Language of Love with Dr. Laura Berman - Lost in Translation: Are You Speaking Your Partner's Love Language Wrong?

Episode Date: April 14, 2025

Are you loving your partner the way they need to be loved? In this Language of Love Bite, we tackle the subtle mistakes that might be undermining your efforts to love your partner well. Whether it's distracted quality time or misunderstood acts of service, these miscommunications can leave both partners feeling frustrated and disconnected. But here's the good news: with a few simple adjustments, you can start loving your partner in ways that truly land. If you're new to love languages, make sure to check out our previous episode where we break down all five languages in detail. And stick around until the end of this episode, where I share one powerful question that can transform how you show up for your partner. Here’s what we dive into: Why generic compliments often fall flat (and what to say instead) How technology is secretly sabotaging your relationship The "foreplay" question that delights partners  How to use physical touch in a way that fortifies connection  How to give gifts that truly touch their heart, without breaking the bank The one simple question that will tell you exactly how your partner wants to be loved Remember to check out my free Love Languages Quiz to discover your primary love language and start improving your relationship today. Remember, love isn't just about what you give - it's about how it's received. And make sure to check out my newest book Sex Magic: Take Your Body, Mind and Relationship to the Next Level with Spectacular Intimacy.  Got a love language success story or struggle? Email us at [e-mail] - we might feature your story in a future episode. And don't forget to share this with someone who's trying to love their partner better, because we all deserve to feel loved in ways that truly resonate. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, I'm sex, love, and relationship therapist, Dr. Laura Berman, and for the last 30 years, I've been helping people just like you learn to love and be loved better. Welcome to the Language of Love Bites, where I tackle your most asked questions and requested topics. These episodes are designed to be fun, quick, and to the point. It's time we all become fluent in the language of love. Are you speaking your partner's love language wrong? Now, we've all heard about love languages again and again. I'm a big fan of understanding how your partner likes to receive love and the

importance of loving your partner in a way that lands. And there are five main love languages that are really important to understand. I've made a video, at least one, if not multiple videos about love languages. So just go to the link here and you'll be able to find those to learn more about how love languages work. In this video, we're going to talk about the subtle mistakes that could be pushing your partner away, even though you're trying to speak to them in their language of love. So we're going to break it down together. And at the end of this episode, I'm going to share one small shift that you can make in any love language that will supercharge your connection instantly. So let's go through each love language and talk about the common

mistakes I see people making. The first, words of affirmation. Now, words of affirmation is basically when someone has that love language, they want appreciation. They want words of love. That's what makes them feel loved. Now, the most common mistake people make in this arena that I see is generic compliments like, you're great, you're amazing. Now, there's nothing wrong with that, but you could say that to anyone. If you really wanted to land with your partner, you want it to be specific and heartfelt. So instead of saying, you're amazing, maybe you say something like, I admire so much how hard you work to support our family or how hard you work to make things beautiful for our children every day, make them feel safe and loved and cared for. Really giving

specifics make a huge difference. Next love language we'll tackle, quality time. So people who receive love and whose love language is quality time, want your time, want your attention. You spending time with them makes them feel loved. Now, what I see as the biggest mistake people make in this regard is spending time together, but scrolling on their phones or their technology while they're doing so. So just sitting in the same room with your partner or sitting next to them, even if you're touching them, without giving them your undivided attention is not going to land with them as quality time. So if you want to really have that love language land, you want to be fully present. Turn off the devices. Engage in meaningful activities together. You can cook

together. You can hang out together. You can listen to music together. But keep the technology out of it. Make sure that you are fully present and giving them your full attention while you're with them. Hey, it's Dr. Laura Berman. I've been a sex, love, and relationship therapist for over 30 years. And the main question I always get asked is how the heck do we spice it up in a long-term monogamous relationship? Well, if you want to take your love life, your sex life to the next level, whether you're in a relationship or not, check out my free course on quantum sex. It's going to teach you how to take your sexual response to the next level capable of full body orgasms, how to use sex magic to manifest your dreams and how to connect on an even deeper level

sexually with your partner. Just go to drlauraberman.com and you'll find it right there on the homepage, the quantum sex free course. Check it out. Let me know what you think. The third love language we're going to tackle is acts of service. So people who have this love language, when you do something for them to make their lives easier or to make them more beautiful or wonderful, that makes them feel loved. Now, the biggest mistake I see people making in this regard is doing what you think your partner wants without asking. So you have to communicate. Maybe there are those things like you know that your partner hates to fill their car up with gas. So if they really can't stand it, yeah, go and fill their car up with gas or get it washed or

whatever. But I think in general, if you say to your partner, what's one thing I can do this week or today that would make your life easier, that's like foreplay for someone with an active service love language. So ask them, what can I do to make your life easier today, honey? And you will see them light up. Now, for those whose love language is physical touch, the biggest mistake I see folks make is focusing only on sexual touch. Now, sexual touch goes a long way, and that definitely counts as physical touch, but you're missing a whole range of opportunities to make your partner feel loved when you limit your physical touch to sex. You want to add affectionate, non-sexual touch, like holding hands, hugging, a gentle back rub, a tushy pinch as you walk by, whatever it is,

make sure to incorporate physical touch outside the bedroom, not just as part of foreplay and sex. Finally, those with the love language of receiving gifts, gifts really make a difference to them. And it doesn't have to be the most expensive, fancy thing on the shelf. I think a lot of people make the mistake of valuing price over thoughtfulness. So you want to really pay attention. This is where the gifts land. You want to pay attention to your partner's preferences, things that really matter to them, and make it meaningful. So maybe you get them something that they've always wanted or something that you know they would love or something that really tickles them. But you can also just give them a handwritten love note or make them their favorite snack.

and deliver it to them at work, or on the couch, or wherever they are. That can be considered a gift as well. Now, are you ready for the bonus shift move you can make? Simple. Ask your partner this one question directly. How can I improve the way that I show you love? How can I improve the way that I show you love? No matter what their love language is, you're going to learn all sorts of ways you can land your love better in your partner's language of love and become fluent in it. So there you go. If you like this episode, make sure to follow on your favorite podcast platform.