Language of Love with Dr. Laura Berman - Nick Cannon Opens Up About His Love Life

Episode Date: February 16, 2022

On this episode of “The Language of Love,” Dr. Laura Berman sits down with television personality Nick Cannon. As you may know, Dr. Berman has appeared on “The Nick Cannon Show” multiple times, both to help him recover from the grief of losing his infant son, as well as to help him explore the idea of temporary celibacy. Nick’s love life has been very complicated as he has multiple on-and-off relationships with the mothers of his children, and he comes to Dr. Berman seeking some clarity and direction around his romantic future. Nick has fathered 7 kids with four different women, and now he is expecting his 8th child with former Wild ‘N Out colleague Bre Tiesi. While many have been critical of Nick’s decisions, he has made the intentional choice to be more conscious about his love life and the choices he makes when it comes to sex. There’s just one problem: Due to his fears about STIs and unsafe sex, he prefers to be intimate with the women he knows and trusts (the mothers of his children), but this inevitably leads to jealousy and anger. “I just don’t feel like monogamy is healthy,” Nick confesses. “I feel like that gets into the states of selfishness and ownership.” Nick says that in all of his relationships, he expects that the woman will eventually get tired of his ‘sh*#” and leave him, which Dr. Berman encourages him to explore. Could it be that his fear of being left or discarded is contributing to his fear of monogamy and true, lasting commitment? “I am the guy that your mom warned you about,” he admits. “I am a better friend and companion, then I am boyfriend, relationship, husband, all of those things.” In the end, Nick says his ultimate goal is to the best father he can be, and to continue maturing and learning on his journey though love and life. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, I'm Dr. Laura Berman, a sex and relationship therapist. And for the past three decades, I've been helping people learn how to love and be loved better. That's what we're doing here on The Language of Love, where I get to answer calls and emails from people just like you. My goal with The Language of Love is to help you discover more meaningful emotional and physical intimacy and to help you build more awareness of how precious and sacred your sexuality really is. Be sure to email me or reach out with your very own love sex relationship

questions, and I might just answer them live on the air. It's time we all become fluent in the language of love. Nick Cannon, he's garnered a lot of attention, especially recently when the news broke that he has another baby on the way. This will be his eighth baby by five different women, which has definitely made him the subject of criticism. But take it from me. Nick is a deeply loving and devoted dad. And while his romantic life is definitely complicated, to say the least, he is truly on a path of spiritual discovery. Now, how do I know this? Well, I sat down with Nick And he got pretty real with me about his feelings about monogamy, his baby mamas, and why he struggles with commitment. How many do you have?

Currently, seven. Seven? Yeah. Okay. With some possibles. Are you kidding? But that's, again, we'll get to that later. Wait, wait, wait.

So seven children and how many mamas? Five? Five. Let's go with five. Let's say five. i mean do you know yeah i mean i'm just if i'm sitting there counting like it's yeah it's it's fine i know you have co-parenting relationships with all of them obviously but how many do you have romantic relationships with consistently over the past well that's what i'm saying if

we're gonna say if we're gonna be honest i mean like obviously kids keep coming so it's like it's all all of the i mean obviously uh mariah and i co-parent very well so she and i are just like They were really great friends and she's kind of taught me so much. So like, that's a, that's family. Yeah. And you were married to her also. And that's a different kind of, it's a different, but these other five or six. Now we got the six back.

I like how we keep going up. Well, I don't trust your five. Like, is it like a sister white? Not that they're wives. It's definitely not that they don't want any parts of any polygamy. But do they know that you're romantically and or physically involved with the other mamas? Yeah, I think they have to. I think the world knows.

No, not necessarily. You could be co-parenting with, like, what I assumed at first was that you were co-parenting, you know, not only with Mariah, but with these other mothers. And maybe one of them, the most recent one, you were in a relationship with. And I think that's what I struggle with, because even when I define relationship or love, And it's like, clearly, if I care for someone, if I have a child with someone, there's there has been intimacy and there probably will continue to be intimacy because there's true, authentic love there. And then we get into that question of like, well, how do you define love? Is it the choice? Is it the action? Is it the emotion? And, you know, in dealing when you when you create a family, it's all of those things.

so to have to say okay because this is what I have struggled with the the co-parenting idea okay we're just going to co-parent and then you find yourself in these really you know nice warm family environment you want to really be in that family moment yeah and it's like you're proud of your children and you want to do and then you find yourself like all right well what what is this what are we doing how do we define this you know I have to do this in in multiple spaces so I mean you know some of the the women that i'm involved with deal with it better than others i i think they're all phenomenal i think they're all confident and secure in themselves to even have to deal with a person like me a lot to deal with not you but the situation in the public eye

yeah you know what i mean here's your problem nick and i talk to women about this because i don't think women fully understand this and you need to understand this too that women are neurologically different than men in many ways. But sexually, when a woman has good sex, and I am guessing that you give these women good sex, and she has orgasms, when she has an orgasm, her brain gets washed with oxytocin, which is the chemical of attachment. So even if she knows that you have all these other partnerships and relationships, and even if intellectually she knows she should be cool and not expect anything from you when she has good sex with you she gets chemically see i've always heard this rumor but because it's like it's digmatized

that's it digmatized it's oxytocin that's what breastfeeding mothers release to bond them to the baby right it's the bonding chemical and it happens to guys too but you have so much testosterone that it sort of counteracts it right so you having sex with all these women keeps them really emotionally feeling abandoned by you feeling longing for you all of that so therefore when we met and what i was actually attempting to do under the guidance of another therapist before we got a chance to to start building is i was told to withhold yes i was celibate when i met you you were celibate yes and it was i thought at first it was working and i told the world that probably was a problem I probably shouldn't have told her because then

I felt like it was like this challenge and then everybody was like I'm gonna make you break your celibacy I'm like why would you want to do that but so what ended up happening it got to this space where it wasn't healthy because then it started bringing up all of these things of like well why are you doing this are you in it and a lot of people in my life started making it like well is it me or is it our connection or I'm like no I'm really doing this to one to be honest keep the peace yes you know because then I can be like I'm not having sex at all with anyone and I mean can't you just have sex with someone who isn't one of your baby mamas or pick then they then they want to become my baby mama too that's the problem can't you like what about

birth control can't you just say no okay absolutely and I walk you through this process yeah walk me And so, first of all, I'm not. This is how irresistible Dick Cannon is, everybody. When it comes to hygiene and all, I'm the biggest germ freak in the world. I will put on two condoms if I don't know you. And I feel like, okay. And really, probably this is part of the problem because I'm such a germaphobe. And I'll go to the extent of like, yo, let's go to the doctor together.

That's good. I get my blood taken, you know, every three weeks because of my condition. So I'm like, run it up. Tell me. I want to know all of the panels. I want to know what bacteria I'm studying. I need to know everything because that's how much of a germ freak I am. So that's why you like your little cadre of women whose history, you know, are they not doing it with anyone else from what they tell me? Are they allowed to? If they if I feel like if I'm not fulfilling you and you there's a void in your life, please feel free to go. that's a different answer than what i asked because i first i don't have dominion or the authority to tell them what they're allowed but if they were with someone else it wouldn't mean

necessarily you weren't satisfying them physically it could be or emotionally i say i didn't say physically yeah because it's not a physical thing if there's something in your life there's a void in your life that i'm not fulfilling you should go find it right and is there any consequence for that if she does i think there's a natural and i'm gonna get back to the to my process but Now we made a left. I think there is definitely a natural, I won't even call it consequences, cause and effect. If I believe that you are solely for me and there's certain things, there's certain energies that will share on that level. As soon as I know that there's someone else in play and whether that's financially, whether that even emotionally, I'm going to say, oh, let me pull back so you can have an opportunity to grow with that other person. I've been deeply in love with people that actually occurred and I stepped back and allowed that to happen. And now that person is flourished and is carrying on and has an amazing relationship. But are there financial consequences?

Of course. But hopefully I'm dealing with strong enough women and well-minded in the sense to where they were never really in it just for financial reasons. No, of course not. But if they've gotten used to a certain lifestyle. If I buy a house and you feel like you need to have another man in your life, that house needs to now become you and that man's house. Right. No longer my house. Right. So whatever financially, however that has to happen, you got, hopefully you've chosen

a man that can now do the same things or better that I could do for you. Well, so they're not going to do that. Like, let's, I'm just putting myself. Well, that's their fault. But what about for your kids? Like, wouldn't you like say to this mother, for instance, that we're talking, I don't know who were you know just hypothetical i bought you this house for for stability for our child or children i'm not willing to commit to a monogamous relationship with you i know that's what you want

i have put together what the child needs financially you can have this house go on and we'll co-parent together i've had some fine examples and i'm gonna give you my my ultimate goal is to be in scenarios with women specifically the mother of my children where they are so financially stable that they don't need me and that they can make the decisions that they want to make. I want to build a woman up in a space to where, one, I don't want you with me just because of my money or what I can do with you anyway, because then you're not really with me. This is a business arrangement. Well, they're not really with you for your money. They're really into you, but you're not willing to commit to them. So it's not that they don't want to be.

So that goes all the way back around to the process, what I believe I have to offer, whether it's physically spiritually like i know i can feed into you and you can feed into me so it should be a fair exchange yeah so it's to say all of that it if it's not again if there's a void you should go find it if you are unhappy in any way you can only define your own happiness it can't be you can't be seeking it through me so i have these conversations on many levels so but again because i'm going back to this digmatized thing which i was because that's probably the one thing that so if i'm having intercourse and it's compatible and the chemistry is great hopefully you're not desiring it from anyone else and in that sense because of the

processes that we've taken and once we start and it's clean we both know we're healthy and clean and we start with condoms and this woman is like oh my god this is there's a connection there then you want to get even deeper with the connection so then you're like wow we've been doing this protected thing and it's amazing for three to six months and then life happens you start spending the night over the person's house that you know before it was like i come in i have the condom we know where it is it's on the bed stand but then now you're taking showers together now you're waking up now that the condom is way in the other room gets gets left behind for me specifically or if someone is on you know some kind of pill yeah yeah whatever those processes are those things

then it becomes oh well i'm on a pill or i yeah i have an iud or whatever and then it's like okay then it's more casual then they're because when there's then it's a stronger connection obviously because now you trust each other right differently than you did well why don't you ask them all to get on birth control like so were most of these pregnancies unplanned so how did see that you Well, you're walking me into a dangerous territory, doc. Okay, you don't have to answer. I'm never going to say that. This is what I say because-

Not that they weren't the most wonderful surprise. I'm going to take full responsibility. Any woman that I know that I have unprotected sex with, it was the potential to have a child. So I feel like if I have unprotected sex with anyone, I know because one, I value everything about me so much that it was like, if I've gotten to that point where I can say I could take off this condom,

I'm going to say, then she could be the mother of my child. where some see heroes and others see egos bloomberg sees the era of billionaire athletes a fad to some the future of money to others we see crypto's trillion dollar swings the end of jobs or the end of human struggle we see the endless funds fueling the ai hype While others follow the noise, we follow the money. Learn more at Bloomberg.com. Boy, and your boys can swim because you just like, they come out there. So in that sense, I would say there, every woman that I have a child with,

there's definitely been conversation about, wow, how amazing this would be. And I feel like every woman I have a child with are amazing mothers. And I did, there was a thought process in going to like, man, she would be an amazing mom. or yo she's desired children oh I can't wait to see what type of mother she would be so in saying that I would say that they're all playing and what do you do at holidays can they all come together I first this is the other crazy thing and going back to that I really want to bring them all together you know but this is I hate holidays with a probably because of this process but even growing up I'm never you know I come from a understanding and probably a little too uh what

they call it where this faux neo-intellectualism where i'm like i hate anything that's established by the government it's a hallmark holiday exactly i was gonna use those terms as a pagan holiday it's a hallmark holiday you've used that and i but but that was used on me as a child you know what i mean from like my dad did you not have christmas and things like that we did but it was told like this isn't the real meaning of christ and this is yeah jesus was actually born in september like i've got like all these things so uh so growing up i would hear those things so then i started to regurgitate them and then be like i don't like holidays and and i love the fact that they bring families closer together but now they become stressful for me because

and trying and attempting to bring why can't they all come together i think all my children can come together have they not yeah my kids and that's no one no one has ever said that i can't be in the presence of all my children but the women won't come together yeah i mean let's take mariah out of the frame like she ain't fucking with nobody no she's not coming together with anybody in her castle yeah in her beautiful castle in the sky and she's a queen yes exactly but the other ones why can't we bring them all that i would be in such ecstasy sitting down with all of them and what happens um some are more reluctant than others some are all of them beautiful spirits Some are more headstrong than others and don't want to be, you know, looked at because it's all about perception and therefore ego, because no one wants to look like if you allow society to define it, then it makes some people think it's a it's a weak thing.

Some people think that it's a almost a grotesque thing, their position. Yeah. So so they so they look like they don't see that others may. You know what I mean? If you start to pay attention to what. no but i'm just talking about like them with each other can't they come but that's what i think they're put they probably have their guards up and that's i kind of deal with this on a daily basis because i i challenge the ideas of like why like if you take and that's what i did for a few months take sex off of the table why can't i have a companionship or a friendship with this person and this person and this person and we all coexist yes like what is it about us not being able like

It would be so much easier. I have friends from all the way back. Yeah. And, you know, I can I can do that. I offer that up all the time. We just not going to have sex. No, they're not going to say yes to that. You have to. And then it's like if you're not having sex with me, then and that's where it got to is like, well, you're you're lying. You're not you must be having you're just not having sex with me because you want to have sex. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like because you have these romantic and emotional and physical connections with these women, you haven't shifted from being in an actual relationship, love, sexual relationship with them to being in a co-parent friendship with them. I've tried it. I've tried it with everyone. But you can't just try it by saying, I'm not going to have sex anymore. Why not? You have to try it by saying, I want to change the nature of our relationship. but i mean that comes with it because it's like permanently and it's easy to say look let's just focus on our child or children yeah and then what ends up happening like you can do it for

a year and like man we've been co-parenting great for a year and then one good one good night at nobu and the sake gets going and you can't help i mean i don't drink but i think but it's it's just whatever that chemistry whatever allows those endorphins to start flowing and you get on so you can't resist either absolutely i'm a lover i'm a hopeless romantic you put me in the right environment with someone i have a child with like and i watch you be an amazing mother of course i'm attracted to you yeah like i can't help but not and then if you attract it to me act on the attraction if you know it's gonna complicate things later everything life's complicated well so then it's complicated already and we're not having sex might as well enjoy

i really want to get them all together they admire you you would be in deep trouble no because i'm so no if they all became friends no i think that'd be amazing it would be amazing but they would probably that would challenge all of society's idealism my fantasy is that we get them to be all friends none of them have problems with each other they're such strong-willed women that they're not worried so wait now what's gonna happen now because when i was on the show marie osmond was on there with you and she was saying she was gonna hook me up like you call yourself single are you single i mean uh what would you call me doc you're the doctor i would call you polyamorous in a polyamorous relationship right now no because because in order to be polyamorous

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agreeing. They're just not agreeing to be with each other, but they're all agreeing to be with you, and they're all agreeing to be to know. So would you define I'm in a relationship with all of these people? Because then if that's the case, what defines the relationship? Sex?

Sex. Yeah, sex. So I'm in a relationship with everyone I have sex with? Well, not if it's casual sex but if you love them you're romantically involved and sexually involved love and have sex if they're emotionally and physically involved ongoing now if it's a friend you love and you have sex with them once that's a friend relationship but if you have someone who you are yeah friend with benefits if you feel that deep connection you're co-parenting together and you're being sexual together that is a relationship so then that then she'll be defined as polyamorous because

it's multiple multiple people that you're in i come from the understanding to define me is to confine me what is not single to you married married yeah is not single when you allow the government and paperwork to come in and say this is a bond this is a covenant yeah that is honored amongst multiple people throughout the land that's you're not single and other than that you're single uh or you can still make covenants without getting the government involved you can make a covenant and just say you where two people say we choose to be monogamous because we value this so much that we don't want anyone else to be a part of this or intrude this energy that we have and i just don't feel like that's healthy i don't i don't feel like monogamy is healthy i feel like

that gets into the space of selfishness and ownership well it can and it does and it sure as hell doesn't come naturally so i feel like my ultimate goal or not goal i just feel like my trajectory in life is you know i'm 41 now as i continue one be the best father i can be and as i get into an older age that i'll probably just like whoever's willing to put up with me that'll be the one whoever's still standing because i every relationship that i relationship that i go into and i i usually have this conversation up front it was like you're gonna leave you're gonna get tired of my shit like eventually and hopefully by that time we've had some great experiences some great memories and you're a better person and whoever comes after

me so you expect everyone to everybody why do you expect that because look at this scenario who wants to put up with me for a long period of time these women clearly are you digmatize them but you mean once the digmatizing's over they might they might or like but even to that point because they get so frustrated and then they they break out and it's happened every time and do they ever do you tell them from the beginning that you're not going to be monogamous yes okay i think i think at this point if you know who nick cannon is you know he's probably you know a lot about me in that sense of like i'm the guy your mom warned you about like stay away from that you're so sweet but that's i say this all the time i am a better friend yeah and companion than i am a boyfriend relationship

that makes sense well i'm very grateful to be your friend and companion exactly see we you you get to see this side of me you don't you don't you're not worried where i am at three in the morning and what i'm doing i can only imagine speaking of which i have to hold your feet to the fire about something i love when you do your little man panels you know what i'm gonna ask you about which one what did i say you said that you are anti-toy i am i don't know no i'm not anti-toy i'm anti-toy in the room with me while i'm trying to please you okay so because first of all i love the toy send me a video with you and the toy okay that's what i'm gonna need but when you're there you don't want our door they're not because then what what you're telling

me is this toy can take you to a place that i can't and it's all about quality time yeah because you can use that toy 23 hours of the day but you choose to bring that toy in when i'm here so like your average woman once she i mean you're none of your baby mamas are there yet but they will be when they reach their mid to late 40s usually they have a harder time reaching it has nothing to do with the fabulous penis or technique. They just have a much harder time getting aroused and reaching orgasm. See, I don't know that.

I never, this is news to me. And they need added stimulation. So, okay, let me be that added stimulation. Let's figure it out. Let's challenge each other to where, and again, I'm such a pleaser to my core. That sounds like a challenge to me. So if I'm knowing,

and I've actually, because I actually do really enjoy seasoned women. I like older women and have been in scenarios to where I feel like older women are actually more comfortable in themselves and can be action. So I've been in scenarios to where it's like, OK, let's go here. And everything from from tantric sex to everything to being at doing different things to allow you to reach a different type of orgasm. I'm not going to get too deep into this, but it sounds like what I've learned is that something is vibrating. that's more of a clitoral stimulation that it's almost like working out it's gonna be repetitive and you're gonna drive you to such a place that oh my brain releases something yeah where i don't

like that type of sex i'd rather take my time slow burn take my time let's connect let's figure out and again because i heard whether people believe in g spots or internalizing things but i feel like there's a true internal connection and that orgasm is so much better like just men like i can sit here and masturbate and and get to that point and in the shop by the time i'm out the shower you're done i'm released and i'm done but that is not nowhere near the type of orgasm you have when you are actually making love to someone and you guys can feel each other and you guys like your chakras are are aligned yeah you're having quantum sex like that's that's amazing like that's a different feeling than me just rubbing one out so no so I feel like that toy

is the equivalent of to a woman just rubbing one out and that's great rub one out when you can but when I'm here I want to have that quantum connection I want to be able to be like so that's that's why you're not opposed to toys I just don't want them in the room with me that's my competition yeah although I did this huge national study once on what the most sexually satisfied women have in common and it's not orgasm ironically it is the emotional connection they feel with the person they're having sex with that most predict predicts and they can't have emotional connection with a toy so they the toy can't compete with you there and good yeah so you won't be usurped by that but i think you're one of the rare men that like you know probably would

be willing to spend a very long time helping to get her i love that like again i if i if i come and she doesn't i feel like i failed that's not good sex yeah like i'm like this is yeah well that's why women fake because he feels that way and then she's like but then it's like nah let's look and before you get to faking because we talk about that on the man pound too let's figure out why you have to fake yeah and it and let's introduce then we can introduce whatever you need to introduce and i've been in a scenario i hate to say it sometimes but like whether it's like all right well we gotta get the toy it's been three hours but you gotta give it the old college try first i have to and to me foreplay is the most exciting part yeah and sometimes that

even happens before we get to the bedroom i want you to be and that's how i feel like i want you to be so turned on even before we have sex that way i'm lining up by the time i get there it's like oh that was that was good you are gonna have them lining up on top of your baby mamas how many more can you take i get i gotta slow down just because i as much as a sexual being as i am i gotta be uh the best father i could be first and foremost yeah that's tricky to balance all of that the the vasectomy thing is starting to sound more and more real are you gonna do it oh answer me this have you ever they said once a man turns 45 he probably should shoot like they make you check the questionnaire like when you are having children like is the

father over 45 so yeah so i've created this 45 year old mark that i gotta stop having that your boys yeah they're not they're not tip-top soldiers yeah no they aren't they aren't uh women you know they used to think it was just women yeah their eggs got uh sort of sticky and oldish yeah but it's really uh men too over their 40s you you have a higher risk for complications and development so i feel like so after 45 so how old are you now i'm 41 i'll be 42 this year boy you can do a lot of damage in three years man we may end up with another five or six kids well hey hey that's and that be i i don't know what's gonna happen all right so here's what it sounds like happens you get you meet someone you start dating them i don't want to meet anyone new okay we're done with you're

not meeting anyone new but it happens i'm not looking i don't know the last time i've been to a nightclub i've never been on a dating app but when you like them it keeps going you use condoms your hat you digmatize them you're really liking them you start fantasizing wow a year later you would be a really good mother i really am attached to you and then you get a little spontaneous and then you have a baby i don't have the bandwidth for it anymore though because i feel like i do owe all the women that are currently in my life i owe them at least as much energy time and effort as i could possibly yeah and specifically my kids more than any i mean that's that's where the guilt goes back to the guilt backpack like uh every time i close my eyes i see my kids so it's like i yeah

We got to get you spending time with all of them together. No, but see, and again, because I'm blessed enough to be in those positions to where I can rent out Disneyland. Yeah. I can rent out. You go over there to the Matterhorn. You go to Space Mountain. You guys may have to see each other. And then they all play together.

Yeah. So, I mean, it's definitely an unorthodox, non-traditional setup, but it's working. Yeah. So what'd you say is to define you two is to confine you. To find you. To label me is to disable me. I got out. I can't don't don't put labels on me. So I'm enjoying life. I'm happy. I'm happy again because I've been in those spaces where it's been so dark. Yeah. And I've been I've been in the hospital bed looking up. I've been depressed and feeling stuck. I've been so the fact that I can wake up each and every day and have great conversation and make people smile and, you know, provide for others. It's a blessing. It is a blessing. And you're and I know you have tremendous faith and I've watched you. You pray before every show with the crew. You pray with the audience. Yeah. And you feel such gratitude for life and the platforms you've been given and the opportunities. And in my mind, that heart and that intention is really the gift that you get to give your children.

and I hope they receive it and like I said if anything I could teach my children is to be respectful and to be loving and compassionate are you going to teach

them to digmatize the boys and I'm going to teach my daughters how not to get digmatized that'll be interesting I'm going to hopefully

yeah because we're going through this whole other concept we won't talk about this now I had this stand up joke where I always talk about

I hope all my daughters are lesbians then we have even more stuff a comment yeah you'll teach them all your tricks exactly jokes people yes it's a joke we have so much fun talking thank you so much thank you for joining me this is all every time i talk to you it's so helpful i mean the fact that we can have discussions on multiple levels because everything from grieving to you know orgasms it's not often that you can have a

connected with someone I mean but it's real it's it's real like from that extent and you know you you have a wealth of knowledge and wisdom that I'm I'm happy to be a recipient of and to be to do it in front of the world I'm open to it well I'm happy to uh have met you and get to benefit from being in the presence of your beautiful heart oh thank you it means a lot it's a love It's a love fest. You're just like a sparkler Drowning fresh and warm