because I'm like, who cares what I have to say? i know my people told me they loved it it was great but it's all my friends you know

with well it's private for a very long time that's why it was only your friends if you would right if you made it well i did make it public but then i stopped doing it yeah i was always like fascinated by that part of it like why does anybody care what i have to say i'm not a i'm not an expert in anything i'm just a wise crack and opinionated that's the perfect house in that like you're an expert in living and in life and you do have it you share a lot of wisdom with me a lot right now yeah i'm not i'm not saying i'm a total idiot i'm just saying it's not like i you know i think it's an interesting question because i do think we are living in a world that has epidemic proportions of false humility that we are and i would rather someone

say i am so fucking proud of myself or i want the whole world to know that this happened or i'm just feeling really good about myself so i want to put it out into the world i would rather them just that than be like oh i'm i would never announce that because i'm too humble bullshit you're not announcing it just was an imitation of me no no i'm kidding no i mean when you put it like that it's like harmless yeah you put it like that it's harmless yeah but no I mean in general this wasn't a caricature of you I think you are speaking for millions I even posted a video about self-love that was fascinating too I posted a video this was a while ago about self-love and I was talking about like really the difference between oh no this was in a Lewis Howes interview I did and he

posted the clip of me saying there's a big difference between self-love and self-esteem because self-esteem, you love yourself because, you know, I'm a good person. I'm, I'm a good friend. I'm a good daughter. I'm great at sports. I'm a great writer, whatever it is. Right. And those, you know, find reasons to love yourself. That's more self-esteem. That's not really self-love like right self-love is recognizing that you are worthy and due to receive all the love in the universe and are so worthy of love simply because you are a fucking miracle that you exist in the first place like simply because you exist you don't have to do anything be anything other than your full authentic self and boy did people react to that oh my gosh

they're like it's the definition of narcissism and to me that sounds selfish and the absence of humility and I was like wow you guys need some fucking self-love as most of you know for the past several years I've been on a pretty intense grief journey and it's been a path of healing I've shared lots of that healing with you and lots of the healing resources that I found and I am so thrilled to announce that I am doing my first ever retreat for grieving mamas. So if you or someone you love is a mama who has lost a child in any way, at any stage, at any age, I would love for you to come join me at 1440 Multiversity in the Redwoods near Santa Cruz, California for four amazing days of beautiful, uplifting community and healing. We've got David Kessler, we've got

Paul Selig. We've got Catherine Woodward Thomas. We've got me. We've got body work. We've got organic food, beautiful rooms. Go to 1440.org. Check it out. It's right there on the homepage. I really hope you can join us. And to me, that is epidemic. So when you started having that conversation with me, I was like, okay, we have to talk about this because you are not alone in being grossed out by being grossed out by people like tooting their own horn, which I am like, toot your own horn out the window, like celebrate yourself, first of all. But second of all, that you kind of would prefer and you're not alone. You would prefer I think I'm the minority, right? I think most people would prefer false humility than authentic pride.

yeah i agree i agree with you whatever it's evil i don't know but like i think we should all be fucking proud of what we've done right so i can only speak for myself but i am proud of what i've done and what i create what i do i'm very proud and i do think it's good yeah you know i don't need to but i don't need to brag about it and you're i know what you're saying keep going back like you're saying that bragging isn't necessarily you know the opposite of humility. Yeah. And also this is interesting too. And I think it has to do with like one of your wounds putting on the spot again, only because you are one of millions. So I'm just using you as an example, but there's a grossed outness with people as being like needing or

wanting that affirmation where I just find compassion for like, what I feel is not grossed out with that I feel compassion because like we both know some people from our mutual friends and community and whatever who we see posting things and it is obvious from what they're posting that they're longing for want this isn't like a celebration of like woohoo I'm so excited I want to share this with you this is more you can tell in the tone that they're like wanting the world to tell them they're beautiful or right they're right and you know it's sometimes you can tell there is a difference and i don't think it's so subtle but that right that as you say you know use the expression gross me out one grosses me out and the other one doesn't yeah it doesn't

gross me out i think god like she really needs i know you feel great you feel sorry for the person and i right and you just get exactly exactly i do but i'm judging myself as well right which Which is so weird because to me, you are not a judgmental person. You are like, but there are certain things like this, which is why they stand out to me that you get judgy about. Right, right. Anytime we judge someone, right? That's like you spot it.

You got it. Anytime we point the finger of blame, it's because there's a part of it inside ourselves that judges it, right? So for whatever reason you adopted, maybe it was from your ex. I feel like it was earlier than that. You adopted this story that two stories, which once again, millions of other people share that if I step into the light, I'll either be, I could guess, but I couldn't possibly say which one of it was for you, but I'll either be humiliated or rejected or abandoned or regenerated if I step into the light. So either people say, who do you think

you are or they humiliate me or they laugh at me or I've even known people who have given a book report or read a paper and their parents were hypercritical after that and they never wanted to speak in public again and were too humiliated now every time they see someone stepping into public speaking they get all triggered I'm not saying this is right I'm just using that's not my story but yeah but I do think that when you're raised in an environment where it's not safe or encouraged to kind of be wave your freak flag and be your full authentic self and then maybe marry someone who let's I'll say it you wouldn't it could be a little repressive so I think maybe that's where the judgment comes from yeah it sounds right I mean I didn't come from a family

who was like you're awesome you're great like we didn't oh they were just like that's the shit yes no it was it was like cut the crap like that was like that definitely what do you think yeah well some of the some of the family members yes yeah but yeah i mean it comes from somewhere everything comes from somewhere but i don't know i mean it's an interesting question and i guess my question to you guys based on this because i don't know if you've thought about this or not I certainly have been thinking about it since our conversation is, is humility that important? Do you think maybe that promoting and creating humility as a like society value? Obviously, we don't want to, the opposite of humility might be pride, right? And in the Bible and in most

people's religious training, you know, pride is a sin, right? Because, and so I think that's kind of inherent in the whole culture, right? That we see pride as something negative and it can be, right? If it's blind pride or selfish pride or pride at the expense of someone else's. So you're really proud of yourself and you can only be proud of yourself if you're doing better than other people, right? Or you in comparison to other people, like that's not the kind of pride I'm talking about. But if you've, if you're really proud of yourself for something you've overcome or something you've gotten through or something, some beautiful gift that you have or some wonderful expression you've found to express that gift.

I say fucking, excuse my curse. It's a bad influence, Dana, but she hasn't cursed the whole podcast, but it's actually to me, the sin is not allowing yourself to really claim your gifts and the things you're proud of, right? that's different than trying to make other people feel small so yeah right there's it's not like malicious it's not i mean there's so many different ways to look at it it's i didn't realize how complex it was you know what i mean it's like i'm gonna talk about this data this problem because i do think that there's and i know from art you know i know that you're proud

of yourself and that you're proud of the gifts you have. And I know you're comfortable expressing them out loud and that you like kudos. But I do think this judgment piece around other people celebrating their gifts, like I guess my challenge to you and to all of us, this isn't just to you, is that the next time you're seeing something and you go to judge it, ask yourself, is this my judgment of myself that I'm projecting onto this person? Or is this deserved in some way? Is their pride coming from a place that is authentic, like they're really proud of something? Or maybe they're also just trying to be heard above the noise. And I can't blame them for that because it's such a freaking noisy place, right? Or are they trying to make other people feel

bad about themselves by aggrandizing themselves right and that would be the kind of yeah but i mean we'll never lack of you never really know the reasons but you know as you're saying this i mean it's definitely a possibility that i'm jealous on some level that they have the i don't know the balls i don't know what else to do it the balls and right and i don't that they have they don't have the self-judgment and i have the self-judgment so maybe i'm on some level like angry about that yeah but also another part of it is so self-aware the other part of it well thank you the other part of it is that and being honest sometimes i'm like that's what you're bragging about that's not so great like if i'm gonna brag about something it's gonna be fabulous well i mean

look maybe they don't have much to brag about and so that's even sadder to me but that's like sadder to me you know that's sad but that's not contempt worthy for you it might not be but yeah I mean definitely that's you know that is definitely a part of it that I'm at least aware of I'm like this is what you're bragging about this is not even like that fabulous right so maybe there's a part of you that resents that too that like why the hell could someone feel so confident in this like bullshit little thing they just did and then post about yeah i don't think that they're confident in that i think that they're so insecure we didn't get there yet that they need to post that ah so they're fake so that would be in the category of those aggrandizing

themselves because they feel really bad about themselves. There are those that are, I mean, I guess everybody who aggrandizes themselves probably to some extent feels like they have to, right? Or they want to, or they need to. But like I said, there are those that are aggrandizing themselves at the expense of others and feel that grandness at the expense of others. Those I am not happy about, right? Don't really feel good about. But the rest, the ones that do it because they're just trying to find something to be proud of or because they really are proud I have compassion yeah I mean I think I think they are really proud of yeah I think sometimes they're very proud and we haven't even talked about what if they're just plain old narcissists like there are those

too yeah it's things that shit don't sink all around and they yeah those don't I'm so used to those. I have a very interesting take, I think, different than the social norm these days. There's such a norm of bashing narcissists, which let's just face it, toxic narcissists deserve. They've done a lot of damage and they have done a lot of manipulation and they've used their powers for evil, not good at many people's expense. But then there is this whole, I would say that's more honestly the exception than the rule with narcissists having been raised and surrounded by my life I only had one he only had one narcissist no I know but I've had no my ex was one I have dated many one of my kids I've been around a lot of narcissistic men I don't think your ex is one

but that's for another yeah that's another conversation but what I have learned is that there's a continuum of narcissism, first of all, that all of us are on that continuum to differing degrees and in different areas of our life. And one of the things that I've had to do in order to really confront the narcissist in my life is acknowledge the narcissist in me at times, the one who can't take constructive criticism at times without getting really offended or the one who I just had a narcissistic moment with my friend's daughter the other day and I couldn't figure out why I was so triggered by her. I got so triggered because she wants to be a therapist and she just started graduate school and I was having lunch with her and her mother,

just a social thing. But I, I started like talking to her about, we were talking about future plans and I gave her some opinions as you know, I'm want to do. And she challenged me and was really belittling and rude. And normally, yeah, I would be insulted or slightly offended, but I wouldn't be triggered. And I was like, I was pissed. And I was like, okay, this is not normal. Why am I pissed at this? And I couldn't stop thinking about it. And then later, I was like, I should have said, you know, I was like, and all that stuff. And finally, I realized I was like, oh, this was a Narsi moment. Because what was really happening, if I'm honest with myself, and I didn't even realize this consciously at all at the time, is that I was setting her up to give

me some Narsi love, right? Like in my state, in my mind, I was thinking, oh, I am this very successful, very established therapist who is deigning to give you the peon just starting in her career. So valuable advice. And you are going to not only receive that advice with grace, you are going to be so grateful that you get to have Dr. Laura Berman's advice. And when she rejected it, I was like furious inside myself. And so I realized I was like, oh, look at you with your little Narcy self. You weren't giving advice from an authentic place of wanting to help. There was, I mean, there was that too, of course, consciously doing, but unconsciously I wanted to be the grandiose, fabulous therapist offering very appreciated wisdom to her underling. And

she's not my underling. Right. So there's an example of a nursing moment of ways that we get are all narcissists to a certain extent. Yeah. I mean, we all have that part in us, right? yeah that was a side track but i think it's important because we're so watching narcissists and saying they're evil and meanwhile narcissists are inside you so once again we're back to judging what we can't be with in ourselves bottom line here it sounds like is that i'm somehow angry and jealous of these people who have no issues celebrating some of them have no rights

to celebrate themselves who like who was there some you know princess or wizard that deemed you you know their wand like go post and feel good about yourself well that's that's my why hasn't that wizard come visit me yeah well it can be you

I know I'm joking I think you should do it I want you to post one braggadocious post this week and send it to me nope come on I'll send you a braggadocious text just okay all right and then I'll post I'll kill you all right Dana I love you thank you for playing with me and if you got me I think it's an important topic especially in today's world and if you guys we didn't even get into this because I didn't have a chance to really promote this before I got on the line with Dana

but she does know me pretty well. So if you have any questions about who was Dr. Laura Berman in her late teen years, Dana could shed some light, I'm sure. Oh, I certainly could. So let us know if you have any questions on that, on this topic of humility way in here, because obviously we feel differently about it, but I think it's a really important topic in today's world of click baiting and seeking likes and everything else. And if you have a question or concern you want to talk about, I'm always here for you, helping you learn to love and be loved better. cry