Language of Love with Dr. Laura Berman - Little White Lies

Episode Date: November 9, 2022

Are little white lies in love ok? If your partner omits details or information, is it a warning sign that you should run for the hills? In this Language of Love Session, I’m talking with a listener who has some concerns about lies in love and how to determine if they are deal breakers for your relationship. I also go into how your past plays into the problems you face in your current relationships and how you may unknowingly be contributing to the issue. In this Session, we talk about: How to identify whether past wounds are seeping into your current relationship The importance of setting the stage, identifying boundaries and getting the changes you want to see in your relationship Recognizing codependent behavior and how to manage it  Identifying how easy you make it (or not) for someone to be honest with you   A 90-Day exercise to reset and prove that you can both change your habits to create healthier communication and a more trusting bond between the two of you Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, I'm sex, love, and relationship therapist, Dr. Laura Berman, and for the last 30 years, I've been helping people learn to love and be loved better. Welcome to the Language of Love Sessions. This is where I get to work with you one-on-one, on air. You, my listeners, my goal in these sessions is to empower you to enjoy better relationships, both with others and with yourself, and to help you embrace how precious and sacred your body, your love life, and your sexuality really is. It's time we all become fluent in the language of love. Sarah, what's on your mind? How can I help? Hi, Dr. Berman. I keep running into the same

issue in my relationship. I am divorced. I went through a tough divorce. I was lied to a lot in my marriage. And I find that most of the times that we end up having problems, it's due to trust issues. Like I assume I'm being lied to. I catch little inconsistencies and I don't know how much is me being guarded or like, I don't know how to process it. And I don't know how to fix it. Well, I mean, it makes sense, right? Because especially if you were lied to, and I'm guessing maybe cheated on were you cheated on too in the relationship not that i know of but like lied about having a job and didn't have a job and things like that okay so when you've been lied to or cheated on or both you kind of feel bamboozled you or gobsmacked or however you want to say it

and one of the longer lasting effects of that is not really trust well two things one not really trusting your own compass, right? So if you, especially if you were lied to over a long period of time, and then you eventually found out the truth, you think like, how in the hell did I not know? How did I not see it? How, you know, so there's all of that. And then you lose confidence in your sniffer, right? In your ability to kind of know when you're being lied to, much less be able to trust people around you are going to tell you the truth, right? It's almost like a form of PTSD, but I don't mean to minimize real PTSD. And in some cases, someone who went through a horrible divorce, if it was really toxic and abusive, it is like official

PTSD. But this is a very subtle kind of form of it, a very informal form of it, but a very real form of it. Because a lot of times in our current relationships, the ghost of the difficulties and traumas, big T and little T traumas of that past relationship are kind of playing out in our current one. And that's one of the reasons it's so important to heal, resolve, become whole again before you get back out there. So let me just ask you that first, before I go on to the second reason, because it's related to this, why this becomes an issue in a later relationship. How long were you single before you got involved with your current relationship? Two and a half years. and a lot of time trying to work on myself but what i'm finding is that and i've tried to explain

this to him is like the closer we get then like new fears come up right like of course i never knew i was going to open that door in my heart again i didn't know i was going to feel this way and then i think i'm like you said like you're i can't remember how you just put it but it's like i don't trust my own gut so i don't because i've convinced myself before i wasn't being lied to and i was in a big way and then it's like i turn around and i even dumb little things i i don't want to make them an issue but then i like stop myself and i have to question like okay is this a lie do i think am i really being lied to does it really matter but is it a symptom of a bigger problem and then i just overanalyze right right okay so good news

is you took those couple of years because that's super important to take that time and not just jump right back into a new relationship because we're all going to carry our baggage into the next relationship. And in the next relationship, you are going to have those old ghosts come forward, right? And especially if you were betrayed, you're going to be insecure. But also, if you haven't really resolved your trust in your own gut or for someone else, your ability to really believe in your instincts or your sense of worthiness of love or filling your blank there, if you haven't really done that yet, then sometimes you can be a match. You're accidentally calling in and being attracted to and attracting in someone who is going to reenact those wounds.

That's the reason it's so important to heal first before you date again or find love again, but also kind of the key issues in the relationship that you really get a handle on. Because otherwise, like if you went into this relation, you know, if you went into your dating life, I don't know how long you've been with this guy, but if you went into your dating life when you met him, still not really confident in your ability to not only sense your gut instinct, as you said, the truth, but also to unequivocally require integrity and truth. And that that was one of the top three qualities you were really requiring in a relationship, then you could very likely be a frequency match. If you don't do that, you would be a frequency match for someone

who is a little bit of a fibber or a huge liar. So that's not to say that the guy you're with is a liar. I don't know. But how long have you been together? Two years. Okay. And so when you say there are these, it sounds to me like there are these little red flags happening. You haven't necessarily caught him in like a flat out horrific lie, but there have been some things that red flags that have been happening. I don't know if it's been more recently or throughout the course of the relationship that are giving you concern. So tell me some examples of, of what what's come up. Like, I feel like the quote unquote omissions or the fibs or the lies that I find out about are things that he, when I look at them after I'm done being upset are like things that he would feel he

would get up in trouble for maybe in his marriage, maybe in his past relationships. Right. So he, instead of letting me show him how I would react to something that he's afraid to bring to the table, which is something as dumb as like, you know, if he's traveling for work and he has to go out to dinner with coworkers or a woman or whatever, like just tell me, and then I'll be okay with it. But when you hide it, then I start feeling like, why are you hiding it? What's going on? Like, you know, and then all of a sudden I'm all triggered and a freak and I can't stop myself from like overanalyzing. Is that your trauma being triggered? Exactly. So it's like, I find we're both obviously have wounds and we try really hard and we're really good at talking through

things and working through them. And I recognizing, okay, we've both been through a lot and we have some issues and all that, but we always end up in the same spot where it's like, I feel like he, that's like our thing that we can't get past. So I don't know if that's the lesson. Well, one of the things that I think is you're explaining so perfectly is one of the things that I find so fascinating about every single love relationship is that we always fall in love with someone whose wounds are like the match to ours, right? So in your case, your wound is being being misled, someone not being honest with you, not being told the truth. Right. And his wound is I can't tell like I have to withhold the truth because it's unsafe. This person can't hold the

truth, can't hold my truth. Even simple things like you were saying, oh, I'm going out with colleagues and some of them or all of them or one of them is a woman. Right. And and maybe that would have made because of her own baggage back, you know, his ex-wife's baggage. Maybe that would have sent her into a tailspin. So he learned not to even mention it. Right. And here he is. So he's been conditioned through his wounds to withhold things. And you've been conditioned with your wounds to be wounded by withholds. Right. Private investigator, basically. Yeah. And who wants that? Right. So here's the thing. I agree with you that there are some red flags. If he has been, even if there are good reasons for it, if he is able to withhold in

good conscience, I'm not saying he doesn't tell you that he went out with a female colleague that night because he was worried and it was his old wound. And then the next day he comes to you and says, hey, you know what? I feel really funny about something. I did this last night because I just was like in this old pattern and I want to come clean with you. Like that would be great. But if he's like withholding this kind of stuff, these small, quote unquote, small things until you find out accidentally or until somehow it's revealed, if that's what's happening, then that is a red flag for two key reasons. One, because a la Maya Angelou, when someone shows you who they are, or in this case, gives you a little hint about the fact that he can withhold the truth and still feel in flow about it, when someone shows you who they are, believe them, right?

So who's to say, like, is there a continuum of being able to lie, right? Like my youngest son's struggles with anxiety. And one of the gifts for his mama of his anxiety is that he can't lie to me. Well, no, no, I should. That's not true. He can probably fib and lie to me, but he gets really anxious if something has happened and he doesn't tell me the truth or if he's done something that I wouldn't approve of and he doesn't tell me. And this wasn't because I didn't intend to plant some anxiety seed in him that the sky would fall on him if he doesn't tell his mama things, but he does because that's his sort of wound, right?

That he or his anxiety. And so I'm not saying that we have to tell absolutely everything to our partners, but if we are intentionally withholding, that is a withhold and a withhold is a block to intimacy. that's what I, okay. I didn't say it as eloquently as you did, but I said, how can I feel close to someone when I feel like we're on the same page? And then I turned around and like, see a picture online at your office and you're with people that you totally omitted, right. Or you didn't tell them the truth about or whatever. And then you think a hundred things worse, right. That it was

just a little dinner. You think why in the world would you withhold that unless there was something concerning about it. And then, you know, when the fights start going or arguments or conversation, whatever you want to call them, they, it's like, then like, well, how did that even, like, what does that even matter? Why that doesn't like, what did I really do? I didn't hurt you. I didn't cheat on you. I'm like, right, but you've reached my trust. And now I feel like what else is exciting, right? Well, he must understand your history and that this is something that trust is, well, first of all, trust is crucial for all of us to relax and to love and be willing to be vulnerable and open our hearts fully. We have to feel safe, right? But especially if we've

experienced some trauma around trust, that's going to be even more important, that kind of integrity and clarity. Now there's a flip side to this, right? Because if he has this wound around from his past marriage around being attacked or tortured, you know, emotionally tortured or whatever, when he did tell the truth, then he's going to have his own little trauma reaction to your reactions to things. Right. So if when he tells you, hey, actually, I when I told you I was just going back to the room, I was, you know, I don't know why I did this. It was like I was, you know, just a knee jerk reaction from my past. I didn't tell you that I was going out with this group of people from the office. And I feel really funny about that. And then if you flip out on him,

right? And or you flip out on him when he does tell you these truths, then that's going to trigger his trauma and he's going to withhold even more. If you are calm and accepting when he tells you the truth, including sometimes those truths you're not too excited about, but you're mature about it and calm about it. And you can actually even say, I mean, I'm not saying you pretend everything is sweetness and light when he's telling you the truth about something that disappoints you or makes you feel a little insecure or whatever else, like you can say that, but it's how you say it. And it's saying it in a way that also reinforces the relationship. Like, I'm not mad. I get that you went out, like, you know, I'm not going to beat you up about this, but I got to say like,

there is, I do have a hitch in my stomach about it. I do feel a little insecure about, you know, whatever that was. Right. Like, so you can be honest while still being supportive and accepting and making it super easy for a squeamish truth teller to tell you the truth. You see what I'm saying? So do you think you do that? Yeah. No. Do I think I do what?

Do you make it easy for him to tell you the truth? Well, no, because I think, no. You said something on one of your videos recently that I was watching on Instagram, which I, that was like, look at yourself and like, how easy are you to talk to and how easy, and I think, and then like, we can sense each other's energy. And I think he can sense my energy when he's like, not even through the door yet. Like, even if I say, oh, that's okay. He feels like I'm going to like, it's going to come up later or somehow it's not okay. And then does it come up later? Well, maybe sometimes.

Yeah. Okay. Well, I mean, that's, look, so there's two ways to go about this, right? One is that you get super clear inside yourself that of the top three thing deal breakers and everybody must have their deal breakers. Right. Like for me personally, not that I have anything against addiction. I understand it's an illness. But because of my history and my family of origin with it and my extended family, that's a deal breaker for me. Like I can't personally. That's just me. Like I could not be in a love relationship with someone who is maybe in recovery. That would be fine if they were in really solid recovery. But in active addiction, like no way that I can't. Calculating route to avoid seeing poverty. Turn left to bypass the unhoused youth sleeping on the street. Then keep right to skip by the lines of people waiting for food. Steer clear of the crowded shelter turning people away. Then take the next exit. Let's stop looking away and get in the way of rising poverty. Your donations help the United Way fight poverty in thousands of ways, like providing food, shelter, and crisis prevention. Donate today at unitedwaygt.org.

And the other is, and I think this should be for you too, probably given your history and who you are, the other is integrity. I'm not saying that he has to be 100% perfect and all, you know, none of us can tell the truth. We all kind of slip sometimes or tell a white lie to get out of an event we don't want to go to or say, I'm sorry, I have to take my kids somewhere when we really don't. We've all done things like that. But in a love relationship, especially with someone like you for whom integrity and truth is so important, you need to be with someone who understands that and is 100% committed to telling you the truth, even when it stings.

Okay. So that's the first thing. Now I'm not saying you have to kick this guy to the curb now and forget it because, but that may be right. If he can't rise to the occasion of what I'm going to suggest in a second, then it may be like, how can you, it's a shaky foundation, especially for someone like you. But quite frankly, I think it should be for anyone, right? If you're going to have, especially if you're going to have, well, any, even if you had a non-monogamous relationship, you have to be able to completely trust someone if you're going to be vulnerable and open-hearted in love. You have to. And if you can't trust because of your own wounds, then you're not going to be able to do it. And if you can't trust them because of the

stuff they're doing or withholding or however they're not showing up, then you still can't do it with them, right? So you must have trust. And for you, trust means integrity, means telling me the truth, even when it's a truth that I'm not going to like so much, right? Now, the flip side of that is, do you have kids? Yes. Okay. And are they grown now? They're in college age. Okay. So you already know, right? As a mom, you've been a mom for long enough to know that if you want your kids to tell you the truth, you got to make it as easy as possible, right? You might be disappointed. They may even get, have gotten a consequence when the truth came out of something they'd done that was against the rules or whatever they might've been grounded or had a phone date, whatever it

was, right? But you were always loving and supportive and you knew you learned if you didn't know it in the beginning of your mothering career, you, I'm sure you eventually learned that the best way to get your kids to tell you the truth is to make it as easy as possible for them to tell you the truth. The kids who don't tell the truth to their parents are the ones that are scared of being beaten or having their entire lives blown up

when they tell their parents the truth. Correct, I understand that, yes. Hey, don't forget to go to drlauraberman.com. You can find so much great information there and sign up for my newsletter so you get weekly updates on how to love and be loved better. And also on my website, you can get my brand new ebook.

You're not crazy. You're just ascending. It's a practical guide to spiritual awakening that many of us are going through right now. And it's enough to make you feel crazy. So check it out. I'm here for you. Always helping you learn to love and be loved better.

It's the same thing with love. You have to keep your eye on the prize. The prize is his complete honesty. And that is more important right now, especially since it's these smaller transgressions he's doing. His honesty with you is more important than the transgression he's being honest about, even if it hurts you, right? So you could get all caught up in what the transgression was or what the thing was that he's being honest about that he otherwise wouldn't be. But what's most important now is that you train him in a way past his trauma of the past to feel like it's safe to give you the truth. And you have to. And because it sounds like he's very empathetic and feels even if you have a smile on your face saying, oh, that's OK.

He feels the agitation underneath, right? You have to really be okay with it. You have to be able to talk yourself down in the moment and say like, okay, this does piss me off, but he's telling me the truth. And so I can hold on to that, right? Now that's assuming he's willing to and able. And what I would suggest, if you are going to do this with him, that you have a real conversation and you say, look, these little truths you've been withholding from me, I

understand. It's not like you went on a date with someone else or you were in a different country when you were said you were down. You know, I understand. But that's not the point. The point is, I have realized that because of who I am and my past. Truth is a deal breaker for me. If I need complete integrity and truth and I can take my hundred percent that maybe I haven't been someone who has made it as easy as I could have made it for you to tell me the truth. And so what I want to do is I want to clean the slate, reboot things here, like forget everything that's happened in the past and see if you were willing to make this agreement to if you agree to tell me the complete truth, I agree to tell you the complete truth. We're

not going to withhold anything from each other anymore. Okay. So you have to tell me, you know, you can't lie to me, even if you think it, even if it's in the moment, because you want to avoid disappointing me. I need, it disappoints me so much more when I find out you withheld a truth than anything you could tell me the truth about. And my hundred percent is that I'm going to be in integrity with myself and honor, so greatly honor the truth with you that the truth is you telling me the truth is going to be so much more important than whatever you're telling me the truth about. And I'm going to promise you that I am not going to give you a hard time about telling me the truth. I'm not going to punish you. I'm not going to, I mean, emotionally, obviously,

you're not going to ground him, but I'm going to really honor, even if a part of me wants to get squeamish or upset or get triggered, like it's more important to me because I care about you so much. And I do see a future with you, but I can't have it with you if I can't soften into the trust. If I, for good or for bad, if I don't have trust the way I'm wired because of my life experience and because of who I am, if I don't have trust, I can't sustain love. And I want to sustain love with you. So I have to be able to trust you. Calculating route to avoid seeing poverty. Turn left to bypass the unhoused youth sleeping on the street. Then keep right to skip by the lines of people waiting for food. Steer clear of the crowded shelter turning people

away. Then take the next exit. Let's stop looking away and get in the way of rising poverty. Your donations help the United Way fight poverty in thousands of ways, like providing food, shelter and crisis prevention donate today at unitedwaygt.org so in that moment because it's all like it's all very logical for me and i'm like yep yep you're 100 right but then my heart starts beating when you say like you have to just do this because like i start feeling like how will i not react how will i not do that because i you mean in the moment when he tells you something right you can say part of it is his learning right right so i'm not suggesting that you tiptoe around his wounds and like really truly inside yourself say okay and like and bypass how

you really feel right like I don't know what he's telling you the truth about can you give me an example of something that he could have told you the truth about that you would have gotten really upset about well this was this was dumb but it was not an example like after several other things it happened, but like they had a company Christmas party and he said it was at some like stiff, like, I don't know why, but he was like, oh, it was at this Italian restaurant. And we all just sat around this table and, you know, it was pretty short and sweet. And then like, on like, I don't know, like a week later, something pops up on Twitter and I see a picture of all of them at like a restaurant where that has games and they're broken into teams and they're all playing

and having fun. And I'm like, and I said, the best company Christmas party ever. And I'm like, why was that even why did he do that why what was his explanation he kept saying i don't know i just forgot the name of the restaurant i'm like well no no that's a very different scene than you described to me like i don't understand the rub like what is that and then he just it was like he his ex it's a family business with his ex family and so he was very like he's always his ex-wife was there and i just so he probably thought because i'm thinking why doesn't he want to take you with him. But that makes sense. He thought it would be awkward to have you there. And no spouses were there. Right. So it's like a small company, like 10 people or something.

And so there were no spouses there. It was just. But so why is he lying about the party then? Why is he making it seem. Get him. Yeah. So he's got he's got a codependency issue. So so let's just backtrack for a minute. Right. The Christmas party is coming and he says, yeah, we're going to this really cool game place and it seems like it's going to be fun. Or afterwards, he comes home and says, yeah, that was one of the best Christmas parties ever. Yeah. Would you have gotten angry? I don't think so, but he would say probably that I got stiff and then wanted to like like like if I were to ask any questions like, oh, like whose team are you on or who was there?

You know, like just. But would you be asking those questions? Like, forget him for a minute. Forget his interpretation and reaction. Okay. Just the catalyst. He comes home and says, boy, that was one of the best Christmas parties ever. It was at this really cool place.

And then you said, oh, would you get a hitch inside you? Or would you really out of curiosity want to know more? Well. I would want to say that I'm cool enough that I would just out of curiosity want to know more. But because there's been so many little things like that, I would be like, oh. No, but we're not doing that. Right. Like that. I understand that that's part of the past informs the future. Right. But like what I'm trying to get a handle on now is what your authentic reaction to truth is, what kind of truths he could tell you that might trigger you or not. because what you said a minute ago is that I don't know that I can really be cool. Well, if you knew

that he was really telling you the truth and this was an agreement you were making and you took that leap after you made that agreement and you said, okay, I may end up getting burned here, but for the next three months, I'm going to just take everything he says at face value and not question it. And I have to do that in order to save this relationship. I have to let the past go and be willing. If he really is looking me in the eye and saying, I won't do it anymore, and I'll tell you the truth from now on, then my job is to trust that. And he comes home and he says, it was a great party and you have decided you're not going to question whether or not it's the truth, right? Like if some other guy, forget the history, came and said it was a great Christmas

party, even if it was his ex-wife's company, would you have gotten triggered by that? I don't know. I think that it's no. And I think that if I felt relaxed enough that I know you're telling me the truth and you're hiding, I would feel like, good, let's share and let's talk. And now I just, you know, it's hard and it makes me sad when these, because it's like, it's not a major issue, but it's like, because it's an issue, it just keeps popping up. And so, well, a million little pricks will eventually bleed you out, right? It doesn't have to be a huge betrayal, but even having this conversation with you has been like pulling teeth to, no, it's not your fault. No. The point is the point I'm trying to make this, I didn't mean it as an insult.

what I mean is that you don't trust this guy. You don't feel like he's in integrity. And so that colors every interaction you have. And then that makes you more reactive when he tells you something because you think, well, okay, you're telling me only part of the truth. And then you start interviewing him for the truth rather than interviewing him as a loving partner who's supportive and excited for, or accepting at the bare minimum of the truth that he's given you. Right. And you could have even been someone, if you have a healthy relationship and you're both honest, he could come to you and say, yeah, this was one of the best Christmas parties ever. And it would even be okay for you to say, I'm so glad you had a good time, but there's also

a part of me that feels really sad that I couldn't be there with you. Or there's also a part of me that feels a little insecure that you had this great time. Like I get that you work with your ex-wife's, you know, company and that's all cool. But if I'm being completely honest, just there's just this little hitch. You don't have to do anything about it, but I do feel a little hitchy about it, but I'm excited you had a good time. Like that's an honest relationship without withholds. Okay. Do you see what I mean? But I want that. That's how I, that's what in my head, how it plays out. And then somewhere it takes left turns and it gets all messed up and then it's hard and it's emotions. And it's like you said, fear. And then when you start asking him

questions, he knows you're asking him questions, interviewing to see where he lied. And then he's defensive and doesn't want to play. And then his wounds come up about being interviewed and someone being suspicious. And so you're triggering each other's wounds. And so you have to just raise, if you want to give this relationship a shot and it may quite frankly be, I am getting how do i put this because i don't think this relationship is necessarily doomed but i do wonder if he's wounded enough that and codependent enough that this is going to be harder too hard for him to like when you say codependent enough what does that mean like it means that he can't be with anyone's disapproval oh okay if you disapprove of

something that he's done or said, or if somebody he cares about is disappointed in him, he can't hold that. He will do anything not to face your, I mean, their codependence comes in all different flavors, but this is his flavor, I think, that he would say or do anything to avoid facing your disappointment because that brings up all of his abandonment issues from childhood and hypercritical parents and whatever else he had going on. And so people like that have a really hard time being truthful. They tell a lot of white lies. They frame things to, you know, in their best light. They're telling a story, thinking more about your reaction than the truth of the story, that kind of thing. Right. So that may just, I'm not saying that is the case because I don't know

this guy. Right. That's just a gut instinct I have. I don't know if it's true or not. I might be projecting here. I think you're, I actually think you're spot on. I think he's gone through a lot of trauma and he's, he, you know, he, he went through a tough cancer battle and his wife divorced him in the middle of it. And yeah, so he's been abandoned. And my guess is that was the most recent abandonment, but he's probably been abandoned at least emotionally, if not literally a lot in his life. And so what I would suggest is that you have like a really explicit conversation with them and say, look, I feel like we've been spiraling. We've been having all these discussions. There's this one theme that just is the one thread in our relationship that isn't

working, but I am realizing it really is a deal breaker for me. And I want this relationship to work more than anything. And I love you and I'm invested in it, but I must, I require integrity. I require the truth, and that means the small little truths and the great big truths. Any non-truth, any time you withhold the truth from me, that is not an integrity. That is a lie that makes me feel unsafe. I can't trust you, and it's a deal breaker for me. And so what I am proposing is that we just try something different. And I am going to just, I'm willing, if you are too, to wipe the slate clean of everything that's happened before now and ask you if you are willing to be completely transparent with me and completely honest.

And if you are willing to commit to that, I can promise you that I will not interview you or check up on you if you're lying or have a negative reaction. because quite frankly, the truths that I find out that you've withheld from me aren't an issue. It's the fact that you held the truth back that is the issue. So I don't think I'm gonna have any, I'm not gonna punish you. I'm not gonna be angry at you.

I'm not gonna reject you. And the reason, and I don't think I've shown you that that's who I am, except in relation to you withholding the truth. And so I think what's been happening is that I've been triggering your wounds of your ex-wife coming down too hard on you about things and you've been triggering my wounds

about not being told the truth. And if this relationship is gonna work, we have to reverse that. So what I would like to propose is at least, let's revisit this in three months, but if you are willing and you can promise me that you are not gonna withhold things, even if you think they might bother me

or you could imagine they might hurt my feelings, I want the truth. Can you commit to totally and completely giving me the truth if I can commit to holding that truth with love and open heartedness? And if that and if we can both agree to that, then let's see what happens over the next three months. And I won't check up on you and be a detective or anything else. I'm going to believe what you say is the truth and I'm going to trust you. But you have to be trustworthy. OK, I can do that.

Does that sound like it would work? And if you had made a decision that he is telling you the truth and you're just doing this for three months, so you're not going to be bamboozled in the long run, right? Right. For the next three months, take a chance on trusting him, right? Yeah. And if he agrees. Yeah.

And I'd love it because I get tired. It's hard. It's exhausting. Yeah. And I want to feel relaxed and happy and fun all the time. Okay. I appreciate that. Thank you.

Really helpful. You're welcome. And will you let us know how it goes? Yeah, I'll call you back in 90 days. Okay, good. 90 day truth experiment. I love it. Lots of luck to you.

Thank you, Dr. Laura. You're welcome. Thank you for listening. And if you have a question or something you want to dive into with me on language of love sessions, I'm always here for you, helping you learn to love and be loved better.

Calculating route to avoid seeing poverty. Turn left to bypass the unhoused youth sleeping on the street. Then keep right to skip by the lines of people waiting for food. Steer clear of the crowded shelter turning people away. Then take the next exit. let's stop looking away and get in the way of rising poverty your donations help the united way fight poverty in thousands of ways like providing food shelter and crisis prevention donate today at unitedwaygt.org this family is on the brink of civil war mob land the hit original

series is now streaming on paramount plus we are the harrigans don't know them yet From the underworld of Guy Ritchie Do you want to step up the ladder? I want Comet dead Starring Tom Hardy, Pierce Brosnan and Helen Mirren Do I have to do everything myself? You want more? I'll give you more! Mobland, new season is now streaming on Paramount Plus