Language of Love with Dr. Laura Berman - Learning Radical Self- Acceptance with Tara Brach

Episode Date: April 6, 2022

On this episode of “The Language of Love,” Dr. Laura Berman sits down with psychologist and bestselling author Tara Brach. Brach is an incredible thought-leader in the field of radical self-acceptance, emotional healing, and Buddhist mediation. During their special talk, Brach explains to listeners how you can deepen your practice of self-love and self-acceptance so that you aren’t just working around the edges of unconditional love and surrender, but that you are living and nurturing that state of mind on a moment-by-moment basis. After you have listened to this episode, you will know how to: • Embark on a journey of self-love that goes so much deeper than our culture’s current understanding of self-care and self-esteem • Begin a meditation practice that will be accessible, enjoyable, and a natural part of your daily life • Identify unhealthy thought patterns that undermine your ability to wholly love yourself and accept your whole being • Heal and release toxic family programming that is keeping you from accessing your real power If you liked this episode, you can check out Tara Brach’s books Radical Self-Acceptance, Radical Compassion, and Trusting the Gold: Uncovering Your Natural Goodness to help you as you continue your journey of loving and healing yourself. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, I'm Dr. Laura Berman, a sex and relationship therapist. And for the past three decades, I've been helping people learn how to love and be loved better. That's what we're doing here on The Language of Love, where I get to answer calls and emails from people just like you. My goal with The Language of Love is to help you discover more meaningful emotional and physical intimacy and to help you build more awareness of how precious and sacred your sexuality really is. Be sure to email me or reach out with your very own love sex relationship

questions and I might just answer them live on the air. It's time we all become fluent in the language of love. I'm so excited to have you guys with me as always and introduce you to our guest this episode, Tara Brock. She's a meditation teacher, a psychologist, and author of several books, including the international bestselling Radical Acceptance, Radical Compassion, and Trusting Gold. And her popular weekly podcast on emotional healing and spiritual awakening is downloaded 3 million times a month. So I'm so grateful to have you with us, Tara. Thank you so much for joining us on the Language of Love. Well, thank you for inviting me, Laura. It's good to be with you. You too. I've been a fan of yours for so long and love your writing. It's so

beautiful and inspiring. And I have so many questions for you. And I've been thinking about your work and the idea of radical acceptance and radical compassion. We'll get into that in some of the nuts and bolts because we all need a little bit more acceptance and compassion. But right now, more than ever, I think just with the division going on in the world and everybody sort of on social media and in the media in general, being fed and refed their same perspective, whatever perspective is correct, not correct. I'm not here to discuss, but I see this huge division happening and a lot of separation. And I'm just wondering if you can speak to that a little bit from your perspective. Absolutely. First of all, I'm glad you're starting with

that, Laura, because it's like, it is the suffering of our society. I think of it as that we suffer because we forget our belonging to each other. We kind of fixate on the what's wrong and we get, as you say, we're in silos being fed what's wrong with the other. And if we're going to have any possibility of life on the planet, really, I think about it like we have to collaborate around the world to be able to really try to do what we can to save the earth. And if we don't vaccinate the whole earth, we're just going to keep on getting more rounds of variants. The point being, we really have to see beyond that kind of idea of those that don't agree with us are in some way bad or wrong and realize our shared humanity and realize that we all in the deepest way

want to love and be loved and we want to be safe and we want to be free. Yeah. And there's so much blame and separation and distancing, not just literal distancing, sheltering in place and social distancing, but emotional distancing happening right now that in many ways, from where I sit, they kind of feed off each other. I mean, obviously we have to social distance right now, off and on, depending which variant is spiking and what's happening. But we've been dealing with this for several years now. But just because we're social distancing, physically distancing, doesn't mean that we have to emotionally distance from one another. One of the things that I think you speak about so beautifully is this idea of finding

freedom from those limiting beliefs. And I'm wondering if you can speak about that a little bit, not just what a limiting belief is, like just starting there on how that impacts us, but how do we find freedom? How do we start to awaken our hearts so that we can put an end to the separation that comes from those limiting beliefs? Yeah. So there are all different kinds of limiting beliefs, but a limiting belief is something that keeps us small, that keeps us afraid and feeling separate from others. And it could be a belief in another's badness or a belief in our own badness. Those are the most basic ones. This is the idea that something is wrong with me or something is wrong with you. And when I first published Radical Acceptance,

I was talking a lot about how deeply it's a belief and a feeling that in some way we're bad, we're falling short, we're not enough, we're always failing, and how we live in this trance of unworthiness, which is made up of limiting beliefs. And I remember teaching about that, and I went to one university, and they had a big poster announcing the workshop I was giving with a big picture of me, and the caption underneath said, something is wrong with me. i loved it because i talk about that a lot but it was an interesting welcome to a new setting to teach but you know one of the one of the examples that most struck me was a friend laura who was with her mother when her mother was dying and her mother went into a coma and right

before she died she came out with that kind of lucidity sometimes half people have right before her death. And she looked her daughter in the eye and said, you know, all my life, I thought something was wrong with me, all my life. And then she closed her eyes and those were her last words. And for my friend, it was tragic because she could see how much her mother's feeling of in some way not being enough, never living up to whatever kept her from being who she could be. It was also a gift because it let her know that this is a trance I don't want to fall into. And I think of that. There's one palliative caregiver who's a friend of mine in Australia who talks about the greatest regret of the dying and thousands and thousands of people she was with. they converged on the regret that I really didn't live true to myself. I didn't live true to my heart. And one of the ways we don't live true to ourselves is we're at war with ourselves.

We're in those limiting beliefs that are saying, you know, you should do more, you should do it differently, you should did something wrong, you know, you're letting people down. And so it's really a life practice to begin to recognize that we're hooked in that trance of unworthiness and really dedicate to getting behind ourselves. It takes a dedication. And most people, if I ask them, do you feel like you judge yourself too much? I mean, most people will say, yeah, I do. But we don't always recognize how pervasive it is and the impact of it. So that if you and I are talking and the trance of unworthiness is really predominant, it's going to prevent either of us from being spontaneous or open-hearted or as real as we

could be because the trance of unworthiness makes you want to present yourself or cover yourself or pretend. Exactly. Edit yourself. See, we don't say what we really mean to say. It affects everything. It affects how much of a risk we can take at work and it affects how intimate we can be with others. And it's interesting because I do feel like on a metaphysical level, we come here in that trance. That's part of the plan is to reawaken to ourselves and end the trance, right? But I also feel like so much of it is a legacy. I mean, I've certainly seen that in my life as I've built. I mean, I think I'm the only woman in my family who and I'm by no means perfect.

I got my own trances going on, but I really know my worthiness. I don't mean my worth in society. I may not know that all the time, but I know that fundamentally I'm so worthy of love simply because I exist. I wouldn't even say the only woman. I would say I'm the only person in my family or probably in my lineage back many generations that really fundamentally knows that. And I'm thinking about your friend with her mother. I think that's how it happens because we don't recognize our worth. We're in the trance. And then we accidentally and sometimes intentionally condition our children to not recognize their worth by editing them or shaming them or blaming them or all of those things that happened that to us that limited our worth. And it sort of becomes this legacy that has been passed down toward, you know, for generations. And I love this idea of a trance because that really is what it feels like.

And I remember talking to a girlfriend who, I mean, not that any of us are not worthy of love, but she's so worthy of love. And I was talking to her about this and she looked at me and she's one of those people that on the outside seems like she has it all together and is so fabulous and aspirational, just like lots of people. But inside, she's a hot mess because she's in that trance. And a lot of her motivation for the external things that get her so much praise is coming from that low worth. and as I was talking to her about this it really resonated with her and she looked at me with so much grief in her eyes and sadness and confusion she's like but how do you even find the worth it was such a simple question but the combination of this woman asking me that and the sweet childlike lostness in her eyes really stuck with me and that was several years ago but that's when I

really decided something has to change. And so I'm so curious, talked about these limiting beliefs. We talked about this trance, like how do you start to unpack that, unwrap that? Obviously, the first is to recognize that we're all in this trance, but then how do you start to awaken that from the trance? That's the most beautiful inquiry, because as you said, it's so pervasive. I mean, it's completely pervasive and it's passed on through families when parents for no fault of their own are in it and they just don't, you know, what do we most need? We need to feel understood and we need to feel loved.

And a lot of parents aren't able to offer that understanding and love. But it's not just parenting. The trance is created, you know, if you think of our societies and how hierarchical they are, anyone who's not in a non-dominant strata, Think of the impact of racist institutions on the minds of young people. How are they going to believe in themselves when all the messages they're getting are you are a criminal in making and you're not as intelligent as other people?

So it's most horrifically strong because of our cultural. That's true. It's not just our families of origin. It's the whole society. And trauma passes it down through generations and generations, as you're saying. There's a legacy. So the inquiry about how do you undo? And of course, there's the outer ways societally on how we undo. But the inner work is a practice. And it starts with having the intention to undo and the sense that there's something possible. That even as those of you who are listening might sense, yeah, but I really do feel like I'm falling short or I'm not that worthy. And yet there's something in you that has glimmered a sense of your own heart, some purity, some love, some sense of your own sentience and beingness that knows there's something more. It's a kind of mysterious truth of what we are that's beyond our body or our personality or anything, really, that we can point to. One of the images that really helps me comes from a story, really, a historical story, true, about this statue, this huge statue of the Buddha in Southeast Asia that survived over centuries. And people loved this statue. It was just very popular and it had gone through many changes of rule and so on. But in the 50s, there was a really bad drought and it started to crack. And people thought it was this plaster clay statue. But when it cracked, what shone through was the gleam of gold.

And when they took off the layers, they found out it was the largest solid gold statue of the Buddha throughout Southeast Asia. And here's what the monks and the historians believe, is that it was covered over with plaster and clay to protect it from invading armies, from being desecrated. And over the centuries, nobody knew that the gold was there. It was covered over because it was a dangerous time, much in the way that we cover over our own innate purity to get through difficult times. Each of us in a difficult culture that's full of addiction and violence and parenting that where we felt judged or abused or whatever, we cover ourselves over. and then exactly we cover over the gold and here's where the suffering is is that we get identified with the coverings so we start yeah we get identified with the mud not the gold exactly we think we're the defensiveness or we're the aggressiveness or we're the addictive behavior or we're maybe the athlete we think oh that's what i it's not just what you might call bad

coverings. It's also the coverings that we think show us well, but they're still coverings because it's not until we trust the essence that we really have a refuge because everything. I think that makes me want to cry the idea of the, because it's true. And I've often said that all of the stuff on the outside that we present, or even the inside, the stories we tell ourselves is like gunk. But there's this infinite, endless, untouchable, beautiful center that can't be affected by all the bullshit or all the traumas or all the dramas. It's unaffectable. It's like that God self, that essence self. And it's so hard for people to find that or to hold on to it. they may, like you said, have glimpses of it or touch into it a little bit, but they feel like

they're ruined or they're hopeless or this is just who they are. There's a lot of nevers. I'll never blah, blah, blah. Or I just can't. That's just all the mud, right? I mean, that's the gold underneath. Right. And as long as we keep talking to ourselves and believing what we're saying, we stay stuck in trance so the first step is to know we don't have to believe our thoughts like that's a liberating understanding we don't have to believe our thoughts and there are trainings of how we can pay attention that help us to wake up from that trance of our thinking and our sinking feelings to actually realize the awareness the tenderness the compassion the gratitude, the awe, the flavors of our intrinsic nature. There's a pathway,

but it takes practice. It does take training. It's like whatever we practice gets stronger. And we've each spent millions of mind moments practicing saying negative things about ourselves. So we have to kind of change those neural pathways around, but that's really where meditation comes in. That's what I was going to say. So the practice, practically. And I know you have tons and tons of beautiful guided meditations and trainings and things on your website. So if you want to check this out, it's Tara Brock, B-R-A-C-H. Is it .com? Tarabrock.com. So I know you have tons of guided meditations and ways to sort of little pathways through the mud to the goal to start. And that's what you mean by the

practice, that you're going inside beneath the stories or challenging the stories in some cases, recognizing the stories. One of my other favorite authors, Paulo Coelho, I can't, it wasn't in one of his most popular books. I've read every book, but I can't remember which one it was, but I'll never forget this line. And I've said it to myself so many times over the past 20 years. It's, you don't have to believe the story of your life you've been told. And it's so, it says a million things to me, but it's so powerful. And that's a version of what we're talking about, of going beneath the stories that we don't even know are stories. In many cases, in this trance of unworthiness, we think they're the truth of who we are. And we've all bought into the trance

on some level, the collective trance and our individual trance. So it's about that practice. And you often need a guide, especially if you don't have people in your life who are awakened from the trance themselves, right? If you're living among others who are also in this trance of unworthiness or buying into that, you need guides and teachers and healers who can help you reach into that, right? Absolutely. It's like people need trainers to help them break old habits. And it's really breaking an old habit of living in our minds and our thoughts and really being at war with ourselves. So the basic practice is one of mindfulness, of beginning to recognize what's going on so we're not caught inside it. It's like if you shine a light on it, then you're

no longer participating in it in the same way. So you change your relationship. I often think of it like an ocean with waves, and there's these different waves of limiting thoughts and feelings. And when we start paying attention to them, we realize we're the ocean. And we include changing waves, but we're not limited or defined by them. So, okay, anxiety comes up, but that doesn't mean that anxiety is your character, is who you are, just a wave in the ocean. So the way that I like to describe the practice, I often use the acronym RAIN because it's a real blend of mindfulness and self-compassion. And the acronym RAIN goes like this. The R is recognize. As I was just saying, let's say there's anxiety. Okay, anxiety, I see

you. The A is allow, which means we don't fight the wave. We just say, oh, okay, it's here. It belongs like every other wave. We're shifting our relationship to it because the habit is to think, I shouldn't be anxious. That's bad. And then add a wave of judgment to the anxiety. And a lot of other ways. so it's recognize and allow that's the a and then the i is investigate and investigate is primarily in the body because you know our issues are in our tissues and if you don't come into the body and feel what's there in some way you're at war with it and disconnected from it so the investigate is to come into the body and mindfully feel with acceptance just what's going on and the n is to

nurture. And I often put my hand on my heart because it really has to do with bringing, it's like when we think, how do we normally relate to ourselves? And usually it's as an object that's doing things wrong and we're bossing ourselves around or whatever. The N is really flipping that to becoming truly a friend to our own being. And if we can't nurture ourselves, then we call on some larger source of nurturing, but in some way we bring kindness into the whole atmosphere. And what happens when we've recognized, allowed, investigated, and nurtured, there's a shift and we're no longer inside the waves in the same way. We're no longer like trapped by the feeling of, let's say, anxiety. We're more like the ocean, that spacious field that can include it and is

no longer suffering from it. And just to maybe what I'll do, Laura, if it seems like it would be fitting is I'll share an example of how I used RAIN that really helped me in my life. And it actually was part of my motivation in writing Radical Compassion, which is a guidebook to how to do RAIN. So a number of years ago, my mother, I think she was 80, decided that it was time and she moved down here to live with my husband and I. And she first came, she needed me to help her get established roots and so on and take her places and so on. And she came at a time I was really, really busy. So I got caught. My trance of unworthiness was I was feeling constantly guilty that I wasn't doing enough for my mom and constantly anxious that I was going to let

students down by not being prepared for whatever I was teaching. So I was in this bind of anxiety and guilt. And I remember one day she walked into my office and I was actually writing a talk on my computer and she brought to show me an article she wanted that she was excited about. And I barely looked up, you know, I was so in what I was doing. And she very graciously just put down the article and left. But as she was leaving, I looked over at her and thought to myself, wow, I don't know how long I'll have her. And I decided to do RAIN because I realized this isn't the way I want to be doing it. This is not helping. Right. No, no. So the R of RAIN was, okay, recognize, oh, okay, anxiety, guilt. I could feel the mix. The A was, okay, just let it be here.

This is the reality of the moment. I'm not going to fight the reality of the moment. So A is allow. Then I started investigating. And I started by asking myself, what am I believing right now? And I was believing that I was falling short on all fronts. I was not doing a good job preparing for teaching. I was falling short with my mom. And then I felt that then I investigated further and could feel in my chest the squeeze and I really could feel it. And sense with that, that sense of like really not being a good person, that feeling. And then I just asked myself, what do you most need? What do you most need right now? And I put my hand on my heart and what I needed was to trust, just to trust. I love my mother. I love teaching.

I love the people I teach. And that care and that love will carry through. It'll work out. I just needed to trust the goodness that was inside me, trust the gold. So I gave myself that message and I imagined the universe giving it to me. I felt light and warmth from the universe coming in. And then I just sat really still. And this is called after the rain, because just like in a real rain, it's after the rain falls that you can see everything flourish, the plants kind of perk up. After the rain is a really important part of the rain practice, because that's when I could sense the shift. That's when I realized, oh, I'm not the guilty self or the anxious self. I'm a compassionate awareness that's just holding it all. And oh my gosh, I felt so much freer. So just to say, rain is not a one shot. There were many rounds where I could feel myself getting stuck again.

And I would just, I do what I call light rain. Just takes a minute. A little pitter patter. Yeah. You just kind of just, okay, anxious. Okay. Let it be. Okay.

just feel it in your body. Okay, send a message. And there's a shift even in a light rain. But it changed my way of relating with my mom. And there was, I realized that we'd have our big salads at night and I was just really there with her. I wasn't trying to get upstairs to go back to work or we'd go for our walks on the river. And I just felt this is precious. And she died just a few years later, really, Laura, it was maybe three years, four years. And great grief because I adored my mama and not having regrets, though, because rain had saved my life moments with my mom. Otherwise, even when you were with her at dinner or and even if you were physically present without going through that process and clearing it a little bit, you still wouldn't have been

fully emotionally present. You would have been thinking, oh, crap, I have all this stuff to do in my office. You wouldn't have been as present with her during those times you were with her. That's exactly the point. You've got it exactly that it freed me to just be with her. And when dust is dust, what matters? It's going to matter that we actually were there with each other. I have so many people that have ridden me through the pandemic saying that rain saved my life. And I can honestly say back, it saved my life moments with my mama. So, yeah, it's a beautiful process. But there's one aspect that I work with so much with people and I see them struggling

with. And it's something that I have struggled with through the years as well as someone who likes to be up here out of my body more. You know, those of us who had difficult childhoods or traumas or maybe just even the way that we're made, we tend to not spend a lot of time in our bodies. And I talk about this all the time on the show, but I'm sure you are aware that my son passed away tragically six months ago, nine months ago, almost now. I've had a lot of loss in my life and a lot of tragedies, and each one has brought me

a little closer to being able to allow and investigate those two, the A and the I in rain. Being in your body enough to stay with yourself in the pain and to fully feel the pain is so freaking petrifying. To me, that is the source of freedom. Once you can be in your body and allow the pain, the sadness, the fear, the anger to pass through you, not only the fear is that it's going to carry me away, that I'm going to become the wave and the wave is going to become me. And this pain is so intense and there's not going to be any end to it. And that's why people tend to push against that. And as you've said in your beautiful way, you know, that which we resist persists, right? It holds on even more when we won't feel it, but it's so scary for people to

feel it. And I felt the same way. I mean, I got better and better through the years, but it isn't really until the past nine months and out of sheer desire to survive, because I know that if I didn't feel it. It was going to make me ill. It's there whether we feel it or not. But what would you say or what strategies or guidance can you offer to those who struggle? Because once you're in the practice of it, it's easier and gets easier and easier and you gain more and more confidence in your ability and the recognition that it only takes five to 10 minutes for an authentic emotion to pass through you for that energy of anxiety, fear, sadness in the moment to move through you, you're not going to stay stuck there. But it's so hard for people to step into that,

the A and the I piece, right? Really feeling it in your body, which to me is one of the most important parts because you could do the whole RAIN process and not really be fully with yourself, not really feel it. Yeah. Well, so first off, I'm just very moved by your sharing. There's such a wisdom in what you're saying that it's excruciating, and yet there's no alternative. If you want to find any space in freedom, there's no alternative. And it takes courage to lean in, to hang in. Courage not being a fearlessness. There's fear.

It's just that there's a wisdom that knows this is the way through. And it's the only way through. You can't go around it or under it. That's for... No, you're speaking from knowing. I can feel your inside out. It's congruent. So that wisdom's in all of us somewhere that when we dissociate, we don't really avoid the pain. There's another kind of pain of basically pulling away from life. We kind of know that. And yet it's really challenging. And one of the

things that helps is to know it doesn't have to be all at once. If it feels like it's too much, There are ways to go easy and kind of love yourself into the healing. Be very tender. For people that have been traumatized, it's actually not so intelligent to try to force yourself into the rawness of the fear right away. You need to have enough of a container. You need a companion or healer or therapist. You need ways of being able to hold yourself with kindness.

you need to remember what parts of the world really hold you. Remember where love is and let that kind of space help to hold. So I encourage people to go as gradually as they need to be and to know that's the direction. What you, Laura, just said is the direction. It's towards really opening unconditionally to what's in our body. Yeah. And that's the toughest part for people. But I love when you talk about the nurturing piece is also tough for people. I remember being on vacation with my, it was probably this time of year with my kids and my husband, but also my dad, who's no longer here and his girlfriend. And it was just traumas and dramas and family toxicity and so much craziness happening. and I would repeatedly go to the bathroom and stare at myself in the eyes, be like, they're freaking crazy. Don't get sucked into. That's when I really started to become my own best friend. Like I would with my best friend, sneak into the bathroom, like, can you fucking

believe that he just said that? But it was like, there are so many beautiful ways. Like to me, that's what nurturing is. It's not only, it's a huge part of it is connecting with that essential self, that God self, universe, God, Jesus, whatever you want to call it, but it's also becoming your own best friend, which most of us aren't. We're our own worst enemy in many cases. That feels like a big part of this too, is really not only tapping into something, the thread that connects all of us and our God self and our connection to spirit, but also as part of that, our connection to ourselves, which I think is a really beautiful part of this. It is. In fact, nurturing is all the different levels, really. I mean,

we have to be able to be our own kind of best friend, giving wise, comforting messages to ourselves. We need to feel how somebody that we're with, the wisdom and love that's coming through them can be nurturing to us and practice nurturing each other. But you're right. Nurture is the deal on this planet right now if we have to say, well, what's an evolved human being? It's a human being that has the capacity to give and receive love and really give and receive nurturing. And that takes practice. It takes practice not because it's not there. We already have the capacity, but it gets blocked by fear. So it takes practice to be able to clear the way, to really be able to offer it in that way

and receive it in a way. And many people find that the hardest thing for them is receiving love. It's very, very hard to let it in. So then that becomes the practice. There are a lot of pathways to nurture. One of the pathways is I'll just put my hand on my heart and just send a message.

It's okay. It's not your fault. Trust yourself. You belong. I love you. Whatever I need to say. At other times, I will bring to mind someone that I know loves me and sense that love and care coming through them. I'm looking at my dog right now. I'll feel my dog's loving and let that in. Or sometimes it's more of a kind of spiritual formless energy. So I think it's all the different levels. And the trick is, we each have to customize. So we have to each find, well, what's the pathway

that's most accessible for me? And then practice it when you're not in the grip of trauma and drama. And that really makes a big difference too. It does. In the low stakes situations, build that muscle and then it's that much stronger in the tough times. I love that. So this has been such a beautiful and delicious conversation. And I think there's so much wisdom here. And I'm always talking to you guys about sort of the pathway to worth and finding your worth and your worthiness of love. Because if you don't love yourself, if you don't really understand, and I often talk, Tara, about the difference between self-esteem and self-love, right? self-esteem is I love myself because I'm a good person or I'm good at this or I'm kind or whatever versus self-love, which there are no conditions on and there's no why. It's simply because you're the divine, beautiful, golden Buddha. You're just underneath a shit ton of mud. That's what the key is. I really love that image. And also the natural expansion of it is if you trust your basic

goodness, you're going to look at others and rather than fixating on some part of their coverings, you're going to see the light that's shining through them. You're going to see, oh, well, this person's acting that way because they're hurting in some way. And then who's underneath? And you become what I call a mirror of the gold, which is a mirror of goodness where you actually can help people remember. And that is, I think, the greatest gift we can give each other, Laura, is when we hold another. And I really love this author, Rachel Naomi Raman. She's a medical doctor, healer, wise woman. And she describes that when she was a little girl, her grandfather was that mirror of the gold. And he called her Neshumala, which means little beloved soul. And when he died

She was afraid that God would forget her, that she'd lose that because he wasn't around to remind her and mirror the goodness. But she realized that once we've really been mirrored in that way, in a deep way, it really carries. And her mother, when her mother was an older woman and started praying, Rachel shared with her mother the grandfather's blessings. And Rachel's mother said this. she said, Rachel, I have prayed for you every day of your life. I just never had the wisdom to do it out loud. That makes me want to cry. So not to hold it back. We feel love towards people. We don't tell them. We feel appreciation, but we don't say it. Say it out loud. Don't wait. Yeah, I do that. I really started making a practice of that several years ago. Whenever

I think of someone, even if it's someone I haven't spoken to in a year, I shoot them a text and I just say, I'm just thinking about you with so much love because it means so much to me when I receive that. I love that idea of being a mirror of the gold. I always call that a soul mirror, right? But I love that. And I'm so grateful to you for being our mirror of the gold. You're a beautiful, shiny, gorgeous mirror. And I so appreciate you and all of the beautiful work that you do in the world to help us find our worth. I know there's so many books that Tara has written, but Trusting the Gold is an illustrated one.

It's a really beautiful gift. Radical Acceptance was the first one I read. Radical Compassion, Trusting the Gold, check out her podcast. Is there anything else that you want to make sure I mentioned before we regretfully and say farewell to you? No, you've already mentioned the main thing,

which is I have countless meditations and talks on how to practice these meditations and teachings and they're free. I mean, most of them are free. And so I really invite everybody to my website. Thank you. Thank you so much for the beauty you are in the world. And you, Laura, you're doing a beautiful service, bringing people together in this way. And with so much wisdom and so much juice, you got a lot of passion. It's great. Thank you. Thank you.

All I wanna do, I wanna do is take you home with me I wanna make a move, I wanna make a move But I'm too shy